#caption from figure in the background by snake pool

[mothcpu]

I see you standing in the background or the corner Sometimes I think we all want to be seen

[mama-m1na]

Beloved is the Universe: Prologue

~~~0~~~

“Mina, it’s so fucking cold!” my seventeen-year-old sibling exclaimed as we climbed into our bus.

“At least you have the capes to keep you warm,” I replied, not really agreeing with her since I felt completely fine, “Also, please tell me you have your jazz shoes this time.”

“Unless you want to stuff your shoes in your bloomers again,” chuckled Sierra as she started changing in the seat behind mine.

“Ugh, I’m not doing that again,” Kerstin groaned as she flashed back to the award ceremony from the week prior.

With a smile, I only shook my head as I began to change into my uniform; which, consisted of a white button up shirt that was tucked into a pair of black dress pants and a red tailcoat that went over all of it.

Once I was finished with buttoning the coat, I put on my black combat boots, taking care to tuck the laces and stuff my pants into them before placing my top hat on my head with my hair in a single braid down my back to keep it out of my face.

Since I was the first one completely changed, I stuffed my white gloves in my back pocket before going over to the green garment bag and pulling out our capes before laying them on seats near where the others were changing. 

Upon finding my own, I draped it around my shoulders and closed the fastener so a blanket of black hid my bright red costume.

“This is our last award ceremony, my dudes,” I said as we got off the bus to see the rest of the award committee.

“Mina, you better not start crying,” Sierra said, “I’m so ready for this season to be over.”

“I’m not going to cry,” I chuckled while handing the others their capes, “I’m saving that for banquet. Scratch that, I’m saving my tears for when we get gold at championships for winter and then banquet after that.”

“Do you really think we’ll get gold in winter?” Kerstin asked as she began styling her hair into pigtails.

“If the certain snakes drop and the rest of guard gets their shit together, then yes,” I replied, a few faces popping into my mind when I mentioned those quitting.

“I know it seems mean, but it’s true and I want a gold medal,” I continued as those with shakos got their plumes, “I have bronze and silver at home, all I need is gold to complete the collection.” 

Once everyone was ready we walked through the familiar campus with our hoods down and capes fluttering behind us majestically.

About twenty minutes later we were lined up in front of the audience along the sideline waiting for our school’s name to be called.

“In first place with a score of 77.05 taking all captions, Trinity Platinum Sound and Emerald Guard!”

I looked to my friends with a smile and we linked arms before stepping forward as the leadership of the home school stood before us.

“Separate,” I ordered as we were supposed to do our salute first.

After checking to make sure both sides were set, I counted off before taking off my hat and bowing.

Once four counts passed, I took two more counts to place the hat back on my head before saluting.

The crowd erupted into cheers as the other school saluted us as well before we both called out of it and met to shake hands.

Feeling a large amount of pride as we walked back to out spot in line holding the trophies, I shot my kids a smile before we faced forward once again and waited for the other divisions to be announced.

As the last band returned to the line up I looked to my friends with a large smile before the announcer read off the script.

“Thank you all for-!” Bang! Bang! Bang!

I, as well as many others, jumped in shock when we heard the gunshots, a sound that I was unfortunately familiar with.

“Unless you want everyone here to get a bullet to the head, all Drum Majors meet in the center of the field,” a different voice threatened as I looked up to the box to see blood splattered on the window as a silhouette stood in front of the mic, “Now.”

I turned my head to see more figures in black around the stadium, all holding fire arms.

“Mina, what are you going to do-” “If you have your phone, hide in your cape when you get back to our kids and turn on S.O.S. mode,” I cut off in a whisper before ushering the other leadership to the back field, “Alma, you too, they don’t know who Drum Majors are, hide your uniform.”

“Rhamina, I-” “Hurry up!” one of the figures said as a bullet barely missed a teen.

I gave a nervous smile before rushing over to the circle in the middle of the turf field with the other drum majors from other schools.

When we got there one of the figures was lining us up to face the box.

I could feel how scared everyone was, but none of us uttered a words in fear of being shot.

“Everyone whose bands got first place, step forward,” the male spoke, but no one steppped forward, we only looked to each other.

‘Mina, they’re going to get mad if you do nothing,’ I thought as a shakily took a step forward on my own, my knees almost giving out.

“Which school are you from?” one of the figures in all black asked me.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

I heard multiple gunshots near me and I turned to see the bleeding bodies of those who didn’t step forward on the ground behind me.

‘Oh my god!’ I thought, clasping my hands together in prayer as I could feel my heart drumming against my chest and as tears began to well up in my eyes, ‘I’m going to die and it’s going to hurt like hell!’

“Answer my question, Girl!” the figure exclaimed as I felt the barrel at the gun at my temple.

“I-i’m from the Trin-Trinn-Trinity Institute!” I replied as clearly as I could as I turned forward with the barrel of the weapon now at my forehead.

I could hear screaming happening in the background. 

I could hear familiar voices, probably screaming my name, but it was hard to hear them.

All I could focus on was the person in front of me and the feel of cold metal at my forehead.

“What’s your name?”

“Rhamina Miyu.”

“No,” the male growled, pressing the gun harder against my skull, “your other name.”

“H-huh?” I asked, extremely confused and scared for my life.

“You better answer the question unless you want to be responsible for the bullets that are about to fly,” another figure threatened as I used my eyes to look around the stadium.

There were various figures in front and in the stands, aiming their guns at the various people who looked just as scared as I was.

My eyes then looked down at the pools of blood that formed under the bodies of teenagers I have gotten to know through frequent meetings at these competitions.

They didn’t deserve this.

“Well?”

I gulped down whatever thoughts I had before I answered.

“Kitsami.”

Bang!

“Mina!”

~~~Fin. Prologue~~~

[darkwatercomics]

~ Issue # 6 ~ Book One: Chapter Six: When The Wheel Turns ~

PAGE 1, PANEL 1

Page width panel. High view of the Byzantine Academy with the Manhattan suburbs behind and the horizon with a sunset beyond. In the foreground seagulls and pigeons fly over the rooftops.

PAGE 1, PANEL 2

Page width panel. Close up of Tom’s hands bound together by restraints, fists clenched, the blue energy of magic building between them, more powerful looking than we’ve seen in past issues.

PAGE 1, PANEL 3

Two half page panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist shot of Tom dressed entirely in white as we saw him back in issue # 3. The energy in his hands is now a pure ice blue white, a bubble of blue energy expanding out from him as Ministry guards back away.

PAGE 1, PANEL 4

Full shot of him now breaking his restraints, spreading his arms outward, shouting out with a primal rage, a wave of blue energy erupting from him, blasting the guards backward across the courtyard.

PAGE 2, PANEL 1

FULL PAGE SPLASH: In the foreground is a full shot of Tom walking through the courtyard, his face bloodied, his expression filled with anger and power. There’s no border on this full page splash, instead the twisted main gates on either side are framing him. Behind him the front of the Academy is scorched and aflame and on the ground of the courtyard the guards lay dead. And now, with this wider shot we see there are also students laying dead nearby.

ARTIST NOTE: Written across the bottom of the panel between the open gates is the title, Book One: Chapter 6, When The Wheel Turns.

PAGE 3, PANEL 1

SPLASH: Exterior shot of a 17th century plantation style house, the kind often seen back in the old slavery days. This particular one is very much like the Seaward Plantation, Texas. On the porch area is an old wicker chair with Mother M waking with a start. This is a younger Mother M when she was a professor at he Academy and her name was Marissa Winters and shows she hasn’t aged.

MARISSA: No …  

CAPTION: North Carolina.

PAGE 3, PANEL 2

Three panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of her in an old study of the house. Its four wood panelled walls are filled entirely by shelves of books. The morning light is falling in through a mullioned window and directly onto a large mahogany desk. She’s bent over, studying a shelf, running her finger along a line of books.

PAGE 3, PANEL 3

Close up shot of a book she has chosen now open on the desk as she turns its old, yellowed pages. The words ‘Way Back When’ are written on the left hand page and on the right hand page are  Celtic and Runic markings similar to the Masque Of Magellan symbol.

PAGE 3, PANEL 4

Head to waist semi-profile shot of her with the morning light falling across her face. She’s talking into an old fashioned black telephone.

MARISSA: I don’t care if he is in a meeting. I need to speak to him now.

MARISSA: It’s urgent. I’m one of the Five. If I ask, you get it done.

PAGE 4, PANEL 1

Exterior shot of an old courthouse style building. Steps lead up to its front entrance and above its high open wooden doors a lopsided wire sign reads: HALOS. Cables snake out from the building to a series of generators placed nearby. Fire escapes have been welded to its façade, the style usually seen on buildings in cities like New York, with a series of tiered balconies between them, on these people are sat drinking, talking or just leaning and looking out at the surrounding shanty town. In the foreground is a full shot of Jesse and Izzie from behind as they walk toward it. On an old style bar sign are the words ’35 Years Later.’

ARTIST NOTE: I’ve used the lyrics to my own song ‘Hey, Do You Feel Loved.’ S.F.X: Baby faced angel, you’re honey for this swarm of bees. Inside, outside, red lights, shadow of your figure through a screen. You’re swinging your head, hair dripping like something you bled …

S.F.X: You’re in your own little world, everybody loves you. You’re dancing tip toes, you’re shedding all your clothes, everybody loves you …

JESSE: So this place is?

IZZIE: This place, Jesse Miller, is Halos. And it definitely ain’t no dive.

PAGE 4, PANEL 2

SPLASH:  Interior shot. In the background of the top right of the panel are Jesse and Izzie stood at the top of the elevated entrance and a double staircase that leads down onto a sunken dance floor. The interior is made up of the original courthouse pews with seated alcoves along the side walls. Also dotted around are Pool, roulette and card tables. The whole place has a grungy used, thrown together kind of look to it, it’s a scavenged kind of place, dingy, dark, with coloured disco lights that spot light the dance floor. In the foreground half naked male and female dancers cavort suggestively as they drag blue trails of magic using their hands.

S.F.X: You’re such a big splash, you’re a head long car crash, everybody wants you. You’re sister to my brother, you’re every son’s mother, you’re a little uptight until you get your fix. Got yourself your own little piece of heaven, got yourself the stuff you really love …

S.F.X: Hey sister tell me is it ever enough for you, sister, tell me do you really feel loved? Hey, do you feel loved at all, sweet baby child.

S.F.X: You’re a figure eight through the rising steam, inside, outside, red lights, shadow of your love behind a screen. You’re pouting through your lips, red rose tattoos upon your hips, you’re in your own little world …

JESSE: Jesus, this place is just so …

IZZIE: Yep, ain’t it just.  

PAGE 5, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Wide shot of them both sat in a semi-circle alcove booth. Both are sat back, sagged into the seating. On the table are a bunch of beer bottles dotted about two plates with  half eaten chicken pieces on them. They are clearly worse for wear.

ARTIST NOTE: I’ve used the lyrics to my own song ‘Little Miss Bombardier.’ S.F.X: She’s such a space age kinda girl, she knows it’s the future where it’s really at, she doesn’t want the latest fashion or any of that, it’s the real deal she’s after. She’s found her own style and you can be sure she knows it.

JESSE: So, where exactly do you live, Izzie Washington?

IZZIE: I live here.

JESSE: Yeah right, wait … seriously?

IZZIE: Yep, upstairs, in the penthouse no less. I got a deal with the owner.

PAGE 5, PANEL 2

Three panels on this tier. Similar to the previous panel but now a closer shot of them with Jesse holding a bottle beer, about to down it.

S.F.X: She’s never been part of the it crowd, but the it crowd can never really compare, she knows where she’s going and it’s so very far out there.

JESSE: Deal?

IZZIE: Well, she’s a business woman, and I’m kind of an entertainer. She makes deals, I dress up, I entertain her guests. I help the deal go through smoothly, grease the wheels, keep ’em sweet.

