#dealing with inner trauma while fucking non stop or whatever

[moonlandingtrip]

Why the fuck is there so much hate inside the LGBT community

Just fucking stop with the biphobia, panphobia, arophobia, acepobia, transphobia, and all this other dumb shit. Look I've been seeing so much of all of this on my dash and tbh I'm at a very bad point rn and I just can't deal with all this hatred going around. So I'm going to say my thoughts and peace off of Tumblr for a while. Also I'm sorry if I say anything incorrect or if I accidentally make an insensitive comment, that's the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do. Just correct me.

The entire point of the LGBT is being a community and protecting each other. I honest to God hate transmeds and any kind of bi/pan/aro/ace phobic- LGBT people more than cis het transphobic and LGBT phobic people. And I know that's going to piss people, but here's the thing: people come to the LGBT community because they want to feel loved and included and appreciated and if you're going to turn around and hate on them because you don't understand them? You are a horrible person.

Bisexual people are valid, they don't have to pick a side and being in a relationship doesn't make them straight/gay. They are still a part of the LGBT when in wlm relationships. They aren't transphobic and they have their own reasons for identifying as bi instead of pan or poly or Omni. Being bi doesn't mean people they think there are only two genders, so quit acting like they're excluding people because they aren't.

Pansexual people are valid, and again they have their own reasons for identifying like this. Personally I think the term "bi" in relation to all genders is outdated but that's why I identify as pan. But again, that's my personal reason, it doesn't mean bi people think there are only two genders. We aren't bisexual snowflakes and we aren't erasing bi people.

Aromantic people are valid, they deserve to be in the LGBT. I can't say much about the identity because to be honest, I don't know much about it. However, I do know that a lot of aromantic people are considered "broken" by outsiders and are told to stop taking their necessary medication to try and "fix" them. Just because arophobia generally isn't as violent as homophobia does not mean it doesn't exist. Plus imagine living in a society where so many people think the entire point of living is to find "the one" and get married and yet you just can't. That would be like being raised as the chosen one in a propechy and you are taught for years that you're purpose is to find the "golden skull" or whatever and it doesn't even exist.

Asexual people are valid, they deserve to be in the LGBT. Again can't say much about them because again I don't know much, I do know they face similar problems of people trying to "fix" them and being taken off their meds. I've heard of a lot of asexual people being in sexual relationships and hating it but doing it because they think they're supposed to. Obviously I can't 100% relate but I have trauma with sex and there are times I just don't want anything to do with it and yet I've been with people who have pressured me to fuck when I didn't want to and it's painful.

Transgender people of all kinds are valid and there are many points to this one but first we'll start with transmed assholes, some people experience disphoria and others don't. No, you don't need disphoria in order to feel Euphoria. I have disphoria so again, if parts are incorrect just inform me and I'll fix it at some point but this was written to the best of my ability. Sometimes people just feel happier identifying as a gender that doesn't fit who they were assigned while not necessarily being uncomfortable with their AGAB. I like salad and I'll eat it if it's the only option but if you offer me a fucking pizza I'm ALWAYS going to choose the pizza instead. I assume it's a similar, but more complicated, situation with non-disphoric trans people.

Now to trans people who are GNC, they are valid. You're a trans guy but you want to wear a dress? Fucking do it. Be you, you know who you are and you wear what you want to wear. You're a trans girl but you want to wear "men's" fashion? Good on you! Plenty of girls do. Just because they don't feel the need to conform to societal standards on gender appearance doesn't mean they aren't the gender they say they are. Nobody knows your gender better than you.

Add on to this to fix my mistakes, give more info about these things, or add more cases of inner LGBT phobia. And I'm really sorry I'm not as knowledgable about aromantic and asexual people as I should be.

Anyways, I'm done with Tumblr for now. I might stay still update my art blog idk. I'm just sick of seeing hatred on the one website I thought let everyone be more open about who they were. There's probably a lot of grammatical mistakes in here because I'm pissed off and I'm just writing my thoughts. I really don't care to fix them. Just deal with it.

Send hate if this pisses you off, I really don't care. Peace. ✌🏻

[ember373]

Musings after Heartbreak...

