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#chris does a dumb
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(Genshin Impact) Who would be best in a zombie apocalypse?
Zero Powers, Zero Archon abilities, just pure skill, training, technical know-how, knowledge, etc.
This is my hot take of who'd be the best for surviving the End Times.
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Personally, the person I'd want with me is Shenhe because she'd just go full Doomguy on everyone, but a friend of mine wants Childe with him which is respectable.
Who would you take with you if you could only take one?
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OH MY GOOD GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THIS BLOG
HELLO HI, THIS IS CHRIS, I'M STILL ALIVE
I am VERY sorry, I completely forgot to tell everyone here that I actually migrated to a new blog over to @genshingorlsrevengeance!
I have NO idea how many of yall are still even here but this is where I am now, and I will be bringing Scarlet Nexus over to there as well!
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houseisekai · 1 year
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Glad to see you still with us this blog is very enjoyable and characters feel natural. Chemistry between characters is solid
Yup, I'm still here! And speaking of which, an announcement will be out as soon as I post this.
I haven't technically gone anywhere, at least not off tumblr.
House Isekai will continue! Albeit slowly, more explanation incoming.
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chrisoftheeclipse · 6 days
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Here take my contribution to ultrakill shitposting tumblr
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Original ss under cut
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horrorsequel · 3 months
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adult cartoons r so crazy cos its like "its just a silly show idk why ppl take it so seriously" and then it will literally be a canon event that the teenage protagonist/s have been sexually abused. etf do u mean I'm not supposed to take it seriously at all "its a joke" i know it was SUPPOSED to be a joke , howeveer...
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meri-meri-mwah · 1 year
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Happy Resident Evil 8 two year anniversary!
But...I won't forgive Capcom for butchering some characters with terrible writing and leaving us with MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.
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musette22 · 1 year
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When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then it send to the last ten people in your notifications (anonymously). You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity.
Thank you, lovely! I'll reply to another one of these, because I need some happy things before bed! Five things that make me happy are:
Sebastian Stan's nose scrunch:
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2. Chris Evans' boob grab:
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3. sebastian stan dancing:
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4. Chris and Dodger being cute together:
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5. Chris and Sebastian being adorably smitten goobers:
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strawberrysturniolo · 3 months
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DEALER CHRIS WITH BENEFITS EATING SEX CHOCOLATE FIC!!!!
lets trip // dealer!chris
summary: your dealer comes over to smoke, and when you get the munchies, you discover a stash of sex chocolates. oral (male receiving). breeding kink. high sex. dominant chris. friends with benefits.
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I’ve been buying weed from him for months now. He was only ever supposed to be my plug, nothing more. I didn’t even think we were capable of being friends above the simple conversations we had over transactions.
It’s not up for debate that this guy is hot as shit. Everyone knows it. He’s known in town for being everyone’s favorite dealer. The guys think he’s cool, and the girls are obsessed with him. I think some girls started smoking just so they could be with him at some point. Some probably expected to take it to the next level and fuck him. That wasn’t my plan at all, but somehow, here I am.
I found about him through my friend. Her boyfriend bought from him, and they helped me connect to Chris when things got hard and I decided to start smoking.
We hit it off from the jump. I was highly attracted to him, but we just seemed to connect in certain ways that I wasn’t expecting.
He just… understood me. He started taking care in me that I don’t think he was planning on developing either. He started watching how much I was buying, questioning my safety, my mental health, everything.
When he first started getting flirty, I didn’t think anything of it. I assumed that’s how he was with every female customer. I thought that was his way of marketing to them and ensuring they would come back to see him. He wants to make money more than he wants to have sex with his customers, shockingly.
He’s a good guy. He’s a little misunderstood. He definitely has a soft spot underneath the metal plates that protect his body.
Me:
out of weed. can i buy some off you?
hot dealer:
Out on deals rn. Won’t get back until late. I can come when I finish if you want. How bad are you out?
Me:
just ran out
hot dealer:
Just? And your already asking for more? Bad girl. Drugs are bad. Unless this is your excuse for me to come see you.
Me:
maybe both. come find out for yourself
hot dealer:
Be there in an hour.
The next hour moved by painfully slow. This is either because I’m waiting to see Chris, or because I’m waiting for weed.
Chris and I have had sex a few times. It’s always great. I’m always left wondering if we should continue or if it’s time to call it quits and stick to our dealer to customer relationship.
I feel sick at the idea of losing him like that.
My apartment door opens two hours later, a voice following.
“Munchkin?” Chris calls out. “Where you at?”
I walk out of my bedroom, peeking my head out first. A smile pulls at my lips without even thinking about it. He does that to me. It’s aggravating.
“What happened to an hour? It’s been two,” I enlighten him on his lateness, wrapping my arms around him as I take in the subtle scent of weed on him.
I sink my head into his shoulder, feeling the warmth radiating off his body from his brown hoodie. He pairs it with a pair of camouflage cargo pants and white Air Force sneakers.
“Has it?” he asks me, playing dumb. He lets out a subtle whine before squeezing me closer. “Missed me that bad, huh?”
“Don’t let it get to your head,” I roll my eyes, letting go of him. There’s a loss in me when our bodies disconnect. “How was business today?”
He nods, pursing his lips a little as he thinks. “Not bad. Same as usual. Some stupid kids, other people who think they know more than me. It’s nothing new.”
I open my fridge, grabbing a soda for him, the same routine every time he comes over.
“Hey, I don’t wanna sound like a dick,” he says as he cracks his can open. “I’ve been so fucking busy today, I haven’t eaten. I don’t wanna raid your fridge or anything, but have you eaten? Do you wanna get anything?”
I shake my head. “I ate a bit ago while I was studying. I have to get more groceries anyway, so you can eat whatever you want, if you can find anything.”
“Have I ever told you you’re the best ever?” he grins.
My cheeks flush pink. “Ehhhh, maybe once or twice.”
He presses a kiss to my cheek and says, “Well you are.”
He then proceeds to investigate in my pantry, cabinets, and fridge, pulling out a snack for himself.
“How much did you bring?” I ask him, referring to the weed he owes me.
“Three grams,” he responds through chews.
“How much do I owe you this time?”
He shrugs. “Don’t worry about it.”
I drop my shoulders. “Dude.”
“Don’t fight me on it,” he warns. “You should be glad I’m giving you free weed. Be appreciative.”
“I am appreciative, but I want you to make money.”
He pouts his bottom lip, putting on an act. “That’s so cute you want me to make moneyyyyyy,” he draws out, then relaxes his face to its usual state. “That’s why I fuck with these dumbasses and over charge them. I overcharge the stupid, Munchkin gets free weed,” he explains.
I’m halfway through an eye roll when he says, “You ever tried this shit?” He lets out a little moan at the taste. “If you catch it in your mouth I’ll give you a kiss.”
Without thinking twice, I squat my legs a bit and open my mouth. Chris sends a piece of chocolate through the air, and I catch it on my tongue.
“Atta girl,” he praises. “Good catch.”
“Mmm,” I hum as the taste fills my mouth. “I think this is my roommates chocolate.”
Chris lets out a little wince. “Shit, my bad.”
“No, it’s fine. Like I said, I have to run to the store to get stuff anyway, so I’ll just get her some more. What’s the brand?”
Chris flips the box around to read the label. “Hmm. Good Relations. Kind of a strange chocolate brand. Why didn’t she just get Hershey’s or something?”
Our eyes snap to each others at the same time.
“What’d you say?!” I ask, running over to grab the box from him.
“Why does your roommate leave her sex chocolate in the pantry! Tell her to put the freaky shit in the bedroom!”
“Why are you eating shit without checking labels!”
“I didn’t know it was a sex candy factory in here!” he defends.
“Give me the box.” He tosses the package to me, and I scan the text on the back. “It says it starts working in 20-40 minutes…”
Chris pumps his fist through the air. “SCORE! I’m getting laid and I had some good chocolate.”
“I was just reading the box, you freak!”
Chris lowers his eyebrows at me. “Don’t act like you weren’t expecting me to come over and fuck you after you got your weed.”
I mumble a, “Shut up,” before putting the chocolates back in the pantry.
“So… are we gonna fight the temptation… or are we gonna fuck?”
“Give me my weed and then I’ll think about it.”
Chris frowns as he digs a hand into the pocket of his pants. “So demanding,” he says as he pulls out a bag with a few green trees inside.
“Thank you,” I smile, giving him a quick kiss on his lips before walking to my room.
He groans. “That’s all I get!”
“For now, yeah!” I call back to him over my shoulder. “Come smoke this with me and we’ll see if you get lucky.”
Chris follows me into my room, sitting down in a comfy chair in my room. His ass has imprinted into the material with how much time he spends there.
“Want me to roll for you?” he asks, peeking at me as I grab my essentials.
“Mhm,” I hum, fishing through my drawer. “You do it tighter.”
“Mmm,” he responds, sitting up a bit in the chair. He waits for me to walk back over then says, “Yeah, you know I like my shit tight,” and adds a slap to my ass, grabbing it harshly after.
