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ccf rereads loso
i took a mental health day & rereading lightning only strikes once. it’s handled so fucking well & i fucking adore it.
so i’ll be posting my favorite bits/review/crying bc it’s my favorite thing.
//
chapter 1: well that was unexpected
- lexa waking up & calling out clarke’s name is just... everything
//
chapter 2: teenage hormones suck
Plus… she is Wanheda. She is the Commander of Death. And right now, she refuses to let it anywhere near her people. She refuses to try and follow a path that ends up littered with corpses. / The original timeline can go float itself.
clarke as a leader is captured so fucking well in this. her heart is the weakest & strongest part in her leadership according to how things work on the ground.
/
Clarke catches [Wells’] hand in her own and squeezes it for a second before letting go. “You didn’t do anything except try and take the blame,” she says just as quietly. “I know that now.” / His expression morphs quickly to surprise and then joy. A smile spreads across his face and she returns it gladly.m.
i can literally see this scene & it’s always strange when i remember this isn’t how the show ever played out. there’s so much care for the characters in this.
/
[Finn’s] death had made it impossible for Clarke to acknowledge what she could now admit: she hadn’t been in love with Finn, not like he’d loved (or thought he loved) her. And the murder of eighteen innocent people in her name had shocked her out of her infatuation brutally, leaving only the guilt of feeling responsibility for those deaths binding them together. The additional guilt of his death had compounded that. Her good memories of Finn are distant now. When she looks at him, she just sees a floppy-haired, immature boy, good-natured but filled with flaws, and not someone who could ever understand her now or ever challenge her like – well, like some other people could.
clarke’s evaluation of finn & her past feelings are so well described & logical for how much clarke has grown its beautiful & tragic to see how much wiser she is now.
/
If Clarke manages to keep everyone alive and avoid pissing off the Grounders, there’s a very real possibility she will be a stranger to Lexa forever.
sHE’S WILLING TO NEVER SEE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE AGAIN FOR HER FUCKING PEOPLE AND KEEP MORE PEOPLE ALIVE WTF I LOVE AND HATE THIS
/
- clarke is smart af (therefore so is fiona_249) to realize all the things, but specifically in this chapter that finn needs to keep his wrist monitor on to make sure raven comes down
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ccf rereads loso /11
i honestly was looking forward to this all day. home, smoke, loso! LEZGO!
//
chapter 20: choose your battles wisely
But, truth be told? Lexa is here because here is where Clarke is. Even if they took the radio to Polis, she would be so distracted by responsibilities she might have no time to spend with Clarke. Here, in TonDC, Indra and Anya are well able to manage things. So Lexa can lie with Clarke, and touch her, and speak to her, and right now with her help attempt to beat Wells in this confusing strategy game.
it’s like a clexa staycation & i live for those (relatively) quiet moments between the two
/
Raven is standing on the other side of Anya fiddling with several pieces of metal, oblivious to Anya’s annoyance about her closeness.
[internal squealing]
/
“This game is most confusing,” she says innocuously, and watches as he falls for her assumed air of innocence.
“I know,” Wells assures her, moving his queen to take the pawn without looking closely, too focused on reassurance to double-check his play. “It took me years to -”
“Checkmate,” Lexa says serenely, moving her own queen.
lol wells. you fell for that like when your dad didn’t have a clue lexa was being extra af & faking a limp in disguise
/
She looks at Clarke, who is glowing with pleasure at watching Lexa interact with her friends.
same, clarke. same.
/
It is likely she will have to start from the very beginning, teaching Clarke stances and how to distribute her weight. / Lexa hopes this will require a lot of hands-on instruction.
same but damn lexa is def taking advantage of this second chance thing
/
The Skaikru are… not impressive, to Lexa, in the beginning at least.
i laugh then imagine myself trying & remember my body hurts regularly & jesus id be such a mess.
/
With some added muscle, Clarke will be formidable indeed, and Lexa glows with pride at her accomplished lover. It is a shame the presence of others means she cannot express this pride as she would like to, but later in the tent set aside for Lexa she will come up with a reason to ‘confer’ extensively with the Skaikru leader.
y’all are thirsty af & octavia is prob rolling her eyes out of her head & scoffing
/
There is Clarke, there, right there, in reaching distance – Clarke who knows her as no one else ever has, who knows all of her and understands all of her as even Costia could not. (Because Costia lived in the light, but her death brought darkness to Lexa, which makes her wonder if Costia could have loved this version of the Commander as much as she loved the first one). Clarke who sees this, who knows it, who has been wounded by Lexa’s duty before, but nevertheless looks at her with that impossible warmth in her Skai eyes. A Skai girl, fallen from the stars for her.
fuck. me. up.
/
Clarke’s gaze is overly warm. Perhaps Lexa’s staring had been a little too admiring. Lexa clears her throat and attempts to sound normal (judging by Anya’s snort, she does not entirely succeed), and says, “Of course, Clarke. Come this way?”
between anya, raven, & octavia, it’d be close but i think anya would win for best clexa roast
perhaps??? you probably never looked softer ya dumb nerd.
/
They are barely inside before Clarke presses against her and kisses her thoroughly. “Thank you for the training,” she says, moving so that her arms are around Lexa, so that they are entwined perfectly, so that they are one being.
[By] Titus's standards, Lexa is weak. She knows this. But she is blessed, and knows this even more.
i am blessed by this fic. i can feel lexa’s fucking happiness & joy in seeing clarke again & falling in love with her again over & over & it’s incredible.
(also all the clexa sex. they deserve 47294472925 orgasms.)
//
chapter 21: a failure to communicate
- finn’s a fuckboy & i dont actively hate him in this but generally roll my eyes at his mediocre existence at this point
- so i love how dramatic lincoln & o’s call out is. but outting clexa to wells wasn’t cool. at the same time, i get why O is being so reactionary. poor wells “lost” his bro for being a fuckboy AND his best friend he loves in like a few days.
/
“You know?” Clarke says harshly. “What do you know? You know I saved Lincoln’s life by caring for him when you threw a knife into him. You know I made deals with the Grounders to keep us alive. You know I helped Raven when she fell from the Ark. What you know, is that I have done nothing but good for our people. Have I saved everyone? No. Have I done my best with what I know? Yes. So you can either shof op, or go float yourself, Octavia.”
this is justified. good clarke. you’re doing great bb. i would’ve def gotten everyone killed by now.
//
chapter 22: weakness is my strength
Wells walks across the square. He pauses to stare at Lexa for a long moment, unhappiness etched into his face, then turns with a shake of his head to stalk away.
Lexa frowns, and barely avoids a blow to her head.
“Sloppy,” Anya says calmly, though she also has registered the Skai boy’s brief expression. Lexa can tell by her furrowed brow.
like wells. i love you. but wellarke was never gonna happen bro.
also awwwww lexa & anya care about those skai goufas.
/
“Well done,” Anya gasps, reaching a hand to her head and wincing. “We may make a warrior of you yet, yongon,” she says jokingly. Anya’s sense of humour has always been mocking quips, and Lexa is well accustomed to her deadpan delivery of these.
i want a scene of raven being like “omg you’d be such a great comedian!” & anya is just like “???” & omg raven would make a podcast & you know jasper & monty would have a comedy hour or some shit. & anya would never admit to enjoying comedy but raven def catches her laughing at one point & NEVER LETS HER FORGET IT
/
- wells’ approval of clexa is what i needed
/
She moves to lean against Lexa, resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa smooths her hair back and kisses her head lightly, even this small affectionate touch making her heart speed up a little.
my heart eXPLODES
i want all the clexa tenderness bottled for me to consume on the daily
/
But then, her years as Commander have also taught her not to trust anyone. They have taught her to remove threats immediately, any threats. They have taught her love is weakness. All her instincts scream at her not to be here, not to have the warmth of Clarke at her side, not to allow the squeeze of emotion she feels whenever she sees Clarke.
