#dadguilt

[philgemmell]

Phil’s Friday Thoughts #4

Dad Guilt Is Real 💔

Recently my little baby boy has been staying over at my mother-in-law’s and spending the day at my parents a lot. And every time I feel the Dad Guilt.

The first 3-6 months of being a parent is an absolute whirlwind of no sleep, stress and love so intense I’ll never ever be able to describe. At that time, any break I could get was welcomed, yet these days I can’t bare to have him not with me.

I know full well I need a rest or some time to myself, we all do, but I can’t help but feel my heart pulled from my chest when I hand him over to be looked after by someone else. My wife has felt like this since day one, but it’s pretty new for me now we’re back in the swing of both of us working and him needing childcare.

Thankfully he’s able to be looked after by family so we know who he’s with and we get regular updates. But I still can’t help feel I should be the one looking after him and that my time isn’t that important, yet everyone, including my wife, tells me I need the break.

I knew parenthood was going to be a rough ride as well as the best thing to ever happen to me. But they never warn you about Dad Guilt.

Anyone else feel the same?

[responsiveparenting]

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[emeraldrosequartz]

Things that should be taught in pregnancy/new parent classes:

1. Momguilt / Dadguilt, and how to deal with it

2. How to function while sleep deprived

3. How much longer it will take you to do basic things, such as getting out of the car or getting yourself dressed

4. The appropriate amount to post to social media, and which platforms are best for parent/family specific stuff

5. How to cover or blur your/your kid(s)’s faces before posting randomly online

6. Losing all your existing hobbies, and when you can expect to finally be able to participate in them again and/or pick up new hobbies

7. All the bad words you’ll inevitably say in front of your kid, and ways to turn those words into innocuous phrases that they can/will repeat

8. Making dinner while managing a child

9. Setting clear expectations with your spouse about chores/new responsibilities

10. Changing friends from people who don’t have kids to people who do

[infertilestepmom]

Why I lost my shit on Monday.....

Husband comes into work telling me that B is (once again) crying before school. He forgot his drink in his lunch and Husband wouldn’t go home. B has been packing his own lunch so this is his responsibility.  I am so proud of my husband at this point.  He tells me how he told B to get a milk, B cried that he didnt like milk.... (he drinks milk at home??) 

Anyway I am left with the impression he made B get out of the car and figure it out.  Good backbone Dad!

I pick up B from school and ask “So B, tell me how you solved your problem today of not having a drink in your lunch!”  l am all proud to hear how he overcame his issue.... THEN he pulls out Dad’s water bottle. 

Internal GASP.  I then say “So hang on... you cried and your dad gave you HIS water bottle? Is that how you handle issues that come up at school?  You just cry and you get your way?”  Then I said “You know who acts that way?  Babies....” 

Then I proceeded to lose my shit on my husband via text..... seriously??? 

Here comes counseling on Tuesday......