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regrettablewritings · 4 years

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Preferences: Guilty Pleasures

Characters: Okoye, Lucifer Morningstar, Dewey Finn, Peter B. Parker, Ahkmenrah

Okoye

Okoye is straightforward and stony upon first impressions. And, admittedly, even afterward. The only real difference is that, if one gets to know her better, they might find shock in the fact that in spite of her appearance, she Dora leader actually likes sweets. However, it’s not sweet things in general that Okoye feels guilty for enjoying: It’s Starbucks.

Starbucks is the antithesis of everything Okoye is associated with: Supremely un-Wakandan, a chain establishment, and overall just not worth the absurd cost. Not to mention superbly unhealthy when compared to the rest of a fighter’s typical diet. But yet you can bet that every time she needs to go out of the country or off-continent, there’s an invasive shout for joy at the possibility that she might be able to get her hands on a Frappucino (followed by an internal scolding).

She can’t even explain exactly why she likes it; there are plenty of good, even healthier sweet things back in Wakanda -- heck, back anywhere else!

But it’s a bit like when someone craves the cheap taste of school pizza over a legit pie cooked in a stone hearth: She just loves the sugary sweetness, the application of whipped cream to an already tooth-rottingly saccharine icy drink, the addition of chocolate. But Bast, she also hates it. But ever since T’Challa practically shoved a grande cup of caramel frappucino into her hands, she hasn’t felt entirely the same.

Against her better judgement, she’s more or less unintentionally tried 45% of the menu drink-wise. She doesn’t particularly care much for the food part of the establishment, though if she should ever find herself in one during the fall, she might indulge in a chunky slice of pumpkin bread under the conviction that it’s healthy enough for being gourd-related. Never mind that it’s just a cinnamon mixture with more sugar than actual pumpkin-derived anything.

Really, of all those mentioned on this list, Okoye is the one who probably feels the most disappointed in herself whenever she indulges in her guilty pleasure: It’s a betrayal to her patriotism, to her dignity, and to her attempts to eat healthy. But damn, if this type of betrayal doesn’t taste so addicting . . .

Lucifer Morningstar

The thing about Lucifer is that it’s actually a bit hard for him to feel any regrets over liking anything; he’s the Devil, after all, so his whole thing is about embracing the things that make you feel good. And even besides that, he’s mostly managed to skate by in his time on Earth by categorizing things as Stuff He Likes, Stuff He Tolerates, Stuff He Doesn’t Bother With, and Stuff Humans Seem to Enjoy But He Doesn’t Quite Get. It’s a tad restricted of a system but you can’t argue with results.

However, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean that it’s impossible. The Devil can, in fact, recognize absurdity in liking certain things. Hence why, to a point, he’s fallen prey to his own bizarre pleasures: The Devil has guilty pleasures, and it’s in stupid YouTube videos, Vine, and TikTok.

After he finally drank the Kool-Aid and got himself a smart phone, it was only a matter of time before Lucifer fell down the rabbit hole that is YouTube prank videos and strange uploads about nonsense and animal humor. It was also only a matter of time before he found himself stumbling into Vine compilations. The Celestial is terrifically mystified by the creative power of humans, managing to tell entire stories and peak comedy in only a span of seven seconds. But he’s also quite loathe to have realized it’s been long defunct by the time he’s discovered it.

He’s even more loathe to find himself making references in his daily life: He has actually quietly blurted out, “I sure hope it does” in response to seeing a Road Work Ahead sign, causing Chloe some confusion (and Lucifer lots of embarrassment). He has referred to a culprit as “Jared, Age 19″. Since discovering Vine, there has been at least one night wherein he and a bed mate were sitting there with barbecue sauce on his tiddies, but that was by sheer coincidence.

But eventually the Vine compilation well dried up, and the inevitable transfer over to TikTok happened. And Luci honestly doesn’t know what to make of TikTok. He would describe it as Vine’s Molly-addicted cousin based on its obsession with dancing, but the dances are so stationary that even that doesn’t seem quite right. The videos on the platform are also much more . . . bizarre. And some of them admittedly trigger a fight-or-flight response in him, to which he always chooses the third option of freezing if only so he can keep watching the train wreck unfold before his eyes.

The trouble with TikTok, he’ll admit to himself, is that it’s not as easy to find iconic content the same way he could with Vine. However, this isn’t to say that he hasn’t found anything worth watching over and over and over again . . .

(Let’s just say the “Wolf Pack Compilation” lives in his head rent-free, and he’s both too amused by it and too overwhelmed by its vibe to try and evict it.)

Dewey Finn

Dewey is . . . a special case. Given that he associates messy living and indulging in one’s pleasure a part of the rocker lifestyle, he’s generally quick to embrace whatever makes him happy. He’s very upfront about his interests and is arguably almost incapable of feeling shame. But it’s in there: Deep down. No, not in himself -- in his Spotify. Specifically, a Spotify account made on an email he never uses because it was made specifically to create this separate, uber secret playlist.

One marked “Actual Musical Bops.”

Dewey hates musicals: They’re cheesy, uninspired, gaudy, ridiculous, totally aimed at chicks with weird fantasies that he could never aspire to, and the music is just overall unimpressive. And yet, somehow, against his music elitist nature, a handful have managed to slip through the cracks. At the very least, a handful of numbers have clawed their way past his defenses and into his ear, where they now live rent-free.

In spite of his best efforts, the problems are that he’s a New Yorker, so it’s inevitable that he hears a song or two; and also that, as an instructor (to wealthy New York tweens whose families can afford frequent tripes to the Great White Way, no less), he’s definitely going to wind up hearing about some shows and their stand-out numbers: Against his will, he knows the lyrics to “My Shot”; he has cried in the secrecy of his apartment to “When I Grow Up”; in the never-necessary reason he needs to remember how many minutes there are in a year, he sings it inside his head; hell, he’s even found himself trying to figure out the electric guitar riff from “The Phantom of the Opera” during his down time.

What’s all the more embarrassing is that, given how he presents himself as a music elitist, there’s just no way he can come back from this if anyone were to know. He has to catch himself when he finds himself humming “Johanna” in the teacher’s lounge. He scowls at himself when he can’t sleep and gives in and starts playing “No One is Alone.” He wants to kick his thick ass every time he realizes he’s excited to have stumbled across a “slime tutorial” on YouTube, this one with better quality than the last. The reason he actually put a password on his phone wasn’t out of privacy like a sensible person would, but out of a need to make sure that no one ever found out that he had downloaded the entire Beetlejuice soundtrack, including jankily-recorded songs that never made it to the official cast recording for whatever reason!

And should anyone ever find out about any of this, Dewey has a plan: “Oh, I’m doing research. I’m studying these songs so I can give the kids a lesson on what not to do as actually competent musicians.”

But the lesson would never actually come. Mainly because he keeps prolonging his “research” . . .

He’s also developed a bit of a soft spot for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic due to some students gushing about it, but he would rather sooner die than ever be associated with the term “brony.”

Peter B. Parker

Peter is at a point where he’s too tired to really care about the idea of guilty pleasures. The way he sees it, there are bigger priorities at stake than worrying about someone finding out about your love of some hokey activity or food or form of entertainment.