[crying] sh-she just be-becomes so s-soft w-with c-clarke. s-so weak f-for her 😭
/
“And even if I had decided following that path was best, I do not think I could have waited for so many weeks to see you again.”
Clarke smiles, the worry in her face easing. “What happened to ‘it takes as long as it takes’?”
“Sometimes it takes too long,” Lexa says solemnly, though a smile betrays her. “Truly, Clarke, I did not feel as if I could breathe properly in this new world until I saw you again. And even then, even then it hurt to see you, for Finn was next to you and I did not know if I had lost you.”
“I’m the one who nearly lost you,” Clarke says fiercely, taking her hand so that their fingers are intertwined, clasped together in Clarke’s lap.
this entire conversation is stunning. it’s so earnest & honest & difficult & important. the showrunners would never even know where to begin writing something like this
/
“I’m glad you came for me so soon,” Clarke says softly, pulling away only an inch to say it. Lexa can feel Clarke’s breath against her. “Any longer would have been too long for me as well.”
“Ai hodnes, ai kwelnes,” Lexa whispers. “I could never stay away.”
“my love, my weakness”
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ccf rereads loso /6
chapter eleven: extreme u-hauling
i haven’t mentioned before but i should—i love the chapter titles
“Clarke, you’re back,” Monty gives her a genuine smile, nearly displacing the worry on his face for a split second. “With a lot of people.”
“Yeah,” Jasper says a little shakily. “A lot.” He stares at them worriedly but then forces his usual carefree grin. “Some of them are warrior women. Do you think they like nerds?”
Monty & Jasper would def say this when faced with an army of nonhostile grounders. another brief glimpse into character reactions i can see happening
/
“Goufas,” Clarke hears Anya hiss to Lexa.
“Shof op, Anya,” Lexa replies, not looking away from Clarke.
Clarke flushes at the hidden warmth of her stare, then turns to her side when someone grabs her arm. It’s Bellamy. “We need to talk,” he says to her in an undertone, and drags her into the drop ship, nearly bruising her arm. She manages to turn her head and give Lexa a reassuring look before they’re inside, and Lexa lets her hand slide off the hilt of her sword.
anya doesn’t outwardly roll her eyes but i bet she can tell lexa is smitten af & it’s weird & kinda gross & laughable if it weren’t for the dangers but also anya worries bc she remembers lexa after costia’s death & while she wishes brief moments of happiness for lexa she knows love is weakness for a commander
the looks between clarke & lexa are what i fucking miss so so much. i could watch two hours of them sharing looks like they did on horseback, lexa’s hint of a smile
also lol lexa reaching for her sword is so on point i laughed
/
“You’re an ass, Bellamy, but you don’t deserve what they’ll do to you.”
clarke is doing a great job of reminding everyone that the most barbaric place was the Ark. also that comment is to the point.
/
- making bellamy a teacher just reminds me of how much i hated then loved then hated bellamy again. his character could have been so much better.
/
“I guess if I let him go off alone he’ll just get in trouble.”
“Hey!” Bellamy says, giving her a half-smile in return. “I’m right here, O!”
Clarke lets herself slide down the wall to the floor, suddenly too tired to stand now that everything’s been dealt with.
She feels a smile tugging at her face, even as she smothers a huge yawn. This moment feels so nice, so warm. She has Lexa – Wells – Bellamy – Octavia – Jasper – Finn – Monty – all alive, all alive and happy, it’s too much. If she could just stay awake – keep her eyes open – hear more –
But her eyes slide shut and the siblings’ happy banter gradually fades away as sleep takes over.
this all just makes my heart smile.
//
chapter twelve: to see an old place with new eyes
All Clarke has seen in TonDC is violence: this is the first time she sees Indra’s village as it is. Just a village, a beautiful small village filled with Trikru going about their evening, teasing each other and swigging their drinks and training and flirting and enjoying themselves. Children run in the growing darkness, playing foolish games, sticks as swords. Their yells and giggles can be heard from far away.
It is wonderful, for Lexa to be able to see her world through Clarke’s eyes and for once find nothing to be ashamed of.
Lexa wonders if someday she will also get to see the best of Clarke’s world, the peaceful, friendly Ark that she sometimes suspects is a figment of Wanheda’s imagination.
this is so important. & p much. the peace clarke knew was from a privileged position. clarke knows that but yknow. cultural ignorance.
/
Lexa admires her Skai girl. So quick, so diplomatic, so wise. No wonder she had been able to match wits with Lexa, a seasoned Commander, after only weeks on the ground.
[wipes tears] so proud of my bbs
/
- indra’s quiet pride in lincoln is the sweetest thing
/
“Why, Commander, are you trying to get me drunk?” Clarke smiles, her lips only an inch from Lexa’s.
Lexa flushes. “Of course not, Clarke. That would be wrong. I do not encourage any of your people to drink to excess, given our day of walking tomorrow. I merely wish to give my gonas and your Skaikru a good night, allowing them to enjoy this new alliance…” She’s babbling, Lexa realises. She’s the Commander. She does not babble.
“Lexa,” Clarke says, pressing a soft kiss on the very corner of Lexa’s mouth. “Shof op, please.”
Clarke presses her lips more fully to Lexa’s, in a long, sweet kiss that utterly removes Lexa’s ability to talk, or indeed to think.
flirting ✅
“shut up & kiss me” ✅
heart explosions ✅
/
Clarke smiles, and kisses her again, then sighs and pulls away. “We shouldn’t stay here too long. It’s suspicious.”
“Yes,” Lexa pulls her in again and kisses her quickly, then steps back. “Come and see TonDC in peacetime, Clarke kom Skaikru. I think you will like it.”
hello, yes, i would like 38274 more quiet, secret kisses between, please.
also i love LOVE “we should stop” then kissing again moments
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ccf rereads loso /5
chapter nine: at the beginning with you
Lexa wonders what is wrong with her, what foolish maggot bored through her brain to make her forget that Clarke did not come to her alone and happy. Clarke first came to her broken and bleeding and tear-stained, broken by a love that ended in violence. It never occurred to her that by deliberately removing the violence from their interactions she would allow Clarke to be happy with her formerly deceased lover.
poor lexa bb nooooo she’s only got eyes for you love! i felt my heart break with lexa’s at this
/
Clarke is different, now. She still has her love. If Lexa still had Costia, would she love Clarke? Perhaps not. Costia was warmth and childish giggles and the burns of a sunny day and Lexa before she was Heda. Clarke was war rooms and harsh decisions and stark eyes and fleeting moments of beauty and closeness. One was the love of just Lexa, the other was loved by Lexa and Heda alike. Innocent loves are the hardest to discard.
shit like this just fucks. me. up.
/
Lexa watches as he leaves the room, and then returns her attention to Clarke. Clarke who is not her Clarke, Clarke who is. Clarke who does not remember, who is different. Does it matter? However different she may be with Finn here, she is Clarke, and that is all Lexa needs her to be.
