#completemessash

[completemessash]

Mistletoe (a.i.)

notes: just some xmas time fluff 🥰

Warnings: none

xxx

"Y/N", your friend Crystal poked your shoulder and you turned to look at her.

You had been watching some of your friends try to figure out a card game but Crystal took your attention with a nod towards the door that connected the living room to the entrance hall.

Ashton was standing there, leaning on the door frame with a glass of what seemed to be juice in hand.

His dirty blonde hair was illuminated by the light shining in the hall, making him look like there was a halo around him. His eyes crinkled as he also watched your friends play games, the hazel in them shimmering.

You raised your eyebrows at Crystal, trying to stay calm. God, why was he always so beautiful? He was just standing there, but he looked beautiful.

"Look at the door", Crystal whispered when you looked back at her again.

"No, higher up", she whispered when you looked at the side of the door frame that Ashton wasn't leaning on.

Higher up, right above him, was something green. Oh, absolutely not!

"Come onnn!", the tall brunette next to you gave you a light shove.

"Crystal, no", you took a step closer towards the couch, thus away from him.

"If not now then when?"

You bit your lip, knowing she was right. But you couldn't just -

"We'll say I forced you if it goes wrong"

Damn Crystal and her stupid smart ideas.

"But I -"

"Just a harmless Christmas tradition"

Your feet wouldn't budge though. Crystal kept explaining her master plan to you, while your mind was running in circles: What if someone saw? What if you tried to do it and he pulled away and you just ran into the door?

No, it was now or never, you could blame Crystal.

You took a deep breath, one last glance towards the couches to make sure no one was paying attention and before you could attempt to change your mind, you started putting one foot in front of the other.

Crystal was whisper cheering behind you and you were blushing before you even reached him.

He was intently watching your friends - Michael and Luke were currently trying to tear cards out of each other's hands - not noticing you. His tall figure loomed over you - even the underside of his jaw was beautiful.

Okay, you couldn't just stand here, waiting until he noticed you or worse, the others would.

"A- Ash?", you couldn't even get his full name out, your voice breaking on just the three letters.

You gulped when he looked at you, trying your best not to freeze under his hazel gaze. In your mind you heard Crystal cheering you on and you did it.

Pushing yourself on your tip toes to reach him, you leaned forward, almost losing your balance and falling into his chest in the process, and quickly pressed your lips against his.

Barely one or two seconds went by, then you rushed past him and down the hallway. What were you thinking? More importantly, what now?

"Ash! I spent hours - hey!", Michael was complaining loudly.

Then you heard footsteps quickly coming closer. Not good, really not good.

"Y/N", you suppressed an embarassed whimper when he called your name. He'd only said it a few times before as you always kept your distance a little.

You were ready to apologize when you turned around but the words got stuck in your throat yet again. He had that expression on his face.

The one where his eyes lit up, they were big, almost innocent, and glistening. His lips were slightly parted - you wanted to squeek from how cute he looked... or maybe faint.

He slowly took two more steps, so he was standing right in front of you and you had to lift your head again to meet his eyes. He tilted his head, not saying anything either, while his gaze slid over your face.

"Why did you rush away?"

You shrugged, averting your eyes to where your toes almost touched. Your face could've probably been used to cook eggs on when you felt his fingertips under your chin, lifting it until you looked into his eyes again.

"Sorry", you mumbled but he shook his head, his dimples indenting his cheeks when he smiled now.

"I didn't even get to feel it and you were already running off... Oh"

The sound was so badly acted, fake surprise displaying on his face paired with that cheeky grin. You followed his gaze to where he was looking at something above you.

"You're literally holding that up"

"No, I'm not", he grinned. His hand was above you, holding a clearly ripped up piece from the mistletoe in the door frame above your head.

"Sucks but what can you do", he sighed dramatically, his dimples getting deeper and deeper.

He waited until you couldn't help but smile back, then he bent down to your height, giving you enough time to pull away, but you didn't.

When his lips touched yours again and his hand carefully cupped your cheek, you felt like falling to the floor.

His lips felt raw but soft at the same time, warm and comforting. His body, the hand on your face, the other carefully tapping your own hand and intertwining your fingers - you'd never felt anything as wonderful as this.