Besides, he’s a New Yorker: There’s way weirder stuff for people to just not pay any real attention to. Hence why he thinks nothing of his bizarre eating habits. And no, this isn’t referring to his disastrous appetite: This is about his tendency to eat food with his hands. Foods that, well, he really should probably utilize eating utensils for.

To be fair, this habit has always existed in him in some form or another, especially since, as Spider-Man, he often needs to eat food on the go. But during the time he spent living the life of a depressed bachelor, it came out in full force. On the rare occasion he wasn’t eating a food that deserved to be eaten by hand, he often found himself loathing the idea of doing the dishes afterward. There would be days he’d feel only slightly less depressed; enough to make a box of Kraft Mac n Cheese in the pot, but not enough to avoid cutting out the middle man.

He’s thankful the craptastic apartment wasn’t also see-through because if it were, he’s positive his neighbors would’ve thought they were bearing witness to a man’s breakdown as he wept into a pot of macaroni and cheese, his hand full of the stuff, while wearing a Spider-Man costume. (And, to be fair, they actually would be.)

In addition to this, there were also those nights where he would be prepared to actually tuck in to a plate of spaghetti, only for some crime going on elsewhere in the city to drag him away. By the time he’d return, the plate would’ve been cold and his energy too depleted to want to even dream about cleaning more than he already had to.

The great news is that he’s thankfully done a 180, now able and willing (if begrudgingly) to clean up after himself. But bad news is that this feral man will still eat a fully-loaded baked potato like an apple. In a park. In front of women and children. He’s just too tired to care anymore. He’s aware of the guilt in this as a concept, but he’s also aware that he needs to take whatever happiness he can get out of whatever he does. And if that means eating everything by hand, then so be it!

Ahkmenrah

Funnily enough, Ahkmenrah doesn’t seem to experience much of any shame for enjoying the things most might feel the need to hide: He’s constantly curious and has missed out on a lot over the centuries, so why should he feel bad for wanting to indulge in them? Celebrity gossip is just a more fun version of the palace gossip he’d grown up hearing as a boy; reality TV is like watching a play, but with much more fights, less deaths, and more faulty romances; and sloppy meatball subs are like a feast for a man of his time!

Besides, he’s a king: Kings shouldn’t have to feel embarrassment over what the common folk might think.

And yet . . . It took some time, but eventually Ahkmenrah did experience it: Guilt in his pleasures.

He couldn’t even recall where it had all started. Maybe he was searching for more content to swallow after the most recent season of his new favorite show had ended? Whatever the case, he wound up biting off more than he could chew when he stumbled upon . . . fanfiction.

The adorable yet sad thing is that he didn’t even think anything of it at first. It wasn’t until he brought up a ship he’d invested his last few nights awake exploring on the computer: Nobody knew what the crap he was talking about, so of course he felt the need to explain it. But the more he talked, the more perplexed his friends looked. And the more he could feel his cheeks and ears burn.

Oh, he thought. Is this . . . embarrassment? Is that what this feels like? Oh, this is just foul.

Thankfully, nobody pressured him to keep talking about it, but the poor king sure as heck didn’t feel much of a desire to talk any further about it. But he needed to talk to somebody about his newly acquired “feels” as those online were calling them.

Joining fanfiction-oriented sites was the next obvious step, of course, but he’s experienced mixed feelings about it: On one hand, it’s nice to talk with people who share similar views and excitement about a fictional couple. But on the other, the digital wars that have broken out both disturb him and bring out the worst in him.

Like, of course there are bigger things to deal with than whether or not So-So is better off with Him-Ham, but if you truly think that Blah-Blah and Himhaw are a healthy relationship, then you can go do a service and bury yourself in the desert sands to provide substance to the hungry beetles with your flesh --

Suffice to say, a lot of the guilt in this pleasure seems to come from the fact that Ahk can get a little too emotionally invested if the work is really good. He tries to limit his interactions to commenting and praising certain works, and encouraging content creators. However, he’s also contemplated contributing his own pieces of fiction to the fandom . . .

#okoye #lucifer morningstar imagines #dewey finn #peter b parker imagines #ahkmenrah #okoye imagines #lucifer imagines #dewey finn imagines #ahkmenrah imagines #regrettablewritings #spiderman into the spiderverse imagines #spiderman itsv imagines #spiderman imagines #i tried posting this on my phone and it literally fucking deleted EVERYTHING #anyway @staff: the fuck is up? fix that shit because now i literally cannot post SHIT on my phone from my laptop #preference #preferences

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laughing-with-god · 5 years

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Pandemonium VI

Words; 5.1k

“And where would I be? Feeling lonely...separated from my one and only. So please, don’t take my love away. Let my baby stay.” - Mac Demarco

“I mean...it is rather nice of him to do that.”

You shrugged at Kat, still on the fence on whether or not to have a positive or negative reaction to the anecdote.

You had just informed her on the call you had received just a couple of hours ago, the one concerning a certain artist paying off your mom’s medical bills.

Even you (a very stubborn person) had to admit that having that expense paid was a giant weight off you and your families’ shoulders.

But at what cost?

You recalled his cunning and sly smiles, further proof that his intentions may not be all that innocent. All you needed to find out was his motive for doing this. That would connect this puzzle and ease your mind of the enigma that was Taehyung. But the more you thought about it, the more puzzled you became. He was flirtatious but just you thought someone was cute, doesn’t mean it will justify paying off their injured mothers’ medical bill (that was at least a couple grand).

But, this was a rich kid you were talking about.

Money was as familiar to him as water was to fish.

He spent thousands like you spent monopoly money. Little to no care of real life consequences.

“I just wish for some context. Like what the fuck?” You asked your friend. Kat just nodded as she walked beside you, half listening to you but half paying close attention to the shops you guys passed.

“Yeah, it is very odd. You did say this was Jimin’s younger brother, right? Perhaps he heard about Jimin snapping and coming to our dorm so he figured he should apologise on Jimin’s behalf.” At the mention of Jimin’s name, your face went stony and expressionless.

You didn’t want to tell Kat about your day, about how Jimin went so far as to show up outside your class, clearly looking for you. You didn’t want to bring up his name ever again, especially in front of Kat. The last thing you wanted was for her to be reminded of your crazed sugar daddy and how he dared assault her. Hell, you didn’t want to think about your craptastic day.

You just sighed and agreed to let the topic drop, for now at least.

“I guess that makes sense. You’re very smart, Kat.”

She just laughed, used to you complimenting her IQ when you were just being over-dramatic and lacked the use of yours. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks which caused you to do so as well. Her elfish face looked up and grinned up at the sign of a certain small shop.

“We’re here.”

The overwhelming floral scent hit your nostrils, causing you to scrunch up your nose in slight disgust. You never got why people hyped up the smell of flowers...the citrus and perfumey smell gave you a slight headache when given to you in heavy doses.

“Kat, I really don’t think this is needed.” You murmured to you friend. She waved you off and guided you to the short line.

“This place is the most well-known florist shop in our city, (Y/n). Trust me, your aunt and mom will love this. And it’s always proper etiquette to send something when a family member is in the hospital.”

