#crowley is drunk

[secretdiaryofcrowley]

Things to Do Tonight

Drink

Get drunk.

Get very very drunk

Don't want to sit in a pub. Pub's full of people and if I miracle-shoo them all out, I will just draw attention to myself. Don't need that now. I draw enough attention as it is. I'm taking out the bottle, walk over the bridge and look at the Thames.

Pretty little stars in the water. Not the real thing, but still pretty. Glittering like anything.

Why does everyone always seem to know where my car is? I keep driving the Bentley around, don't want to stay in one place for too long. Other demons can spot me, of course. But these little notes and letters from Maggie and Nina and Muriel keep finding me, too.

Bla bla bla coffee. Bla bla bla talk. Bla bla bla we're here for you bla bla bla you don't have to go through this alone.

Go away. Just go away.

I've been on my own for 6000 years, I don't plan on changing that now. And least of all with humans who shouldn't be dragged into this. Friendship with humans never ends well, someone always gets turned into pillars of salt.

Or killed. One minute Kain's a baby pulling my hair and puking all over my robes, next thing, you know, he's an angry teenager smacking his brother with a stone. Broke Eve's heart. Should've stayed away.

And Muriel keeps writing about all the books they've been reading and keeps asking stuff about customers and taxes and stockkeeping and why would I know any of this? Nina and Maggie run shops, too, they're far better with these things.

Do you actually want to get in trouble with heaven, little bee? Can you even imagine what they could do to you for hanging out with a demon?

'M not stupid, you know, I know it's you trying to reach me from the bookshop's number. I can only hope Shax was too stupid to read any of your little notes, when she put my mail under the wipers. I don't think she has back channels to rat you out to heaven, but you never know.

Did the real stars look as glittery as their reflection in the water?

Whatever. You don't miss what you can't remember, right? If I wanted to see stars, I could just go watch a Disney movie.

Now where did I park the Bentley? Why does everyone always seem to know where my car is, except for me, myself and I?

"Hello Crowley."

No no no no no no, not you. Not you, too.

Why can't you just all go away and let me wallow in my misery?

~ * ~

More Diary Parts:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21

[drdomo-gem]

They're both handling the divorce well

[thursdayes]

cannot get enough of these guys (man-shaped ethereal beings)🪦

[goodomens-girlie]

I just know Aziraphale was gabbing with those gays about Crowley and they all thought Aziraphale and Crowley were together, little did they fucking know

[niceandinaccuratequotes]

Beelzebub, drunk: I don’t give a damn about sin

Crowley, also drunk: yeah, me either, fuck trigonometry

[joycrispy]

I'm seeing some confusion out and about over the title A Companion to Owls (generally along the lines of 'what have owls got to do with it???'), so I'd like to offer my interpretation (with a general disclaimer that the Bible and particularly the Old Testament are damn complicated and I'm not able to address every nuance in a fandom tumblr post, okay? Okay):

It's a phrase taken from the Book of Job. Here's the quote in full (King James version):

When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness. My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me. I went mourning without the sun: I stood up, and I cried in the congregation. I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. --(Job 30:29)

Job is describing the depths of his grief, but also, with that last line, his position in the web of providence.

Throughout the Old Testament, owls are a recurring symbol of spiritual devastation. Deuteronomy 4:17 - Isaiah 34:11 - Psalm 102: 3 - Jeremiah 50: 39...just to name a few (there's more). The general shape of the metaphor is this: owls are solitary, night-stalking creatures, that let out either mournful cries or terrible shrieks, that inhabit the desolate places of the world...and (this is important) they are unclean.

They represent a despair that is to be shunned, not pitied, because their condition is self-inflicted. You defied God (so the owl signifies), and your punishment is...separation. From God, from others, from the world itself. To call and call and never, ever receive an answer.

Your punishment is terrible, tormenting loneliness.

(and that exact phrase, "tormenting loneliness," doesn't come from me...I'm pulling it from actual debate/academia on this exact topic. The owls, and what they are an omen for. Oof.)

To call yourself a 'companion to owls,' then, is to count yourself alongside perhaps the most tragic of the damned --not the ones who defy God out of wickedness or ignorance, and in exile take up diabolical ends readily enough...but the ones who know enough to mourn what they have lost.

So, that's how the title relates to Job: directly. Of course, all that is just context. The titular "companion to owls," in this case, isn't Job at all.

Because this story is about Aziraphale.

The thing is that Job never actually defied God at all, but Aziraphale does, and he does so fully believing that he will fall.

He does so fully believing that he's giving in to a temptation.

He's wrong about that, but still...he's realized something terrifying. Which is that doing God's will and doing what's right are sometimes mutually exclusive. Even more terrifying: it turns out that, given the choice between the two...he chooses what's right.

And he's seemingly the only angel who does. He's seemingly the only angel who can even see what's wrong.

Fallen or not, that's the kind of knowledge that...separates you.

(Whoooo-eeeeee, tormenting loneliness!!!)

Aziraphale is the companion.

...I don't think I need to wax poetic about Aziraphale's loneliness and grappling with devotion --I think we all, like, get it, and other people have likely said it better anyway. So, one last thing before I stop rambling:

Check out Crowley's glasses.

(screenshots from @seedsofwinter)

Crowley is the owl.

Crowley is the goddamn owl.

[itsscottiesstark]

Here's some of my favorite Crowley on laudanum moments, just because:

1. Death is "just wrONGGG", Crowley said so. No more dying.

2. Because if you don't get high and improvise the unofficial anthem of Scotland (it's canon, Crowley improvised it), what are you even doing with your overly long life?

3. This lil dance is the best, I swear.

4. Reminder, he's looking at a graveyard, at night.

5. Find me someone cuter, I'll wait.

6. It was dark, he was wearing sunglasses, and he was high. Leave him alone.

7. I am petrified.

And bonus points because I will never get over this:

No, don't be shy, get closer.

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

He really said “I am aggressively gay what the fuck are you talking about”

[p4nishers]

(1941)

aziraphale ( w rizz): there must be something i can do for you

crowley, clueless: just forget it will you

(2023)

crowley, waking in cold sweat: he meant it SEXUALLY?????

[wearecrowley]

[golswia]

Earlier, in the said different pub... an angelic titty grab.

[walmart-cereal]

i cry whenever i remember the burning bookshop scene

imagine you knew someone for 6000 years, rescuing them many times and close calls, to end up thinking that they got killed by your side. My boy was crying and screaming and he was tired. He was absolutely destroyed that he couldnt save Aziraphale that one time

[hikarry]

Do you think when post was invented, Crowley mailed himself to Aziraphale just for shits and giggles?

Like, he found a box, he turned into a snake, he mailed himself and jumpscared Aziraphale when he opened the box

Please this must have happened at least once

[goodomens-girlie]

best duo that never was:

[romansmartini]

can we hold hands and listen to this together

[wraithee]

Aziraphale would get white girl wasted and ask Crowley to hold up one of his hands so they could compare sizes since Crowley’s look so much larger than his and then giggle about it.