#cybertron is kind os a mess you know

[thanksjro]

Eugenesis, Part Six Scene Four: Xenon Info-Dumps For Five-And-A-Half Pages

Alright, back to bullshit.

Galvatron is being a rude little turd to Xenon, calling his robot collection old and dusty, but Xenon’s too wrapped up in the Quintesson/Cybertronian lore to be bothered. Ultra Magnus just wants to know what the fuck he’s done with the Matrix.

You heard the man, out with it.

So, back when the Quintessons first started out, they were known as the Progenitors- yeah, I know- a quasi-organic race who went from caveman-level intelligence to full-blown hard sci-fi sons of guns at an incredibly rapid rate.  

Problem is, they didn’t get any further than that. They tried, sure. They tried real hard, for millions of years. Then, once their inspiration had run out, they started looking to other races to try and figure something out.

This just in, god is dead and James Roberts killed him by turning him into a glorified OS.

So, P.R.I.M.U.S. is encoded onto these geodes, and they become sentient. Sometimes they think they’re god.

Just like everyone else in this story.

Now that the Quintessons knew about these little god-doodads, they wanted one for themselves, to try and reverse-engineer the secret to immortality. They hired some guys called the Weavers to nab one for them.

This is some serious nerd shit, y’all. Galvatron agrees with me- he’s never even heard of any of the things Xenon’s droning on about. Neither have I- this is all Roberts at this point.

The Weavers brought back two geodes to the Quintessons, who promptly hid them away until the Masters cooled off a bit, since they were a little miffed about the thievery and whatnot. Then they noticed a couple problems: A) the geodes were encrypted to the moon and back, and B) if you so much as looked at the thing wrong it would purge the Lifecode completely.

Didn’t Optimus throw this thing at Unicron a couple times? Maybe the geode just doesn’t like you, Xenon, ever thought of that?

In order to decode the geodes, the Quintessons needed massive computers. Y’know, like God. But before they could really get a head start on that, the Masters’ nanobot enforcers showed up, blocking out the sky like a giant swarm of angry wasps. They wrecked shopped on Quintyxia- the old one, not the new one- and the Quintessons ran for it. They headed for the planet where they’d buried the other geode, but something went wrong with their hyperspace drive, and they didn’t arrive until two million years after they’d set off.

They dug for the geode, hit something metal, and that’s when the quakes started. The Quintessons left, thinking the planet was unstable.

At this point, Magnus is begging Xenon to just get on with it.

The Quintessons headed back to Quintyxia, to find that their lush, green world had been turned into one made of metal. Cybertron. Quintyxia is Cybertron. New Quintyxia is Quintyxia. It’s like that time Prince named himself the Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

Of course that leaves the question of why the nanobots didn’t just destroy the planet instead of… doing whatever they did to make Cybertron Cybertron.

So, Cybertron is a planet-sized computer, tasked with the sole purpose of decoding the meaning of life.

You know, I remember reading somewhere- and don’t quote me on this, because I can’t for the life of me remember where exactly- that Roberts has never read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Now, either he’s lying- which I don’t know why he would, the guy loves references- or this is just a weird thing the collective brain of the English population does, where they all jump to the same ideas in absurdist sci-fi.

When the Quintessons showed up on Cybertron, they were met with the results of the cracked Lifecode- the first Transformers (but they couldn’t transform, that was a thing that developed alongside the war.) They couldn’t do much of anything, really.

Well, now we know where the protoform babies in IDW come from.

The Quintessons, not ones to squander an opportunity, decide to use these fragile, helpless proto-beings as slaves.

Yeah, the Quintessons have kind of been the worst since day one.

They build brain modules, stick them in the ground- Seedlings, Xenon calls them- and watch as the planet wrapped living metal around them and built bodies.  

The Quintessons get pretty good at making the Auto-Bots, and get to a point where they’re drafting up blueprints for each solitary one. Blueprints that Xenon apparently kept, since he’s got all these copies in the pods right now.

If you couldn’t tell already, we’re going with the “the Quintessons made the Transformers” creation myth.

Of course, you make a big enough species, they’re going to need some corralling- that is, if you want to be an awful, controlling, overbearing parent. And the Quintessons definitely wanted that. So, what’s one to do?

…Look, it’s not that I necessarily disagree on a base level, but-

Xenon, you fucking neckbeard.

Because the Quintessons forgot that religion is not a one-set-outcome game, they were surprised to find that it had given their creations hope and will, things you really don’t want your enslaved masses to have.

The Covenant drove off the Quintessons, then fucked off into deep space to spread the message of Primus, with Maximo at the head of things. Maximo was the leader of the Cybertronian Empire and Megatron’s progenitor in the Marvel UK comics. They did leave someone behind to keep the masses within the faith- Primon. He’s important in the comics, just trust me on that.