You rolled your eyes, “Sis, I literally spent days with her at the hospital. I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear as far as etiquette goes.”

Kat wasn’t hearing it. “Maybe after seeing our nice ass flowers, your aunt will get off your dick.” She laughed while rubbing her hands together.

“Okay I’m gonna act like you’re not just using my mom’s accident as an excuse to look at some flowers.”

If Kat heard you, she ignored it as she began to list off the different kinds of flowers that would be good in this situation. She really was a tumblr bitch whom was addicted to these types of things. You fondly smiled, you rather her be like this than the way you saw her yesterday. Shaken and afraid.

The line moved as one more customer was served. At this moment, Kat’s phone rung and her cheerful face slid into a more somber expression.

“I need to take this, it’s Cynthia.” You let her go, knowing just how thin and frail the foundation of their relationship currently was. Now you stood alone in the line, waiting for your turn.

With nothing to do, you couldn’t help but overhear the guy who was in front of you and talking to the worker.

“I don’t know much about flowers but I just need something to send to my friend, he just got married last week and I couldn’t make the wedding..” His voice was velvet smooth and neither high-pitched nor low.

All you could see was the backside of this man. He was tall and rather lean. Shoulders were wide, but they had a delicate droop downwards, giving his posture a relaxed but consecutive posture. His neck was long (at least the back of it was) and sat on top of his head was a perfectly brushed mop of black hair.

The worker just nodded and began to work on getting an order together for him. You supposed that they got that all the time, people just coming in and asking for flowers without knowing what is called for.

“I can take the next person in line!”

You moved up to the area beside the other worker and that mystery guy as an older lady waved you over to her work station. “What can I do for you, sweets?”

Words were caught in your throat. Fuck, it was Kat who was supposed to be doing all of this. You decided to follow that other guys’ lead and just tell her the situation so she can come up with the appropriate set up.

“Yeah, I need flowers delivered to my mother’s house. She got into a car accident and I can’t be with her as much as I’d like.” the older lady gave you a sympathetic look as she began to lay down some paper to wrap the the flowers in.

“Do you have a particular color in mind?” She asked, sensing your lack of knowledge. You shrugged.

“I don’t know.. My friend mentioned doing something multi-colored?” You trailed off, trying to recall bits of Kat’s rambling.

“Well, we just got some lilies in. They come in white, pink, red, orange and yellow.”

“Can we do white and pink?” She nodded and smiled.

“Did you mention this will be getting delivered? “ You nodded and she handed you a paper that needed to be filled out before heading towards the back to get the flowers.

While putting down the address and zip code of your moms’ house, you couldn’t help but feel as though you were being watched.

You looked over and it was the guy who was in front of you just moments before, instead this time he was facing you head on.

His face was long and slender, just like his body. Chin was in a perfect V-shape, lips were wide and pink while currently being pulled back in a chesire grin. His teeth were tall and pure white. His nose was high rised, but had a smooth and perfect arch. It was long without being too big and was weirdly the best nose you’ve ever seen. Although his face was slim, his cheeks held a good amount of flesh on them, and they caused his eyes to crinkled while smiling. His eyes were ink-black, but deep set and held a glossy look over them that made them appear slightly watery. They were slightly swollen as well, giving them the appearance of cuteness and surrounded by dense eyelashes. Sort of like an anime character. The man was currently wearing a denim jacket, white shirt and black jeans.

You made eye contact and he just continued to stare at you.

You huffed.

Why the fuck were men addicted to staring?

“Can I help you?” You called out.

He nodded, smiling even wider if possible.

“What’s your name?”

You rolled your eyes. “What’s it to you?”

“I’ll pay for your order if you just give me your name.”

Instinctively, before you can process it, you had said, “(Y/n).”

He took a step towards you, now peering down at you. “Hello (Y/n), I’m Hoseok.”

You nodded but ignored his words and pushed the clipboard to him. “So like right here is where the card information comes in. Don’t forget to tip the delivery person too!” You shoved the paper in his face, making sure he won’t go back on his promise.

He laughed cheerfully, the sound like bells chiming as his eyes scrunched up to the point where you doubt he even could see through them, mouth widely ajar as more laughter escaped it.

“Your very funny, (Y/n).” He commented, looking at you up and down while still chuckling,

You nodded but couldn’t help but notice that he had yet to fulfill his side of the deal. You fake laughed but grabbed his hand and forcefully shoved him to the table along with the clipboard.

“HAhahA, yeah so the order should come out to like 30 or something and I don’t know about shipping costs but like here’s the pen and if you can just sign here and there, that’d be great.”

He laughed but did it nonetheless, signing off on paying for the order. Apparently, your pushiness was very humorous to him.

You gave hit back a pat on the back and said, “Thanks dude, but I gotta blast.”

He called out from behind you but you sprinted out of the shop, not wanting to give him the chance to regret paying for your flowers. Kat was outside still on the phone, you just dragged her along with you down the street, promising to explain later.

As a wise woman once said; men ain’t shit but walking dick with wallets.

“Is that really what you thought of me?” He laughed hard, bunny smile evident and and rounded teeth poking out.

“Listen sis, I just know a fuckboy when I see one and all my alarms were going off when I spotted your steroids headass.”

“For the last time, I’m not on steroids.”

“Yeah, you prob just snort protein powder like it’s crack. “

Jungkook laughed harder at that, hunching over in his seat.

At the moment, both of you were at the campus library. You had agreed to meet up for the project, not willing to risk your grade being compromised just because your partner was someone less than ideal. Also, he proved himself to be somewhat decent when he helped you sneak out when Jimin showed up. Quickly, you started to feel bad for assuming that he was trash. Throughout the study date, it became apparent that he was stuck in a fuckboy body, what laid under that was actually an easily flustered dork.

“(Y/n), you’re hilarious.” He giggled. You shrugged at this. You honestly weren’t that funny, people just didn’t expect girls to be able to crack decent jokes.

You two were sat at a table, side by side with papers and books spread out between you two. The library had large bookshelves that surrounded you, so tall that they almost reached the high ceilings and successfully blocked anyone from being able to see you and Jungkook unless they were at one of the other tables in the section. However, the place was very empty with the core inhabitants being the librarians themselves, plus Jungkook and you.

“Yeah, yeah. Listen, we got to find a way not to fail this class.” You told him, trying to turn the attention back to the work.

You had been there for roughly 20 minutes, but still nothing had been accomplished yet. Jungkook had wanted to know why you were at first so cold to him, and you honestly told him that he just had that stupid frat boy vibe and you were already in a grouchy mood in the mornings. He spent the next few minutes trying to convince you that he was actually a lame nerd. He listed off the things he did in hopes that your previous assumption of him would melt away. You had to admit, it worked rather well. The iron man obsession, the video game marathons, the IU posters and the hobby of photography and videography weren’t what you first pictured when you saw him. You thought of axe body spray, “nudes?”, stupid gym pictures of him flexing and party going along with all those other things that came along with being a fuckboy. You guess you were wrong.