July 25, 2020 2:10 pm

I break. And I cry. And I feel sorry for myself. And then...I get up and do what needs done. Eventually, I take a deep breath and sift through the pieces and see what I can do something about and what I just need to set aside for now. Yes, my heart attracts all those jaggy little metal pieces back unto itself to cut me again and again, but there is a bit of wiggle room. I can maybe move this piece a little here, block that one for a bit, smooth the edges on this other one. I am a positive person by nature. So, no matter how far I get knocked down, I pick myself back up and try to figure out how to move forward. A lot of the time it feels like I’m being held down, standing still. But I still try to at least think about ways to move forward for the day I have enough energy to implement them. it’s exhausting, but it’s who I am-what I do.

I don’t like feeling lost. Out of control. Alone. Depressed. It goes against everything I am. It feels wrong. And that’s why it’s been so hard to live in my skin the last how many ever years. This week has been no different. I am both resolved to my situation but, at the same time, I feel like there is something coming. A change. It both excites and terrifies me.

After pouring all that out yesterday, I went about the rest of my night. Watched a few dramas. Shut it all down and sat alone in the dark for a bit to calm my mind. Was about to go to sleep being that it was 1 am when I realized I had to use the restroom. Came back and just felt a stir. I knew I shouldn’t go to sleep at that moment. I should throw some cards to clear my head. Looked at the clock. 1:23. Lol. I guess maybe the Universe had something to tell me...

It was obviously a drawing about me and Dev. Haha. Ok. Maybe not obvious to you, but definitely to me. That was what I had in mind. That was what was causing me the most confusion. I did everything in the dark and I threw with my eyes closed. I didn’t really think about it, I just did it. I think it was to shut my expectations and desires out and let the outcome be pure. Wow. Cards were pretty decisive. He’s non committal so don’t waste your time. You know what you want-don’t settle. You’ve given up control you shouldn’t have. He refuses to see any other perspective but his own-he’ll never get over this. You’re worth standing up for. He’s distrustful of women and he won’t be getting over that with you. The Universe may have given me a gift in him, but it got all messed up and the opportunity has passed. Time to focus on something outside yourself. While I realize that it was my fault everything got messed up, it was Dev’s fault for not being willing to be vulnerable enough to straighten it all out. That’s on him. If he wants to be a stubborn blind ass-that’s on him. I fucked up, but so did he. It is what it is. If I can just stop reacting so much, I’m sure he’ll eventually just fade away. Non attached me seems to get very boring very quickly to people. I think that’s the point tho. Idk. Maybe he’ll always be there. On the fringe. Because he’s too damn scared to confront anything and be vulnerable, but he doesn’t want to completely let go either. Whatever. He can do what he wants. I’m not going to be the strong grrr fuck you bitch I’d really like to be. But I am going to try to just let it be what it is and not worry about it. I have bigger things to worry about, I can’t waste my energy on this anymore. Oh, I’m sure I will, but hopefully it will get less and less. ;)

Today was still feeling unsettled, so I grabbed the cards again. Yes/no questions at first since I was kind of being lackadaisical about it. Ever since Margie mentioned it, I’ve always kept her telling me that there will be another love, a greater love, close to my heart. It’s my tiny hope. So I asked if I already knew this person. Strong No. Would I meet them by the end of this year? Strong possibility. Would I meet them while still married? Strong possibility that I would not. Would the oppressor cheat on me? (I have had a weird feeling that would be the only way this could end in the least destructive way as possible.) Strong possibility. Is he cheating on now? Possibly. I felt like it meant he’s not physically doing it now, but it’s on his mind. Not actively, just...he’s lonely and not getting what he wants from me. He might even be justifying it and trying to convince himself that it would be ok. Then I pulled a card to tell me when I’d meet this person. December. Hmmm... Ok. Time to throw some cards.

I focused on the person. What sign would he be so I would know it was him? What would he be like? Tell me about him... It wasn’t what I wanted, but I think it probably told me what I needed to know. I kind of just finished it, so I’ll process it here. 7 cards. Not a whole lot, but it’s what came out. No swords. I feel like it’s telling me I won’t overthink this, like I do just about everything else. So that’s good. 3 cups, 2 pentacles, 2 wands. Emotion, drive, and senses. No duplicates. Cards almost go in order. 4,6,7,8,9, page, Queen. They weren’t thrown in that order tho. I just noticed it. I didn’t think to look at them in that order until now. I’ll have to think on that.