There was nothing rushed about this kiss, time stopped for you to savour this moment.

Neither of you tried to change that or even wanted to and when you finally pulled apart, you could see the same heat you felt in your own face covering his. Ashton's cheeks were reddened, even the tip of his nose slightly blushing.

"And you couldn't have done that without ruining my expensive decorations?"

Ashton picked up the piece of mistletoe that had at some point fallen to the floor and while he threw it back at Michael, laughing when his friend kept complaining, you could see Crystal making excited gestures behind her husband.

When his fingertips danced down your wrist and linked your fingers with his, you were thankful that she had convinced you to go for it and kiss him.

xxx

xmas flufffff 💗❤️❤️💞❤️

[tinyglitterrose]

thank you to @completemessash for telling me how they made their masterlist <3

[completemessash]

You Need Care (l.h.) - Part 1

notes: first luke one, yayyy!

it's multichapter again but it didn't feel right to put the smut right into the same post as this - i'm so mentally unstable lmao, sad stuff is the most fun to write tho, love sad stuff🥰😂

WARNINGS: mentions of self harm, depression, self hate, it's sad stuff and angst, fluff and no smut yet

xxx

"Please hurt me"

Luke's head snapped up.

"What?"

"Please hurt me", you repeated, your eyes showing no signs that you might be joking.

Your boyfriend's eyebrows furrowed as he sat up straight on the couch.

"What?", he asked once more, "Y/N -"

"Please", you almost whispered. You felt so anxious, you just wanted to cry and you wanted to feel something.

"I would never-", he stood up, walking the few steps over to you, "I would never do that, Y/N"

Luke took your hands in his, squeezing them when he immediately noticed the way you avoided eye contact and your lower lip was quivering.

"Talk to me", he said quietly, "What's going on?"

You started chewing on your lip, staying quiet as you shrugged weakly.

But Luke was patient, he waited until you were ready to talk, and he listened when you finally whispered: "I don't feel good."

He squeezed your hands in encouragement to keep ypu talking.

"And just... I... you know, pain makes me forget about the emotional pain, so I thought we could..."

"Y/N", Luke's serious expression made you bite your quivering lip, "Are you trying to insinuate that we have a painful sexlife for you to use it like self harm?"

"It's - Luke, it's not a 'painful' sex life"

"I know, I worded that weirdly", he smiled for a split second, "but you didn't answer my question"

And you continued to stay quiet, which was his answer.

"Y/N", he whispered, pulling you closer so you were standing in between his legs. He looked up at you for another moment, eyes glassy, then he wrapped his arms tightly around your middle and pressed his face into your tummy.

You expected him to let go again but he didn't. He just kept hugging you tightly, not moving an inch, not saying a word.

"Luke?", your voice quivered still.

He just shook his head and pressed himself closer to you.

"I want you to know", he finally said, well, mumbled into your belly, "that I would never ever hurt you. And you shouldn't want to hurt yourself. I understand you want that but you need care, not pain."

"Don't make me cry", you warned, voice barely a whisper. You knew he was right but you had never been cared for the way you craved, and when you had asked for it you had been pushed away, not taken seriously.

But now Luke was here and he wanted to give you all you wanted. All you needed. But you had never had someone like him your whole life and it scared you. Made you want to push him away.

You told him this and he nodded along. He understood you, he had feelings like that, too, sometimes.

"M gonna take care of you, baby", he whispered, big blue eyes looking up at you, "M gonna love you, I love you"

You bit your lip harder, breaking it a little even, as you let yourself be pulled down into Luke's lap on the bed and then turned around and laid down.

Luke immediately crawled next to you, his curly head laid on your chest, his cheek pressed over your heart, arm draped safely over your stomach and one of his thighs inbetween yours.

You both laid on the soft sheets for a while, not saying anything as your tears silently fell. Luke knew what you needed, he knew exactly what you needed.

And he knew when you had calmed down, relaxed enough so he leaned on his elbows, bracing you under him and began pressing featherly soft kisses onto your collarbones, shoulders, chin and neck.

