#creepy josh from olive garden

[city-of-lame]

Creepy Josh from Olive Garden

Strap in for this Saga

So my drunk ass fucking DESTROYED a man yesterday. This guy (not-so-affectionately nick-named creepy josh from Olive Garden) has been harrassing women in the Nashville area for three years.

I can be polite to a fault at times, so mostly I just ignored his texts/snapchats etc. but would give a quick, generic “hi how are you?” reply on occasion. But yesterday he decided to “confess” his feelings and ask me out. Now that in itself isn’t so bad.

But hear me out, my dudes.

This guy has asked me out at LEAST 7 times in the last two years. Each time I have politely and clearly said “no thank you”. I’ve made it CLEAR I am not interested many times. But he always persists.

The first time, he was a new hire at Olive Garden where I was a server (19 at the time) and being me, I wanted to make him feel welcome. I know what it’s like to be the new kid and it’s always nice to make a friend on your first day. So I chatted him up about school and life and said to ask me if he needed help/had any questions. Turns out we were in the same program at MTSU (we would later have a class together and it was a whole thing and he harassed my friend about going out and I warned her with my experience and when she said no he badgered her to a frightening extent on who told her bad things about him)

All in all seemed like a normal dude that I would get along with at first. But he asked me out that night and I was in a committed, long distance relationship at the time. So when I declined he said “then why were you nice to me?” And in the weeks that followed asked questions like “why do you love him if he lives in another state?”

So the red flags basically slapped me in the face left and right and I avoided him as much as I could from then on.

Fast forward to the last few months. I’m fairly newly single and he found this out and has been mesaging me consistently on Snapchat and text since. He’s asked me out a few times (I answered no every time) and when he saw me at Walmart with my mom as he was leaving and we were going to the check out, we exchanged waves and “how are you”’s but then HE STOPPED AT THE DOOR AND WAITED FOR US staring us down as we check out our groceries. I made it take an absurdly long time and finally he left but shot me a quick “you looked great! Let’s get drinks sometime!” Text within3 minutes of finally leaving us alone.

So last night when he asked me out yet again (screenshots below) I was headed out with friends (not yet drunk when I was driving just for the record) to celebrate one of the girls leaving her shitty job. Naturally, I hadn’t replied or even read the message yet. Twenty minutes go by and he says “a reply would be nice considering I just put everything out there after two years.”

Y’all.

He had no idea what he started.

So I’m tipsy by the time I finally read this and I SNAPPED. I really was not having this today. Drunk Sarah was not here for any part of how he was (and would) speak to me over the next few hours.

So I threw polite out the god dang window and laid into this man. And when I say I snapped I mean I came for his ENTIRE life. I left him with 5 new assholes and his jugular ripped open.

The conversation was exhausting and I wish I hadn’t wasted as much time as I had on it but I was seething. I know at least 5-10 women he has harassed/ made uncomfortable/ treated like trash and when I brought them up he got mad saying he was tired of us going behind his back and never telling him what was wrong WHILE IM TELLING HIM WHAT WAS WRONG. Clearly us sharing our experiences and warning each other bothered him/ inconvenienced him. When I told him I’d heard from several girls he kept trying to guess and named three women I’d never even heard of so there’s way more than I know and it’s clear he’s been confronted before AND knows he’s fucked up but doesn’t see it as his fault.

So basically I was and still am disgusted to my core but mostly glad to be rid of him. Below are some screen grabs of his droning and whining and attempted manipulation. Just some highlights since I’ve already made you read so much. Also the last two screenshots are from a girl in a Facebook group warning women about him where he tells her to fuck herself because she didn’t reply to him while at work. Several other girls also posted on her post afterwards sharing their shitty experiences with him!

So that’s your piping tea for the day. Sorry for such a long post just really needed to vent all of that. Also please excuse my typos. Drunk Sarah was drunk AND angry so she did her best.

[ablogthatishenceforthmine]

My Favorite Lyrics in Each Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Song: Season 1

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme Song: “She’s so broken inside!”

West Covina: “Look everybody, stop giving me the shake down/ I am not having a nervous--”

The Sexy Getting Ready Song: “You know what?/ I’ve got to go apologize to some bitches/ I’m forever changed after what I just seen.”

