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suddencolds · 3 years

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Untrustworthy | Genshin Impact

This is a 3k word commission for anon! (I admittedly wrote over the commissioned word count).

Thank you so much for commissioning me and for your kind message 😭This fic was surprisingly very challenging to write, so I’m sorry for the wait; I hope you enjoy!

Requested prompt:

I want Diluc completely miserable with a cold. As much mess as you're ok with. Still trying to function. Until Kaeya can't stand watching anymore and inserts himself as caregiver.

—

It’s subtle at first. Diluc turns away from making a drink to cough tightly into an elbow. Diluc’s gaze pulls uneven as he ducks forward with a barely stifled sneeze into a handkerchief he’s been keeping in his coat pocket. Diluc—when he thinks no one is watching—leans a bit too heavily against the countertop, bracing himself with one arm, and lifts the other hand to massage his temples. as if he’s attempting to drive away a headache that he’s had all afternoon.

It would be unnoticeable, except Kaeya pays more attention than people give him credit for. It would be unnoticeable, except Kaeya is aware that a cold has been making its rounds through the Knights, many of which frequent the tavern—one severe enough to prompt Jean to actually take a sick day, for once, one that seems especially severe this winter and—judging by the absences in his ranks this last week—difficult to avoid.

Diluc doesn’t fall ill often, Kaeya knows. Even now he barely looks unwell, save for the faint flush of his cheeks, the exhaustion disrupting his usually-perfect posture, the sneezes that he keeps stifling into almost-silence.

Either he’s at the start of his cold—before it’s had a chance to get really bad—or he’s putting in an inordinate amount of effort to hide it.

Kaeya suspects it might be both.

“Master Diluc,” he says, when Diluc conveniently stops by one of the tables next to him with drinks. “When does your shift end?”

Diluc’s shoulders stiffen, though he doesn’t turn around to address Kaeya properly. “Three hours from now.” he says, frowning. “if you intend to involve me in one of your late-night arrangements…”

“Oh? Not this time,“ Kaeya says. He lifts his wine to take a sip. “Even if I were, I think perhaps I would have reconsidered.”

“And why is that?”

Diluc says it flatly—unaffectedly—but he only has the luxury of keeping up that act for a few seconds before he’s ducking into his shoulder with a perfectly silenced stifle. It’s such a seamless performance, neatly contained and expertly quiet—really, Kaeya deems himself unworthy.

“Bless you,” he says, though Diluc scoffs, swipes the empty glasses from the table he’s serving, and starts off toward his usual spot behind the counter. “I do hope you are not falling ill, master Diluc.”

Diluc sets the glasses down on the countertop, diligently averting his glance. “I’m fine.”

“Is that so?” At Diluc’s silence, he presses on. “Perhaps you should close up early, just in case. You look like you could use some rest.”

“No need,” Diluc says. “It’s just— “Hiih… hiIIH-nGK-t! Hiih… HIiIH…-!!.... hiIIh-GKt!” The sneezes snap him forward, his shoulders trembling with the motion. He straightens with an almost imperceptible shiver. “—just dust, snf. Perhaps the Knights would be more efficient if you put more time into work instead of investigating less…” Diluc looks to him at last, his jaw tightly set. “...pressing matters.”

“Ah.” Kaeya laughs. “So eager to get rid of me?”

“Your concern is unnecessary. I already intend to close up earlier than usual.”

That’s surprising, to say the least—Diluc usually never cancels plans to suit himself. “So you really aren’t feeling well,” Kaeya says, suddenly worried. If it’s so bad that even Diluc is closing up early...

He must not be doing a good job keeping the concern off his face, because Diluc just scoffs dismissively, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not that.” He coughs softly into his raised elbow. “I have somewhere to be.”

“Hmm, to think you said no late night excursions...”

“There’s a banquet tomorrow that I’m expected to attend.”

And yet he won't be closing up for another few hours. And yet he’s here, with the start of a cold, looking exhausted and unwell, and still—for reasons Kaeya can’t fathom—he intends to work late into the night and then spend the entire day tomorrow at some pretentious social event. Kaeya knows that having to entertain strangers is exhausting to Diluc even on regular occasions. He also knows that whatever Diluc is coming down with is unlikely to resolve itself in just a night’s rest.

“For the winery?” he asks. “My, such impressive dedication to the business… surely you can send Elzer on your behalf?”

Diluc’s shoulders tense in a way that suggests that he is as reluctant about attending as Kaeya expected. “I can’t. The host requested my presence.”

“At the very least,” Kaeya says, “You should close up a bit earlier.” He glances over his shoulder to peer through the first floor windows. It’s dark outside—too dark to come to any conclusions, but earlier today, the sky had been too heavy, the air prickling with humidity, the clouds overhead sprawling and dark. “It wouldn’t do you any good to get caught up in the rain.”

“The rain is of no consequence to me,” Diluc says, in the kind of tone that suggests that he doesn’t intend to close up early at all.

“Even with a cold?” “I don’t have a cold.”

Kaeya shrugs. “Well, if you’re certain.” He pushes his mug forward so that it rests on the countertop, right within Diluc’s reach, and counts the mora out beside it. “Goodnight, Diluc.”

He turns on his heels. Years ago, he might’ve stayed longer. He might’ve insisted for Diluc to take care of himself and not left his side until he had.

But it’s been years. Diluc left, and Kaeya tried to muster up the pieces of himself that had existed independent of him—he’d taught himself how to lie, tricked himself into believing that the person he’d trusted most hadn’t left him—and now even though Diluc is back, sometimes it feels as if Kaeya barely knows him at all.

If Diluc won’t take care of himself, then that’s his prerogative. It’s stopped being Kaeya’s problem a long time ago.

—

Kaeya has every intention of leaving Diluc alone.

That is, until he’s at the Knights’ headquarters, listening in on a conversation that he doesn’t quite mean to eavesdrop on but hasn’t gone out of his way not to avoid.

“He keeps taking our work,” one of the Knights says. “It’s awful. Last time we spent all our time finding this one domain—Fatui territory, alright? We had a whole expedition team ready to scout out the domain the next day. Then the next day, we get there and the place is abandoned. Everything’s been scorched. Must’ve been a pyro user.” “How do you know it was him?”

“Trust me, you’d know. How many pyro visions are there in Teyvat? It’s like the legends say. He doesn’t leave any room unturned. He’s more thorough than a team of our men put together.”

“Gentlemen,” Kaeya says loudly, smiling when they startle and turn to look at him in synchronicity. “What are you talking about?”

“The Darknight Hero,” one of the knights offers haltingly. “Last night he took down one of the Fatui strongholds we were planning to deal with. Talk about an annoyance, huh?”

“Oh? How heroic. It seems he lives up to his title,” Kaeya says. His mind is reeling. Diluc? But last night, Diluc had been working late. He’d gone home right after, hadn’t he? It wouldn’t make sense for him to be out last night. Unless, of course...

He would really, really like to believe that Diluc’s self-preservation instincts are better than that.

“I’ve been saying,” says another knight. “We were supposed to be scouting out the area right now. Chances are, there will be nothing left there that’s of any use to us.”

“Seeing as we have nothing to do today,” the first knight says, his expression hardening, “maybe we can conduct a search party for the Darknight Hero instead. See what he has to say about withholding information from the Knights.”

“Let’s not be too hasty here,” Kaeya cuts in, before the other Knights have a chance to offer their assent. “It’s unlikely that the Darknight Hero would be out during the day, isn’t it? Rest assured, I’ll make sure that it’s looked into. In the meantime, have you asked the Acting Grandmaster for a new assignment?”

The knight in question falters. “No, but…”

Kaeya smiles pointedly at him—the kind of vicious smile that, around knights and strangers alike, never fails to intimidate. “Then perhaps you should get to it, don’t you think?”

He waits until he’s sure they’ll be busy with something else. Maybe they’re mistaken. Maybe Diluc had gone to scout out the area on some previous occasion, and the Knights are only now paying witness to his usual efficiency.

Or maybe Diluc has forgone a night of rest in lieu of playing hero to Mondstadt in the pouring rain. And now he’s at a banquet somewhere, with a miserable cold that he’s most likely intent on telling himself he doesn’t have.

It’s been awhile since Kaeya’s been to a banquet. He misses the alcohol, the music, the extravagant decorations. It’s easy enough to tell himself that that’s the reason why he’s going.

—

It’s not difficult to get in. Kaeya is well-acquainted with having to sweet talk his way into lowering someone’s defenses.

Inside the banquet hall, it’s crowded. It is as pretentious a setup as it gets—visitors wearing suits and ballroom gowns, walls adorned with streamers and gold plaques, tables laid out with refreshments of all sorts. The building it’s being held in has at least two floors and too many side rooms to count.

He spots Diluc from across the room—red hair is rare enough that he’s not easy to miss. Diluc is currently engaging in conversation with someone Kaeya hasn’t seen before.

It’s likely that Diluc has found the person who explicitly requested his presence—probably someone with a business deal that he thinks warrants a personal talk with the owner of Dawn Winery. If Kaeya interrupts Diluc while he’s negotiating some sort of once-in-a-lifetime deal, Diluc will never let him live it down. So instead, he grabs a drink as an excuse to get closer and stands a few tables away to listen in.