I’m not happy with what I have right now. I am being offered a lot, the oppressor definitely provides, but I don’t want any of it. I don’t appreciate it. I’m ungrateful. Not that they are things I need to be grateful for, just, they’re not things I want. From him. So I don’t appreciate them like I should. This is affecting me. (Duh) Right now I’m in a situation where I have to depend on someone else and I don’t like that. The takeaway is that I need to use this to realize what a healthy relationship actually looks like and that one person shouldn’t depend so much on the other-there is healthy co dependence. I need to think on that and just give my soul a break right now. I will be swept off my feet, but right now, I need to start feeling more gratitude towards life and focus on the positive. Over these was a card telling me that positive changes will take place in the future, but I need to deal with relationship and love issues that I’ve been avoiding. I need to make the effort to heal all this. To come to terms with it. Need to learn what I need to learn so I don’t get caught up in the past and let it affect my future. Trust my inner voice, but don’t be afraid to ask for help (ugh).

In a separate grouping, things are moving forward and the outcome will be expected. It’s pretty much the logical conclusion. To stop it, which I don’t want to, but if I did it would be chaos. Just let things play out. They will. Over that was a card telling me love will come, it will just be a while longer. Time to focus on self (hmm...they keep telling me that...lol). I’ve experienced the lessons of the previous cards and now it’s time to absorb them and prepare to look for the deeper meanings in life that come after those lessons.

Next, I need to stand up for myself. I’m worth protecting. I may feel like I’m being attacked on all sides (work, love, home, family, etc). But what I need to remember is that a lot of my enemies are of my own making. I’m seeing attacks where there are none. My past hurt and trauma and PTSD have me all sorts of crazy and I’m fighting against EVERYONE, even those that could potentially be good people (sorry Dev...). It’s not the universe against me-it’s life being played out. It sucks that everything is happening at once, but I need to remember that the Universe has my back on this. This is what needs to happen. That stupid guy may be right-I’m close to achieving what I’m meant for, which is love and happiness, I just need to be strong and do what I know I need to. I need to remember that the Universe isn’t inherently positive or negative, it isn’t largely against or for me-it’s all about what I project into it. And right now, it’s saying I’m giving you the opportunity to have everything come together. You’ve been through a lot, put a lot of effort in, don’t stop now. It’s always darkest before the dawn type of thing I guess. I need to start focusing on projecting good into my life. I’m not in a good place and only I can get myself out of it. And that doesn’t happen by dwelling there and feeling sorry for myself. It happens by starting to set good intentions and actively work on manifesting them. (Ha! Don’t I sound new agey now? Lol).

The last card was me. A lonely woman. Someone who makes do with what she has, makes the best of what she can, but feeling like there isn’t that other half of her to share it with. Something is missing. This card also denotes a woman with a profound sadness having come from having moved on from a past relationship. Even when it’s all said and done, I may not be ready to move on yet. I need to take my time and process everything. I may think I’ll be fine because I’ve been disconnected for a very long time, but when you cut that final cord, you feel it. I’ll feel it. And I need to honor that and spend some time with it. Completely feel it and process it before I move on. As much as I wallow in self pity and wonder I did to deserve this, this was meant to happen. It’s helped shape who I am. I need to focus on the gifts it has given me. The light in those positives will help heal the dark wounds I’ve been nursing all these years.

Take Away? Things are coming to an end. I’ve been feeling it. I still don’t know if I can quite wrap my head around them ending this year, I guess we’ll see. I’m not going to do anything to hasten or prevent it. I’ve felt for a long while that the universe had some big lessons for me in this. There was some Kharma I needed to work out. I felt like being stuck where I am I must not be learning them. Or, in order to be rewarded for my knowledge, I would need to hurt someone and go against everything that I am. I think part of my anger at the universe was because I was so mad that I changed myself to accommodate the oppressor. So mad that anyone tries to change who a person innately is. Yet, I felt the Universe was trying to do exactly that. After it showed me that I need to go back to who I was and rediscover myself. Why bring me back only to tell me to do something so antithema to my true being? i don’t think I necessarily put it together until now, but I definitely felt the incongruity. And it wasn’t until just processing everything today that the thought occurred to me that maybe my lesson WASN’T to be strong enought to hurt another. Maybe my lesson was just to be strong enough for myself. To find that courage to stand up and make my voice be heard. it’s exhausting, but it’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Not laying down and taking crap. Voicing my opinion. Standing up for injustices I see. Not getting beaten down. i think that was the lesson all along. To have more confidence in myself and my abilities. All my abilities. I’m a strong woman, I just forgot that for a while. And strength doesn’t mean having the ability to hurt people. It’s the ability to love them despite the hurt. To love them enough to stand up to them and demand they be a better human being. I’m hoping that was the lesson anyway. Lol. Otherwise, I may never learn it. >.<