West Covina Reprise I: “All our cares will disappear.”

I’m So Good at Yoga: “Anal doesn’t hurt at all/Most times I prefer it/That’s what this tattoo says.”

Feeling Kinda Naughty: “Cook your spit into a chowder/ Dry your sweat into a powder/ And do lines of you all through the night.”

Face Your Fears: “If you’re in a burning building and smoke is everywhere/Keep calm/Take a deep breath/And stay right there.”

I Have Friends: “We have friends/We definitely have friends/No one can say we do not have friends.”

A Boy Band Made of Four Joshes: “Hey, girl/ I know that as a kid you never got to see that boy band concert on paperview/But it’s okay/ Cause i’m here now and i’m all the boy band you’ll ever need.”

Sex with a Stranger: “Is that a gun!?/ Oh thank god, it’s just your penis.”

Settle for Me: “If he’s your broken condom, i’m plan B.”

Settle for Him: “Why not just settle for him?”

I Love My Daughter (But Not in a Creepy Way): “One day she’ll fall in love and i’ll give her away/ Not like I ever had her/ What a weird thing to say.”

I’m a Good Person: “I’m a good person/ That’s my thing/ My nickname is Mother Theresa Luther King.”

I Give Good Parent: “Praise the hardwood/ Compliment the china/ Give them hardwood and a drenched vagina.”

What’ll It Be: “Thanks for this town three short hours from the beach/ Where all of your dreams can stay just out reach.”

Sexy French Depression: “My eyes are dark from sadness/ My lips are red from pain/ My bosom heaves with sobs/ I’m in a sexy French depression.”

His Status is Preferred: “I can peek but I have to be discreet/ Because he’s fillet Mignon/ Not just some piece of meat.”

Where’s the Bathroom: “You won’t get a husband this way/ At least you have your career/ Oh wait, you threw out our career to chase this California dream.”

California Christmastime: “We’re all finding ourselves!”

Women Gotta Stick Together: “Women gotta stick together/ And tell each other the truth/ The truth is you’re all fat sluts/ And that’s called sisterhood.”

West Covina Reprise II: “It’s not just a coincidence/ It isn’t just by chance/ It’s logical/ It’s obvious/ It all makes perfect sense/ And i’m just so happy that you’re here.”

Dear Joshua Felix Chan: “It’s music when I hold your hand.”

Having a Few People Over: “At this point, you’re probably aware i’m having a few people over.”

Put Yourself First: “If I put myself first for him, then, by definition, aren’t I putting myself second?/ Dont’ think about it too too hard/ Don’t think about it too too hard.”

Textmergency: “She wont’ need to come up with a textuse/ Textplanation.”

“Where is the Rock?: “He’s not the brightest, but he’s not dumb as a rock.”

You Stupid Bitch: “Now he knows I’m not some innocent lamb/ He sees me for what I am/ which is a horrible/ Stupid/ Dumb and ugly/ fat and stupid/ Simple self-hating/ Bitch.”

Group Hang: “I had a friend named Jeff once/ He took bad mushrooms and jumped off the roof of our dorm.”

Cold Showers: “He’s fatcatting it at fancy restaurants like the Olive Garden/ And Red Lobster.”

JAP Battle: “Well it’s settled then/ We’re both cool with Black people.”

Flooded with Justice: “No more water for B.J. Novak’s ecstasy factory!”

Settle for Me Reprise I (Don’t Settle for me): “I’m way to bad ass/ to be someone you settle for!”

Flooded with Justice Reprise: “Slow clap/ Slow clap.”

Gettin’ Bi: “It’s not a phase/ I’m not confused/ Not indecisive/ I don’t have the gotta choose blues.”

I’m the Villain in my Own Story: “I’m the villain in my own story/ My actions have gone way too far

Dream Ghost: “And this douche is agonizing over whether to buy or lease a new porsche.”

I Could If I Wanted To: “I’d rather die/ Which I will eventually/ Of course.”

Clean Up on Aisle Four: “Cause I’m the pimento to your olive/ I wanna be inside of you.”

Heavy Boobs: “Don’t ever forgot/ that these/ Heavy boobs/ Heavy boobs/ Are just sacks of yellow fat.”

