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moonstruck-writing · 10 months ago

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Phases of the Moon [Clavis Lelouch x OC ]

Title: Phases of the Moon Pairing: Clavis Lelouch x OC | Ikemen Prince Rating: Explicit CWs: Hurt/Comfort, established relationship, body insecurities, angst and reassurance, fluff, body worship, OC (self-insert), she/her pronouns, afab, leg worship, breast worship. Summary: Clavis wants to shower his lover’s body with more affection than ever before. Until her insecurities melt and wash away. Word count: 4.1k A/N: this was inspired by a certain selfsert self-love challenge (Learning How to Love Myself 💜) but it turned out to be too spicy for it 🙈 I’m happy with the result though, and I think we could benefit from having some more love for our bodies 💖

She rummaged through her drawers, a few water droplets sliding down her neck.

“I swear they were here before I left to take a bath!” She screamed in frustration, knowing exactly what was going on. Her memory wasn’t playing tricks on her, no. The one playing tricks was someone she knew very well. “Clavis!”

The door to her room opened promptly, and the prince swiftly entered with a wide smile on his face.

“Did you call for me, my dear?” He approached her with elegant steps until the sight of his lover in a bathrobe started testing his gentlemanliness.

“I keep telling you to stop playing with my lock!” She looked angrily at him, and even if he had unlocked it a million times by then, this time, it seemed different. “Where are my petticoats, huh?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He gave her his characteristic charismatic smile, but she grimaced in return. Oh, he was finding new nuances in her expressions, it had been a lovely idea indeed. “I do know, though, that your nightgowns are still where you left them.”

She narrowed her eyes, feeling her anger bubbling inside. However, there was a bigger feeling than that inside of her, and it urged her to quickly take one of her nightgowns, and a light robe, before she walked to the ensuite bathroom.

“Where are you going? You can change here.” Clavis stopped her as she was going through the threshold. She turned back and squinted at him again. “I promise I won’t look.”

“You are terrible.” She spat the words as she brought the clean clothes closer to her as if to act as a barrier. Somehow, she was starting to feel exposed in that bathrobe, too. “You are lucky I haven’t kicked you out yet.”

“Hahaha! Oh, I am lucky to have such a passionate partner.” Clavis' cheerful voice reverberated inside the room as she closed the bathroom door with a slam.

She got changed quickly, in fear that Clavis would do something else in her absence. He wouldn’t steal any more clothes, would he? When she realised what nightgown she had taken, she felt a numbing sensation spreading through her limbs. Why had that sheer nightgown, one she always buried deep beneath all her other clothes, been there, ready for her to pick it up?

She looked in the mirror, observing her small breasts and the darker skin of her nipples. It was all so visible, it was almost like she wasn’t wearing anything. The fabric was thin and almost transparent, only a light purple colour adorning her skin. It was nothing like the petticoats she usually wore, whose fabric was sturdy and opaque; or like the padded nightgowns she sometimes wore. She sighed as she tied the belt of the night robe, trying to secure the area of the cleavage. At least the robe did a good job of concealing her shape.

She turned around, looking at her reflection. The clothes were light and short, ending mid-thigh, revealing her legs. She was sure that whatever Clavis had been planning by stealing her petticoats, would be forgotten as soon as he saw her legs.

When she left the bathroom, Clavis was standing next to the window with the lights off.

“What are you doing?” She approached him slowly, but he didn’t turn around.

“Admiring how beautiful the moon is tonight.” The pale light coming from outside gave Clavis’ face an eerie look.

“Is it a full moon?” She peeked through the open curtains, curious about why he seemed so fascinated tonight.

“No. But the moon is beautiful in all her shapes, don’t you think?” He turned to look at her and brought a gloved hand to her hair, putting some strands behind her ear.

The gesture was natural, easy and gentle, and she felt the tension melt away from her shoulders. She pressed a hand to his chest, grabbing the lapels of his jacket. His arms surrounded her waist, bringing her flush against his body, and she took pleasure in the sensation of his lean and strong frame pressing against her.