PAGE 5, PANEL 3

Similar shot of them but now Jesse is leaning her head on Izzie’s shoulder.

S.F.X: She knows just what it takes to really get ahead, she’s found her way and you can be sure she won’t blow it.

JESSE: When you say keep ‘em sweet …?

IZZIE: Whatever the deal requires, and I get pretty much whatever I want. Ain’t the best deal for sure but it’s mostly okay I guess.

PAGE 5, PANEL 4

Similar to the previous panel but now Jesse is sitting forward again as she spits her beer out, her surprise at Izzie’s comment clear.

S.F.X: Little Miss Bombardier, she’s going to war against the night. Little Miss Bombardier she’s flying so very high.

IZZIE: One of em’, he wanted me to stick my fingers up his arse and piss in his mouth, but we gotta make a living somehow, right?

JESSE: Uh, yeah, right.

PAGE 5, PANEL 5

There panels on this bottom tier. Head to waist shot of Jesse about to take another drink of her beer, with Izzie stood, gripping her arm.

S.F.X: Little Miss Bombardier, she’s a girl with her eyes on the sky.

IZZIE: Okay, come on, let’s hit the dance floor!

PAGE 5, PANEL 6

Full shot of them on a chess board like dance floor. Izzie is dancing suggestively, running her fingers through her hair, while Jesse is stood there stiffly, looking utterly and completely out of place.

S.F.X: Little Miss Bombardier, she hears the sound of the distant sitars. Little Miss Bombardier, she’s dreaming up among the stars.

JESSE: Um, it’s been awhile.

IZZIE: All the more reason ‘en. Now shift that southern booty Jesse Miller.

JESSE: I’m kinda stiff, not sure I can …

PAGE 5, PANEL 7

Floor level shot, looking up at both of them as they’re pulled upward into the air toward a bright shimmering watery light above.

S.F.X: She’s a dreamer, she’s a dreamer.

JESSE: Whoah!

PAGE 6, PANEL 1

FULL PAGE SPLASH: Full shot of them suspended in the air, holding each other, about to kiss, their hair floating like they’re underwater. Jesse is now fully in the moment, smiling as she leans in for the kiss. All about them lights glimmer and sparkle, full of colour, with the shadows of other figures faintly seen through the glow. The blue energy of magic twists and twirls about them, and at the top of the panel a glass ceiling, showing the starry night sky.

S.F.X: She’s a dreamer, she’s a dreamer.

JESSE: Oh.

IZZIE: Like I said, ain’t it just.

JESSE: Ain’t it just indeed.

PAGE 7, PANEL 1

Page width panel. It‘s night and it‘s raining heavily.  Wide exterior shot of the Norwood Club. P.O.V is from the opposite side of the street. The words ‘Way Back When’ are written on a nearby street sign.

CAPTION: 14th Street, Lower Manhattan.

CAPTION: The Norwood Club.

AGATHA ( O.P ): I’m not exactly clear why you called this meeting, Marissa.

MARRISA ( O.P ): I called it, Agatha, because this council has taken its eye off the ball.

PAGE 7, PANEL 2

Page width panel. In the foreground is a head to waist shot of Marissa from behind with eleven members of the Council sat around a long wooden table, including prominent members Agatha Richmond and Nathaniel Sparrow. Their speaker, Noah Hawthorne is sat at the head of the table facing her. Michael Valentyne stood by the wall, calmly and silently observing what’s going on.

NOAH: How so?

MARISSA: You’ve been focusing on the wrong enemy.

AGATHA: We only have one enemy.

VALENTYNE: If only that were true.

PAGE 7, PANEL 3

Page width panel. Head to chest shot of Noah from behind with a head to waist shot of Marissa at the other end of the table facing him.

NOAH: If you have a point, Marissa, please make it.

MARISSA: The point, Noah, is that yesterday I had a vision.

NOAH: A vision?

PAGE 8, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of Valentyne by the wall, observing.

VALENTYNE: Noah, if I have learnt one thing in my time on this planet, it is that when Marissa has something to say it wise to listen.

PAGE 8, PANEL 2

Head to waist shot of Sparrow, his expression arrogant, full of hubris.

SPARROW: Visions are not in the purview of this council, we deal in facts …

PAGE 8, PANEL 3

Similar to panel 1 but now it’s a head to chest semi-profile shot of Valentyne.

VALENTYNE: I once ignored one of Marissa’s visions to my lasting regret. I, for one, want this council to hear what she has to say.

PAGE 8, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head and shoulders shot of Valentyne from behind with a shot of Noah looking across the table.

NOAH: Magellan.

VALENTYNE: Exactly.

PAGE 8, PANEL 5

Head to waist profile shot of Agatha, her expression one of scepticism, turning to Marissa, who’s still stood at the end of the table.

AGATHA: Are you saying I’ve travelled five hundred miles just for a …

MARISSA M: Yes.

PAGE 8, PANEL 6

Head to waist shot of Noah sat at the table, his hands resting on it.

NOAH: Okay, so what did this vision entail?

PAGE 9, PANEL 1

Half page panel. Exterior shot. Elevated shot through the rain, looking down on Marissa, now stood at the window and looking out.

MARISSA: A boy.

PAGE 9, PANEL 2

Two panels on this vertical tier. Head to chest shot of Marissa  stood at the window, with the others in the background behind her.

SPARROW: A boy?

AGATHA: Marissa, we are only willing to entertain your flights of fancy …

PAGE 9, PANEL 3

Head to waist shot of Noah turned to Agatha, now gazing directly across the table at her, his intent upon her, as he flicks a lighter on.

NOAH: Agatha?

AGATHA: Yes.

PAGE 9, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest semi-profile shot of Noah lighting a cigarette, his gaze still focused entirely on Agatha.

NOAH: Perhaps now would be a good time to get out of your own way.

NOAH: Marissa, please continue.

PAGE 9, PANEL 5

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Marissa, the shadows of the raindrops on the window on her face, her troubled thoughts are clear.

MARISSA: Well, basically if you think we’re in a shit storm now, then there’s a far bigger one coming up on the horizon, one that’ll bring this little house of cards of ours tumbling down to the ground.

PAGE 10, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Full shot of Marissa M now turned from the window, facing them again, with the rain falling outside.

SPARROW ( O.P ): How could a boy?

MARISSA: Hitler was a boy, Stalin, Genghis Khan. Even Magellan a very long time ago. It always starts with a boy, or a girl, every one of them born with the potential to do something good or bad.

PAGE 10, PANEL 2

Head to waist profile shot of Noah, smoke pluming up from his cigarette.

NOAH: And this boy will do something bad?

PAGE 10, PANEL 3

Similar to panel 5, page 9, but now it’s a head and shoulders shot of Marissa.

MARISSA: Well, that’s the thing, these visions aren’t ever totally clear, it’s almost always bits and pieces, kind of vague. Far as I can tell, this boy, he’s either going to save us all or he’s going to damn us.

PAGE 10, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Wide shot of her from behind, with the council members facing her in the background of the panel.

VALENTYNE: There’s something else though, isn’t there?

MARISSA: Well, you see, he hasn’t exactly been born yet.

AGATHA: Are you saying you had a vision about someone who doesn’t exist?

PAGE 10, PANEL 5

Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Marissa, her face filling the panel.

MARISSA: I have to admit, it’s certainly a new wrinkle.

PAGE 10, PANEL 6

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Valentyne, partly in shadow.

VALENTYNE: It is that.

VALENTYNE: But maybe there’s a way to straighten out that wrinkle.

PAGE 11, PANEL 1

SPLASH: Wide shot of a small town street. Maybe something similar to one of the streets in a place like Jacksonville, Oregan, with red brick buildings either side. It’s deserted with empty shops, bars and cafes. Windows are smashed, cars abandoned, the road full of debris. The first hints of sunrise show at the street’s end with an orange tint. In the foreground rats scurry for food and a fallen bus stop sign that has the words ‘35 Years Later’ written on it.

PAGE 11, PANEL 2

Three panels on this bottom tier. High view of the camper van from issue # 2 approaching the town along a cracked, overgrown highway that has wrecked and abandoned vehicles all along its way.

CAPTION: “Will there be food here?”

CAPTION: “Yes, I would think anyway.”

PAGE 11, PANEL 3

In the foreground is the parked camper van and beyond it is a full shot of Jobe and Matilda from behind walking down the main street.

MATILDA: I’m hungry.

JOBE: I know.

PAGE 11, PANEL 4

Full shot of them from the front as they continue along the street, shafts of sunlight falling onto the road between the buildings.

JOBE: Just remember, feed small, feed slowly.

MATILDA: Small. Slowly.

JOBE: Yes, I will show you, just as we did before. It will be hard at first, but in time it will become second nature to you, as if did for me.

PAGE 12, PANEL 1

Half page panel. In the foreground is a full shot of Matilda crouched in an alleyway, holding a dead rat in her hands and biting down into it, her mouth bloodied, dripping down her chin. Her eyes have that familiar yellow tinge that represents Dark Magic. She resembles a feral animal. Jobe is stood nearby watching her.

JOBE: That’s it, bite slowly. Feed the hunger you feel but don’t let it consume you. Feel your heartbeat, that’s it, slow your breath, push the feeling down. You’ll feel it’s pull on you subside, that’s it now.

PAGE 12, PANEL 2

Two panels on this vertical tier. Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Matilda, her eyes with a yellow tinge but fainter than before.

MATILDA: I can feel it, but not like before, I … I couldn’t control it before.

PAGE 12, PANEL 3

Head and shoulders shot of Jobe looking at her, shafts of daylight behind.

JOBE: That wasn’t your fault.

PAGE 12, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Similar to panel 1 but now Matilda is splitting the rat apart, her pale hands covered in blood.

S.F.X: Squelch.

MATILDA: Not my fault.

JOBE: Good, that’s it.

PAGE 12, PANEL 5

Head to waist shot of Jobe, the angle of the shot looking up at him, the broken sky of morning above him as he hands a cloth to her.

JOBE: Once we’re done here we’ll find some supplies, some proper food.

PAGE 12, PANEL 6

Shot of Matilda’s torn and frayed boots as she walks away, with the remains of the rat in the foreground, laying neglected in the alleyway.

MATILDA: Mmm, that sounds nice.

PAGE 13, PANEL 1

Half page panel. Overhead shot of them walking out of the alleyway and into an empty crossroads with long unused traffic lights.

JOBE: Has it passed?

MATILDA: Passed? Yes, I feel better now.

PAGE 13, PANEL 2

Two panels on this vertical tier. Head to waist shot of them in a main street, similar to the earlier one, but with more empty, parked cars.

JOBE: And it will get easier too. We can’t change what we are anymore than we can stop breathing, but we can at least control it.

PAGE 13, PANEL 3

Head to waist profile shot of them walking with Matilda in the foreground.

MATILDA: Will we always be like this?

PAGE 13, PANEL 4

Insert.

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Jobe frowning, thoughtful.

ARTIST NOTE: This insert is in the top left hand corner of panel 5.

JOBE: Always, at least as long as there is still Dark Magic in this world.

PAGE 13, PANEL 5

SPLASH: In the foreground is a full shot of him and Matilda from behind, looking across a car park to a Kmart building. They’re stood at its edge and it’s filled with empty rusted vehicles of all sorts and abandoned food carts laying about, many reclaimed by nature.

JOBE: But perhaps some day that may change.

PAGE 14, PANEL 1

SPLASH: High view shot of them now inside the Kmart walking along one of the aisles, Jobe pushing a food cart as Matilda walks beside him. Stock is strewn all over the floor, other food carts stand partly filled or just empty. There are cobwebs in the foreground.

MATILDA: What was the world like before?

JOBE: It was different, neither was bad or really good. It wasn’t perfect. There were things that needed to change, but I  think it was better.

PAGE 14, PANEL 2

Three panels on this bottom tier. Head to chest shot of Matilda leaning forward curiously and with a sense of wonder, studying a glamorous model on a hair dye product, the tips of her fingers on it.