“I Gave You a UTI: “What has two thumbs and gave you a UTI?/ This/ Guy.”

Angry Mad: “My heart is hurting/ And it feels/ Bad.”

Oh My God I Think I Like You: “But as my body’s ruined/ Like really trashed/ I only wanna look in your eyes.”

After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For): “You think love is stainless and pure/But beneath all the fantasy/ There’s filth / And there’s gore.”

One Indescribable Instant: “In one indescribable instant/ It all falls into place.”

[koltarmi]

Things I liked/noticed about Amélie the Musical UK

Before the show:

• A friend and I watched Amélie at The Watermill Theatre in Newbury, which is absolutely tiny. (Picture below) It seats about 200 people and is in the middle of no where. It was a hour’s walk from Newbury Station, but he scenery was quite nice. We got two seats in the front and they were cheap (about £26) because there was a pole, but it was so skinny it didnt block anything.

• Because it was in the middle of nowhere, the surrounding area was beautiful and nothing like a traditional theatre. There was a nearby stream and everyone was sitting on on these iron park benches and just enjoying the view.

• The theatre and stage is tiny. So tiny it makes the theatre that I work at which only seats 50 people look like Carnegie Hall.

• The cast : Audrey Brisson as Amélie, Chris Jared as Nino, Johnson Willis as Collignon/Dufayel, Kate Robson Stuart as Suzanne, Sioned Saunders as Gina, Faoileann Cunningham as Georgette/Sylvia, Oliver Grant as Lucien/Mysterious Man, Caolan McCarthy as Hippolito/Elton John, Samuel Morgan-Grahame as Joseph/Fluffy, Josh Sneesby as Blind Beggar/Gnome, Jez Unwim as Raphael/Bretodeau

• Here’s the set:

ACT ONE

• The show starts with the subway light effect and a transit announcement in French.

• I really hope the UK cast records an album and that it includes the “Everybody’s Connected” song because I love it.

• All the actors spoke with a French accent and used French words when saying hello, goodbye, thank you and etc.

• So instead of having a child actor play young Amélie they used a puppet controlled by the guy who plays Lucien while Audrey provides the voice. And holy shit the puppet was terrifying. It had Dora the explorer choppy hair and had this wooden sheen. It also had the ability to blink which added to the creepiness factor.

• Because of the limited space the actors played their own instruments, ocasionally switching off with someone else when they were in the scene.

• The photo booth doubles as a door frame, the background of the sex shop, and a confessional booth in Notre Dame. The large sign that says “Photo Booth” has a light inside that turns on and which makes the inside of the booth visible from the outside and it looked super cool.

• Instead of it being a tourist from Brussels being on top of Notre Dame, they go back to a tourist from Quebec like in the film. The actor stood on top of the photo booth Instead of jumping, the tourist shoots himself and falls on to a crash mat, killing Amadine.

• Amélie describes her mother’s death using the word “squish’

• As they transition scenes, they straight up drag Amadine’s body off stage and it is hilarious.

• The garden gnome is used as an urn for Amadine’s ashes. Like they literally pour her ashes from the urn into the gnome.

• “Times Are Hard For Dreamers” was moved from the first act to the second act and is after “No Place like Gnome”

• I really want “Going Around Circles” to be in the album and I hate that it isn’t cause it’s a bop.

• Hippolito and Joseph smoke while in The Two Windmills, giving it a more Paris vibe

• A bit off topic, but I went to the Two Windmills cafe in France. The food is so good. If you’re a fan of the movie, I definitely reccomend you visit! (Some photos included below.)

• The guy who flirts with Amélie in the cafe leaves his number on a receipt. As she cleans up his table, she stuffs the receipt into her mouth.

• After, Suzanne invites Amélie to go our for drinks with her, Gina, and Georgette, but Amélie refuses.

• The two pianos on stage convert into Georgette’s tobacco counter and the market where Collignon and Lucien work.

• The clock at the top doubles as Amélie’s apartment. The face of the clock slides open into two doors. There aren’t actually any stairs so to get up there, a pulley with a lampshade is dropped down and Audrey just grabs onto it and swings into the apartment. I kept getting nervous every time she went up because the pulley moved so fast, even though it says in her bio that she grew up doing several Cirque du Soleil shows.