Up close, Diluc’s cold is practically impossible to miss. His clothes look freshly ironed, but his hair is still damp at the tips—he’s changed into dry clothes, then, but his wet hair seems to only confirm the hypothesis that he was, in fact, scouting out domains last night in the rain instead of getting a wink of sleep. Diluc has always been pale, but now there’s a flush high on his cheeks that Kaeya thinks could only be a result of an impending fever. He is standing with his arms crossed—a last attempt to keep warm, perhaps—with a handkerchief gripped loosely in one hand. Faint shivers break the line of his shoulders.

Kaeya feels a pang in his chest. Diluc looks…

Kaeya watches as Diluc twists away with a soft apology and a wrenching sneeze that snaps him forward at the waist.

...miserable.

“That was merely my expectation,” the man says. “Crepus and I were business partners, do you know that? You don’t seem like the type of person who would choose this profession. I am sure your priorities lie elsewhere.”

Diluc clears his throat. “I have no qualms against upholding the family business.” His voice—though usually smooth and mellifluous—has taken on a rough edge to it, as if from overuse.

“Of course, I didn’t mean to suggest otherwise,” the man says. “I am sure you’re aware of your options, no? You could make a fortune selling off the winery if you so desired.”

“If you are...” Diluc starts, though his sentence is punctuated by a soft, desperate gasp, and he turns away just in time, ducking into his handkerchief. “hiIh…. Hiih… hiih’GKt—CHhiiew! Snf-!” His eyes stay shut in anticipation, the grip tightening around the handkerchief as his shoulders jerk with another sharp intake of breath. “Hiih… Hiiih… Iiih’DZsshh-iu! haAHH’iIKTch-iIIew!” he sniffles wetly, barely suppressing a violent shiver.

“If you are here to gauge whether or not I intend to sell the winery, I can assure you that I do not,” he says, quieter than usual.

“Ah, of course, just a question.” The man leans forward, lowers his voice. “Truthfully, I am more interested in a partnership. It’s come to my attention that you have an excess of wine sitting in the winery’s cellars. If you can get me the amount of Dandelion Wine I need at a discounted price, I can sell it down in Liyue for a profit.”

“I have no interest in expanding the business any further,” Diluc says. “The excess will sell out easily in the spring when demand rises for Windblume.”

“I urge you to give it some consideration. Dandelion Wine is a specialty to Mondstadt. Think about the profitability of expanding to somewhere where dandelions are hard to come by,“ the man says. “You could stand to double or even triple the prices per bottle. I am only asking to take a fraction of your stock, see? Ten percent would be enough.”

He says it as if ten percent isn’t anything substantial, but Kaeya can’t help but think that there’s something wrong here—both with the presentation of the offer and with its suddenness. From here, Diluc’s expression is unreadable—it betrays only slight discomfort when he turns to the side, muffling harsh, forceful coughs into his suit sleeve, and murmurs a reflexive apology. No hesitation—not the slightest hint of wariness—even though the Diluc Kaeya remembers wouldn’t agree to raising prices so drastically without good reason.

“I can handle all transportation and deliver the profits to you in a few months,” the man presses on, interpreting Diluc’s untelling silence as interest. “My associates have done research on the market in Liyue and where it would be best to sell. You wouldn’t have to do anything differently from your end. All that I ask is for you to trust me with the first shipment and compensate me fairly after I handle the marketing and transportation.”

Diluc sniffles. “Forgive me,” he says, bracing himself with one hand against the table behind him as he ducks forward violently into a raised arm. “hiIh’nGKT-chhiEW! HIih… I do n-not… hhH… Hiih-! hiIH’iiikT-CHhiew! Sdf-! Ugh… hiIIH’NGKT-CHhiew!” He leans slightly into his side, and though the gesture is well-disguised, Kaeya can tell just how much he’s bracing his weight on the table. It’s concerning, to say the least. Is he really too tired to stand upright? “...I do not expect to give out so much wine without a proper assessment of the risk. If you believe the model to be profitable, you are free to… t-to… hh-! to purchase…. hiIH… haAA’iiKTT-CHh!-u! hiIh’iiiTSSHhh’uh! snf-!” The congestion in his voice is evident in all of his consonants, and his gaze flickers down to his handkerchief in unspoken desperation, though Kaeya suspects he’s too polite to blow his nose in front of a business partner.

“...You are free to purchase wine at the same rate as I offer other corporate partners. I cannot - coughcough - I cannot offer such a large first-time shipment for free based on only an assumption that it will be successful.”

Kaeya can see the exact moment the smugness drops off of the man’s face. His eyes harden at Diluc’s hesitation, his practiced smile shifting into the approximation of a sneer.

“An assumption? You don’t trust my ability to see the operation through to the end?” He says, still in the same polite, haughty tone of his. “As a long-time associate of your father, I would have thought I would have earned your trust as well. Unless, of course, you simply don’t agree with Crepus’s assessments?”

Kaeya can see the way Diluc’s jaw tightens at the query. He clears his throat softly, though the brief wince that follows suggests that the action is far from painless.

“His vision for the company is - snf - very important to me,” he says simply.

The man waves a flippant hand. “Or perhaps once he left, you decided you knew better? I mean, you have grown up so much, so I’m sure you feel more than capable of handling his affairs, regardless of whether or not you’re doing it his way. I don’t blame you.”

As the man turns around to pour himself a drink, Kaeya sees a flash of blue and gold tucked into his suit pocket. It takes him another moment to realize what it is.

A Fatui sergeant’s insignia—for identification purposes, or just a habit, likely.

This man isn’t a business partner of Crepus’s at all.

Now, the man wheels around, holding one drink in each hand. Alcohol, clearly—though it sparkles, faintly red. “Ah, well. I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but your decisions are understandable. A friend of mine has been working on a drink that mixes certain Liyuen specialties and Dandelion Wine—would you give it a try?”

“I don’t drink,” Diluc says haltingly.

“Just a sip wouldn’t hurt,” the man says, raising an eyebrow. “If you are anything like Crepus, you must have developed quite the refined taste when it comes to wine. Perhaps you could speak for the quality?”

“I’m sorry,” Diluc says quietly. “I am… Hiih… f-feeling… hH…. hiIih’iIKT-chHIew! Sdf!... slightly under the weather.” Kaeya blinks at him, disbelieving. Such an outright admission is practically unheard of, when it comes to Diluc—but then again, it’s a convenient excuse, and Kaeya is not under the impression that he really knows him. Diluc lifts a hand to his face, sniffling hard. “I’m afraid I would not be able to taste it.”

“You state the obvious,” the man drawls, and Diluc’s shoulders hunch slightly as he turns his face away, his cheeks reddening slightly. “Actually, that’s one of the reasons why I recommended this drink. It’s made with Jueyun chilis. Should be good for clearing up a cold.”

“Is that so?” Diluc says, still frowning.

“Perhaps you could speak to its efficacy?”

Slowly—hesitantly—Diluc lifts the glass. The man watches him like a hawk—too eagerly, if anything. Kaeya presumes that he either wants Diluc poisoned or too intoxicated not to be swayed, and hauling home a Diluc who can’t hold his own sounds like more than he’s signed up for, so now would be a good time to interfere. Diluc can be mad at him later.

Kaeya, for all he’s attempted over the years, has plenty of practice making his entrances as obnoxiously showy as possible.

“My, my,” he says, striding in with a drink in hand to settle right next to Diluc. “The esteemed owner of the Dawn Winery.” Just for the way Diluc grimaces at the title, his eyebrows furrowing, he decides this intervention has been worth it. “And… who’s this?”

Diluc veers away from Kaeya to stifle—a soft, near-silent stifle that must be exhausting to suppress.

“A business partner,” the man answers through gritted teeth.

“Must be a busy job,” Kaeya says, snatching Diluc’s drink out of his hand and setting it down on the table behind him. “Given, of course, that you have two.” He takes an efficient step forward and swipes the insignia out of the so-called business partner’s pocket.

“I do wonder why the Fatui would be so interested in the Dawn Winery,” he says calmly, ignoring the man’s indignant yelp of protest. He turns the insignia over in his hands, contemplative. “Did you really think the owner of the largest wine business in Mondstadt would be so easy to scam?”

The sergeant swears. “You asshole—!”

Kaeya reaches for the sword tucked into his belt. He knows it wouldn’t be a fair fight, seeing that the man seems very much unarmed, but it’s as good as anything as a threat. “I don’t suppose you’ll try this again?” he says. “I can’t claim to be the best swordsman in Mondstadt—that title goes to the previous cavalry captain, but maybe tonight I can come in second.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Oh? Do you want to find out if I am?”

“No,” the agent says. “I wasn’t finished having my conversation.”

“Well, what a shame.” Kaeya doesn’t wait for him to think of a response. He takes Diluc’s arm and turns abruptly to haul Diluc towards the exit.

Diluc goes along easily enough. It’s only when they get outside that the frustration—from watching Diluc push himself, stubbornly, to this extent—boils over.

“Diluc,” he says, turning on his heels. “Really? After a late night shift at the tavern, your first thought was to forgo rest to spend all night scouting out a Fatui domain? In the rain, for that matter?”

Diluc turns away, his expression unchanging. “That’s not worth mentioning.”