[unintelligible sound of my heart exploding]
/
- clarke saying lexa’s name almost kills me every time
/
“Ha yu get ai nom in, Clarke Griffin?” she asks. How do you know my name, Clarke Griffin? She tacks Clarke’s whole name to the end of the sentence deliberately, watching for her reaction.
Clarke notices it, stiffens, appears to stop breathing for a second. She swallows hard and manages to speak again. “Ai mema yu nom in.” She says quietly. “Ai mema yu in.” I remember your name. I remember you.
then i die right here. jfc. it’s so SO good.
/
There is a moment of pure stillness, then she and Clarke are moving towards each other. Lexa folds Clarke’s body into her own, sinking her face into Clarke’s shoulder, breathing her in like air. Here is what she thought to never have again. The softness of Clarke against her. Lexa is shaking uncontrollably. Or maybe Clarke is. Or maybe they both are. It is impossible in this perfect moment to know where Lexa ends and Clarke begins, their soul is the same soul, their heartbeat a shared rhythm, their bodies intertwined, their choked uneven breaths a sobbed duet. They are matched, pressed together, the heat of Clarke warming Lexa to the core, melting the ice inside of her.
“You remember,” Clarke half-sobs into her shirt, pressing her face into Lexa’s shoulder, inhaling the scent of her and crying at the same time. “You remember me. You remember me. You remember me.” She chants it like a prayer.
😭❤️😭❤️
/
- lexa still worried that clarke now has finn again & their conversation about being haunted is just always stunning & moving to me. this fic & these two stupid assholes have ruined me.
//
chapter ten: get a room
Last time, Clarke and her people got all of the benefits of blood must not have blood, whereas Lexa – well, she paid the price for Clarke’s ideals. Blood must not have blood, but there was blood, Lexa’s blood. All over her hands. Her fault.
this idea of cultural dissonance is so well-explored & thought out. god this show could’ve been beautiful & amazing instead of the neocolonial nightmare it became.
/
“I am well aware of the value of Skaikru gratitude,” Lexa says, voice filled with sarcasm.
“Mockery is the product of a weak mind, Lexa,” Clarke snaps back.
i love it. i love these two. theyre best together & i miss them.
/
“You think the best of your people, Clarke, I know that. But the scheme you describe will not work. Your people would fear the warriors sent to help you, see them as captors instead of carers. Your people falling from the sky would not be grateful for the land – they would view it as their right. They see the Earth as theirs and my people as savages.”
truuuuuth
/
- merging the delinquents into polis is honestly fucking brilliant & i wanted this & live for this in my headcanons
/
“If we succeed, you will have many years to become close to them again. And you can return to them, and to the boy you love, after we have dealt with all of this,” Lexa offers. “I know it may take time, but they should be safe in Polis.”
omg lexa you dramatic hoe
/
They lean in towards each other. Clarke’s breathing quickens and she raises one hand to cup the back of Lexa’s head, marvelling at the silkiness of her hair, as her other hand finds a natural spot to rest on the curve of Lexa’s hip. Lexa responds by placing a hand at the small of her back, and another at the back of her neck, lightly stroking the skin there until Clarke shivers. Lexa’s eyes flick down to her lips for a millisecond before they crash together, the warmth becoming wildfire.
[scream squealing & sobbing]
/
The absurdity is compounded when Anya enters to find them flushed and at opposite ends of the tent, Clarke fiddling with her sleeve, Lexa’s attention deliberately on her knife as she toys with it instead of the girl across from her.
This is clearly karma for Clarke being so critical of the others’ teenage hormones. She sneaks a guilty glance at Lexa and Anya looks between the two of them, visibly confused.
[cackling like a delirious lesbian idiot]
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ccf rereads loso /2
chapter 3: you and whose army
Her greeting to Gustus is perhaps more enthusiastic than she would normally be, and she speaks to him more often as they go through the day’s appointments than she usually would, but otherwise it’s very easy to get back into the normal rhythm of her peace-time life.
soft lexa coming out to shine & her sparring with gustus for cheering natblidas is tOO MUCH FOR ME
/
It is heartbreaking to her, to know that although she has Gustus back, he will never really be her Gustus again. She will never be able to trust him as she once did. Like Titus, she can trust him with her life. But she cannot trust him with Clarke’s. / She has discovered that someone who would do absolutely anything for you out of love is almost more dangerous than an outright enemy.
duuuuude. just. i love this shit.
/
- clarke like “maybe i should save lexa by never meeting her again” at the same time lexa’s like “wHERES MY ARMY LEZGO!” bitch is getting hundreds to march just to be like sup girl let’s make peace (& maybe love later)
//
chapter four: playing with knives
She’s fairly sure she became Octavia’s confidante today due to the lack of other people.
i forgot until this chapter how annoying octavia probably was initially, esp since clarke is encouraging o’s independence despite bellamy being sheltering
/
What does matter is that Octavia is here with her, wanting to talk to her and spend time with her, even if it’s annoying. That Raven will be here soon and there won’t be any Finn between them to taint their friendship. That’s what matters.
[whimpering] my bbs
/
After a short pause, Octavia tightens her loose grip on knife. She passes it from one hand to the other. Her soft face hardens, eyes narrowing, growing intent and purposeful. / Now she looks like Clarke’s Octavia. Less butterflies, more blades.
less butterflies, more blades ❤️❤️❤️
/
What if she never sees Lexa fight again? What if she never sees Lexa again? / No. Even if it works out, even if she saves everyone and the Ark's higher-ups are the ones to deal with Lexa once they come down, Clarke will bullshit her way into at least one meeting. She will stand there and she will let her gaze trace Lexa's face, tangle in her hair, become lost in her fierce eyes. She'll see Lexa alive and flushed and proud and perfect. Clarke promises herself this one indulgence, after all of the effort and sacrifice she's put in for her people and will put in again: she will see Lexa one more time. Breathing. Beautiful.
iM CRYING
/
- octavia throwing a knife & accidentally stabbing lincoln is p much the only other way i can imagine them meeting & it’s perfect. then clarke almost giving herself away by using trikru medicine is just my fave.
/
“He’s a Grounder. Shit, Clarke, he’s a Grounder!” Octavia is dazed. She peers at his face. “He looks just like us. I mean, except hotter.”
octavia, octavia you fucking dweeb
/
“Not really the time to check things out, Clarke,” Octavia huffs as Clarke opens the bunker. “I mean, it’s cool and all, but we can have a look later. Not now.” She glances meaningfully at Lincoln. Blood is starting to seep through his bandages again – they really should not be moving him. Even less should they do what Clarke’s about to do.
Agonised screams slice through the air. The deer from earlier races through in absolute terror, foaming at the mouth in fright. Acid fog begins to appear at the edge of the trees. Octavia gasps, eyes widening.
“Or now,” Clarke says frantically. She rolls Lincoln over, says “sorry” with feeling, and pushes him down the hole.
Recommended treatment for stab wounds rarely involves a sheer drop.
wHY DOES THIS MAKE ME LAUGH
/
anyway clarke, O, & lincoln bonding in a bunker. well, lincoln is kinda unconscious BUT ONWARD!
