#debut or die textpost

[cheongryeo]

if u haven't noticed half of these contain a certain red cat

[sikensmisery]

i was tagged by @undo-mvtty so thank you so much for tagging me :))) I'm sorry for being late but here ya go :

Nickname : my friends and relatives call me nini but i love being called Z and also, i think i have a soft spot for pet names.

Star Sign : taurus. (okay, so i have this weird opinion about star signs. i mean sure its interesting and funny but most times, it doesn't match and honestly it's kinda amusing that just because two people are born in the same month are gonna have the same characteristics/life. no hate tho, i enjoy reading them and i will continue to.

Height : i used to think i was average but now, after tumblr, I'm convinced i am a baby. i'm really smol.

Last Film I Saw : it's a film called every day and i was really interested in watching it bc of its very riveting storyline. i liked the movie but i felt like it had big chunks missing. it was a cute movie tho.

Favourite Musician : holy shit this is gonna be a 2 mile list if i start naming and describing all my favourite musicians so i'm trying to keep it short.

the 1975 is my favourite band and it has been for a while now. it's not like i am a die hard fan of everything they (read matty) do or say but i can definitely say after 2 years of knowing them, I'm in love with this band very much, no matter what music they make, no matter what genre they sing, and no matter how much people stereotype the 1975 fans. this band really changed my life and the way i see music.

john mayer has been a huge influence on me as well, that man is one fucking hell of a genius. i can only dream of successfully playing the neon riff in like 10 years. he's had songs for me when i did not understand myself. the edge of desire solo still does not fail in making my spine shiver.

I love lovelytheband's debut album, i met you when I was 18 by lauv, blue neighborhood by troye. loved zayn's mind of mine but absolutely did not like icarus falls. some other musicians who are equally as fascinating to me are david bowie, arctic monkeys, THE PAPER KITES, james bay, KINGS OF LEON, slowdive, pink floyd, the smiths.

Songs Stuck In My Head : the chorus of i'm so tired by lauv and troye has been stuck in my head since the first listen. there's this indian band called 'the local train' and i love their music. the riff of their song 'aaoge tum kabhi' is like really catchy and i always find myself trying to 'sing' it.

Other Blogs I Like : i reblog anything that i like, I don't necessarily maintain a theme or anything of that sort. so i like different types of blogs from quotes to music to textposts to memes. i absolutely completely love memes.

Do I Get Asks : absolutely not. I'd like to think I don't mind but actually I'd LOVE to get em.

Blogs Following : 208 blogs.

What Am I Wearing : A high waisted grey trouser which i like a lot and a blue striped t-shirt with a cute pocket. I'm also almost covered completely by my orange blankie, which i think counts too.

Dream Job : honestly, i dream about being a musician and going on tour and singing my heart out and also having the audience sing my words back to me too. that is probably my ultimate dream not to mention impossible.

Dream Trip : i think paris is always gonna be that place, the city of love and after watching quite a few movies based on paris, it's also the ultimate dream. I'd love to explore the city uninhibited, the cracks and crevices of it, the food, the people and maybe with someone that i care about. (the prospect of exploring the city of love, all alone is a bit of depressing to me)

Play Any Instruments : yes. I've been playing acoustic guitar for roughly two years and I love it even tho i probably suck. i can also play quite a bit of keyboards/piano. I'm really excited to learn it completely once my exams get over.

Languages : english is my first language in school and needless to say, I'm more comfortable in english than my mother tongue. i also speak bengali and hindi. i really wanna learn spanish and maybe french but I'm the laziest procrastinator out there so i only know a few spanish phrases and words. (mostly curses tho, they come in handy)

Favourite Food : chicken nuggets are my fucking weakness. my mom is an amazing cook so we have our doses of really good food like every day not to jinx it. i loooove french fries, PIZZA, and cheesecake.

I'm tagging : @so-not-meant-to-be @starrskyy @robbersinthecity @ayyyaah @dont-kiss-sunflowers @eequanimityy

[softhaos]

TAG – 11 QUESTIONS

tagged by @jejublr who makes me smile and a squishy mess tyty nat!! 💖💖

Which idol are you willing to fight? do you want me to die i’d probably fight pristin’s yehana tho because we won’t fight sjhkjs

What’s your favorite fastfood chain? kfc bc i love chicken a lot

How would you spend a day at the beach? collect shells, eat lots of ice cream and stay away from the sun as much as possible

SM, YG or JYP? they’re all dickheads but jyp isn’t that much of a dickhead compared to the others imo so yeah,,,,, jyp

What’s your most memorable kpop debut(s)/comeback(s)? i entered the kpop community roughly a year ago (what already a year wowow) so i haven’t witnessed a lot of cbs/debuts yet but definitely,,,, svt’s clap comeback, rv with peekaboo and nU’EST W

How would you spend your last day on Earth? in my bed, on the internet tbfh i don’t like going outside