“Perhaps you’d claim that attending a banquet directly afterwards is not worth mentioning, either? Your hair’s still wet. And that encounter with the Fatui sergeant—what’s gotten into you? Since when have you been so careless?”

He’s almost certain Diluc can hear the unspoken accusation behind it. This isn’t like you. Diluc is hasty—he has a tendency to overestimate himself and involve himself in situations he knows will be dangerous—but he isn’t careless.

“—I knew he wasn’t one of Crepus’s associates.” Diluc explains, with a soft, liquid sniffle. He turns away, lifting an arm to his face. “I would’ve - hhihH-!! - snf, I would’ve recognized him if he were, sdf.” his eyes drift shut; he buries his face into his suit sleeve, sniffling. “Crepus made it a point to… hiIh…-! hIIIh… to introduce him to everyone he - HIiIIih… sdf-!! ...Everyone he worked closely with.”

“Is that so?” Kaeya says, but it’s not enough. “Then why did you entertain him?”

Diluc is quiet for a moment. When Kaeya looks over, it’s to a dazed, bleary expression before he ducks harshly into his raised elbow with a forceful, “hiIh’nNGKT-chHIEw! hiIH’IITCHh-chhUU!! Snf-!”

He doesn’t lift his elbow from his face. “I w-wanted… snf-! more - hiIh-!...information,” he says. “If I were to know more about what he was planning, it would make it easier for me to find any fraudulent - hiIih-!! Snf-! - transactions in the company’s history if I knew what to - hIih-hiIh’iIKTch-IIiu! Excuse me… snf-! -to look for.”

“Bless you. There are better ways to do that,” Kaeya says. “No need to do it when you’re evidently unwell.”

Diluc peeks out from behind his arm, which he still hasn’t lowered from his face. His face is flushed up to his ears—easy enough to dismiss as fever, though Kaeya knows that’s not all there is to it.

Diluc has always been embarrassed about admitting weakness. Kaeya sighs, fishes through his own pockets for a spare handkerchief.

“I have to say, Diluc,” he says, holding out the handkerchief — which Diluc accepts hurriedly, turning away to clean up whatever mess he’s made of his sleeve - “My weekends would be much less eventful -”

“hiiihh’GKTTt-CHh’yyew! snf-!”

“- if I could trust you to look after yourself,” Kaeya finishes, raising an eyebrow. “Bless you, by the way.”

“I know my limits,” Diluc says.

Kaeya huffs a sigh. “But you don’t honor them, do you?”

Diluc frowns, looking away. “I would have been fine if you hadn’t showed up.”

Kaeya stares at him. It’s half in disbelief, half in exasperation—but Diluc has always been like this, hasn’t he? Insistent on his own self-sufficiency. Hesitant to admit he might, in any way, be infallible.

I would’ve been fine.

“You always are,” he says finally, with a smile that he doesn’t mean.

If Diluc so diligently insists on refusing his help, perhaps Kaeya should take a hint. Mondstadt is a half hour away—less, if he hurries. He quickens his pace. It’s fortunate, he thinks, that the rain stopped early this morning, after—

Diluc grabs his arm.

Kaeya wheels around, suddenly worried that Diluc might be feeling much worse than he’d let on, but Diluc’s expression betrays nothing as he lowers his hand to his side.

“Thank you,” he says—a soft, private admission.

Kaeya clears his throat, waves a dismissive hand. “I assure you, I have plenty more handkerchiefs.”

“No,” Diluc says quietly, looking away. “Not just for that.”

#snz #snz kink #snz fic #sneeze fic #my fic #gen/shi/n im/pac/t #i have been working on this for almost 2 weeks straight #longer than anticipated T-T i planned to finish this before moving back #it was really hard to write ngl (more plot-driven than most of my other recent snzfics)#i hope it doesn't disappoint ;;#(prob the last 2k+ fic in awhile unless my time management is insanely good)#i will still write drabbles if time permits! been wanting to write abt ko/kom/i after playing her character quest #(requests are still open as always! or scenarios if anyone just wants to talk!)#this is actually my first time being commissioned for writing and #it really made me happy!! thank you!

103 notes · View notes

reyeslonestar · 3 years

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Lone star better square the hell up if they think we are just gonna accept this lame ass apology from Owen. It’s not nearly enough and the real apology that TK deserves. He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this that he just sat back and continued on with the intervention. I know that comment still hurts TK because of how he even brought it up. They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father. Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent. As in- remember they exist even when TK isn’t hurt or something. As in, don’t twist things around and play victim. All TK does is love his dad and yeah he gets frustrated with Owen because who wouldn’t but he still is always there. Owen straight up acted like TK didn’t exist when he thought Gwyn’s baby was his. He only said he would schedule the surgery because ‘he’s gonna be a dad’. He only jumps into father mode when TK was shot and kidnapped. Every other time??? It’s like oh TK is mad at me that’s why he is being a paramedic now. Like dude have you ever stopped to think that maybe it’s not all about you? He just wanted the switch to the paramedic job because he likes it. These little moments add up and make me wanna yell at Owen FOR tk

anon, we are in agreement. god, I want to get tk by the shoulders and tell him that owen’s bullshit is absolutely not his fault and he has done way more than should have been expected of him. then id like to slap Owen upside the head and frogmarch him into therapy. very regular therapy.

you’ve brought up a lot of interesting things here so im going to stick most of my thoughts under a cut.

ultimately I think that the things that underscore the problems of TK and Owen’s relationship are Owen’s inconstancy and unreliability. I think theres a decent splash of narcissism in there too, which leads to him pressuring and gaslighting people, unloading his problems on random people, making himself the victim in any given confrontation, and also his misguided heroism stunts. but the root of him and TK having a fractured relationship comes from TK being unable to rely on Owen. (and hoo boy does that make me emotional about the fact that TK finally has someone he can completely rely on with Carlos)

so your first point:

this lame ass apology from Owen

honestly there were two weak apologies that stuck out to me - the first being the one during the intervention about Owen ‘going to be a father’ - yay, acknowledgment - but TK deserves an proper apology, one that doesn’t feel offhand, and not when Owen feels pressured by the environment. im sure im not the only one that felt that comment was disingenuous - it didnt feel at all like Owen actually felt sorry, or understood the damage he’d done. and then again in the vets - it felt pointed to me that TK had to confirm Owen was still going to go through with the surgery after buttercup turned out to be okay. he understandably doesn’t trust Owen to hold himself to his promises, even one he made in the last five minutes, and I think that reflects on how he views the apologies - if Owen can flip back and forth on promises about his own health, what’s stopping him from giving insincere apologies?

He has probably lived with this relationship with Owen his entire life or at least majority of it and that’s so sad. He seems so used to this

yeah I think you’re absolutely right - I think everything about their relationship, including TK’s anxieties about Owen’s unreliability, stem from him feeling left behind during his childhood (something I talked about a lot here - I wrote that a few months ago but I stand by a lot of it). and those anxieties really came out this ep because Owen keeps being incredibly inconstant this season. (not inconstant as in inconsistent characterisation, inconstant as in an unreliable character)

something I mentioned in some of my tags yesterday (and that I want to really dive into more specifically at some point) was the emotional labour that I suspect TK has had to shoulder in order to maintain their relationship. Owen has been this consistently absent figure, so TK has worked himself into Owen’s work life to be physically close to him, but Owen’s emotional distance has meant TK has taken up the emotional work too in order to maintain their relationship, and that has kind of allowed them both to pretend to themselves that they have a good relationship, with much more of the strain of maintaining that facade falling on TK.

Loving your kid isn’t enough- you actually have to actively try to be a good parent.

everything you said here. absolutely. loving someone does not equal having a healthy relationship with them, and TK and Owen definitely dont have that. TK is evidently so hyper aware of how much Owen has ignored him when it suits him - it kills me to see the way that comment about being a father has obviously been eating at him for weeks - and I really hate how controlling Owen gets when TK is in danger, but then is so utterly absent when TK’s in a good place, or even bitter and hostile when TK makes positive choices for himself. again, I talked about this in detail in this post - basically, Owen has major control issues and dude needs therapy.

don’t twist things around and play victim.

oh man, this shit pissed me off. like, I get that the subjects of interventions often have hostile reactions, but gaslighting Mateo after pressuring him into drinking and emotionally unloading on him? holy shit Owen, no. and making himself to be the victim of situations that have nothing to do with him, like TK becoming a paramedic or oversharing to the vet and the kid sitting on the roof. like, I understand that mental illness can lead you to taking shitty actions, but it still makes them shitty actions.

They need to circle back to this because I’m genuinely wondering what it’s gonna take for Owen to actually act like a good father.

yeah! I dont know what to think about this in the show, because knowing the way the show heroises Owen, I don’t know whether they’ll feel that they need to address it further than those pathetic apologies. that said, we’ve got Owen and this arson case next week and there does seem to be a tone that shows Owen as an idiot, and frames him as wrong for going against the rules and trying to sneak into a crime scene. if im right, then there would be scope for this to be an overall arc of Owen learning to become self aware and understand that he is not the centre of the universe. I just hope the show bothers to do that.

in the immortal words of Michelle Blake: Owen, get a therapist!