“Basically, he just wants us to answer those questions onto a google presentation that we have to share with him.” Jungkook explained, also looking at the work now. You groaned.

“How am I supposed to be able to answer those questions when I wasn’t even here for that lesson?” You thunked your head against the table. “Jungkook you should consider curb stopping this professor. Like, your so big for no reason? You should take one for the team…”

“Is that all I am to you? A fucking right-hand man to send to handle your enemies?” Jungkook fake pouted, placing a hand onto his chest.

“Shit, kook. If I have a body builder for a friend, am I expected not to use him?” Jungkook sighed, bunny face relaxing into a lazy grin. He took out a few more things from his folder and handed it over to you.

“Here, I have the answers and notes from that lesson. Just copy it down so you can look it over whenever you need.” You nodded in thanks and began to copy his work over to your own blank sheets. It was quiet for a moment as Jungkook just fondly watched you do this, taking in your

side profile and adorable face expressions of concentration. He wanted to drink you in blissfully, not with a care in the world for anything but this moment. But something was preventing him from doing that. Something that bothered him.

“(Y/n)?” he asked gingerly.

“What?” You responded, not looking up from the scribblings of fast note-taking.

“Do I know that guy who you had to sneak past?”

This question caught you off guard. You looked up. “No. He doesn’t go here and he’s a bit older.”

“If he ever gives you any problems, you know you can call on me right?” This made you snort.

“Kook, you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.”

He stared into you, eyes so dark and voice so bleak when he stated, “I can under the right circumstances.”

“KAT! WHAT THE FUCK ARE MY QUALITIES?!” You yelled from across the dorm from your spot on the loveseat.

“FUCK IF I KNOW!” She hollered right back from the bedroom. You grumbled and pondered a bit more.

‘Good team player, headstrong, analytical and grand ability to laugh at oneself.’ You typed this down while chuckling at how lame it sounded.

The next question popped up on the screen.

“KAT! WHY AM I A GOOD CANDIDATE FOR THIS POSITION?!” You screamed.

“SIS YOU’RE NOT!”

You ignored this while typing down, ‘In desperate need of experience and said position offers such qualifications.’

The job application was complete and sent.

Ever since you had cut off Jimin, you sworn off sugar daddies all together. But, this didn’t mean that income wasn’t needed. You decided to do things the old fashioned way instead of chilling with older and richer men for cash, and chose to start filling out job applications.

To be honest, you didn’t know how you were going to manage to take classes full time as well as work but you figured that you should at least try to talk to some employers about working. You sent applications everywhere. To fast food places, to clothing stores, to even personal assistant positions.

If you didn’t at least get one call back, you were going to shoot yourself.

Luckily, in a matter of two hours a call did come.

You had an interview tomorrow afternoon.

A skirt, a dressy top and heels is what you were currently wearing. You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and honestly couldn’t recognize yourself.

You looked like such a corprate drone…

The business building was very nice as well as the bathroom that you were currently hiding in. You were one of the few people from the waiting room that were all interviewing for the position. It was to be a personal assistant of some business director.

The description mentioned that it would be all very easy work. Just managing the schedule and meetings he would have, getting coffee, and maybe picking up some dry cleaning here and there. Apparently this guy was a big deal because one letter of recommendation from him will almost guarantee a number of jobs.

But here you were, freaking out in the bathroom.

The other females in the waiting room all appeared to be very much determined to work for this guy. They looked more qualified and more comfortable with the setting that you just felt like a fool for even showing up. You would definitely be wasting the interviewer’s time. The other girls in there wore stilettos and carried fucking mini briefcases!

You took a deep breath and tried to cool off by spraying some cold water on your face, not enough to ruin your minimalist makeup. However, it would take a bit more to calm you down

You decided to make a quick call to Kat. You dialed her up and right away she picked up.

“So I’m having a panic attack in the bathroom before my interview….” You trailed off.

“Naturally.”

“Listen! I know I’m the queen of over reactions but I can’t help but feel like something really shitty is about to happen!”

At this moment, a woman who was way more prettier and confident than you’ll ever be in such a place, walked in to the bathroom during your little rant. She gave you a dirty look before disappearing in a bathroom stall. Embarrassment colored your cheeks.

“(Y/n), what the fuck can happen at an interview at a well respected business? Don’t freak yourself out and get back out there. Let’s get this bread.” Kat attempted to encourage you.

You just nodded and hung up given you were no longer alone in the bathroom and would feel more awkward to continue your meltdown.

‘Let’s get this bread indeed’ you thought with fake confidence, before leaving the bathroom.

As soon as you stepped back into the waiting room, a voice called out,

“(Y/n) (l/n)? Mr. Kim will see you now.” You halted in you steps before taking a deep breath and making your way up to the desk, heart pounding.

The secretary smiled at you sweetly and motioned for you to follow her.

You allowed yourself to be led to a conference room where she told you to just knock and wait for a response before going in.

You knocked on the large black door, lightly. Listening closely for your cue.

“Come in!” A light voice called out.

You opened the door and stepped inside.

It was a big room that had glass walls and a breathtaking view of the city’s skyline. There was a long table with about 10 seats sourrounding it smack dab center of the room. You guessed that this is where meetings were held.

A man was seated on one side of the table and began motioning for you to sit on the one right in front of him.

Currently, he was looking down at his laptop and typing away, glasses on and cup of coffee beside him. He still had yet to look up at you.

You supposed he did this one too many times today. The guilt of wasting his time hit you once again now that you had a face to put to the poor interviewer. And what a handsome face it was...

He had really wide and buff shoulders that was covered by a suit. His skin was extremely pale and free of any imperfections. Not so much as a single blemish tainted his face. A walking advertisement for any skin-care product he uses. His face was oval shaped and held a very sharp jaw. Chin prominent and square-ish to balance the slenderness of his cheeks. The lips were very pouty and dark, berry pink. His nose was straight and had a cute, fleshy bulbous at the end. At each side of his nose were one of his small and black eyes that were currently downcast. His eyes held slightly curled and coal black eyelashes, that matched his black hair that was charmingly tousled on top on his head. He looked like he was a high-class actor. It was almost hard to believe that someone could achieve such physical perfection without the help of plastic surgery. Not one feature about him was off-putting. You supposed someone as physically blessed as him must get used to the stares of women.

“(Y/n), is it?” His voice was high and soprano with a enchanting twinkle.

“Yes.” You simply answered.

He looked up for a brief glance to look back down at your resume, only to look back up at neck-break speed.

His eyes bulged a tad bit as they met yours once again.

A crooked smile spread across his face after a moment of just observing you.

“I’m Kim Seokjin. I’m the one who is looking for the assistant.” Your eyes widened a bit at this development.

Fuck, this whole ordeal just became a bit more intimidating.

“Well Ms. (Y/n), I’d love to get to know a bit more about the type of person you are.” He said while leaning forward against the table, placing his enthralling face on top of his propped hands.

You were a bit taken aback at how focused he was, and wondered if everyone got such treatment during their interviews.

“Umm...I-”

You were interrupted when the door opened and someone stepped inside. A husky voice asked,

“Jin, when is the meeting going to start? We all got shit to do you know and you’re taking up the whole conference room.”