His smile was smaller now, but the sparkle in his eyes sent a shiver down her spine. He was looking at her with a mix of mischief, adoration and pride. Or perhaps it was cocky confidence. What she didn’t see, however, was the look on her own face. Her lips parted in anticipation and her unblinking eyes told him she remembered all those other nights, and she wanted more of that.

He also wanted more, but a bit different.

The kiss was slow, just a few chaste pecks to begin with, and then their mouths opened and closed around each other, tasting, caressing, playing. Clavis brought his hands to her hips and lightly pressed her back, guiding her to the bed. She got on first, her clothes riding up her thighs. Clavis took off his shoes, soon joining her and hovering over her frame.

He kissed her neck as a gloved hand trailed up her thigh, to which she opened her legs a bit more. He accommodated between them, but suddenly hugged her back and pulled her up, to make her straddle him.

She surrounded his neck with her arms and kissed him, teasing him with little licks and bites around his lips. Until she felt something tugging at her waist.

“What the…” She pulled away, looking down to see Clavis trying to undo the knot on her belt. She took his hands and guided them to her bare legs, squeezing through his hands. But as soon as she let go to wrap her arms around him, she felt the pressure leave her thighs. “Clavis.” She stopped his hands on her belt once more.

“What?” His voice was a mere whisper, short enough to prevent her from hearing any specific meaning in that word.

“You don’t need to undo my gown to touch my legs.” She spoke in haste, her heartbeat pulsing in her ears.

“I know.” The calmness in his tone only fuelled her anxiety.

“Then, what are you doing?” There was a harshness in the edge of that question, making her voice sound fuller and more confident than she felt.

“What does it look like to you?” He offered her a cheeky smile and travelled his eyes from hers to her cleavage, and back up again.

“No.” The word fell from her lips, frail and breathless. She wasn’t sure if the already forming knot inside her throat had allowed it to be heard. But when Clavis echoed her answer with a questioning “No?”, something emerged from the pit of her stomach, like a self-protective instinct. “No,” she said once more, but she felt as if she was hearing someone else saying it.

He kissed down her neck until he nuzzled his nose against her breast, and the contact made her come back to her body, and she pushed him away at once.

“Clavis I don’t want this.” She moved away from him, getting off his lap. She looked down, her hair casting shadows on her face. He was regretting now his choice to turn the lights off. He couldn’t make out what expression she had on. “Do you… not like my legs anymore?”

It wasn’t the question, but the way she had asked. Her voice had been a strangled whisper, and anyone would know she had tears in her eyes.

“I do!” He reached for her instinctively, but the way she flinched before he could touch her, made him freeze. “Of course I do, I love your legs.”

She nodded, her face still cast down. She tried to control the frenetic rhythm of her heart, but she was too focused on clenching her jaw and lips to prevent any trembling.

“Bunny, I…” He softly placed a clothed hand on her ankle, but the strangled sob that broke from her throat prevented him from saying anything else.

“Can you leave?”

He exhaled, trying to find the words that would help her, calm her, show her whatever she thought was not how he felt about her.

“Please, leave me alone.”

The rejection felt brutal. Clavis didn’t know where her pain ended and where started his. All he knew was this was probably the worst plan he had ever had.

When she heard the door close, she finally moved enough to get under the sheets.

She felt so tiny and so worthless. Like a defective doll that would never satisfy the desire of anyone. Like she’d never even ignite anything.

She then heard a metallic sound and sat up to see nothing but still shadows. Clavis had probably locked her door from the outside. Her face scrunched in a tearless grimace.

She knew he loved her. She knew. He treated her well — when he wasn’t trying to make her hate him — and he respected her. He had stopped. He had left. It was all things she had asked him to do. But somehow, she couldn’t believe his words.

She liked her legs, but only in comparison to other parts of her body. She knew they didn’t measure against the smooth and perfect legs of other women. He liked her legs, but would he like the legs of another woman more than hers? Did he go crazy when he saw her naked legs, or was it just the thing he had to settle for?

