#columbo says 'i'm here by coincidence' and you're sure he can't be but you can't actually rule it out and maybe you ARE just paranoid
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Starting to feel like the most unbearably insufferable thing about John Constantine is he's a good detective. He's a wizard who smokes in other people's houses, he's the most annoying man you've ever been attracted to, and he's unfortunately genuinely competent
he's got a lot of columbo trickster energy
but columbo has enough befuddled grandpa energy to temper it and gaslight you into thinking he's maybe being annoying by accident
constantine is being annoying on purpose and everyone knows it
#original#ficblogging#they will both show up outside the window of your palatial beachside estate where you're trying to dispose of evidence#but only one of them will successfully look as confused as anyone by his presence#columbo says 'i'm here by coincidence' and you're sure he can't be but you can't actually rule it out and maybe you ARE just paranoid#constantine says 'i'm here by coincidence' and you both know he doesn't care that you know he's lying#also he's probably claiming the coincidence is that he was meeting up with your dad who he matched with on grindr which adds a layer
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