#def gonna keep tracking progress bc that's been helpful i think

[desperatepleasures]

okay I think slow n steady might just be the way to go for me bc I thought I was making such tiny progress (never hit 1000 words on any given day) but my monthly goal was originally 3k and I've passed 6k now with a few days left :0

[setskill]

          hi  everyone  !  i’m  sab  ,  nineteen  ,  nd  using  she  /  her  pronouns  .  super  amped  to  get  to  write  w  u  all  and  introduce  u  to  jiho  who  has  recently  become  a  favorite  muse  of  mine  .  all  his  info  is  under  the  cut  (  i  tried  to  make  it  as  short  as  possible  bc  lord  knows  i  ramble  too  much  )  nd  i’d  def  love  to  plot  w  all  of  u  if  that’s  ur  thing  ,  so  just  hit  that  like  button  nd  i’ll  make  my  way  over  to  u  or  ur  welcome  to  come  to  me  !  d*scord  is  usually  easier  for  me  ,  but  i’m  not  super  keen  on  giving  it  publicly  ,  so  ask  for  it  if  u  want  !

˗ˏˋ    (  hwang  hyunjin.  20.  cismale.  he/him.  )  kang  jiho  is  a  98  liner  +  has  been  at  so!ar  entertainment  for  five  years.  they  are  the  main  rapper,  main  dancer,  &  maknae  in  the  group  zon3.  they  are  known  by  their  fans  to  be  observant,  diligent  +  passionate  but  they  can  also  be  reticent,  candid  +  flighty.  i  hope  that  they  can  make  it  in  this  industry.

          TRIGGER  WARNING  FOR  :  INTERNALIZED  HOMOPHOBIA  ,  RELIGIOUS  THEMES  ,  BODY  IMAGE  ISSUES  ,  &  SELF  ESTEEM  ISSUES  !

background  .

jiho  comes  from  a  dancer’s  home  .  his  mother  &  father  both  professionals  ,  while  one  was  a  ballerina  &  the  other  was  an  idol  .  

from  the  moment  he  was  born  ,  it  was  pretty  much  written  in  the  stars  what  his  life  would  turn  out  to  be  .  starting  to  dance  &  train  for  a  life  to  come  from  the  moment  he  could  walk  .

his  parents  were  relentless  .  never  gave  him  the  time  to  have  a  life  as  a  child  .  it  was  dance  or  nothing  .  there  wasn’t  ever  a  choice  .  

father  hung  up  on  passing  on  his  legacy  ,  mother  hung  up  on  people  remembering  their  name  .  

it  was  all  about  fame  &  appearances  .  never  about  love  or  family  .  they  barely  cared  for  each  other  as  it  was  ,  all  of  it  caught  up  in  their  heads  ,  both  after  what  the  other  could  give  them  material  wise  rather  than  emotion  wise  .

(  so  it  was  no  surprise  there  were  other  people  flowing  in  &  out  of  his  parents’  lives  ,  out  of  their  home  in  the  middle  of  the  night  when  one  was  away  or  the  click  of  the  lock  too  early  in  the  morning  for  it  not  to  be  suspicious  )  .

they  were  strict  .  would  work  him  to  the  bone  from  a  young  age  because  he  was  going  to  be  successful  whether  he  wanted  to  or  not  .

dance  was  his  life  .  never  having  the  chance  to  be  a  kid  ,  he’d  go  to  school  ,  come  home  do  work  ,  then  leave  for  his  mother’s  studio  until  the  early  hours  of  the  morning  .

life  was  lonely  .  kids  would  bully  him  for  dancing  .  make  fun  of  how  scrawny  he  was  .  the  whole  nine  yards  .

didn’t  quite  help  that  his  parents  only  cared  about  his  dancing  &  not  himself  as  a  person  .  they  fought  a  lot  ,  lots  of  yelling  at  each  other  ..  lots  of  yelling  at  him  .

worked  his  ass  off  in  hopes  that  if  he  kept  doing  everything  right  his  parents  would  treat  him  like  their  own  child  &  not  some  robot  they  manufactured  .