I pass him a rolling tray along with some paper, watching his every move. I can do this easily, but there’s something so sexy about the way Chris does this. The focus on his face, his scrunched eyebrows, his lip poking out of his mouth, resting over his bottom lip.
His eyes are already bright red, the most beautiful blue shade complimenting them. His beard is almost clean shaven, a light beard growing in, but nothing major.
“You hear me?” he asks, his voice snapping me out of whatever trance I was put in.
“Huh?”
“I said I need a lighter,” he repeats. God knows how many times he’s said it and I wasn’t listening.
“Sorry,” I mumble, tossing him the lighter.
He rests the lighter on his thigh, then presses this thumb to my lips. “Open.”
I do as he says, sucking on his thumb for a moment. He pulls it back out and uses my saliva to seal the joint shut.
He holds the joint up the my lips, and I take it between them, letting him light the end for me.
“So obedient, aren’t you?” he asks me in a low voice.
I say nothing, only nodding as I inhale the smoke entering my mouth.
Maybe it’s the chocolate, or maybe it’s the fact that he knows exactly what to say to get me wound up.
Before I can let the smoke out, his hand grips my jaw, pulling me down to him and attaching our lips. As my mouth parts open, the smoke dances between our mouths, entering his. He sucks in a breath and smiles.
“Tastes even better from your mouth,” he whispers, pressing his lips to my chin, then under my jaw.
I hold the joint front of his face, letting him grab it with his mouth and take it between his fingers next.
“Thank you for my weed,” I whisper, watching him in a daze.
He slouches in the chair, spreading his legs in front of me. “Wanna show me how thankful you are?”
He raises his eyebrows as he tags another drag of the joint, and before I can think twice about it, I’m on my knees, unbuttoning his pants.
“Eager, aren’t you?” he teases. I ignore him and pull his pants down around his knees, bringing his underwear with it.
I don’t know what magic is in those chocolates, but in all the times I’ve seen this man’s dick, it’s clear that it’s different now. He looks bigger, like he’s throbbing so much that his dick had no option but to expand slightly. He’s thick, dark veins decorating the length, while his beet red tip leaks of precum. I swallow at the sight, taking him in.
“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” he reminds me, but still, this feels different.
“You look so good,” I groan, touching his tip and spreading the precum.
He flinched just at that touch, like it’s already sending him close to the edge. “You wanna make me feel good?” he breathes out.
I nod, spitting a line of saliva down to his dick, spreading it over his length as I lick the other side.
“Oh god,” he sighs. He takes the joint back into his mouth, chasing two highs.
He holds the joint between two fingers, his head tossed back over the top of the chair.
I suck tightly over his tip, his hips bucking up, making me take more of him. His hands hold the back of my head in a messy make-shift ponytail, his jaw slack as I suck more of him. My head starts to bob at a reasonable rhythm, his moans becoming uncontrollable.
“Fuck, that’s it baby,” he smiles lazily. “Such a good girl- Fuck.”
His hips start to meet me halfway, thrusting lightly until his tip hits the back of my throat. I let him do that a few times before a soft gag leaves my mouth, and I take myself off of him, breathing heavily. A line of spit connects my lips and his dick.
“Too much?” he asks, wiping the tears starting to drip down my cheekbones from the pressure in my throat.
“I’m okay,” I nod. “Promise.”
“You’re doing so well. Just keep doing what you’re doing. That chocolate… I can’t hold off much longer.”
I drop my head lower, sucking his balls. He shouts out a string of profanities as his head flies backwards, the hand in my hair tightening. His teeth are clenched together, and he squeezes the joint so tight that it’s nearly flattened.
I spit on his tip again, making sure he’s fully coated before I start sucking his tip again, dropping my mouth halfway down his length and bobbing it back up and down. I stroke the rest of him with one hand while I massage his balls with my other. The sound is insane, the wetness of my mouth on his dick, and the gagging as I take him as deep as I can in my throat. Not to mention his moans that are almost screams of pleasure at this point.
“Fuck!” he yells, gripping the side of the chair as he lets his release fill my mouth. “Shit, shit, shit, ohhhhhh god, baby. Yeah that’s it, take my fucking cock.”
My eyes are full, watering as he forcefully shoved his dick into my throat. I pull off of him slowly with a popping sound before I sit up, smiling at him.
“You’re insane,” he pants, smiling at me as I stand up. He slaps my ass harshly, pulling me closer to him after. He slaps both cheeks again and pulls me down to sit on his lap. He grabs my jaw and kisses me, a sloppy and wet kiss that just shows each other how badly we need more. As soon as I sit myself on his dick, I start grinding on him without a care of my rhythm. I just need a relief.
He reads my mind, wrapping his hands under my ass and scoops me into his arms. He leads us to my bed, tossing me down before he steps out of his underwear and pants, kicking them across the floor. He yanks his sweatshirt off, leaving on a tight black shirt. His hands trace my legs as he strips me of my own clothing, leaving my dripping pussy in his sight as he lowers himself between my thighs.
“Such a pretty pussy,” he says. He places his palm against my folds, feeling how wet I am. “Aw, poor girl. Need my dick in between there, don’t you?”
I nod, whimpering as the slightest touch to my clit has my entire body on fire. I’ve never felt so horny in my life, and I could kill him for not putting his fingers in me soon enough.
“Let me hear your pretty voice, then I’ll give you whatever you want,” he rationalizes, and considering how desperate I am right now, I’ll do anything he wants.
“Please, Chris,” I whine. “Please, please, anything. Just touch me.”
“Mmmm,” he smiles, dragging his plump lips over my clit until I shudder. “Let me hear that pretty voice again.”
Just as the words leave his mouth, he suctions his lips over my clit, pulling upwards and releasing it before spitting back on it. His fingers rub quickly over the bud, his eyes locked on mine.
I grip his arm, my fingers digging into his skin. “Tell me how good I’m making you feel. Tell me how badly you need to be fucked by me.”
“So bad-“
He makes me wince as his hand slaps over my clit.
“Full sentences or you get nothing,” he says through gritted teeth.
“You’re making me feel so good, Chris,” I correct myself. “I want you so- Need you to fuck me.”
“That’s a good girl,” he mumbles, pushing two fingers inside as he pushes my shirt up my chest with the other hand, instructing me to take it off. I peel the fabric over my head, discarding it to the floor. “So wet around my fingers.”
He removes them just after, a cry of desperation leaving my mouth. He sucks he’s fingers clean, then strokes his cock, his chin pressed to his chest and he stares down at himself. He leans forward, slapping his dick against my clit. My legs shake with every hit.
The tip of his dick finds my cunt, and he slips in so easily, like he was made for me. Like he was supposed to fill me up. He wraps one of my legs around his waist as he situates himself, then wraps my other leg around him, burying himself as deep as he could go.
He spit onto his thumb, pressing it onto my clit as he created friction just where I needed him, continuing to thrust himself inside of me.
“That’s it, take it baby. Take it.”
My heels dig into his back, pulling him closer, if it’s possible. His head buries into my neck, removing his fingers from my clit and replacing his hand with the movement of his pelvis, grinding it into me.
As my hands reach up to his back, trying to hold onto him, he grabs my wrists, pinning them above my head.
His breath hits my face as he locks his eyes on mine. He watches every move I make. Every moan that leaves my mouth, he’s right there to inhale it.
“Chris,” I groan, feeling myself tighten around him.
A low moan pulls from deep in his throat. “Just like that baby, I’m gonna cum in you.”
I nod, squeezing his cock with my pussy, watching as his face unfolds with pleasure.
“I’m gonna put a baby in you,” he says. “You’d like that, huh?”
I nod furiously.
“I’m gonna cum in you,” he says. “Watch it all drip out of this perfect pussy. Then I’m gonna pump my fingers in you and force it to stay inside of you.”
“Please,” I whine.
He locks one hand around both my wrists, using his free hand to grip my jaw. “Watch my face when I cum in you.”
Seconds later, his hips thrust at a rapid rate before stilling inside of me as he pumps his cum inside. His slacked jaw causes our lips to brush against each other.
As he pulls out, the last brush of our hips forces my orgasm out of me, my cum dripping out of my pussy along with his.
“Aht aht aht,” he tsks. He takes three fingers and pushes them into me. “Told you to keep this shit inside of you.”
I nod weakly. “I’m sorry.”
He presses a soft kiss to my lips. “Mhm.” He lays on his stomach next to me, breathing out a laugh. “We should snoop through her snacks more often.”
Yeah, we fucking should.
tag list: @secret-sturniolo @chrisloyalgf @strnilolo @jellybeanbby @qwertytit @55sturn @sleepysturnss @creamoncreamoncream2 @sturnvvz @swaggygirlboss123 @angelworldspost @patscorner @ducksturniolo @mattitties @luv4kozume @mbbsgf @freshloveforthefit @ripmattitude @gamermattsgf @strniololoverr @urmom2bitch @sturnitup @luvmila444 @st7rnioioss @sturniolosreads @1201pm-blog @pepsiskiess @alorsxsturn @sturniolopepsi @sturnsgasoline @sturns-posts @sstvrnioloo @strawberrymilk4k @ratatioulle @kiibichio @nickmillersn1gf @milesfordays11 @l9vesick @mattsturnzzz09 @mattnchrisworld
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Ayaka's goofy ah idle animation
I'm like 99% sure I made a joke about it already, but I cannot get over just how brain empty Ayaka looks on her default model.
