#cue: narcissist's prayer response...

[amarriageoftrueminds]

'that child could easily have fought that predator off if they didn't want to be trafficked!!'

😬 YIKES.

Anyway, re Elon:

Mark Fergus, who wrote Iron Man 1, said:

"That was our rock-star industrialist model for Tony Stark. [...] “Who would be the Howard Hughes of now? Who’s an industrialist who would also be on the gossip pages? Is there even anyone like that?,” Elon’s name was definitely in the conversation as the guy who grabbed the torch. Him, Trump, and maybe a little Steve Jobs. Trump was fun before he became president — he was actually kind of a goofy celebrity. Steve Jobs was always serious and angry; he never quite had that gift of the bullshit, the working the crowd that Musk has a real natural talent for. Musk took the brilliance of Jobs with the showmanship of Trump. He was the only one who had the fun factor and the celebrity vibe and actual business substance."

While filming IM1, it was RDJ himself who told Favs "We need to sit down with Elon Musk."

And RDJ specifically asked Favreau to include a prototype Tesla Roadster in Tony's garage, which happened because Favreau is friends with Musk.

[see far right below 👇]

And the reason RDJ knew about the Tesla is because, in March 2007, Elon Musk gave him a personal tour of the Space-X factory in El Segundo.

RDJ said:

“My mind is not easily blown, but this place and this guy were amazing." Both Musk and Stark were the type of men, according to RDJ, who “had seized an idea to live by and something to dedicate themselves to...” On a deeper level, the car was to be placed as the nearest object to Stark’s desk so that it formed something of a bond between the actor, the character, and Musk. “After meeting Elon and making him real to me, I felt like having his presence in the workshop,” RDJ said. “They became contemporaries. Elon was someone Tony probably hung out with and partied with or more likely they went on some weird jungle trek together to drink concoctions with the shamans.”

(RDJ has also since said. "You have to look at all that he’s done that demonstrates why he’s valuable.”)

They used the same Space-X factory to film Iron Man 2.

And, as mentioned, Favreau is a buddy of Musk's.

So that's:

Tony in the movies shaking Musk's hand (and Pepper!), complimenting him, offering to collaborate with him

(an exact foil to how Tony and Pepper treat Justin Hammer moments later in the same scene, don't pretend to be dense)

the guy who wrote Tony,

the guy who directed Tony (and knows Musk personally),

AND the guy who actually plays Tony!

All thinking that Tony is like Elon Musk! 🤷‍♀️

Ok but like imagine civil war from peters perspective, youre 14, post some vids of yourself doing some sick flips, a few months later Elon musk shows up and your house and coerces you into flying to another country to pick a physical fight with his coworkers

[drmariefeuer]

Character Matters

Character Matters

You do not have to be a pathological narcissist to act like one. Many people have narcissistic tendencies and can “act out” in ways that match true narcissistic pathologies.  You are not either a narcissist or not, you can have tendencies at times that need your attention.  Narcissistic tendencies can arise from the walking wounded who continue to avoid their inner work, their inner healing, unconsciously continue attention-seeking behaviors and controlling behaviors as a way to regulate, contain, and sublimate their unhealed emotions.

These are often covert, co-dependent type people who cannot speak up for their own needs and boundaries and instead consistently manipulate everyone around them because when they were helpless children that is what they had to do to survive. However, now they are adults, capable of having the courage to heal. And it will take courage. And it will take actions and behavior changes and all of that means taking risks, or what will feel like risks.

What do some of these manipulations look like? Under-functioning or presenting as the victim: (See Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Intimacy): so that people around them will do all the work, all the emotional labor of the relationship. People pleasing: In order to win complements but also so that one will not be held accountable or responsible for actions, behaviors or choices. “I was only doing what you wanted me (or “pushed” me) to do. Seduction: Flirting, using “subtle” sexuality (such as a focus on always looking good, dressing subtly sexy, sending subtle sexy vibes not really wanting sex, and so much more) on a regular basis, usually in all encounters and with both sexes as a way to ensure that one will receive “love”, attention and again as a way to avoid accountability and responsibilities. After all, s/he is so “cute” and “nice” surely s/he “just made a mistake” and “didn’t mean to do it” as they blow off another responsibility or work or commitment. Silence: By not talking one “gleans” information in order to constantly “figure out” what to say, how to say it, even when to laugh or cry on cue in order to “fit in” yet remain “invisible and therefore again, not be held accountable for any choices because their choices remain hidden in the silence and apparent acquiescence by using all their energy to “blend in” with the current company. Choosing to have relationships with wounded people: By unconsciously or consciously choosing to pursue relationships with people in trouble (divorce, depression, going through big changes, walking wounded, sexual abuse survivors, etc.) and presenting yourself as in a “better place” one is able to “look good”, like a rescuer or a hero and because one is now in a position of being “needed” by a needy person and again this is a built in exit door where one can slide out of responsibilities and accountabilities. After all, if you are “needed” you can count on the other person not risking losing you by holding you accountable to your commitments, choices, and responsibilities or your behaviors. All will be “forgiven���  because the person in need, needs you.

