#cloyingblccd

[erudieti]

for  @cloyingblccd,  esme  &  robin  &  the  rabbithole.

“  you  work  at  the  lamb  &  flag,  right  ?  ”  esme's  voice  surprises  herself  when  she  hears  it  –  light  and  curious  and  almost  entirely  different  than  usual.  the  red  lights  and  the  alcohol  coursing  through  her  veins  seem  to  be  doing  their  job,  a  few  vodka  crans  making  her  feel  like  she  could  take  on  the  world  (  or,  alternatively,  the  cool  server  from  the  lamb  &  flag  ).  esme  can  feel  herself  losing  steam  quickly,  though,  remembering  she  has  friends  …  somewhere  or  other  –  that's  fine,  she  can  make  more,  right  (  sober  esme  will  have  something  to  say  about  that  )  ?  “  um,  i'm  esme,  you've  served  me,  just  –  wanted  to  tell  you  you're  really  cool.  i  forget  to  tell  you  every  time  i  see  you.  ”  no  she  doesn't,  she  just  gets  scared.

[rhythmicals]

ritu  has  been  through  her  fair  share  of  embarrassing  moments  during  her  time  at  palladian  —  like  the  time  she  said  i  love  you  to  her  professor  instead  of  a  more  appropriate  thank  you,  or  when  she  walked  into  the  glass  doors  at  the  solarium  in  front  of  a  whole  group  of  prospective  students.  really,  her  whole  life  has  been  a  highlight  reel  of  cringe-worthy  moments  befitting  an  awkward  coming-of-age  comedy.  but  despite  it  all,  soren  fucking  thompson  simulating  penetration  with  his  hands  in  front  of  a  cute  guy  she  actually  quite  fancies  —  she  has  eyes,  okay,  sue  her  —  still  makes  it  to  the  top  ten  worst  moments  of  her  life.  "  what  the  fuck  —  "  she  says,  blinking  like  the  sheer  force  of  will  might  be  enough  to  rewind  the  situation  and  start  over.  when  that  doesn't  work,  she  makes  a  mental  note  to  graffiti  soren's  number  in  one  of  the  bathroom  stalls  at  the  lamb  and  flag  as  revenge:  this  freak  will  do  anything  you  want! 

the  awkward  silence  that  ensues  makes  her  want  to  shrivel  up  and  die  –  for  a  brief,  fleeting  moment,  she  considers  full  on  sprinting  away  into  the  night,  never  to  be  seen  again  –  but  then  the  sound  of  his  laughter,  big  and  booming  and  so  very  warm,  is  enough  to  put  her  at  ease again,  a  silly  grin  spreading  across  her  own  face.  “ obviously i would.  though  i  think  being  an  eye  candy  magician's  assistant  is  more  your  calling. " 

It was embarrassing, how much effort Zak had put in, desiring Ritu's attention but running out of means to keep it. It’d been going on for the last 20 minutes at least, and by this point, there were really no more card tricks in the world to present to her. None on their level, considering they couldn't even pull off the easiest of them, all falling out of his favour. They’d never been good at it in the first place, let alone when they were on the brink of needing to squeeze an eye closed just to see her individually. They weren’t at that level yet, hesitating to reach for the second joint they had tucked in their pocket - even pausing before continuing with the drink they’d been given once they’d first entered the party. It looked like sewage and tasted like someone mixed lightning with Kool-Aid. “Shit.” They weren’t sure what the opposite of Eight of Clubs was - King of Diamonds felt like it could be a contender though.