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evie-sturns · 4 months
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miniskirt - Matt Sturniolo
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summary: you, matt, chris and madi are out walking in public, but your outfit is driving him crazy.
warnings: public bathroom sex, soft dom matt, smut!!
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(matt’s pov)
that fucking mini skirt. everytime she’s wears that skirt it results in us fucking, i don’t think there ever been a time she’s worn that and we haven’t fucked.
today, of all days, she’s wearing it. it’s sitting perfectlyon her hips as she walks with madi, she knows im staring but i can’t help it. the sexual frustration is building as quickly bends over to pick up her credit card that she just dropped, it only reveals a small portion of her panties but it’s enough for me to zone out everything chris is trying to tell me.
“matt are you even listenting?” chris says punching me in the arm and i instantly look at him “what?” i say playing dumb “oh please matt, you’ve been staring at y/n’s ass for 45 minutes” he says, probably a little too loud because y/n’s head instantly snaps back to stare at me, she smirks a little then continues talking to nick and madi. as soon as she’s not looking i shove chris and keep walking down the footpath.
(y/n’s pov)
we approach a small icecream truck and chris instantly drags madi and nick to it.
“hey guys does anyone know if there’s a bathroom around here?” i call out to my friends and matt instantly responds “oh yup, cmhere, i’ll take you while they order.” he says, much more confident then he usually is.
without another word he’s dragging me to the closest toilet block, which is practically abandoned from how empty it is.
“y’know you’ve been driving me fucking crazy this whole afternoon with that skirt.” he says breaking the comfortable silence. “hm?” i cluelessly respond, but in all seriousness i wore this skirt for one reason, and one reason only. “don’t play dumb y/n” he says sternly as he walks into a large stall with me, consisting of a toilet, a sink and a countertop. “hmm.. i think you’ll have to show me what’s driving you crazy.” i bite back and he instantly picks me up and drops me down on the countertop. his cold fingers grab my tight thighs and push them apart, revealing my white panties
“fucking hell.” he mumbles trying to stay calm as he pulls them to the side. “already so wet.” he tuts as he drags one of his ringed fingers from my entrance to my swollen clit. “more-..” is the only word i can squeeze out
“tell me why you wore that skirt hm?” he teases as he drags his fingers through my folds again “cause i wanted to.” i say challenging him, without warning he slams two fingers deep inside of me then instantly pulling out, i groan feeling the loss of contact “i think we both know that’s a lie.” he mumbled as he just looks at me “fine, i wanted you to fuck me because i know this skirt turns you on.” i whisper out and he smirks “good girl.” he says unbuckling his belt and yanking down his jeans.
the coldness of the bathroom mirror pressed against my back makes me shudder as i reach for his boxers, attempting to pull them down.
“you ready?” he says pulling down his navy blue boxers, letting his throbbing cock bounce out. “y-yes please” i say quietly and matt pushes his length, inch by inch, inside of me until i feel his tip kiss my cervix. he whimpers slightly “your so tight, i don’t know if i’m gonna last long with you squeezing me baby.” he warns as he starts to thrust into me slowly, i let out a loud moan and he instantly throws a hand over my mouth “we don’t want the others to hear if they come looking, do we?” he says as his tattooed arm holds me tight on the countertop.
“i’m gonna-“ i say, muffled by his hand but he instantly pulls out. “matt-“ i whine loudly out of frustration, he picks me up by my ass then closes the lid to the toilet, sitting down on it
“on.” he commands and i instantly straddle him, supporting my weight on his thighs, “go on” he says lifting me up by my ass and hovering me above his tip “you need some help getting on?” he asks softly and i nod. he nods aswell before biting his lip and dropping me slowly down on his cock. he lifts me back up to his tip and then pushes me back down to his base. i claw at his chest “fuck oh my god” i moan loudly as he frees one hand from my ass and shushes me again. he keeps lifting me up and down with one arm.
i clench around him without warning “fuck..” he groans “i’m gonna fill you up baby, is that okay?” he asks softly as he keeps thrusting up into me, “yes-yes..” i say out of desperation as i feel myself release on his length, shortly after he fills me up, thrusting a few more times to keep him cum buried inside me.
after a few minutes of panting, the door to bathrooms open, i freeze as i stay silent, matt still buried inside of me. “matt, y/n? which stall are you in.” madi calls out as matt slowly starts to thrust again , taunting me. “they’re probably not even here.” nicks voice follows
matt’s hand is sealed on my mouth as he thrusts slowly, but deeply. “just the end one, we’ll be a minute though.” matt calls out after a few seconds. i squeeze my eyes shut as matt thrusts deeper, and deeper. matt mouths at me “talk.” and my eyes widen, “u-ugh-.. sorry i-i uh..fuck-.. sorry i got- my period i’ll be a minute” as i speak matt smirks widely, watching me struggle to string a sentence together without moaning
madi knocks on the stall door, “do you need any supplies you sound a little distressed babe” madi whispers through the door and matt stays silent, forcing me to talk, instead i let out a loud moan, but disguise it with a cough “n-no..” i manage to squeeze out.
“we’ll be outside, good luck in there y/n.” nick says as him and madi walk out
“what the fuck was that..” i whisper to matt as he pulls out
“you know, it was funny watching you try to think while i was buried inside you.” he says cockily as he helps me button up my miniskirt.
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houseisekai · 2 years
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House Isekai Short: The Gang become 3D
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(Aigis) "Apparently, Recette gave us something called the '3D-Ifier'. It would change our portraits to become...well, 3D, I am assuming."
(Kazuma) "That doesn't sound super scuffed at all."
(Towa) "Oh, we could finally make some joke asks a reality!"
(Rean) "Is this a good idea? I'm with Kazuma on this one, I'm not sure our models could be recreated good enough."
(Aigis) "While I am not one to tempt fate, it couldn't help to try."
(Rean) "Yeah, I don't think we should-"
Aigis pushed the button before a puff of smoke enveloped everyone.
POOF!
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(Rean) "...Oh."
(Towa) "..."
(Kazuma) "..."
(Aigis) "...I think this was a mistake."
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(Rean) "As far as ways to be portrayed go, I think we look surprisingly fine."
(Towa) "Yeah, Rean and I look great! Plus, it actually shows off our height differences without the proportions being too off!"
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(Kazuma) "Oh my GOD I LOOK HORRIBLE! WHY AM I THE ONLY SCUFFED ONE IN COMPARISON?!"
(Aigis) "I appear to be fine but...what happened to my suit? And why am I in my uniform from the Academy years?"
(Kazuma) "Someone just shoot me, this looks horrible!"
WHIRRRRRRRRRR!
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(Towa, Rean, Aigis) "..."
(Kazuma) "...Is it too late to say I like this-"
(Recette's Voice) "NO REFUNDS!"
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(Kazuma) "GAH! CHRIST RECETTE, WHAT THE FUCK?! DID YOU SERIOUSLY USE AN ARTILLERY CANNON ON M-"
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(Kazuma) "..."
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(Kazuma) "Fuck it, sure. This'll work."
=====
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Not exactly one to one on all accounts, but damn if it isn't close/cool to see them in a full 3d manner, one which I can pose too!
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chrisoftheeclipse · 12 days
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new ultrakill update proved that machines have emotions. It seriously made me cry just now. i have a friend who's a v1 fictkin. She's told me how she felt in memories. Paranoid. Scared. Just fighting for her life..
.. i wonder if that's how canon v1 feels now, along with the other machines.
Hug your machines, everyone, they deserve it.
Screenshots (curtosey of my friend dubiousSanguine) under cut
From the pov of the gutterman
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apclyptc · 6 months
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DUMB— chris sturniolo x reader
synopsis: reader is smart and top of her class in college. chris however, is not too interested in her intelligence.
warnings: full on smut, swearing and also drinking/smoking, use of the pet name baby, use of the word slut, dumbification, oral (f! receiving), unprotected sex
“hit her from the back she can’t do nothing but yell,
and she smart as fuck i got this bitch straight out of yale”
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
Ever since you were younger, you seemed to have a gift for memorising and holding information. Because of this, people assumed you studied constantly.
Obviously, you did study. But it wasn’t like you didn’t have a social life. You enjoyed college parties like any other person would.
So when a guy in your class invited you to his frat house for a party, of course you didn’t refuse.
The only thing was, this guy just happened to be Chris.
He was in your social studies class, usually sat at the very back with a couple of his friends in the lecture. You knew of each other, having shared mutual friends from other classes. You’d never really spoken to him one-to-one, mainly because he was always socialising with pretty much everyone, and while you weren’t shy, you also weren’t a huge fan of jumping into conversations with people who all knew each other prior.
