#correct me if im wrong i forgot if they met upon other means

[crustyfloor]

Since it's shown that Ivan and Till came from the same dog pound--adoption center...I wonder if they recognized each other at Anakt garden and that's how their friendship started

[randaccidents]

Fractured (part one)

So I have fallen into another fandom! @mine-sara-sp‘s shadow people au is just so good though!

A while ago she posted a fic of a vexed Paladin and it got me thinking. This is where that thinking went.

TW: Blood, fighting, panic attacks (somewhat), manipulation

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Epilogue

The morning sun had just risen over the horizon and everything was quiet for once on Hermitcraft. With the recent glow ups in New Hermitville – literally, there was glowstone everywhere now – not even the sound of zombies could be heard, allowing all hermits who thought to find the comfort of their beds to have a peaceful awakening.

At least, for most of the sleeping hermits on the server, this was the case. For Wels, not so much.

The buzzing of his communicator woke Wels from his peaceful sleep. Groaning, Wels rolled over in his bed and blearily groped for the infernal device. Rubbing his eyes, Wels’ eyes flicked over the main chat to the two personal message chats that were blowing up his communicator.

Personal message from GoodTimesWithScar

[Scar] Wels vex alert!

[Scar]   bnghyt67sdzfgtyuopgtfjgkadsfxgchvjbknlm;,;lkjhaghjkl;’

[Scar] sorry Keloid licked my communicator

[Scar] where are you Keloid wants you

[Scar] I think Paladin died again

[Scar] youre sleeping arent you?

[Scar] please wake up

[Scar]Keloid is gonna melt me in lava please wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] wake up

[Scar] pls this jrt is hgh they took my elytea

[Scar] wake up

Personal message from Cubfan135

[Cub] Wels vex alert!

[Cub] Avarice is looking for you

[Cub] ohno your asleep arent you

[Cub] Wels wake up

[Cub] Avarice is destroying my villager center

[Cub] Wels

[Cub] Wels my poor villagers

[Cub] How are you still asleep?

[Cub] If I know Scar, and I know Scar, he is spamming you right now

[Cub] Wels please if not for me then do it for the villagers

[Cub] … Wels I know youre awake answer me where are you

There goes his opportunity to pretend to be asleep. Grumbling, Wels rolled out of bed and began preparing for his day. He wasn't in the mood for anything in particular at the moment. If anything, he wanted to go back to sleep. Grabbing his tool set and weapons, Wels headed for the door. Yawning, he almost forgot to put on his armour before he left his mansion.

Shuddering at the memory of his last round trip flight, he quickly doubled back to grab the most important piece; the helmet. Looking at the rest of his armour set, he shrugged. Where he was going, and especially who he was going to meet, he wouldn't need any armour. Shrugging on his elytra, Wels jumped from the highest window in his mansion, gliding lazily towards the portal tower.

As he flew, Wels opened his communicator and idly flipped through the general chat, trying to pinpoint what needed to face his wrath for waking him up so early (the zombies weren't even burning yet!)

Hermitgang

*Welsknight's shadow fell from a high place

[Zedaph] its vex time boys

[BDubs] CUB SCAR YOU GOT INCOMING

[BDubs] AND TELL THEM TO STOP FLYING OVER NEW NEW HERMITVILLE

[Iskall]  I dont think they heard you

[Impulse] I think their working on Concorp things right now

[Grian] Keloid and Avarice just flew past at mach speed and knocked me out of the sky like some kinda vex aeroplane what did I miss

[Iskall] read up

[Grian] oh

[Grian] well their heading the wrong direction we can still warn them

[Impulse] there is no way this chat hasnt warned them yet

[Zedaph] is that Keloid holding Scar up there on the jet?

[Impulse] ...I stand corrected

[BDubs] GET WELS

[Grian] isnt today his sleep day

[Impulse] what

[Impulse ] aw man he sleeps like a rock!

[Tango] you know what this means?

[BDubs] NO TIME FOR THAT INITIATE OPERATION WAKE WELS

[BDubs] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] how do you want to do that man hes unshakable

[Zedaph] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Tango] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  WAKE UP WELS

[Impulse] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ WAKE UP WELS

[Mumbo] Guys stop I cant afk in peace like this

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[Grian] Mumbo? Woken from afk? Impossible

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] and here is proof that Wels cannot be woken

[BDubs] DOESNT MEAN WE CANT TRY

[BDubs] WAKE UP WELS

[Iskall] yo bdubs you alright? been using a lot of caps there

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[BDubs] I DRANK 5 MONSTER ENERGY AND 7 COFFEE IM GREAT

[Keralis] hes not alright

[Keralis] send help

[Impulse] WAKE UP WELS

[Doc] Alright Im headed over right now dont you run from me

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[BDubs] NO IM FINE YOU WONT FIND ME ANYWAY

[Keralis] hurry I cant hold him forever

[Tango] WAKE UP WELS

[Doc] I know where everyone is on this server

[Bdubs] CRAP HOW IS HE ALREADY HERE

[Keralis] WE HAVE A RUNNER FOLKS

[Zedaph] WAKE UP WELS

[Mumbo] How did you find my witch farm?

[Mumbo] How did you even get here???

[Cub] Wels I swear I know you're awake answer me where are you

[Impulse] WAKE UP oh

[Grian] ooo busted

[Impulse] I cant believe that did it

[Grian] my work here is done

[BDubs] YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE HAHAHAHA

[Tango] but you didnt do anything?

[Grian] exactly

[Cub] Wels hurry up Avarice saw the chat it is this close to smashing me

[Zedaph] did I just see grian flip his elytra like a cape while flying and not die

[Doc] GOT HIM

[Mumbo] Please get out of here

[Scar] please

Any other day he would feel guilty for leaving the Concorp with their shadows. But today he was tired and feeling a tad bit petty. Landing before the portal, he shot a quick message into the chat.