Jin’s face dropped to a look of annoyance as he glared up at this unsaid person. “Yoongi, I’ll be done in a bit. I’m in the middle of a interview.” he looked back a you. “It will most likely be the last one for today. Miss. (Y/n) looks to be a very promising candidate…” He winked at you, confusing the hell out of you. You barely said anything about yourself and you knew damn well the info he had on you wasn’t exactly groundbreaking.

“Whatever, I’ll just tell the rest th-Wait.” The voice cut itself off. You heard footsteps get closer. “(Y/n)?”

You turned around.

And there stood that fucker from the bus.

“Yoongi?” You asked. He smiled, gummy and sweet.

Today he was wearing an armani suit (nothing like the hoodie you first saw him in) however his tie was still loosened which made you smile. Even in this type of environment, he still managed to be laidback and chill.

“What are you doing here, doll? Don’t tell me you’re trying to be Jin’s new assistant.” He droned, face bored but soft smile still present.

You nodded, nerves slowly melting away now that you saw a familiar face. You joked, “Do you mind putting a good word in for me, man?”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Sorry babe but I don’t hate you enough to try to put you onto this job. Jin’s probably gonna have you position his hair dryer just right for him more than doing actual work.”

“Hey! Is that a way to talk about your older brother!” The handsome man seated in front of you yelled, facing turning slightly red.

Your jaw dropped at ‘brother’.

Before you can say anything, another voice added to the conversation, this time it came from right outside the now open door.

“What’s the hold up, guys? We promised dad to get the expense reports done today and I’m not working overtime.”

You looked over at the voice and almost shat yourself.

God wasn’t gonna let you outrun this for too long.

You ran from him originally but somehow you managed to run towards him without your knowing.

There stood Park Jimin.

“(Y/n)!” He exclaimed. He thrusted himself into the room and onto his knees before you, taking your hands into his. His eyes (that already were rather swollen and red) teared up as his cherub face glazed up at you.

“B-babygirl, I’m so happy to see that your okay! When you told me about your mom and the car accident I just felt so awful.” His voice broke as he hiccupped some more. “W-what can I do to help, (Y/n)? Please! Just tell me! I’ll do anything to earn a spot back into your life!”

He was full on sobbing at this point. Chubby and small face covered with tears as he pushed himself further onto your lap and closer to your face.

“You have the right to be upset with me, b-but you can’t just kick me out of your life! I’ll accept any punishment but that!”

Due to the commotion, you hear murmuring sounds come from outside the room. You couldn’t bring yourself to tear your eyes from Jimin and his usually joyful face that was now crumpled up with misery. A proud man who had everything was currently on his knees in front of you, begging just for some sort of contact with you and reassurance of your well-being. His unique and raspy voice sounded so raw and broken when crying out for you.

You patted his head, trying to get him to calm down to any extent.

He leaned into the action, reminding you of a kicked puppy who just craved affection from his owner.

You heard multiple footsteps enter the room, without a doubt here to witness the scene of businessman Jimin and his sudden breakdown. You decided to ignore the other personas in the room and try to reason with your former sugar daddy.

“Jimin, you attacked my roomate. I can’t forgive that.”

He jumped up at this, grasping at your waist and pulling you closer to him, apparently not caring if he wrinkled his fancy suit. “It’s a misunderstanding, I swear! Let me explain!”

You heard a harsh gasp that pierced the room so vividly that you just had to look up and see who it was.

There stood four men, watching the scene.

And you knew all of them.

Each and every single one.

“i have 6 brothers.” Jimin had told you this on the night of your first outing.

And like that, it connected.

All of it….. connected.

Like a puzzle you didn’t even knew existed until all the pieces were face to face with you, mocking your inability to solve it.

7 men who were all young, handsome and heirs to a multi-million dollar company ran by their father.

Like a Shakespearian drama, hell unleashed itself in the confined space of the conference room.

“You’re the crazy ex (Y/n) was talking about?!” Jungkook yelled, glaring at Jimin with his doe eyes know filled with pent-up aggression now that he knew whom was responsible for your fear.

“How the hell do you know her?” Hoseok demanded of Jungkook. This made the youngest of the bunch scoff.

“What do you mean how do I know her? We’re classmates! The question is how do you old, senile fucks know her?!” He hollered, addressing all of the other men in the room.

Jimin ignored this and tugged your face back to him. He just needed you to forgive him, he didn’t bother with his siblings at the moment. He had tunnel vision whenever you were in a room. Now more than ever, as your forgiveness was top priority.

“I didn’t attack Kat! (Y/N), you have to believe me! And why are you even interviewing for this job, baby? You know that as your sugar daddy that I’ll provide for you.” Jimin was holding you so close to him, afraid that something might just snatch you up if he wasn’t looking. Which was somewhat true given the particular scene…

“Sugar daddy?!” Seokjin gaped, shocked at the revelation.

“So she’s basically only with you for money…” Yoongi smirked, monotone voice expressionless as always. He was pleased because this meant your relationship with Jimin was very easily replaceable and not built off of true feelings on your side. He’d just offer you more money and tada! You were going to be his.

“Was. She was with him.” Jungkook corrected, crossing his arms.

Jimin snapped at this term, brain not willing to comprehend that it was over. Couldn’t they see that this was just a bump in the road for him and (Y/n)? He wanted them to shut up before they gave you ideas of keeping him away from you.

“Shut your fucking mouths! This is our relationship and our business. Not you nosy motherfuckers!” He growled at them, stunning you.

Your mind was so preoccupied at the moment. Even amongst this chaos.

How did you manage to run into all of them at once? In an office setting, nonetheless.

You’ve been to Jimin’s workplace before and it was a building that was on the other side of town. So, how the fuck are they all here?

“I thought the building on the West side of town was your guys’ family business.” You mumbled, dazed and confused. This was like a venus fly trap that you stumbled upon. You usually had more wit than this to willingingly walk into a messy situation.

“We have 3 different locations in the city, baby.” Namjoon said this while studying your concentrated face fondly. It was so cute when you thought so hard.

You eyes looked up to meet the one brother who had yet to speak.

He was the only one who looked unbothered with the whole ordeal, just watching it with aloofness and moderate entertainment at the digs they gave each other.

“Why did you pay off my mom’s bills?” You couldn’t help but ask him, not knowing if you’d ever get this chance again.

He smiled down at you, and even the other brothers stopped to study Taehyung, alarmed at your question.

He shrugged and asked, “Is it wrong to want to take care of my future mother-in-law?”

Author’s note: ALL MEMBERS ARE HERE NOW SO ALL ASKS ARE OPEN!! Also thank you all sooooo much for the support and esp the asks, I love doing them. Pls let me know what you think of this chapter and also you guys should feel free to send any questions you may have for me or just to say whatever you want. I love it.