they  always  sort  of  saw  him  as  a  failure  .  nothing  he  did  was  right  .

it  was  their  idea  to  have  him  audition  to  an  entertainment  company  .  carry  on  the  family  name  .  make  them  proud  .

he  was  indifferent  .  he  loves  dancing  despite  it  consuming  him  until  he  can’t  breathe  .  without  it  ,  he  would  be  lost  .

went  along  with  it  ,  auditioned  &  right  off  the  bat  at  age  fifteen  ,  he  became  a  trainee  for  solar  .  the  new  up  &  coming  dancer  that  people  needed  to  look  out  for  .

it  was  so  much  pressure  ,  training  has  always  been  hard  ,  but  with  the  new  edition  of  his  whole  life  on  the  line  ,  it  just  got  worse  .  

didn’t  help  his  parents  were  always  breathing  down  his  neck  .  they  were  more  harsh  with  him  than  they’d  ever  been  before  .

had  to  be  perfect  .  had  to  have  the  best  body  ,  had  to  look  perfect  ,  had  to  act  perfect  .

taking  so  long  to  lead  up  to  debut  ,  he  felt  he  wasn’t  good  enough  ,  still  doesn’t  really  think  so  ,  his  parents  don’t  think  so  either  .  

yet  ,  they’re  content  with  him  finally  on  the  road  to  debut  ,  but  they’re  not  satisfied  which  means  this  journey  is  only  going  to  get  worse  .

some  other  tidbits  about  him  :

he’s  bi  …  but  doesn’t  really  want  to  admit  it  to  himself  ,  kinda  doesn’t  really  know  ,  due  to  his  upbringing  ..  thinks  he’s  a  hettie  .

his parents are very religious . old school religious you know ? liking anyone that wasn’t the opposite sex of you just . wasn’t a thing .

he’s  a  sagittarius  .  haven’t  decided  his  full  chart  yet  though  !

definitely  a  secret  romantic  .  can  be  quite  cuddly  when  he’s  comfortable  with  someone  .

likes  to  reflect  a  lot  ,  he’s  very  ,  very  hard  on  himself  &  never  thinks  anything  he  does  is  perfect  ,  so  he  keeps  journals  &  tracks  his  progress  &  has  been  doing  that  since  he  was  young  .

practices  way  too  fucking  much  .  like  he’ll  be  up  until  the  sun  rises  bc  he  needs  to  make  sure  he’s  succeeding  .

struggles with a lot of self-esteem issues & body images issues . it doesn’t help the sexier concept of his group that he has to flaunt himself .

struggles a lot with his sexuality .

personality  .

jiho  is  very  closed  off  .  doesn’t  necessarily  know  how  to  make  friends  ?

but  he’s  a  sweetheart  ?  he’s  not  overly  rude  ,  he’s  just  kind  of  blunt  ?  isn’t  gonna  say  more  than  he  has  to  .

he’s  kinda  drawn  back  .  not  super  touchy  or  affectionate  unless  he’s  comfortable  &  knows  u  well  .

more  into  superficial  relationships  bc  that’s  all  he’s  had  his  whole  life  .

he’s  very  determined  &  won’t  let  anything  get  in  the  way  .

can  be  quite  impressionable  ?  especially  bc  of  his  parents  .  he’s  a  little  lost  in  life  ,  but  won’t  let  anyone  know  he  has  to  be  Perfect  .

kinda  flighty  .  scared  of  committing  to  anything  besides  dance  as  it’s  been  his  whole  life  &  when  it’s  not  it’s  uncharted  territory  .

likes  to  observe  a  lot  ,  can  be  a  bit  of  an  ass  &  critique  ppl  but  he  means  well  .

most  people  think  he’s  an  asshole  because  of  his  stage  persona  and  that  he’s  quieter  ,  more  reserved  .  has  embodied  that  a  little  bit  .  be  what  you’re  told  to  be  .

is a bit of a pessimist .