[Wels] Tell them to meet me in the sand mesa temple. They know which

Not bothering to wait for a reply, Wels set his communicator on silent and strode into the portal, heading towards the 'meeting place'. Preoccupied as he was, Wels never saw the stray shadow on the floor that detached itself to follow after him.

~~~

Closing the door of the shadow temple, Wels began preparations to resummon Paladin. Reaching into the chest he had left, he pulled out an armour stand and climbed the podium, humming a sea shanty as he went. Placing the armour stand on the podium, he stepped back to make sure Paladin wasn't summoned quite that fast. He was not in the mood to deal with his ego today. Suddenly, he heard the door open and close behind him. That was fast. “Wait just a bit I’ll have your Shiny for you,” he yelled over his shoulder. Stepping forward, he prepared to summon Paladin and-

Wait. Keloid and Avarice don’t just, open and close doors. They smash them. The person behind him was not Keloid or Avarice. He turned-

and something slid across his throat, cutting off his breath.

Choking, Wels stumbled back, falling onto the stairs. Hands scrabbling at his throat, trying to close the wound, to breathe. Tilting his head to the side, he found an angle that let him breathe shallowly.

“Well, that wasn't what I intended, but it works great for my frustrations.”

Gasping, he looked up and met his bright blue eyed ambusher, idly tracing shapes in the air with its sword. Wels knew this shadow. He was so dead. Shakily, he drew his sword from his tool belt. His ambusher looked down at him through his visor and grinned, stalking forward.

“You think you can fight me as you are now? You make me laugh.” A snarl, and Apex was upon him, sword screeching against his own. Wels found himself struggling to push Apex away, to breathe, breath stolen in the face of a predator. “Good thing I need a laugh right now.”

Apex made a quick movement with its hand, sending Wels’ sword skittering up the stairs onto the podium. Wels barely managed to bring his arms up to block the next sword strike, wheezing in pain as it skittered off something hard. Pain ignored in the adrenaline, in the need to stay alive, Wels scrabbled backwards up the steps, forgetting his injuries, forgetting to breathe, anything to grab the precious sword that would give him a chance. Apex was advancing on him, he can't breathe, where is his sword?

His hand reached back, and he grabbed hold of something made of sticks.

His shadow bubbled, rising out of the floor to become 3D. Yellow eyes flickered open.

*Welsknight’s shadow has been summoned

Paladin stretched lazily, unaware of their surroundings. “Wels hey so about that death I...”

Apex stood before them, Wels on the floor at their feet. This was not normal. “What are you doing Apex?”

The shadow grinned at them lazily, sword in a resting position at their hip. “Why, just releasing some pent up frustrations on unsuspecting players. This doesn't concern you at all. Go back to those creatures you call shadows.”

They almost did. They didn't want to keep Keloid and Avarice waiting too long. But then they made the mistake of looking down.

Wels looked horrible. Paladin could see open wounds on his neck and arms, fresh from the fight. Wels’ breathing was shallow, but his eyes were hyper aware, shuddering between Apex and Paladin.

He looked cornered. Paladin took a step towards him, something tugging at the back of their mind. What was this emotion?

Apex snarled at them threateningly. “Are you challenging me little blacksmith? You’re nothing without your guard dogs following you.” Paladin’s shoulders hiked upwards at the nickname and they hissed in the way that Keloid and Avarice would when angry. Apex flinched at the noise, stabbing their sword downwards towards the floor to mask it, Wels’ whimper of pain going unnoticed in the tension. “You can fight me if you want blacksmith. But I’m not afraid of you.” The sword came back up to point at Paladin’s exposed chest. “You are nothing without those vex, and I will end you.”

They couldn't take those insults to his ability. Their ego did not want to allow it. But Paladin had survived this long with fewer deaths than expected because they knew when to quit. This was not a fight they could win, even if the pulsing knot in their chest rebelled. They stepped away from Wels.

Apex grinned, yellow smile flashing through the impossible corners of the temple. “Smart choice.” They moved, and Paladin’s eyes trailed downwards, locking onto Wels’ panicked ones. The knot in their chest grew tighter-

And in one stroke, they had grabbed a sword from the floor and stabbed Apex through the back with it.

Apex snarled in surprise, whirling around to face them. A clashing screech, and they were locked in combat. Paladin could see Wels dragging himself away from the corner of their eye and a strange relief filled them. Giving a threatening hiss-chirp back, blocked Apex’s blows, looking for an opening to exploit as their training with Wels kicked in.

Parry, parry, thrust, parry, parry, thrust

The rhythm kept them in the fight, preventing Apex from advancing while also retaliating. So it came as a surprise when Apex suddenly twisted its wrist and sent their sword flying to the opposite side of the room. Not wasting a beat, Apex leapt at them, sword swinging in a large arc that sliced across their neck. Paladin staggered backwards at the pain, only barely moving their head to the side to avoid a sword in their skull, sending a straight gash of light across their face. They click-snarled at Apex, whose grin only turned more predatory.

The next swing was intercepted by an axe, followed by a pickaxe which sliced across their chest. Apex barely stumbled as they charged forward yet again, pinning Paladin’s off-handed axe to the floor with one hand. Raising a foot, it was brought down with a snap!, breaking the weapon. A pickaxe at its shoulder brought their attention back to Paladin, and the cycle began anew.

Parry, parry, parRY, PARRY, PARRY

Slices on their arms, light and triangular particles spinning away. Paladin could feel panic start to settle deep in their bones as they fought. They had barely managed to keep themselves between Wels and Apex, but they knew this was a losing fight. A pickaxe was never meant to be a strong weapon against a sword, but they were determined. The knot in their chest would be too painful to bear otherwise they knew. They kept swinging and parrying, what choice did they have?

There is one choice for you dark one.

Bells and tinkling laughter. They knew who this was. The world around them paused, glowing a light blue like a badly rendered photo. They closed their eyes.

The sound of wings, of bells and tinkling laughter grew nearer. The intense sensation of being watched crawled beneath their skin, but they stood firm. They were made for the spotlight, it did not scare them one bit. Not even as the Vex arrived to speak to them again.

We can help you dark one. All you need to do is make a deal.

Keloid and Avarice had warned them more than enough for them to know that this was a bad idea. They snarl-growled at the unseeable entity before them. “No. Haven't I said this enough times? Go away.”

Ah, but you need help don’t you? Look at your summoner, so weak and fragile. We know that he won’t last once you go down.

That made Paladin falter slightly. “But he’ll respawn!”

Humming. But what if this time he doesn't? What then dark one, what then?

They were not thinking straight, they knew that, knew it in the shaking of their hands and the rush of adrenaline, the cold in their bones and the knot in their chest- no, the emotions in their chest that they didn't understand, emotions for their summoner; care? worry? They didn't know, everything was going so wrong-

Calm dark one. We can help. All you need to do, is ASK.

Paladin considered, actually thought about what was being offered. They needed help, they knew. They also knew that the Vex were strong and ancient. But the warnings…

“If I ask for your help, I want to know what I’m getting into first. No sneaky dealings of any sort.”

Laughing bells. If you insist. All we want is a chance to make a deal with your summoner. You will be the conduit to bring him to us.

“And if I don’t?”

You both won’t have a choice. One way or another we will find you.

Paladin ducked their head, opening yellow eyes to glance sideways at Wels. The man had pulled himself to a column. His shirt was ripped, used as makeshift bandages. Red. So much red. They made their decision.

“Alright, I’ll take your deal. Help me.”

Shattering music notes. What do you want us to give you, dark one?

There was no hesitation, the words drawn upwards out from him. “Power. I’ve been the damsel for long enough. Give me the power to protect my family.” They would have hesitated more, but that glance at Wels earlier had solidified a fiery resolve. They wanted to protect their family, and that included Wels whether he liked it or not.

Tinkling glass shards mixed with laughter as power stabbed its way into Paladin. Of course. Now, wake and face your opponent dark one, and remember our deal.

The blue fog faded, the staring spotlights died, the glass was swept away. It was as if the Vex were never there. But Paladin could feel the power rising in their chest, competing with guilt and worry and panic. With a roar, they released it into the air.

Apex stumbled backwards, the roar resonating through memories of darkness, birds, blue. Its grin became more of a grimace as they launched itself at Paladin again, only to be stopped by a sword. Where had they-?

Looking around, Apex noticed the glowing blue gauntlets floating in the air around Paladin. The gauntlets moved quickly, each hand grabbing the closest weapon. A blue cloak of the same colour had spawned out of nowhere and draped upon Paladin’s shoulders. Apex’s grimace flipped back into a feral grin. This was what a real challenge looked like.

They sprung into action, hacking away at each weaponed hand. With every hand that fell, another took its place. Every hit that did land bounced off the hard plating of the seemingly cloth-made cloak. But it soon began to tire, invisible strings softening its blows. No one else on the server had kept up with it this long, not even Killjoy. But shadows didn't tire, someone must be helping Paladin. Looking up, Apex met Paladin’s angered glare. But that didn't faze them at all.

What did faze them was the softly glowing blue streaks where they had sliced Paladin earlier. Apex hissed. Vex. That's where the blacksmith’s help had come from. They shuddered as the invisible threads cut deeper. Now that it knew what to look for, they could feel the Vex on its shoulders, weighing it down. It was time to cut their losses.

Apex faked a lunge at Paladin, taking the split second of Paladin being off-balance to make a run for the door. Turning back inside the doorframe, Apex took in the scene they had left. Red on the floor, pillars sliced into, Paladin running towards them.

And Wels was finally open. Apex grinned. Mechanically, they raised their arm, bringing out Biffa’s spare iron sword and threw it, slamming the door behind them.

Paladin howled, jumping to grab the sword. They knew they were too far away, but something carried their momentum forward and they grabbed the sword out of the air, tumbling onto the steps of the podium. They could feel the cloak folding behind them as it smoothed back out from whatever form it took. In that moment, all Paladin could do was breathe.

“Pal-adi-n?” The halting gasp of their name brought them back to the source of their current problem. Prying themselves off the floor, they hurried to Wels’ side, checking on his wounds. Wels was more concerned about other things, physically recoiling at the sight of the blue scars.

“Wha- di-you do?” The question came out gurgled, but understandable. Paladin could only helplessly reach for their summoner, voice pleading for understanding.

“I made a mistake so I could save you.”

Wels seemed to understand, allowing Paladin close to check on him even as fear swam in his eyes. “Vex” he hissed, before coughing painfully into Paladin’s chest. Paladin chirped soothingly as Avarice always did for them, even as the now known panic rose up yet again. Wels was in no condition to move right now. They could look for help, but what if Apex came back? They could try Wels’ communicator, but they had no idea which temple this was. They could be anywhere! What to do what to do what to do

A pricking in their arm brought them back to reality, grounding them. They cooed at Wels in confusion; they could sense no danger here.

Until they saw the lone Vex mob, sitting on the centre podium where shadows were summoned. It cocked its head at the bloodied knights below them, grin permanently stretched wide.

We told you we would find you. Tinkling bells, shattering laughter, a hundred gazes combined as one.

It's time to fulfill your end of the deal.

Blue particles, broken bells, the room bathed in a blue-purple glow as the knights held tight to each other; one protectively and one in fear. The bell tolled.

Not minutes later, Keloid and Avarice burst down the door to find the temple empty, clean of all signs of struggle and missing two fractured knights.

[agentdagonet]

so this may be asking too much but… Headset Romance: The love story of two people who have never met. With Agent!Harry and Handler!Eggsy

Okay so I know that this is several thousand years late, but I hope that it was at least a little worth the wait?

Headset Romance

‘You’re a bloody peacock and that’s somethin’ I’ve learned from experience, Galahad. The fuck did you say that for? He’s def gonna remember your sorry arse now.’

'I found his company degrading- I can get the drive without playing nice with an adulterer.’

'If you say so, guv- but if this comes back to bite your arse I expect the whole song an’ dance. An’ a stiff drink.’

'And how will I deliver these things to you, oh faceless one?’

'You’re a fuckin’ secret agent, I’m pretty sure you can figure out a private youtube link and how to pay a drink forward. Or just do the performance for Merlin- he’ll make sure I get to see it.’

'Alternatively, you and I could simply go out after a job well done like normal people do after work.’

'We ain’t normal people, guv- on your left, yeah good- and I’m plenty satisfied with this arrangement.’

'You could be further satisfied.’

'Did you really jus’ try an’ pull that one on me? Next you’ll be saying somethin’ about the many benefits of physical interaction. Upstairs, third door on the right.’

'Well it’s not as if I haven’t suggested such things before. Got it.’

'Good, can’t go back the way you came but there’s another stairwell down the way- go up a floor and go down elsewhere. Minimal interaction means you can’ just punch your way outta this one.’

'Fists are so uncivilised-’

'Or any of your gadgets, neither. Jus’ get home safe and drop that drive at HQ.’

'Fine. In repayment for you taking away all of my fun, I’ll be sure to send you the most awful thing I can find in-’