“You think I’m pretty?” They asked, the same time Soren chose that moment to come bursting back into their atmosphere, holding a bong piece the same height as him. “Ritu - where have you been -?” Pausing, megawatt smile on his face that only widened when he took in the sight in front of him. It wasn’t a particularly intimate scene, but it didn’t stop Soren from flashing Ritu a giant thumbs up with a wild nod, before Zak glanced at him over their shoulder. They would have given Soren a proper greeting, but they didn’t know him well and truthfully, couldn’t remember what his name was. “Nevermind! Have fun kids!” He finally imparted, dipping around them and behind Ritu - before flashing Zak a familiar encouraging smile. Followed by an obnoxiously lude gesture of dipping his index finger between a circle created with his other hand, barbarically tall bong piece pressed between his knees so he could carry out the motion. “Um -,” Doing a quick double take, when Zak finally turned back to Ritu, their cheeks were flushed - a noticeable amount. Left a bit stunned, staring instead of actually saying anything, before finally bursting into somewhat hysterical but still delicate chuckles. “Yeah, think I need to give up the life of magic.” They mumbled, swallowing down the last gulp of their drink forcefully. “You’re not bad, though. As an audience member, I mean. If I ever torture myself with trying it out again would you go on the road with me?”

[ex3rtion]

𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗱       :   dakota     &     soren     ( @cloyingblccd ) !

𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿:   1:32pm.

𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:  the student forum.

*        ❪         🎱            ❫        :    𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆   𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵   𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺   𝘁𝗵𝗲   𝗱𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗵𝘀    𝗼𝗳   𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗲𝗻'𝘀   𝗴𝘂𝘁   𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁   𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲   𝗮   𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗿𝗲𝘁   𝗵𝗲   shouldn't   of   been  afforded.  currency   that   made   him   feel   rich   on   a   night   he   felt the poorest.   a   mixed bag as an   ambivert,   either   retaining   energy   from   those   around   or   having   it   be   completely   depleted   by   all   the   noises,   the   touches,   the   smells.  cheap   mint,   eucalyptus   and   chilled   pine   if   dakota  left himself   to bask   in   the details of that night. the   jingle   of   keys   closing   in   as   he   thought   last   minute   to   take   the   fall.   the school wouldn't   think   twice   about   someone   like   him   making their way   back   a   little   later   than   most.   ' still   finding   my   way   around, ' dakota had stated   with   a   bemused   smile.   already   there   from   the   way   he'd   left   soren   without   a   number   to   take   home   as   a   relic.   he'd   left   the older man   wondering.   took   his   own   words   and   used   it   against   him.  ' keepin   it   a   mystery   is   half   the   fun,   right?   you'll   find   me   when   you   need   to. '  and   off   he   went,   letting    flashlights   cloak   him   in   warmth   as   campus security   escorted   him   back   to   his   dorm. losing one of your sense  never   amplified   it.  no.  there's   no   untapped power   that comes   with such   adversity.   you   train   your   brain   to   focus   on   it   more.   really   hone   in   on   things   you   once took   for   granted.   that   could   be   taken   from   you   within   a split   second.   dakota had been   content   with   the intensity of it all.    the   way   soren had  clung   onto   him   like   a   second   skin. flinches like a   livewire proof of physical mistrust, dismissed by    the    throttle  of a beating heart  beneath   layers   of   cotton. feeling   welcome   as   the   southern   accent   that wove    itself between  soren's words,   taking   a   mental   note   to   question   that   later.   a   private   investigator   in   the   life   of   someone   absolutely   no   one   was   paying   him   to   look into.  he   had   told   soren   a   crucial   part   of   his   own life.   revealing    an   event   that   he'd   planned   months   ago,  langston   once   holding   the   brunt   of   kota's many student protests,   and  passing along   the   torch   to   palladian   like   a   round   in   the   olympics.