It also didn’t help that Chris was the most attractive man you had seen in college, or maybe in your life.
You were good at hiding it, but he made you nervous. Of course, when he invited you to his fraternity house, you faked an air of confidence so you didn’t weird him out.
“Hey, it’s Y/N, right?” Chris began, and when you affirmed with a nod he continued, “I’m throwing a party tonight, you should come.” He threw a smile in your direction, and you pushed down the immediate feeling of giddiness before answering.
“Yeah sure, sounds good. When does it start?” You asked nonchalantly as you could.
“Around 10. You can come whenever, it will be on way into the morning anyway.”
“Great. Am I good to bring a couple friends?” You replied, not wanting to walk into a party alone.
“Yeah that’s fine with me. Ask your friend Lola, my buddy Nate has a thing for her. Just don’t tell him I told you that.” He smirked at you.
That smirk. You wished you could see that smirk while he was hovering over you as he sla—
“Lola, yeah! I’ll bring her along with me.” You snapped out of your less than decent reverie and gave Chris a response.
“Perfect. I’ll see you there, Y/N.” He gave a quick glance up and down your body before turning and walking away from you.
It was then you realised, you had absolutely nothing to wear. Plus, since Chris just personally asked you, you decided you may as well dress as hot as possible.
Y/N: hey lola, frat party tonight?
Lola: do u even have to ask??? usually it’s me dragging u to these things
Y/N: true lmao. i’m gonna need to borrow something from ur closet
Lola: ooooh why, do u need smth slutty?
Y/N: maybe
maybe i was personally invited by the party thrower
Lola: who
Y/N: chris 😇
Lola: GIRL-
ok ok i’ll give u the sluttiest thing i can find
come over later and we can pick something out for u
A couple of hours later once you were finished at college, you headed to your best friend Lola’s dorm.
You two had spent what seemed like hours choosing each other’s outfits.
“By the way, a little birdie told me that Nate has a thing for you.” You eyed Lola up, knowing she had a soft spot for him.
“Oh, really? That’s interesting. Totally unrelated but would you still happen to have that box of condoms I gave you for secret santa last year?” Lola gave you a suggestive look, raising her eyebrows.
“Of course. Already put two in my bag.” You both laughed.
You arrived at the party at 11:27, mainly because no one turns up to a party on time, but also because Lola took a ridiculous amount of time to get ready.
You met up with a couple of girls from the dorms opposite Lola, seeing as they were also invited.
As soon as you arrived, you were immediately shown to the kitchen where an array of bottles were displayed.
Vodka, whiskey, rum, tequila and practically any spirit you could think of, were decorated around the kitchen.
You grabbed two cups, one for you and Lola, and filled it with vodka and soda.
“Hey, I think I see Nate and Chris over there.” Lola points behind you through to the games room, where lo and behold, Nate and Chris were playing what looked like an intense game of beer pong.
The two of you walked over to them, Nate noticing you first.
“Hey! Come help me win the game, Lola.” He gestured for her to play with him.
Chris had then turned around to see you, that smirk appearing yet again.
“You gonna help me?”
You took a quick swig of the contents in your cup before joining Chris at the table.
“Atta girl. Nice of you to bring Lola for my bro.” He spoke in a low voice so that only you could hear.
“Chris, stop flirting and throw the damn ball.” Nate teased, and you felt your cheeks grow red.
Chris threw the ball into the cup closest to him, the object landing into the beer and making a splash.
“Drink up, fool.” he glanced at you to make sure you were watching.
After a while, you had enough to drink to give you a confidence boost, and were now invested in the game of beer pong.
It was down to one cup each, and you had to make the final shot.
“Come on, Y/N,” Chris spoke from behind you, “you got it.”
It was too hard to concentrate with his voice so close to your ear, and his body so close to yours. You threw the ball, but it narrowly missed the cup.
“Yes! Chris you’re a loser!” Nate laughed at his best friend across from the table, throwing his arm around Lola who had locked eyes with you as he did this.
‘Don’t forget the condom’, you mouthed to her playfully, and she winked, pointing to her pocket.
Nate and Lola had then disappeared together, leaving you alone with Chris.
“Sorry I missed the cup.” You joked.
“Apology accepted. You wanna smoke with me?” He pulled out a perfectly rolled joint from his pocket.
You weren’t a huge smoker, only joining with Lola occasionally when you felt like unwinding.
Nevertheless you agreed, deciding you may as well since you were at a party.
Chris lead you upstairs into his room. Your eyes immediately glanced around the room, taking in its appearance.
Chris sat on the edge of his bed, and you followed.
“Could you get my lighter, it’s in the top drawer over there.” He pointed to the bedside table at the wall, and you grabbed the device, passing it to him which he thanked you for.
“Lola and Nate seem to hit it off.” You spoke.
Chris held the joint between his lips, lighting it before replying, “he’s down bad for her. Has been for a while.”
You giggled to yourself, knowing Lola felt the same about him. It was a good feeling for you, because you knew Nate was a nice guy.
“They’re a good match. Nate’s a good guy for her." You responded, watching Chris take the first hit of weed and exhaling the thick smoke.
“Yeah? Is that what you’re into? Nice guys?” He asked you, taking another hit before passing it to you.
You took the joint from his hand and inhaled.
“I guess. I think I prefer someone more… unpredictable.” You had Chris in mind as you answered. You had yet to figure out why he invited you here himself, since you didn’t know each other that well.
“In what way?”
“I don’t know, someone I can’t figure out. I like to be kept on my feet, someone like Nate is easy to understand because he’s straightforward. Which is great for Lola, she deserves someone who is like that.” You thought about all the past few guys Lola had a thing with. They weren’t that nice.
You passed the joint back to Chris who had his eyes trained on you as you spoke.
“So you like the tension, not knowing when or if someone wants you.” He tried to understand.
“Yeah. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice when it’s easy. But..” You trailed off.
“It’s more fun not to know.” Chris finished your trail of thought as if he knew the feeling.
“Exactly.”
A comfortable silence sat between you, passing the joint back and forth until it was gone.
“I have a question.” You asked, breaking the silence.
Chris tapped the joint out on his bedside table, and brought his attention back to you, “Go ahead.”
“Why did you invite me here? I mean, it’s not that I didn’t want to come, it’s just that we haven’t really talked much.” You asked, needing to know.
Chris chuckled.
“I thought it was more fun not to know?” He smirked, using your own logic against you.
“Come on! Tell me.” You persisted.
Chris leaned in closer to you, and you could swear your heart was beating out of your chest.
“I always see you in class,” He began to explain, continuing to close the gap between you, “sitting close to the front, answering all the questions. You’re pretty smart, aren’t you?”
The tension was palpable, and you felt yourself grow wetter as his low voice penetrated your ears.
“I want an answer.” He demanded.
“I- I guess so.” Your voice wavered, all of a sudden finding it hard to speak.
“I’ve always wanted to see how long it takes until I can make you speechless.”
And it surely didn’t take long, because in moments his lips were on yours.
It was as if every guy you had dated never existed, the feeling of Chris kissing you overrode any experience you had thus far.
His left hand rested on the back of your neck while his other hand took the opportunity to roam around your body, from your thighs to your chest, until it landed on your waist.
Your hands swiftly made their way to his arm and hair, while deepening the kiss he had started.
In a quick movement he lifted you onto his lap, letting both his hands find purchase on your waist.
With your arms wrapped around his neck, you slowly moved your hips rhythmically, earning a soft grunt from him.
Pulling away, he spoke, “You want to do this?”
You nodded, before asking the same of him.
“Do you?”
That same smirk that sent you reeling reappeared again.
“Does this answer your question?” He grinded his hips upwards into you, allowing you to feel his growing hard-on.
A whine escaped from your lips.
“No more talking.”
You reconnected your lips to his, the energy of the room turning into heated passion.
Chris’ hands slowly dragged down to your ass, kneading them with roughness.
You whined again, unable to stop any sounds from leaving your mouth.
The sound of the ongoing party downstairs could be faintly heard from inside the room, but you paid it no mind. You couldn’t, not while Chris had all his attention on you.
He briefly paused to take off the top you were wearing, and then resumed with his skilled tongue, sliding against yours. He took you off his lap, not separating from you for a moment as he laid you down on your back.
“Such a smart girl in class,” he pulled his shirt over his head and threw it behind him, “Does anyone know that you’re really just a little slut?” He kissed your neck, then your jaw.
“I need an answer.” Chris demanded again, and you rubbed your thighs together in want.
“No.” You breathed.
“No, what?” His hand glided up your thigh, separating them.
“I’m not a slut.” You managed to find words.
“So if I reach in between your legs, right now, you won’t be dripping for me?”
You knew you were.
A hand snaked through your skirt, pulling aside your underwear, and he slowly dragged a finger down your pussy.