She felt a lonely tear rolling down her temple, dampening her hair and the shell of her ear.

The hate she had for her body wasn’t loud. It was a quiet whisper that she could ignore most of the time, but that voice never left. When the world around her was silent enough, she’d realise how bad that voice truly was.

She had been trying to make up for her insecurities with pretence. She had been relieved when she learnt that Clavis was more of a thigh guy. But that didn’t mean she felt confident or good enough in her body. Yes, she had been able to distract him from her chest until that night. But she’d never be able to distract herself from the dull pain she carried deep inside.

Clavis sat down on the sofa of the parlour room he had made his own. He couldn’t remember if she had ever been that upset before. He couldn’t believe out of all his traps, this was the one that had backfired the most. It had been so simple, yet it had miserably failed.

But he would not give up.

** ** **

She squirmed on the bed, trying to get away with no success.

“Where do you think you’re going, bunny?” He grabbed her thighs tighter, pulling her slightly down the mattress. “I’m not done yet.” Clavis dragged a gloved finger up and down her thigh softly, eliciting a shiver from her.

He had been lavishing her legs in affection, planting chaste kisses wherever he saw fit—which was everywhere—and she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. It wasn’t unusual for him to pepper her legs with kisses and love bites, but typically it only lasted for a little while. This time, she was starting to believe that it was going to be the foreplay, and the main course and the dessert, too.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Clavis emerged from between her legs, looking up at her face. “How much I love your legs.” He dived down to her skin and dragged his teeth along her inner thighs. She wriggled a little, making one of the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. He chuckled with delight, and before she could catch her breath, he growled against her skin. He opened his mouth wide and bit down, licking the patch of skin he had enclosed.

And then he heard the sob.

Clavis immediately let go, getting up from his position to get a look at her face.

“Did I hurt you?” He looked down at her skin, scared to find blood. Had he let himself go too much? But her skin looked fine… Clavis looked at her face again, but her hands covered it completely. “Bunny, I am so sorry, what did I do? I didn’t know you weren’t enjoying it, I…” He trailed off, panicking.

“It’s not that.” Her voice was muffled by her hands, but it managed to calm his fears. He crawled on the bed, moving to sit down next to her prostrated form. He could see her chest moving up and down, even if no sounds were coming from her.

“Can I touch you?” He asked, hurting. He didn’t need to see her tear-stained face to feel the pain in his bones. “Please, you can say no. But if you’re okay with it, give me a sign?”

A new sob, louder this time, broke from her chest as he saw her nod.

His hands made their way between her body and the bed, and he slowly sat her up, bringing her into a tight hug. He rubbed gentle circles on her back, and even if her crying got more intense at first, she calmed down after a few minutes.

She finally pulled her hands down and looked him in the face, sniffling. He kissed her forehead and wet cheeks, massaging the back of her neck with deft fingers.

“I’m sorry,” she said. He frowned but didn’t dare interrupt. “I think I…” She looked away, her nostrils flaring up. “Hate my body.”

The words were a punch to his stomach. He had his suspicions, but hearing her speaking the words was a different thing.

“I thought I only hated my chest, but I don’t think there’s anything I’m truly proud of.”

Clavis looked away from her eyes, swallowing hard. He had noticed, how she always managed to drive him away from her breasts. He had thought, however, that she had been simply shy. He saw now, how insensitive his plan had been. How it had driven her into a corner.

“I am sorry. About yesterday.” He looked at her, speaking the words quietly. She only pressed down her lips into a small smile, but it didn’t satisfy him at all. “I can listen, if you want to talk.” The words tasted unsure in his mouth, but it was the only thing he could manage for now. What hid in his heart was a silent plea: please teach me how not to hurt you.

“I mean, there’s not much to say. It’s unavoidable.” She pointed to her chest area with her hands. “It’s always been pretty apparent, how small and undesirable they are.”

