#carving out a space for yourself is hard af yo

[itsmeevie01]

Older Gen Z here!

when i was little, my family lived back up against some woods - my brother and i spent our early years tromping through the backwoods of the Ozarks.

we didnt have a lot of range, but as long as we could hear mom yell for us, it was fine.

when we moved to the city, it was different. we had a block in on direction to play, and we spent most of our time screwing around on the access ramp to a river that had turned into a drainage ditch.

we both joined the cross country team at school (in 6th grad and kindergarten) so that we could get our energy out and not be causing trouble at home. i would like to point out that we didnt live in a 'burb. we live IN the city.

by the time i was in 8th grade i was allowed to go on runs in the morning, as long as i went before the main thoroughfare next to the house got too busy, i didnt cross into the county (the line was the "river") and i didnt go near the train depot a block away.

my brother and i really didnt do well in the city, we were too cooped up, and missed tromping in cow pastures and following deer trails.

the youngest (now 10) was born in the city right before we moved to Satan Armpit Florida. there were fire ants, sand spurs, and 100% humidity. yetch. i tried to run, and i was allowed to run as far as i was willing to run back. but it just...wasnt great. the baby of the family has never eaten dirt, never goes outside, and is scared of everything.

when i was in highschool, i kept forgetting that i had a cellphone, and would routinely forget to charge it or bring it with me. because of that, i generally forgot to answer any calls or texts i got.

we got life 360 - everyone is on it. everyone

my parents, my brother and i, and my grandparents

everyone

if i was out at 3 am, everyone knew

if i was somewhere i didnt say i was going, or i wasnt supposed to go, everyone knew

if i didnt answer my phone, the cavalry would go to my last known location

there was no way to do anything silly or crazy or dumb

when i was in high school, i did everything under the sun - student Gov, Show Choir, Theatre, Costume Designer, ran the morning announcements, mentorship club (as a mentor), vollyball, tennis, track, cross country, and worked part time

when i left for college (an hour down the road) I was in day classes, worked part time, and was taking night classes at massage school.

i knew the (very few) who had the "typical" college experience, but compared to my dad's stories (he's gen X) of drunken nights, hanging beds from the ceilings with chains, and vandalizing the university, I had an altogether mediocre experience in school

except for my roommate who stole my ADHD meds, bitched that I had more than black and white in my closet, and kept the ac at 90 in FLORIDA

but she wasnt that eventful - she moved out during fall break...i was too colorful for her

my 21st birthday was spent going out with my mother's women's group, where they tried to get me as drunk as possible (I have an incredible tolerance).

then my friend who shares a birthday with me took me out to one dance bar where we hung out for another hour - that's it!

that is the only time i have been able to afford to do more than brunch with maybe one or two drinks.

since then, its been back to the grind for years...

my dad was a latch-key kid. my mom was the perfect daughter who got away with everything because her parents didnt believe she would ever do anything wrong.

when my dad and i talk now, he always comes back to something along the lines of "kid, i am so proud of you. i see what young people do these days, and i dont think i would be able to do it"

every time he says that, it always hits me hard. 'cause fuck

all that to say...we never had the free range my parents had. we never truly had the third spaces my parents had. as we got older my (middle) brother and i have felt like the constraints are a noose tightening to the point where we have to physically uproot our lives and move hours away to have the space we need to grow, that we didnt have when we got younger.

is it safer? i dont know.

what i do know is that it definitely feels like i missed the quintessential adolescent times of Fucking around and Finding Out that teach you how to operate in the world around you.

i dont know. take that as you will

Maybe this is the wrong platform to pose this question given the average tumblr user but

Is it just me or did our generation (those of is who are currently 20-30 ish) just not get the opportunity to be young in the 'standard' sense?

Like, everyone I talk to who's over 40 has all their wild stories about their teens and 20s, being young and dumb, and then I talk to my friends and coworkers and classmates, and we just... dont.