the  crowd's expansion  is   captured   in   real   time by a sea of phones that record. some to post on @DIRTYDOGS_OFFICIAL and others for mere entertainment, especially now,  dakota   grasping   a   megaphone   in   his   hand    as    he's  suddenly  being    thrust   upon   layers   of   brick.   chastised   by   a student that dismisses the cause with a scowl and shout to '' get the hell out the way! .'' kota's   clutching   the   white   cane   folded   up   in   his   other hand, palms high   as   campus   security   shows up, pointing   at   his   peers   with   a   warning   to   tone   it   down.   ❝ hey, woah, we got every right to be here. we were doing fine before this. ❞  he's   tugging   out   a   paper   slip   and   holding   in   the   air. a   letter   of   permission   for   this   demonstration   to   happen   ( forged of course, his penmen ship wasn't without its advantages ) out   on   the   lawn.   lavender   in attendance, raises   her   snout   up   to   sniff   at   the   man still standing chest to chest with her handler,   before   snorting   out   a   few   wads   of   spittle,   rousing   laughter   that   security   uses   to   move   the pair   apart. the irate hikes away with a scowl,   earning   cheers   and   sponsors   who   walk   up   to   the   table.   signing   up   for   whatever   caused   had   been   fought   for   this   time. the   megaphone   in   dakota's   grasp   is   still in   the   air   as   he   twirls   around,   feeling   a   thud   and hearing   a   sharp   fuck!   rattle   his   ears.   quickly   dropping   it   in   the   grass,   he   raises   his   hands   up   with   a   shocked, ❝ oh, shit are you alright !? why are you standin' so close ! you see what i have in my hands ! ❞  not   that   he   meant   to   put   the   blame   on   the   innocent,   but  he's   assuming   it's   his   social   media   personnel.   a   broader   and   much   taller   woman   that   usually   takes   close   up   shots   when   he's   not   aware.   it's   for   the   candid   moments!  she'd reply each time.  a defense he's   once again ready   to   lecture   her   about,   free   hand   raising   up   to   cup  her   cheekbone   in   equal   apology.

[pclarcld]

LOCATION: st. cuthbert’s library WITH: junie bacalso-coughlan @cloyingblccd

of  course  palladian  being  an  art  school,  there  wasn't  a  shock  when  every  course  and  every  book  within  the  university  had  a  specialization  in  arts.  it  was  as  if  every  word  edged  into  the  spine  of  the  books  were  there  to  taunt  him.  bash  wouldn't  say  he  was  incapable  of  being  creative,  but  it  was  definitely  out  of  his  comfort-zone.  art  equalled  vulnerability.  it  was  all  too  close  to  tempt  him  to  be  honest  for  once  in  his  life.  he  found  himself  lackadaisically  trotting  through  the  library,  attempting  to  find  any  section  to  brush  up  on  skills  for  his  actual  degree.  just  because  this  semester  was  turning  out  to  be  an  elective  based  credit  session,  he  knew  as  soon  as  he  was  back  in  new  york  that  he'd  have  to  flip  his  brain  back  into  focus.  as  bash  was  scanning  through  the  aisles,  he  noticed  junie.  even  though  he  didn't  know  the  other  well,  he  did  recognize  them  from  the  chemistry  labs  of  langston.  he  approached  the  aisle,  having  slight  hope  that  maybe  junie  found  some  publication  tied  to  their  commonality.   〝        i  don't  suppose  you've  stumbled  upon  any  titles  about  computational  chemistry,  have  you?        〞he  questioned,  a  silver  of  hope  leaving  his  tongue.  surely  even  art  pupils  had  to  at  least  have  resources  to  dive  into  scientific  topics,  right?

[prudishkinks]

📱 || Soren 😚🥰

VINA: I really want to see you [deleted] VINA: Did I do something wrong? [deleted] VINA: Hi, can we [deleted] VINA: [...] VINA: I miss you 💔 Vina: Hope all is well. You don't have to respond. You probably won't anyways, but I just wanted to check in. @cloyingblccd