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ccf rereads loso /10
chapter 18: pawn promotion
The more she tells Wells about the Mountain and their crimes, the more he is likely to tell his nontu. She needs the Ark to fear the Mountain as her people do. The theft of the bodies will help, but she needs them to fall in with any battle plans or deals she and Clarke might make, so the more she can do here, the better.
again the strategy of clarke & lexa to execute this all is amazing
/
- wells & lexa playing chess is everything i want it to be.
/
“What are the horses? They cannot be actual horses, horses cannot jump over the ground like that. Trees and broken terrain stop horses, more even than usual gonas.”
grounded & arker learning curves gives me life.
/
She cannot care for them as Clarke does. But she can understand why Clarke cares. Perhaps that is enough.
And in this new world, they will be her people as well, if all goes as planned. So perhaps she is allowed to like them.
Lexa moves her knight again, and looks expectantly at Wells.
lexa growing close to skaikru warms the soul
//
chapter nineteen: i’d like to phone a friend
It’s bittersweet and strange to see Raven and Finn’s reunion. Raven runs into his arms, beaming at him like he hung the stars, and they kiss. They whirl around in circles, locked together. Always moving in unison, like it’s a dance they’ve done a hundred times. Clarke feels like she should just be happy for them, but there’s an echo of the last time she saw this – she can remember the hurt, the anger, the heartbreak of realising just who Raven was. Realising she’d been lied to, and made an accomplice in hurting someone else.
And part of her thinks: doesn’t Raven deserve better than Finn, as well? Better than the cheater, the murderer?
yes 👏 she 👏 does 👏
/
Clarke’s just gotten down from her horse – cautiously, those things are huge – when Lexa, Wells, Monty, Jasper, Anya and Indra arrive.
i can perfectly see this small aside, the thought obviously crossing clarke’s mind as low key awkwardly gets off the horse
/
“And I’m here as the radio operator,” Raven says cheerfully, breaking away from Finn. She grins. “All the way from the Ark, baby. Free fall.”
“Awesome,” Jasper says eagerly.
“We did that too,” Monty points out.
“Not by choice,” Jasper replies. “By choice would take serious – wait, it was by choice, right?”
“Not only by choice, but against all rules, regulations and common sense,” Raven says. “Clarke’s mom had me fix up an old escape pod and come down. She didn’t believe it when your vital signs all flatlined.”
cocky nerd rebel raven is my type.
/
“Thelonius is a stupid name,” Jasper says in an undertone to Monty.
“I know, right?” Octavia says, and they all grin at each other. “Always thought so.”
Clarke glares them into silence. “Right. Okay. The first thing I need you guys to do is arrest Diana and Shumway.”
that side commentary & clarke taking care of business are fantastic
/
She’d forgotten how much reason all of them had to dislike Jaha – in the original world fear of the Grounders had caused the 100 to view the Ark coming down as protection from a greater threat. In this new world, the Grounders have already become their providers, their allies. If not their friends, than at least not a direct threat. Which means that, to them, Jaha is more of an enemy.
that’s what i’m sayin. a mutual hatred for jaha would’ve been enough to unite the clans & skaikru.
/
Clarke blinks, and realises she hasn’t filled them in on anything at all. “Oh, right. Well, we have to let the locals know when millions of tonnes of red-hot metal are going to slam into their land, and thousands of strangers are going to pour out.”
“The… the locals?” Jaha says. “What locals?”
“They’re called the Trikru, Chancellor,” Clarke replies. “And it’s a very long story.”
the satisfaction i get out of clarke calling shots is off the charts
#thats it for tonight#more tomorrow or the day after#ccf rereads loso#fic: lightning only strikes once#fic: loso
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ccf rereads loso /9
chapter 16: reassigned to antarctica
I have been informed that you are getting very… close, with the leader of the Sky People.”
“I was not aware my guards were such gossips,” Lexa says coolly. “Or that you would lower yourself to seek out such rumours.”
oooo buurrrrn but also lol you know someone was like “clarke kom skaikru is a catch” & someone else was like “sounds like heda took her to the stars & back again”
/
Even more, they would be fools to do it while she commands a large gonakru nearby. If she were them, she would wonder: if we depose Lexa, will she return and take back her position by force?
She wouldn’t. If she does not rule by the will of her people, she is no ruler. If she kills her people for her own status, then she is no peacekeeper. Her dark blood, her unquiet dreams, her unbranded back, they all tell the unchangeable truth – she is Heda. Whatever happens, she lives for her people. Lexa will not choose herself over the lives of those in Polis. But the ambassadors do not know this.
the world doesn’t deserve lexa.
/
“Why me, Heda?” She can hear the hurt in his voice that he can only barely cover.
Perhaps she should be like Titus, and view this as weakness. Instead it warms her. Her Gustus and his open affection for her. “Because I trust you to defend me,” she says. It is the truth. “More than anyone else, I know you would never let harm come to me.” She hopes he hears what she cannot say. That unlike many others, she knows Gustus doesn’t fight and die for the coalition, or the Commander, or the Trikru. He holds Lexa herself in his heart. He would take poison for the chance of making her safer. What makes him a danger to Clarke and the Skaikru, makes him the ideal person to send North.
can you believe we only got a few scenes of gustus & can read this & see it & feel it’s perfection? it’s more in character than whatever was written for him in the actual show. i wish we could’ve seen more of gustus.
/
Lexa swallows. I killed you, she wants to tell him. I failed you. But she cannot. Instead, she says, “You never have, and I know you will not this time. Be careful, Gustus. I do not trust Nia, and I do not trust Titus. But I trust you. So do not die. That is an order from your Heda.”
//
chapter 17: cold calling
Octavia’s glare continues to burn into the back of Clarke’s neck as they ride – ineptly – towards TonDC. After a while of this, she gives the quiet Lexa a regretful look and drops back to ride next to Octavia instead. It’s time they talked, even if she’d rather continue admiring the way the light makes shadows out of Lexa’s ridiculously long and curly eyelashes.
“Okay, out with it,” Clarke says softly.
“Out with what?”
“Whatever you’re trying to send me by really angry telepathy,” Clarke gives Octavia an unimpressed look.
i would give anything for this scene. is it in the clexa comic? i want this. like the scoff octavia must make whenever she sees clexa share a look or longing.
/
Lexa’s stopped ahead of them. Several of the horses are moving restlessly, unnerved, as a star falls from the sky, blazing down just like the drop ship must have. It’s almost beautiful.
heeeeeere’a RAVEN! 💫🚀💥
(lookin at you anya 😉)
/
Raven’s eyes open and focus on Clarke’s face. For a second, it looks like there’s recognition in her eyes, and Clarke’s heart leaps with a foolish hope. Maybe Raven remembers –
“I made it?” Raven says, voice dazed. It’s not a look of recognition. She’s just trying to see through her concussion.
aw raven bb welcome back. also imagine raven did remember? if she came back & just started punching ppl i’d just be like “ok fair”
/
“Hey, how do I work this?” Clarke says, plunking the radio next to her. “I’m really sorry to spoil the moment for you, but I don’t want anyone up there to die.”
“Right,” Raven says, forcing herself into a sitting position. She grins at Clarke. “Clarke, right? Your mom sent me. Bossy, aren’t you?”
“You have no idea,” Octavia says fervently.
reading fics reminds me of all the nuances of relationships i never got to see on the show. i wanted them all to be closer & gentler with that closeness that lets them be assholes to each other like this. they had moments after all the trauma but still. i want this forever.