“Uh, no.” Clavis grabbed one of her hands and pressed it down to her lips. “I won’t be hearing lies.” The frown that had creased his face relaxed now into a gentle gaze directed at her. “They are small, that is a fact, just how your hair is brown and wavy, or there is a mole right here under your lip.” He guided her own finger towards it and she couldn’t help but look at Clavis’ mole in turn. “But if you ask me, dear, it is pretty apparent how delicious they are, just like the rest of you.”

She could understand that people were made differently. Brown hair was no worse or better than blond hair, and so with any other choices that genetics had made to build her body. However, there was an insistent outside voice that kept screaming inside of her.

“But if they were bigger…” She started saying, unsure of how she was going to end the question, and whether she wanted to hear an answer at all.

“Then it wouldn’t be you. It wouldn’t be the most precious, most exciting woman that ever graced planet E—”

“But I feel lesser,” she interrupted. The compliments felt inflated, like she’d never be able to recognise herself in them. She knew they were true in Clavis’ eyes, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept them. Not when the story the world had been telling about her was different. “I don’t feel feminine, or like how a woman is supposed to be.” She pushed through the knot forming on her throat. “I mean, can you even call this having boobs? They aren’t even enough to—”

“You are,” he interrupted, the hand that had been resting at her waist, now caressing her cheek and making her look at him. “The most attractive, fascinating, absolutely charming woman I have ever had the pleasure to entertain, and the only one I’ll ever call mine.” He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her skin like a gentleman. “And I swear, these…” He motioned to her chest. “Drive me wild every single day. You have no idea how much they fill my mind with the craziest fantasies, along with the memories of the rest of your body. But do you know what? It is you, your soul, your spirit, that fills my heart with the most intense mix of pleasure.”

His honest and insistent words were starting to dig a hole in the walls the lies had built around her. He gently caressed her knuckles, and she exhaled, her shoulders relaxing down.

“And I can assure you, if ever comes the day when I have the pleasure to see you completely naked, that it will be better than anything I have imagined, and let me tell you, I have a marvellous imagination.” The big smile on his face made her roll her eyes, but a small chuckle broke from her.

“And if you decide you don’t want to share that part of your body with me,” he continued, this time his face serious. “It will make me incredibly sad, but I promise, it won’t change anything.” He searched her eyes, trying to find proof that she was not only listening but that her heart was properly understanding his words, too. “I’ll love you the same, because with you, I have no regrets.” He smiled again, a soft, barely visible smile this time. It was a smile that melted her heart towards his. “I don’t want anything that isn’t you.” He gave her nose a playful and soft tap with his finger, and there was something in her eyes that told him maybe this time, his plan was working.

She lurched forward, hiding her face in the crook of his neck. He held her tightly in his arms, and their breathing naturally relaxed and adjusted to match. Inhaling and exhaling at the same time, Clavis was sure their hearts were also beating in unison.

“Did the growling… scare you?” He suddenly asked, reviewing all the occurrences of the day. “Did anything I did today, or any other day, ever, disgust you?”

“The growling was unexpected.” She laughed shortly, but Clavis had never been so grateful to hear it and feel it against his body. “I kind of… really liked it.” Her face flushed and she pressed harder against his shoulder. “It was cathartic.”

“How so?” He hummed, securing his arms around her waist. She traced some idle forms on his chest while thinking. Then, she pulled away slightly, enough to be able to look him in the eye, but close enough to stay in his embrace.

“I think it was…hearing how much you were enjoying it, that made me feel your desire, past all the shameful thoughts inside my head. And then the tears just gushed out.” Her embarrassment made her gaze fidgety.

He pressed a kiss to the corner of her lips. When he pulled away, his eyes sparkled.

“I will override every thought, every lie, every look, every opinion. I will love you so much, with such ferocity, you won’t be able to doubt your beauty anymore. You, me, and our love will be the only thing that matters.” He announced, in the same manner in which he announced his ridiculous pranks and plans that ended up coming to life exactly as he described them. She found herself believing him, not just wanting to. Maybe that was Clavis’ magic, she thought.