[faithsfled]

      perhaps the general air of confusion had worn off on dallas, too, as he stood there, his back curling into a slight hunch, as if zak's continuous slew of questions had his own body morphing into the thinker statue in its patinaed, bronze glory, a personal favorite of his as he'd spent nearly a whole week exploring the met upon his first move to the city. it's the same posture his body devolves into when nose-deep in a textbook, pencil chewed over the latest architectural trigonometry — his body has simply grown accustomed to its shrimp-backed-ness, his fighter stance to attack any ponderings that curl yet another fold into the mushy tissue of his simultaneously most important and most useless organ. " oh, shit ! sorry, my bad, i mean, like, silverfish the bug, you know ? the library has a fuck ton of them here — probably 'cause it's, like, all damp and stuff outside twenty four seven. you ever open one of the books there and just see a little shiny thing crawlin' out ? " his fingers wiggled, as if to mimic the quick motions of silverfish legs. " y'ever played minecraft ? those things ! 'cept they're not that big in real life. if minecraft was to scale, those silverfish would be the size of, like, chihuahuas, or something. "

      his eyes flicked back to the checkout counter, remaining on high alert all the while he desired to remain here, fully delve into the expanses of zakaria's mind to hopefully, whisk away all the grey matter and get to what their true, literary desires are ! he wanted nothing more than to inspire his own known feelings of getting lost in something else, or somewhere else — that very out-of-body catharsis that is, perhaps, his only good form of coping. while he didn't know if they would follow his shoddy escapism-focused mental health advice, getting sucked into a whole other life was an attainable form of magic amongst the mundanity of textbook academia. " this is gonna sound like maybe not the best pitch, 'cause i'm not, like, a salesman, or anything ... but y'ever read lord of the rings ? or, like, the hobbit ! it's got the heart of about time but the adventure of the matrix with, like, super cool elves ! i know the movies are long as fuck, but trust me on this, zak ! we'll be larping in no time if you get into that shit, i promise ! "

“Silverfish?” Zak’s brain jump-started into overdrive, the same way it always did when someone talked to him about something they should know, and they absolutely did not. Occasionally context clues helped them - this, unfortunately, was far from such a case. Face pinched with confusion, Zak nodded slowly, like they were pondering something rather detrimental. “Yeah, that does sound… bad. Were the fish… already dead? Rotting? Just in a box? Wouldn’t Cecil smell that? Okay - now I have even more questions. I kinda wish Cecil was here now, not that you’re not great company or anything, but. That’s a bit weird, isn’t it? That he didn’t notice a box of fish at this estate sale?” Zak wasn’t outright stupid - merely a bit clueless. And, sure, a little inane. They’d never had someone to teach them about things like insects that cause infestations. 

It’s a start, for sure! didn’t scream inspiring. Even when Dallas insisted he wasn’t judging - which Zak couldn’t see him doing as is, but he was the one who knew what he was talking about between the two of them. Clearly, he wasn’t thrilled with Zak’s choice. “That sounds bad. Is this bad? Don’t do your nice Dallas thing - I won’t be offended, I don’t wanna be led astray here. What if I try reading this and it’s so bad I never pick up a book again?” It’d been a genuine outcome Zakaria had expected more than anything else. Commitment wasn’t their strong suit, especially when the entirety of their heart wasn’t in it. “What - quids are a real thing? I thought it was euros?” Scholars everywhere would want to study their conversations, if anyone was unfortunate enough to become privy to them. “Oh,” Watching as Dallas gently tucked their decided book back into where it belonged, Zak’s mind reeled - again. There was only so much they could keep up with, almost at their daily limit, but it was a good question. They didn’t know what they liked, really. Not when it came to books, and otherwise. It made them scratch at the back of their neck with a small, slow shrug. “I was really into the Narnia series when I was younger - and then I never really got into anything again. Like, any books… I dunno, I always just watch movies, I guess. I love The Matrix. I think my favourite’s About Time. With Rachel McAdams? But The Notebook was, um… boring, a bit. Sorry if that’s offensive, I know it’s a classic.”