/
“Ai gud hit yu op, Raven kom Skaikru,” Lincoln says, bowing his head slightly then meeting her eyes. He’s looking at her slightly too intensely, Clarke notes, searching for something – understanding. It’s a test, to see if other Sky People can speak Trigedasleng. She curses herself for showing her fluency with him.
Raven looks at him blankly. “He said it’s good to meet you,” Clarke says, shooting Lincoln a look telling him to stop now. “I think,” she adds, to try and make it less obvious that she’s once again showing too much knowledge for the time she’s been here.
“Oh,” Raven says weakly. She returns to the radio. “Good to meet you too, big guy. So, uh, you guys been making friends with the locals?”
i love raven. i love her & she’s perfect.
/
“Hey, Chancellor,” Clarke says. “The weather is just lovely down here. Are you guys planning to join us any time soon?”
“You’re alive?”
“Nearly all of us,” Clarke says. “Three are missing. Wells is alive, though. So how about you start planning your re-entry, and let my mother out of her cell.”
cocky clarke is sexy af. i love it.
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ccf rereads loso /8
my roommate & his gf went to bed & i was about to put on music to not hear them banging but instead i’m currently listening to him sing in his bob dylan voice & her laughing & shouting “NOOOOOOO!” dramatically & it’s cute af. but bc i have no self-restraint ONWARD!
/
chapter fifteen: like one of your french girls
oh yeah. it’s that chapterrrr...
/
Clarke found it difficult to relax after that too. She takes several steps into Lexa’s room and repeats, “Thank you.” She holds up the sketch pad and pencils that only Lexa could have left in her room. “Thank you for remembering.”
uggghhh i’ll never get over lexa getting clarke art stuff in fics. it’s a must for a good fic p much.
/
“I came to say you’re right. I do expect more of your people than I do of my own. But you need to understand, that’s not because I think less of your people. It’s the opposite. It’s because I think more of you.”
[...]
“I should be the one saying thank you, after all you’ve done,” Clarke continues softly. “And I’m sorry. I should be saying that too. I’m really sorry. We do need to use the same punishments for my people and yours, otherwise things will go south quickly, I get that. It was a gut reaction and I was being a hypocrite. I hope someday we can make the punishments we use for our people less severe. Maybe peacetime – making a strong, lasting peace – will let us do that eventually. But right now, Murphy spending a couple of days in a pit isn’t the end of the world.” She smiles at Lexa. “If nothing else, at least it’ll be quieter.”
Now Lexa manages a slight smile, which warms Clarke’s heart. Lexa smiles so infrequently that each one she gets to see feels like a gift. “I too am sorry, Clarke. I should have consulted you before I gave the order. I simply did not wish to do that in front of Titus.”
so. important. apologies & forgiveness. also a lexa smile ❤️
/
“I understand that,” Clarke says. Lexa is still smiling, leaning forward, the many candles burning in the room warming the air and giving a glow to her face. “That was… totally understandable.” Great, now she sounds like a moron. But how can she think straight when Lexa is smiling at her like that?
smitten clexa 🥰 when wlw are stupidly in love & turned on
/
Lexa considers this. “That is fine,” she says. Her smile returns, sweet and hopeful, a smile that says Lexa far more than Heda.
[...]
She does manage to get Lexa’s smile, though, which stays on her face as she studies Clarke.
😍 i love her smiles & i wanted so many more & clarke wants to stare at her & draw her & jfc it’s perfect
/
“Can you do a picture of yourself for me?” Lexa asks eventually. “I would like a picture of you.” The request feels like a fist squeezing Clarke’s heart. It’s so… so Lexa. Her Lexa.
“I can’t draw myself well,” Clarke admits. “I’ve tried before, it never comes out looking quite like me. Maybe because I have to draw it from a reflection, so it’s back to front. Lincoln can draw, I suppose we could ask him.”
“Perhaps I shall,” Lexa says, smile broadening slightly. “His confusion would be very amusing. He is no doubt already wondering why I troubled to ask both Anya and Indra specifically about him. That confused them, as well.”
lexa carrying a portrait of clarke... my heart is so big rn
also lincoln’s face at that request would be gold
/
“Yes,” Lexa says. “Yes, exactly. It is difficult, knowing what might happen, knowing how much we have to lose.” She meets Clarke’s eyes.
There is such tangible emotion in them that Clarke nearly forgets that she’s drawing. She drops the pencil. “Lexa,” she says, and it’s a breath more than a word.
“Clarke,” Lexa says solemnly, her eyes still filled with so much love that it makes Clarke weak. But not simple, childish love – love tangled with loss and certainty and friendship and fear and sacrifice. Love that has weathered betrayal, grief, violence, divided loyalties. Love so strong that Clarke half-believes that it’s the reason they could rip through time itself. “You make it much less difficult. Thank you for being here with me.”
Clarke doesn’t know if she means being the only other person to remember, or if she means in Lexa’s room specifically. It doesn’t really matter. She takes several steps forward and pulls Lexa up so that their lips can meet.
[goes to a corner to scream cry]
/
They have hours, hell, they may have days, weeks, even months. They might have forever. They should take it slow, softly, nicely, they should spend the time that they couldn’t afford the first time they were together, but right now Clarke couldn’t care less. Sometime she will touch every inch of Lexa’s body, she will kiss every scar and tattoo, she will build her up so slowly that it’s like a rising symphony. Let them take it slow later or tomorrow or next week, right now she needs Lexa, she needs Lexa immediately, needs her naked and writhing, needs her flushed and sweaty, needs her smooth addictive skin pressed against Clarke’s. Needs her. Her own desperation for this nearly frightens Clarke.
this is honestly some of the most breathtakingly passionate erotic shit ever. i adore it.
/
The second time, the second chance she never thought she’d get.
just kill me
/
“That was amazing,” Clarke manages to say breathlessly after a while. “Lexa.”
“Clarke,” Lexa mimics, and kisses her. The kiss is long, open-mouthed, filled with the taste of them and what they’ve just done, and Lexa is beautiful and smiling and relaxed below her, all that strength and control uncoiled into happiness, and Clarke wants her again.
So this time, they do it slow.
yeeeeeessssss get it get it get it
/
“Oh, I know,” Octavia says, and her glare nails Clarke to the wall. “Her room was one of the first places I checked. I didn’t knock, though, because I could hear from the corridor that you really didn’t want to be disturbed. So then I waited here to talk to you about that.”
$10 clarke is loud in bed
oops sorry O but also don’t worry. they’re meant to be & ultimately are trying to keep a lot of ppl from dying.
/
this was a long one so i’m gonna post just this chapter. also my roommate & gf just sang in bob dylan voices together & it was still cute af.
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ccf rereads loso /7
chapter thirteen: the adopt-a-skaikru program
Some of the older Sekons joined in Monty and Jasper’s impromptu drinking game. A group of gonas started teaching some of the 100 the words for a dirty song in Trigedasleng. A Skaikru girl started flirting with one of the TonDC youths who was part of the wrestling competition going on and their groups of friends began talking. It was a look at how the world could be this time, hopefully. It was just… nice.
i LIVE for drunk arkers & grounders at a bonfire. LIVE FOR IT! it’s just beautiful.