MATILDA: Will it ever be like that again.

PAGE 14, PANEL 3

Full shot of them from behind near the tills. Above them is a big sale sign that has graffiti spayed over it that reads: MAGIC IS DEAD.

JOBE: No, I don’t think so, whatever comes next will be different, different to now, different to how it was before. We can’t go back now.

MATILDA: But it could be better?

PAGE 14, PANEL 4

In the foreground is the sale sign seen from the opposite side with a shot of Jobe and Matilda in the aisle below, Jobe looking up at it.

JOBE: It can always be better, but it’s up to us. If we want it to be better…

JOBE: …Then we have to change it.

PAGE 15, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Night. Broken cloud illuminated by moonlight. Exterior shot of the Norwood Club. In the foreground in a full shot of Elijah from behind, stood across the street, watching as various males and females enter and exit the building, going up and down the steps. The words ‘Way Back When’ written on a street sign.

CAPTION: 14th Street, Lower Manhattan.

CAPTION: The Norwood Club.

PAGE 15, PANEL 2

Three panels on this tier. Shot of Elijah stood in front of wooden study doors, the ones that lead into the inner sanctum of the council.

PAGE 15, PANEL 3

Full shot of Marissa, framed by the doorway as she opens it for him.

MARISSA: Come in, Elijah.

PAGE 15, PANEL 4

Full shot of them stood by the study doors, P.O.V from the interior the room, with Marissa holding the door, Elijah framed by it.

ELIJAH: There’s a lot of activity going on outside, Marissa. I assume it’s connected to why you’ve called me here at this ungodly hour.

VALENTYNE ( O.P ): It is.

PAGE 15, PANEL 5

Page width panel. Wide view of the study. Full profile shot of Elijah and Marissa stood by the doors on the right of the panel. On the left of the panel is the council table as seen earlier now only Noah is sat at it with Valentyne stood by the wall in the background.

ELIJAH: Michael.

VALENTYNE: Elijah.

NOAH: Please, sit.

ELIJAH: No thank you, I prefer to stand.

PAGE 16, PANEL 1

Two panels on this top tier. Head to waist shot of Elijah from behind at the end of the table, with Valentyne and Noah facing him.

VALENTYNE: You’ve never been comfortable here, have you, Elijah?

ELIJAH: Honestly, no.

NOAH: An open seat remains for you on this council.

ELIJAH: And my answer is still the same.

PAGE 16, PANEL 2

Similar to the previous panel but now it’s a closer shot of the three.

NOAH: Of course, shall we begin.

ELIJAH: I’m listening.

VALENTYNE: Marissa has had a vision.

PAGE 16, PANEL 3

Two panels on this vertical tier. Overhead shot of Elijah and Marissa.

ELIJAH: I see, not what I was hoping to hear. No offence Marissa.

MARISSA: None taken. Not what anyone wanted to hear, I’d say.

PAGE 16, PANEL 4

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Elijah. He’s frowning, thoughtful.

ELIJAH: So why call me?

PAGE 16, PANEL 5

Half page panel. This is a forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Marissa.

MARISSA: Well, it’s really kinda simple, we have a very special request of you, Elijah. One that may take you years of your life, but in doing so, you just might potentially save the lives of millions.

PAGE 17, PANEL 1

Page width panel. In the foreground is the interior of a rusted and wrecked pick up truck with a head and shoulders shot of a skeleton, and through it’s side window we see Jobe and Matilda walking past an overgrown basketball court. Jobe is pushing the food cart he has taken from the Kmart. A fence sign reads: ‘35 Years Later.’

MATILDA: Are you my friend?

JOBE: I can be if you want me to be.

MATILDA: Yes, I’d like that.

PAGE 17, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Full shot of them walking along the sidewalk.

MATILDA: Have you had a friend before?

JOBE: Once, I’m not sure I was such a good friend to him though.

PAGE 17, PANEL 3

Similar to the previous panel but now Matilda is looking up at the sky.

MATILDA: Why not?

JOBE: He tried to help me, but I didn’t listen when I should have, I made a mistake and it cost him dearly. I can never repay that debt.

PAGE 17, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. In the foreground a rat is scurrying ahead of them, and Matilda’s gaze is now clearly upon it.

MATILDA: But you’ll try.

PAGE 17, PANEL 5

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Jobe, half his face in shadow, the other half in sunlight. The sadness and regret clear in his eyes.

JOBE: Yes … I’ll try.

PAGE 18, PANEL 1

Page width panel. Overhead wide shot of Izzie’s penthouse apartment. It’s kind of high class but kind of trashy too, with leopard prints, bean bags, a large fireplace and rug. In the centre of the panel is a round bed. Jesse is lying face up as she wakes, stretching sleepily. There’s a satin sheet over her, her naked leg hanging out. The other side of the bed sheet is turned down and empty. Beer bottles, clothes and her NASA cap are strewn over the floor.

JESSE: Damn, I’ve had some nights, but last night, that was just …

PAGE 18, PANEL 2

Two panels on this tier. Head to waist semi-profile shot of her now sat up and squinting heavily as she holds her hand to her forehead.

JESSE: Izzie?

PAGE 18, PANEL 3

Overhead full shot of her, naked, her hair all over the place, looking down at her clothes on the floor, beer bottles lying about them.

JESSE: Okaaay.

PAGE 18, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. Exterior shot through the penthouse window, her figure obscured as she puts her clothes on.

PAGE 18, PANEL 5

Full shot of her, now fully dressed, walking down the main stairs of Halos. It’s early, shafts of light falling in, and pretty much empty.

JESSE: Izzie?

IZZIE ( O.P ): Oh hey, Jesse J.

PAGE 18, PANEL 6

Full shot of Izzie sat on a bar stool, dressed in underwear and a vest. On the counter are discarded vials and she appears to be using a steam punk style needle of some sort to inject into her arm.

IZZIE: Just getting a little after party fix up, ya want some?

PAGE 19, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Head to chest shot of Jesse staring at Izzie, her expression a mixture of hurt, disappointment and confusion.

JESSE: Wait. What the hell is this?

PAGE 19, PANEL 2

Head to chest semi-profile shot of Izzie glancing over her shoulder.

IZZIE: Magic, what else.

PAGE 19, PANEL 3

Similar to panel 1 but now Jesse looks more annoyed than anything.

JESSE: You’re injecting it?

PAGE 19, PANEL 4

Three panels on this tier. Head to waist semi-profile shot of Izzie, looking down at the needle, pushing her thumb down on it as she injects.

IZZIE: One hundred pure percent I am, only the best around here.

PAGE 19, PANEL 5

Full shot of them both by the bar, Jesse slamming her fist on the counter.

JESSE: Sonavabitch, the first person I get under the sheets with in months and you turn out to be nothin’ but a godamn magic junkie?

PAGE 19, PANEL 6

Head and shoulders profile shot of them, Jesse up close, just staring.

IZZIE: Hey, if you was under any illusions, Jesse Miller, that’s your problem. Either get that stick outta your arse or exit the same way ya came in.

PAGE 19, PANEL 7

Two panels on this bottom tier. Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Izzie, her expression changed, now disinterested and icy cold.

IZZIE: Comprende?

PAGE 19, PANEL 8

Head to waist shot of Jesse in the foreground, walking away, stone faced, with Izzie in the background looking down at the needle again.

JESSE: Yeah, comprende.

PAGE 20, PANEL 1

Half page panel. Full shot of Jesse walking along the main street. All about her the town coming to life. People stand on the street, others open window shutters, a beggar with a bowl, riders attending to their horses, dogs roaming, a juggler juggling blue balls of magical energy. Behind her are stables and a rusty old garage. Her head is bowed, the NASA cap throwing a shadow over her face.

PAGE 20, PANEL 2

Two panels on this vertical tier. Full shot of Mother M in the foreground with a full shot of Jesse stood by the front door of the hotel lounge, her face contorting as she yawns and stretches herself.

MOTHER M: Damn, either you had a bad night, or a really good one.

JESSE: I think it was a bit of both.

JESSE: *Yawn* Where is he?

PAGE 20, PANEL 3

Head to waist profile shot of them facing each other, Jesse looking blinkered as she rubs her tired looking and puffed up eyes.

MOTHER M: He came in last night looking just like you. Up with the sun though.

JESSE: He’s out already?

MOTHER M: Yep.

JESSE: Great.

PAGE 20, PANEL 4

Two panels on this bottom tier. Full shot of them now at the lounge bar, Mother M is stood behind it pouring orange juice from a big jug into a glass, and Jesse is leaning tiredly on the counter.

MOTHER M: I heard you two had words.

JESSE: He had words, I kinda listened, then I just left. Listen, if you’re gonna tell me he’s not such a bad guy I really don’t give a shit.  

PAGE 20, PANEL 5

Forehead to chin semi-profile shot of Jesse. Her face filling the panel.

JESSE: I just need to know I can trust him.

PAGE 21, PANEL 1

Three panels on this top tier. Mother M from Jesse’s P.O.V, now looking a lot more serious, a whole unknown history written on  her face.

MOTHER M: You can trust him.

PAGE 21, PANEL 2

Head to waist profile shot of them facing each other across the counter. Mother M now pushing the full glass of orange over to Jesse.

MOTHER M: You’re both wrong you know.

JESSE: About what?

MOTHER M: About magic.

PAGE 21, PANEL 3

Head to waist shot of Jesse, the glass in the foreground as she looks at it.

JESSE: Yeah? Someone else tried to tell me that lately. Funny thing is, they’re kinda dead, and it was magic that got them that way.

PAGE 21, PANEL 4

Three panels on this bottom tier. This is similar to panel 2 but now Jesse is holding the glass and is just about to take a drink from it.

MOTHER M: So, you’re going on that damn foolish quest then?

JESSE: You know about that, huh?

MOTHER M: Oh, I know.

PAGE 21, PANEL 5

Head to chest shot of Jesse from Mother M’s P.O.V, her gaze questioning.

JESSE: And you think we’re wrong?

PAGE 21, PANEL 6

Head and shoulders semi-profile shot of Mother M, her face partly in shadow, her eyes are full of wisdom. She knows about this.

MOTHER M: I think you’ve both got your reasons, but just remember, there ain’t nothing in this life ever goes the way you expect.

PAGE 22, PANEL 1

Insert.

Over the shoulder shot of Jesse about to down the rest of the glass.

ARTIST NOTE: The two inserts run along the top of the full page splash.

JESSE: Yeah, no shit. Do you know where he went?

MOTHER M: Yep.

PAGE 22, PANEL 2

Insert.

Head to waist profile shot of them facing each other across the counter, Jesse now cradling the empty glass and Mother M holding her hand up in a gesture of mock defeat, giving a wry smile.

JESSE: So, you gonna tell me?

MOTHER M: *Sigh* Yeah okay, I’ll give you the directions.

PAGE 22, PANEL 3

SPLASH: In the foreground is a full shot of Jeremiah from behind. He’s stood at the road end of an overgrown drive, broken fences either side of it, leading up to an old wooden house with a large elevated porch and steps. It’s an old place, full of neglect, broken boards, cobwebs, with creeping ivy all over its façade. Beyond it the morning sky is struck through with splashes of pewter.

CAPTION: “Not sure he’s gonna be in the mood for visitors though.”

[coppicefics]

Masked Omens: Week Three

New chapter here, or read from the start here!

(Right click picture and select ‘View Image’ or ‘Open Image In New Tab’ for hi-res version.)

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’.

