#crunkiesdiary

[crunkmom]

back lol

january 4th, 2023

4:57 am

feeling: cozy

listening to: datajam.wav mix by djkisspink

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! LMAO ! I am 4 days late. I did wanna do an entry on new years but I was pooped. anyways, A LOT has happened since I made my new entry... good things !!! me and my twitter "oomfie" met up in san francisco 2 weeks ago !!! and they're no longer just my oomfie, we're in a relationship now !!!!! lol. we've been talking for a few months. we were moots on twitter and we instantly hit it off. they were so sweet to me and helped me when i was going thru that shitty time. I really started to get feelings for them after a while. we started sleeping on the phone all the time and got closer and closer. then yeah, we decided to plan the trip. I was SO FUCKING NERVOUS. but tbh I ended up being nervous for no reason cuz it went really well !!! the trip was def a step outside my comfort zone and it feels good to do things i'm afraid of. we both went to a club together for the first time ! it was also my first time taking a trip alone w someone. he spent the night with me and hung out my house the first night. after we headed to sf. the airbnb was really nice apart from racist white folks and the weird landlord lady who was mean to us lol. we ended up cooking together, hanging at the park, went shopping, went to japantown, went to the pier, chilled on the balcony and had coffee, went on walks and watched movies together and cuddled. I loved their company sm. It made me feel so much better. TBH this is the first time someone made me feel so safe and comfortable. it just makes all my bad thoughts go away and I feel so so happy. Things just get a lil hard from time to time because they live far but we are planning to visit each other every once a while but also trying to focus on getting our lives together, especially since they are planning to go back to school. I just need to focus on getting a new job and my license !!

(edit) ALSO LEMME ADD SOME PICS FROM THE TRIP !!!

ps. I love u boo !!!

[crunkmom]

high

11/26/22

8:14 am

feeling: hungryyy

listening to: cowgirl - sega bodega

dang.. it's been a few days since i made an entry but i've been SO tired these past few days. i've been waking up hella early tho so i guess that explains why i have been falling asleep at like 10pm lol. i feel like another reason why i been feelin so drained is because i've been overthinking a lot. idk why but i always think something bad is gonna happen.. so i just wake up feelin super anxious everyday and it's ANNOYING. i just need something to do to take my mind off of negative shit like that... like getting back into my old hobbies or sumthing. i really wanna get back into painting. photoshop is fun and all but i miss painting on canvas and stuff. it was super relaxing. i also want a new drawing tablet. i have one but it's the type without the monitor.. tbh it's kinda hard to use sometimes so i think one with a monitor would be dope for when i wanna do digital stuffs. i wanna get more serious in terms of art. i've always wanted to since i was a kid. but idk i guess i got discouraged. i also wanna start streaming more. it'll be cool to stream more w my friends and meet some new peeps. i used to get bad anxiety sometimes so i stopped streaming for a while... but i def feel more comfy now. i feel like both of those things would be a good outlet for me... cuz sitting around and overthinking isn't gonna help me heal from anything.

[crunkmom]

...

11/19/22

12:03 am

feeling: content

listening 2: wildfire - shygirl

well… today i decided to stop treating myself like shit and did a little self care day. ngl i haven’t been taking care of myself like i should. i basically just showered, did skin care and ate as soon as i got up. i haven’t been eating much or eating when i know that im hungry which is a bad thing … i’ve been doin that shit since i was a teenager .. guess it’s just a adhd thing or sum… LOL. speaking of adhd i feel like i need to see a doctor in terms of it … like im thinking of meds cuz my adhd has been burning me the FUCK out. i’m tired of dealing w it man.. i just been raw dogging it frfr. but anyways i’ve been feeling a lot better. i don’t feel sad and defeated like i’ve been for the past few weeks . just been trying to stay busy . i’m just chillin w my one of my homies rn .. talking about life and shit. i’m just sitting here thinking .. i really need to reach out more and hang out w my friends irl .. i don’t wanna spend my 20’s not doing shit at all because of my social anxiety, fear of being judged and i lowkey be having trust issues from time to time because of past friendships that went down the drain .. that’s another thing i need to heal from. i also quit my shitty amazon job. it was SO stressful and wasn’t enjoyable anymore .. not for me. i was basically gonna quit cuz we’re in the process of moving rn and other things too in terms of mental health. tbh i’m still deciding if i wanna move out of town or not. i just wanna say fuck it and do something like resort living somewhere a few hours away just for a month or two to relax and think about things. after that i’ll consider moving into a apartment like i was planning to. i think i’ll be in a better mindset and i’ll know what i’ll really want by then. i’m so excited tho. i can’t wait to be alone and chillin in my own crib. well off i go .. lol.. i prob might play something or watch some anime. one of my homies put me on erased.. it’s a really good show so far ! we watched the first 4 episodes 2gether. i might watch some more alone.. it’s a sad show but strangely comforting.