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itshaejinju · 7 years

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Some Noctis Fluff

FF15 AU Noctis survives by the power of gray skull. lol So I asked @iinkpools to do a FF15 match up for me and I received the lovely Prince Noctis. And while I was driving home this came to mind and I wanted to share it with her! This is the first non smutthing I've written in a while....if you guys pick up the random mentions to music groups and anime character a epic virtual high five for you. ------ Noctis approached the door of the apartment of his girlfriend it was oddly quiet. . .was she not at home? Peering into the garage he saw her car so she was around it was summer so she wasn't going to be walking around out in this heat. Taking out his spare key smiling because he had just received it a few days ago from her she saying he spends so much time here might as well have a key. Walking into the front door it was really silent, normally that would be a nice thing for Noctis. But at his girlfriends apartment that was super rare and not natural. Her place was always filled with music all sorts of varieties of sound from classical to k-pop making the place constantly buzzing. You could hear a pin drop it was that quiet. "Jin?" Noctis called out her name feeling a bit nervous. Then he heard a frustrated shout that sound like a broken war cry. His heart leapt up into his throat was someone harming her? Summoning a short blade Noctis rushed to the sound of the shout. Boots slamming on the hardwood floor he made his way to the study were the door was partially open. A cat came rushing out the room yowling in fright the small black ball of fur whizzing past him looking terrified. "Uh okay Bassy..." Noctis muttered shaking his head as he pushed the door open all the way. The large computer desk that was filled with books, two computers and a coffee pot. The room held a large sofa that Noctis slept on when he was attempting to help Jinju write and work on helping Ignis publish his first cookbook. Though he wasn't sure why she wasn't working on her own cookbook is beyond him. "Jin?" He called out not seeing her around. "Huh?" He heard a muffled voice coming from under the desk. Going to the desk clearly there was no danger that a sword could fix returning the blade he noticed a shapely ass sticking out. Moaning slightly and turning a deep shade of red at the sight of his girlfriend bent over wearing a short skirt showing a lot of thigh right now. Why was she such a tease like this? Kneeling down beside her placing a hand on the left thigh rubbing fingers over the bare skin. "Hey!" She shouted shocked slamming her head on the top of the desk. Jolting out of spot and shoving Noctis a little as he started to laugh at her reaction. Her glasses were skewed on her face, violet hair covering her bright green eyes, she glared at him. "I am in a middle of a crisis right now Noct!" She exclaimed tossing her arms in the air breasts bouncing as she did. "Yeah what is going on it's silent in here." Noctis commented motioning around the room. The whole apartment was wired to speakers so if the computers or the phone was plugged in to play music the entire apartment would hear it. "That's my crisis! The CD player on the laptop is not working and that craptastic thing can't go online for some reason after Prompto borrowed it to edit some photos. The desktop well I don't know what is wrong with it the damn thing won't play any of my YouTube videos or anything like no sound at all. Then my phone died....I'm going crazy Noct, I swear I heard my own heartbeat earlier...." She said with a panicked tone she was getting flustered breathing raggedly and looking like she was going to have a panic attack. Noctis let out a small laugh she looked so cute like that he didn't quite understand her need for constant music reaching forward he pulled her into a hug. "Calm down okay?" He said soothingly kissing the side of her face not liking that she was panicking so much over this. "I can't Noct I need the music...the phone is charging but I can't plug it into the system and charge it at the same time." She sobbed wrapping arms around him tightly, taking a deep breath enjoying his scent. "I unplugged everything and reinstalled shit and it's still not working..." She continued sounding a bit muffled as she had her face buried in his chest. "Well I'm not really good with computers hun but let me have a look at it okay?" "Really? Please I'll make you those cookies you love so much." She said looking up at him pushing her glasses back up her nose eyes bright with hope. "Okay. Now let's see. . ." Moving over to the desk Noctis started to exam the machine. Jinju got to her feet standing behind him hands reaching to this thick black hair running slender fingers through the hair massaging his temples and scalp. She leaned forward pressing her breasts against his back and neck kissing the top of his head. Noctis squirmed in his seat a little then moved his free hand up to grab at her hand holding it giving it a reassuring squeeze. "So I've never asked and despite it does make it hard to sleep here sometimes, why do you have to have constant music going?" Noctis asked blue eyes meeting those dazzling green eyes of hers. She let out a sigh right next to his ear, it sounded a lot more erotic than it should have. It was getting a bit hard for him to concentrate on finding out how to fix the computer. "I just can't stand the sound of silence like it's just so boring...but also when it's too quiet the negative thoughts come in. I start feeling depressed and think about things I really shouldn't think about. I used to listen to music when I was little to drown out my parents fighting so I could hide away in my own little world and not think about them fighting. And well if it's silent for too long now I just get flashbacks." She admitted her small hands massaging his shoulders. "Really? I didn't know that babe, I'm sorry." Noctis said turning around to face her locking eyes with hers. "It's not like it's your fault. They aren't here anymore shouldn't let it bother me now but I just can't....ugh so stupid of me I know. I probably look more pathetic to you now." "No you don't, love you've never looked pathetic. Look at all you do you work at a successful bakery, write books and help Ignis out a lot. Your are beautiful and who can I swap sarcastic jokes with if not you?" "Thanks babe, I just feel so lame sometimes." "Well you aren't lame. Did you check the wires? Like the ones in the hallway remember Bassy was bouncing around the house like mad this morning." "He was? I don't remember I woke up kinda out of it..." "Well you did drink a lot last night." "Who wanted to try out drunken sex?" She smirked kissing the side of his head. "Oh the phone has enough charge..." She plugged the phone in playing the first song on the playlist, nothing happened. Pouting she unplugged it allowing it to play on the small speakers. 'I love you 1-4-3...🎶.' Came out of the speakers, as Noctis stood up he noticed the pleased and calmed smile that graced her face. "You are so cute." He mused pulling her into a kiss. "Lets check those wires." Taking her by the hand he went to the hallway that was in question. In the hallway stood the black cat, Bassy crouched in the middle looking like a stalking butler glaring at the wall. On the wall high up where the wires were that ran through the house was a small mouse chewing on the wires. One of the two wires were broken and the second was close. "Ah! The culprit is small and fluffy." Jinju exclaimed pointing at the mouse. "Hence the cat and his reaction." Noctis replied looking down at the small cat to the mouse. "What should we do about it?" "Well we're not killing it...let's just shoo it outside." She urged him to go catch it. "It's your music you catch it." He said not wanting to chase after a mouse. "I'll do that thing you like in bed.~" She teased giving him a sultry wink. Noctis blushed and let out a large nervous gulp she was willing to do thatfor catching this mouse? "You are such a sexy pervert." He admonshed as she changed music on her phone. 'I'll let you ride the disco stick.🎶' She smirked at him as he lunged for the mouse catching it first try. "See Noct you got it!" She shouted happily clapping her hands bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Yeah because your ass is the reward." He said with a smirk and headed to the back door. "Hehe, I'll get some electrical tape." She laughed that laugh music to his ears glad she was feeling better already. Ten minutes later the apartment was back to being the normal loud self. Peppy kpop music filled the apartment and the smell of freshly baked snickerdoodle cookies made the place pleasant. Noctis always stays in the kitchen when his girlfriend bakes as she is big on letting him taste test everything and she often breaks out in cute dance moves that he just can't help but love. "So here's a cookie...let's go to the bedroom for that other reward~." She cooed taking him by the collar of the shirt as she placed a cookie in his hands. -Fin-

#fluff #noctis lucis caelum #prince noctis #ff15 #final fantasy 15 fanfic #reader insert #final fantasy xv

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azirafailure · 5 years

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Craptastic Animes 2019

Here’s half the slides and shows featured at my panel this year, Craptastic Animes and Where to Find Them. I’ll post the other ones in a bit as “The Crimes of Idea Factory”. Thanks all who came!!