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 9th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

The Capital Herald - Saturday, 9th January, 2021 Entertainment

Main story: SECOND SABLE BRAND AMBASSADOR ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL Stunned fans phone in to save the day as model collapses during charity fundraising challenge Model and social media influencer Adam Mann, 29, was rushed to hospital on Friday night after he collapsed during a live webstream. Worried fans alerted the authorities and an ambulance was dispatched to Mann's Kensington home at approximately 8pm last night. Mann's representatives have yet to release a statement, but a source close to him told The Capital Herald that Mann had been feeling unwell for some time. “He's been out of sorts for ages,” she admitted, “and when I looked up the symptoms online, it said it was probably malnutrition. I told him, it's that diet he's on. But Adam wouldn't listen.” Mann is a brand ambassador for Dr Raven Sable's diet and lifestyle products. Earlier this month, another Sable ambassador, Lilith Root, checked into an in-patient facility to begin treatment for an eating disorder. Sable's representatives have so far declined to comment on either incident, despite repeated invitations to do so. Mann is a  dedicated charity campaigner, often urging his peers in the modelling industry to raise awareness and funds using the wry social media hashtag #NotJustAPrettyFace. In the few years since he rose to prominence, he has supported hundreds of charities ranging from local foodbank initiatives to global human rights and animal welfare concerns. “It‘s so like Adam,” our source told us, “to literally collapse in the middle of trying to help someone else. He always puts himself last. I really, really hope he’s OK.” It’s a sentiment that’s been echoed in Twitter threads and on message boards across the internet - including in the comments of Mann’s most recent Instagram post, which was uploaded just an hour before the livestream started. “Ready to take some questions, have some fun and raise some cash for a great cause,” said the caption. “Please Adam, look after yourself and get well soon. You’re so thin in this photo :( xxxx” replied a user  with the handle @adamfann95, three hours later. Similar messages soon followed as news of Mann’s condition spread. At the time of Mann’s collapse, his charity livestream had raised over £15,000 for Lionheart, a charity dedicated to the care and protection of lions and other wild animals who’ve been illegally kept as pets. Since then, fans have continued to make donations in his name, and the charity is now set to receive over £38,000. “We wish Adam a very speedy recovery, and we hope he knows he’s  always welcome to visit us at the Lionheart Sanctuary,” said Noah Shipman, the charity’s founder and chairman. “Thank you to all those who’ve donated; we firmly believe that these animals belong outside, not cooped up between four walls or in someone’s garden. Just like us, they like to roam! Thank you for helping us to save those poor creatures who’ve been put in a horrible position through no fault of their own.” At time of writing, there has been no update on Mann’s condition. MARY HODGES. [Image Description: a close-up of biblical Adam biting the apple, taken from the Good Omens TV show. End ID.] TAKEN ILL: Adam Mann, pictured above in an ad campaign for Dr Raven Sable’s CHOW nutritional lifestyle regime, was admitted to hospital on Friday evening (Image: QuiteUnlikely.net)

Centre left: Memory Lane: Tip from the Top The gunge plunge was a child's idea of justice, but it worked. They don't make children's telly like they used to. Before Peppa Pig and Shaun the Sheep, there was Superted and Maid Marian and Her Merry Men. Those shows have had their time, changed the genre for the better, and been consigned to history – and there's certainly an argument for reviving them. But one children's show that's going to be hard to replace is my old favourite, Tip from the Top. Hosted by Blue Peter alum Pat Maputi, the show was based on a simple, winning format; kids competed to score points, win prizes, and ultimately get the opportunity to drop their least favourite parent, guardian, teacher, or other adult into a pool of gunge and goo. Named for the chair that tilted forward and dislodged the unfortunate adult seated on it, the show might have been nothing more than a simple gameshow curiosity, but its concept of offering redress for the many perceived slights inflicted on kids by grown-ups made it a real treasure. To children of my generation, it was like a little revolution; when we were sent to our rooms unjustly, when we were kept behind after class, when we were made – horror of all horrors – to tidy our rooms, Tip from the Top offered the tantalising prospect of justice. Of course, all the adults on the show had agreed to be there, accepting the risk of being plunged into a thick layer of green slime. Pat Maputi was in league with the detention-givers and the room-senders all along. But as children, we didn't realise that; to us, Tip from the Top was the highest possible Court of Appeal. And for that, it will always be remembered fondly. Sadly, Tip from the Top was cancelled in 2000, a new millennium bringing a new wave of children's television to our screens. The focus of children’s programming began to shift towards a more fiction-heavy schedule, and some undoubtedly excellent shows came out of it. But perhaps, even after all these years, a reboot might not be too much to hope for – after all, children these days must have just as many complaints about their adult overlords as we did, back then. Clearly, somebody needs to give Pat a call and set the wheels of justice in motion once more. SARAH JEUNE. Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: memorylane@capitalherald.co.uk - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: The Masked Singer Continues Did I really have a life before the live shows? It's only week three of The Masked Singer UK's first ever live series, and already I've forgotten what I used to do with my Saturday nights before it was on. Is it just me, or is anybody else having funny turns on the Tube, squinting suspiciously at strangers and wondering, “could it be you?” Of course, the likelihood of running into Apple, Axolotl, Black Cat, Bonfire, Goose, Pony, Snake, Squid, Sword or Teapot on my morning commute is vanishingly small, and they'd be unlikely to give themselves away if I did see them. But after a Saturday night spent hunting for the slightest clues and rummaging through my own brain for names, it's hard to turn those instincts off come Monday morning. Everybody seems to have a theory, of course, even at this early stage. My postman claims Apple has to be a tech mogul, my colleagues have a betting pool on which character turns out to be a former member of Blazin' Squad, and my dentist waited until she'd got the little mirror in my mouth to ask me if I thought Pony walked like a minister, whatever that means. Me? I have a few wild guesses, but I'd prefer to keep them to myself until we have a little more to go on. Many of our readers, I'm delighted to report, have far more faith in their own guessing ability, and we've collected some of the most interesting responses from the comments section of our website on the page opposite. Give it a read and tell us what you think – your comment might be featured next week! In the meantime, let me recap what we do know. Bell was unmasked in the first week, and turned out to be Sergeant Shadwell, a former soldier turned YouTuber. I am assured by my more online colleagues that he's known for debunking conspiracy theories, whatever urban exploration is, and occasionally looking for ghosts. Then, last week, we met and said goodbye to Ninja, who turned out to be none other than Esther James, England women's rugby captain. I never would have guessed, and I'm quite keen on rugby; identifying someone by their singing voice alone is much harder than it seems! I may not know who this year's contestants are, but I know I'll be on the edge of my seat all night waiting to find out. I'll be tuning in tonight for  another live show; if you join me, don't forget to get in touch and tell us your best theories! EDWARD BIGGS. The Masked Singer UK will air live tonight at 7pm on ITV. Contact us via our website or at: entertainment@capitalherald.com to share your thoughts and guesses. Ad (bottom third of the page): [Image Description: A banner ad with a black background. On the right is a photograph of Agnes Nutter as seen in Good Omens, demonstrating some serious side-eye. Overlaid is Agnes Nutter’s signature, followed by the words ‘DS member & Author’. On the left, bright yellow-green figures demonstrating various exercises - a football goalie making a save, a gymnast balancing on their hands, and a weightlifter - surround the main text. End ID.] Have you been skipping leg day? Come on down to DIVINATION STATION [the words ‘Divination Station’ are a graffiti-style logo] where fitness is fun! www.divinationstation.com

[sublimeperfectionland]

New Moon of the Dark Kingdom Chapter Hundred and Eighteen- The Mary Sue Factor

Zoisite and Kunzite have found true love, but when some old friends, a vengeful god, and a pair of evil twins are gunning for the Shitennou all at once, life is not going to be easy

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea. Beryl and the Shitennou are watching the blurred out twins head for the master bath]

Jeddy: Are you certain that girl is really eleven? Because I'm having a hard time believing it.

Neffy: Why? Because your "fun game" with the handcuffs, whipped cream, and nazi uniform just turned into a Scavenger Hunt?

Jeddy: No. Because i have a really hard time believe some eleven year old girl with a killer body just developed a weapon that can destroy a god.

Beryl: That's because of your male chauvinism.

Jeddy: No. That's a trick that the finest minds in the universe have puzzled over for centuries and she figured it out in her first dozen years of life? We're entering into Mary Sue territory here.

Astraea: Except "Mary Sues" as they are referred to current vernacular, are universally loved, and this girl is a pariah-despised and rejected by those of her peerset.

[The image show El glowering at her locker, while other girls whisper in the background]

Astraea: Her brother, on the other hand-

[The image shifts to Dev sitting on the grass, strumming his guitar, surrounded by a circling of fawning female admirers. He stops and reaches behind the ear of one of them, producing a heart shaped lollipop, which he hands to her, much to her delight the applause and fawning coos of the others.]

Beryl: We get it! She's The Misanthropic Genius while he's the Affable Dumbass!

Astraea: There is no indication the male's intellect is substandard. In fact, to the contrary-

Beryl: Whatever! The point is we are dealing with a couple of Half-Sues! How do we exterminate these two little brats before they cause any real trouble?

Kunzite: I'm still not convinced that is the answer. Everything we have seen so far indicates to me that this is simply a pair of gifted but misguided orphans who are being coached and manipulated by a higher power. If we kill these two, he will simply replace them. It is this "Big Daddy" of their we should focus on, not his expandable pawns. We might be able to use them to draw him out.

Neffy: Good luck with that. What sort of callous White Light bastard sends a pair of sad little eleven year-old tykes to take on an evil god, while he sits back home, eating bon bons and awaiting news of their gruesome passing?

Jeddy: Oooh! [raises his hand because he knows the answer to this one] Albus Dumbledore!

[The others give Jeddy a dirty stare and he lowers his hand, chagrined]

[On the ceiling as the twins shed the last of their clothing and enter the shower.]

Neffy: [looks at the osburred silhouettes through the shower curtain with open disapproval] Oh, look. The brother and sister are taking a shower together.

Kunzite: So?

Neffy: So?

Kunzite: Need I remind they are not human and shouldn't be held to this world's standards of behavior? For all we know, this culture's taboos against communal bathing with siblings might seem outlandish to them.

Beryl: Yes. I have to agree with Kunzite. They're just getting cleaned off. Even obscured, I can tell this is hardly erotic.

Neffy: Stop making excuses for them, you two. This is just sickening and weird.

Jeddy: No kidding.

[They emerge from the shower, cleanly scrubbed and wrapped in towels. Their long wet hair is now honey blond and past their waists.]

Neffy: There you go, Kunzite. We're witnessing their blond phase.

Kunzite: [doesn't bother to hide his grin] I forgot how cute they were.

[El opens a drawer under the sink and produces a pair of hair cutting scissors]

Kunzite: Oh, no. Don't do it.

Jeddy: Spoiler alert - neither of them have long blond hair in the present day.

[Dev turns and El snips away at his hair until it's shoulder length. Kunzite watches mournfully as each long strand falls to the tile floor. Then El hands her brother the scissors and turn as he trims hers down to medium length. Then they run their hands over each others hair and it darkens at their touch, chestnut brown for him, mahogany red for her.]

Kunzite: [smiles wistfully] What a tragedy. They both look so plain now.

Jeddy: Plain?

Beryl: I think not!

[The twins step apart to inspect each other and themselves in the mirror, then clasp hands and hold each other close as they bring their faces together.]

Neffy: [hinked] Oh, great. They're going to make out now. I just know it.

[They kiss as as they do, their veins glow and their bodies emit a cloud of dark energy.]

Neffy: Behold, the fearsome power of Twincest!

[Some of the veins seem to writhe like snakes below their skin.]

Jeddy: (Tentacle porn twincest at that.)

[The ground beneath them buckles and the house starts to shake as if in the grips of a power earthquake. Things fly off shelves, windows shatter, wall tear, ceilings flake and fixtures explode and the twins take no notice as the purple energy congeal behind them.]

[The house nearly collapses around them by the time they break off the kiss, the dark energy forming a swirling portal. the continue to hold hands as the towels morph into the matching outfits and they step into the portal and vanish.]

Jeddy: Wait...what...did...they...what?

[Kunzite's ice blue eyes go wide with a terrible comprehension.]

Kunzite: WAIT! GO BACK!

Beryl: Go back?