• Speaking of Audrey Brisson, SHE IS SO TINY AND I LOVE HER. Like I’m a pretty short person and she was shorter than me.

• Dufayel has the camera to see the outside world like he did in the film.

• One thing they added was at the beginning if each scene they stated the date, time and occasionally the weather, humidity and etc which is a callback to the film. The whole story of Amélie (by which I mean the events that happen within the show) takes course over three months.

• Chris Jared, who played Nino was HOT, in my opinion at least. The headshots were in black and white in the program, so I didn’t know he was older until I saw a few grey hairs, but he was still super hot in a DILF kinda way.

• They make it clear that Collignon hates figs which is why he gets annoyed when Lucien sings “Three Figs”. He’s so disgusted by figs that he vomits in his hat before putting it back on.

• When Amélie starts her quest to do good deeds, she calls Suzanne and asks for a day off. Suzanne agrees and asks slyly, “What’s his name?” Amélie replies with, “Dominique Bredoteau.”

• They included the scene where Amélie goes door to door looking for Bredoteau, another callback to the film.

• Due to the inaccessibility of the second floor besides the lampshade pulley, if a character needed to stand out, they would climb and stand on top of the photo booth. Amélie stood on it in “Tour de France” and Nino stands on it during “When the Booth Goes Bright”

• When Amélie calls Bretodeau, the phone is held by an ensemble member who makes the ringing noise. When he picks it up, the light in the photo booth turns on, revealing Amélie wearing a scarf around her head and a pair of sunglasses as she speaks to him.

• Before “Goodbye Amélie”, as the report of Princess Diana turns into one of her fantasies, Amélie reaches into the TV and puts on a sparkling tiara as Elton John enters.

• She stands on top of the two pianos placed back to back as they serenade her. At the very end of the sing, she lies down across them with her arms crossed and her tiara on her chest as she winks at the audience.

• There’s actually an intermission.

ACT TWO

• It starts with everyone on the subway. Amélie and Nino are on the opposite end of the train car and they sing a lovely duet. I don’t remember the exact lyrics, but there was metaphor of being lost at sea hinting at “Halfway”. I love the song and I need it in a cast album.

• At the end of the song Nino, stands in front of the audience as if exiting a subway car and Amélie sees him, but she immediately sinks into her seat so that he doesn’t see her.

• Nino leaves his photo album on top of the photo booth when he goes to catch his last train. Audrey Brisson is so small that even on her tip toes she couldn’t reach the top of the booth, so she climbed the door frame of the booth to reach the album.

• During intermission, the grocery stall is replaced with a display case full of different sizes and colors of dildos fo the sex shop scene.

• In the scene where Nino laments the loss of his photo album, (“years of his best work” as he calls it) his coworker is polishing a large black dildo with a cloth.

• Audrey plays the piano as she sings “Halfway” and its absolutely beautiful, so much so that I had tears in my eyes and I got a tattoo inspired by the song in Amsterdam.

• What isn’t beautiful is the return of the Young Amélie puppet during “Halfway” who is visible through grown-up Amélie’s clock apartment.

• She calls Nino from her seat on the piano bench while he’s standing behind the piano, which I thought was brilliant staging. It shows how strong their connection was, but despite that, there was still an obstacle preventing them from meeting each other which was Amélie’s reluctance to reach out to him.

• She leaves him with the riddle of solving Xeno’s paradox along with a photo strip of her dressed in a Zorro costume, which is another callback to the film.

• They also narrate Amélie forging a letter from Gina’s late husband. She does so by taking some of the letters he wrote her before Amélie returning the box of letters to Gina.

• Collignon comes into the cafe, complaining about Lucien. Seeing a chance to get back at him, Amélie serves him a fig tart. As Collignon becomes sick, three people wearing nightmare fig costumes bust out of the photo booth and haunt him. The lights around him and the cafe go dark and turn nightmarish meanwhile Amélie is brightly lit in the downstage left corner by the cigarette counter, as she leisurely unwraps a mint and pops it into her mouth. Collignon is shaken out of his fig nightmare when Lucien enters the café to grab his attention. Collignon admits as a young man he wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer, but his mother wanted him to be a grocer and so he became one despite having no love for it. The reason he is so mean to Lucien is because he sees how much care and love Lucien takes when handling the produce that it makes him bitter. He apologizes to Lucien. Lucien replies he has no idea what he’s talking about and offers to close up the shop for Collignon, who agrees and says that Lucien is a good boy. I love this addition as it doesn’t sweep Lucien and Collignon’s plotline under the rug like the Broadway production does. It’s addressed and resolved before the end of the show.