[memoryservves]

where: robin's room when: 11pm with: robin ( @cloyingblccd )

she sat with her legs crisscrossed on robin's bed , the thought of curfew far from her mind , hands toying with a thread on the comforter as she had to debrief with her friend . needed to compare her experience with others to determine what her real opinion was about their new school . " do you think this is a trap ? like the palladian students crossed the ocean to infect our school with mold , then we'd have to come here where they could sacrifice us ? "

[distortedblurs]

PSA ABOUT BRI @cloyingblccd

do NOT interact with this individual they have done many terrible things!!! below the read more is the list of many terrible things they have DONE!!!

be sexy

write sexy muses

a secret third thing ( it's being sexy again )

[rhythmicals]

"isn't  everybody?"  words  said  casually,  offhand,  without  much  thought  at  all  —  almost  as  if  he  simply  can't  fathom  anything  different.  can't  imagine  anyone  thinking  junie  is  anything  but  one  of  the  most  interesting  and  captivating  people  in  their  lives,  like  she  is  in  his.  someone  he  can  get  lost  in  conversation  with  for  hours  on  end,  losing  track  of  time  among  the  winding  tangents  and  unraveling  thoughts.  "i  dunno."  he  shrugs,  eyes  focused  on  her.  "i  kind  of  like  re-reading  the  same  things."  mind  drifts  back  to  all  the  books  he's  read  over  and  over  again  --  as  a  child,  a  teenager,  and  now.  they  all  felt  different,  despite  unchanged  words.  "it's,  like,  you  can  never  read  the  same  book  twice.  the  words  stay  the  same  but  you  don't?  or  something  like  that."

he  stops  dead  in  his  tracks  as  she  holds  her  hand  out  towards  him,  somewhat  blindsided  by  the  request  —  it's  one  thing  to  say  his  thoughts  out  loud,  processed  and  polished.  it's  another  to  have  someone  see  his  raw,  unfiltered  thoughts,  the  stream  of  consciousness  scribbled  down  in  margins  hastily,  occupying  the  space  below,  next  to,  and  sometimes  even  over,  notes  written  the  last  time  he  had  read  the  book.  "  eager.  "  he  teases,  smile  playing  upon  his  face  as  he  earmarks  the  page  before  handing  it  over  to  her  —  with  only  minimal  hesitation,  because  it's  junie.  "  if  you  start  reading  the  words  out  loud,  i'm  plugging  my  ears  and  walking  away.  "

Junie, on occasion, felt shy under Jamie’s gaze. Sometimes, he was just Jamie - her friend, someone she could trust she’d feel validated around, simply because he seemingly had the same attitude about those that surrounded them. It was easy between the two of them. And then sometimes, he was Jamie. Junie had no idea when that had occurred - months after he’d broken up with Marijoy. But she’d been horrified all the same. There was no one in this world that Junie loved more than her siblings, and she felt an abject need to keep Jamie in his shiny, (beautiful), box - a person she could poke at every now and then for entertainment in lieu of real friendship. But eventually, Junie knew she would have to admit to herself that they were real friends, and that her stomach swooped when they were around each other for reasons she would never be allowed to touch on. “You’re that fond of me?” She was never timid before when it came to flirtations, putting herself out there when someone was, decidedly, a conquest. It happened naturally, even as she talked to Jamie - though she uncharacteristically retracted from it afterwards, scratching at her chin to hide how smitten she was around him. “It’s a good book. I’m sure I would’ve loved it more if it wasn’t overdone - I wish new literature entered the modern curriculum. It was overdone when I read it in high school.” Still, she reacted quickly to the dig to Daisy - one of her favourite characters in the book. “Who do you think I am, Jamie? Daisy was - collateral damage if anything. I find her life tragic, and she was merely trying to get by as best as she could. Don’t you?” Suddenly, Junie held out her hand towards him, raising a brow. With anyone else, she would have dropped her curiosity, but it was Jamie. She wanted to know what was between the pages of his own worn out version of the book, if he had any notes amongst the pages. “Well? May I see what you have to say? Or will you keep me guessing?”