/
Lexa simply orders her gonas to shof op when they complain: Clarke doesn’t have that option. So she’s spent the whole day helping to settle minor quarrels and mentally cursing everyone for speaking too loudly.
hungover clexa shouldn’t be this damn endearing. like since heda never shows weakness, peacetime post-loso hungover lexa must’ve been so dramatic & extra in front of clarke. “go on without me! leave me” / “lexa, im gonna get you water & if you have to puke there’s a bowl next to the bed.”
(it would’ve been with azgeda villages bc their fayowada would be strong bc they drink regularly in the cold climate & they kept offering her more & more in appreciation of her generosity & how she’s helped them survive in comfort, and wanting to be courteous lexa couldn’t say no & that’s how lexa got fucking hammered so much so clarke laughed & put lexa to bed & just loved seeing lexa be something like the young person she is)
/
Once they’re in Polis Lexa steers her into her old ambassador room, and tucks her into the bed in a way that’s not at all Commander-like. “Sleep, Clarke,” she murmurs in her soft voice. “Get some rest.”
the softest fucking lexa. tucking sleepy clarke into bed. i just can’t.
/
She tries to get out of bed but instead just manages to roll onto the floor (well done, Clarke) and calls out “Come in” anyway because she knows it’s Lexa and she doesn’t have to be too dignified with Lexa.
It’s not Lexa.
Gustus bows his head for a second, then raises it again and looks at her in a way that’s not at all as docile as the gesture of respect made him seem. “Good morning, Clarke kom Skaikru.”
😂 clarke is just a beautiful, graceful sky princess
/
Lexa moves into view. She looks far more awake than Clarke as well.
Clarke wonders if it’s being a Nightblood, or being used to very little sleep after years of being the Commander, or if it’s just one of Lexa’s personality traits. Then, when Lexa gives her a slightly-too-amused look at her dishevelled appearance, she stops wondering and just focuses on glaring at Lexa.
why is this the sexiest cutest thing????
/
She’s not sure who she could sell the idea of being a sanitation worker or something to (though the thought of forcing Murphy to do it is kind of enjoyable. And since his nose is still broken, the smell wouldn’t bother him).
i forgot to mention i loved clarke kicking murphy’s ass: i loved clarke kicking murphy’s ass.
/
When I die, the Commander spirit will pass on,” Lexa answers her. “It will choose one of the Natblidas, as it once chose me. One will be the new Heda.”
“Which won’t be for a very long time,” Clarke says, a little too harshly, and makes herself calm down. She forces a smile. “I need your spirit right where it is.”
Lexa’s amusement shows in her eyes. “After all, I may be heartless, but at least I’m smart?” You can tell from her voice she’s quoting.
Octavia’s looking at them oddly. Clarke coughs and looks away from Lexa. “Something like that.”
you smitten idiots. octavia is observant af. also quoting past shit in a sweet way is my favorite thing. also generally a sucker for distinct canon quotes appearing in fics.
/
“Well that was weird,” Octavia says, as soon as Lexa’s gone.
see? O suspects. also is a hilariously annoying assistant & i love it
//
chapter fourteen: polis brutality
Lexa knows there will never be a day they owe nothing more to their people – this is a beautiful fiction. However, there will be minutes, hours, even days she can steal for herself. She would not have stolen so much time from her duties in the previous world, but when she lay dying there she did not think of her people. She thought of Clarke.
hahahahahahaha fUCK ME UP SMORE JFC
/
But now the Trikru see them as children, barely capable, and this means the strangeness of their ways is seen as funny instead of something to be feared.
And the Skaikru seem to be dealing well too – Lexa has waited outside for most of the checks, but has still seen a boy named Miller scowling in concentration as he learns how to perform a basic punch. She has seen a girl named Monroe kneading bread like it personally offends her. She has seen a girl named Harper examining a basic hunting bow as if it is something rare, a boy named Jones sharpening a blade like it's something precious. They seem to desperately want to learn, to be useful, to contribute. This is not a view she has had of the Sky People before.
crying bc this is everything i wanted for the delinquents & it’s beautiful
/
- bellamy teaching seven-yr-olds english is the gentlest thing & wonderful in contrast to the monster the show made him.
/
Lexa nearly jumps when she feels Clarke’s hand clasp hers. Octavia is watching Bellamy, and the guards look outward, but she still did not expect Clarke to show affection in public. As always, Clarke's touch burns her a little, makes her overly warm, makes her lighter. “Look at this,” Clarke whispers in her ear, sounding so happy that it nearly makes Lexa smile as well. “We did something good. Whatever else happens, this is something good.”
omg this just makes me think of them as parents. so so proud. but also awwww hand-holding is just perfect. i want all the clexa touches!
/
“But there will not be blood,” Lexa interrupts. She dislikes fighting with Clarke, but she cannot back down on this one. “If punishments for crimes are to be lessened, it must be decided on for all people, and announced so that they know. I cannot just begin handing out lighter punishments to your friends.”
“Hardly her friend, she broke his nose the other day,” mutters Octavia, and Lexa feels a swell of pride in her fierce Clarke.
lexa’s right. the punishment is harsh but for polis to not see her bend to skaikru is important.
lol same, lexa.
/
“So your people do not punish this harshly for theft?” Lexa asks, honestly curious.
There’s an awkward pause. Octavia coughs and looks to the side. It is all the answer Lexa needs. Clarke hesitates, looking faintly guilty, then opens her mouth, no doubt to begin explaining that whatever the Ark does, they should be striving to be better down here.
At this moment, Lexa is in no mood for it. She has been doing nothing but striving for better in the past week, and this has involved cutting out and sidelining her own people, people she cares for. In fact, it has also involved giving unearned trust to people she knows to be dangerous, simply because Clarke cares for them. “I see,” she says, voice arctic. “Like always, you expect more of my people than you do of your own.”
She turns and leaves. Before she closes the door behind her, she hears Octavia say, “What does she mean, like always?”
while i don’t like them fighting, this is hugely important. god this conversation should have happened in the show. it’s important not just to suture the divide between arkers & grounders, but clexa as leaders. jfc this fic is just so impressive & why i’m rereading it.
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ccf rereads loso /4
chapter seven: who’s the boss
summary: lexa is deeply unimpressed
*cackling wildly*
/
“What?” Anya blinks. Lexa has managed, for once, to surprise her. “They are invaders, Lexa, trying to take our land as if we have not earned it with the blood of our nomons and nontus, and our nomons’ nomons and nontus’ nontus. We have braved the Maunon and the pauna and the lions and the Azgeda… surely you do not intend to give this land to those who flew carelessly in the skai while we faced the Earth.”
i mean.... she’s not wrong?
/
It takes several hours for Anya to return. Lexa spends the time pacing in the tent they have set up for her. Foolishly, she locates the knife she had the first time she met Clarke, so she can play with it. She does her warpaint even though she does not need to, has her hair carefully rebraided. She has a chair constructed.
None of the warriors with her have travelled with her before in such close quarters as Gustus has, so they do not find her pickiness to be noteworthy. Gustus would have been confused by it, knowing that she only demands such signs of status during wartime. He would not understand that a small, shallow part of her needs everything to be the same as her first meeting with Clarke.
EXTRA™
/
She wants Clarke to look at her the same way, with the wary respect of one leader greeting another. But she also wants to know that someday that look will turn to warmth. Lexa aches for what they were, what they nearly had. Having Gustus and Anya back fills holes she did not know she still felt, but the loss of her greatest weakness makes her feel weaker than her affection ever did.
my hEART
/
He is merely a boy who fell to the ground. A strong personality, but not a strong spirit – one who can maintain control by force of charisma, but cannot continue that control when a harsh choice is placed before him. Someone incapable of real decisions. He is just a boy, a boy who is overawed and managed by the strongest will around him, and thinking of him as that it is hard either to respect or dislike him.
most concise yet nuanced character analysis of bellamy. it’s so on point & i respect the author so much for it.