He kept mumbling small "I love you"s and "you're so gorgeous, my beautiful girl" into your skin.

You felt weak but that was okay. Your boyfriend was taking care of you like no one ever had before.

You didn't know how to handle it, but Luke assured you that that was okay. "Just relax, I'll do everything, just lay here, baby", he said quietly. His smile as he said that was so genuine.

[completemessash]

You hate me, don't you? (Part 1)

notes: I’m having a bad day, then my family did nothing but berate me, I’m in my self-conscious feels today, so yeah, this imagine is intense, I would say, cuz writing this stuff makes me calm down. Be warned xx

Warnings: SMUT, degradation, dirty talk, fingering, humiliation

xxx

“You’re a bitch”

You looked up from where you had been sorting Luke’s makeup, so you would be ready to get started with your job once the band turned up. Working for 5 Seconds of Summer was your dream job, but you hadn’t expected to be treated like air.

Well, three of four members were polite, said hi, how are you and goodbye, and you didn’t expect any more, you only worked for them after all.

Ashton, though, seemed to have a problem with you. He hadn’t said a word to you once in the past two months, wouldn’t even look you in the eyes.

And now this.

“Huh?”, you made, meeting his hazel eyes for the very first time. You must have misheard him because you knew that this would not just be the first thing that Ashton Irwin would ever say to you.

“You’re a bitch”

Okaaay, so he did say that. But you had dealt with pissed off bosses before, so you took a slow and deep breath, then asked: “Mr Irwin, is there any way I can help you?”

His jaw visibly clenched upon seeing you stay this friendly.

“I want you to stop this bullshit”

“Excuse me, I am afraid I do not know what you-“

“You know what I fucking mean”, with two steps he was invading your personal space, crowding you against the makeup table.

He was towering over you and you were losing your composure. “I – I don’t know –“

“You’re trying to separate the band”

Your eyebrows shot up and your mouth opened. Flabbergasted was the only way to describe how you were feeling.

Before you could answer, he continued: “Don’t fucking try being stupid with me. You’re treating everyone with this fake friendly act but you ignore me. But I’ll tell you what, you won’t get me kicked out of the band”

“And I’ll tell you something, Mr Irwin”, you lifted your chin to get closer to his face in a hopefully intimidating way, “You treat me like I’m shit on your shoe all the time, so all I am doing is trying not to get on your nerves and stepping out of your way since you seem to dislike me so much. I don’t give a flying fuck about kicking you out of anything or what not”

Okay, maybe you had messed up the trying to stay professional thing by the end. You could definitely get fired for using such words towards him.

“You’re lying”, his voice was a dangerous whisper, “And I know you want me”

You blinked, irritated by his statement. “What?”

“You want me”, he repeated and you had to ball your hands up into fists to refrain from slapping him across the face for the arrogant tone he was using now, “It’s written all over your face. Bet you’re dripping for me already, aren’t you?”

You let out that long deep breath you had taken in earlier. “Listen”, you gave your best to not hiss at him, “not everyone thinks you’re the hottest shit alive. I know your ego is the size of a rocket ship but guess what, I am here to work not to fuck the oh so cool, oh so hot, oh so rich drummer”

His lips pressed together in a tight line like you had hit a nerve with those words.

“I know you’re lying”, he said through gritted teeth.

“Whatever”, you sighed, turning back around towards the makeup on the table, “I don’t have time for this, Mr Irwin, so if you’d excuse me, I have to prepare-“

“They’re not coming until in half an hour”, he said referring to his bandmates. Before you could say anything, he had gripped your waist, roughly pulling your body flush against him.

“Tell me you want me”, his voice was deep. Sadly so deep that you could feel yourself getting wet, just like he was so sure you were. Fuck him and his stupid cockiness.

“W-“

“Tell me”, he repeated, his long fingers pressing bruises into your hips, “I’ll let you go if you say you don’t want this. That won’t change the fact that your little pussy is clenching for me but I’ll let you go, I’m not a monster”

“I doubt that”, you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

You could feel his grip lessen at your words and you immediately felt bad for implyingly accusing him of pressuring you into anything you wouldn’t want. So you pushed back against his hips, pushing your ass into his crotch.