You don’t have to be a narcissist to have narcissistic tendencies or behaviors, especially covert narcissistic tendencies so don’t get hung up on the label. If you cannot set and hold boundaries, if you cannot directly hold to your commitments or honestly renegotiate them if circumstances change, if you cannot in general express your opinion or tolerate diversity and differences (instead of always guessing how to “fit in”, if you tend to  hang out with needy people only, or people who you sense are physically attracted to you or what you have to offer—or what they imagine you have to offer because you present that, you have some work to do and behaviors to clean up . As you learn to identify them, you can choose to heal and learn new responses and behaviors…. or not. But at the very least, start to own your choices.  For more detailed information on this material, see Dr. George Simon’s book titled Character Disturbances.

How does on respond when coming up against these covert, often (but not always) unconscious behaviors? Again, I refer you to Dr. Simon’s book as well as his interviews on YouTube and as Dr. Ramani’s work on narcissism on YouTube.  Stop giving people, adults, “a break”. That is how they got this way in the first place. You are not their therapist or their emotional cure or punching bag. Set boundaries, hold them accountable for respecting your boundaries and also for honoring their commitments, and expect outrages responses, everything from victim manipulation to rage. Yes they don’t know any better, but letting it go only reinforces the behaviors. And you have a right to your needs, desires, and boundaries and to expect reasonable commitments and renegotiation of commitments whether they be personal or professional.

If the person is inconsequential to you, yes, walk away. It’s not worth it. It is not worth having to go through the always victim manipulative, or silence (expecting you to do the emotional labor to fix the situation or conversation), or retaliatory attacks. Retaliatory attacks can be physical, withholding sex, setting a retaliatory “boundary” “right back at you”, and verbal attacks often cleverly disguised as (unasked for) “feedback”.  My wounded students often start analyzing me and critiquing me as a form of retaliation when they feel threatened (their image/ego is blown or exposed) or when they are being held accountable, instead of bringing up issues when things are calm and good which is the time to bring up issues to discuss and make changes as needed. These kinds of retaliatory actions, behaviors and choices (and there are others) are excellent red flags to identify the narcissistic defensive behaviors of the walking wounded who will lash out rather than risk problem solving. And it is not worth going through all of these if the person is not someone important to you.

People think conflict and conflict resolution are red flags. Yes they can be, depending on how it is handled and the subject matter. But choosing silence and keeping the peace as a priority over becoming a better person, or having a better relationship means you are choosing to protect your ego at all costs. The nice a polite culture is, currently, a scourge and a plague. If you love someone or care about them, you are willing to go through the labor of love to work things out and will choose that over your need to look good, be right, get by, keep the peace, hide in silence, flee, retaliate or other choices of control. Conflict resolution takes a willingness to give up control of your emotions and your ego, in order to listen, hear and negotiate. Meditation, prayer, spiritual practices are needed and are excellent. But they are not meant as an escape from responsibilities nor are they a substitute for hard actions that need to be taken in order to evolve in this lifetime, should you choose to walk that Path. Life itself will force you to grow, or you can risk jumping into the growing yourself without waiting for life circumstances becoming so difficult and painful that you have to make changes. It is your choice. Either choice will require risks and hard actions.

Below is a link to Brene Brown’s podcast discussing how white folds prefer to feel comfortable, be nice and polite, rather than become a better person. Why did I post this? Because becoming an anti-racist is related to becoming an authentic person. It is a choice, not (at this time) a necessity. Giving up your covert controlling narcissistic behaviors is also a choice. You can get away with it for a lifetime. Becoming a better person is a choice. You can stay with your current behaviors and choices and just keep “moving on” rather than stay and grow. This podcast addresses the subtle nuances of the heart and courage and commitment it takes to become a better person, a more spiritual person, a more authentic person. While it uses anti-racism as an example, it is applicable to any set of behaviors you have discovered in yourself that you now feel compromises who you are, your quality of life, your quality of being.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bren%C3%A9-austin-channing-brown-on-im-still-here-black/id1494350511?i=1000477381573

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Journey On.

Dr. Marie

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