But like he had taught her before, the best plans are the ones that start right away.

“Do you think… you could growl some more if you see me in that purple nightgown?” She timidly asked, looking away.

“Just the nightgown?” He whispered in a conspiratorial fashion.

“Just the nightgown. No robe on top.” She smiled nervously, feeling the itch of regret already crawling through her nape.

“Haha! Of course I can, I like a woman not afraid to ask for what she needs.” He winked, and she felt like he had said those same words to her before.

The big smile he offered her was brief, before he jumped forward to kiss her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her lips, her chin, and all of her face. She laughed, being reminded of a puppy wagging its tail.

When he let go, she got up to her wardrobe and picked up the same nightgown as the day before, but this time on purpose. No robe.

“You can get changed here. I promise I won’t look until you tell me to.” He said while standing up from the bed.

In any other circumstance, she wouldn’t have believed his words. But she could tell how serious he was about protecting her feelings. She rushed back to his side and gave him a quick hug.

“Okay, then turn around.” She pulled away and waited for him to turn around and cover his eyes with his hands. After turning around herself, she took off her clothes. Then, she slid the delicate nightgown on and took a few breaths while looking down at her chest. “You can look now.” She said before she had time to regret it.

She heard a rustling sound, meaning Clavis had turned around, and some piece of fabric falling to the ground, but she didn’t find it in her to turn around and face him. She was still afraid of the face he could make. But before she could entertain any bad fantasies in her head, Clavis pressed against her back and enclosed her in his arms.

They stayed like that for a while, him breathing into her neck, creating goosebumps on her skin.

“Is this okay?” He slowly inched his bare hands from her waist up to her ribcage. She nodded against him, and his fingertips gently caressed the swell of her breasts, until his skin brushed against her nipples through the nightgown. He moaned into his shoulder as an electric jolt ran through her. She grabbed onto his shoulder and his arm, trying to ground herself, and he drove his hips into her. The twitching stiffness that was forming in his pants melted some of the fear that had been oppressing her throat.

“You’re so beautiful and sexy,” Clavis panted into her ear as he twirled his fingers around her soft buds. He kissed her neck, licking her skin as he massaged her chest. “Can I…” He was interrupted by her pressing her ass against his hardness, and a grunt tore from his throat. He flicked her now tightening nipples and he heard her gasp. “I’m enjoying this too much,” he started, rubbing the tent inside his trousers against her. “But will you turn around for me?”

When she twirled inside his arms, the look on his face made her knees weak. He stared at her with half-lidded eyes and parted lips, and she wasn’t sure if his lips were glistening because of the wet kisses he had been giving her neck, or because he was drooling.

The moment he lowered his eyes to her breasts, his mouth slackened and something halfway between a shaky exhale and a growl left his lips. Her heart fluttered, raw and vulnerable. When he looked at her eyes again, his nostrils flared and she felt his chest heaving.

“I love you,” he managed to say with the last remnants of rationale that the rush of blood through his body was allowing him. “And I’m so sorry you felt like you had to hide this treasure from me.” He twirled his thumbs over her mounds. “Because that’s what they are. A fucking treasure. And it will be my delight to devour them.” He leaned down and growled as he licked a stripe down her sternum.

Then, he picked her up and carried her to the bed, where only the sheets were witness to the first night of many that would slowly but surely undo her fears, salve her insecurities, heal the wounds in her subconscious and fill her with a love so pure and raw that it overflew everything she could’ve ever dreamed of.

A/N: *me before writing the fic*: oh well this is just a tiny insecurity that I have almost overcome! This will be fun!

*me writing the fic*: fuck. It’s worse than I thought. I’m not crying, you’re crying :C

Also I literally wrote this fic in two (2) days ?! And then spent like a month re-reading it lol I hope you like it and enjoy it as much as I do <3

Interactions, tags and comments mean a whole lot and they help me keep writing! Anon feedback is also welcome.

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