So...I need to do what I’ve felt I’ve needed to for a while now-get me back to good. Focus on honing my talents. Recognizing exactly what I want in life. Figuring out what my next career move will be. Opening my heart to the universe and allowing these things to happen. Having interests and learning more about them. Strengthening my sight and intuition and trust in myself. I did a reading for a complete stranger and she said it was spot on!! And in light of that, I still don’t trust my abilities. Lol. I need to work on that. I need to work on a lot of things. But I need to take them one at a time and stop being daunted by all that needs to happen. Bit by bit, I’ll get it done. I wish I had all the answers now, but I need to be patient. Stop forcing things. There is another love out there for me, one that will be all I’ve ever dreamed of, and it will come to me when it’s supposed to. Not exactly what I wanted, but what I must have needed. Time to take deep breaths and start the processes that will allow me to move forward. I will take steps back. And sideways. And upwards and downwards. But as long as I keep moving, eventually I’ll get myself in the right direction. Right? The sun in the world is especially beautiful after a storm. When it breaks through dark clouds and lights up all the drops of rain everywhere. You can smell it. Taste it. Feel it. It’s time for my storm to be over. The sun might not be here yet, but I can at least do the work I need to in order to be able to truly enjoy it. Clear my eyes. Free my heart. Let loose my soul. Be open to being the very person I’m meant to be and trust that I absolutely know who that person is. Or, at least, I will. ;)

**Side note. Or end note? Anyway, interestingly enough, I mistook my notes to say the Page of Cups instead of Coins at first and that card signifies soul mates or twin souls. Not sure about that, but it does signify a great love coming a person’s way. It gave me great comfort and I wonder if that happened on purpose. The card might not have been thrown, but maybe the message was still meant to be there. But it shouldn’t be strong enough as to overshadow everything else that was there. So here, take this little tid bit, set it aside, now look at everything else and how it relates to each other WITHOUT this card in the mix. It’s its own thing. If I had the physical card, it would have thrown everything off. Colored it. i do believe they were giving me hope in a way I could understand it. <3

[cantaffordtherapist42069]

breakdown message/running journal

first and foremost i cannot believe I wasted time getting my nails done to not even get to see them on a dick this is what I get for going with something cool again

part of me feels just absolutely stupid. like i have no idea what's going on or what anything means because i am just so used to being manipulated or lied to or choked out in bathrooms. i want to believe u are a genuinely nice person like you seem but part of me feels like you are just really good at hiding that you're just an emotionally dead fuckboy.

but like would i recognize those traits if i were not also an emotionally dead fuckboy probably not.

which is exactly why this week has been so awful.

had this been a week ago i was ready to have the "hey i havent felt any real human emotion in years but if you want me to i can try but like ur dick bomb so i can swing whatever" conversation. deadass i was at times like if he really a fuckboy i guess i can finally get a threesome out of it. (in the interest of funny things I would message u about but wont because i can't tell if you give a shit or not i was so far done caring for alias i suggested he message felecia for a threesome. completely seriously.)

however on wednesday, my anxiety was at an all time high for no reason. and it just kept getting worse all night. and all i wanted was to talk to you. i didnt care if all you did was bitch i just wanted like a ten minute phone call with you because i missed you and talking to you would have made me happy. then on my way home i had to pass a very freshly killed deer which, while interesting to my inner freak because it was like split in half and dragged, all i could think about was that your dumb ass text and snaps all the fucking time while you're driving and that technically speaking you could just hit a deer at like 70 and die and that's it you never get to talk to Dillon again and i lost it i had to pull over to cry. this was partly because i was so high but also mostly because it has been so long since i have cared about the person i was fucking and i am terrified to get genuinely attached to another person like that again. but whatever i thought I could just deal with that later.

then of course the next day was Summers wedding. and yes it was cute and im very happy for them and love is beautiful but like, first off it was weird because i am literally getting a divorce that i could not be happier to finally be getting, but also i am kind of jealous of their relationship, and then when u hit me this week with the "never once contemplated marriage", Dillon i had never been more attracted to you than at that moment. and again all i wanted was to talk to you but you were barely responding so i just volunteered to work all night to get my mind off everything even though it was one of my nights off and i already felt miserable. Then the more i thought about it all night, u bitching about being hungover, i realized that u didnt send me a single drunk text and like.. cant relate! i want to talk to you literally all the time but especially when im drunk and miss you and havent talked to you all day!