'Oh there you are’

'Shit.’

'Lemme guess, it’s the prick you insulted earlier. An’ he ain’t too happy.’ There’s no response, but the view from the feed is answer enough. 'Knock 'im out and get the fuck outta there. This cover’s a bust now, anyway so it don’t matter how just get it done.’ Galahad doesn’t acknowledge him, though he does knock the target’s lights out as quietly as possible before making his way quickly but calmly from the event. Small favours.

'So I’m expectin’ that song an’ dance before you’re sent off on your next mission.’

'Is now really the time to rub it in my face?’

'Are you dyin’?’

'No.’

'Bein’ pursued?’

'No.’

'Injured in literally any way?’

'Well, my knuckles ache a bit.’

'That don’t count. An’ my point is that now is the perfect time to rub your mistakes in your face like a pup who’s pissed on a rug. I dunno how you survived twenty-somethin’ years without me.’

'Merlin had hair to pull out. And I resent that statement.’

'Y'mean you represent that statement. An’ I’m buying that man a cake. “Congratulations on Surviving Galahad” has a nice ring to it.’

'In what way do I represent a pup? I’m perfectly grown, thank you.’

'Oh I know you are; you’re a big boy, ain’t ya? But you listen to very few people, an’ even then do things your own way, and then you strut your way home expecting a bone and a belly rub for a job well done.’

'I’m hanging up now- obviously made it to the extraction point; I’ll debrief upon arrival.’

'Oh don’t take it personal, Galahad- you know you’re my favourite.’ The silence on the other line was answer enough. Eggsy closed the feed and smiled to himself, happy with the successful mission. He’d only been Galahad’s main handler for a couple years, but it was easily the most fulfilling job he’d ever had. Percival took him too seriously, Bors was a bit obsessed with explosions, and Lancelot was far more pun than professionalism.

It also wasn’t a bad thing that Galahad was incredibly witty. And fit. And so out of his league it wasn’t even funny. One glance in the mirror when he forgot (He assumed he forgot; no need to make assumptions and make things worse than they were) that the feed was running and Eggsy was completely gone for him. Lust at first sight, when he’d already been enamoured with his dry wit, made Harry’s inexplicable interest in him the worst temptation.

But he didn’t know much of anything about Eggsy besides his sarcasm. Well, that wasn’t quite true either, Eggsy mused as he wrote up his end of the mission report. Eggsy’d spoken about his sister, and his mum, and about the Prick with a capital P he’d managed to get rid of when Merlin had hired him. He’d talked about loads of shit. Just nothing he thought was worth the kind of fuss Galahad made of him- Galahad, who had never even met him, and probably just had a thing for a bit of rough.

Not that that was a bad thing- but Eggsy knew he’d want more than a tumble with him and he just didn’t think that was possible.

'Eggsy, I have something for you.’ Merlin spoke from the doorjamb, ever-present clipboard in his hand and a smirk on his face. There’s a ping from his monitor, and Eggsy opens a file under the watchful eye of Merlin labelled 'He Told Me So.' 

It’s a simple video, a sheepish smile on Harry’s face as he sits in the Kingsman plane, doing these silly little waves with his hands while he sings 'you told me so’ in varying pitches at a whisper. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want the pilot (a mate of Eggsy’s named Ryan, not that Harry knows that) to hear him and turn around, he’s flushed from his neck to the tips of his ears. It’s actually adorable.

'I don’t know how you get him to do these things, lad.’ Merlin’s chuckling behind him, eyes bright behind his specs. ‘I can barely get him to show up on time.’

‘What c’n I say, I’ve got the magic touch.’

‘If I didn’t know better I’d accuse you of having siren’s blood- he’d do just about anything you asked of him.’ Merlin nods his head at the screen, where Harry is paused mid-song. ‘This being the least of it. He’s also instructed me, in this e-mail, to tell you that your drink will be waiting for you at the pub down the street once he’s back on home soil. And not to sound terribly cliched, but  am not an owl so stop using me to send messages back and forth. Give him an e-mail or something if you refuse to give him your number.’ He grumbled a bit (sounds suspiciously like you oblivious bastards) before wandering off.

Eggsy finishes his report with a smile, and places an order at the bakery he knows Merlin prefers.

Harry got off the plane at HQ early the next morning, sun barely over the horizon, and immediately went to debrief with Arthur. Merlin would be sure to meet him there, the way he always did, and then Harry would get to go home and sleep in his own bed. Sounded like heaven.

‘Now, Galahad, it seems like the mission went off without issue?’

‘For the most part, yes.’

‘The most part?’

‘I’m afraid that alias is unusable now- I accidentally compromised the mission but managed to work around it to fulfill the objective.’

‘Excuse me, gentleman- dropping off some reports for Arthur.’ A young man came through, dropping a thick stack of files on Arthur’s desk with a nod. Nothing in particular stood out about him, accent as upper-class as most everyone at Kingsman (with the one notable exception that Harry could never track down) and his clothes, though casual, were obviously of high quality. He was probably one of Merlin’s minions.

‘Ah, Lunete, thank you.’

‘Sir.’ In lieu of goodbye, he nodded at them (and exchanged a wry smile with Merlin, confirming his suspicion) before leaving the Dining Room.

‘Now, to get back to things- there was no “accidentally” involved in your alias being compromised.’ Merlin turned a severe glare in his direction before turning back to Arthur. ‘I reviewed the footage personally, and he brought attention to himself by insulting the target. Claims he found his company degrading, and could accomplish the task without following the instructions of his handler. In the end he forcefully knocked the target unconscious because too much time had elapsed to use the amnesia darts.

‘Well, as he did achieve the objective, we can at least attest to his being correct on part of that- though you did lose us a useful alias and years of work.’ Arthur turned to Harry, who looked sheepish for a moment, intent on opening his mouth to defend himself, but Merlin redirected his attention once again.

‘Yes sir, he did- but I’d like to bring something to your attention; glasses, please.’ They looked up at the hidden screen, which was now displaying the details of his alias’ file. ‘This is the file for Atticus Grey as it was originally constructed.’ He typed something onto his clipboard, ‘this is what is associated with that person.’

‘Well, this is convenient.’ Arthur muttered to himself, saying what Harry had been thinking. By some kind of divine intervention, it seemed that all of the people he’d made connections with through Atticus were either in custody or dead. The former of which was adding to the latter every year.

‘So, even though he did in fact ruin this alias, it’s not an altogether unsalvageable situation. Honestly, we probably would have scrapped this alias within the next couple of missions anyway.

‘However, with this alias being scrapped a bit prematurely, my team will need a few days to make the new alias as airtight as possible. With most agents off on missions we’re prioritising handling over our background work- when Percival and Lancelot return we should be ready for wherever you wish to send Galahad next.’

‘Forcing our Galahad into some down time, are we?’

‘No idea what you’re talking about, sir, it’s just procedure.’ There’s a glint in Merlin’s eye that says otherwise, but nothing he says will change their minds. This wasn’t the first time they’d pulled such tricks, merely the most recent. Arthur dismissed Merlin with a smile, and he and Harry finished their tea with non-work related chatter.

‘I have some errands- a few days home shouldn’t be too tedious.’

He was wrong. Harry Hart was many things and now he would be adding wrong to the list. A few days on home soil with no clear objective or clear end in sight was tortuous. He’d taken to pestering Merlin for updates every few hours, which had resulted in him being locked out of his office and the direct link from his glasses being shut off. 

‘Any reason in particular there’s a picture of Merlin’s face taped to that punching bag?’ The voice comes from behind him, bemused and unfamiliar, and Harry turns to find the minion from before. Shit.

‘Needed to let off some steam- Merlin’s decided to force some down time upon me, but I have nothing to do.’

‘That so? Still doesn’t explain why you’re punching his face like that.’

‘Sure it does- he’s insufferable and I can’t take it out on him in person.’

‘Isn’t there anything else you can do to pass your time?’

‘I’ve already finished all of my reports- and I’m doing the only other thing I can here at the gym.’

‘You could go for a swim- or the obstacle course! That one’s always fun. Or family to visit, or something?’

‘Been there, done that; and the obstacle course is only fun the first few times. Doing it on repeat for days takes it away. And no, they all died years ago. Just me and Kingsman.’

‘You need to get out more. Come with me.’ Lunete had one shoulder propped against the doorjamb, hands in his pockets, and a smirk on his face like he’s got a fabulous joke but won’t share it.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Well I was going to head home and hang out with my mother and sister, but you need a night out. Come on, then.’

‘I barely know you.’

‘First off, we both work at Kingsman, so how dangerous can I be to you; and second your file’s public to those of us in the Lake, so I know all about you- you could come out and even the score?’

‘I think you’re just trying to keep me from beating Merlin the next time he emerges from his cave.’

‘Eh, that’s just a pleasant bonus.’

Eggsy ended up bringing Harry to the first pub he saw between the mews and Kingsman- in the opposite direction from the one Harry’d left his “you told me so” drink at. It wouldn’t do to be recognised since he was doing some serious posh-acting; he didn’t want the jig to be up too soon. 

On the one hand, it was annoying as fuck to act like someone he wasn’t for longer than he absolutely had to. Arthur and his cronies were bad enough on site let alone out in public. On the other, though, it was probably the closest he’d get to actual spy work even if it was all for his own benefit.

But, even as they sat across from one another at a booth and talked aimlessly about nothing, Eggsy could see Harry relaxing despite himself. He’d talk about some mishap in R&D and Harry would laugh until he was wiping at his eyes; and Harry would tell some story about his dog (the fuck kind of name was Mr. Pickle, anyway?) which would prompt him to talk about JB, and inevitably end up in giggles.

Eggsy relished the opportunity to see what Harry was like outside of a mission, and what he acted like with someone he wasn’t strangely obsessed with. Now that he thought about it, Harry probably saw him as a mystery he wanted to solve. He wouldn’t be interested once the mystique was gone, no matter what he said to the contrary.

Even more motivation to make this mask believable. No way for Harry to connect the two.

Harry, on the other hand, was enchanted with the surprisingly eloquent man. He lamented not having met him before, but resolved to get to know him better now. Merlin certainly wouldn’t begrudge him a friendship with one of his minions, would he?

—

‘Lunete! Package for you.’

‘Another one?’

It had been a few months since Eggsy’d taken Harry out to that pub in the guise of Lunete- and for some odd reason Harry had decided that the best way to cultivate a friendship with him was through obnoxious souvenirs. The kind of things Eggsy thought of when Harry threatened to gift him with “the most awful thing” he could find in wherever the fuck he was for a mission. Eggsy wondered if these were Harry’s idea of good souvenirs and, if so, allowed himself a shudder at the possibilities “the most awful thing” suggested.

Today’s mystery package wasn’t very large- which eliminated another taxidermied animal- and it wasn’t very heavy- which eliminated a new creepy looking statue.

If Eggsy hadn’t already known Harry outside of Lunete he’d have run for the hills after the first package. There’s eccentric and then there’s eccentric and while the former was interesting the latter was incredibly creepy. As it was Eggsy worried about his sanity, though he probably shouldn’t, as most of the Knights had something incredibly strange they loved. Gawaine had a collection of cat statues, Bors kept bits of rubble, and Percival collected local animal teeth. He’d resolved to never ask where he got them, no matter how elegant they looked once he’d polished them.

The sight of them with bits of gum still attached made an impression, to say the least.

Steeling himself, Eggsy cut the tape and pulled open the flaps before he could talk himself out of it, one eye closed while the other squinted into the box.

There was a note.

Lunete, I saw this while in Switzerland  and was captivated before remembering that I had no one to gift such a thing. But I remembered that you mentioned a sister all that time ago, and picked it up anyway. I’ve no idea how old she is (for all your chatter you’re surprisingly difficult to get information from) but if nothing else you can give it to your mother or something.

Reaching blindly into the packing chips he grasped the first solid object he came into contact with. It was box-like, cool to the touch, and thus far made no noise which eliminated several possibilities- and pulling it out Eggsy gasped.

It was elegant, carved in cherry wood and smooth as silk; the designs were all floral, likely roses or carnations or something. It wasn’t the kind of thing Eggsy would have picked up on a whim, but the kind of timeless beauty he could see being passed down or inherited. Opening the lid, Eggsy was a bit startled to be greeted with music- who made music boxes this gorgeous? The tune was familiar, if a bit sped up, but he couldn’t resist humming along.

And then, giggling to himself, he penned a response.

Well, Galahad, I certainly have no use for something as pretty as this myself, and Daisy’s a bit young for it, but my mother will love it. Thank you for the rarity that is a gift that doesn’t haunt my (or the rest of us Minions’) nightmares. Seriously. They’re haunting. But I’ll certainly be that someone who’ll watch over you.

Gershwin? Really? Could have at least been a typical Mozart or something but you had to go and get something classy and unexpected.

—

Eggsy certainly hadn’t expected his bit of fun to bite him in the arse quite so immediately. Harry’s flirting hadn’t lessened any over the coms, but now it was accompanied by humming. Incessant humming that matched the music box that now lay atop his mother’s dresser.