“I’ve barely touched you. Do you want me to? Want me to touch you right here?” His finger, coated in your slickness, inched its way inside, just enough for you to feel it, but not enough to satisfy you.
You bucked your hips up, trying to feel something, anything.
But Chris pulled his hand away, causing you to whine in frustration.
Luckily for you, he wanted to feel you so badly, he couldn’t tease you for long. He grabbed the hem of your skirt, pulling it down your legs and threw it in the same direction as his shirt.
“I want to hear you. You love opening that mouth when we’re in class.” And with that, he pulled your underwear aside and attached his mouth straight to your throbbing clit.
All you could do was moan and writhe in his bed as he delved into your wet cunt, licking up all the arousal like a starved man.
Your hands flew to his hair, tugging on it desperately. The vibrations from the groan that left his mouth sent waves of pleasure tearing through your body.
Chris’ hands dug into the flesh of your thighs as they instinctively tried to close around his head.
“Fuck, right there!” You moaned loudly as his tongue dove inside your hole.
One of his hands left your thigh and drew circles on your clit, causing you to arch your back at the white-hot pleasure you felt from his ministrations.
Chris could feel his dick pulsate through his pants at the sounds you were making. He needed to feel you.
“You want me to fuck you, huh? Fill you up good?” He asked, and you knew by now he wanted an answer.
“Please, please, please.” Were the only words you could muster, too high on the feeling Chris had given you with his mouth.
He wasted no time on giving you what you were begging for, quickly discarding his pants and boxers, along with your bra and soaked panties.
Lining himself up with your entrance, he slid his dick over the slick of your pussy and pushed the tip in.
Your eyes had shut in anticipation, but when he made no attempt to move you opened your eyes to look at him.
He had waited until you made eye contact with him before pushing his entire dick inside you.
You both moaned at the full feeling, your walls contracting around him.
After a few seconds, Chris began to move.
Thrusting in and out at a slow pace as if to torture you, he shuddered, revelling in the feeling of your tight cunt.
“Fuck, feels so good baby.” You whined at the pet name, bringing his face down so you could kiss him again.
He started picking up the pace after this, your tongues smashing together in absolute need.
“Faster, faster.” You babbled, drunk off the sensation of his cock piston in and out of you.
“Yeah? You want me to fuck you dumb?” He grunted, loving how you could barely string full sentences together.
“Yes, yes, please. Need you deeper.”
The dirty words spilling from your mouth caused him to moan, and he flipped you onto all fours.
“Wanna see that pretty little ass bounce while I fuck you.” He muttered as he entered you yet again.
His pace was relentless, his balls slapping against you from the way he was pounding deep inside you.
You were just making sounds as you tried to say “Harder, faster, more,” but the words couldn’t form properly.
“The slut wants more? Can’t even speak but you’re begging for more?” He taunted you from behind.
You felt a sharp slap on your ass, followed by a soothing rub directly after. You practically yelled as Chris’ hand came down, your cunt convulsing.
“Knew you’d like that,” he slapped your cheek again, “Can feel you squeezing around me.”
You could feel the knot in your stomach unraveling, and you knew you wouldn’t last longer.
“Chris, gonna cum.” You managed to speak between moans.
“Come on baby, need you to cum while I’m inside you.” He groaned, trying to hold his own release off.
His words guided you right to your orgasm, shaking and crying while you came.
“Fuck, you want my cum inside you? Want me to stuff you full?” His pace was losing rhythm, chasing his orgasm while simultaneously overstimulating you.
“Mm, cum inside me. Want to feel it.” You cried, thrusting into him so you could feel more of him.
“So good, feels so good. Oh, I’m gonna cum inside of you,” Chris rambled, “Gonna fill you up with it.”
His moans were uncontrollable, spilling out of him as he relished in the warm feeling of your pussy.
“Cumming.” He grunted, as ropes of his cum spurted out, coating your insides until there was nothing left.
You both took the time to catch your breath, as Chris pulled out of you with a shaky sigh.
“Let me get you a towel.”
You turned onto your back once more, trying to comprehend the mind blowing sex you just had while dozens of people were partying downstairs.
Chris came back with a towel, cleaning the both of you up and passing you your underwear back.
“Hey.” You finally spoke, tired from all the stamina you had just burned.
“Hey.” He replied back to you.
“That was… amazing.” You sighed.
“Yeah, it was fun.”
You weren’t sure if he wanted you to leave now, or if you were supposed to stay, so you opted to do nothing.
“Let me take you on a date.” He announced, and you laughed.
“Don’t you think we’ve done this all a little backwards?”
Chris smiled and brought your head to his shoulder.
“I guess I’m just unpredictable.”
You then remembered you didn’t even use the condom you brought with you. You’d have to make your first date with Chris a trip to the pharmacy.
༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶
a/n haha…. always wear a condom, kids!
hope you enjoyed my first oneshot.
send me any requests you want me to write! i think i’m gonna do an nsfw alphabet next, for chris and matt too
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1K notes · View notes
sukiipjs · 3 months
Text
❧ ONLY YOU
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ chris sturniolo x fem reader
↳ words - 1629
↳ summary - chris sees you with another guy at a party, he has to remind you that your his. only his. (this is freaky)
↳ contains - friends with benifits, smut, lowkey toxic 💀, rough sex, oral, gagging, hair pulling, swearing, spanking, mascohism, drinking, praise, degrading, pet names (baby), idk
↳ song - lights down low by maejor
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
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°:. *₊ ° . ☆
me and chris have a.. complicated relationship. he’s really hot, like really, but honestly he’s such an asshole. everything he does drives me up a fucking wall. all we do is fuck, have been for a while and its great but nothing more, and even though we are nothing more, everytime he sees me with another guy or thinks i’m with another guy, he gets pissed. but when he’s with another girl who cares? that hypocrite. every time i call him out he rolls his eyes and uses his famous line, ‘they don’t fuck me as good as you baby’
anyways. i’m getting ready for this party, i’ve been trying to ignore and forget chris, so why not go to some dumb partys? i get on a tight mini dress, it’s black and silky with thin straps, deep v neck and a cute bow on the back to match my new nails i got a few days ago, black french tips with some rhinestones. black eyeshadow and mascara, some of my favorite lipgloss, smells like strawberry and has glitter in it, almost half out of it already. i leave my hair down and i put on my black heels and finally i grab my small black purse with my lipgloss, my phone, and a condom that will hopefully be used!
i make my way to the party and when i walk into it, i already regret it. i go straight to where all the drinks are and pour some. i lean on the counter staying by the table of drinks and trying not to look too bored.
i look around seeing if anyone i know is here so i can actually talk to someone. as im looking and drinking some random dude comes up beside me, leaning on the counter next to me with a drink in his hand too. “hey” he nudges my shoulder a little, “uh hey?” he continues to talk to me and annoying me, eventually he says i’m ‘boring’ and goes to some other girl.
over time a maybe two other guys come up to me, annoying but one i’m still talking with, he’s actually kinda interesting, and cute. we talk a lot and laugh but then i feel two arms wrap around my waist, making me almost spill my drink. “the fuck?” i turn my head to see who and it’s chris, i see his eyes stare at the guy i’m talking to as he holds me. i roll my eyes as he speaks to the guy, what is wrong with him. “yeah i’m her boyfriend, so.” wait… im his WHAT? the guy looks a little uncomfortable then looks at me before walking off.
i back off from his arms and face toward him, “what the fuck is wrong with you? ‘i’m her boyfriend’ since when?” he laughs a little then takes a sip of his drink, “okay maybe i’m not but i don’t want him talking to you,” i roll my eyes and scoff, “why? every single time you see me with a guy, you make him leave but when your with a girl it’s all fine? we’re fucking! that’s all, so just shut up. i haven’t called you in a while for a reason,”
i see his eyes narrow as he sets his drink down and grabs my arm, “shut up and come with me,” i try to move my arm away from his grip but he pulls me toward some room, i set down my drink as we walk.
he pulls me into a bathroom and shuts the door, pushing me against the door after, “the fuck is wrong with you,” he holds me onto the door, staring at my eyes, “me? the fuck is wrong with you. you’re such an asshole!” one of his hands go to the back of my head, he pulls my hair making my head lean up to look at him better. he moves his head closer to mine, lips inches apart.