“You seem tiny”, you grumbled, knowing this was the weakest insult you could have thought of but you had to say something to try and keep up the act of totally not at all not even a little being into this.

“Sure”, he wasn’t even hurt by your words, which really annoyed you.

You wanted to make another comment, something about him being all talk and no action, but before you could speak up again, he had pushed your leggings that you were wearing under an oversized hoodie today, down, one hand still around your waist to keep you pressed against him, the other sliding into the front of your now exposed panties.

The groan the left him when he felt wetness coating his fingers as he pushed them between your lips, went right into your ear.

You had to bite your lip to keep from making any sounds as well. His long fingers rubbed over your entrance, up to your clit and back down, making you wet everywhere. He groaned again, when he had spread enough to easily glide up and down.

You tried hard to keep your face relaxed, trying not to give away how good his fingers felt, but when he pushed his pointer finger inside, your mouth dropped open and you couldn’t stop the small gasp from leaving your lips.

Without looking up, you knew Ashton was grinning in the most annoying and arrogant way right now. Two more fingers pushed inside you shortly after and just when you were considering dropping your pride and pushing back on them with a moan, he stopped.

“Told you, you’re wet for me”, Ashton said, scruffy chin resting on your shoulder when he pulled his hand out of your underwear to show you his glistening fingers.

The first time you had met Ashton Irwin’s eyes was already in a way you would not have thought, but the second time being when he was licking your juices off his own fingers was definitely not anything you would have ever expected.

[completemessash]

Updated Masterlist

last updated: 12/07/23

Ashton

Smut

Make you feel better

Impatient (Part 1)

You hate me, don't you? (Part 1)

Imagines

See Yourself Like I Do

I Would Never

Mistletoe

Luke

You Need Care (Part 1)

Michael

Calum

[completemessash]

I Would Never (a.i.)

notes: I know this is depressing but it was written for me by me. If you don't like it, just scroll past <3

Warnings: rejection, sad and well, the reality of being ugly

xxx

"Y/N, can we talk for a second?"

You looked up, meeting Ashton's eyes from where he was standing just a few feet away from you.

Too shy to say anything and already blushing, you nodded and followed him outside the house, away from the rest of the people that were having a fun barbecue. Ashton loved hosting them and he always allowed his closest friends to bring friends, hence why you were here. Again.

You knew what was coming, it had only been a matter of time until he would say something. You knew you were an annoying, awful person, you were just too boring.

"Sierra let something slip the other day", okay, so he got right to the point.

You hoped it wasn't what you thought it was but he said it: "You have a crush on me"

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. And you knew that he thought you wanted to date him and this conversation about to take place was him turning you down before you had even made a move so you quickly started talking before he could

"I would never try anything.", you said.

A confused expression washed over his face but you kept talking: "I swear. I would never and I don't intend to ever do so. Honestly, I don't even know how these things work. And don't worry, I'm working on making that crush go away. I mean I have no influence on it but I don't want it and I am actively working on getting rid of it and I will not ever try to - I don't know... chat you up?"

Your voice took a questioning tone at the end because you genuinely didn't know how people flirting with each other worked. You had only ever seen it in movies but everything went from zero to hundred there and you knew you wouldn't experience it yourself. Why would you try to get with a person that you don't find attractive? Exactly, you don't. Nobody cares, nobody cared about you.

You always acted like that was alright, but the process of coming to terms with this was still very much ongoing and unfinished.

"Oh", Ashton said after a minute of just looking at you and taking in your words, "So...okay, cool, that's cool. You know, I just wanted to say like I'm sorry but I don't feel that way towards you and -"

"No, don't worry about it, seriously, I know", you laughed and it sounded real, not broken, "No one does, don't worry about it"

Ashton's eyebrows scrunched up. He wanted to tell you something, something nice, something to say it wasn't true. But he was just as aware as you that it would have been lies, him expressing his pity for you being the way you were and destined to be lonely because no one wants an ugly partner. Ugly inside and ugly outside.

So all he did was nod, shrug and say: "Alright then, let's get back to the party?"