#911 lone star #911 lone star spoilers #episode chat 2x10 #fandom discussion #owen strand #tk strand #the strands #owen strand critical #I dont mind flawed characters #and the fact that they were addressing it (kinda) made me happy #and thats partly why I didnt mind Owen this ep #a has thoughts

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shadowofthelamp · 5 years

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Can I get a basic run down of each of your au’s? It’s really hard to keep track and I wanna understand what people are talking about

*cracks knuckles* Alright, let’s do this. I’ll probably just link this in my sidebar at this point, because these are getting built up pretty rapidfire and if you aren’t on tumblr as much as I am you’re pretty liable to miss something.

Now with tag links, going chronologically so you can catch up if you want to! Some of them have a lot of posts, though, just as a warning.

-Time AU: The original. Twix is accidentally sent back in time- why is still a bit fuzzy but I think it involves the Voot malfunctioning when a time machine is installed. She runs into Dib when rummaging around in the basement lab in his house for parts, and lets it slip that she’s his daughter from the future. Her skin is just not-green enough to slip past his radar, and a DNA text confirms that she is in fact related to him, but her lips are sealed about who her other parent is.

She needs to break into Zim’s base to get the necessary tools to finish fixing the Voot to go back home, and Dib assumes she wants to expose Zim like she does, so she has to keep on his good side to get what she needs. It’s weird to say the least, seeing her parents fighting and Dib as a kid- especially since Zim looks basically the same.

After she finally fixes the Voot, it starts jumping through alternate dimensions before she finally makes it home, and she meets several alternate versions of herself.

The tag needs to be cleaned up on this one- it was the first au and has scattered posts of the others still in it but it’s going to take a while to edit down to the individual ones, fair warning.

-Tallest AU: Zim is “co-Tallest” with Tak, and Dib is a rebel fighter trying to take down the empire- sort of a bounty hunter on the side too. Twix is created during a fight when Zim tries to rip Dib’s throat out with his teeth, as you do. Zim is yanked out of public view while pregnant- can’t let the Empire know one of the Tallests has a defect that allows him to reproduce naturally. When he comes back, Twix is declared an experiment of his to create an heir with alien DNA to help her be taller, stronger, and more resilient. She’s kind of a spoiled brat in this one, and has absolutely no idea who Dib is.

When she’s about 12, Dib as a bounty hunter was enlisted to kidnap her in an attempt to rile up Zim and get rid of his heir in one fell swoops, having no idea that she’s his daughter. Eventually, that’s discovered, and she slowly learns what life is like for everyone who isn’t her, while Dib learns to be a parent and care for her instead of having to just rely on himself all the time. Things are pretty tense at first, though.

Eventually, after Zim gets her back, she’s injured during a fight and Zim and Dib make a reluctant truce while she heals, eventually becoming sort of ‘rivals with benefits’- Zim won’t kill him if he’s captured, and Dib won’t take headshots. Dib also gets a collar so he can walk around the Massive without somebody sniping his head off, although he’s very grumpy about this.

Eventually, Dib manages to convince Zim that he’s nothing more than a mascot for the empire, there to blow shit up to show their power. (Tak is the real leader, Zim doesn’t really have the power he thinks he does, and Tak was brought in as co-Tallest to do most of the real ruling and give an air of competence, with the Control Brains doing the rest.) This takes ages, and involves Zim being so deep in denial he literally shoots Dib in the leg to get him to shut up, but it needles at him until he accepts it. Needless to say, pisses him off. They run off together, something Tak’s actually pretty happy about because she figures he’ll just die without the protection being a Tallest gives him. Twix comes with them, and start causing problems for the Empire wherever they can.

Dib gets a robot arm at one point, we haven’t 100% decided on how, and they end up having a second kid, a boy named Kit. (Kit Kat. Thank the discord for that one.)

-WLOD AU: Based on the alternate future in Dib’s Wonderful Life of Doom. Dib is the villain in this one- Twix was made when Zim attempted to escape captivity and bit Dib in the process. She’s kind of a nervous, timid wreck, and Zim is incredibly protective of her. She doesn’t see the world outside of the lab until main!Twix stumbles across this world and helps break her and Zim out, bringing them to her reality and asking Membrane to help her ‘cousins’. They end up settled somewhere else. (She ends up good friends with Moth!Twix.)

The running joke with this one is if the other Dibs meet this guy they just beat the crap out of him.

When Twix eventually dies of health complications from being experimented on, Zim pretty much snaps. He goes back to his home dimension and burns down everything even remotely related to Earth and Dib and ends up conquering the Empire, his grief giving him laser focus and allowing him to work past his defects. He goes on pretty much on a multi-decade rampage, twice as ruthless as anyone else and blowing up planets with ease. One day, though, while he’s with the ground troops he sees a scared child who was orphaned by his attacks and sort of snaps back to himself. He ends up adopting them, and several others in an attempt to atone for himself. He trains them up, fully expecting one of them to end up killing him when they find out he was the one that orphaned them, but when they find out about Twix they tend to just leave over killing him.

He ends up dying near her grave of illness/old age.

-Human AU: This one’s gotten revamped. The old one is after the line, to explain the old fanart in that tag. (I… never really liked this one as much as the others because it didn’t feel Zim-like to me and Dib was barely a presence- and he was barely himself too.)

Honestly this one is still a bit of a joke, but Zim’s got a more mad-scientist edge to him, primarily with strange toys, furbies in particular. He makes lots of them and their house is overrun- Twix has no idea it isn’t normal. He enjoys making people squirm with his creations and ends up having a bit of a rivalry with Swap Zim.

______

Old version: Zim and Dib were both sort of academic rivals at school, but ended up paired together for a science pair project and became friends. They’re roommates at college and begin dating, and Twix just comes from a regular old broken condom, oops. Zim was kind of a party animal but cuts back for her sake. His water actually breaks during an important exam but he insists on finishing it, despite Dib’s blood pressure going up about 500%. Zim’s a Bio major, I haven’t really settled on Dib yet. Zim ends up working at Membrane Labs, though.

Zim’s also a big fan of musical theater, and gets roped into subbing in as Billy Flynn on the campus production of Chicago while four months pregnant. Gir is his younger brother and currently in high school.

-Irken AU: This one’s set a bit earlier in the timeline, when Zim was still working at the labs for military research. (See the canceled episode The Trial.) He met Dib there, and at one point they ended up locked in for a whole weekend on accident. At one point they got into a fight, one thing led to another, and Zim ended up pregnant. He only found out when he started getting sick and went to the hospital. The problem? That’s a defect that hasn’t happened in a long time- he’s whisked to the Control Brains, labeled defective in both mind and body, and sent off to Foodcourtia so no one has to deal with him.

When Dib finds out, he steals a ship and goes to rescue him. Zim is completely miserable, exhausted, overworked, and all around pissed this is happening. He lashes out at Dib for doing this to him before completely collapsing since his body hasn’t gotten a chance to rest in too long, and his instincts tell him that Dib is safe because he’s the other parent. Gir is a malfunctioning food service drone that snuck aboard the ship. They have to figure out what’s going on because this kind of thing hasn’t happened in centuries.

Dib was initially only interested in studying Zim because of the rarity of natural-born smeets, but as time goes on they end up getting closer, especially because Zim gets clingy as time goes on. There are two endings to this one- either they keep wandering around space, or they end up on Earth since it’s uncharted and no one will bug them there. Twix comes from an egg and has three siblings (possibly more) in this one!

-Pilot AU: Related to the Time AU- while jumping around, she gets stuck in the pilot universe. She very much doesn’t like it, especially since Dib starts stalking her instead. When he finds out she’s his daughter, he gets even more obsessive about how and why she came back, and she has to escape him to keep going home.

-Adoption AU: This is the angstfest one kicked off by a particular anon- Zim has a miscarriage, but at some point afterwards when Twix is jumping through the multiverse, she runs into them. After realizing what happened, she finds a version of herself that lost both of her parents and brings her to meet the ones that never had her, and they’re all happy.

-Zimvoid AU: Twix lands in the Zimvoid from the few most recent comics. Not a lot of plot to this one, it’s just fun to imagine. The Zims meeting after Twix is born is under PZA Au, and the Dibs meeting is ‘Meet me in the dibpit’ which is the best tag out of all of these lmao

-Species Swap AU: Dib is, similar to in the irken au, there to study local flora and find uses for them. Gaz is the invader, sent here for her catastrophic body count on every other mission she’s had. She finds out Earth has good games and is just ‘eh, whatever’ and basically puts the mission on hold, letting Dib start stalking the one human that truly interests him- Zim. He’s almost irken-like, and clearly incredibly intelligent- and destructive!

I made a whole plot explanation for this one here.

Dib is actually the one to have her in this au. It’s also a running joke and I’m heavily considering making it canon that this Zim is the one that actually succeeds in taking over the world.

-Mothman AU: Dib is an actual mothman, and so is his family. Variation on this one: One has irken Zim, one has human Zim. Other Dibs find this version of Dib hot. Twix is raised in the woods and her only real friends are her parents, Gir, and Tulip. (Keef’s adopted daughter.)

In the irken au, Zim is actually accepted relatively fast by Membrane who thinks he’s just a strange, stunted moth. After having Twix he ends up growing wings and neck fluff because mothmen are actually a very distant cousin of irkens that diverged millions of years ago, and carrying Dib’s kid kickstarted the process. He also dies for like two minutes because giving birth to an egg a third of your size really sucks. (He’s fine, once Dib got him to the recharging chamber he woke back up when his Pak reactivated him, he was just really low on charge after a birth lasting like two days.)