“i don’t remember you saying that shit when i was fucking you all those time, when you begged me to come over? yeah? begging me to keep going, fucking slut.” he spits back, “god chris. fuck off!” i try to put my arms on his chest to push him away, “just leave me alone.” i hear him laugh a little as he pushes down on my head, trying to get me on my knees. “just get on those knees and be fucking good? yeah?”
he manages to get me down, me kneeling in front of him as he still grips on my hair and the other to his pants as he pulls down his pants and boxers, my hands trying to push him away on his thighs, “all you do is talk, talk, talk, maybe you should put that mouth to good use,”
his dick springs out and hits my face as he pulls my head closer and the other hand holding his dick, guiding it on my lips as i seal them shut, or trying to. “cmon baby, open up,”
he pushes his dick more and more onto my lips, and finally i open my mouth and he pushes it inside, the tip hitting the back of my throat. “oh fuck baby,” he put his other hand on my head, both holding me down, pushing his dick all the way in. my hands on his legs trying to push away as i start gagging, spit dripping out of my mouth.
he bucks his hips into me more as i try to push myself away but i just hit my head on the door. tears start forming in my eyes as i try to catch my breath, but can’t with my mouth full. he finally pulls out my mouth, stroking his dick and finishing over my face as i close my eyes, panting. “aww, so pretty” he laughs as he kneels down a little, giving my cheek small pats then he grabs my jaw, making my head turn to him. “get up baby, you got this,”
i slowly get myself standing, still panting as he moves me to the counter of the sink and takes off my dress, a huge mirror on the wall. he’s behind me as he grabs my hair, pulling my head up, “look at yourself,” he smacks my ass with his other hand, i jump a little, opening my eyes as i see myself, “look at that slut,” my mascara and tears run down my cheeks, my hair frizzy and messed up, and his come across my face. i lift up my arm to wipe off some of the mess as he laughs, “mm, aren’t you so pretty?”
his hand moves to the front of me, reaching for my clit as he starts to circle it with his finger, my arms on the counter as my head drops and i start to whimper, “fuck! chris…” he moves faster as his length pokes against me. his mouth moving to my neck as he starts kissing and marking my neck.
he lifts his head to my ear as he whispers, “cmon, you’re mine right? only mine?” i try to nod my head as i moan, his breath on my neck. “no, say it. i need to hear it baby,” he moves my hair out of the way of my neck, to the other side, “i’m.. fuck.. i’m yours chris. only yours. only you, please..”
i feel his smirk grow on my neck as he goes back to kissing me, “good girl” my knees buckle as i start to feel even weaker, about to finish but suddenly he stops and i go back to panting and catching my breath as my moans stop.
“chris-“ he cuts me off, “oh don’t worry baby,” he quickly pushes his dick inside me, making my breath cut off, “fuck!” he pulls on my waist, making my elbows lay on the counter and making my back arch even more than it was.
one hand on my waist, guiding his deep thrusts and one on my head, pulling my hair again, making my head lean up, “watch me fuck you before i stop.” i force my eyes to open as i see him behind me thrusting, i mindlessly moan and whine as he fucks me good, forcing my eyes to not close, and staring at the mirror.
“chrisssss…” i moan as i start getting close again, his thrusts become deeper and faster, knowing that i’m close. “cmon baby, let it go” i can’t help but drop my head again, shutting my eyes as i finish over his dick. he keeps thrusting until he comes too, “oh fuck.”
he pulls out and gives me another smack on my ass, “such a good girl baby,” he speaks as he’s talking to a dog. i stand a bit straighter, my legs weak and shaking as i pant more and more, my eyes closing to rest. his hands come up to my shoulders, giving me a small massage.
“your mine right?” i nod as i try to open my mouth to speak but it takes a minute, “y-yes.. only you chris,” i pant. he takes his hand off me and starts getting clothed and putting my panties in his pocket as i’m still leaning on the counter still.
“cmon baby, i’ll help if you need,” i nod and he grabs my dress, nodding at me to put my arms up, i do and he slides it over me. “sit down,” again, i do. i sit on the edge of the bathtub as he grabs a random towel, wetting it and wiping off my face. “there you go,” he smiles throwing the towel elsewhere and leaning down to kiss me, “such a pretty girl,”
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
631 notes · View notes
drabblesandimagines · 20 days
Text
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Leon Kennedy x female reader, commissioned piece Lots of dumb fluff ahead! Thanks so much to the lovely @porcelainseashore for commissioning me with the brief of Leon using a dating app! I've said it before and I'll say it again - please do go check out Porcelain's fics! x
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“So,” Leon places his elbows on the counter behind, leans back and flashes a winning smile, “how about dinner later?”
The auburn-haired woman waits for her coffee to finish dispensing before she shakes her head, lips pursed. “No, thank you, Agent Kennedy.”
“Oh.” He was sure they’d had some sort of connection. Their eyes had met across the office on more than one occasion, flirtatiously so – had he read it wrong? “You have plans already tonight?”
“Mm, something like that.” She smiles, politely, picking up her DSO-branded mug and heading out of the break room without so much as a glance back.
Leon shrugs it off – he’s good at that – and places his own mug under the spout, about to make his coffee selection when a familiar voice chirps over his shoulder.
“Have you ever thought of internet dating?”
He spins round, surprised. “Claire?”
“Hi.” She waves with a smile. “So, internet dating?”
Leon’s brow furrowed, about to ask why she was here, but from the visitor lanyard around her neck it was clear it was down to some sort of TerraSafe business, but why is she going on about internet dating?
Oh.
“Wait, did you hear…?”
“The dinner invite? Oh, yes.” She nods, crossing her arms. “Does that ever work?”
“Yes.”
Claire quirks an eyebrow.
“Okay, not recently.” He retorts, turning back around and pressing the button for his black coffee to start dispensing.
“Uh-huh…” She steps forward, turns to lean against the counter to look at him. “I’m telling you, Leon - internet dating. I finally convinced Chris to give it a go about six months back, and he seems pretty happy. Been seeing a nice girl for three months now – a florist.”
Leon shakes his head, watching the coffee dispense with feigned interest. “Surprised Redfield went for it. How the hell do you introduce anyone to what we’ve seen?” At least with women from work, he didn’t have to skirt around what the hell he does all day.
“Heard of keeping work and homelife separate?”
“And Chris manages that?”
“I mean, she knows what he’s shared with her, but he took it slow. It’s not like the government can keep everything secret these days – not with everyone having a smart phone.” Claire grimaces, remembering the videos of the Alcatraz attack popping up on social media on a live stream. It was taken down pretty quick, but still popped up occasionally. They can’t hide it forever.
“Anyway, enough about Chris’ love life, I’m trying to help yours. Have you tried it? There’s websites and apps…”
Leon recalls a week of medical leave – battered, bruised and laid out on the couch on high doses of meds, flipping through the cable channels and losing hours to a show about people falling in love over the internet, only for the person to be using a fake photo of an entirely different identity and being crushed when they met in person.
“Isn’t that where the catfish are?”
Claire rolls her eyes. “We won’t set your radius that large.”
He looks down, a little confused. “My… radius?”
Leon’s not present on social media, but that’s hardly a surprise with his work. Maybe, if things had been different, he would’ve trawled through it at some point – joined a group for graduates from the Police Academy of ’98, checked in, gone to some sort of graduating class reunion where they would’ve swapped stories from precincts over a lukewarm beer or two in a hall dressed up with balloons and streamers.
Come to think of it, he doesn’t really remember the names of anyone in his graduating class, though he’s not sure if that’s down to a certain amount of knocks to the head throughout his career getting to him. He could look them up – they’ll be in some sort of database somewhere that Hunnigan could help him locate, but what would he say?
“Me? Well, I had one day on the job – hell of a first day, actually – and then I was ‘recruited’ into military training, so technically not a cop anymore either.”
“Phone, please.” Claire has moved to sit down at one of the small tables in the kitchen, now holding out her hand expectantly. He finds himself joining her, mug of coffee in one hand and the other pulling out his cell from his suit jacket pocket. He hands it over because it’s Claire and he’s known her long enough now to know she’s not going to drop the subject so easily.
“Have you got any selfies on here?”
“Don’t think so. Why?”
“To put on your profile. Anything I shouldn’t see in your gallery?”
He shakes his head.
“Seriously, Leon?” She must’ve opened the app by the way she’s scrolling down on the screen. “These are all sunsets and photos of your motorcycle.”
“What should I be picking pictures of?”
“Oh, wait… Here’s one.” She turns the phone around. It’s him, grinning, next to a corpse of a zombiefied lion. “I repeat – seriously, Leon?”
“Ha, yeah.” He smiles in acknowledgement. “I was trying to get Hunnigan interested in fieldwork with the spectacular sights.” Claire turns the phone back around and the sound of a camera shutter clicks out of the speaker.
“Ooh, that’s a good candid – and no-one needs to know what you were looking at.”
“Look, it’s nice of you to offer, but I don’t know about all this…” He rubs the back of his head.
“It’s 30 days free. Just try it and if you still don’t like it by the end of the trial, you can delete it off your phone and I won’t bring it up again.”
He stalls, taking a long sip of his coffee as he thinks. Claire means well, after all and if Chris has had luck with it, considering what Leon knows he’s seen and lived through, what does he have to lose, really?
“Fine. 30 days.”
“Great! Now, let’s set up your profile…”
--
Claire had given him a tutorial – swipe left if you’re not interested on a profile, right if you are. If the person swipes right in return, it’ll set you up as a match and you can start a conversation – signaled by a small speech bubble icon appearing on the bottom right.
It wasn’t until that evening that Leon tried it out properly, sat on his couch, killing time before bed and begins to swipe through. It feels a little odd – he usually likes to get to know a person somewhat before offering out his dinner invite, but this is mostly on looks alone, with a tiny snippet of profile information – age, location, what they’re looking for.