You smiled through the pain spreading in your body and agreed. Let's get back to the party.

[completemessash]

Impatient - Part 1 (a.i.)

notes: i started this the night before 5sos' perfomance at pal norte so that's where it takes place :)

Warnings: SMUT, Ashton x reader, blowjob, cum, well in this part only talking about those things, dirty talk and a horny drummer

xxx

“Ash, you need to get on stage soon”

“I know”, he mumbled against your skin, “But you’re so hot. Why would you wear this tiny outfit when you know I have to perform?”

“It’s not tiny at all”, you laughed, while half heartedly trying to push his head away from where he kept nipping at your neck and the top of your cleavage. And it really wasn’t all that tiny, you were wearing a dark pair of jeans and a crop top. Which was admittedly quite low cut and maybe you had chosen that top on purpose because you knew he couldn’t resist you, but it was nothing that you would count as ‘tiny’.

“I can’t help myself when you look like this, babe”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re sitting behind a drum kit, isn’t it?”, you smiled, feeling the hardness against your leg.

“Mhm”, his answer was distracted. His hands were pushing under the top, cupping your boobs into his hands and squeezing them. You were thankful that they all had individual backstage rooms this time, even though all of them – except Ashton – had probably already ended up in one together.

“Ash”, you laughed again, which turned into a small whine when he bit the skin on your collarbone, “How old are you? You’re acting like you’ve never seen a pair of boobs in your life”

He stopped, pouting up at you. “I’m offended”, he complained, “And besides, I’m not seeing any boobs right now”

“You have like then minutes-“

“Plenty of time”, he argued and you gave in. Not that you would have declined this, but it was fun to tease him when he got a little desperate.

In no time, he had gotten your top of, unclasping your bra with practiced fingers, lips searching your flesh as soon as it had fallen to the floor.

“You’re such a boob guy”

He stopped again, that offended look on his face again. “Why do you have to insult me so much today?”

“I’m not insulting you”, you grinned, “Simply stating facts.”

“Do you want my cum on your boobs or not?”, he asked, yup, he was impatient today.

But you weren’t done teasing him yet: “Oh, so I’m not even getting anything? Probably have to jerk you off, too, huh?”

“Well uh-“

“It’s okay, babe, we only have ten minutes, you can always promise to get me off once we’re back at the hotel”

He nodded eagerly, then mumbled something about only having eight or seven minutes now and fumbled to open his pants.

[completemessash]

Make you feel better (a.i.)

notes: this is my first post, yayyyy. feedback, reblogs and comment are greatly appreciated! also follow me for more and requests are open! ❤️

Warnings: boyfriend Ashton, established relationship, blowjob, swallowing, hair pulling, dirty talk, Ashton x reader

×××

Ashton's eyes were half closed as he stared at the ceiling. He had been working on new songs the past days, almost non stop and he was visibly exhausted.

You had offered him his favourite drink, to watch his favourite show with him and asked what he wanted to eat.

He had only replied with a shake of his head or a grunting sound that said no.

But you wanted to make him feel good, he deserved to feel better, he deserved everything.

"Ash?", you tried again, reaching out to brush your knuckles over his thigh.

His eyes slipped closed but he once again didn't say anything.

"Let me make you feel better", you whispered and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

Finally, his tired eyes met yours. "You don't have to do anything, baby. I'm just being a little dramatic."

You shook your head no immediately.

"You worked all week, babe"

"S just music"

"Which doesn't mean it can't be exhausting"

He bit his lip at that. He knew you were right but often he felt like he shouldn't complain about hos job when you worked a hard 9 to 5 job and he got to tour the world and write music.

"Okay?", you asked for reassurance and he smiled. He tried to hold it back by biting his lip once more but he couldn't hide his excitement from you.

"A little something would be nice, I can't deny that", he said coyly.

That was all you needed to slip off the couch and between his already willingly spread thighs.

Your nimble fingers opened his fly, tugging of his pants with your help and letting his underwear follow. He was only half hard but that would be changed soon.

"Babe", he murmured when you didn't start with what you both knew he wanted and instead kissed his hips, slightly biting the soft skin and occasionally 'accidentally' letting his cock brush your jaw or cheek.