In the human au, he’s not so lucky- Dib has to keep his relationship a secret, and Membrane only finds out when he sees Zim, already pregnant. Dib gets into a big fight with him because humans killed his mom and Membrane is pissed he’d get into a relationship with one. Things do end up working out eventually, once Twix is born Membrane is fascinated by her, but tensions are still pretty high for a while. Earlier in this version, Zim actually found out he was pregnant when he gets accidentally shot by someone who was aiming at Dib and had to go to the hospital and they took a pregnancy test before doing the x-ray. (In all aus where Zim is human, including swap, he’s a trans guy, and this one is set in the 1970′s/80′s. He ran away to live in the woods for a reason.)

-SU AU: Steven Universe AU! This one’s covering most of the plot of Steven Universe up to this point, so it got long. Link here. (For the aesthetic, think more Gravity Falls and late over early SU: Deep woods and dark colors.)

-Capture AU: A sort of flip of the WLOD au. Zim wins and keeps Dib prisoner, although he enjoys riling him up so Dib is much more of a firecracker than WLOD Zim is. Zim gets the itching feeling he’s missing something and uses a blood sample from Dib to get himself pregnant, but he realizes he can’t raise the kid alone without killing her (and plays it off as making Dib help with something he’s made it clear he hates) so he lets Dib out but on a very tight leash. This one is definitely on the darker end.

-Scandal AU: Zim is Tallest, Dib is an irken scientist. They ‘grew up’ together but Zim shot up and forgot about Dib because- well, his memory’s canonically pretty garbage and besides he often misremembers things anyway. Dib is hauled in front of him for causing problems at the labs like letting the specimens free because he hates his coworkers, and they just kept shoving him at successively more important people because he managed to keep slipping away before being fully punished and it ends up getting all the way to the Tallest.

Dib gets pissy at Zim because he’s expecting to get thrown out the airlock or whatever, before realizing just how terrible of an idea that is and that Zim could do something a lot worse. Mostly he’s just mad that Zim left him behind, but Zim, who only has faint inklings of Dib being familiar, decides to keep him around on basically a whim.

Things evolve from there, with Zim doting over his new ‘toy’ who treats him like an equal (which he didn’t realize he wanted, because duh, he’s the Tallest, why would he want to be anything other than shallowly worshipped?) while Dib has to walk the VERY careful tightrope of staying alive by not pissing Zim off while also not rolling over completely and betraying himself. (And that might lose Zim’s interest as well.) Things get even messier when oops, there’s eggs now.

-Treasure Planet AU: What it says on the tin, an au based off the movie Treasure Planet! Plot summary here, AU mostly belongs to @64bit-trash and @yeehawimscared.

-Dibbrane AU: Dib turns out to be a much better clone of his father and doesn’t realize that Zim is an alien. Zim ends up getting attatched to him because he takes him seriously as a fellow scientist and genuinely enjoys his company, and eventually they get married- all without Dib finding out what he really is. Twix ends up more like show-Dib, determined to prove to the world that there’s a world hidden underneath their own, and Zim ends up her ‘alien rival’ in order to train her. She doesn’t realize she’s half-alien… yet. Fuller synopsis here.

-Amnesia AU: Zim was a personal pet project of Tallest Miyuki’s, and treated him as a son, planning to raise him to succeed her, taking down the heightarchy in the process. She ends up assassinated by Red and Purple in an attempt to get enough power to laze around for the rest of their lives, and Zim is blamed for it. A lot of irkens are bitter and jealous for the attention he got, especially for someone so short, so it’s easy enough to do.

While imprisoned, he tore up his Pak in an attempt to get rid of the grief and trauma of seeing his mother dead and ended up more defective, having mostly forgotten who he was before. The timeline ‘syncs up’ with iz show canon. He crashes OID2 and gets sent to Earth, and over the years enters a relationship with Dib and gets pregnant. When that’s discovered, he gets pulled back and his memory is wiped again, and when the baby is born, she’s taken away to see if they can shape her into a soldier.

Zim is used for more tests and Skoodge tries to help him, and ‘Brid’ is shuffled between career tracts before being sent out with the soldiers while still 11- practically a smeet. She meets Dib, who’s been looking for both Zim and his lost child. She promises to take him to Zim, but is going to try and bring him as a new species of alien to her superiors to get brownie points because she’s treated kind of like shit by the other trainees for being such a freak. (She always wears a helmet to cover her nose and hair.)

Eventually their paths cross as they get arrested and thrown into a cell near Zim’s, but Zim doesn’t realize he’s even got a daughter, much less this one, so there’s a while to figure things out.

All this time, Miyuki uploaded herself before her death into a side control brain that only Skoodge knows, and they stumble across her, and she helps fill in the gaps.

Aaaaaand I’ll go back and add more to this post if we get more, if I forgot one feel free to tell me.

#iz #aip #Anonymous #asks

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mentalillnessmouse · 5 years

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tw suicide- help, I keep thinking about death and how I was unlucky to be born because that means I'll have to experience it and I won't even know when it will come. I have bpd, anxiety, ptsd, depression and probably an eating disorder, plus I have to go through the opression of being trans, ace and gay (homoromantic) too, so life just doesn't feel worth it. Why would I want to live through something so hard if the ending of it is the only thing I get? I'd rather off myself and be done with it.

TW Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts

Hey anon,

While I hope you have improved since this message was sent, here are some resources and hotlines for you:

Urgent

Mental Support Community a forum where you can post when you are in crisis RIGHT NOW, and need peer support as quickly as possible.

Samaritans UK (email, postal mail, in-person, and over the phone).

Crisis Text Line, text with a trained crisis responder.

BoysTown National Hotline (email, chat, phone).

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (phone, chat).

RAINN online hotline [Rape, abuse, and incest national network]

Lifeline Crisis Chat is a online chat where you can talk to trained operators in times of crisis.

2-1-1 phone number to call in US for resources including emergency housing and food (United Way).

You Feel Like Shit – An Interactive Self Care Guide is a great place to start if you’re having a bad episode and need help calming down (this is good for troubleshooting your mental health, but it does not contain interpersonal support).

Niteline: an emergency chat service for nighttime from UK, run by students for students.

Project LETS has peer support chats.

Suicide Hotlines by Country

My response here is going to be a bit more personal. I completely agree, life can be very difficult, especially for someone in your situation. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t anything here. Sometimes you have to find the oddest, smallest things that make you feel lighter inside. You might not always feel happier, but if you can find something that lets your brain be distracted from the current pain you’re feeling or even something that helps lift it slightly, it helps.

Small things help get me through the day - caring for my plants, looking at recent space discoveries, finding a quick but pretty brainless game to play are my main go-tos - and it might help you to. Doing something mindless sometimes helps distance me from my current issues if only so my brain will have a moment of rest - this includes listening to nothing but music for hours, playing games, or watching happy and silly videos. Picking up a hobby where you make something that might let you get out your emotions in a safe way or see a result of your effort - like writing, painting, or singing - could help you feel better as well. You don’t have to join a group, this could be something you do on your own.

Finding hobbies and creating a space where you are trying to let out your emotions in a safe way is great, but interacting with others is crucial. Developing connections, reminding yourself that others feel their own pain and are trudging through the day, talking about your emotions - all can help give you a sense of strength to get you through the day. Having a loved one be there in dark moments to at least talk about your feelings can also help you feel better - like despite what the world around you says, there is someone who will stick by you.

If possible, I’d also like if you could talk to a professional. While I know this may not be possible for many reasons, perhaps you could work together on a regular basis to remind yourself of what you have and what you would like to be able to have with ways to reach your goals. They are also more well equipped to give you advice and help you through your current mental state than I or a loved one may be.

I’ll leave some more resources here that might help you out. But I just want to say that maybe the world seems bleak and you are in pain, but carving out a space for yourself where you can pull together all your parts and rest or heal is crucial. Create your own personal safe haven in any form you need to, as long as you stay safe. Here are some resources:

Suicide Prevention

Feeling Suicidal? Please take a moment to read this post on how to cope with suicidal thoughts.

The international association for suicide prevention is dedicated to preventing suicidal behavior and alleviating its effects. It also has links to forums.

A list of Reasons NOT to Commit Suicide_

Mental Help A site that has basic information, resources, articles, and a list of books that might be helpful.

Suicide: an Honest Discussion How to cope with suicidal thoughts/ideation made by a MHP

Additional

This is a guide on how to make a comfort box.

You Feel Like Shit – An Interactive Self Care Guide helps you work through bad episodes and takes you through things that might be wrong

Self-care

Self-harm: alternatives, distractions, how to care for injuries and more

If you’d like to see anything more for your specific mental illnesses, please check out the Helpful Resources page.

Anon, I truly wish you the best. I hope that you find or create a space where you no longer feel so downtrodden someday. You are very strong for even sending a message to us, and I hope that I have given you enough so that you can working on healing, growing, and eventually flourishing.

Please feel free to send us a message if you need to contact us again and good luck once again.