He swipes right on a blonde, her profile full of photos from beach vacations or something, says she’s not too far away from him and is ‘looking to connect with someone deeply.’ A chat box pops up immediately and after a moment or two, three dots show Beauty – he’s not sure that’s her real name - is typing.
Hey, big boy. What’s bigger – your forearms or… An eggplant emoji?
Oh.
He hesitates over writing back a response. He can flirt with the best of them, but how is anyone meant to make a genuine connection over this app? Maybe he’s too old for this shit.
He puts his cell down by his side and switches on the television instead.
--
“So…” Claire drawls over his shoulder over three weeks later, tracked him down to his desk.
“So…” He mocks back with a tease, swinging around in his office chair.
“Any good dates recently?”
He laughs. “How do you even get that far?”
“You’ve not gone on one?”
“Not for lack of trying.” It’s true. After Beauty, he had struck up conversation with a few more genuine girls that seemed to be going well until he’d broached the idea of a date and they’d drop off the radar. “A couple seemed interested but then stopped replying. I got one date – she didn’t show up.”
“Oh, come on.” Claire leans against his desk. “That can’t be everyone. Let me see.” There’s the expectant hand again. He sighs, picks up his phone and opens the app before handing it over to her.
She sets to scrolling through new arrivals for him, before she pauses. “Well, this one looks sweet.”
“Claire, I appreciate your concern but I just don’t think this app is for me. I gave it a go, I swear.”
“I know, but you’ve got a few days left on the free trial at least - you won’t lose anything. Just take a look?”
He takes the phone back and looks at the screen – a cropped picture of you, it looks like, your friends’ arms around your shoulders, a big, genuine smile on your face. Not a pout or a smolder in a night club mirror.
“Aw, you’re smiling.”
“Fine.” He swipes, but the message bubble doesn’t pop up. That’s the one thing he doesn’t like about this app – you never know if the other one will swipe back.
“No match.”
“Give her a moment,” Claire elbows him, playfully. “Not everyone is scrolling for dates at work.”
“Hey-”
“Speaking of, I’ve got a meeting. See you!”
--
You throw yourself down on the bed, a little bit tipsy after an evening of drinking with your friends, and hold your phone dangerously above your face – you’ve been so close to giving yourself a black eye from the drop so many times but never learn – and open up that stupid app. Your friend had encouraged you to sign up to it after declaring you’d been in a pity party for long enough now after your last break-up and it was time to get back out there.
You scroll through the latest arrivals, swiping left as you go. Everyone internet dates now, you don’t know why you only seem to attract utter creeps on it. You’d been on a few dates, but they’d all been entirely awkward outside the safety of the chat box.
You pause on one new arrival, Leon, 41, the first photo in the set clearly a candid. He’s dressed in a suit – no tie. Businessman, you wonder? Amazingly hot and maybe the most shiniest hair you’ve ever seen.
You roll over onto your stomach and swipe right, smiling when a chat bubble appears.
--
Leon had just settled into bed for the night when his phone vibrated angrily on the bedside table. He threw a hand out, blindly, and looked at the screen, half expecting it to be an email from work or a message from Hunnigan.
It’s neither – a notification from the app.
Hi, Leon. Thanks for swiping. Can I ask something?
He frowns – a unique opener, but it could still go the way of the others, he reckons. He’s not a prude, per say, but he’s seen a lot more than he was intending to these past few weeks. He backs up and has a quick scroll through your profile, vaguely recognizing your face from when he’d swiped right earlier that day – the girl Claire had deemed sweet.
Hi – ask away.
A bubble appears with three dots within.
How do you get your hair that shiny?
Leon barks out a laugh - definitely refreshing.
I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re at that stage of our relationship yet where I’m comfortable sharing my beauty secrets.
Please? Mine is so dull.
He clicks on your profile again and onto the photos but can’t see why you’re worried about your hair. Truthfully, all he registers when he looks at the picture is that sweet, genuine smile.
Looks pretty good from what I can see.
The camera adds all the shine. Are you using a filter?
Trust me when I say I wouldn’t know how.
Don’t know about filters but using a dating app? That doesn’t gel.
My friend suggested I give this online dating thing a go, so here I am.
Well, you’ll have to thank your friend for me.
Leon hesitates a moment, before shrugging it off.
I’ll be sure to, especially as it’s got me talking to you.
Your scalp tingles, but it seems nothing to do with the alcohol consumed earlier.
Too cheesy? I told you I’m new to this, right?
Nah, you’re gouda.
Leon grins.
--
The conversation continues to flow over the next few days. You talk about work – he keeps it vague, works in the government, can be called away on business trips last minute – and you are equally elusive in your response of office work. Internet safety, he reckons, smart girl that you are. Hearing his phone ping with a notification has quickly become his favourite sound.
Nice day? Definitely. Picked up my motorcycle – it’s been in the shop a while. Dare I ask what happened? He hesitates. Chasing a bioterrorist down a highway is perhaps a little too much…
Hit by a truck. I wasn’t on it - obviously.
Jeez. Insurance not just buy you a new one? I can’t think how that’s salvageable.
It’s my favourite, I couldn’t give up on her. You ever been on a motorcycle?
Uh-uh. Too scared.
What of?
Falling off, mainly.
No danger of that if you ride tandem - just need to be sure to hold on real tight.
You bite your lip, mulling over a response, but Leon fills the gap.
And I’d look after you, of course. Make a nice first date, don’t you think?
First date? That’s more, like, third or even fourth date material.
There’s your chance, Kennedy – don’t mess it up.
Well, then we better get the first date out of the way.
You bite your lip as you type back a response. Is that your way of asking?
If it is?
If it is, then I’m free Friday...
Perfect.
--
Friday morning arrives and Leon’s at his desk, typing up a report when his phone chimes. Checking over his shoulder, he pulls it out of his pocket and smiles when he sees it’s a text from you. You’d exchanged numbers the other night, deciding it time to take communication off app ahead of meeting up.
Morning. Question?
Morning. Still after my shampoo secrets?
Yes… But not that. How am I meant to recognize you?
I thought that’d be easy – by how shiny my hair is, apparently.
It’ll be dark out, though.
Is this you trying to be subtle about asking for another photo?
No comment.
Leon locks his computer, the screensaver switching to today’s date and time on a black background. He swings his desk chair around, looks around again to make sure no-one’s on their way past, and opens the camera app. He flips the viewfinder around and tries out a couple of smiles before snapping a selfie – if Claire could see him now…
He sends it through.
Included the time and date and all. Happy?
No comment.
Well, how will I recognize you?
Easy. I’ll be the one coming up to you and saying, “Hi, Leon.” See you tonight x
Until then x
--
The two of you had decided to meet at a bistro – varied menu for all tastes, not too intimate, excellent wine, spirits and craft beer menu.
Leon is nervous as he stands to the side of the entrance – an emotion he hasn’t truly entertained since 1998. There had been no time for it when bioweapons and death were staring him down the face. But, tonight… Well, he’s out of his element on this one. Leon had only ever approached women through work and, yes, it was to varying degrees of success but they’d already seen him properly in person, heard his voice, aware of what he does. There was a horrible niggle at the back of his mind that the date who had stood him up a few weeks ago had caught sight of him and turned heel on the spot.
He looks down at this watch to see it’s bang on 7.30. He’d arrived ten minutes too early, but didn’t want to chance being late and showing up in a fluster. When he looks up, slipping a hand back into his pocket, a figure with a familiar face is walking towards him, greets him with an anxious smile and an awkward half-wave.
God, you’re adorable.
“Hi, Leon.” 
“Hi,” He smiles, one hand still in his pocket, the other hanging down by his side. He wonders if he should’ve gone in for the kiss on the cheek, but he’s missed his chance.
“Erm…” You wring your hands together. “You okay?”
“Great. You?”
Why does he feel as giddy as he did when he picked up his girlfriend for prom back at high school?
“I’m good. It’s nice to put a… voice to a face?” You laugh – light and airy - and Leon’s already desperate to hear it again.
“It really is. Er, shall we?” He gestures forward with his arm.
You nod. “Let’s.”
The conversation is stagnant at first, a sentence here or there as you peruse the drinks menu and move on to ordering starters and entrees. With a little liquid courage, though, the two of you soon slip into easy conversation.
It’s just after the appetizers are cleared when Leon realizes he’s completely and utterly smitten.
You don’t even know where the time has gone, but all of the sudden the two of you are the only diners left and it’s clear the wait staff are looking for you to leave so they can begin their nightly clean down.
He follows you out and onto the sidewalk, a few metres away from the bistro entrance, standing awkwardly opposite each other – mirroring the beginning of the evening.
“So, fancy a ride?”
You tilt your head at him curiously before you burst out into laughter and he grins, rubbing the back of his head, awkwardly, as he realizes the context.
“I mean, I brought my bike here. I can give you a ride home - on my bike.”
You smile. “Not on the first date, remember?”