His soft curved lips escaped a small gasp when you finally took his tip into your mouth. You made sure to keep your teeth hidden and your tongue dipping into his slit, while your left hand stroked his cock to full hardness.

"Y/N", he moaned your name when you leaned down further and took him into your mouth as far as you could. A pinch to his thigh indicated what you wanted him to do: use you.

"Fuck, fuck", he groaned when his hands grabbed onto your hair and pushed you down until your nose was just barely touching his pelvis. You were choking and struggling to keep breathing but it was okay. He needed this and you wanted to give him everything he wanted even if it meant you were going to die from it. Of course you weren't gonna die and he wouldn't let that happen but you knew that you would do it for him. And he would do the same for you.

An almost high pitched moan pulled you from your thoughts and brought you back to reality. Ashton was thrusting his hips up from the couch, fucking your mouth slowly with his hands still gripping your hair. But you wanted him to moan louder than those small sounds and his hands to be restlessly pulling while his hips stuttered.

So you increased your pace and soon he was following your wish.

"Y/N, fuck", he groaned as his hips gained speed and you felt tears brim your eyes, "You suck my dick so fucking good - love - love when you're such a g - good girl for me"

You let out an appreciative moan that made Ashton throw his head back on the couch, hips thrusting up even more and you had to sig your nails into his thighs to stop the urge to pull off. He was so far down your throat, you couldn't even imagine how sinful the outline of his big hard cock in your cheeks must have looked.

"I'm about to-", he warned you in case you wanted to pull of but you just moaned again and bobbed your head against his thrusts. He noticed the way you couldn't help but spread your own thighs, rolling your hips towards the floor to have it rub over your center but he didn't comment on it. You both knew he was going to do that later and you were already excited for the taunting way he would speak about you having to get yourself off because sucking him off made you so wet.

For now, you were both concentrated on Ashton's hard cock that was starting to twitch lightly in your mouth.

"Fuck, fuck, ah", he moaned louder than before and the same moment he pulled your hair so hard it stung just a little more than you were comfortable with, he cock was spurting into your mouth.

Hot cum was hitting the back of your throat and through watery eyes you watched his eyes squeeze shut and his mouth hang wide open. He was so hot when he was like this and even though you were well aware that you weren't the first one to see him like this, he had promised you often enough that he wanted you to be the last. He was made for you and he wanted you to keep him.

"Show me", his voice was raspy when he asked you, his softening dick resting on his hip.

You obeyed him, all to eager to be that good girl he had called you, and opened your mouth for him.

His fingers danced over your jaw as he hummed like he was considering whether he liked you showing him his cum that was slowly starting tö drip out one of the corners of your mouth so he had to push it back in with his fingers.

He loved it, you both knew that, it made him feel like you belonged to him.

"Good girl, baby", he finally approved and you smiled, then swallowed the sticky mess. For some reason you always loved the taste of it even though to most people cum was disgusting. Maybe it was just him and his tasted good. Too bad that no one else would ever taste it, you thought cockily.

"How do you feel?", you asked when you got off your knees, helping him back into his pants and cuddling into his side. Partly to make sure he wasn't going to get up and go right back to recording music.

"Good", he smiled and pressed a kiss to your swollen lips, "but shouldn't I be asking you that?"

You shrugged. "This was about you, Ash, just for you. Just wanted to make you feel better"

"I'm always better when you're with me"

He laughed when you called him a sap and hit his chest.

Later on, when he asked to repay the favor and you said he didn't have to but he was insisting because getting you off gave him just as much pleasure as you getting him off, you weren't calling him that anymore.

[completemessash]

See Yourself Like I Do (a.i.)

notes: i originally wanted to put smut into this, but it just felt wrong. so no smut :)

Warnings: sad oneshot, depressive thoughts, self hatred, soft boyfriend Ashton, comfort, Ashton x reader

×××

If there was one thing you could wish for it would be to be pretty.

You knew you shouldn't be complaining, you were dating Ashton Irwin after all and he must see something in you then but you couldn't help but be insecure more often than you felt confident in yourself.