friday morning i had mail from the court that the judge on my divorce case put in a removal for dismissal. on my way to the courthouse guess who was behind me! alias! guess who had a panic attack because shes so fucking scared of this actual pussy! me! guess who has to get her paperwork in by the 20th or she has to pay 250 fucking more dollars to the state to file again! me! and of course multiple people have told me that they dont think alias and felecia are doing well and im fucking terrified. i thought theyd at least last a year and buy me some time to heal but nah fuck me. i love feeling absolutely terrified everywhere i go.

i think its probably important you get the whole story. it really explains why im a freak and also why i was temporarily drinking almost every night. but like its really something you sit down and discuss not casually send over a message so a very short version is i knew alias would be abusive within the first week, broke up, got back together when he got back from basic and went to mos school, i knew i was making a mistake because i was crazy about him but i knew he was a piece of shit, cheated on him to convince myself to leave him, never told him and stayed instead, found him sending and receiving nudes and sexting with girls from gone wild on reddit, shit was absolutely awful and we fought non stop for years, he gets out of the marines we move back and he finally admits to me that he thought he wanted kids which i had known he did for a while so wasnt a shock, I smoked half a pack of camels and i was over it. didnt love him at all. didnt leave because he begged me to stay because "he didnt he just needed to discuss wanting kids", then after i specifically warned him i was going to be emotionally distant, he started getting crazy. he was so miserable all the time and reflected it by acting angry around me intentionally. then it was the busting in to my room at random times to accuse me of not loving him and like i wasnt going to admit to the psycho that i was just with him because i couldn't leave kira with him and yes i was def lying about loving him, and then one night he just flipped and was screaming at my accusing me of cheating on him (not that i even had the time to with how closely he monitored where i was and how long for), and then he choked me. he had both hands around my neck and was pushing so hard he basically threw me into the bathroom wall. then after he realized what he was doing he smashed his head into the bathroom mirror and came into my room begging me to kill him. every night after that i was terrified to stay and terrified to leave and terrified to do anything at all. i really thought killing myself would be how id finally get out. then the night with the police happened and now im staying with my mom and stepdad because i literally do not feel safe anywhere else.

or at least i didn't until i was able to sleep all night with you. i did not think i would ever feel safe sleeping with a guy again and now i miss waking up next to you.

there is so much about you that freaks me out but literally not one red flag and that also freaks me out. i know im a mess. you have a nice normal stable life and im sure you dont want a messy trauma bitch all up in it. but fuck Dillon, if you dont want to see me why the fuck are we always talking

like i know i have done everything possible to get you to keep your distance and all i know how to do is self sabotage but like i can't anymore. i am not capable of acting chill again for another whole fucking month and then imagine you hooking up with way hotter girls and cry every fucking night because i caught feelings for the fuckboy. i miss you, literally, all the time. i check my phone every morning just to see if i have a message from you. i think about you every night. and yes the way you fuck me is literally the best sex ive ever had but i am beyond dick crazy about you. i love just being around you. i could listen to you talk for hours, just nonstop. i am already daydreaming about dates we could go on next summer. and i want to tell you all this but i feel so stupid for feeling anything at all for you when you make me feel like i just dont matter to you and im just an ego boost for you.

[colorisbyshe]

Sorry for bringing ace discourse into your askbox in the year 2018, but I just noticed the only people that I have seen identifying as ace are people traumatized by sex or dealing w/ internalized homo/bi/transphobia. Ex: Tim Gunn. Doesn't this show that, at the very least, it is something people should get help for instead of just putting a label on it, call it a day and pretend they're systematically oppressed? I'm a victim of sexual violence and I get the feeling but... stop

Okay, so, we’re gonna do this… alright. Back to my roots, back to ace discourse. This post better get zero notes because i am NOT doing lesbian/bi discourse, q slur discourse, AND ace discourse at the same time.

I want to say that I believe there are genuinely asexual people. People who genuinely feel no sexual attraction, understand that to mean that if you aren’t sexually attracted to people that means you don’t want to have sex with them (which means they can still have sexual desires like, “Wow, I’m horny, time to jerk off,” but that being horny in the sense that, “Wow, I wanna fuck them,” isn’t an ace experience but an “allo” one), and are chill with it exist and are ace. I’m fine with them. i’ve BEEN them.