//
chapter eight: the weakest link (or not)
They have no time. So Clarke does something very stupid. “Beja, Lincoln,” she says, lowering her voice until it’s only a whisper. There’s no way anyone above can hear it, but Lincoln can. “Ai liek Heda kom Skaikru. Bellamy no liek Heda. Ai gaf chich op Anya in.”
i live for this kind of stupid.
/
Clarke feels lost because somehow in less than a week they’ve created a dialogue that she’s not part of at all. Because she is a hundred years older than them mentally speaking, and they are children playing games. It’s harder to banter when she knows what’s coming. She isn’t the same as Wells anymore, and somehow he’s sensed this and moved on. She can’t bond with Finn anymore out of fear, and he doesn’t care at all. They are gaping wounds to her but they don’t recognise the loss.
this breaks my heart. this loneliness that clarke feels & knows only lexa has also felt.
/
Lexa is in Polis, telling people love is a weakness and missing Costia with all her heart.
i’m NOT CRYING
/
- clarke & lexa’s initial meeting is EVERYTHING esp And then it is just Clarke and the lover she watched die, staring at each other for an eternal moment.
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ccf rereads loso /3
chapter five: my motives are classified
“Heda,” Indra greets her, respect in every inch of her posture and every intonation of her words. Unlike Titus, who contrasts his religious fervour for the Commander spirit with an arrogant certainty he is still wiser than her, Gustus, who sometimes has trouble seeing beyond his fatherly fondness for his charge, or even Anya, who remembers watching her Sekon grow from mischievous child into ruthless leader, Indra has never treated Lexa as anything but the Commander. To Indra, her words are gospel and her suggestions are orders.
fiona’s characterizations are so fucking spot on. also lexa’s overcomplimenting is hilarious to see its effect on the others. i LIVE FOR IT
/
- indra & lincoln are trikru fam & this fic gives them the respect & love they should’ve had on the show
- soft commander brings out the softness in indra & it warms my cold brittle heart.
//
chapter six: muscle memory
“No, it’s fine!” Octavia says, a little too quickly, just as Clarke had known she would. The mysterious connection between Octavia and Lincoln had been as instant as it was in the original world.
❤️❤️❤️ i need everyone to understand i adore these two dumdums
/
Which means she needs to get someone to take her to Anya. Fortunately, she’s already met someone who knows exactly where Anya is. / Unfortunately, Octavia just stabbed him.
😂 whoops. but also lol anya kidnapped bellamy omg anya bb you got yourself a moron & lexa is gonna just be like goddamnit......
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ccf rereads loso /14
chapter 27: expert advice
- is originally quoted more but tumblr just quit on me so a summary:
RANYA RANYA RANYA GIVE IT TO ME
brotp: princess mechanic
/
“Anya told me there’s piles of mechanical crap there in the old buildings so I should really like it. She also called me a metal-brained, scavenging branwada. I really think she’s warming up to me, by the way.”
RANYA RANYA RANYA
/
“Not that I can blame you. The Commander’s been pretty awesome to us. Plus, swords. Come on, we all get a little warm when it comes to badasses with swords.”
dO YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAS A SWORD RAVEN????????
not finn
/
“Raven, all I’m saying is that him saving your life when you’re children doesn’t absolve him of treating you badly when you’re adults.”
Raven freezes. “Saving my life?” she says carefully. “How’d you know about that?”
“Wells,” Clarke lies, calling herself ten kinds of idiot in her head. It’s so hard to remember what she should know and what she shouldn’t. “He said Finn gave you rations when you were kids, that you’re basically family.”
good save, clarke you branwada
/
“It’s working. You actually did it. You made a radio out of scraps.”
Raven gives her a smug grin, clearly trying to banish her moment of weakness. “What, like it’s hard?”
team happy raven
(ultimately that means team ranya)
//
chapter 28: seken chances
“I don’t believe in sacrificing people,” Octavia says quietly, but she's already looking more thoughtful.
“You mean you have never had to,” Lexa says simply.
O & Lexa having difficult talks is beautiful. again it’s such an important look into how lexa must lead
/
Lexa is haunted by so many things that it is surprising death can still hurt her. But it is two sides of a coin – death can pain her, but life can amaze her, and when she tried to stop caring she cut herself off from the beauty of living as well as the pain of it. And she will not do that again, not when Clarke is here now to make life that much more beautiful.
/
Octavia takes a step back. “Bell would never do anything to hurt me.”
“But he would do anything to protect you,” Lexa says. “And like you, Octavia, he has trouble seeing shades of grey.” She meets Octavia’s eyes. “I have found that someone who would do absolutely anything for you out of love can be more dangerous than an outright enemy. There is a reason why he teaches in Polis now, instead of learn[ing] to fight.”
real. talk.
/
All I am saying is that you have not known Clarke kom Skaikru long. I am not Titus. I do not believe that what you felt for Costia made you weak, and I do not believe that caring again will make you weak. But making decisions based on those feelings…” she lets her voice trail off, but Lexa knows how the sentence ends.
“That would make me weak,” she completes it. Anya doesn’t know she is echoing what Lexa herself was just explaining – even after so many years, she still mirrors her mentor, her Fos. “Weaker than I have been before. Because I never made decisions based on what I feel for Costia, or Gustus, or you. And I feel much for you.” Anya looks shocked at this admission. “I will not be a liar, Anya, not anymore. I care for you, I care for Gustus. I loved Costia so much her death nearly destroyed me. That is the truth. But understand, Anya – what I am doing for the Skaikru is for our people. Not for Clarke. I will be glad if she is spared pain, but I believe the Skaikru can aid us.”
she’s such a good fucking leader. i miss her so much. she’s so soft & fierce 😭
/
“Guns,” Lexa says firmly. “It is not our way, it is not our belief, and it is not an honourable tactic, but the Skaikru do not have the same ways or beliefs or honour as we do. I once told you that I believed the other clans had ways that could be of use to us, and now we eat fish we cannot catch and wear the furs of creatures we’ve never seen and own horses we never bred. The Boat People and the Ice Nation and Plains Riders gave us those. And they have wood to build homes and nuts and meat to eat that we gave them. The Trikru did not take their ways, but we benefit from them, as they benefit from ours. Our children learn to fight bandits and beasts instead of killing each other. They are all my people now, all twelve of the clans, because I willed it so, because I did not listen when you and others spoke of danger. I do not wish to allow a potential ally to be destroyed simply because it is easier than to help them live.”
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ccf rereads loso /12
heads up! read this fic if you haven’t already bc major spoilers abound!
chapter 23: someone to watch
At first Clarke wondered if this would be viewed by the Trikru as freeloading, but apparently Lexa brought an additional barrel of fayowada to the village as thanks, and had Indra spread knowledge of that around. Between that and the party the first night they were there, the TonDC villagers probably think of the Skaikru as some sort of omen of drunkenness.
skaikru: why’d we get so drunk?
trikru: isn’t that what you do?
skaikru: not really? we’re 17?
trikru: yeah we started drinking fayowada at 12.
skaikru: we dIDNT SO IT HURTS
trikru: WE THOUGHT YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING
/
Anya snorts. “So that is what you’re doing then. How cold, how practical. Especially for your people. The rest of them are branwadas, are goufas, but you aren’t, Clarke kom Skaikru. You are a snake. A threat. And you will get our Commander killed.”