- Xan

#ask MIM #Anonymous #Suicide #suicidal thoughts

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ua-list · 6 years

Note

one of my friends are in ur server. constantly being ignored. they talk a fuckton and u guys just choose to ignore it because you have a friendgroup on there that nobody gets in to. all of the minor characters ( that meaning in the show, ones who probably only signed up for said char because all the other ones were taken ) seem to get thrown away for all the plots started. they take screenshots of that server too.. so i see everything. and you do realize that some ppl probs have mad anxiety (1/2

and are rlly afraid of asking ppl for plots?? so what do you do, then? they were really happy to join an rp group, get stomped on and ignored, and are too socially awkward to actually do anything about it. they get kicked out for inactivity or whatever you guys do with ghost blogs, etc. that's shitty. side note: please don't call me a chucklefuck in your chats. im right. 💕💕💕💕💕

a ps ) mods. mods with status. all of you are fuckin queen bees, i guess. as well as a few ppl who play major chars in 1.a ( ie shoto, kami, baku ).

hmm alright.

-we can not do anything if you don’t speak up about it. if your friend felt ignored and they had come to us about it, we would have been able to do more to make them feel included. the server itself realistically has over 50 people on it. we can not control how other people react to your friend. you may also need to re-evaluate just how much your friend perceives the server because of their anxiety, as most of the regulars are 1) very welcoming to new people/each other and 2) are not aware that they have felt that way and would have done anything they could to change that, should they have known. because, again, a lot of them are very accommodating, but none of them, myself included, can read your minds.

-and i’m going to say it again because you and your friends can’t seem to get this no one can read your mind and you don’t talk about it with us we can’t do anything to help you. i understand you have anxiety. most, if not all of the server, has some sort of mental illness. if that is the reason you can’t speak with us, that’s valid, but it’s not an excuse. you can not try and use your mental illness against us because that is not fair. lots of us also have traumatic backgrounds. i’m someone who suffers from schizophrenia, among other disorders. we understand. we will accept you. but not if bullshit tactics are used against us because that’s not fair to us, and if you’re not going to be fair to us, there’s no way you can accept similar treatment towards yourself. that’s just not realistic.

-speaking of realism, realistically you need to talk to people to get things you want. also realistically, people are not required to give you what you want, if you ask for it or otherwise. i don’t know what you’ve come across but maybe consider the feelings of other people as well.

-there are plenty of minor characters right now that have plenty of plot. here’s a convenient list, because i see you’re keeping up with the server/blog but not enough to actually realize this! understandable! so, off the top of my head, inasa, seiji, sen kaibara, kamakiri, intelli, rei todoroki, bakugou’s parents, etc etc, they all have complex plots because they’re being active in getting them. there are plenty of others (au characters especially included) who are on that same level or getting there. there is also, of course, plenty of accounts that ARE being more neglected, and this is something that i’m about to go on about in an attempt to lessen this but i also can’t stress that if you are feeling neglected it is LARGELY based on the activity of your blog.

-speaking of which! and i’m sorry to tell you this, but activity is a requirement for most organized rp groups. if it’s something your friend isn’t comfortable with, a more lenient group may be more for them. the rule about activity isn’t a punishment, it’s to make things fair for other rper’s who want to put the work in on a character you are otherwise neglecting, for whatever reason! we have a lot of people interested in joining the group who might have more fun with it, and also might be able to deal with the pressures of owning a rp blog better.

-if you are not active on your blogs or in the discord your character will be ignored because people can not read your mind and if you are NOT active they will NOT know that you are available for interaction. this is a fact.

-activity does not mean asks, it does not mean plots, it means post on your blog at least once a week. i can’t stress how important this is BECAUSE:

-a good way to try and get interaction and try to get plots if you have anxiety about it is to make open threads.

an open thread will allow other characters to interact with yours without the need for plotting beforehand. however, please know that no one is required to answer an open thread, especially if they can’t find anything in it that vibes with that particular post. thus, the more open threads, the more opportunity for interaction you have!

we also now have the groupchat discord, which has allowed for VERY easy plotting and should be utilized more for minor characters who are struggling to fit in. the problem with minor characters (which we are aware of) is that they usually don’t have connections with characters that can allow them an easier time integrating into the group. again, multiple of the minor characters have found some good grounding doing just that.

-everyone needs to consider the feelings of other roleplayers as well and try and reach out just as much as they are asking people to reach out to them.

if you can not reach out, please consider the other two options ie. open threads or the group chat.

-the inactivity rule is also pretty lenient, we are not nearly as strict on it as we probably could be. also, if there is a personal issue that is keeping someone from roleplaying, all they need to do is contact one of the mods and they will receive an approved hiatus where they can take the time they need. however if this is not communicated we can not know that there is something wrong and we will assume disinterest and claim the blog back.

anyway since you’re still receiving screenshots, i assume that your friend is still in the server! wonderful! i’m sure you’ve also been privy to a lot of out-of-context screenshots, which is lovely. i hope you’ve also been sent a few on the matter being discussed now within it. i won’t apologize for the members and how they are handling this because i can understand their reactions. while i’m not hurt by these messages, they’ve hurt other people. there are plenty of vastly more mature ways this matter could be dealt with. again, if your problem is with certain people, you could have messaged me or the other people involved... since all you’re doing by contacting this blog is contacting me or most all the people you mentioned in your previous ask, through far more roundabout means. anon messages without context are always going to be taken more harshly, which means it’ll be even harder to find some sort of solution, if you’re actually looking for one.

which, honestly, it doesn’t sound like it.

so, again, i encourage you to message my blog if you’d like to continue this! i’m fine with continuing it here though if you’re more comfortable. just know that you are actually kind of in the wrong here, haha. the problem may not be the group itself and may just be your friend being uncomfortable with the usual rp format that a lot of people are either very well-versed in, or are currently learning alongside each other.

again, i’d like to help if i can, just stop being such a brat about it. if you only care about your friend’s feelings and not the feelings of the people in this group, i can’t fault you on that. i really only ask for maturity on an issue that really doesn’t need to be as extreme as it currently is. thank you!

PS: thank you for pointing out the people you have a problem with! it’s completely unfounded and also unfair considering this is, again, 1) very common for mods of characters with main roles 2) not even accurate because quite honestly i see plenty of the minor characters having just as much if not more plots than a lot of the main characters, just based on activity and the schedule of the mods. and THAT is honestly none of your business, lol, but again, that’s something i’m sure most people would prefer you talk to them about rather than vagueing them in a public setting

#also i'm pretty sure i know who this is lol so when you want to talk to me about this privately. again. feel free #cursing us out and complaining about stuff isn't going to do anything #it just makes me think you all enjoy causing problems for not only everyone but also yourself #because you are being offered the chance to actually fix things but instead nope you're just going to keep whining so okay #and if it's not who i'm assuming it is then i apologize of course #this IS anon so i only have my guesses uwu #mod ricky #Anonymous #ask tag

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goodnightkisseu · 6 years

Text

Park Jihoon - Rival [Part 2]

Requested By: Anon ^^ (Enemies to Lovers)

Genre: Slight angst and fluff at the end

Parts: [Part 1] [Part 2]

Note: Part 2 of Jihoon’s fic, Rival is done! I hope that everyone enjoys this last part. It was actually an interesting one for me to put together so I’m really glad to the anon who requested it. ^^ Up next I have a couple of shorter scenarios/fics for Jinyoung and Minhyun that I’m finishing up, as well as a soulmate series that I’m starting to plan out, so please look forward to all of those. Requests are always open so feel free to send in your requests! And I think that’s it! Enjoy! ^^

- goodnightkisseu’s admin <3

“Hey,” Jihoon said out of the blue, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you. “Can I ask you something?”

“If you’re going to ask me why I was so stupid and picked the wrong room, then you can just stop right there. I already know I screwed up. I don’t need to be reminded again…” you shot back, preemptively assuming what the male across from you would say.

He sighed, rolled his eyes slightly, but let the comment go. “For your information, that wasn’t what I was going to ask you. I have a serious question. Now, can I ask it, or not?”

“I guess…” you mumbled, nodding in the slightest to give him the go ahead.

“Why do you hate me so much?” he asked, his question straightforward, not wanting to mince any words. Jihoon had known for a while now that you had problems with him, but he didn’t know how it had developed into hate. Sure, he teased you a lot and probably caused some of this hate all on his own, but he honestly had no idea what else could have led to your ill feelings about him. He thought that everything had been okay at first. The two of you had rather pleasant conversations… so what was with the sudden change?

“I don’t –”

“Don’t do that. I know full well that you don’t like me. We’re stuck here anyway, so why don’t you just be honest about it? I mean, what else are we going to do while we wait for the custodian to show up? Might as well let it out,” he suggested, locking eyes with you momentarily. Jihoon wasn’t entirely sure, but he could have sworn that his words sparked something in you because you sat up at that point, looking directly at him.

He…wanted to know why you didn’t like him? Was he serious? Because, if that was what he wanted, then you were more than ready to speak your mind about it. Deep down you knew you always wanted to say these things out loud and now he was giving you an opportunity to do it… and you were going to take full advantage of it. “You really want to know why I hate you so much?” you reiterated, wanting to make sure that he was completely serious about it. He gave you a simple nod and you let out a light sigh in response.