'Fuuuuuuck.’

'I’m not your agony aunt, Eggsy, take your self-created issues elsewhere.’

'But he’s gonna figure it out, Merls!’

'Again, not my problem. Get back to R&D or research Galahad’s next assignment, I don’t care, but get out of my hair.’

'But you don’t have any-’

'Finish that sentence and I’ll delight in telling him myself. I’ll make a power point with all the evidence, and finish with your address so he can-’

'Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll just go curl up and die at my desk. An’ you’ll have to break the news to Daisy.’

'Far be it for me to interrupt your plans for spontaneous expiration.’

—

'So, Eggsy,’

’Don’ even start, Galahad. Up the stairs and to your right- the painting of some posh knobhead with blue boots is hollow.’

'You don’t even know what I was going to say!’

'Half the shit from your mouth during these missions is either you tryin’ to talk me out of the plans I make to keep your sorry arse alive, or flirtin’ with me despite the fact that we’ve never actually met in person. As you ain’t fightin’ the plan, I assume your next words were gonna be some persuasive argument about the pleasures of the flesh. Again.’ He let a little of his irritation slip through, though mostly he was just nervous about Harry connecting him and Lunete. He knew it would happen eventually, but fuck it didn’t need to be now. 

’… Got the file.’ Harry said reluctantly, almost a sigh, and for a moment Eggsy wondered if he’d somehow gone too far despite not changing his reactions to his flirting in the first place. 'On my way to extraction.’ The playful edge that had come to be the highlight of these missions was missing. A Galahad subdued and not in the I-made-a-mistake-and-got-briefly-captured-again way.

It left Eggsy feeling off-kilter. And incredibly worried.

'Job well done, Galahad. Debrief at 1000.’ Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything after all.

—

'Dare I ask what happened to put this kicked puppy look on your face, Harry?’

'I’ve been ridiculous and making unwanted advances on a man I have never seen.’

'You’re always ridiculous.’

'I’ve never even met the man and his voice is the brightest part of my missions.’

'As I’ve already said once of late I am not an agony aunt and I have no desire or true advice to give you. Outside of, oh, I don’t know, perhaps asking to meet in person?’

'He shoots down my advances-’

'Likely because that’s what they are? Advances, obviously geared toward a goal that doesn’t happen to stop at friendship or likely involve it at all.’ Merlin sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, 'Why do you care so much, anyway?’

'Eggsy’s never treated me like a superior officer. He’s never acted like he was beneath me for being behind the coms instead of in the field. He’s honest and rude and makes me laugh and somehow I’ve fallen for him despite not knowing the shape of his face or the colour of his eyes- the timbre of his laugh is enough.’

'I was expecting something more like “he’s a shit like me and I don’t want to ruin our working relationship” but leave it to you, Hart, to make it about feelings. What kind of spy are you?’

'A good one, I hope, to have made it this far into my lifespan.’

'Only by the grace of excellent handling.’

'Ah, the great Merlin, so humble.’

'I was referring to Eggsy- you caused me to lose the last of my hair, I have no patience for your showmanship, and your unparalleled ability to destroy my tech means that I tolerate you at best when I’m handling you.’ And there it was, the shame, at reducing a brilliant handler to a seductive voice through no actions but his own.

'I don’t want to lose him.’ It’s whispered, eyes staring at a spot on the wall and completely missing the pitying look Merlin throws his way.

'Then be honest, you great pillock, and talk to him. Not your weird proposition shit, either- I have to go through your mission footage and some of that… You’re not going to get anywhere with some bad pickup lines and innuendo.’ Merlin pushes his glasses up his face and turned away, tapping at his clipboard, 'And that’s all I have for you today. Please vacate the premises or I shall be forced to do something terrible to another one of your fetishistic loo butterflies.’

'Fine, fine, I’m goi- wait, what do you mean another?!’

—

‘Eggsy.’ He’s holed up in a supply closet, as cliche as one can be, but he will be there for an undetermined amount of time and he is just absolutely done with the stilted, awkward, handling of this mission. 

‘Dare I ask, Galahad?’

‘I just wanted to thank you for putting up with me.’ He tries to press as much sincerity into the phrase as he can, hoping beyond hope that he can somehow repair what he hadn’t realised he was breaking. ‘I know that I can be a bit much, but I don’t want you to think that I’m this way with the rest of the Lake. I simply have no idea of how to keep your attention.’

‘It is literally my job, Galahad, to keep my attention focused on ou ad get your arse home safely.’ Eggsy was confused, and maybe a little hopeful. He’d felt bereft without Harry’s incessant nattering, but hadn’t known how to fix it- maybe this was it.

‘I was rather hoping to keep your attention while off-mission, as well.’ Eggsy nearly groaned, but took a moment to think on the situation. Harry wasn’t being actively flirty, the tone was all wrong; if Eggsy didn’t know any better he’d say that the great Harry Hart sounded nervous. 

‘With more soul-damaging relics from your missions like the ones you send Lunete?’ 

‘No- well, correction, not only with carefully-chosen pieces. I-’ Harry paused, and Eggsy realised that this was, indeed, an honest conversation that Harry was trying to have with him. ‘I would like for us to meet. Formally, face-to-face, give myself a visual to go with the auditory man who has consumed my attentions for quite some time. I understand that there is no reason for you to believe me, given my previous actions, but I’ll readily admit to having had no other idea of how to express my interest. Merlin can tell you that outside of a mission I’ve never been particularly graceful or smooth when it came to potential romantic partners.

‘I find that I’ve become enchanted with the idea of you, and would greatly appreciate the opportunity to discover if my fantasies even touch upon the reality of you as a person.’

Eggsy literally had no idea of how to progress from here. Despite his own infatuations with the man, he’d dismissed Harry’s words as empty and with this revelation had no idea of how to progress. Forget the conundrum of Eggsy and Lunete being the same person- this was a problem now, and Merlin had probably known all along and that fucker hadn’t even tried to warn him.

          'We’ll see Galahad,’ Eggsy fought to keep his voice playful, to not give away his scrambling for a proper answer, 'you’ve got to get your way out of this shit first. An’ maybe, maybe, we’ll see about gettin’ a drink or something.’ And now Eggsy was back to cursing his mouth for running ahead of his brain and making promises he probably couldn’t keep.

Harry continued to pretend that the pounding of his heart was due to his circumstances in the mission and not due to the tantalising possibility of meeting Eggsy proper at long last.

—

Of course, Harry had managed the near impossible and completed the mission both on time and without any grievous injury to himself. Or to his target, which was a positive as he’d been tasked with surveillance and strictly told not to engage which are rules the man usually took as a challenge.

Merlin googled at the record when it was brought to him, and Eggsy took a seat across from the man as he reviewed the contents.

‘He didn’t make an uncouth comment and get chased from the grounds?’ The again went unsaid.

‘No.’

‘And he didn’t continue to press you about going out after you gave him a solid maybe?’ Merlin sounded as incredulous as Eggsy felt.

‘Nope.’ Eggsy was in more than a fair bit of shock. On the one hand, Harry had achieved the objective while Eggsy had been in his ear. So that was a point for both of them, for Eggsy’s success as Handler and Harry’s as Knight; but the hows of it. Harry had done all of it because Eggsy had said they might get to meet if Harry did what needed to be done. The mere idea of getting to meet had given Harry enough cause to have achieved a nearly impossible feat for him.

‘I’m no’ one to butt into personal business-’

‘I fuckin’ know that, Merlin- you practically set this shit up by keepin’ to yourself.’ Eggsy grumbled, crossing his arms and slumping in the chair.

‘But perhaps, lad, Harry’s more than a bit serious about this.’ Merlin continued as if uninterrupted, and Eggsy looked away.

‘D’you really think so?’

‘The only way you’re going to know is if you actually talk to him and stop with this weird double life you’ve made for yourself and no,’ Merlin wagged a finger angrily, ‘I am not going to help you fix this shit. You dug this hole, make your own way out of it.

‘I certainly hope that you continue to inspire this out of him and he doesn’t corrupt you instead.’

Eggsy stayed in that chair long after Merlin had returned to his own tasks, wondering just what he was going to do. He had two obvious options: he could meet Harry in person and come clean- or he could really chav it up and hope Harry wouldn’t be able to see Lunete in Eggsy.

But, to be honest, Eggsy was getting real tired of having to keep track of who he had to be at any given moment. What Lunete knew versus what Eggsy knew and where they could overlap believably with them both being in the Lake. It was getting exhausting, and even with the possibility of losing Harry entirely through this fiasco, Eggsy was just. So. Tired. And maybe that wasn’t the best reason to stop leading a double life but it was the one he had.

          So, there, that was one decision made- a pretty big one, too. Now he just had to hold himself to it. 

But that didn’t mean he had to make it easy for the man; maybe he could get one last bit of fun from this fiasco.

–

Harry’s office at headquarters was very secure. Merlin never let anyone in or out without his say so, even when the door was unlocked he’d lock it just as someone was reaching for the handle just to be a shit.

So the box on his desk was a terrifying surprise. First because he’d had no idea that anyone had been in his office- but mostly because of the contents. The outside was so unassuming that Harry had reached in without a second thought and immediately regretted the action. 

‘What the fuck is this shit?’

‘It happens to be a gift, you idiot, if you’d bothered to read the card prior to sticking your hand inside?’ Melin chimed in from the glasses, and Harry flipped him off smoothly with one hand as the other shut the glasses down. So what if he was right, it was the principle of the thing.

Harry pulled out the thing that had stabbed his finger, and was greeted with the most obnoxiously American thing he had ever seen. Intricately carved, it would be a work or artistry if it weren’t for the obnoxious colouring. A bald eagle sitting on a branch, a snake in its grasp, with everything but the bird in natural colours- the eagle was painted as the Americal Flag. It was the end of a wing that had stabbed him, curled upward in a parody of landing from flight. It was atrocious. 

‘What. the fuck. Is this shit?’ Harry warily stuck his arm back into the box of packing chips, feeling about for any additional hidden monstrosity, but came up empty. ‘No note?’ Harry began to turn the box about, half tempted to “accidentally” knock the statue from his desk- but he knew that if it had ended up here then the sender would discover the untimely demise. And, heaven forbid, send a replacement. On the end that had been facing his chair there was a small note, taped and half falling off the side of the cardboard. 

Let’s play hide and seek, Galahad. You’re it. -Eggsy

Harry pulled the note and examined the writing closely. The ink was partially bled through in some spots, as if he’d hesitated while writing it, and it looked to have been written by one of the Kingsman issued pens- not the ones with the poison, but the ones used for official paperwork, with the combustible ink. Just in case, you see, someone ever managed to get their hands on confidential paperwork. Which eliminated a great many people, as the only people to use them casually were the Minions, who used them for everything by default.

As if sparked by this train of thought, the ink began to eat through the paper. Well, that route of examination was out. Eggsy had mentioned more than once the trinkets Harry would send to Lunete, so it was entirely possible that this gift was poking fun at his habit of choosing memorable items for the man, but to that end it also firmly pointed Harry to a particular collective of Minions: Merlin’s favourites. Unfortunately, codenames meant very little overall within the walls of the place- but real names were rare. It was far more difficult to ask after Richard than Bors, for example, because much like in faerie courts real names held power and were rarely shared.

So asking for Eggsy would get him nowhere, unless he was asking Merlin directly, but the man had been of no help thus far and would likely continue on that trend for a while yet. So he was on his own to solve this mystery. Which meant he had to rely upon his already collected knowledge far more than present clues.

Eggsy was a man with a simple- no, humble- past, who had come to Kingsman from the Army where Merlin had spotted him causing some trouble. Eggsy’d been confronted by his SO and had been quite contrite to admit that he’d been messing with the tech because he was bored and had lost his sense of purpose when those around him didn’t seem to care about the why as much as the when. He’d had a note put into his file, and Merlin had snatched him up immediately. Harry was still unsure of why Merlin had been watching the man in the first place, as there were so many people potential to sort through at any time and only a finite number of places to put them. Harry figured it was like applying to an Ivy League school you didn’t know was considering you. Incredibly selective- so what had pulled Merlin’s attention to him?

But that wasn’t the concern at the moment. With what he knew about Eggsy, could he find him on the grounds? What did he care about, what did he mention liking about Kingsman, where would he have the highest likelihood of spotting the man in time to win this game. Harry wasn’t even entirely sure what he was competing for- but he was a vain man and desired victory for the sake of it just as much as any prize.

Harry had never bothered to learn the things a Handler would- but he could strategise if he could only decide what direction to go in. Top to bottom? One end to the other? From the centre outwards, or vice versa? Simplest would be top to bottom, as the roof provided a finite amount of space he could go- so to the roof it was. He wasn’t so desperate as to climb the sides of the building, and opted instead to take the service stairs to the top level and find a window that overlooked a bit of the roof and meander is way from there.