Oh man, we’re finally getting some answers.

Xenon admits that the Quintessons didn’t come up with everything; there were parts that they just straight-up ripped out of the geode’s owner’s manual.

Oh. Well. That’s… underwhelming. Xenon’s really just dumping the entirety of the Cybertronian religion into the trash at this point, isn’t he? This info-dump has been going on for five pages, and we still aren’t done.

Turns out that kill switch code was pulled from the geode too- 4/11.002983712 is its serial number. That’s like if you called your dad by his first name and then immediately died afterwords.

But whatever happened to that second geode the Quintessons buried on the other planet?

Yeah, that turned into Unicron.

Turns out the virus that wipes the Lifecode from the geode messed up, and made the geode want to kill literally everything in the universe just for being alive.  

Well, isn’t that all just fine and dandy~!

Because the Quintessons didn’t realize what Unicron’s whole deal was at first- the vore-planet had learned how to lie at some point before they met up- they worked together for a time.

At this point the Quintessons had gone from being quasi-organic to something more cybernetically-dependent, so that might have also made things a little difficult in the baby-making department. Or not. I don’t fucking know, things are just happening at this point.

MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU KNOW WHAT BOOK YOU’RE IN

THERE WILL BE NO HAPPY ANYTHING

Storytime’s over, back to the present day. Xenon’s going to take these podded robots and populate New Quintyxia with them. They won’t fight, they’ll be actual, normal people who don’t wage war.

Xenon must have gotten some new glasses, because that’s one hell of a rose-tinted worldview he’s got there.

Ultra Magnus at this point just asks for the Matrix back so they can go home. Xenon says “nah, but check this out tho” and powers on the pod-bots.

Xenon, that’s gross. Don’t make Galvatron and Magnus watch you be weird with the power of granting life, man.

All the robots wake up, stand, and stare up at Xenon, who’s floated up to the ceiling on his power trip. They… aren’t supposed to do that.

Turns out the Matrix is a friggin’ liar, and only promised power because it’s actually Unicron in there. Well, damn.

Galvatron shoots Xenon. Good.

Shoulda sprung for the waterproofing on your Uggs, Mags.

Galvatron’s on a roll, now. He aims at one of the zombies and fires, and they all go down, thanks to their interlinked minds. Crisis averted, I guess.

Magnus, though not happy with Galvatron’s wanton destruction of innocents, has bigger fish to fry at present; he’s convinced that the Matrix is still inside God. Boy oh boy, is he wrong, but the narrative demands he at least tries. He sticks his hand into the computer, up to the shoulder. That’s not good heavy-duty machinery safety.

Well, shit. He’s been possessed by a higher power.

You know, now that I think about it, there’s a good chance that Xenon putting the Matrix into God messed up the killswitch code, and that’s why Prowl had to use a wasting disease to try and end it all. Not really relevant at this exact moment in the story, just a thought I had.

Galvatron, having had enough mystical bullshit for one day, shoots his arm clean off, severing the connection. Magnus drops like a stone, and Galvatron bolts as everything starts coming down around them.

Oh no, Magnus is gonna be our first victim, isn’t he?

Magnus follows after Galvatron, leaving his arm. Hope he doesn’t run into any aqua fortis on the way back to the Trident, because his Pretender shell is beat all to hell.

Then Xenon pulls himself together and stops being dead.

Sigh.

This was ONE section.

[milagrosen]

You've probably be asked this a thousand times, but why do you like Knock Out and Bumble Bee together so much. What makes them an OTP for you?

Alright let your captain tell ya! Now i’ve probably forgotten some points here,for some reason i’ve never written this down maybe i should. Also i’m not a good writer, my wording might be bit clanky but i’ve written these down straight from my mind, uncut thoughtsFirst of all, they’re adorable like no question. They’re both adorable individually and together they just double the trouble. But here’s deeper reasons

