#clappignnad running around in cirlces whee whee discussion

[animalinvestigator]

sending another ask in response because the reply function does Not anticipate my wordiness!!! always fine to post me publicly usually btw and if not ill try to say so ^_^

BUT yeah i rlly rlly like the message of change not always needing to be bad i used to be so so so scared of and anti-change all the time and like. its a good message.

though i was also considering earlier today that for mike’s death, whatever it may be (i dont think its important to actually figure it out with what specificallt happened for this), maybe it was a lack of change that lead to his death? like rainer said, you can never have mike a back so i was thinking maybe mike’s family was trying to act like nothing changed, its still mike a and refusinf to address it and lead to his death in some way. and this could fuel rainer’s resentment for the family (fuck you all and fuck me as well, u get the idea) and kind of further cements to him his very negative views and also why he specificallt mentioned theres a better chance of helping care b or nlm. jus smth i was thinking abt!

(also was trying to decide how to think abt the lines from scop 3 if u have any thoughts! not far in my own thinking abt it though: “When you find her room, the passage to my right will lead to her.She'll appear from the darkness, limping, and I'll shoot her in the head.” my thinking is the first ‘her’, at least, is lina because there Is a passage to the right in her room in the library and also it does say “You found her” b4 said room which seems telling. was thinking POSSIBLY the second half of the quote is referring to paul/care MMMMAYBE showing up in the ensuing rooms to the right as he is walking around in game in the dark? but could maybe have a double or different meaning with that latter half of the quote idk lol. its not like an especially super important specific part i dont think? but i find it interesting)

put this under the cut cos it got long ^o^ lots to talk abou there!!!!

definitely! i feel like "being unwilling to make meaningful change" seems to be at the heart of a lot of the horrible failures to protect vulnerable parties that define the mark hammond leskowitz family tree. theres a malignancy in the family that it takes 10000 tragedies for the other parties to address, and i think its pretty clear to me that a lot of rainer's resentment comes from that inaction. he pretty clearly feels like the family has failed, and i think their biggest failure is willful ignorance and unwillingness to change until it's way too late. The "if you think they're worth the effort" in care a's description just kind of oozes with that specific kind of resentment-- like 'since you didn't seem to care at all when it happened to mike' kind of thing. so TLDR i took a very similar thing away from it! i dont think we need to know exactly what happened to know that whatever happened, rainer feels like mike was failed somehow. i could spend about 200 years talking about rainer but i wont. Actually im going to write another paragraph talking about him right now so i just lied. the note in cares room is one of the densest pieces of writing in the entire series and theres 100000 things i could say about it. WRT to the line you pointed out specifically, i definitely think that line in particular is talking about lina as well !!! because the passageway in her room is exactly where it describes, paralell to the child library text, etc etc etc. the latter half of the quote could be referring to pretty much anyone. personally i read it as a continuation of the thought about lina becuase the mention of her limping is consistent with his constant drawing paralells between her and mike's dog who specifically broke its leg, but i definitely don't think it's a stretch at all to say its talking about care because the same paralells are drawn between HER and the dog as well and because she is the character that he talks about "pulling out of the darkness" in addition to the thing you pointed out about her wandering in the literlaly dark gameworld (see care b text below)

it could go either way, i definitely don't think defining specifically who it is changes his intent much, but its interesting to try to dissect what exactly he meant by this, espescially because its so like cynical and hopeless. the fact that the portions where he's talking about lina and the portions where he's talking about care kind of blend together into the same thought are pretty telling in and of themself, too.

lots of dubiousness with that particular chunk of writing because i think a lot of his intent behind it cant really be determined unless we know where along the timeline it is -- it almost definitely was written after care got home from the school, but thats a bit antagonistic to rainer's loose attitude of hope towards helping her at the time. ive had a lot of heated discussions on the subject of timeline stuff relating to this piece and i dont think there's really any way to determine, but its definitely really interesting either way n_n