Which actually ended up being surprisingly difficult, but once he had found an acceptable exit he also stumbled upon another note taped to it.

Let’s play a game, mate- well, another one, waiting in one spot is just so boring y’know? I’m hanging out with the rest of the Minions til ‘bout 3 where you left me my drink way back when. Find me. That little shit had been here, how long ago was anyone’s guess, and instead of following through on whatever his original plot had been had changed the rules. As if Harry had known what they were in the first place, but the point remained that he’d changed the rules without warning or explanation.

But wasn’t that just like Eggsy, to at one moment follow plans to the letter and the next follow Harry’s lead on a whim? The fact that they were always successful could more likely be attributed to luck than any actual skill, but Harry was willing to take what the universe deigned to gift him. So he huffed a laugh and made his way back to his office, checking himself idly in the window as he removed his tie and popped a button or two. Going around to a pub while dressed to the nines, while safe in a Kingsman suit, was making himself a spectacle and if he intended to actually find Eggsy he needed to be able to blend in- at least a little. He removed his glasses, and mussed his hair just enough that it looked purposefully dishevelled as opposed to perfectly organised.

Harry made his way down to the pub, one he frequented and thus was able to pull favours with, and nodded at the barman who smoothly slid his pint down the bartop to his waiting hand as he sat at his regular spot at the bar. No words having to be exchanged, which freed him up to idly glance about the room. There were some outside seats but it was easier to hide in a crowd, and easier still to disappear with staff constantly moving about, if you knew when and how to do so. Which was usually a skill Knights honed and Minions of the Lake dismissed as unnecessary. The likelihood of their being spotted, let alone pursued, was miniscule- so why waste the energy that could be dedicated to other things instead?

There was a group of younger people in the corner booth, only a half dozen or so, about half wearing very familiar glasses. Now to spot his target proper. There was a young woman leaning intimately into the side of one of the men without glasses, with dark brown hair and pale eyes. That was Agravaine and Blanchefleur, then, as they were the topic of many Knights who were critical of relationships from within. And, honestly, how did they expect to achieve any sense of intimacy with someone outside of Kingsman, anyway? But that eliminated two suspects. There was his regular pilot, Houdain, with whom he’d shared many idle conversations of the last couple years. His accent was similar to Eggsy’s, but not so much so that he could ever have confused one for the other.

Three down, three to go.

There was another young woman with short cropped red hair, sans glasses but obviously sporting a pair of Kingsman brogues, bent nearly in double as she laughed- inelegantly snorting. She slapped the glasses off the man sat across from her in her antics, simply by waving her arms about, and Harry was grateful to know that she was not a Knight. If she were in this collective she obviously had immense amounts of talent behind the scenes, but something like that could make or break a mission. Which was entirely off topic, but Harry’s head was running in a million directions as he caught sight of the last two members of the table.

One was a driver that he knew quite well, Ither, who had always been up for a joyride while escaping their pursuants. The other was Lunete.

So Eggsy had lied, then. He wasn’t here after all. He turned back to his drink as a way to distract himself, observing the condensation run down the glass, and pretended that disappointment was not a bitter pill to swallow.

 Except, suddenly, he heard a very distinct ‘you’re fucking jokin’, bruv!’ he knew without a doubt that Eggsy was in that group. His head snapped up just in time to see Lunete slap Houdain playfully on the shoulder, the latter covering his mouth with one hand while shaking with laughter.

‘Swear down, Eggs, I couldn’ make that shit up if I tried.’

‘The fuck was Lancelot thinkin’, tryin’ to make a jump like that in that outfit? She gave someone a lucky view, then?’ Ither looked as if Christmas had come early, a very Grinch-like smirk on his face at the thought, but Houdain shook his head.

‘The street was clear, luck with her, so she didn’t flash no one- but lots o’ people complained about the thumpin’ from the roof, next day.’ Lunete shook his head as Houdain finished, but Harry’s mind had stopped a bit before.

Eggs. Eggsy. Harry ran the facts over in his mind as he took another idle gulp of his Guinness; Eggsy spoke often of Lunete’s gifts, he obviously knew Harry quite well after all the time of being in his ear, was well-liked and trusted by Merlin (who else would he trust his oldest friends’ safety to, if not someone he trusted?), and suddenly he couldn’t unlink the two. Lunete was Eggsy.

Lunete was Eggsy.

Lunete was Eggsy and he’d already had a drink with the man and he’d never let it on. He’d not even hinted that he’d been hiding anything; to hide such a thing from a Knight was impressive in and of itself. He’d been sure to keep their interactions regular, had never hinted at- well, hinted at what, exactly? Had Eggsy thought anything of their pint, that day, and what of the gifts? Why had he hidden himself so thoroughly within the walls of Kingsman that it took a ducking scavenger hunt for Harry to figure it out? It was not as if Kingsan was particularly judgemental- well, no, that was a lie. Arthur was a prick.

Ah. Prejudice based around the way one walks. And talks. The things that are the quickest to reveal oneself as “other” in a collective of men from money. Arthur was quick to anger and quicker to insult, if only ever backhandedly, so the ability to blend in was imperative- he guessed- to Eggsy being able to do as he needed. Drivers and Pilots were often silent until prompted and prodded into speaking- a Handler was easily identified and exposed by voice. To affect an accent in the presence of those who would look down on you for being different was entirely understandable.

But had Eggsy truly thought that Harry would judge him in that way? Had he not been clear with his affections through the coms? Short of screaming it from the rooftops he’d done all he could to show Eggsy that he thought the world of him. But… but perhaps that was what had kept him away. If someone is showy, you never take their actions or words at face value. Never. It’s survival one-oh-one, and Harry kicks himself for not connecting the dots sooner.

Every bit of tension in his body began to loosen as Eggsy turned around, just enough for Harry to admire the cut of his jaw and the upturn of his lip as he winked.  At him. That cheeky arsehole. Harry didn’t hear the particulars, but Eggsy was excusing himself from the group with a smile and making his way toward Harry- and what was Harry going to say when he finally got there?

‘Hey, Harry.’ Eggsy slid into the seat beside him and nudged one shoulder with his own, sloshing what little was left in Harry’s glass. ‘Fancy seeing you here.’

‘You led me here, and yet you’re the one claiming to be surprised?’

‘Weren’t sure you was gonna find that window, guv, but you managed that shit in record time you did.’

‘So you set me up to fail?’ Harry finished his drink before he turned and lifted a brow, and Eggsy had the gall to laugh.

‘Nah, I set you a challenge and you met it. Exceeded expectations and all that shit. So, now, I’m an open book- what d’you want to know?’ He lifted a hand to the barkeep and accepted to proffered drinks with a grin.

‘Why?’

‘Why’d I leave you messages?’

‘Why this double life in the first place? What’s the truth here, Eggsy?’ Harry looked away, tips of his ears pink, and Eggsy paused for a moment before speaking.

‘I was scared- terrified, even- of you connectin’ Lunete an’ Eggsy. You’re a posh man, you got class out your arse and you’re fit and funny and I knew you were leagues away from me in life. You’d flirt with Eggsy, but Lunete was a mystery an’ you treated him like any other bloke while at the pub an’ then started sendin’ gifts and shit.’ Eggsy ran a hand through his hair and looked ruefully at Harry, ‘You was thoughtful and flirty and it made me fall more for you that I had already.’

‘That doesn’t explain-’

‘Gettin’ there, Harry. Promise. When I started at Kingsman, I’d barely walked in and Arthur looked down his nose at me and sneered that he didn’ want to see my face again. I thought I’d been dismissed b’fore I could start, but Merlin drew me aside. Tol’ me to ignore Arthur an’ that he was my boss an’ til he said leave I weren’t to so much as think about the door. But,’ Eggsy shook his head, ‘he gave me the name Lunete, an’ said to make it someone Arthur wouldn’ look twice at.’

‘So you made yourself unremarkable.’ Harry concurred, and tipped his glass in his direction, but Eggsy shrugged.

‘I made myself what he was lookin’ for. Growin’ up at the Estates, after dad died, you learn how to read people an’ make yourself what you gotta be to get by, Jamal and Ryan know all the same shit I do- they just don’t gotta use it as often. But,’ Eggsy grinned, ‘to explain the rest of this shit you get a bit of a story.

‘See, you an’ I’ve met before all this shit. Merlin and I had a bit of a laugh about it once I’d settled in. Y’see, once upon a time,’ Eggsy reached into his collar and began to pull on a chain, ‘you came by my place an’ left this with me for safe keeping.’ He opened his palm, and Harry forgot to breathe.

‘Oh my god. Eggsy.’ Harry breathed, in disbelief at having forgotten the child. It was a memorable name, and yet Harry hadn’t recognised it when they’d crossed paths again. ‘Eggcy Unwin- you’re Lee’s boy.’ 

‘Yeah, an’ that’s the other thing- I didn’ know if you’d still fancy me, flirty and shit, once you knew that. Still don’t know, actually, but I got tired of pretendin’ at you. The way I figure, this shit goes one of two ways, yeah? Either we get on as mates an’ we move on, or this shit’s blown us to bits and we never speak again.’ Eggsy spoke as if either option was acceptable, but Harry could see the tension in his jaw and fondly thought of him as an idiot. As if there were only ever two choices when it came to life.

‘You’ve left something out, Eggsy.’ Harry spoke blandly, allowing himself a small smirk around the lip of his glass, before setting it down and facing Eggsy fully. He waited for Eggsy to look at him and not the tabletop, but he seemed to be doing everything in his power not to do so.

‘Oh?’ Eggsy didn’t dare look at Harry- he didn’t want a fatherly pat on the shoulder, or apologies for how his life’d turnt out- but when Harry’s hand landed heavily on the wrist clutching his glass his head snapped up.

Harry’s eyes flicked to his lips so quickly Eggsy swore he’d imagined it before there were lips against his own. Insistent yet chaste, Harry pulled Eggsy to him by framing his face with both hands. His fingertips cradling his jaw with what Eggsy could only describe as reverement. His eyes slipped closed, and just as Harry began to pull his hands away Eggsy made a soft noise of protest before leaning inward and pressing his insistently back. One hand held him steady on the countertop as the other wound itself into Harry’s hair as they began to lose time.

They broke apart to jeering from the other Minions, ‘get it, Eggs!’ and the two flipped the group off with a united two finger salute before dissolving into giggles.

‘Do they even recognise me?’ Harry breathed into Eggsy’s ear, and he shook his head in reply. ‘Well, they’re quite enthusiastic about your “getting it” from a man they don’t know.’

‘Like to hope they trust my judgement.’ Eggsy laughed, feeling high from the realisation that his antics hadn’t cost him a chance with the man before him. He pulled back, allowing himself to do a full once-over of Harry’s look- he looked gorgeous like this, ever so slightly undone, and Eggsy hadn’t let himself really realise it before that moment.

‘There’s never only two options, Eggsy. You know that as well as anyone.’ Harry smiled softly, running his thumb along his cheekbone.

‘Yeah, well, forgive me for puttin’ this option from my head after havin’ lied to you for so long. An’ forget the fact that  I’m nowhere near your league.’

‘We’re spies, Eggsy- lying is easy as breathing and takes half the thought of the truth. Not saying that I’m not a bit frustrated- but that’s more at my inability to be observant than your Parent Trap-ing me. And,’ Harry firmed the grip upon his face, ‘if I hear you dismiss yourself so easily again you’ll soon regret it. I love you, and if you find your own judgements are faulty then trust my own.’

‘You love me?’ Eggsy breathed, eyes wide like a child seeing art for the first time, and Harry allowed himself to drink his fill of the image before replying.

‘Well, I love what I know of you- both what you told me as Lunete and what I’ve come to know through our missions- and I look forward to loving the rest of you.’

‘Might take a while.’

‘Well, we have a while.’ The two pulled enough apart to finish their drinks, a pair of hands clasped between them as if to separate would break the spell.

[bwicblog]

>HANDS UP (and touch the sky)

While a global-spanning fishing attack has the Alternian internet glitching, Vadaya connects to the BWIC servers through his helming device. When Riccin IMs him and pushes him, he discovers he's able to make certain changes to the server - like punching a hole in the coding to allow a third person to be invited into his PM.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