“Of course.” He nods. “Sticking to your principles – I respect that. Well, can I call you a cab?”
“Oh, actually, I’m gonna walk. I live just in that building over there…” You point up to an apartment building about halfway up the next block.
“I could walk you across the street?” He cringes as he realizes maybe he’s coming on too heavy-handed. “I’m sorry, I promise I can take a hint-”
“No.” You cut across abruptly. “I mean, walking me home would be nice.”
You cross the road in silence, both wrapped up in your own thoughts. You wish you lived slightly further away so you’d have longer to work out what to say, how to end the night.
“So…” Leon begins the other side of the road, the entrance to your apartment block just ahead. He’s trying to keep calm and collected, but there’s just something about you that has made his heart race, his palms sweaty. Don’t fuck this up, Kennedy. “I had a really lovely evening.”
“Me too.” You smile back – and you mean it – but you can’t help but brace yourself. Is this the part where he says, yeah, he had a nice time, but he’d rather not do it again? It seems all too good to be true. He’s the same as he was on the phone, messages and photos.
“Great…” You take a deep breath at his pause, unconsciously clenching your fists, “..cos I was wondering how you felt about a second date?”
“You’re really desperate to get me on that motorcycle, huh?” You tease, instantly relaxing. “But, seriously, I’d like that, to see you again.”
“Is tomorrow too soon?”
“That depends what you have in mind.” You stop, suddenly – the apartment foyer to your left. “This is me.”
“Well, we’ve done dinner, shall we work backwards and have lunch next?”
You take a step closer. “And then breakfast?”
“Fourth could be a midnight feast?” He steps forward too, misjudging the distance and something hard brushes against your stomach. Leon’s eyes widen in alarm. “Oh, wait, I…” He dips his hand into his trouser pocket and pulls out a travel-sized bottle of shampoo with a sheepish smile. “I meant to give you this at the end of dinner – my beauty secret.”
You yank him forward by his jacket collar and kiss him before you can even think properly about what you’re doing. You step up onto your tip toes to deepen the kiss, a hand bracing yourself against his chest for a moment before you mean to step back, maybe even apologise for pouncing on the man, but Leon’s arms wrap around your waist, holding you in place, kissing you back incessantly before you both have to retreat for breath.
“Well, if I knew the shampoo would get that reaction I would’ve started the night off with it.” He murmurs, pulling away and resting his forehead against yours. “I gotta ask though - you’ll kiss on the first date, but not ride a motorcycle?”
You shrug, half-heartedly. “One’s more dangerous than the other.”
He kisses you once more, softly, ending with a teasing nibble on your lip.
“Oh, we’ll see about that, sweetheart.” -- Masterlist . 1,000 followers event
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kaciebello · 2 months
Text
Strawberries with too many seeds
Masterlist
Luke Castellan x Hades! reader (implied, fem)
Percy Jackson x Hades! reader (platonic)
Chris Rodriguez x Hades! reader (platonic)
Summary: Percy might feel like he is messing up the whole demigod thing, but he sure feels like he has friends here.
Warning: Insults( nothing mean, just banter), no use of y/n
author note: English is not my first language so I am sorry for any mistakes beforehand. I wrote this while eating blue candy, had to get into the character somehow. Yes I know Chris is unclaimed, Luke calls him brother in bromace way. Proofread by me and me only (T▽T)
word count: 1,2k
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Percy couldn't help it. He was still feeling down about the amount of times he messed up. He, Luke, and Chris were sitting down at the Hermes table. Chris babbling something about the goddess of failure. Percy wasn't paying attention. 
“Don't worry, we’ll find something you're good at.” Turns to him Luke with a tight lip smile. Then it spreads into a grin as his eyes shift to look behind Percy. He feels a person sitting down next to him with their food. He looks up and sees the Hades girl he met the other day.
“Hello, my little gremlins!” She says with a smile. Percy doesn't have time to react, well not before Chris does.
“Gremlins is crazy.” He says pointing his fork at her. She just chuckles and picks up her fork.
The older boys continue to eat. Percy looks at her a bit confused. From what he learned, claimed kids are supposed to eat at their parents' table. He found the system kinda of dumb, if he wanted to eat with Athena’s kids, he should be able to. Not that he had anyone particular in mind.
“Aren't you supposed to sit at your table?” He asks her confused. She stops in the middle of her bite. She looks at him for a second before returning to her food.
“No cabin, no table.” She says. Percy now remembers that she mentioned that her father does not have a throne on Olympus and, therefore no cabin. It makes sense not to have a table either. He thought he could hear Chris whisper ‘No face, no case’ before Luke slapped his brother on the back of his head. The girl just gives them a side eye and turns to Percy again.
“What are you drinking?” She motions to his drink.
“Cherry cola.” He says
“Why is it blue?”
“ Daamn girl, you can't judge a soda by its color!” Chris says, making a fake gasp and clutching his heart. She just rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Chris receives a slap on his shoulder from Luke.
“Ignore him, Percy.  Chris is just a moron.” She says with a smile.
“I am your brother-in-law to-be!” Defens Chris, leaning over the table to jab his finger in her shoulder. Percy notices a blush on Luke's face before he clears his throat and looks away for a second. The girl just shakes her head and pushes the boy away. An argument breaks out between those two. Percy could swear that he heard a few very creative insults. He looks at Luke who just shakes his head and continues to eat. Percy follows his lead. 
“Sweets, do you want my starberries?” Ask Luke, making the two stop fighting. They both turn to him. 
“Oh yes my darling, thank you.” Answers him Chris and reaches for the few strawberries Luke has set aside while eating. Luke just frowns at him slapping his hand away, pushing his plate to the girl. Chris whines and holds his hand in a very fake hurt-like state. The girl just shakes her head and pushes Luke's plate back. He just gives her a face with a giant question mark on it. She just looks at him dead in the eye.
“I don't think taking a fruit with many seeds from a man is something I should do.” She says and Luke's eyes widen. He gives the thought a second before rolling his eyes.
“I do not want to kidnap you into my secret hideout,” He says not looking into her eyes. 
“Aw, what a shame.” She says teasingly and Luke's head snaps to her. Chris and Percy just laugh.
“Shouldn’t Persephone’s kids worry about that more?” Asks Percy genuinely curious about what other superstitions should he be worried about. He knows that Annabeth does not like spiders because Athena cursed Arachne. Now this. 
“Great question! Let us ask my stepsiblings!” She says and jumps up. She looked around before sitting down.
“That's right, Persephone does not have mortal children.” She explains to Percy. He just lets out a little ah and goes back to eating. Well, more like pushing the food around his plate since he felt embarrassed.
“It's fine Percy, nobody expects you to know who has children and who does not. And it gets tricky when even the maiden goddesses have mortal children, Athena for example.” She says with a kind tone.
“You’ll get the hang of it.” Tells him, Luke, trying to cheer up the younger boy. Percy just nods at his older friends. He hopes to be as skilled as those two one day. The two look at each other with a warm smile. Percy could see the love in their eyes. His mom had the same look when she talked about his dad. He just hopes these two have a happier ending than them. A gaging sound can be heard from one of the chairs. All of them turn to look at Chris, who is pretending to vomit violently.
“ Nurse, please I am feeling a bit sick, all this sweetness makes me wanna puke,” Chris says, clutching to his stomach pretending to be sick.
“I will stuff gauze down your throat if you don't stop” She threatens, going back to their banter. Luke just shakes his head at them and turns to Percy.
“Come on, we need to throw the rest into the bonfire.” Says Luke and the other two get up without another word. Percy wants to ask why, but it is like he could read his face.
“Offering to the gods, they like the smell.” He manages to finish. Percy gives him another confused look so Chris clarifies.
“They like the smell of begging.” He stops and looks at the girl. “ Just as much as she likes the sound it.” He finishes, very proud of his jab. The girl just narrows her eyes and goes to stand in the line. Percy swears he could hear ‘I will bite your head off’ but it was mostly covered by the amused sound Crish made after.
“ Excuse them, Percy, they grew up together, got here together. They have always been like that. You should have seen them when they shared a cabin. It was a nightmare.” Lukes says and follows the two, Percy close behind him.
“Okay little praying mantis, Luke you must be careful. You never know, you might lose your head.” Turns to them Chris and throws the rest of the food to the fire.
“ Have you hurt your head?” She asks before shaking her head.” Why am I even asking, I heard you slam your head on the upper bunk bed the other night.” Chris stops in his tracks and narrows his eyes at her.
“ Why were you in the Hermes cabin?” He asks and she just shrugs and looks away. Percy could see that Luke had gone red once again.
“ I was with Luke, why else Einstein.” She says walking away from all of them. Chris is hot on her toes.  Luke just looks at his feet before placing his hand on Percy's shoulder making him follow those two.
“YOU HAVE A WHOLE ROOM!” Yells Chris making big hand gestures to the girl who looks bored with whatever he is saying. Luke patted his back.
“Welcome to the family kid.” He says before lightly jogging to the older campers and delivering a slap on the back of the head to his brother.
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