#craptastic animes and where to find them #bad anime #anime #anime detour #humanoid #chargeman ken #vampire holmes #twinkle nora rock me #hand shakers #after school in the teachers lounge

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regrettablewritings · 4 years

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How They Spend the Quarantine (Tadashi Hamada, Lucifer Morningstar, Dewey Finn, Wade Wilson, Harley Quinn, & Benoit Blanc)

Just a fun (?? is that even responsible to say?) little thing I’ve been thinking about while slogging through this neverending hellscape of an extended lockdown.

Tadashi Hamada

When San Fransokyo was ordered to go into a lockdown, there were mixed feelings.

At first, Tadashi had a hint of optimism that this would mean more time to work on his prospective projects . . . But then he quickly realized that his projects mostly required tools and space offered by the campus. He could technically make do at home, but it wouldn’t quite be the same considering the garage was considered Hiro’s space.

Somberly had to clean out his lab and take whatever he could home.

Cue the rest of the group (sans Fred and Hiro) griping that at least his style of science could travel well enough to be somewhat continued off of university grounds.

Helps do delivery for The Lucky Cat. It helps him get out the house, and it’s simply helpful altogether.

Uses Baymax frequently to make sure everyone down to Mochi is sanitized, and nobody’s running a fever.

Nearly as frequent a sanitizer as Aunt Cass.

He starts most days prepared to be productive, only to stop and poke fun at Hiro, who’s almost always got his eyes trained on a video game.

Tadashi realizes three hours later that he, too, has been playing the game as Player 2.

Learned how to make facial masks with Aunt Cass. He already knew how to sew a little but frankly, making the masks made him realize he could have a new hobby on his hands. He’s currently trying to figure out how to make Mochi a little vest . . .

Lucifer Morningstar

B o r e d. A s. F u c k.

At first, he thinks everyone being forced to go home would work in his favor -- surely some rule-breakers would sneak out and try to bunk up with the Devil, right?

Well . . . Kinda? Once Chloe found out and scolded him about it, the idea died real fast. Plus, he realized he wasn’t quite fond of the possibility of being around someone who could pop up with a disgusting human sickness at any point during their time with him. Smearing their snot all over, coughing into his Egyptian cotton sheets . . . Nope, never mind, he is perfectly content having the penthouse to himself, thank you very much!

Except he’s not.

The poor bastard is going crazy by himself -- he’s just not used to being without some kind of company!

“At least in Hell, you could tell there were people around you based on the screaming!” he’d whine at his phone during his hourly video chat with Chloe.

Oh yes: The video chats. He tries to make them hourly with anyone he can get a hold of (namely, his long-suffering detective) but this clearly never plays out as he would like for it to: If he had it his way, everyone would respond in an instant and let him bounce mainly one-sided conversations off of them -- basically, what he did before all this went down.

What usually winds up happening is he gets hung up on or nobody answers him at all out of sheer annoyance over his clinginess.

Ironically, he’s not exactly crazy about when Amenadiel initiates those “family calls”. He insists it’s healthy and normal for them to do this and even calls Luci out on the hypocrisy, but let’s face it: Lucifer finds it obnoxiously gushy and weird.

He works his way into Linda’s video appointment books to help him cope with his boredom and admitted need for interactions. She doesn’t mind offering him counsel, but once Lucifer starts attempting to butt in during others’ appointment calls, it becomes an issue.

Has, at some point, gotten buzzed down in Lux and streamed himself attempting to pole dance. It drew quite a bit of attention.

He’s managed to gain a bit of a following and some companionship by streaming himself playing piano and singing. It’s not the same thing as having an actual audience, in his opinion, but it will have to do for now.

He’s never been one to binge with regards to TV shows or movies, but after the first week, he decided to binge watch every work action star Wesley Cabot was ever in.

Makes sure his staff still gets paid well. After all, he’s pretty well-off; there’s no need to make an innocent bartender’s life a living hell just because some other rich bastard fucked up, yeah?

Going off this, should he need to order to-go or anything, we already know he tends to tip as handsomely as he looks.

Dewey Finn

Kids were being sent to Horace Green on tuitions worth more than what some people saw in half a year -- of course the school was going to continue classes online!

While technically an afterschool instructor, the program is popular enough for parents to expect it to continue, and for Dewey to be kept on payroll.

Initially, he was pretty smug: He’s one if, if not, the youngest teacher-figure at Horace Green, so surely that means he’s more tech savvy than his older, stiffer coworkers, right? For once, he’s ahead of the curve!

Wrong: Figuring out Zoom was a headache, and then there was the realization of just how dependent his classes were on actual physical presence.

Plus, let’s be real: Dewey’s Internet connection was decent on its own, but craptastic when compared to those of his wealthier students. The lag is strong with this one.

Has definitely accidentally messed up the background on his screen. Somehow wound up with the Beetlejuice background and got so frustrated, he wound up keeping it there for two whole sessions.

In spite of the slight issues regarding lag, they pull through and try to resume lessons as best they can.

Tries to keep optimism by pointing out how this is a new form of entertainment they could be pioneers in.

Some days, it’s just going so wack or everyone’s so bleh that Dewey just assigns for them to watch a music documentary or something.

“Okay, kids, Mr. Finn’s hungover and clearly Summer is the only one who went to bed before 3am. So what I’m gonna have you do is watch . . . Prrrbbbb . . . Amadeus.” “How is Amadeus rock-related?” “It had a rock single, shut up. Anyway, we meet back next class and talk about what we saw, m’kay? M’kay. Over and out.”

Next class, he’s filled with dread as Summer produces an in-depth analysis of the relationship or lack thereof between character and the presence of talent as evidenced by Mozart’s abilities juxtaposed with his immature presentation and -- Dewey just can’t keep up. Sure, Summer, why not?

When he’s not busy teaching, however, he’s using the lockdown to work on some new material. Or just screwing around.

Otherwise, let’s be real, Big Boy’s living the high life in a place of his own: Playing video games (Animal Crossing, recently got back into Team Fortress 2, is trying to finally finish Ocarina of Time); eating a not very great diet; staying up late, napping at weird times; all in the name of quarantine.

If he orders delivery or to-go, he tips the best he can.

Wade Wilson

On one hand, murking never goes on lockdown. But on the other . . . He’s already technically not well, why risk that even with his mutation?

Oh, fuck I just remembered he lives at the X Mansion, never mind turn back turn back oh god give us free --

The situation is tense to say the least. There’s Wade, who’s sensible enough to know why the quarantine is in place . . . and then there’s everyone else, who knows Wade’s full of shit.