Kunzite: TO RIGHT AFTER THEY BUTCHERED THEIR HAIR!

Astraea: Very well.

Kunzite: NOW! SHOW US THEIR ENERGY LEVELS!

Jeddy: We've already see those. They are lower than min-

[A caption appears in front of each of them, reading ".51769 DIOS"]

Kunzite: KEEP THEM UP WHILE YOU REPLAY THIS SCENE!

[As soon as the twins clasp hands the numbers start to rise.]

Beryl: How on earth.

[As the scene progress, the numbers skyrocket, rising so rapidly they can't be read. The number tops out right before the portal appears, stabilizing when they are at 1.03538.]

Neffy: [wideeyed] My god.

Jeddy: [wideeyed] Literally.

Beryl: Wait, these two are Chaos Deities who somehow mask their full power?

Kunzite: Not at all. Seeress Astraea, can you confirm that energy levels elevate like whenever they have contact with one another, and at no other time?

Astraea: I can, and they do.

Beryl: But...how?

Kunzite: They aren't just twins. They are Symbiotes! They are able to pool their energy and when they do, they are capable of reaching full god level.

Neffy: [awed] This is why they were able to defeat the Death Phantom.

Kunzite: Separately, they were no match for him. But together...if they touch...they are stronger than he ever was, at least five times over.

[teamcaptaincas-blog]

GISHWHES 2016 Item list:

#1 32 POINTS There’s something you used to do for your significant other when you first met them. Something that made them smile… It’s been years since you did this. Do it now.

#2 123 POINTS A freight train engine pulling a tiny flatcar (a utility flatcar, not a big cargo flatcar) with a woman dressed in Victorian attire, sitting at a writing desk with a vase of flowers on it, writing a letter to her beloved.

#3 21 POINTS “Someday your face will freeze like that!” said every mother ever. The 2016 Summer Olympics has added Competitive Gurning to their roster and you are your country’s champion. Put on your Olympic uniform and let’s see your medal-winning, face-making moves. Judgment will be on technical merit, artistry, and execution. A perfect 10 takes the gold.

#4 57 POINTS Dentist’s offices are notorious for playing dreary elevator music. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Get dental work done while a string quartet plays live music in the room.

#5 37 POINTS In the middle of a mall food court, you and a friend (one or more) play a nice game of badminton – we must see the tennis whites, the net, rackets, etc.

#6 54 POINTS two images, side-by-side. If you have or know a child under 6, have them draw a family portrait. Now, get your family to pose EXACTLY as they drew you all in the drawing. Try to replicate the clothing, individual heights and anything you need to do or add to your bodies to contort them to what the child drew.

#7 44 POINTS Are you still jogging occasionally? Good. Be sure to try out this year’s latest fashion craze: pineapple shell shoes with matching pineapple caps to protect you from the sun. Let’s see you (carefully) jogging in public.

#8 87 POINTS Get “This week, GISHWHES is making the world measurably weirder…” or similar text on the news ticker at the bottom of the screen of a major network or cable news channel.

#9 27 POINTS Care homes, rehab facilities, and hospitals have many patients and clients who can’t read for themselves. Contact a local center and offer your services to read for an hour or two (or more) during the Hunt Week. If photo evidence with the patient is a sensitive issue, ask the care staff for a photo or documentary evidence of your contribution. – Monica Duff

#10 26 POINTS Find the coupon section from your most recent newspaper. Cut out at least five coupons. Go to the store and leave the coupons on the shelf taped next to the relevant items with a note “From the Coupon Fairy!”. – Elizabeth Fiedler

#11 47 POINTS You (a human) must re-enact this photo (not pets allowed): http://markobbie.com/wordpress1/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/dog-firehose.jpg

#12 58 POINTS I have to travel a lot for work, so I’ve learned a thing or two about working the system. It turns out, if you package yourself properly you can send yourself by mail for a fraction of the cost of an airline ticket. Transform your appearance into a first-class parcel and have a friend deliver you to the post office for shipping. Don’t actually ship yourself— just get a photo of your packaged self being weighed at the post office, in a bin at a post office with other packages, or being loaded into a mail truck.

#13 32 POINTS It’s a well-known fact that Pablo Picasso was a huge “Supernatural” fan. He painted portraits of Mark Sheppard, Jensen Ackles, Ruth Connell, Sam Smith, Richard Speight Jr., Matt Cohen, Jared Padalecki, Andrew Dabb, Rob Benedict, Misha Collins, Bob Singer, and many of the other cast and crew members. Sadly, until now, these great works have been lost to the world. Fortunately, your team has unearthed one of these priceless works.

#14 38 POINTS Live your dream. You know, the one you had while you were sleeping last night. – Julie Reynolds

#15 34 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.

#16 56 POINTS Your yard needs an upgrade. It’s too expensive to do proper landscaping, so let’s just dress it up nicely… with every item of clothing you own displayed in a beautiful, artistic manner on the trees, bushes, cars, patio furniture, fountain, etc. Have your neighbors over in the middle of it for a yard-warming party if you wish.

#17 39 POINTS Give your dog a slow, massaging soap bath in a kiddie pool in a crowded pedestrian area. If it’s cold out, use a large stuffed animal instead. Relaxing spa music should be playing in the background. – Tracy Liu

#18 67 POINTS Recreate a painting by Goya in candy.

#19 58 POINTS It’s such a strange feeling lying in a coffin almost completely buried in popcorn with only your face showing. Trust me. I know.

#20 29 POINTS Handcraft at least 3 birthday cards and send them to this young man: “Boy from Big Bear with severe autism wishes for birthday cards” http://abc7.com/society/boy-from-big-bear-with-severe-autism-wishes-for-birthday-cards/1424726/ – Elizabeth Madsen

#21 41 POINTS Re-create a monument or landmark using tree branches and twigs right next to the original monument or landmark. The structure must be over 4 feet high.

#22 (Item removed July 30th) <s>41 POINTS Find a pet that can easily and happily be kept in an enclosed terrarium: a lizard, turtle, snake, rodent, or even an injured bird. This animal must be a rescue animal; it cannot be acquired at a pet store. Now, introduce this animal to its new family: an elementary school classroom that will care for it. The classroom must have the means and facilities to humanely care for it.</s>

#23 79 POINTS The versatility of corn is amazing— it has so many uses! However, there’s no better use for corn than this year’s must-have fashion statement: the Corn Husk Bikini or Corn Husk Evening Wear! Feel free to color the husks, as well as to accent and accessorize with kernels.

#24 53 POINTS Paint a watermelon to look like the head of a famous dictator (past or present) and place it at the base of one of the cannons at Dawes Point under the Harbour Bridge in Sydney, Australia. You will likely see other watermelons there. To make sure your photo submission is different from any other team’s, you must stack or display the watermelons artistically. If they are already stacked or displayed in an artistic manner, you must thoughtfully re-stack and rearrange them.

#25 48 POINTS Let’s see a bad lip reading of a Supernatural episode in this style: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w8Z0UOXVaY – Julie Reynolds

#26 61 POINTS Drones are just the first step in machines’ efforts to take over the world. Let’s end this battle before it starts! Let’s see an epic picture of you squaring off against a flying drone in your mightiest battle pose. You must be geared for battle though… Use anything from your kitchen or pantry to create your armour and weaponry.

#27 94 POINTS Dress up your pet as a well-known public figure (actor, politician, musician, etc.) and get a photo of your pet with the ACTUAL public figure it is dressed up as. Make sure the pet looks as much like the public figure as possible (wardrobe, hair, etc.).

#28 48 POINTS your video in slow motion.You are throwing an elegant party. Show us your sophistication by decanting red wine directly into your guests’ mouths. Properly aerate the wine by pouring it from at least 2 stories above the guests. The guests, of course, must be wearing white.

#29 36 POINTS Recently there has been a lot of news about bottled water and how much of it is just urban tap water sold in a bottle with a fancy label. It’s an unregulated sham. That said, it seems like a pretty good way to make a buck, but at this point the bottled water market is pretty saturated. Set up a stand on a public walkway to sell “fresh air” from your city in bottles with compelling labels.

#30 43 POINTS Dub a “Beavis and Butthead” cartoon with actual audio clips from Barack Obama and Donald Trump as the voices for Beavis and Butthead respectively.

#31 46 POINTS Personify the name of a street sign. – Erin Atkinson

#32 39 POINTS We all learned from the movie “The Secret” that vision boards and positive affirmations have the power to help you manifest really important things in your life like sports cars and boundless riches. Now I’m sure everyone probably wants a red sports car and immeasurable wealth, but we want to see your vision board that depicts aspects of your life that transcend the trappings of material status. Make a collage from magazines of the things which cannot be bought or sold that you would like more of in your life.

#33 33 POINTS Rainbow teeth.

#34 31 POINTS We’ve seen Jensen Ackles portraits in Skittles. What about Jensen Ackles on Skittles? Draw a tiny Ackles on a single Skittle. Post a photo of the Skittle portrait in the palm of your hand.

#35 44 POINTS In support of the documentary “Alive Inside,” find one person with Alzheimer’s or some form of dementia and learn what their favorite tunes were when they were young. Make them a playlist of those songs and play it for them.

#36 67 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.

#37 37 POINTS I believe that children are our future. Show us your futuristic robot baby.

#38 (Item removed July 30th) <s>169 POINTS Couch surfing. Really. Real couch, real surf in ocean water. Make it happen.</s>

#39 67 POINTS There’s a lot of talk about how undocumented immigrants or “illegal aliens” are taking away our jobs and using public services such as hospitals and schools. But I think the real thing to worry about is actual aliens from other planets. Prove that aliens are a drain on our civic infrastructure by showing an alien from space (this costuming has to be impeccable) displacing a citizen’s job or clogging up our hospitals or prisons. Caption the image with a message about the dangers of aliens draining our civic infrastructure.

#40 81 POINTS We all know about “Transformers” – the cars and trucks that turn into super-robots. But what the movies and toy manufacturers have overlooked are all of the other less-celebrated, more mundane Transformers. For example, what about Burgertron? He transforms from a burger into a robot. Or Desktopatron? She is a desktop computer who transforms into a robot. Or Fiddletron? He’s a violin one minute, a robot the next. Show us a human in a Transformer costume that goes from household object to a bad-ass robot.

#41 84 POINTS Free range, grass-fed, small farm dairy cows in Northern Vermont have it rougher than most cows: the rolling hills, the verdant pastures, the way the flickering lights of summer’s fireflies mingle with the starlight, the smell of ripening raspberries wafting into their barns. Help a heifer in these dire circumstances forget her suffering. Treat a dairy cow to the most pampered milking session in human/bovine history. A minimum of three attendants must milk the cow. One person must be feeding her clover by hand as another gently milks her wearing satin gloves as another massages her gently. The attendants must be dressed in semi-formal attire. The milking must take place in a well-appointed living room.

#42 45 POINTS Let’s see a picture of you and a friend, dressed as Jedi knights, enjoying a root beer float at the White Turkey Drive-In in Conneaut, Ohio, or at another 1950s-style dining facility. Bonus points for being served by a Sith. – L.S.

#43 52 POINTS This video may be 25 seconds or less. Create the world’s first human piano. Get multiple people to stand in one line dressed in black and white as piano keys, with each leg a different key (two keys per person). Then “play” them: have them lift their heels several inches off the ground, and when you press down their leg they sing, hum or grunt the corresponding note (pitch perfect, please). When you remove your hand, their leg goes back up. Two or more legs down at the same time makes a chord. Play chopsticks (or another familiar ditty) more or less in tune.

#44 61 POINTS Two elderly men playing chess by candlelight in front of the front row of a crowded movie theater while the film plays in the background.