I also think that a lot of people traumatized by sex and genuinely do “become” ace in the sense that they no longer have any interest in sex and are so repulsed that they just can’t feel sexual attraction anymore. While I would recommend some level of therapy to them, I also recognize that a. that’s not possible for everyone and b. therapy doesn’t mean they’re going to change at all. So, y’unno, there’s a fine line to walk when it comes to trauma.

But I also think there needs to be a recognition that the idea that aces are primarily LGBT, neurodivergent/mentally ill/traumatized, minors, and/or women has to be dealt with. A lot of aces brag about how cishet aces are a rare thing and how cishet male aces are practically non-existent and that is the biggest argument against asexuality being a common thing because there is literally no reason for LGBT people to be more likely to actually lack sexual attraction.. but there are about a million and five reasons as to why LGBT people wouldn’t know they’re experiencing sexual attraction, would deny experiencing sexual attraction, and would not want to experience sexual attraction. Same thing for all the other groups listed.

Asexuality–especially when it is so broadly defined to include people who are most definitely not lacking in sexual attraction (demi-aces, grey-aces, lithros, and “sex positive/neutral” aces)–becomes a sort of bandaid label for people in denial or repressing themselves. It becomes a way for people to pussyfoot around their actual labels, the parts of it that are most demonized (ie the sexual parts), and their own feelings. It’s a way to not confront and work through trauma and dysphoria and internalized misogyny and homophobia and trnasphobia and fatphobia and racism and ableism and whatever other phobia/ism we wanna stir the pot with.

It’s a way to maybe say, “Okay, I’m gay, I want to have sex, but unlike those OTHER gay people, I am not a predator who has to have sex and is prone to animalistic urges like all of this homophobia I grew up with told me, I’m One of The Good Ones!” It’s seeing gay or trans or woman as identities defined by sex–and by sex I mean Deviant sex–and not wanting to be grouped in with that, so they find away out via labels.

Meanwhile, “Gay” can include any relationship to sex possible. Horndog, promiscuous, voluntarily celibate, wants to get laid but sucks at it, sex repulsed, traumatized by sex, low libido, high libido, prefers to flick the bean over sex with other people, top sun, bottom moon, vers rising. There is no real need to clarify it to strangers or to make your relationship to sex a central part of your identity, especially if your relationship to sex is just. not wanting it. Like, my central identity as a bisexual isn’t “not straight” or “not gay,” it’s “bisexual.” Most identities don’t work when centralized around what you aren’t or do not want. “Lacking sexual attraction,” especially when it isn’t attached to any behaviour (ie lacking sexual attraction but still having sex), doesn’t mean anything.

So, when people make a big deal out of it, I do have to wonder if there is a level of something else going on. “I’m a homoromantic ace but being ace matters to me more than being gay does,” SCREAMS internalized homophobia to me. And it’s very hard to see it any other way.

So, if I know that person, I might talk to them about it. If I don’t, I might privately be skeptical but reserve full judgments because, again, I believe asexuality is real. But in general.. it’s rough because I do think this kind of explosive movement to reconsider every identity as ace is a response to trauma, internalized self hate, and a sort of need to be pure so you’re “not like the other girls” or whatever other marginalized group you’re kind of trying to create distance from. Even cishet aces seem to be getting invested into it to say, “I’m not like other cishets, I’m not an oppressor.”

I can’t tell what is genuine and what isn’t. As a 25 year old with a medical condition that kicked my libido’s ass and went undiagnosed for years, with internalized fatphobia and a general Bad Relationship with my body in general, who is a homebody who barely even sees enough people to be attracted to (seriously, I mostly just see family, friends who I can’t see as sexual beings, and then old people)… I can barely parse my OWN feelings when it comes to my own sexual attraction, so I’m not gonna dictate someone else’s.

But from experience… yeah I do think a lot of self identifying aces aren’t ace and are using it as a way to avoid confronting inner demons. And that we should work to help them work through that rather than just being like “Yup! Sounds good, you sex loving gay person who doesn’t want o be called gay, just a homoromantic ace, you are totally fine and this isn’t a cry for help!”

QUICK NOTE THO: Tim Gunn never identified as ace the way we mean it now. He meant it as “celibate/just disinterested in sex” and has since clarified that. That’s what ace meant when he used it. And, yeah, he did use it out of the trauma of being cheated on as well as the AIDS Crisis, so no aces should cheer him on as an ace icon, especially since he has semi-recently started to put himself out there again because he was tired of isolating himself out of fear.