#captain morgan and admiral nelson my one true bias 😩

[analiavs]

Valentines Day Headcanons for the Goon Squad

Remy

The girlfriend he uses as a beard either gets the ultimate valentines, that he's going to use as content for his tiktok. Or he forgets and gets her wilted roses.

His centuars and favorite bull are the true winners on vday. Suddenly everybody gets a hands on grooming session and all the apples they could eat.

Bailey

Has no valentines and makes it everyone else's problem. If you stand close enough you can get psychic damage from his pining. Don't let him catch you enjoying life or a valentines. He pretends he doesn't care, but very clearly does.

If you check the likes on his priv its just valentines day hate posts.

Briar

Loves it, one of his busiest days. All the loneliest losers show up. Schedules special shows throughout the day. Personally doesn't celebrate it. He's pimpin' folk out, he'll never fall for a hoe. Maybe drinks a big bottle of wine, and watches himself in the mirror in some red lingerie.

Eden

If he doesn't have an unlucky spouse DO NOT go in the woods on Valentines day. If he does have a spouse, does nothing for valentines day, because he "doesn't believe in it". If his spouse gets him something his present is dick... but they were probably getting that regardless.

Wren

Usually has a valentines, if not hangs with his boys. Strip poker with the boys 🫦

Zephyr

Handsome swashbuckler probably takes someone on a date on his ship to watch the sundown. Something something because of the implication. If there's a raid on valentines day he might seduce the other captain.

Harper

Schedules his favorite patients appointments. Might have a couple dick appointments too. Definitely brings Quinn his sperm bank proposal

Quinn

Denies Harper's sperm bank proposal. Has a date with his favorite tentababydad at the end of the night. He might have the most romantic night. Fancy dinner, tentacle massage, sex. His tentacles are special

Edit: just like he is on valentines day I forgot Leighton

Has no one. Tries to blackmail people into going on a date with him, but it’s valentines day. Special shout out to his dog person, they’ve got it ruff.