If you could pick a planet to live on other than Earth, what would it be and why? i don’t know many planets i guess venus?? venus sounds nice that’s why

Pick a pair of footwear to wear for the rest of your life platform sneakers bc i’m short and can’t walk in normal high heels

What’s the best fanficton you’ve ever read? how tf should i choose uuh if it has to be kpop related, the one that’s still fresh in my mind is busan 112 by havokftw on ao3!!!! here me out it’s a jicheol fic but not just jicheol it’s police officer!jicheol it’s PURE GOLD READ IT (it’s still ongoing but it’s so worth it)

How would you decorate your dream house? in beige and blue colors, have a room dedicated to albums and books and have a fridge somewhere in my room because i can’t be bothered to go to the kitchen every time

Please, recommend some creators blog! @17cuties for the softest edits ever @kylapristin for amazing girlgroup gifs @incorrectsvt for great textpost meme things!! (there are other great blogs but this’ll turn out too long if i tag them all skjhjsjc)

o ka y so i’m tagging @asianphones @jiminyoongs @princeshushu @bfwooz @sept23-2017 @agustdaddy

QUESTIONS:

Which language would you like to speak fluently?

Your childhood crush?

If your life was a song, what would the title be?

Fluff, angst or smut?

Favorite comeback in 2018 so far?

Which kpop lightstick would you want to have? Choose one!

What’s your star sign / zodiac sign?

Do you actually fit into what your star sign describes you as?

In which country would you want to live for the rest of your life?

Do you believe in soulmates?

Squishy cheeks or thicc thighs?

[deniability]

it's five am again

like everything else in my life, i've been overthinking this

i keep expecting to come up with a lengthy, well-crafted essay to satisfy the high standards that i've set up for myself

but i realize i'm just going to keep pushing that off until it falls off the edge of the world and i should probably just start writing and hope for the best

so, here we are: love

i've been thinking (odd i know) about relationships

i'm "excited" about my first relationship, though it doesn't seem like it's bound to happen in the near social distancing future

but also, i'm almost seventeen and nothing's happened yet, at all? and i know, i'm ONLY seventeen, but dude, every second that passes just makes me feel so sorry for whoever ends up dating me

because let's be honest, i have no idea what it's going to be like to be in a relationship. i have no idea who i'm going to be when i'm in a relationship. i like to think that i'll be the caring, loving, understanding, emotionally mature, nondependant, nontoxic kind of partner. but i'm not even that as an individual most days. 

it's taken me many many different best friends along the years to finally kind of master the art of being a friend, and i know i still have a lot to learn down the road

but i started doing the best friend thing when i was 5. i haven't even gotten to my first attempt at a relationship.

i already expect it to be messy and rocky and problematic and to have longlasting effects on my emotional stability and to be filled with SO many mistakes that i have unavoidably yet to make

i know it's part of growing up, but that's kind of also what holds me back, you know? the awareness that my first relationship will by far not be my best, and that i'll most probably hurt someone or get hurt in the process

and this is where the time pressure comes in. i kind of wish i could've taken my chances at a relationship when i was just a few years younger, when everyone was also just beginning to learn from each other's mistakes, when your first love lasting forever was still a possibility

but after being the shoulder to cry on for so many of my friends' first loves and heartbreaks, and also the witness to how much they've grown and matured since then and how much their relationships have benefited from that, it's just-

it's an overwhelming feeling of falling behind. it's like watching everyone else cross the finish line at a marathon together while you're still standing behind the starting line, and you don't even have your shoes on yet

man. i've written so much and i still don't know if i've said what i wanted to say. i'll put the fancy writing aside and just say it

i dread my first relationship. in my head, it's just something i need to get over with before i can grow up

and it sucks because i feel like this realization should've come after said relationship had happened? like, the way it's supposed to go is you fall in love for the first time and you're the happiest you've ever been in your life and you think this feeling is going to last forever but then it doesn't, the relationship is over, and you feel like you might die, and then time heals your wounds and you're left thinking "what the fuck was that" cause now that the joy has washed off you realize that your first relationship was actually toxic and harmful and sooo far from perfect and how did i allow myself to be in that situation for so long? but hey, at least you've learned, right? you've grown and matured and your next relationship is by far improved by all this growth and maturity

but. i already know all of that. i don't have heart-eyed expectations anymore. i already know it's going to be shit. i've ruined the mystery of first love for myself before it even happened.

so now i'm left feeling like my first relationship is nothing but a stepping stone, a crappy free trial that i have to get over with before trying the real thing, and i hate that

i really hate this mentality. i really wish i'll prove myself wrong. in the end, i only have my best friends's experiences and tons of movies and other tumblr textposts to base my expectations on, so hey, who knows? maybe i'm not like other peeps

also i'm like really really sorry for whoever ends up being my romantic debut because clearly, really, i have no idea what i'm doing

anyway, i know i'm overthinking this. but that's nothing new. that's what this whole blog is about!

[cheongryeo]

had to squeeze them all in there somehow