• After the fig-induced nightmare sequence, Raphael rushes in to the cafe in distress. Instead of going into “No Place Like Gnome” they pause the scene in the cafe.

• They narrate that 275 km away Nino posts flyers of Amelié in the Zorro costume around the city and they move into “Thin Air” instead. Nino comes in from the side of the clock and stands on top of the photo booth. Again because of the limited space, the posters are just stuck around the metal framing of the clock.

• They return back to the café after “Thin Air”. After “No Place Like Gnome” as Amélie spray paints Hippolito’s quote below the clock, she notices the posters and panics ripping one off, but leaves the rest hanging. A took a picture of the set at the end of the show.

• Amelié sends another photo strip to Nino writing, “It has come to my attention that you are looking for me. This Friday. 5pm. Montmartre Carousel. Bring five francs.”

• Amelié wears the Zorro costume in “Blue Arrow Suite”. The ensemble acted as the carousel and had blue arrows on the back of their instruments or on them. For those playing smaller instruments, they wore blue gloves and pointed towards the next “arrow”. The top of the hill was the photo booth and Nino pulls a red stand of binoculars out of fucking nowhere.

• Joseph says Georgette looks lovely when she’s flushed. She replies she’s flushed because of her gluten intolerance.

• When Nino and Amelié are set to meet at the cafe, the airline hostess is one of the customers there and joins in signing “A Better Haircut”

• They cut out the line where Nino says he loves Amelié and doesnt even know her name in “A Better Haircut” and I’m honestly so glad they did that. It works so much better Instead it just goes, “But you know I think she understands me/ I don’t know why she would understand/She may not even feel the same/But I don’t even know her name” with the “She may not even feel the same” part being dragged out a bit more.

• Georgette gets Hippolito to write down Amelié’s address on a page in his notebook that he tips out and gives to him.

• As Amelié sits in her clock apartment, the photo booth is turned so the side that is the door faces the audience. Nino waits below in front of it as they sing “Stay”. As they sing, Amélie moves from her apartment to the top of the photo booth. Again I love the staging, the use of different levels shows both the emotional and physical distance separating them.

• At the end of “Stay”, Nino realizes she won’t be opening the door. He looks like he gets an idea and walks away as the booth is turned to show the photo booth side. Amelié collapses in on herself and cries. From his window, Dufayel tells Amelié there is nothing to fear and shows her his new painting: it’s Amelié drinking a glass of water, making her the girl with the glass.

• Instead of opening the door, Nino climbs through a “window” aka on top of the photo booth (at least that was my interpretation of it, it wasn’t very clear how he got in)

• They sing the “Halfway (Reprise)” and do the the famous kiss on the cheek, neck and eye. Honestly, the tension between them was insane and had whole audience dying with anticipation as we collectively held our breaths. Audrey Brisson and Chris Jared have such crazy good chemistry. When they finally kissed it was like a sigh of relief washed over the audience.

• As the ensemble kneel before Amelié and Nino, Raphael stands, stating that he finally goes on a trip with Suzanne by his side, who then stands up beside him and smiles at him.

• In “Where Do We Go From Here?” one of Nino’s line is changed instead of singing, “Will there be sweet things?” It goes “Will you be with me?” and Amélie’s reply sticks to the original lyric as she answers with, “I hope so.”

• After bows, the cast sing a finale song that combines “When the Booth Goes Bright” and “Times Are Hard for Dreamers”. I cannot stress enough how badly I want a cast album of this show.

In Summary

• The show has improved so much and fixes a lot of the issues the Broadway version had.

• Overall, the UK production stays more faithful to the movie, including lots of callbacks and scenes from the film itself as well as the overall atmosphere of the Paris.

• I. Need. A. Cast. Album. Of. The. UK. Production.