- Because they're so similar yet they’re so different at the same time.They’re both fun-loving, sassy, smart, charismatic, very multitalented, down-to-earth and collected and lovable dorks, bit awkward but in a cute way.But they’re so different, KO is more flamboyant and can be little eccentric at times. Where’s Bee is more calm and keeps his cool and emotions well in almost any situation. Not that KO is a exploding mess, not at all, but he does express his thoughts, positive or negative more than Bee does.Bee is the sweetest, kindest and chivalrous guy but he has low self esteem when it comes to his person. Knock Out on the other hand has great self esteem but is bit closed off and selfish. They could learn a lot form each other as in to grow. Their differences are perfectly imperfect and their similarities are so complimentary.- They've many same interests. They both love racing and spending their free time at night, they both love Earth and its things like movies. They like keeping themselves looking presentable, like dancing, music and they kinda have the same sense of humour. They just have good time together, never run out fun things to do. But they’d also be perfectly content just being in the same room doing their own things.- Bee'd be such a good friend form the start for KO. He loves all of his friends and he’s not "after anything". He just wants to support and cheer up his friends. And i think thats’ really gonna hit KO hard, someone so genuinely kind and caring. I don't think it’s something Knock Out really has seen or experienced and it’d be something that he’d perhaps admire and then ultimately fall for. And since Bee is always so nice and helpful, KO’d feel comfortable around him and seek Bee’s company when he can before anyone else’s- They’d be positive influence to each other and help each other to grow as a person. With Bee, KO’d learn to be part of a close team, make friends who are kind and happy to hang with him. Also Bee’s braveness and sense to stand up what’s right are something KO’d start to pick up on and eventually he’d grow to not be afraid to stand his ground. And for Bee, KO would bring this sense of freedom just to be. It’s different to hang with KO, like BB's status and reputation drop and he’s just a young, energic bot who likes to have fun. KO doesn’t expect BB to be or do something magnificent every single moment, even tho he knows what a hero BB really is. Bee'd get that feeling of ”normality”, when with KO that the war didn’t really let him have. And KO is such fun company and interesting, different in a good way. I think Bee likes the him that he is when KO is around because he gets to be nothing but himself at the same time.- The fact that Bee knew who Knock Out was when no other Autobot did, like it already gives off the idea that there’s already some history. Especially on Bee’s part, like what if he has seen or even met Knock Out before. Maybe when he still had his voice, did KO meet Bumble with a voice? Maybe he shadowed KO for a job! It could literally be anything and story just waiting to be told

Now i know this is long already and people don’t like too long posts soi’m gonna put everything else under this read more. KOBB continues

- When you kinda think about it, Bee and KO’s relationship was one of the few that developed a lot for the better. Yeah they never hated each other but they were rivals. But then went to associates to team mates to friends to true friends. Such good friends that they stuck together and KO stood by Bee and rest of bots against the corrupted council. I’m sure KO is happy that he did made the right choice and got to know Bee- Both of them think the other is out of their league. Knock Out knows Bee is Cybertron’s biggest hero, he’s brave, righteous, so kind and everyone loves him, why would he pay special attention to him? And Bee knows this amazing and brilliant doctor who is also a good fighter and great racer, he’s gorgeous and funny like why would he be interested in him? So they think the other is incredible, so incredible in fact that they can’t be in the same league when actually they’re both very much equal.- The med-bay would become a place for them. Yes cause BB tends to get dented often but also because it’s such a quiet calm place, which i bet Bee’dstart to appreciate. KO would get to do is thing, BB wouldn’t bother him but he’d give KO his undivided attention when a conversation starts. KO would love that and i think they’re those who can just talk for hours non stop.- Bumblebee and Knock Out are both tragic characters. Yes Bee on a scale is a lot more tragic but they’ve both been through a lot. Their loses, their physical pains they’ve been through, it’s a lot for bots so young. I don’t think either of them sleep well at night. Which though does create them moments to bond together when finding each other in the night. And  Bee is one of the best people you’d ever tell and share your doubts and insecurities. He’s a bot who keeps his promises and doesn’t backstab you. Knock Out’d notice.- Maybe there’s something in that they were more or less "made for each other” Like i think in the Art of Prime the main idea was to make Knock Out fast, an equal to Bumblebee, to be his like counterpart so i suppose that already gave base and made me interested. Also they both stand out in the franchise overall so they have that star, power couple material- They look really good together. Like aesthetically they go so well together. And in RiD15, look at Bee and you’ll see there’s Knock Out in him. And KO even got that Bee cyan blue on him. I don’t know, it feels like they’re that pair that spend so much time together that they started to look like each other- Think about Bumblebee, the metaphorical son of Prime, Cybertron’s greatest hero and the bravest warrior out there. And Knock Out his formal rival who chose to save him and take the side of good and kinda became a role model to those who want to do the same. It’s not hard to think them as this poster couple of new era, everyone living in peace again, working together and spreading the idea that after the war, they're able to move on all together.Suppose there’s always going to be a leader and his medic

Yeah i might be forgetting some points here but overallWho doesn’t love a story of two young souls who realise they’re two of a kind, love all the same things and get along so well but the war kept their worlds from colliding. But they're able to leave it all to the past and start a brand new beginning together. Growing and becoming each other’s best friends and anchor person, being great as individual but amazing as a team. Eventually becoming os close that no matter what comes between them they’re able to overcome it and find each other again. There’s a lot of potential