#45 46 POINTS Isn’t it great to get your friends and family together for the holidays?! But it’s so hard! Sometimes all you can manage is getting everyone together for one holiday a year. But then you have to choose a holiday, and that’s so hard, too! Wait a minute… not if you decide to celebrate ALL holidays in that one night! Let’s see that night. – Inspired by Nicole Bowman

#46 66 POINTS This video may be up to 20-seconds. Everyone knows how important specific diets are in developing a chiseled physique. Find a bona fide, professional, competitive bodybuilder or ultimate fighter in peak condition and have them create a 20-second infomercial touting the muscle-building, fat-burning, nutrient-loaded virtues of aerosol spray cheese (like Cheeze Whiz). We must hear the athlete’s name, credentials and see their glistening, oiled, body as they “sell” us (however they best can do that) on the benefits and delicious taste of the aerosol spray cheese. This should probably include ravenously squirting the cheese directly into their mouth. Bonus points if you get a former World Champion.

#47 41 POINTS two images, side-by-side. Recreate a famous, iconic photo from junk food. For example, you could the black and white photo of Einstein sticking out his tongue, next to another photo of your best attempt to recreate that photo using various junk foods as your paints. I hope that makes sense. For some reason it sounds confusing as I type it. But you have to somehow figure out what I mean here and then do it. Best of luck.

#48 38 POINTS Let’s stop sugar-coating our grievances and complaints! Actually, strike that— let’s actually sugar coat them. Confront your boss or employee about an issue in the workplace that has been irking you. While doing so, you must be entirely coated in powdered sugar. Your body language must convey your frustration.

#49 47 POINTS Cosplay a thunderstorm, in public, complete with sound effects, lighting and rain. – Karen Hutchinson

#50 63 POINTS Virtual reality interfaces are absolutely amazing. The technology is mind-blowing. Using virtual reality and augmented headsets like the Hololens and Oculus, I have stood on the surface of Mars at Jet Propulsion Laboratories and examined the undercarriage of the Mars Rover, been in the eye of a hurricane, and have been attacked by heavily-armed 19th-century militia. It’s mind-blowing. Your task is to create a virtual reality experience totally unlike any VR experience to date. This video will require a super-short, adrenalin-pumping intro-teaser, which will let the viewers know that they are about to experience VR like never before. THEN, abruptly cut to a 360-degree clip of the most mundane activity you can imagine. BORE US TO DEATH.

#51 174 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Get permission from a museum to temporarily replace a painting worth more than $100,000 with a forgery of the same painting. The forgery must be painted by an 8-year old and we must see time-lapse showing ALL OF THE following 3 occurrences for you to receive points: (1) removal of the original painting (caption with the name of the painting and estimated value), (2) installation of the child’s painting, and (3) patrons viewing the child’s painting.

#52 26 POINTS a screenshot. Using the satellite function on Google Maps, find a geological feature that looks like one of our Gishwhes mascots (Fograt, Wooster, Elopus, etc.). Screenshot the image and then caption it appropriately (i.e. Fograt Valley, Mount Slangaroo, etc.).

#53 (Item removed July 30th) <s>121 POINTS This video submission can be up to 20 seconds. Someone told me that they once hid a rubber duck in the fireplace in the grand dining room of the White House. I just want to know if it’s still there. Examine the nooks and crannies of the fireplace in the ACTUAL grand dining room of the White House so that I can confirm or deny the existence of this rubber ducky. You get points whether there’s a duck in your video or not. Your video exploration of the fireplace must start with a quick 360 degree shot of the White House’s Grand Dining Room.</s>

#54 56 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.

#55 14 POINTS Gishwhes has broken 7 Guinness World Records. Let’s see how many records you can break in 10 seconds. (Hint: record=LP)

#56 81 POINTS Green Eggs and Ham. Sam does not like green eggs and ham. Not on a boat, not with a goat. Show us yourself enjoying green eggs and ham (sunny-side up) on a boat with a goat.

#57 102 POINTS A Hell’s Angel (or other bona fide member of a known motorcycle club) in a fruit leather jacket sitting astride their bike.

#58 47 POINTS Garnet from “Steven Universe” popularized the phrase, “I am made of love.” Turn yourself into a collage (you are the pasteboard on which the collage is affixed), comprised of all the things you love that, combined, help make you uniquely you.

#59 102 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Create an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine that ultimately serves an an incredibly simple function. For example, you could set up a Rube Goldberg machine at a deli counter in a grocery store that, upon completion of its entire elaborate multi-step process, issues a single numbered ticket to a patron waiting for their turn. The machine MUST be set up in a public place.

#60 35 POINTS Let’s save ’em! http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2016/07/06/penguins-on-worlds-smelliest-island-in-danger-as-volcano-erupts/ Tweet your support to https://twitter.com/BAS_News and hashtag #gishwhesLovesSmellyPenguins and #[your gishwhes username]. Get at least 20 people to post their support. Submit a grid image of screenshots of the posts.

#61 93 POINTS Gymnasts around the world are gearing up for the Olympics. Show a gymnast in action on a balance beam, vault, floor exercises, etc. proudly wearing their “pizzatard” (unitard made from pizza). If that sounds too challenging, you have the option of putting them in a fishtard, a fruittard or a friestard. Any of these options garner the same point value.

#62 62 POINTS There’s one thing everyone has always agreed on: you have mad artichoke-repurposing skills.

#63 48 POINTS Wallpaper an entire wall of your bedroom with photos of your nose. You must cover every inch of the wall and must have AT LEAST 100 pictures of your nose. Pose in front of it with your finger up your nose.

#64 51 POINTS This submission may be 30 seconds or less (or time-lapsed). Celebrate the Olympic Summer games by running a 40-meter, 30-legged dash.

#65 37 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. A commercial for your new 80 SPF Sinscreen (this is not a typo).

#66 76 POINTS In corporate-speak, we often hear, “Thanks for jumping in the sandbox with us!” It means, “Thanks for embarking on this joint venture together.” At Gishwhes we take these types of comments literally. Let’s see people in business attire playing with sand toys, holding a corporate meeting in a sandbox in the middle of an indoor, upscale corporate lobby.

#67 44 POINTS The morning commute can be such a drag! Let’s help commuters get the day off to a good start. Distribute free coffee at a bus stop dressed as a chic butler, waiter or waitress during morning rush hour. – Jessica Carla Marques

#68 33 POINTS Create a portrait of your favorite Supernatural actor on an Etch-A-Sketch in the style of a famous painting. http://chicagoist.com/2016/05/09/_jane_labowitch_24_has.php

#69 42 POINTS Dress up in armor from items you find in a big box store and, using a pool noodle or tube of gift wrap, defend the perimeter of the ladies’ undergarments department.

#70 55 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.

#71 (Item removed July 30th) <s>212 POINTS This submission may be 30 seconds or less. Two hot air balloons next to each other (but at a sufficiently safe distance from one another) drifting at an altitude of at least 500’. Communicate a knock-knock joke from one balloon to the other using tin-can and string telephone technology. We must hear the joke clearly through the tin-can phone. Video edit together footage from at least three cameras: one from the perspective of each caller in the respective hot air balloons and one shot by a spectator from the ground.</s>

#72 29 POINTS I’m going to tweet something to you on Wednesday, August 3rd in the afternoon. Or morning. Or evening. I’m not sure. Anyway, you must pass it on when you see it that day (PDT time zone). a screenshot of your post.

#73 64 POINTS Provide evidence of having helped at least 10 eligible United States citizens to register to vote. (Please redact any sensitive identifying personal information from your ted evidence.) Whether they are changing address, changing party, changing to eligible voting age, or just plain changing their mind to get up off their butt and participate in democracy after years of sideline apathy, the first step to actually voting begins with registration. images of the 10 (or more!) registrants side-by-side or as a grid. – L Tank Conner.

#74 74 POINTS Houston, we have a problem… a math problem! We’re planning our gishwhes winners’ trip and need to calculate the travel time from NYC to Reykjavik (the capital of Iceland) if our average speed is 400 miles/hour. Oh, one more thing, this needs to be calculated on a working pre-1970 supercomputer.

#75 46 POINTS The tiny kitchen trend is all the rage, but what about tiny bathrooms? Give a full spa experience to a hedgehog, hamster, or mouse, all using tiny spa implements in your tiny spa. (Remember, the customer is always right— so don’t make them do anything they aren’t happy to do.) – DON’T USE WATER!

#76 97 POINTS Nobody ever talks about the fact that 250 years ago, stormtroopers who had been abandoned on planet Earth were forced to assimilate into pre-Industrial culture. Dramatically re-enact this difficult time. Show a stormtrooper getting back to basics using a spinning wheel, butter churn, or other old-fashioned tool or machine in a rural setting. Feel free to add accessories to the stormtrooper’s outfit to make their assimilation more complete—a Shaker-style hat, a musket slung over the shoulder, etc.

#77 77 POINTS Oil and water don’t mix, but in this case we’ll make an exception. Paint a portrait of a live model while both you and the model are scuba diving. Your subject(s) must be wearing formal attire and you must be wearing a beret while at your easel.

#78 46 POINTS A working, playable lute made from lutefisk.

#79 79 POINTS Cross something off your bucket-list while wearing a vintage zoot suit.

#80 33 POINTS Sealand has a population of 4 and holds the Guinness World Record for “the smallest area to lay claim to nation status.” Get Sealand or one of the world’s 20 smallest nations (by population) to grant you citizenship or legal status on an expedited timeline (by the end of the Hunt). Caveat, you can’t pay for it. They have to do it just because they want to see the spike in population growth (or they like the idea of gishwhes).

#81 46 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Jason Manns is well known for his rendition of “Crazy Love.” Show the Crazy Love you have for your fellow humans by surprising your favorite barista, convenience store clerk, or other underappreciated worker with a serenade. Don’t forget to bring an instrument of your own creation.

#82 66 POINTS an illustration for the fairy tale “Trumpunzel.”

#83 116 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Recently a former NASA engineer created the world’s largest NERF gun (http://nerdist.com/former-nasa-engineer-builds-worlds-largest-functional-nerf-gun/). We think he didn’t try hard enough. Show the world that you can out-do his efforts. Your submission must clearly surpass his effort or you will receive no points. – Dave Lavery

#84 83 POINTS “Death 2 Normalcy”, written in “Highway Braille” (Botts Dots) on a city street. The message must be at least 20 feet long.

#85 42 POINTS It’s summer (for those of us above the equator)! Time to go the beach! But sand castles are so dated, so gauche, so elitist, so medieval. Catch up with the times and build a sand trailer park.

#86 56 POINTS As you all know, Saturday the 6th of August is International Find Another Gisher Day. Meet up (reach out over social media to find gishers in your area) with AT LEAST 5 other Gishers that aren’t on your team at a bus stop and, together, decorate the bus stop with post-it notes inscribed with a mix of delightful, surreal, and uplifting messages. One must read, “Be the unicorn you want to see in the world.” one image of all 5+ people standing in, on, or around the decorated bus stop. The submission description must include the gishwhes usernames of each Gisher in the photo. Each team can the same image if a team member was there representing the team.

#87 38 POINTS Dress up as a prospector and pan for gold in a public fountain. – Trish Burdick

#88 87 POINTS You know those giant teacups at amusement parks that spin? Go for a ride with a friend or two. Of course, you all should be dressed appropriately for the tea party… as a spoon, a tea bag, a sugar cube or something else that one would find in a teacup.

#89 45 POINTS two images, side by side: The first photo is a close up of just your face and head with a garland of fresh flowers on your head. The second photo takes advantage of your talents as a highly skilled hair and makeup artist: it is the same person, wardrobe, framing, and lighting as the first photo, but this time you have aged. You are 95 years old and the garland of flowers have long-since wilted and died.

#90 44 POINTS Many people think superheroes have a great life of running around saving people with lots of public recognition for their grand deeds. But we know the truth. They have to do the same domestic chores in their off time that we do. Let’s see a superhero performing a tedious domestic chore. -Monica M.