Right now your boyfriend was out with his friends, partying at a club. Sometimes you joined him but today was one of those days where you didn't even like yourself with huge sweaters drowning your body. It just felt like you could feel every bit of skin, every bone and they were all ugly. So ugly, you just wanted to hide somewhere all alone but at the same time you really needed someone to be there with you. Someone to hug, to hold you while you're crying.

There were probably so many pretty girls at the club, so many girls that could be better for Ashton. Girls that he would be happier with than with you.

He had told you a few times that he wanted no one but you but you could never fully believe him. Why would he settle for an average at best girl like you when he could have the most beautiful stunning girls?

And you were here, all alone, in your dark bedroom. You didn't want to see any part of yourself, not a single one, not the bump of your body under the sheets and your arms were spread out instead of holding yourself because you hated the feeling of your own pulse. It was weird, you knew that, but some days you just wished you couldn't feel any parts of your body because it reminded you of how ugly you felt.

Your tears had dried a few hours ago but you still couldn't sleep.

It was a little past 3 am, when you heard noises. Ashton was coming back.

As you heard him walk up the stairs and get closer to your shared bedroom, you heard him humming to himself.

'It's best if I act like I'm asleep', you thought to yourself. You didn't want him to have to deal with your depressive mood, especially when he was so happy.

"Y/N?"

You didn't react.

While he disappeared into the bathroom, then came back and changed into his pajamas, which in his case were just a pair of pants, you tried to keep your breath as slow and normal as possible.

But Ashton knew you too well.

"Y/N?", his voice was soft and you felt his fingers softly stroke over your hair after he had gotten under the covers next to you, "I know you're not asleep. If you want to talk I'm here but you don't have to."

You swallowed harshly. Why did he always have to be so considerate like he knew exactly what you needed? He treated you so good, even though you didn't deserve that, and all he got back in return was you crying and being in a bad mood.

His hand kept playing with strands of your hair and for a while he let you just lay there. Then he carefully asked: "Wanna cuddle?"

Your lip quivered and you had to bite it to hold back a sniffle, but you turned around and Ashton immediately wrapped you into his strong arms.

He could feel your body, everything you hated on yourself but the need for his touch was bigger than this fear. His comfort was like a warm blanket hugging your heart.

You didn't talk at all that night and you felt bad for not at least telling him what was wrong, but that was okay. He didn't mind it, he knew sometimes things helped more when you don't use words.

—-

He brought you breakfast the next morning, a small tray with eggs and bread and other small things in his large hands as he smiled softly at you.

"I made a little of everything, so you can choose what you like most", he said as he placed it into your lap.

And you knew it was stupid, but you started crying.

Ashton's hands froze where they were still around the tray and his eyes were so big and almost scared when he looked up at you.

"I'm sorry", you said, rubbing over your eyes but it was no use, "I'm sorry"

"For what?", Ashton's voice was so soft. You didn't deserve him.

"F-for being - I'm - you could do s - so much better"

Ashton shook his head and shook it with more intent when you tried to say more.

"No", he said, his hands cradling your face to make you look at him, "I love you. I love you so much, Y/N."

"B -but -"

"I don't wanna do better, baby. You are the best to me."

"You're lying", you whispered. You couldn't believe him. He must see all the much more pretty girls, all those better options he had.

"I'm not and all I want is for you to believe me.", his thumbs traced the tears falling down your reddened cheeks.

"I just - I feel so disgusting sometimes, so ugly. And then I think about how I can't possibly be enough for you. Why would you settle for this", you gestured towards your body, "when you could have anything else?"

"You're the most beautiful person to me", he said, his eyes so earnest and big, a part of you couldn't help but believe him but the other held onto what you thought of yourself.

"I know it won't change just by me saying what you think isn't true, but please let me work on it with you. Let me help you, Y/N, let me make you feel the way you deserve to feel. I've been through this, too, you know best that I still struggle, too, but please let me in."

You chewed on your lip for several moments before you nodded your head. It was going to be a painful journey, but his eyes were too honest and hopeful to push him away.

"I'll never let you go, Y/N", he whispered as he pressed a kiss to your forehead, "And soon you'll see yourself the way I do. I love you"