[sabancii]

who: suna + junie (@cloyingblccd) where: café marta

suna's curled into a corner booth at cafe marta, a mug cradled carefully in her hands. it's her own, hand-painted with a kitten playing the violin and the perfect amount of glitter baked into the glaze. she only requests one thing, hot water. the tea is her own brew, a loose-leaf blend she foraged and forgot to label. dandelion and mint, maybe?

a tattered magazine from 2014 is splayed open in front of her, turned to a quiz titled “are you the problem?” it’s already filled out in neon pen by someone else, but suna simply marks her answers in the margins.

"what version of yourself do you keep secret?" sends her mind somewhere distant and strange. when she looks up to think, eyes land on junie.

all five fingers wiggle in invitation. it's instinctual, cheerful, completely and cosmically unbothered... as if they hadn’t once shared a room at langston where she’d set off the fire alarm trying to smoke cleanse the mini fridge (twice). "over here!"

[prudishkinks]

᧔ 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑎𝑡 THE AMPHITHEATRE ♡ 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 @cloyingblccd ᧓ ( MONDAY MARCH 3rd — 3 p.m )

— ᧔♡᧓ 𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: corvina x robin — ᧔♡᧓ 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔: n/a

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃, 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃, 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃… Corvina wiped at the tears flowing down her face aggressively. She should have known to keep her distance from that family. Should have opted out the entire program once she learned of Ellinore’s attendance at Palladin, but here she was. Heart broken once more, and feeling more alone than she’d wish on her worst enemy. It would have been easy to give it all up now. To run back home and continue her studies at another university, but that would give them what they wanted. She was not running again.

It took Vina a good half hour of crying to settle her emotions enough to calm down, but she no longer felt like continuing on with the events of the day. She didn’t want to pretend to be fine, didn’t think she could gather up enough of her earlier excitement to head back to her group, but also didn’t want to be seen by her roommates. Instead, she headed back to the amphitheatre, refusing to give Ellinore the satisfaction of thinking she got under her skin. Her eyes remained puffy, but there wasn’t much else she could do about it. At the very least her nose was no longer abusing her emotions. 

After only a moment of looking around, Corvina found Robin’s familiar face amongst the crowd and headed her way. They haven’t spoken in months now, all Vina’s fault of course, but she wanted to make that right. She forced herself to push all thoughts of Ellinor out of her mind, took a deep breath and walked up to her. “Robin.” she spoke her name and offered a gentle smile, “Are you busy? I, uh, I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch with me? A drink, even.” 

[memoryservves]

who : roman + junie ( @cloyingblccd ) where : some classroom :)

“ okay , so , “ eyes scanned the sentences in the book , yellow highlighter gripped loosely in his hand , tapping against the spine of the novel . some silly assignment for an extracurricular activity of all things . if he knew it required this much time , he would have never signed up for book club . langston students paired with ones from palladian to break down barriers or whatever lame excuse their supervisor had said . he was hoping to get away with doing nothing , letting her put their discussion together , but junie held him accountable . “ um … “ filler words used liberally to give him the time he needed . “ well the eyes represent them being watched by the government . we can talk about how they had that sign but we have , uh , smartphones watching us and listening . or how they say tiktok is examining our background to customize our for you pages . “ 

[distortedblurs]

FOR:   soren thompson ! ( @cloyingblccd ). DETAILS:   easter sunday. later in the evening, rabbithole.

it's  a  rare  sight  -  kit  off  campus,  kit  in  a  bar,  kit  in  rabbithole,  of  all  places.  they  know  what  people  say  about  them;  that  they're  dedicated  to  the  point  of  ruthlessness,  that  their  nose  can  only  be  held  so  high  before  pretentious  becomes  synonymous  with  kit.  it's  the  holidays.  singular  -  it's  a  holiday.  the  first  holiday  without  their  partner  by  their  side,  without  luca  -  the  first  holiday  in  years  that  they've  brave  -  faced  through  family  dinner  on  their  own.  alone.  a  fucking  nightmare.  it  feels  as  if  there's  a  bee  sting  on  their  heart,  and  they're  on  the  verge  of  going  into  anaphylactic  shock,  all  aches  and  swells  and  an  uncontrollable  urge  to  reverse  time.  if  kit  pretends  to  be  stupid,  unaware  -  they  can  blame  it  on  the  port,  on  the  bitter  taste  at  the  back  of  their  throat  that  reminds  them  of  rising  bile.  they  know  better.