And by everyone, I “coincidentally” mean Colossus, Nega Sonic, Yukio, Domino, Cable, and Russ because the already small world of the sequel just got smaller by the fact that everyone is bound to a large but nonetheless single estate whose size has probably decreased from that of the First Class timeline.

You know those videos of the usual Quarantine Characters? Wade is somehow yet still unsurprisingly all of them, save for the frequent sanitizer. He raids the pantry frequently, sleeps at all hours, considers scooting a swivel chair down the halls exercise for the thighs, blasts video games, and so on.

Going back to the sanitizer thing, it’s not that he’s just not exactly known for being tidy. Colossus occasionally does drag him out of bed at a decidedly decent time (read: any time before 11am) to try and get him excited about cleaning up around the mansion, but it rarely ends well. At this point, the safest option is to just remind Wade to wash his hands for 20 seconds as necessary.

Has acquired a Switch and visits everyone’s island, often to bonk them on the head with a net or gift them with weird crap they don’t necessarily want. For the “friends” from Sister Margaret’s, he has somehow acquired their Dodo Codes. Nobody knows how he did this.

Facetimes Dopinder frequently.

“Precious, you’re the beacon of light in this cold, cruel world.” “I miss you, too, DP --” “Sshshsh! I’m having a moment . . .” *weeps*

On the many occasions he orders delivery, he tips by giving the delivery person something expensive from the mansion that they can sell. Prof. X is loaded, after all. Plus, he more or less isn’t even present in this universe, it’s not like he’s gonna miss anything he can’t see/probably doesn’t even know exists in his house. The problem is, Colossus does exist and does notice and does care when things go missing. Leading to many a delivery person getting caught up in shenanigans at that weird school in the boonies that they either don’t get paid enough to deal with or couldn’t pay to make up.

“Oh, pawn shops are closed?” asks the man who looks like a skinned avocado if avocados had human skin. “Don’t worry, lemme hook you up -- I know some guys --” “DEADPOOOOOLLL!!” roars a Russian accent from inside the house. “WHERE IS THE BRONZE BUST OF THE PROFESSOR!?” The poor delivery person’s eyes widen as they realize that the odd cargo they’ve been presented with apparently holds some value of some kind. But before they can flee, the avocado man blurts, “Shit! Leave the pizza in the bushes, look me up on my Youtube page, byyyeeee!!”

In his defense, Wade does hold up his end of the deal. Much like the Dodo Codes, nobody knows what strings he pulled. They just accept it and move on.

Harley Quinn

Surprisingly compliant.

She’s crazy, not stupid: Staying at home may suck, but what sucks more is making things harder on people who may not fair so well. Besides, she’s spent time in a maximum security prison -- she can handle staying cooped up in her own home. At least home has TV, books, and snacks.

When she hears people are still going out without masks or plotting to have a protest, she strongly considers firing up the old Fun Gun and popping the next sign-carrying Karen she sees with a tit full of cadmium yellow powder.

Seriously, stay the fuck home and fuck up your own hair; this is the perfect time to make mistakes with your looks, it ain’t like you got anywhere to be or anyone to impress.

“STAY THE FUCK HOME, BITCH!” P O W!!! “JUST GO GREY ALREADY, WE ALL KNOW YOUR HAIR AIN’T THAT COLOR ANYMORE, YOU’RE THREE YEARS FROM BEING IN THE GODDAMN AGE-BRACKET!!!” P O W!!!!

Only leaves her new apartment to grab groceries and to take Bruce on a walk. She actually refuses to steal or cause a scene during this shitshow because she may be a bad guy, but she sure ain’t evil.

So far, there haven’t been complaints about the fact that she’s walking a hyena down a public street. Maybe it’s because there’s hardly anyone out? Maybe it’s because Gothamites just can’t be bothered to be fazed by it . . . Or maybe it’s because she made him a little mask for his snout.

“In this house, we wash our hands for at least 20 seconds, kid.”

Lets the forest reclaim the earth, so to speak. She was never really shaving anything for anyone but herself before, but now it just seems especially pointless.

Spends almost every day in a kigurumi. To give her a semblance of routine, she has a pink bear one she calls her “Sunday Suit.” She doesn’t know it’s not Sunday because the days just blur but Cass just doesn’t have the heart to tell her; she seemed so proud of herself . . .

Like everyone else, she’s gotten Animal Crossing. She’s trying to create an all-preppy island with a few exceptions (Astrid = Aesthetic, m’kay?)

Tips nicely when ordering delivery.

Benoit Blanc

As young and spry in nature as the gentleman sleuth would like to think of himself, he would really rather not test the dangers of the situation and go about all foolhardy -- he’s staying home!

In theory, it’s only logical and therefore perfectly fine. But in practice . . . God, he wishes he’d invested more in things to occupy himself with when home.

It wasn’t that Benoit was never home, he just never felt too much of a need to invest in a fancy entertainment center -- the fanciest he ever got was an iHome.

The beginning of the quarantine served as the perfect time for him to read over case files, catch up on paperwork, even catch up on some reading he’d been putting on hold since God knows when due to cases popping up left and right. But that dried up quicker than he’d assumed, and that’s when he was faced with what a man of his mind dreads the most: Boredom.

Finally caved and decided to hook up Amazon Fire.

Expected to use the one-month free trial on Netflix and be just fine but once the lockdown in his area got extended and he realized he wasn’t going to be able to catch up with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend at this rate, he caves even further and buys a subscription.

Fully delights at the influx of platforms uploading Broadway recordings; when The Show Must Go On put on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat, followed by The Phantom of The Opera, it was a treat, I tell you!

Sanitizes often, despite hardly ever leaving his house besides to have a smoke or to go grab groceries. Honestly, it’s less about cleaning at this point so much as it is finding something to occupy his focus when he feels there’s nothing else to so.

Takes zinc after every meal to help lessen the intensity of any ailment that might hit him.

Definitely owns a facemask. There’s a good chance it’s from Marta or one of his relatives, and there’s another good chance the pattern is as flamboyant as his clothing. He’s delighted.

Benoit tries not to rely too much on delivery, as he’d much rather just cook. On the rare occasion where tipping comes up, however, he gives as generously as he can.

Bonus: There’s a slight chance he might have acquired a companion to foster early on in the quarantine. Benoit hadn’t had a pet since childhood, a crime of which he was admittedly melancholic of his own involvement. However, his surprisingly busy lifestyle just wouldn’t suit a four-legged friend, now could it?

Well, now there’s time to. Besides, it would certainly ease the potential feeling of loneliness to have someone or something with whom he could interact with.

Admittedly, when shelters began encouraging people to invest time in taking home a companion, he’d been looking more for a comrade on the canine side of the spectrum -- but darn, if Duke wasn’t a handsome cat.

A lovely grey-and-white cat with eyes that matched his own, Duke has become the one Benoit monologues to (because in all honesty, the man is a performer at heart, in need of an audience to speak his mind to and portray a thought before). Plus, he doesn’t appear to mind it when Benoit finds himself belting out in tone-deaf notes to showtunes while washing the dishes: The mark of a true companion.

At this rate, he’s probably not going to keep fostering Duke when things calm down -- he’s probably going to just straight up adopt him.

Stay safe & healthy!

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