“I hate that everything seems so easy for you. We’re interns, so we get the work that our manager and our team doesn’t want to do. However, while I’m still trying to finish up my first task, you’re already on your third. It could be that I’m slow at what I do, and that’s fine, I’m still learning how to be efficient in this environment. But have you ever heard what our coworkers say? They’re always talking about how, ‘oh Jihoonnie is such a good worker. He gets things done so quickly. Maybe we should have only hired one intern.’ Do you know how much it hurts to hear those things?” you questioned, the male sitting across from you having grown quiet.

“Even from the social aspect of our office you had an easier time than I did. When I started here, two month before you did, no one wanted to talk to me. They told me that they were asked to take on an intern because their department hadn’t had one in a while and they needed to create opportunities for students. I had to work hard to get the attention of those that worked around me, show that I wanted to be there, and that was when they started to notice me. But even simple things like going out to lunch with them was difficult. They never invited me until much later. With you… your second day here and people were already coming to your desk to welcome you. Hell, they even threw you a freaking welcome party. They never did anything like that for me…”

“And the thing that I hate the most about you was how easy it was for you to get this job. I mean, your friend’s dad is the CEO of the company for crying out like. Like, did you even have to go through that painstaking interview process, Jihoon? Do you know how much someone like me stressed about this interview? How unsure I was about getting this job? How many other internships I had applied for, only to be rejected because I didn’t have the necessary experience for them? Do you know how hurt I was mentally when you can strolling in, the office instantly loves you, and you’re actually damn good at your job? It makes me wonder why I even bother trying if I’ll never be able to do as well as you. After we turn in our marketing strategies… I honestly would be surprised if they don’t ask me back…”

Your words trailed off as you hugged your legs closer to your frame, burying your face into them. If it was one thing you didn’t want, it was for Park Jihoon to see you cry. The jerk would probably just make fun of you for it.

Part of you had expected to hear laughing or maybe a quick snarky remark from Jihoon, but he said nothing. Instead, you heard shuffling feet as Jihoon moved around, which confused you even more. You weren’t entirely sure what was going on, but you didn’t want to look up to find out either. Your eyes were already dewy and he would definitely know that you were on the verge of tears if he saw you.

The footsteps eventually stopped and what happened next, you weren’t expecting. You felt something landing on top of you, covering your form as you froze on the spot, your body tensing up. Your curiosity getting the better of you caused you to lift your head ever so slightly to see a jacket draped over you, completely obscuring you from the only other person in the room.

“If you need to cry, you can. I promise I won’t look or cause a fuss since it’s probably something you wouldn’t want me to witness anyway. I’ll pretend like it didn’t happen…” Jihoon said softly, his voice sounding closer to you than it had before. You assumed that he was sitting next to you now, but probably staring off in a different direction.

His action, though considerate, did irk you a bit. How could someone that you hated so much read you so well? Why did he always have to have all of the answers? “I-I wasn’t going to cry,” you retorted, not wanting to allow him to be right. You poked your head ever so slightly out from under his jacket to address him. “I’m not as weak and fragile as you think I am,” you muttered.

“I didn’t say you were weak and I didn’t mean to insinuate it. I just meant that, everyone deserves to have a good cry every now and then. When they let things build up to a level like yours, it can be exhausting and emotionally draining when they finally allow all of it to come flowing out. Sometimes, you just need to cry,” he explained. “If that’s not what you need right now, then that’s fine. Do you at least feel better, getting that off your chest?” he asked, still not facing you, but discreetly peeking at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Y-yes…” you mumbled, realizing now that he had asked you why you hated him to give you a chance to rant. Your demeanor lately must have really given it away or else he probably wouldn’t have asked such a thing. It also made you feel a bit bad for saying such nasty things about him. Then again, this was Park Jihoon. Did things like that even bother him? Did he even care?

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like a chance to clear up some of those things you mentioned.”

“I knew you weren’t just going to let me have it,” you retorted quickly, sending a pout his way. He really was the type that needed to have the last word. Yet, in this case… maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. He had listened to you complain about him, and that was more than anyone else would have done. Might as well hear him out too. “I guess for this once, it’ll be okay. So go for it. Defend yourself.”

As you peered over at him, you couldn’t help but see his lips curl into a small smile. Was he glad that you were letting him speak his mind too? That didn’t seem like a very Jihoon-like thing to do. It didn’t match the image that you had of him… and you couldn’t help but wonder if you had been a bit too harsh on him.

“Look, you are right. I did get this job because Jinyoung and I are really good friends and his father offered me the position. I didn’t have to go through the same stressful series of interviews here as you did, and I know that, in and of itself, is unfair. I can’t deny that, but something you should know was that this place wasn’t my first choice. Like you, I had applied to other companies that I felt would fit me better. I applied to teams where their marketing departments drew my eye, but much like you I was rejected for my lack of experience. I only landed here because my parents basically told Jinyoung’s dad to hire me behind my back,” he explained.

“I’m not going to say that this made me angry. I would now have a job on my resume that could help me get future jobs. The only thing was, I didn’t want to get the job in this way. I would have much rather have gone through the proper application channels, because, getting my job this way, felt stressful in its own way. I felt like I was being held to a higher standard because I didn’t enter the same way everyone else did. I felt like I had to work harder. The reason why I’m getting my stuff done before you isn’t because I’m some sort of marketing genius. I do a lot of the assignments when I get home from work and sometimes even early in the morning before work. It seems like I’m getting this stuff done during our regular office hours, but I’m really not.”

“And as far as people liking me more than you… that’s honestly because I’m friends with Jinyoung and they’re trying to suck up to me. The way they talk to me is really kind and sweet, but it’s obvious they want something out of it. It’s not because I’m the life of the party or anything, they’re just playing office politics.”

“I’m not saying that these things should make you hate me less or that you shouldn’t hate me at all. I get where you’re coming from. If I were you, I’d hate me too. I’ve been given a lot of special treatment and I know it. I’m sorry that my actions have made you feel like you were less than me. You aren’t,” he told you firmly. “You work hard and the quality of your work is amazing. Your planning work is honestly some of the best I’ve seen and your determination is admirable. You won’t be losing your job any time soon. I think everyone appreciates your work, they just haven’t said it. And if, for some reason, you are on the chopping block, I’m more than willing to fight for you to stay. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Why… why are you being so nice to me? Do you have plans to sabotage me later?” you asked, still cautious of the male next to you. He had now contradicted everything that you had grown to associate with him, and that made you wary.

“I promise it’s nothing like that. I mean everything that I just told you. You’re doing great work and you should keep focusing on producing all of that wonderful work. You’re doing well and you shouldn’t compare yourself to someone like me,” he reassured you, a small smile forming on his lips. “So can we call a truce now? I don’t know if I can stand you glaring at me all of the time at work,” he teased.

“Excuse you, you deserve it,” you countered. You were about to give him a response to his inquiry, but before you could, the door to the room opened and you were greeted by a very surprised looking custodian. He asked you what the two of you were doing in here, and JIhoon was quick to explain the situation so that there were no misunderstandings. The custodian nodded, telling the two of you that this door had been broken for years and that the staff usually propped it open, before moving out of the way and letting the two of you exit.

As you walked side by side back to your desks, your hand still clutching Jihoon’s jacket, you felt like he had a point. You hated him, but maybe it wasn’t exactly for the right reasons. He was a hard worker too, put in a strange situation. He didn’t necessarily deserve you glaring or giving him a hard time.

“Jihoon,” you started as the male to your side looked over at you. “We can call a truce,” you told him, handing him his jacket, murmuring a soft ‘thank you.’ “But if you do something dumb, don’t think I won’t call you out on it. I’ll be watching.”

Jihoon chuckled and nodded. “Deal. I wouldn’t have it any other way…”

~* Eight Months Later… *~

“Hey!” a familiar voice called out as the individual came running out of the building after you, his pace slowing when he finally caught up. His steps easily fell into place with yours as he caught his breath. “Leaving without me today?”

“I saw you talking with Jinyoung and figured that you guys would be heading out together. I didn’t want to interrupt,” you told Jihoon as he chuckled in response.

“Oh, that was nothing. He just had a question about someone we knew. I think he’s trying to set up one of his other friends,” he replied. “You should have just walked over though. The two of you haven’t really met yet and he’s a good friend of mine. He’s a perfectly nice guy.”

You vehemently shook your head. “Nu-uh, no way. I do not want the entire female population of our office coming after me for, not only dating you, but also for hanging out with the handsome son of the CEO too. No thanks. I like living. I’ll meet him some other time,” you told him. “Seriously, every time we leave together, they glare at me. Like full on glare!”

“Well now you know how I felt when you used to glare at me. It’s not fun, is it,” he retorted, earning himself a light hit on the arm as you didn’t appreciate the reminder that you used to glare daggers into your now boyfriend.

After the two of you had that talk, you became more understanding of Jihoon. Sure, the two of you didn’t become the best of friends overnight, but you were more aware of his situation, of the expectations placed on him and how he had to work that much harder to meet them. You were the first to initiate a civil conversation with him and eventually the two of you were talking on a regular basis again. You would often confide in each other about parts of the work you were struggling on and you both came to realize that it was more effective for you each to do the parts of the projects that you were confident in. Jihoon always had brilliant ideas and visions and could probably sell anything to anyone. You were good at figuring out how to implement these ideas and presenting them in a concise way. It was a working situation that created some rather outstanding plans, much to the surprise of your boss. So it wasn’t too shocking when the company decided to hire you both on full-time, as a pair, for marketing campaigns.