they've  just  come  from  bristol,  too  -  bright  lavender  tucked  beneath  an  afghan  coat  they  refuse  to  unravel,  ice  yet  to  defrost  off  their  shoulders  as  they  lean  forearms  against  bar  top.  "another  of  the  same,  please  -"  words  are  muddled,  slurred  -  just  slight  enough  to  be  noticed;  it's  not  their  first  drink  of  the  night  -  mimosas  at  brunch,  wine  at  dinner,  a  shot  snuck  out  from  their  father's  good  whiskey  before  their  knight  -  in  -  shining  -  uber  whisked  them  back  to  bath.  kit's  not  ready  to  go  back  to  campus;  they're  tired  of  pretending,  of  walking  a  balance  beam  act  meant  for  nobody  but  themselves.  rabbithole  is  an  act  of  desperation;  an  act  of  self  -  pity  that  they  rarely  allow  themselves.  meant  for  their  eyes  only  -  and  the  straggling  regulars.  that  is  -  until  a  mess  of  blonde  enters  their  peripheral;  kit's  body  moving  quicker  than  their  brain  as  they  turn  towards  soren  with  an  audible  groan,  "-  christ's  sake!"  one  arm  presses  into  the  counter,  still,  as  their  spare  hand  runs  down  their  face,  stretching  at  already  -  tired  eyebags  and  a  quick  -  to  -  grow  scowl,  "you're  not  stalking  me,  are  you?  'cos  i'm  feeling  right  haunted,  like  everywhere  i  go  there's  a  fucking  ...  true  -  to  -  life  victorian  doll  about  to  spout  nonsense  about  canary  birds  and  the  mines  and  please  sir,  just  a  quid!  me  father's  sick!"  kit  lifts  off  the  bar  with  a  wobble,  unusual  in  their  nature,  an  accusatory  finger  pointing  into  his  chest,  "well  what  about  me?  'cos  i'm  feeling  real  proper  nauseous  just  looking  at  you!"

[ellinorefm]

she was meant to be an 'it girl', that had been said to her growing up with the andersen name but it had slipped away quickly after he had crisis after crisis and now it felt like another one but she really didn't want to tell her aunt because she'd been through enough and was too supportive of her. the woman also had a lot of hurt and she couldn't give her problems to her. "saying too many things?" ella smiled then chuckled. "right." she sighed. "always saying silly thing, right? pointless things." it was a whisper because she didn't want to embarrass herself further. when the other offered to buy her the wipes, ella shook her head. "no, no. maybe i'm deflecting, trying to come up with a solid reason to quit." she could feel her eyes starting to leak and she tried so hard not to wipe the tears that came down. she didn't feel like she belonged, not how corvina had treated her and now, she'd been left with that instance because she couldn't even get in contact with her father. she needed him but he never answered - maybe because she was too like her mother and that was negative because he didn't want to step up and take responsibility. "it's not going to be 'over this'." ella used the quotation marks with her fingers. the alarm bells were ringing in her. "you know, i actually just think i should go back to my room and cry it out or something. please can you come with?"