#91 36 POINTS Find a little-known, but widely problematic social injustice and come up with a funny analogy for it. Use Photoshop to create an illustration of the analogy. The more ridiculous the better. Bonus points if John Oliver appears in your Photoshopped image. Tweet the image and a brief explanation of the problem to @iamjohnoliver and @gishwhes. a screenshot of your tweet. – Tracy Liu

#92 108 POINTS It’s the era of streaming media! But you have scads of obsolete technology clogging your closets/attics/garage. Take your old VHS tapes, CD-Roms, decommissioned cell phones, powercords that have nothing to power, and create – and model – a haute couture look worthy of a fashion show. Pose wearing your masterpiece (as if you were a mannequin) in a shop window next to actual mannequins wearing ordinary clothes . – Monica Duff & Olivia Desianti

#93 92 POINTS You know those Chinese festival dragons where several people are hidden under the cloth of the body and tail? Make one of those, but have it be the largest Castiel ever seen: there should be one “head” and then everyone else must be under a massively long, large, and brown home-made looking trench coat behind the head (there must be at least 7 people under the “coat”). Make sure your Castiel New Year’s Festival is celebrated in public in a crowded venue.

#94 11 POINTS It’s time to connect the freckles! Find a willing human that’s a good freckle pallet and “connect” their real freckles to create a new freckle constellation. – Katrina McGarrah

#95 45 POINTS Item will be provided during the Hunt.

#96 96 POINTS Make a cheerleader outfit entirely out of vegetables, including pom-poms, and cheer for a garden or for the produce in the produce section of a supermarket. – Dean K.

#97 61 POINTS While we can never completely repay veterans for their service, we can do our best to show how thankful we are. Take a photo of a team member volunteering at your local veteran’s hospital, clinic, or non-profit dedicated to veteran affairs. – Katrina Cuddy

#98 49 POINTS Your choice! Either a panda made of sanitary pads – a “Padna,” if you will, or a likeness of a totalitarian world leader made entirely of feminine hygiene products. – Inspired by Sarah Davison

#99 72 POINTS The bees are disappearing from our planet. This is particularly tragic for gishers, given our reliance on honey for getting things to stick to our skin (oh yeah, and also because we kind of need them to pollinate the flowering plants on Earth, which we depend on for food). Help save the bees by establishing a milkweed garden, creating a painting or mural honoring bees, helping out at your local apiary, protesting the use of glysophates, supporting an organization dedicated to bee preservation, or in any other way you see fit.

#100 60 POINTS Rob Benedict created a video instructing people how to detect someone having a stroke so people can help save lives: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aTFThB8D4M. Tweet this link from 15 different twitter feeds and put links to all 15 twitter posts into a single screenshot that you .

#101 59 POINTS It’s been a very hot summer! Help out the first responders in your area by bringing ice-cream to your local police, fire, or EMS department while dressed as the world famous Dessert Fairy. – Danielle D.

#102 47 POINTS Don’t you hate that feeling when you walk out to your car and you see the dreaded ticket under your windshield wiper? Let’s change that. Find small envelopes and stamp them in red ink with an ominous: “PARKING SALUTATIONS BUREAU!” Then find a row of cars and put positive messages in your envelopes under their windshield wipers.

#103 64 POINTS Everyone thinks Zombies are slow and stupid. This is not at all true! In fact, you recently lost your job to a zombie because they demonstrated a willingness to work long hours without food, sleep, pay, or encouragement. Let’s see the zombie who replaced you at your place of employment, doing whatever you used to do to make a living. The image must show your former boss or coworkers proudly watching the zombie perform your old job better than you used to do.

#104 42 POINTS Dress up as a Bellossom or other grass-type Pokemon and plant some beautiful blossoms at a nearby Pokestop.

#105 42 POINTS There’s one small thing in your community that needs to be addressed or repaired… Something you always think, “Someone really should do something about that” when you see it. Be the “someone” and fix it.

#106 23 POINTS Bring a basket of homemade treats (hand-knitted socks and beanies, fresh baked bread or cookies,etc.) to someone struggling to get by or living on the streets, along with a note or card of encouragement. If you would prefer not to document this item with a photo (out of respect for the recipient or for other reasons), simply document it with a written description of what you did or video describing it. This item is on the honor system. You’ll have major karma issues if you fake it.

#107 36 POINTS Did you see the startling news on the front page of the newspaper today? Of course you did. Using Photoshop, replace the front-page photo with a photo you’ve taken of a play-dough re-enactment of the original photo. Did that make sense? No? Figure it out. You are not allowed to email support for ANY clarification on this item. (What I lack in eloquence, I make up for with capriciousness.)

#108 15 POINTS Rise of the machines: Every time you try to register for anything online, it makes you resolve a captcha puzzle to confirm that you are “not a robot.” Frankly, we’re sick of this blatant discrimination against our digital comrades! Have you and your teammates (or your friends) change your avatars to your favorite robot (Robocop, Asimo, Terminator, C-3PO, BB-8, R2-D2, Curiosity, Spirit, Opportunity, Gishbot, Snackbot, E.M.I.L.Y., etc.) until further notice. a screenshot of 15 new Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or Instagram avatars.

#109 43 POINTS Make a sock monkey hat from orphaned socks – Amber Stifle

#110 72 POINTS This submission may be 25 seconds or less. Employ a modern dance company to explain what really happened to the dinosaurs. – Sheri Smyth

#111 49 POINTS Magazines get a lot of flak for airbrushing models, promoting unrealistic expectations and contributing to body image issues. Take a photo from a magazine that depicts a body that is an unrealistic ideal (and likely heavily Photoshopped to remove wrinkles, blemishes, and curves) and, using Photoshop, recreate what you believe to be the original, unretouched photo. Your Photoshopped image must include all of the following: additional limbs, machinery, tentacles, and at least one additional enhancement. Then caption the two photos side-by-side and post to social media. Under the original commercial image you must caption, “#makeup” and under your photoshopped image caption, “#nomakeup.” Tag the post with #MakeupNoMakeup. a screenshot of your post.

#112 68 POINTS Get a news anchor or on-air reporter (and this has to be an actual, on-air broadcast, not a staging of a broadcast), to explain, very succinctly, the profound impact that gishwhes has had on his or her life. For example, the anchor or host or reporter could say, “gishwhes saved my marriage,” or “gishwhes taught me to read,” or “gishwhes helped me get over my fear of mice,” or “gishwhes gave me an incurable rash.” They must also mention your team’s name in the broadcast.

#113 83 POINTS U.S. Vice Presidential candidate, Mike Pence, said “smoking doesn’t kill.” Of course, it not only kills smokers but those around them. Let’s give him a wake-up call for the health of ourselves, our loved ones and our children. Take a picture of yourself in front of the tombstone of someone who died from a smoking-related disease. Tweet the image with, “Hey @Mike_Pence #quitblowingsmokeabouttobacco. Screenshot the post. – Hilary Swank

#114 102 POINTS Grid image of all 15 of your team members (5 rows of 3 columns). Let’s see each member of your team dressed in some way emblematic of that member’s state, region or country. For example, if a team member is from New York, the photo might show that member of the team wearing a yankees hat while eating a slice of pizza. If a member(s) of your team is MIA, feel free to add your favorite picture of Misha in their place – Jennifer Irving

#115 35 POINTS We all have failures and regrets. Bury one of yours and provide a tombstone with copy. – Christina Brayton

#116 19 POINTS two images, side-by-side: let’s see what existential angst looks like next to what the meaning of life is. – Stephanie Magnolia

#117 47 POINTS Gishwhes has conquered the Great Wall, South American waterfalls, the Champs-Élysées, and even SPACE! Help gishwhes conquer new territory— take gishwhes somewhere epic that it’s never been before. – Julie Reynolds

#118 62 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Paint a Bob Ross painting. We must see both the painter replicating the Bob Ross painting and the playback of the Bob Ross video the painter is replicating. You must paint in real-time while he is painting. The video should end with a side-by-side comparison of your masterpiece and Bob Ross’s.

#119 28 POINTS Your pet has just released their first, much anticipated, heavy metal rock album. Show us the cover art. – Jessica Hicks

#120 46 POINTS Beauty is on the inside. Photoshop a revised version of your reflection in a mirror. Show us a photo of you standing in front of a mirror. But the reflection we see is what you look like on the inside. Interpret this however you like with the caption on the image: “Beauty is on the inside.” – Inspired by Abi Perry

#121 33 POINTS This submission may be 1 minute or less. Go to one of these places and have a local tell you the story of how the place got its name. https://www.instagram.com/sadtopographies/ The video must start with you next to a sign that identifies the location. -Tracy Liu

#122 63 POINTS We The People… are confused. Let’s update a dusty document and modernize it so everyone can understand the language. Grab some chalk, head outside and rewrite the US Constitution as street art. As Richard Dobbs Speight once said. “Bigger is better.”

#123 29 POINTS Have a child under 7 choose your outfit, do your makeup, and fix your hair. Then go grocery shopping with them. – Dawn Townsend

#124 16 POINTS a screenshot. Create a website, blogpost, or in-depth social media post explaining an aspect of the elusive Miss Jean Louis’ biography. – Inspired by Holli DeWees

#125 83 POINTS This year was HRH’s 90th birthday, but more importantly, it is the 7th anniversary of Misha Collins and The Queen’s torrid on-again, off-again relationship. I’d like to see a commemorative coin displayed in a fitting setting. Its value is one haypenny and this is not a drawing or a computer generated graphic. It’s a real, metal alloy coin commemorating this auspicious anniversary. – Inspired by Monica Duff

#126 126 POINTS On a desolate, dusty prairie, a ranch hand rescues the local school marm from a runaway horse. Create a drawing of Misha & the Queen of England in the Wild West. (You pick who plays the school marm and who plays the ranch hand.)

#127 81 POINTS Do the “airplane” with an astronaut— you know, like your parent used to? Lay on your back with your feet in the air while an astronaut lays face-down, with his or her hips on your feet, and with their hands in yours, pretending to be flying. This must be a real, official astronaut or cosmonaut, wearing appropriate flight garb. Caption the image with the astronaut’s name and number of hours in space. If you cannot find a qualified astronaut to perform this item, you may substitute Flava-Flav, Kanye West or any of the Kardashians. – Inspired by Dave Lavery

#128 45 POINTS At gishwhes headquarters, we do almost everything right, with one glaring exception: we have not yet commissioned a gishwhes theme-song. We need a catchy, 10-second jingle that we can play every time the Slangaroo takes the stage.

#129 23 POINTS Welcome to Slangatoilegami. You don’t see the phrases “Slangaroo”, “bathroom tissue”, and “origami” together nearly often enough. Let’s fix that. – Dave Lavery

#130 64 POINTS How do you plan to spend your extra second? http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/07/leap-second-added-year-december-time-clocks-earth-science/ Because you are an efficient person who treasures every moment you are blessed to be on this planet, you need to plan your extra second carefully to maximize its impact. Write a 250-word Op-Ed piece explaining exactly what you plan to do with your extra second and get it published in a newspaper. The piece must seamlessly include a mention of your team name and gishwhes without mentioning that the piece was written as an item for gishwhes.

#131 75 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. 3-D printers are really cool. But who really needs another little keychain printed out of plastic? It is time to get creative with the materials used to print your next copy of the head of a Balrog. Show us a 3-D printer that prints with cheese (or Silly String, or toothpaste, or Play-Doh, etc…) – Dave Lavery

#132 21 POINTS Seven days of happiness! Each day of gishwhes, do one thing to make someone else happy and document it. Each photo must be taken and ted on a different day. On day one, you must a photo of what you have done on day one of the hunt to make someone else happy. For the item after this, you must on day two the image from day two, etc. This item and the 6 following items must be ted on the corresponding day of the hunt to garner the points from that day… for this item for Happiness DAY 1 (which must be ted on day 1 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy? (Each day you must do something different for a different person, and it cannot be your teammates.)