Through those three months the two of you became extremely close and eventually, one night, when you were working late, Jihoon asked you out. It felt like it had come out of nowhere, but he told you that he had been thinking about it a lot. And if you were going to be honest with yourself, your feelings for him had come back in full force so it didn’t take too much for you to say yes. It was a relationship that was now five months old and you honestly didn’t know what it would be like for you during really busy periods if he wasn’t there. Sure, the two of you would have disagreements from time to time, and you saw each other day in and day out, but you made it work.

Even though things were great between the two of you, there was something that was still bothering you. As you were walking home with Jihoon, hand in hand, that thing crossed your mind as the two of you waited at the crosswalk. “Hey Jihoon…” you started, giving his hand a light squeeze to get his attention.

“Yes?” he asked, turning his attention towards you.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything. What’s up?”

“Back then, when you first started at the company, why did you never text me back? You know, after we kissed at the party…?”

Jihoon stifled a chuckle. “Well that came out of nowhere…”

“Oh shush. It’s really been bugging me for a long time, okay…”

Jihoon quirked a brow as the two of you made your way across the street. The question seemed moot at this point seeing as the two of you had kissed numerous times since, but he figured he’d humor you. “You’re talking about that time at my welcome party, right? I did text you back.”

“Uh, no you didn’t. Are you sure you weren’t texting one of the other girls you gave your number to, because I never got it,” you said adamantly as your boyfriend nodded.

“I am one hundred percent sure that I texted you back. I remember you asking me about it and I told you I kissed you because I liked you… but you never responded. I even double checked that it was to you. I’m pretty sure that you’re the one that dropped the ball back then,” he replied.

Your steps slowed to a stop as the two of you stood there, just looking at each other. “I never got that message, I swear. Wait a minute, you liked me back then?!” you asked, your voice raising a couple of octaves when you realized that he had liked you this whole time, and that you were the one that was being a bit of a jerk.

Jihoon chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your torso, bringing you closer to him as he placed a kiss on your forehead. “I did, and I obviously still do. I just thought you hated me so much back then that I wouldn’t be able to change your mind. So I didn’t try pursuing you right away.”

“I don’t hate you now,” you responded sweetly, your face getting a little warm as that smile on Jihoon’s lips grew.

“And for that, I’m glad,” he replied, leaning in to give you a light kiss before reaching for your hand, the two of you continuing the rest of the trip home, hand in hand…

#wanna one #park jihoon #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #kpop scenarios

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poipoi1912 · 7 years

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Barba Theories Part 4

Another roundup of (my thoughts on) your thoughts!

(Part 3 here, with all the pertinent links. I’d reblog and add a comment there, but I figure a new post will spare your dash, lol)

Again, I’ll separate this into personal/professional drama. I truly hope I didn’t miss any of your theories, but I may have, between the asks and the replies and the reblogs. Sorry if I did <3

Professional Misconduct

@all-things-raul-esparza mentioned William Lewis, along with an extremely accurate observation:

What if it has to do with William Lewis? Benson perjured herself during that trial and iirc Barba had at least some kind of knowledge/idea about it?

In this case he wouldn’t be able to go to Benson for help but she could also be involved in the episode (because we all know that there is no chance in hell that an episode can focus completely on a character other than Olivia Benson).

True that. I really want to see how Benson finds out, and if she scolds Barba, both for not telling her and for doing whatever it is he did. I imagine all the detectives will learn of Barba’s “secret” together, either via their investigation or via Barba finally coming clean (like he did about the death threats), and I think Liv will take that super-personally. Maybe we’ll get a reversal of the Tucker conversation, with Liv feeling betrayed this time, like @larkin21 mentioned here.

@emmabean517 agreed:

I like the William Lewis theory and it makes sense because he literally was like here take your grand jury testimony memorize it because we need to get this guy….

I could see that. My initial thoughts were that Barba can’t go to Benson because he doesn’t want to implicate her, but this would make sense too. That she’s already implicated, so Barba is desperate (and does that ill-advised thing) to help her, too. Not just himself. Maybe they’re both in this together, and that’s why Liv can’t know. @leaper182 also brought up October Surprise, by the way, and that would also be a great callback. Maybe we’ll finally find out what happened to the Full Muñoz.

@emmabean517 had another extremely interesting theory:

my other thought would be it somehow relates to his death threats and that he’s not receiving emails or something and he’s either paid the people off which I’m not sure would like that bad or he has started doing favors for the people threatening him or reducing charges or punishments or something

That would be amazing! If they managed to tie the death threats into this. If Barba is being steadily blackmailed, doing “small” favors for the people threatening him (maybe offering deals for a more lenient sentence or dropping charges for “minor” offenses etc) in exchange for, well, his life, that would be both shady and understandable. Or if he’s paying them off in regular installments (which is information a hacker would definitely have access to).

I kind of love this idea.

Plus, it could work on two levels, because there’s a good chance Barba’s “ill-advised action” will be to pay off the hacker (who is also the perp, right?). Like, there’s Barba’s secret (which is career-threatening and involves potential misconduct) but then there’s that additional thing Barba does, after he becomes aware his secret is about to be revealed but before he tells Liv. For example, what if he offers to reduce the charges brought against the hacker/perp? Even if we disregard the death threats (which the writers clearly have), Barba will be facing a new threat, and maybe this is how he’ll respond to it.

Personal Misconduct

Again, a lot of you feel this could be it, and maybe you’re right.

@darkmeadow sent me an ask saying:

I have been burned by these writers too many times to think it will be something character-changing. So I agree with you that whatever it is probably won't be mentioned after that episode. For some reason, I really don't see it being something illegal. Barba is so smart, he wouldn't use his work email to confess or talk about a crime he committed or a law he bent to his own purposes. So that only leaves personal; maybe an inappropriate relationship? Ugh, it all kind of feels like a cheap trick

That’s what I think as well, about Barba being careful not to leave any evidence of any illegal shenanigans. But what kind of personal secret would threaten his career? An affair? So what? I mean, who is he fucking, lol? The DA, and that’s how he got the job? The DA’s spouse, and he wants to hide it? A convicted criminal? D:

If Barba is involved with someone mildly ‘inappropriate,’ like a cop or another ADA or a defense attorney like Rita, would that be “so big”? Who gives a crap? Unless “career-threatening” doesn’t necessarily mean “OMGGG A TERRIBLE SECRET!" and it just means "Barba might have to step down from his position at the DA’s office and go into private practice and make a lot of money”. Which is pretty underwhelming, if you ask me.

But what if he is having an affair and that’s the reason he did something illegal? A combo of the two? What if he shielded his significant other (who could be married, or a politician, or a defense attorney, etc) from scrutiny? What if his (current or former) significant other did something illegal and Barba covered it up, and now he’s forever implicated in that scandal? A sort-of redo of October Surprise?

Overall Comments

The emotion-toying anon sent me several comments, one of which I’ll post here (also, ET anon lol, I’m totally with you on the Sonny/Barba stuff and their potential, but I don’t think Benson’s possible FBI love interest is in any way involved with the Barba episode):

Can I just say how pissed off I am this Barba plot is in this POS season? Any other and we could have had Barba opting not to go to Liv but [trying to] soliciting help from Carisi; the cop he's closest to aside from Liv and who can talk to lawyer to lawyer. You'd have Carisi's lawyer/cop dilemma, and the "I'm going along with this bc I trust you, but I'm not sure we're going about this the right way" a la 17.05 - and then the fallout for both when Liv finds out.

hehehehe Seriously though, it would be great if Barba turned to Sonny, like he did when the death threats hit, but this season that’s a pipe dream. I think Barba will turn to outside assistance, or he’ll take matters into his own hands. Because God forbid the writers integrate Barba as a character, and show him interacting with all his colleagues.

That said, I’m curious to see how the other detectives react. I hope we don’t just get Liv’s reaction lol what am i saying To be fair, though, we never did get Liv’s reaction to the death treats, so maybe now is the time?

Several anons asked if I think this could be setting up Barba’s exit (here’s an example):

Do you think Barba's Secret is a strategy to get rid of the character?

My answer is “maybe?” Again, I’m 90% sure this will be the standard “dramatic” character-centric episode, where Barba goes through something intense which is never mentioned again. But if Raul does want to leave (which I have no way of knowing), this could certainly jumpstart his exit. For what it’s worth, Raul is still filming, so whatever happens might happen during the season finale. We’ll have several more Barba episodes to look forward to, at the very least.

Lastly, a sweet anon sent me this, and I completely agree:

weirdly comforting to read all your barba theories, even the sad / scary ones, just to see other people flipping out as much as me! i hope it is something to do with him being a good person but it's scary he can't even go to benson about it when she's his best friend :(

I'm glad you find comfort in these posts. That’s why I make them, so we can all flip out together :D

I’m with you, I just hope this doesn’t tarnish Barba’s character. Frankly, I don’t think it will. It’ll probably be something reckless, showing us that Barba can be a hothead, and maybe willing to bend the rules when it suits him (which we kinda knew already), but it won’t be something terrible.

Hopefully.

#rafael barba #olivia benson #svu #law and order svu #barba thoughts #speculation #thanks for all the comments guys #i'm loving them #so many great ideas #let's hope the episode is as creative as you are #lol it won't be #but let's hope anyway

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