OA: cOUSIN, DID I HONESTLY GO AND OFFENd? OA: bECAUSE THAT AIN'T MY INTENTIOn. UV: Oh. UV: That is how you start a private chat. OA: UV: No Riccin. UV: My apologies. UV: I did not mean to be so blunt. OA: OA: cOUSIN, ARE YOU DRUNk? UV: Incorrect. OA: hIGh? UV: Also Incorrect. OA: UV: Oh. UV: I made a capitalized letter. OA: tESTING DRUGS ARE STILL DRUGS, YOU KNOw. UV: How. OA: OA: hm. UV: My apologies. UV: I am unused to this. OA: dON'T YOU START FUCKING APOLOGISING TO ME. WHY, SHIT THROWS US ALL LOOPY THE FIRST TIME, COUSIN. GOTTA BUILD UP YOUR MOMENTUM. GET YOUR FEET IN THE RIGHT FUCKING ORDER, 'FORE YOU START WALKING STRAIGHt. UV: I am not on drugs. UV: That is incorrect.(edited) UV: I am currently drugged. OA: UV: But not on those kinds of drugs. OA: rIGHt. OA: yOU GOT ANY TECHS IN THERE WITH YOU? IT'S THAT TIME OF THE PERIGEE, AIN'T It? UV: Correct. OA: tO WHICH PART, COUSIn. UV: I am in testing. UV: But i recommended that i was also allowed to do training. UV: Oh. UV: Both. OA: rIGHt. OA: wELL, GOOD, THEY GOT YOU WOUND UP LIKE A KITE, BETTER BE KEEPING AN EYE ON YOu. UV: I am not a kite. UV: I am just trying to learn speaking through computer systems. OA: OA: what. OA: like. they got you hooked in? UV: Correct. UV: I am very hooked in. OA: aW, SHIt. OA: hOLY SMOKES. NAH, WAIT, FUCK THAT: HOLY FUCKING SHIt. OA: tHAT HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST GODDAMN WICKED THING I HAVE EVER LAID THESE UNFORTUNATE VISIONSACKS UPON. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, VADAYa. OA: tHAT'S SO FUCKING COOl. OA: bUT, LIKE, FUCk. OA: hOw? UV: How. UV: Question mark. OA: aND FUCK, HOW THE FUCk -- OA: tHEY WON'T EVEN LET ME DO THAT SHIT YET, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOu? OA: hOw. OA: qUESTION MARk. UV: I have not figured out question marks. OA: pRESS AND HOLD SHIFt. OA: UV: OA: wAIT, SHIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT REAL LOUd. UV: QUESTION MARK. OA: gODDAMNIt. OA: tRY THINKING IT LIKE IT'S A QUESTION, BROTHER. THINK IT LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING IT. THINK IT LIKE IT STOLE YOUR FUCKING MATESPRIT, AND NOW YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES, EDGE OF THE FUCKING DOCKS, HAND REACHED OUT TOWARDS THE SHIP THAT'S ALREADY ZOOMING TOWARDS A GALAXY AS FAR THE FUCK AWAY AS YOU COULD EVER EVEN IMAGINe. UV: Why did that not send. OA: tHINK IT LIKE YOU FUCKING MEAN It. OA: qUESTION MARk!(edited) OA: bUT WITH A ?. UV: I cannot do exclamation points either. OA: aRE YOU SCREAMING It. OA: pUTTING ALL OF YOUR FUCKING LUNGS INTO It. UV: I can not scream. UV: I am watching my body. OA: 'cAUSE YOU GOT NO MOUTh? OA: hm. UV: My mouth was not removed. UV: I simply can not use it. OA: yEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT ACCESS, COUSIN, THAT'S ALL I MEAn. OA: aCADEMY SLANG. FORGIVE Me. UV: Oh. OA: hmmm. OA: hmmmmm. UV: Comma. UV: SIGH. OA: hEY, LOOK, YOU GOT ALL CAPs. :o) OA: sHIT, I WISH I WAS THERE. YOU TRIED GOING ON THE NET, COUSIn? OA: tRIED STRETCHING OUT YOUR LEGs? UV: I was told not to. OA: OA: OA: mm. UV: Because of viruses. OA: vIRUSES AIN'T NO BIG TO DODGe. OA: wHY, HALF THE ACADEMY BRATS ARE WIRED UP, AND THEY AIN'T NABBING VIRUSES LEFT AND RIGHt. OA: jUST DON'T GO TOUCHIN' NOTHING YOU DON'T WANT TOUCHIN' YOu. UV: I am in the bureau intranet. UV: It is quite vast. OA: hUh. UV: I will be able to integrate with ships. UV: Why are my messages appearing elsewhere. OA: i AM SO JEALOUS, I COULD FUCKING SPIt. OA: dON'T SUPPOSE I COULD COME TAKE A GANDER AT YOUR SETUp? OA: gOT RULES AND SHIt. OA: sHAMe. OA: aND 'CAUSE YOU AIN'T SURE WHAT YOU'RE DOING, COUSIN, THAT'S ALl. OA: oR OUR LOCAL FUCKING MODERATOR'S FINALLY GOT MALWARE INTO HIS poor, poor little pan. :o) UV: Let me borrow the speaker system to ask. UV: Oh. UV: I forgot to turn off audio again. UV: Feedback. OA: nAH. YOU'RE LEAKING, SURE AS SALt. UV: Incorrect. UV: My other chat room i do not leak. OA: bECAUSE IT'S THE INTRANET, COUSIN. WHY, THEY GOT YOU WIRED STRAIGHT INTO THAT SHIT. IS IT ANY WONDER YOU FIND IT EASy? OA: tHIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNEt. OA: gOTTA SAY, MAYBE IT is FOR THE BEST, YOU KEEP YOUR ASS OFF THE MAINWAYs.(edited) UV: I suppose not. UV: I have not considered it before. MH: But it looks like I'm banned from lowbloods right now. UV: The main internet seems. UV: Oh. OA: ! OA: lu? OA: :o? OA: wHAT THE FUCk. OA: hOW THE FUCk - OA: wHAT SORT OF HAVOC YOU WRECKING, COUSIn? OA: yOU TRYING TO GO DIGGINg? UV: I did not do that. UV: I am offended you thought i would dig. OA: iT WAS ANOTHER JOKe. :o) OA: dON'T START FUSSING, COUSIN. YOU ARE THE FINEST MOTHERFUCKER I HAVE MEt. OA: tHE MOST STRAIGHT-LACED OF MOTHERFUCKERs. UV: My apologies. UV: I think i find jokes harder to determine like this. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg.(edited) OA:(edited) OA: wELL, SHIT, IT ATE MY MESSAGE. HOLD On. OA: iF YOU WERE LACED ANY TIGHTER, SHIT WOULD BE ruinous. BREAKING BONES. RUINING PANS. CUTTING OFF ALL SORTS OF BITS THAT A MOTHERFUCKER MIGHT NEED, ALL WILLY-NILLY, WITH NO CONSIDERATION FOR A SINGLE FUCKING THINg. OA: bUT AS IS, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FUCKING UPSTANDINg. OA: aND DON'T YOU WORRY NONE ABOUT MY JAPEs. :o) UV: It sent to my other private conversation. OA: OA: :o? OA: hOW MANY CONVOS YOU GOT running? UV: Two private ones. UV: Another chat room. UV: Highblood and general chat. UV: Delete. UV: Sigh. MH: Tell Riccin I say hi. UV: Images are strange to look at like this. UV: Look is the wrong word. OA: hUh. OA: yOU TALKING TO LU? SHIt. OA: yOU OUGHT TO SEE IF WE CAN TURN THIS INTO A PROPER THREESOME, COUSIn. OA: sHE HOPS OVER HERE, I HOP OVER THERE, DON'T SEE WHY NOt. OA: jUST, Mm.(edited) OA: sHOVE AT THE WALLS A LITTLe? UV: I am unsure how much shoving i can do. OA: wHY NOT GIVE IT A TRy? :o) UV: I am unsure. UV: Oh. UV: That is. OA: OA: :o? :o??? UV: If i JUST. -unruffledVanquisher has started trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!- MH: OA: ! MH: What. UV: Success. MH: Is this glitching again. MH: Because now I can see Riccin. OA: nAH, SISTER, JUST GOT VADAYA HERE TO THROW AROUND SOME FUCKING WEIGHt. OA: hOW SWEET IS THIS SHIt? MH: What the hell did he do? UV: It was not weight. MH: I feel like this isn't how the chat should be. MH: I'm not complaining but. MH: What. MH: I think ID closed the other chat. MH: Between just me and you Vadaya. UV: Oh. MH: .... They're letting me stay in highblood chat though. OA: wHAT? FUCKEr. OA: bIASED MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: tELL HIM TO LET ME INTO THE HIGHBLOOD CHAt. OA: dON'T SEE WHY I SHOULDN'T GET TO GET MY BUSINESS IN THERE, TOo. UV: At least he did not close this chat. MH: He gave me permission to stay, do I want to lose my own permission by trying to bother him for it? No. He's fickle. MH: Sorry Riccin, you're going to have to fight him yourself.(edited) MH: Or wait for a window to open. Apparently that's how others are getting in. MH: That's how I got in, and apparently I lost my lowblood privileges too. OA: :o( OA: fINE. I'LL GO FIGHT OUR PINK FUCKING OGLIARCH. WHY NOt? OA: gET MYSELF ALL UP AND BANNED, JUST 'CAUSE HE'S ALWAYS GOT TO GO PLAYIN' FAVORITES WITH THE rusts. MH: Then wait for a window. UV: Windows. UV: Yes. OA: bOO ON BOTH OF YOu. OA: uh.(edited) OA: 'kAy. UV: Boo. OA: hm. UV: Boo. OA: hOW LONG YOU TWO KNOWN EACH OTHEr? OA: sHIT, HOW WELL YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHEr? :o) OA: dON'T YOU BOO AT ME, MOTHERFUCKEr. OA: i AM BOOING AT YOu. MH: Hahaha. MH: We chat on and off. OA: hUh. UV: Correct. OA: sO YOU AIN'T FLESH PALS, HUh? OA: OA: rEGULAR OL' FUCKING BOSOM BUDDIEs? OA: wHAT YOU TALK ABOUt? UV: Chess. MH: MH: Never say flesh pals again. OA: :o( UV: Oh. MH: Sometimes we play chess. MH: Sometimes we talk about books. MH: It's on and off. OA: hUh. OA: wHAT KIND OF BOOKS, GIRl? OA: sHIT, IS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER HERE ALL UP ON THE READINg? OA: gOT YOUR NOSE IN THE PAGEs? MH: ....Yes? MH: I read a lot on war tactics and the like. I also read a lot of engineering books. UV: Yes. UV: I recommend books and we speak about ones that we have both read. OA: sWEET MESSIAHs. OA: dUNNO WHY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER I KNOW'S SUCH A GODDAMN NE MH: ...Nerd? OA: nUANCED LITERATe. OA: nAh. MH: Uh huh. OA: wHY WOULD I SAY NERd? OA: gIRL, THAT SHIT's MEAn. OA: sTONE COLd. OA: uN FUCKING NECCESSARy. :o) MH: Yes. It is. OA: ha. UV: I have been called worse than nerd. MH: Have you? MH: What have people called you? UV: A troll without a personality. OA: MH: Why? OA: wHAT SORT OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD EVEN PULL THAT SHIt? MH: That's stupid. UV: To be cruel. UV: I imagine. OA: dID YOU SET THEM RIGHT? CLOCK 'EM IN THE SNOUt? UV: No. UV: I did not damage them. UV: I sometimes think they wish i would damage them. MH: Why not indulge them. UV: Unprofessional. MH: If they have the spine to go around picking fights, then maybe they - ah. OA: nAH, NAH, HE'S GOT A POINt. OA: iNDULGE THEM, AND LET THEM GO WEEPING BACK TO THEIR CLADE? WRINGING THEIR FINGERS? KNITTING THEIR GODDAMN BROWS? PUTTING ON A SHOw? OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ALL OF THAt. OA: wHY NOT HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT, COUSIn? MH: That's true. MH: Though it might not help the situation. UV: I do not think that would stop them. MH: Because if someone off the streets comes up and hits them, they won't even know why they're getting hit. UV: Have you done such a thing before:question: UV: MH: That's great. MH: Have I done such a thing as pay someone to hit someone else for me? Or hit someone for saying things about me? OA: oH, COUSIN, I HAVE HIT FOLKS FOR TALKING SHIT TO THEIR BETTERS ALL THE GODDAMN TIMe.(edited) OA: mIGHT AS WELL SAY IT'S A HOBBY, AT THIS POINt. MH: I've hit people for it too. MH: Sometimes wigglers won't learn not to touch fire unless they get burned. OA: nO HARM TO IT. WHY, IT'S PRACTICALLY A FUCKING service. MH: They get a warning, then they get the consequences of not listening to that warning. UV: I understand. UV: I have never considered it. UV: Mostly i just ignore them. MH: You said you don't say hit them because it's unprofessional. Are they a coworker? UV: Of sorts. OA: a MOTHERFUCKER GOES SPILLING THAT TEA ON YOU AGAIN, COUSIN, JUST GIVE A HOLLEr. OA: iT AIN'T UNPROFESSIONAL IF someone else GOES STRIKING THEm. :o) UV: I would not wish to get you in trouble. UV: But. MH: Well. I think I heard that you're head of your group, correct? MH: Can't you file a formal complaint? Or disciplinary action? MH: I think that went into general, Vadaya. UV: It did. UV: It is complicated. MH: Huh. MH: Sorry to hear that then. MH: They sound like an asshole. OA: eh. OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO? I'M IMPERIAL, COUSIN. AIN'T NOBODY HOLDING MY LEASH, BUT MY PROCTOR HER FUCKING SELf. OA:(edited) OA: wHAT TROUBLE CAN I GET INTO, COUSIN? :o) I'M IMPERIAl. MH: I'd also offer to hit them but unfortunately, I am not imperial. MH: I doubt a backwater hick like me striking an Imperial will go down well. MH: So you'll have to take my support instead. OA: nOW, GIRL, DON'T YOU GO DOWNPLAYING It. OA: pRETTY THING LIKE YOu? OA: wHY, JUST SAY THE WORD, AND EVERY KIND OF MOTHERFUCKER WOULD JUMP THROUGH A FLAMING GODDAMN hoop, JUST TO net YOUR approval. ;o) OA: nEVER MIND YOUR support. UV: Oh. UV: You are pretty? MH: MH: Thanks. OA: OA: nAH, SHE'S DUMPY AS FUCK, I'M JUST PLAYIn'. UV: You are aware. UV: How? OA: uh. OA: i THOUGHT SHE WAS THE WRONG KIND OF GAL, THAT'S ALl. OA: sHIT, WEREN'T YOU THERE FOR THAt? OA: aLL SORTS OF UNFORTUNATE GODDAMN MISTAKEs. OA: fELT LIKE A RIGHT AND PROPER CHUMP, MIXING UP EVERY HUE OF RUSt. OA: OA: hEY, YOU GOT YOUR NOODLES ON, COUSIn. :o) UV: Hmm. UV: Yes. UV: I did. OA: wELL. THAT'S FUCKING WICKEd. OA: um.(edited) OA: rEAL WICKEd. MH: Indeed. MH: So what are you up to today Riccin? I know Vadaya is doing his certification. working. What about you?(edited) OA: hIDING FROM THE LEGIs. MH: Smart plan. OA: gOT SOME HARDWARE GLITCHES GOING ON WITH THE HANDHELDs. OA: sO I AM FUCKING free, IF I KEEP MY HEAD BOWED LOw. :o) OA: ha. OA: aIN'T IT JUSt? MH: From what I saw of the legis you HAVE been working with, they're a trashfire. MH: I can't imagine what it's like to work with DS. UV: Oh. UV: Them. MH: The trashfire. MH: I find it hard to respect someone like that, if I'm honest. OA: oH, COME, NOW, AIN'T NO NEED TO START DRAGGIn'. OA: bROTHER IS THE MOST USELESS SHADE OF MOTHERFUCKER, BUT HE'S A SUBJUG, THROUGH AND THROUGh. OA: sUPPOSE IT'S MY place TO BOW MY HEAD, TAKE THE SHIT HE LEVIEs. OA: aIN'T It? MH: I mean. I guess. MH: But I don't believe people in authority should have that authority if they haven't earned it. MH: Authority is authority but it defeats the purpose if the person who has authority can't MH: MH: Well, I won't start dragging. MH: I have my feelings on it, but I'll keep them to myself. UV: Yes. UV: Lets not argue about such things. UV: It is not every night we have what amounts to our own private chat. UV: No need to waste it with debate. MH: Exactly. OA: hm. OA: wELl. OA: tHAT'S TRUe. :o) OA: bUT YOU KNOW ME. I AM JUST SO AWFULLY mealy-mouthed WHEN YOU HAUL ME OUT IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS SHIt. OA: wHAT THE FUCK CAN WE EVEN TALK ABOUT IN HERe? UV: I am uncertain. UV: I have no idea. UV: You wanted to see about making a threesome chat. UV: So i did. OA: OA: ha. OA: sO I DID, AND YOU SO KINDLY OBLIGEd. :o) OA: wELL, SHIT, Uh. OA: yOU MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA SEE THE ISE OFFICe? OA: aIN'T EXACTLY HEADQUARTERs. OA: bUT SHIT, I CAN GIVE YOU THE TOUr. MH: Considering I'm just sitting around on waterfront doing nothing, sure. MH: Since this was Riccin's idea, I say they should be the ones leading the conversation train here. UV: Make sure it does not get broadcasted to the general chat. MH: I can keep an eye out to let you know if any messages slip so you can delete them. OA: aIN'T YOU A FUCKING DEAr. OA: lET ME JUSt - OA: there we fucking go. speech to goddamn text. and they said technology was hard. ha.

-- obstructedAntiquity [OA] has started up a VIDEO CHAT! The camera's actually remarkably crisp, and it goes on a slow pan around the room they're in. It's.. a fairly standard legislacerator dorm, all things considered. There's a picture of the Imperial Symbol standing on the mantle. The ceiling tiles are a fetching shape of neon red. -- -- There's a tealblood on the opposite bed, studiously ignoring them. --

OA: where to first? we got all sorts of spots in here. OA: training rooms, and shit. UV: Why not the training rooms?

-- There's a long jostling pan through the hallways! So much red. SO MUCH RED. Tall, swooping archways, in a tacky, 1920's bank kind of way: it's less utilarian and more clearly repurposed from an older building. The phone pans over a cluster of subjuggulators near a statue, some neophyte legislacerators gossiping near a doorway, someone with a drone on a leash --

OA: wait. wait, shit, which training room? OA: guess we could go snooping on the clowns, cousin. ain't no big. why, pull up my scarf proper, ain't nobody gonna pay no mind. OA: or we could look at the legi's shit. OA: you know they got an actual fucking courtblock? MH: Is that a drone on a leash? MH: Why does someone have a drone on a leash? UV: Hm UV: Why not the Mirthful first? OA: huh. OA: didn't you know, girl? OA: jades fuckin' breed 'em. the little ones. OA: should have that motherfucker on a full harness, though. OA: keep it from going feral on someone. MH: Well, I knew they came from the caverns. But why do they have one. UV: I am sure they can be handy in that line of work. UV: If for the intimidation factor alone. MH: You know what, that's fair.(edited) OA: hahaha. OA: because it's the legis office, sister. imperial.. uh. shit. let me check the sign. OA: OA: imperial social enforcement. we got some cavewretches in here, all dressed up in teal. OA: caverns need their watchdogs, after all. OA: otherwise folks start thinkin' the dark blinds the empire's eyes. OA: and naaaah. MH: Ah. Sounds about right. MH: They hunt rebels and mutants, right? UV: I believe the ise do all sorts of things. UV: Depending on the branch. OA: the two i'm with, yeah. OA: proper fucking hunters. OA: hold up -- OA: aLRIGHT, SWITCHING BACK TO VOICE, THESE CHUCKLEFUCKS DON'T NEED TO KNOW I'M FUCKING NARRATINg. MH: Yeah. MH: Might be for the best.