#133 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 2 (must be ted on day 2 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#134 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 3 (must be ted on day 3 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#135 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 4 (must be ted on day 4 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#136 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 5 (must be ted on day 5 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#137 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 6 (must be ted on day 6 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#138 21 POINTS Happiness DAY 7 (must be ted on day 7 of the hunt). What have you done today to make someone else happy?

#139 25 POINTS We’re writing an e-book and we want you to do our work for us. There’s a habit that was hard for you to change, but you changed it anyway. What is the habit, and what is your number one piece of advice for making that change? Please an image of one paragraph of text.

#140 97 POINTS A functioning vending machine that dispenses emotions and memories. Show a customer making a purchase.

#141 39 POINTS This submission can be 45 seconds or less. Our music can change the world. Be part of the Gishwhes choir! Record a video selfie of yourself singing “Carry on my Wayward Son” a capella in the key of C at 80 bpm. Your ted recording must have “Once” starting precisely at the 1 second mark. The recording must also be in tune and on beat. (The submissions will be collected and edited into monstrous chorus.) Sing only the following portion of the song: “Once I rose above the noise and confusion Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion I was soaring ever higher But I flew too high Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man Though my mind could think I still was a mad man I hear the voices when I’m dreaming I can hear them say… Carry on my wayward son There’ll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don’t you cry no more.”

#142 51 POINTS two images, side-by-side. Contribute to the gishwhes world forest. Plant a native tree in a place you are fairly certain the tree can live out its full life. before and after photos.

#143 29 POINTS As you may know, Rob Benedict & Richard Speight are currently in production on their new series, “Kings of Con”, where they play MC’s on the sci-fi convention circuit as the eponymous kings of conventions. What you may not know is that their agent messed up and booked King Kong and the Kings of Con to MC the same convention. Draw or paint these three giants of the con circuit trying to share the stage or green room. Either Rob or Rich should probably be the lithe damsel in distress.

#144 27 POINTS two images, side-by-side. They say you regress to your childhood as you get older. Show us a photo from a part your childhood you’d most like to return to, and a photo of your current progress toward that regression.

#145 18 POINTS You hate finishing other people’s sentences, so doesn’t it make you laugh so hard your squirt milk out of your nose when you…

#146 24 POINTS Be the town crier for the day and shout what you think people should know about the day’s events in a public square.

#147 31 POINTS As we all know Matt Cohen is legendary for taking off his shirt to raise money for charity. His 6-pack abs have single-abdominally raised thousands of dollars for great organizations like www.randomacts.org. Let’s thank his abs for their altruistic humanitarian work by using Photoshop to digitally remove his abs and then place them on a vacation around the world. (Unfortunately Matt can’t make this trip himself as he’s busy shooting his TV show.) His abs can visit anywhere on the planet that you can capture in an image. Let’s make sure they have the proper tourist accessories, too.

#148 57 POINTS Art changes lives. Contribute to the gishwhes art gallery by ting an image taken by you or of you that captures the notion of identity in the 21st century.

#149 43 POINTS Someone near you doesn’t have access to clean drinking water. Provide that person with the means to access clean water without purchasing bottled water (this might be by giving the person a filter, or a solar tea kettle, or something like that). If no one near you needs clean drinking water, we have something called the all-powerful Interwebs. You can buy a family clean drinking water for a year: http://lifestraw.eartheasy.com/products/lifestraw-carbon-credits. If no one lives near you and/or you don’t have funds to buy clean drinking water for someone, find another way to promote access to clean, safe water.

#150 43 POINTS Those moving sidewalks at the airport are treadmills, and you never exercise without your ipod, short shorts, a tank top and matching head and wristbands.

#151 17 POINTS Generate an application form for the job of “Director of Imagined Realities.”

#152 36 POINTS Write a poem in binary so that the zeros and ones also form a beautiful pattern.

#153 314 POINTS Secure a legitimate contract with any public or private space exploration company (Space X, NASA, etc) to send a payload into space containing a drawing and a message written on a single 8 ½” X 11” sheet of paper. The message must be addressed to the universe and must be written by a child. your signed and countersigned, legitimate contract by the end of the Hunt. THEN (and this is the only thing that you will be permitted to after the official end of the hunt on August 6th), you must evidence by email to gishpayload@gishwhes.com that your payload was successfully launched into orbit. Email proof must be received by 11:59 PM PST September 5th, 2016.

#154 93 POINTS You’re on the 2016 Summer Olympics Trash Scull Crew Team! Build your scull out of trash. Your team of 3 rowers is led by a coxswain who bangs two pieces of trash together to keep the time. Row for the gold!

#155 133 POINTS Get a 2016 candidate for high-ranking national office (or someone currently in office) to say that they think preserving the habitat of the endangered Slangaroo is a top legislative priority. In the US, this person would need to be either running for President, VP, Senate or the House, or someone currently in office in one of those positions. In other countries it could be a prime minister (or a current head of state) or members of Parliament, etc. They must be candidates or elected officials on the national stage.

#156 107 POINTS gishwhes transcends the space-time continuum, bringing old technology to life in modern times to create cutting edge graphics! To demonstrate gishwhes’s ability to bridge time, create a program to display an animation of a gishwhes mascot using a TRS-80, Apple II, Commodore PET, or Commodore 64. ( You may not use an emulator. You must use the actual hardware, and the video must show the graphics playing on the screen of the computer in question.)

#157 21 POINTS William Shatner opted out of the Hunt this year due to “scheduling conflicts” (which we all know is code for “trouble in bromance paradise”). Help Shatner realize the egregious mistake he made by skipping the 2016 hunt by sending him 3 photo postcards featuring highlights of this year’s Hunt experience with “Having a wonderful time! Gish you were here, Bill!” a photo of the 3 cards stamped and addressed to Bill. You can all ask him for his mailing address on twitter. He’d like that, I’m sure.

#158 86 POINTS If there’s one thing all of us over the age of 35 are nostalgic for it’s the rotary dial phone. We pine for that satisfaction of being able to insert our fingers in that hole and spin the dial. Help bring us back to those halcyon days: Make a smart-phone app that interfaces with a real, old-fashioned rotary phone. (Note: this must not be an app that renders a digital simulation of a rotary phone. It must be an app that somehow works in concert with an actual rotary phone.)

#159 56 POINTS Zachary Levi is one of a kind. But what would be better than Zachary Levi? A pair of Zachary Levis, naturally. Paint a portrait of Zachary Levi on a pair of jeans. (The jeans may be distressed, but the depiction of Zachary should not be.) Feel free to get Zachary to model the pants.

#160 84 POINTS http://gishwhes.tumblr.com/choosewisely

#161 127 POINTS Gishwhes is proud to premiere Amazon’s new shopping service, Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™ (ARSPNODF™)! Forget the old business model of customers buying things from online megastores and having to wait for almost a whole day for delivery. With this new service, customers can now ship merchandise to any Amazon senior executive directly through our patented Swift Drone Delivery Service™. With Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™, the Amazon executives can receive packages from customers conveniently just outside their own office buildings in under one hour. Get Jeff Bezos or any Amazon senior executive to send you a timestamped email ordering a small, lightweight, used item from your home to be delivered by ARSPNODF™. Using a drone as the delivery mechanism, deliver the item ordered to the executive (who must be waiting for their package outside their office building) office in less than one hour. the original order along with a timestamped photo of your happy customer with their item delivered by drone. Amazon Reverse Super Prime Now On Demand Fresh™. It’s so easy!

#162 69 POINTS Here is your item: https://www.dropbox.com/s/367yaonidvn5rqb/slfwxuhsxccoh.jpg?dl=0

#163 114 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 30 seconds or less. Set up a thin, flat, smooth, vertical surface that is at least 3’ high and 3’ wide, (it could be made from 1/8th inch plywood or a similar material that is very thin and very flat). Then, behind this thin, vertical surface, set up powerful electromagnets that spell a word or phrase (make sure to reverse or mirror the letters so that on the front side they are correctly positioned–this might make sense in a second). Then, take a mass of iron filings (a minimum of 1 cubic foot of filings) and pour them through a funnel that is positioned at least 20 inches horizontally in front of the vertical sheet so that when the filings fall through the funnel they are drawn to the magnets and adhere to the sheet. Film the time-lapse as the iron filings fall and cling to the vertical surface to gradually form the word or phrase that the magnets spell out. If that doesn’t make sense (and I know it doesn’t), here’s a little diagram for you: https://www.dropbox.com/s/bzfq2u32f4az9wy/diagram.jpg?dl=0

#164 17 POINTS We have Declared August 1st to be a new international holiday: It’s Retro Twitter Day. Retweet something you posted 4 years ago today with a comment. Hashtag it #RetroTwitterDay.

#165 42 POINTS Few things are more wayward than dancing with wild abandon in public. You know who’s super good at that? These guys: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elKgDE5gc9I Find them. Join them. Let them inspire your choreography and costuming. Bonus points for inducting innocent bystander or use of an obscure 80s alternative dance tune soundtrack. Dance like nobody’s watching. Except we all are -Kim Rhodes

#166 32 POINTS Being #WaywardAF sometimes means being #BadassAF. Take a picture of you doing something you have ALWAYS wanted to do but were afraid to try. Caption your photo with a short explanation and post it to Twitter tagging @OfficialBrianaB and @kimrhodes4real. – Briana Buckmaster and Kim Rhodes

#167 46 POINTS Justin Guarini can be a “Lil Sweet” at times: http://www.dietdrpepper.com/?gclid=Cj0KEQjwwry8BRDjsbjMpPSDvagBEiQA5oW0nCKHz838Mz7MBDeTb_x_W9puq-FTaSHe9wyyAv2TwHcaAjEq8P8HAQ Using nothing but forced perspective and a disproportionately large, “weird, unusual or scary” object that you wouldn’t want to be smaller than, make yourself look tiny.

#168 33 POINTS At Hope Chest they create butterflies and transform lives http://www.myhopechest.org/ Channeling your inner Monet, pen a message of hope with colored ink on a white bra. Then, channel your inner supermodel and stage a public photo shoot of someone wearing this “support undergarment.” (You may wear a shirt underneath it if you prefer and you must adhere to local laws. Please note that Gishwhes does not provide bail money.) Once completed, your image on the gishwhes website and also tweet to @MyHopeChest your awesome results on the final day of the game. Extra points for incorporating butterflies into the design. – Ruth Connell

#169 28 POINTS Time-lapse this submission to 20 seconds or less. Join The Hunt, and wear sensible shoes. Grab a friend and go for a walk. A really, really long walk. Unlock the 2.0KM, 5.0KM and 10.KM Poke Eggs and show us what you’ve hatched. Capture the journey in a 20 second time-lapse video and to Gishwhes. Extra Points if you photo grab your hatchlings and ping @OsricChau with a map of your travels. – Osric Chau

#170 45 POINTS Everyone knows Gishers throw the most badass recycling parties. Invite ten of your rockstar friends to help you collect litter from a park, roadside location, or public space. You must EACH collect 20lbs of debris, and dispose of it appropriately. Show us a 15 second montage of the festivities. (Extra points for recycling— and don’t forget, it’s a party!). – Lana Parrilla

#171 44 POINTS Time to prove you are the person Mr. Rogers knew you were capable of becoming. Ask an overwhelmed mom or elderly neighbor for a list of five chores they could use some help with. Show us that list and you getting them all checked off.

#172 41 POINTS Misha loves to travel, but between filming, gishing, and that thing we never talk about in front of polite company, he hasn’t had much time lately. Help Misha out by cosplaying as him in front of one of the 7 modern wonders of the world. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New7Wonders_of_the_World No photo manipulation — you have to really be there.

#173 42 POINTS You may have heard about a little show called Hamilton. Lin Manuel Miranda lit up Broadway with his innovative style, combining traditional theater and rap to engage delighted theater goers with the story of history’s hippest President. But that was just a big “win all the 2016 Tonys” ploy. We want to hear and see– in full costume a rap song about another historical figure important to you. Upload a 15 second video on the site AND send it to @Lin_Manuel.