Clarke’s heart pounds hard in her chest. Lexa – blood – blackness, all over her fingers, all over her – lightning – Lexa – her breath comes in little pants and she forces it back into a normal rhythm. She had the dream again last night. “I won’t let Lexa die,” Clarke says fiercely.
i love & hate this entire conversation. i love how real it is, how anya’s feelings about clarke as a threat to lexa come out, how she unintentionally finds the worst button to press with clarke. they both love lexa so much.
/
“My people will fight,” Anya says flatly. “And we will die. While your people run around playing at being hunters, bakers, teachers. You have promised Heda that you will help to take down the Mountain, and it is a fool’s plan.”
“It’s Lexa’s plan too.”
“And you make Lexa a fool!” Anya says harshly, and turns her face away, apparently realising she’s gone too far. She looks visibly upset even as she tries to straighten her face out, and Clarke feels a pang of sympathy. Anya’s anger doesn’t come from hatred or condemnation but from fear and love. She’s known Lexa for years, and suddenly Lexa is behaving differently, making different choices than she expected, acting in ways their people might not accept. She’s scared for her.
tHIS SCENE JFC
/
“You’re not the only one who loves her, Anya,” Clarke says quietly.
“I have known her since she was a yongon,” Anya says, enraged at her emotions being so visible. “You have known her only weeks.”
“I’ve known her forever,” Clarke says, the words brutally honest as they hang in the air. Because part of her has known Lexa forever – Lexa feels almost like another part of her, now. Her soulmate, if such things existed.
/
“Thanks. That would be good. I thought you were... I thought you were angry at me. I went too far, before.” she swallows. Octavia doesn’t like to admit fault. “You were right. You’ve done nothing but good things for everyone. You haven’t been totally honest, I know that, but I do trust you to do what’s best for us, Clarke. I do. Really. And the way I spoke to you was just horrible, I treated you like crap and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry. If you can't tell me everything, then just... just tell me what you can. Alright?”
bb you’re being accountable & just growing so much
//
chapter 24: the third wheel
She swings down off her horse easily, and moves to help Clarke down. Her hands briefly clasp Clarke’s waist and she enjoys the way her hands fit right there. As if she was designed to hold Clarke, and Clarke to hold her.
She is becoming weaker by the day, and it makes her feel stronger than it should.
you are strong bb. you two are strongest together.
/
“You probably shouldn’t take those nuts, though. They’re hallucinogens.” She sees all of their confused glances at her. “They cause visions,” she elaborates. “Don’t eat them. You should give them to us, we can burn them.”
“You should not do that either,” Lexa advises. “When they first go bad, they only cause visions when eaten, but they can get far worse in time. After they have been left for a while, even burning as little as a handful of them can cause half a gonakru to see things which are not there. If you do not know what stage they are at it is best to dispose of them by burying.”
don’t do jobi nuts, kids!
/
“MAUNON! MAU -”
The voice is cut off with a hoarse, choking noise. More yells follow.
/
Clarke moves one of her hands to the small of Lexa’s back, rubbing at it, and even in the gloom she can just barely make out her reaching the other one out to hold Octavia’s hand. Octavia starts, surprised at the unexpected touch, but then allows it. She’s shaking.
Lexa remembers hearing from Clarke once that Octavia grew up under a floor for nearly all her life. What must it be like, after that, to believe you will die under one as well?
oh nooooo babiiieeeeees
/
In the other world, although she stayed calm and pretended serenity for Clarke, all she could think about was what she was losing. The conversations she would never have with Clarke, when she wanted to say everything. The places she only got to touch once, when she wanted to memorise her skin. The peace they would not build together, when she wanted to stand beside Clarke in a better world and know it was their work.
/
“It’s not a coincidence. Taking those bodies. Going west. Leaving sensors here. Looking for me. Taking any of us they can find. It’s not a coincidence.” Clarke looks agonised. “It’s Emerson.”
“Clarke, I do not -”
“He remembers.”
//
k bedtime for me. more after work tomorrow. lol i would def be up for hours more if i hadn’t already read this before.
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ccf rereads loso /13
chapter 25: rinse and repeat
“They just shot them because… well, why not. Bullets are cheap, easy to make.” She closes the eyes of the woman next to him as well. This gona has a facial tattoo, and Clarke wonders what it means – do the three bars on her cheek represent her children? Her siblings? The number of wars she’s fought, the number of decades she’s been alive, the number of people she’s fallen in love with?
every loss this time around is just that much more painful for clarke. she’s trying so hard.
/
- clarke’s ptsd is so soooo painful to read. it’s depicted earnestly & my heart breaks for her
/
She thought this was about love. Her love for Lexa, powerful enough to rip through time. Her feelings for Lexa were so strong they seemed bigger than just her, so it almost made sense to Clarke that she could change the whole world just with grief and need. But when has anything on the ground been about love? “It’s all about blood,” Clarke says finally when she’s in control again.
It’s always about blood. Grounder blood, healing Maunon so their burns fade away like they’d never existed at all. Skaikru blood, giving them the addictive taste of sunshine which spurred them to murder. Lexa’s black blood soaking Clarke’s hands, Clarke’s blood boiling in her veins as the lightning struck, and just the tiniest touch of Emerson’s blood to ruin it all. Clarke thinks she’s been covered in blood more often than rain since she got here.
this is so incredibly haunting & gives me chills
/
“What?” Octavia tries to stifle it, but can’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry… but… you… you’ve doomed the world… through poor hygiene?” She really can’t stop. “That’s your epic-level mistake? Not washing?”
O giving everyone the brief emotional break they need
/
Lexa opens a pouch at her belt and puts in the knock-out dart she was still holding in her hands, as if she’d only just remembered it. To show Indra later, Clarke assumes, though why Lexa would need to prove anything to Indra is beyond her. She closes and knots the pouch carefully again.
for the ripas!!!
//
chapter 26: have dread will travel
- reading clarke & lexa planning what to do about the mountain reminds me how quickly i’d have gotten everyone killed
/
“Can you stay?” Clarke says pleadingly, revealing for a second how much she likes having Lexa there to lean against. Then she clears her throat, and attempts to straighten, stepping out of Lexa’s hold. “I mean, you could tell us which clan we’d be invading in each area, so we could choose where best to go.”
“Of course, ai hodnes,” Lexa assures her.
my bbs need each other
/
“Oh,” Abby sounds surprised. “It’s – it’s nice to meet you too, Commander. Your English is very good.”
“As is yours,” Lexa says, and there is a prolonged silence in response as if Abby is searching for something to say.
Clarke intervenes. “We need to speak to Sinclair, Mom, is he there?”
i imagine/remember this being only the beginning of the awkward
/
Clarke looks at Lexa, unhappy. “It will have to be north then. North, and the Azgeda.”
Lexa nods silently, and Clarke turns back to the radio to begin organising this. There is a Skaikru saying she heard Clarke use once – from the frying pan to the fire. Lexa hopes they have not just committed this.
ohhhh shit
i love grounders using ark phrasings
more like from the frying pan into a blizzard
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