With a growing interest, Junie’s brow rose as she watched Ellinore continue to seemingly have a conversation with herself. She’d always enjoyed analysing interactions like this - it made it easier that it was seemingly accomplished by one person, though she felt the need to insert herself. Simply because it was Junie, and if she didn’t push her judgements, it felt like she hadn’t been a part of the conversation at all. “You’re saying too many things at once,” She scolded - less harshly than she usually would, more a mother attempting to soothe a child. Condescending, to some, but a genuine attempt from Junie to press the pause button on Ellinore and tackle all her worries at once. “Yes, Lysol wipes are antibacterial wipes. It might not be an American brand - or England doesn’t believe in antibacterial wipes. Which is concerning in and of itself. I’d have a heart attack any time I spilled something too.” The people here were odd. She’d always thought American’s overly dramatic, but maybe she was simply on a lesser tolerance level than most. She was still intrigued though, couldn’t walk away just yet from Ella’s worry, before at least attempting to get to the root of it. “You think your coffee spilling is a sign to give up your education?” She asked, face pinching with clear concern at such a thought. “What do you do? Your major - is it something you enjoy? Isn’t that what you should be asking yourself? I’ll buy you the damn wipes myself - come on.” Suddenly, with the world’s most put-out heave of a sigh, Junie tossed her laptop bag over her shoulder. “You’re not dropping out of school over this. Where’s the closest convenience store?”

[fetidfruit]

[ INT. ] art studio after dark. robin.

A scraggly patchwork doll with a dozen unravelling stitches. That's what Tabi felt like as she fiddled with her hair, haphazardly clipped tufts, briefly convinced that one eye was at least two centimetres larger than the other as she gawked into her mirror. No. It was fine. Everything was fine. She was trying new things, broadening her horizons. When she received an invitation, she was going to accept it. It'd be good for her. She was practically entering her Sex and the City era, minus the fact that she didn't like Cosmos. At least, that's what Tabi went into the after hours party in the art studio thinking; when she arrived, four swigs from a vodka flask deep to soften her heart's thump, the vast enormity of a dozen simultaneous conversations made her turn right around. She would've bolted, too, deer fleeing a snapped twig, if it weren't for colliding smack bang into Robin. Of course their height difference meant that Tabi, fucking gnome-like by comparison, somehow, against all odds, got a smothering face-full of breasts. It was practically a drive-by motorboat. "Fuck-ing hell," Tabi gasped for air, shakily staggering backwards. "Whoa, oh my god, I'm -- I'm, like, so sorry, I just," spluttered out in nervous laughter, eyes incredulously wide. Tabi held up a hand in commiseration, absolutely gobsmacked. "Fuck, I'm -- sorry, not--," she dropped the hand, worried it looked even worse, venturing after a rambunctious honk on top of it all. "I just, like, was right -- right in there, wasn't I, it's -- sorry, um, hey... Robin. I'm -- sorry, god. Jesus." @cloyingblccd

[memoryservves]

soren + roman || 1:14pm in class || @cloyingblccd

the class was an elective . nothing more than a chance to exercise freedom before it was gone forever . a class he wanted to take , not one he had to . a class he took for fun — a now unfamiliar concept . signing up before winter break when his life was still his , and his choices still his to make . he'd recognized him instantly . first day of class he noticed the face that had become more familiar to him than his own . so he hid in the back corner of class . keeping his eyes down , studiously fixed on his notes . avoiding him in the crowd as they exited the room . never raising his hand or drawing attention to himself .

he should have dropped the class , knowing he couldn't hide in there forever . but he missed him deeply . his skin ached for his touch . his days felt empty and never ending because he didn't get to speak with him anymore . and so , his mouse had hovered over the drop button on the computer , but he never brought his finger to click it . as torturous as it was , there was a small comfort in seeing him every week . until that privilege would be lost for good .

luck had abandoned him , left him in the lurch . a harsh reminder as soren and roman were paired up for a project . he made no move to get up , waiting for soren to come to him . while it might have been cruel , it was necessary . he was no longer allowed to show any interest in him . " hey . " accompanied by a head nod . words lacking any of the familiar niceties . " i'm thinking we should do our presentation in a physical medium . powerpoints are so played out . " all business , no play .