-- The camera pans as they wander through one door, and into.. the indigo training area. It's very clearly set up for subjuggulators: there's spotted carpets on the ground, enough indigo draped across the walls that it looks like a tent, and recruits in various states of uniform wandering between the stations, and through a pair of open archways in the back. Some are wearing crowns. The center of the room has a pit, and Riccin steps towards it briefly, before treating back to a corner. It's still easy enough to see the stations, though, and the indigoes settling on psi-crowns at them. --

OA: ha. OA: tO SAY THE VERY LEASt. :o) OA: tHEY DO AL SORTS OF SHIT, SISTER. COUNSEL QUADS. HUNT DOWN REBELS. I'M WITH THE HUNTERs. OA: aIN'T NO NEED FOR ME DOING PAPERWORK, OR QUAD COUNSELLING, OR TAXES, OR ANY OF THAT SHIt. OA: iT'D BE A PROPER WASTE OF TALENt. MH: What's up with the trolls at the stations? What are they doing? OA: aIN'T YOU EVER SEEN A GUNNEr? OA: i CAN'T GET TOO NEAR TO TAKE A VID, SISTER, LESS YOU WANT ME SPRINGING A LEAk. OA: yOU PUT ON THE CROWN, SHIT AMPLIFIEs. OA: tESTS YOUR PSYCHIC SHIT, PULLS IT OUT STRAIGHT, AND SEES HOW FAR YOU CAN GO - HOW FAR IT CAN BE pushed - BEFORE THE STRING SNAPs.(edited) UV: I doubt lu has much experience with those sort of thing. UV: Hmmm. MH: I don't. OA: :o? OA: hUh. MH: It's the first time I've seen something like that. MH: Sounds. Interesting. MH: I'm sure it's not as painful as you made it sound to be though. MH: Right? OA: wHAT, PAINFUL FOR THEm? OA: iT'S A STRESS TEST, GIRL, YOU AIN'T GONNA GET NOTHING MORE PAINFUL THAN THAt. OA: aMPLIFIERS ARE THE EMPRESS'S OWN PUNISHMENt. MH: Riccin. I know nothing about psionics or the technology used on them. MH: So you'll have to be patient with me if I sound a bit ignorant. OA: :o? OA: hUh. OA: mY BAD, GIRL. FORGET YOU FUCKERS AIN'T ALL.. EDUCATED ON THIS SHIt. OA: OA: sHIT, GOTTA GO. I'LL FINISH THIS LATEr. OA: oR JUST SEND PICS, HELl. :o)

-- obstructedAntiquity has left the PM! --

UV: Ah. UV: It is probably for the best. UV: I should not have been watching a stream. MH: Aw. MH: Yeah. You've been on a long break haven't you? Or have you been sneaking into the chat this entire time? UV: I have been multitasking. UV: The testing is. UV: Simple. UV: Boring. MH: .... Do you want me to leave you to it or would you like me to stick around? UV: I should focus. UV: I will let you go. MH: Very well. MH: Good luck. I hope it goes well. UV: Thank you.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has stopped trolling mistingHafgufa [MH]!-

In the aftermath of the server glitching, Vadaya messages Riccin while helming, and ID pops up to browbeat a perceived saboteur in his server.

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: Good evening comma riccin. UV: Failure again. UV: lol OA: hA. WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE FUCKING TRYINg. :o) OA: sHIT'S WHAT FUCKING COUNTS. OA:

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] has started trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!- -unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling obstructedAntiquity [OA]!-

UV: What?

- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV] !-

UV: ????? UV: oh what the fuck UV: who is this UV: whats going on ID: You! UV: you! ID: I cannot believe you have the AUDACITY to show up in my server again. ID: After last time! UV: who the hell are you! UV: Ah. UV: ...... oh no theyre squishy ID: No~ooo, space cadet, you've gotten the script all confused! ID: That's what I'm here to ask YOU. UV: Correct. UV: oh no UV: vadaya UV: Why would you use a name at a time like this? ID: D'you think just because you're coming from some dinky little imperial server, sweetheart, you get to swan in here and start testing out your wings? ID: Clipping other folks feathers? ID: ID: Are there two of you in there? ID: Oh, for fuck's sake. ID: It's a handle, darlings, not a clown car! UV: your name has been used all over in conjunction with your handle on the server UV: are you telling me the helm who runs this cant just search your name and boop :heart_exclamation: find you? UV: There are two of us. ID: Lovely! Stupendous! I am just ecstatic with joy, sugargrubs, just flushing pink with it all the way through. ID: Two of you, and you still didn't have the common sense not go trying to punch poor, innocent sysop's, just trying to do their job, right in the horn! UV: alright alright UV: so like UV: My apologies. UV: whats happening now UV: like whats going on here going forward UV: are you coming to yell at us ID: Am I yelling right now? UV: metaphorically UV: I do not think they are yelling. ID: Of course I'm here to yell at you! UV: and there we go UV: I am incorrect. ID: p(●｀□´●)q UV: ..... UV: thats adorable UV: i cant even be mad ID: You are destroying ID: ID: Isn't it just? UV: Ah. UV: That is hard to understand. ID: But, oh, don't think complimenting my emojis will save you from this! (๑•̀д•́๑) UV: view it as a picture not text UV: wait UV: How do you view it as a picture. UV: Question mark. ID: UV: °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° ID: How are you so bad at this, sugargrub? Good heavens! ID: Just do your head a little tilt and convert it! UV: thats because he IS new UV: why do you think im here ID: I don't know, since it obviously isn't to keep him from punching holes into my server! UV: its all just for shits and giggles UV: i wasnt here for that! UV: That was my first time in the system. UV: My apologies. UV: he had no idea what another helm felt like UV: and now im here! to tell him what to do and not do ID: So you hooked up some poor little wriggler, and promptly set him loose on the internet, to go nipping at my vines, tearing at my wires? UV: well no not you UV: not anyone UV: he did it for shits and giggles ID: My server isn't the testing ground for ID: ID: Oh, well, that's better. UV: I did not do it for. UV: That. UV: hold on hold on UV: okay hold up UV: it was an accident UV: he didnt know what he was doing UV: and now hes supervised! UV: hes expressed a lot of remorse for punching you in the brain and weve yelled at him a lot for it UV: Ellipses. ID: Ellipses indeed! (๑•̀ n •́๑)✧(edited) UV: seriously though i hope he didnt hurt you too hard? UV: i mean with all of this glitch shit going down i cant imagine its really helping ID: He did diddly squat, my little worrywart, except fan the fires of my poor temper. (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) ID: And a little hackers in the wires aren't bothering the server, anyway! Or won't be, as soon as I move it somewhere a little more secure than this lovely little hellplanet. UV: I am glad that i did not damage you. ID: But I'll tell you want, Vadaya, my grapeblossom. If you promise - absolutely promise! cross your pumpbiscuit and hope to die! - not to pull such complete, raucous bullshit again in my server, then I won't ban you, and every other schmuck connecting from a helmsport, how's that? UV: me too (;´Д`) ID: Or you, and your clowncar mentor. (╯︵╰,) ID: I was getting there! UV: no that wasn't what i was me too-ing about UV: the i'm glad you didn't get hurt thing UV: thats a fair warning though UV: Grapeblossom. UV: I understand. UV: I will not cause damage to the server again. UV: It was reckless and inconsiderate of me to push on the server to begin with. ID: It was! ID: Imagine if I was in space when you did that! Why, who knows what sort of business I do? What sort of ship I might be piloting? ID: You could've caused frontline deaths, elderberry, and then where would we be? UV: shit outta luck (´ཀ`」 ∠) (edited) ID: Overtaken by Steelborn, and eaten alive by their fetid, horrible young! ಥ ^ ಥ ID: And it would've been all your fault. ID: Think about that! UV: (-@Д@) UV: Mentor. UV: You are not helping right now. UV: Those emoticons are distracting. UV: I understand. UV: ive realized i have not been sending them at the speed needed so i will stop UV: I am probably slowing you. UV: My apologies. UV: dw about it UV: o o o ohh you asshole :anger: (howfuckingdareyou) UV: (ಠ ∩ಠ) UV: I wanted to stop slowing you. UV: ლಠ益ಠ)ლ ID: Well! This is delightful, and bizarre. (´-ω-`) ID: Why are you duel-piloting, dears? ID: What's your spaceship classification? UV: nnnnnoneeee UV: Ellipses. UV: shits shits shits shits and giggles :rofl: UV: Sorry ゞ◎Д◎ヾ I'm terrible ble ble ble bleeee at keeping my words straight UV: doesnnnn n n n n't translate over well (idiotwaskeepingmestable) UV: Mentor has a hard time keeping his thoughts straight. UV: fraid i think more in tangents and pictures than straight words(edited) UV: That is why i am here. UV: practice makes perfect UV: he figures out not to punch people in the head and i figure out how to get my shit sorted ID: Well, alright! ID: I'd ask further, but I just don't think I need to know. Especially now that you've got me feeling all bad for you. ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ ID: What is it, burnout? UV: Classified. ID: You just punched me in the brain! UV: Mentor did not. UV: He is the classified one. UV: whats burnout? how messed up my text is? ID: Yes, yes, that. UV: Quiet MENTOR. ID: No need to go hushing him! ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ Why, we're just having ourselves a friendly conversation. ID: I could go rummaging on your connection, much like someone went rummaging through my server, but instead, we're just drinking our metaphorical tea, making ourselves a pleasant little time of things, because we are civilized. UV: Ellipses. UV: its fine UV: its been a busy night - probably not as busy as yours buuuuuuut i think were almost up on our alloted shits and giggles time??? UV: what time is it UV: I did not want you to become stressed comma MENTOR. ID: Hahaha. ID: Time for you to go, obviously. (个_个) ID: So sad! Have a safe trip back! Try not to trip on anyone else on the network on your way out. (｡•́︿ ~ ｡)(edited) UV: we understand your terms and conditions though and we do promise we're not going to go around and mess up your stuff. UV: (☍﹏⁰) ID: Well, gosh golly, as long as you promise. UV: so maybe we can all still enjoy ourselves while being respectful of the boundaries around us?? UV: (✿ヘᴥヘ) UV: we won't bother you a bit! i'll make sure of it! (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ ID: There you have it! (๑˘︶˘๑) Respect my boundaries, and I'll respect yours, darling. ID: Now shoo! UV: we're shooing! ID: Don't make yourself strangers! UV: Farewell. UV: ヾ(☆▽☆)

-unruffledVanquisher [UV] is no longer trolling iconicDisquiet [ID]!-

ID checks back in on Vadaya, curious to see if he can pry out what the deal is with this indigo helm:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

ID: You know what? I was just sitting here, looking over my to do list, figuring out what a busy fellow like me was going to do with his evening, when I thought to myself - ID: Why, ID, you scoundrel! You haven't checked in on the little space cadet in weeks, and weeks, and weeks! (╯^╰) ID: And here I was, meaning to see how you were doing absolute ages ago. A pox on my bloodline, blueberry, because I have done wrong. But rending my garments won't fix that! Sometimes you just have to say: well, gosh, and move right on. ID: So how are you? （＾ω＾）(edited) UV: Ah. UV: Well. A busy. Fellow does not always have time for such minor things. UV: I would not call you a scoundrel for it. UV: But I would not call myself a space cadet either. UV: I am. Well. And... Yourself? ID: Oh, you wouldn't? You could just colour me pink, I am so flattered. ID: Should I be saying helm cadet? ( ~ ω・) UV: Mmm. I can not stop you from calling me anything. UV: But I would prefer my name. ID: Do you think just because I own this server, I know everyone's names on here? ╭∩╮ ID: I'm wounded, blueberry. I do do more things than just reading people's chats! Why, especially when they're so uninteresting. UV: My apologies. Mentor used it in our last. Conversation. UV: I was unaware that you had forgotten. ID: Oh? ID: I assumed you wouldn't go using a real name in that sort of conversation, that's all! (•ω•) But, why, if that's the case.. ID: My night is positively swell, Vadaya. ID: And thank you kindly for asking! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o UV: Mentor is. A bit scattered. And difficult to reign in at times. ID: Is that so? Poor thing! Well, I'm sure the two of you will get the hang of it, right as rain. ID: Helming isn't too hard, after the first few tries! ('▽')♪ ID: How is it treating you so far? Easier now than it was at first? ( ~ • ^ ) UV: Correct. It was just a matter of learning the ropes. UV: I apologize again for my error against you. ID: Oh, there's no need to apologise a second time! I'm just checking in on the name of solidarity, Vadaya. ID: Us helms have to stick together, don't we? (¯ u￣๑) ID: It's practically the foundation of our little community! We have to guide every fresh new wriggler to the interweb, just to ensure they don't go doing anything too foolish!(edited) ID: But stars and garters, it's so nice to hear you're picking it up! I was just awfully worried at first about how you were going to manage. UV: ...Yes, well. UV: I have Mentor now. Who has been doing their duty well. There is no need to concern yourself with me. UV: As you said. You are a busy troll. There is no need to put more on your plate by worrying about me. ID: Oh, don't you worry about me worrying! I'm like a furry mammalian predecessor to every pupa on my chat, and you are all as dear to me as my very own hypothetical, hideous offspring. Worrying is just the burden I bear! ID: If it weren't over you, why, it'd be over the disquieting sort of shenanigans people get up to in general. (￣^￣;) Fermented eggs. Really! ID: So, Vadaya, my blueberry, how long have you been rigging up? UV: Your chat is mainly pupas. And you do not seem to worry too heavily over them. I believe I have seen you more in private chats like this than I have in actual chats. UV: I would rather not discuss it. ID: No? Did I step onto an NDA? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ ID: I didn't think they usually gave folks of your caste pan nannies! ID: And nonsense! I'm in plenty. When I need to be. (｡･ω･｡) UV: Incorrect. I simply do not wish to speak about it. UV: No need for a nanny. UV: My apologies then. To an untrained eye, and the murmurings of the chat itself, you seem absent. ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. ID: Are you equally clammed up on those, too? ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Usually one introduces themselves before they ask about the other. ID: Why, you want my name? UV: Just trying to maintain good manners. ID: Well, gee whillickers. What would I do if a little sprout like you wasn't here to remind me of those? ID: Would you believe my first name is Iconic? (•ω•) UV: I would wonder if you were from Barcino. ID: Oh, a shot to the heart! ID: (╥﹏╥) ID: Not at all, dearheart! Why, I have a perfectly respectable last name, rest assured, but I think manners says that a highblooded troll like yourself is supposed to do the honor of sharing that first. (≧u≦) UV: I was unaware that coming from Barcino was such an insult. UV: I think we are fine with staying on a first name only basis. ID: Were you really? ID: Why, then that's good! You've learned something tonight. ╰(´︶`)╯ But hopefully that won't be the only thing you learn. Pull out your notebook, Vadaya, I have some advice, straight from my own glorious mentor, back when I was first hooking up. And, if you can just believe it, she practically built the tech. ﾍ(￣▽￣*)ﾉ ID: Or do you think you've got it all already? Why, it has been practically perigees and perigees. ID: You might be a bonafide expert! ( ° △ °) UV: How prestigious. UV: You must be an important helm. UV: I am certainly no expert, but I am learning well enough. I have plenty of guides, you do not need to concern yourself with offering more advice. UV: I am sure you have much more critical things to focus your energy on. ID: Why, Vadaya, I bet I'm only as important as you. ʕ•v•ʔ ID: And nonsense! Like I said before: the most important thing is making sure our fellows know what they're doing. Offer up some advice! Lead them on the right path! ID: Smooth over little things before they happen, just because no one warned you it's impolite to go slinging fists. ╰(´︶`)╯ UV: ...Honestly, you do not need to worry about it. UV: I was made aware of my mistake. And I am glad that you and the server have not suffered any long lasting effects from it. ID: Maybe I want to worry about it! Why, you and I and your mentor are the only helms on this entire little server. ID: I thought we could share some camadery. ︶︿︶ ID: Maybe even plant a seed of friendship, given your awfully kind concern about my servers well-being. ID: And mine. ID: So generous! ╮(╯▽╰)╭ UV: Incorrect. UV: There is The-Beat-of-an-Egret’s-Wings-as-it-Breaks-into-Flight-From-the-Shore. ID: Oh? UV: Perhaps you could offer them your advice. They did not seem very. Happy. ID: And what handle is that, Vadaya? (￣▽￣) Why, I can't believe I missed a big relevation like that! UV: Can you not find it on your own? UV: I am sure you were occupied with other more important things at the time. ID: I could, but I thought you might know off hand, if you typed up her entire ship name. ︶︿︶ ID: And I'm a little occupied right now! I'm just making time in my schedule to talk to you, on account of our solidarity, but I have some naughty wriggler on the line, getting a scolding even as we speak. ID: But if you don't know, why, I suppose I can just go look.. UV: My apologies. I am unsure of how you run your server. I did not think it was much of a task to look someone UV: UV: Okay, which one of the wrigglers is this? UV: You can be pink on this chat room? UV: A bit garish really. ID: I do work a job outside of this server, you know! ￣へ￣ Don't most of us? ID: And ID: - oh! A new face! ID: Why, hello, there. UV: Yes yes, hello to you too. UV: Can we wrap up whatever business is going on here? UV: We're a bit busy. ID: Why, sure thing! ID: I'll just make sure to let Vadaya know how Egret's holding up later, since they were so worried. ฅ'ω'ฅ ID: Have a good night of.. well, whatever business you're getting up to!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledvanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, another try: ID pries for more information, only somewhat successfully.

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now trolling unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Vadaya! ID: Are my little eyes fooling me, or is someone plugged in? ʕ•^•ʔ ID: I guess you could just be switching things up. Stretching out your fronds. Trying out a new quirk! ID: But that sure does look like the sort of talk you get from pupa's first speech-to-pan. UV: Elipses. UV: If i am disturbing anything and i was unaware of it. UV: I will leave. ID: Disturbing things? No, not at all. ID: Why, Steamy's having just about the best night of her perigee out there, chattering about all this techno junk. (๑˘︶˘๑) ID: I was just curious! UV: Well she seems to have. UV: Fallen asleep now. UV: I believe. UV: Curious about what? ID: She does that, poor dear. ID: If you were plugged in to chat, sugargrub! If you've got a cord in your neck, or spine, or forehead, letting you send all of these twee little messages straight from your pan to my monitor. ( ˙꒳​˙ )(edited) UV: I believe you answered that question yourself. UV: If you did not believe that i was plugged in. UV: You would not have contacted me about it. UV: Correct? ID: Maybe I was just looking to get some validation! You know what they say about assumptions, Vadaya. ID: Nothing good ever comes out of those. ID: So, on the topic of questions: if you're really plugged in, and you're really indigo - ID: - which I'm sure a good, upstanding kind of bloke like you definitely is - (o´v`o) ID: - does that mean you're one of those fancy new bootleg psis? ID: Because I have to say, I just wasn't ever expecting to see one of you make it all the way out to the field. ID: Good job, space cadet! ( ❛ᴗ❛ ) UV: Of course i am indigo, i UV: Elipses. UV: Apostrophe bootleg apostrophe? UV: I am not a space cadet. UV: Either. ID: See, I knew you were an honest fellow! ID: It's just something about your face, sweetheart. (▔◡▔) ID: And no? Not a cadet? ID: All helmscapable pupas are cadets, dearheart, unless we went and changed up our structure while I wasn't looking. ID: Which I guess is possible! Why, there's nothing like a commander getting ideas to go and make everything confusing for us poor common folk. (╯︵╰,) UV: Noise of disgust. UV: I am not a. UV: Bootleg anything. UV: I hope this has helped sate your curiosity. ID: Oh, well! ID: It's not that I'm doubting you, dear, but - are you positively sure about that? Not just pulling my frond for the sake of pulling? ID: Because I just know the Carnifex's paying for some cobalts to come through. Some indigoes, too, if they can finally figure out the right measurements. ID: Why, the last one they tried, they cracked her poor pan open, set her all up, and then went and got the temperature wrong. UV: Elipses. UV: You seem to know quite a lot about these things. ID: Hahaha. ID: Well, gosh, do I? ID: What can I say! ID: Just between the two of us, I'm a pretty important fellow. (~ ω •) UV: I understand. UV: It must keep you busy. UV: Perhaps i should let you go so you can focus on it. ID: Oh, you don't have to scamper on my account! All the shrines are keeping my office all tied up, with nothing to do. ID: It's downright tragic, that's what it is. (ˇヘˇ) ID: You sure you're not one of Shep dear's little projects? Hatched out of the slurry, all right and proper? UV: I am not a project. UV: And certainly not of SHEP. UV: Shep. UV: Sigh. UV: I was hatched as i am. ID: Hmm. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hmmmm. ID: Well, I guess you'd be the one to know, sugarplum. ID: And if you were one of her little gene projects, why, you'd be at the institute, not at.. wherever they've placed someone as unique as you! UV: Yes. UV: I would. UV: Is that all you were curious about? ID: Of course! ID: Thank you just for being so awfully obliging. UV: Elipses. UV: Of course. ID: Don't think I've forgotten you wanted me to talk to mister Egret, by the way! ID: Why, I never forget anything. (´｡• ᵕ ~｡`) ID: I'll be sure to let you know how that goes, sugarplum, but in the meanwhile - why, have fun with your little helming. ID: And ta!

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is no longer messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

Another night, ID checks in with Vadaya again:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] is now messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --

ID: Hey there, elderberry! UV: Oh. UV: It is you. ID: Well! UV: Good evening. ID: What a way to greet a fellow. ( T ^ T)(edited) UV: oh look it's you again!!! :heart:⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ ) ID: Here I came bearing news and greetings for my favorite helm, and I get - it's you. ( ˙ ^˙ ) UV: what a delight it is to see you! ID: Oh! It's you! ID: My other favorite helm, bless your little biscuit. (〃＾▽＾〃) UV: I doubt we are your favorites. UV: what's going on now, did something happen again? ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ UV: c〳 ݓ ﹏ ݓ 〵੭ ID: Oh, space cadet, why would you go saying that? ID: Have I gone and given you the wrong sort of impression? (╯︵╰,) UV: well!! UV: the only other time i saw you was when dear sweet poor vadaya here had come and caused you some bodily harm! how could i not assume the worst?? (´；ω；`) UV: I did accidentally assault you. UV: It does not usually endear a troll to another. UV: What news did you have? ID: Oh, but we are so far past that, dearheart. Why, didn't I tell you before, when we were nattering on about poor little Egret? ID: Us helms have to stick together! UV: ╰(✧∇✧╰) UV: Dearheart. ID: I can't call you both elderberry, when only the one of you's indigo. ID: It's just not right! UV: and how do you know we're not both a delicious shade of elderberry ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡ ID: Statistics, mostly.! ╮( ︶▽ ´)╭ ID: Vadaya here already said he's not one of Shep's little pet projects. So, why, what're the odds that there's two of you, going about, getting all strapped in? ID: Though, gosh, I guess you could be a pair of gunners. UV: へ[ •́ ‸ •̀ ]ʋ do i really not seem like I can be??? UV: We are getting distracted from this. UV: News. UV: (๑◕︵◕๑) ID: Well! Anyway. I've moved on past the whole little punching business. We ought to be friends! ID: Goodness only knows there aren't a lot of us on here. ╮(︶▽︶)╭ ID: And right, right, the news.(edited) ID: How could I ever forget? ID: Have you two met our exciting new fellow? ID: The delightful Overseer? UV: the who ID: We have an Overseer now! All offishial, if you know what I mean. UV: don't you mean UV: offishoal(edited) ID: Perfect! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ UV: (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง UV: Ellipses. UV: I have already been speaking with the overseer. ID: Oh! Is that so? ID: Are the two of you already practically bosom buddies, then? UV: Incorrect. UV: But i am aware of his existence. ID: Hmmm. ID: Hm, hm, hmmm. ID: Well! ID: If you are, that makes things awfully easy. ID: Vadaya, how would you feel about doing me a little bit of a favour? ╰(´︶`) UV: What kind of favor. UV: 【・_・?】 UV: ɾ◉⊆◉ɹ are you trying to network through us? UV: ⍨⃝ ID: ID: I feel like that little thing warrants a star for effort, dearheart, or a suggestion to maybe not drink and helm? ID: One of the two! ID: And not at all, my little bundle of grapes. (・`ω´・) UV: ٩̋(ˊ•͈ ꇴ •͈ˋ)و UV: I think it is better than mentors second one. UV: That does not look much like a face. UV: Σ(‘◉⌓◉’) ID: If I was networking, why, I'd have to go much higher than just some stodgy little overseer. ID: And go a little stronger than some internet chatroom! ID: No, no. ID: If you're just wiling away the hours, nattering away with him anyway, though, why - it's no velvet off your horns to just ring a bell if anyone starts getting a little too antsy at him, now, is it? (҂ `з´ ) ID: .. and that's not a face, that's a computer. (＃￣ω￣) UV: You are asking me to moderate his interactions. UV: Ellipses. UV: For you. UV: i bet you could!! you're nothing but sweet silver tongue and absolutely as sweet as pie (灬ºωº灬)♡ ID: Moderating suggests you'd have to intervene! There's no need for you to go playing clubs, when that's us moderators jobs. UV: us??? is there more of you?? (•̀o•́) ID: I'm just asking you to ring a bell, that's all. ID: And aww, aren't you just the sweetest little thing? (｡・// ᵕ //・｡) I'm just tickled pink you've got so much gosh darn confidence in me. ID: Especially because, why, I can't exactly disagree. (・`ω´・) ID: But I've already got one queen! I don't think she'd like it much if I went schmoozing with overseers. ID: .. of course there's more of me! ID: Haven't you seen mini-me? (･ω UV: a queen! Σ(゜ロ゜;) UV: Mentor meant are there more moderacullers. UV: Are there? ID: So many questions! ID: You never struck me as the curious sort, sugarplum. UV: Not as many answers. UV: we're a curious bunch! ˓˓ ⍥⃝⃝ ˒˒ ID: Why so curious? (￣ω￣) UV: You have asked questions of me in the past. UV: I thought it was polite to show interest back. ID: Well, who went and told you that? (o´ω`o) ID: Our darling CC is one of the moderacullers! UV: Is it best to ask questions revolving more around you? ID: Haha, oh my goodness gracious. Are we that sort of friends, now? ID: And here I was worrying you were feeling all bothered!(edited) UV: Well. UV: Perhaps not friends. UV: But for who told me to ask questions. UV: ID: Oh? No, no, I should be the one apologising, then! I didn't mean to go stepping on your toes - why, it's just usually the first thing people share. Ship codes, time rigging, pilot details.. UV: My apologies. UV: I asked the wrong questions. UV: What is your ship code? ID: Well, those are the more typical sort of questions. ID: But there's no need to go and get feisty on me. Quoting my words back at me! (`n ´) ID: Who says I have a ship?(edited) UV: (｡☬０☬｡) then where are you helming from?! ID: Space! ID: Same as you, isn't that right? (=`ω´=) ID: Or are you planet-bound? ID: ID: Why, am I talking to genuine wrigglers? UV: You are not speaking to wrigglers. UV: We are in space. UV: What are you operating? ID: The chat, mostly. ☆⌒(ゝ。∂) ID: Tell you what, I'm answering an awful lot of questions here, but you still haven't answered mine. UV: I just answered two of your questions. ID: The first, dearheart, about ringing the bell! UV: I will attempt to contact you if anyone seems to be distressing the overseer. ID: Perfect. (´• ω •`) ID: Well! Sounds like we're all wrapped up over here, then, unless you've got more questions? ID: Why, I guess that's only fair, to give you pit for pat like that. UV: Thoughtful noise. UV: Mentor? UV: (๑°艸°๑) what's your name?? clearly we MUST have a name that we can call you!! UV: unless you told vadaya but not me?? ID: Haha, oh, gosh, I did! UV: (ノ﹏ヽ) ID: So I'm afraid you'll just have to ask him! ID: And in the meanwhile, there's your question, so: ID: Until next time! UV: ꒰๑•̥﹏•̥๑꒱ but wait! UV: what if i want to come chatting again?(ఠ్ఠ ˓̭ ఠ్ఠ) ID: ID: Why, that's adorable. ID: My handle's right there, you goopy-eyed rascal. UV: so i have permission?! ID: Of course! Never let it be said I'm not a magnamious ogliarch. UV: gasp!!!!!!!! UV: Magnanimous oligarch. ID: ID:

-- iconicDisquiet [ID] has stopped messaging unruffledVanquisher [UV]! --