doesn’t  believe  in  love  !  is  terrified  of  it  !  because  his  parents  never  taught  him  what  love  was  or  given  him  any  .  plus  he’s  scared  from  his  parents  relationship  .

just  give  him  love  &  support  &  affection  &  he  will  end  up  really  liking  u  .

he’s  definitely  very  supportive  when  he  wants  to  be  &  he  cares  abt  u  !

wanted  plots  .

dance  partner  ,  give  him  someone  who  he’s  been  training  with  for  years  ,  someone  that  helps  him  be  his  best  &  he  helps  them  be  their  best  .

an  ex-girlfriend  would  be  fun  !  some  juicy  ,  angsty  shit  ..  jiho’s  whole  life  is  dance  &  giving  it  up  for  love  ?  something  he  wouldn’t  have  done  .

maybe  ..  a  boy  he’s  sort  of  secretly  had  a  crush  on  ,  but  has  never  wanted  to  label  it  as  that  .  he’s  like  a  lil  puppy  ,  just  infatuated  with  them  .

while  jiho  isn’t  the  best  at  making  connections  ,  a  best  friend  for  him  would  be  nice  ?  someone  he’s  managed  to  actually  connect  w  &  get  to  know  on  a  deeper  level  .

knowing  each  other  in  their  childhood  is  possible  ?  if  they’re  a  dancer  ,  they  could  have  attended  jiho’s  parents’  studio  &  whatever  comes  from  that  ,  whether  they  liked  each  other  or  there  was  some  animosity  idk  ..  totally  up  for  whatever  !  

a  good  old  fashioned  rival  would  be  fun  ,  someone  that  just  grinds  his  gears  &  they’re  always  at  each  other’s  throats  .  lots  of  bickering  ,  lots  of  tension  .

someone  pls  have  a  little  crush  on  him  i’m  begging  ..

pls  .  give  him  an  older  sibling  figure  ..  or  someone  that  takes  care  of  him  &  he  does  his  best  to  do  the  same  .  has  probably  seen  him  at  his  worst  ..  just  smth  precious  &  sweet  .

honestly  !  anything  else  ,  i’m  open  tbh  .

[lesbrarians]

Ah! Thank you~! I just noticed that you have a word count meter on your blog's front page and underneath is a link to a site called Pacemaker. I was just wondering what are your thoughts on those tools? I've never heard of them before. Oh yeah, and I also heard you mention "Word Sprints" in the past too and I couldn't help but wonder what those were and if you find them helpful? Also- sorry for the mini-avalanche of questions *haha

Ahhh yes these are great questions! I hope you don’t mind if I answer these publicly? Just bc I think they’re general enough to benefit anyone! Let me know if you want me to take it down tho, you know I love talking about this kind of stuff privately too

My Pacemaker has kind of fallen to the wayside, but I’m gonna make a new one for May and try to stick to it. Basically, you give yourself a wordcount goal for the month and pick a strategy of how you want to approach it (same word count each day, start small finish strong, etc etc). At the end of the day, you log however much you’ve written, then you can check your expected progress, how much progress you’ve actually made, and what you have left to do. You can reserve free days too, in case you miss a day or something like that. I personally really like it bc it helps me to have a daily word count goal, even if it’s just a couple hundred words. And there have been days where I’ve written nothing, then the next day I wrote twice the word count and got back on track. You can also make it so it recalculates your word count goal based on what you’ve actually written each day. If you like planning and the satisfaction of setting and reaching goals, I’d defs give it a shot. You can find that here: https://pacemaker.press/

The word count meter was an attempt for me to motivate me by putting my progress out there so I’d be motivated to meet my goal to avoid public failure but it didn’t really work bc a. I kept forgetting to update it and b. No one really cared anyway haha. But if you like seeing a visual representation of how far you are to your goal, it’s a cool thing to do! I’m at work rn so I don’t have the link off the top of my head, but I can find it when I get home if you like!

Word Sprints are SO helpful for me personally, and I definitely need to do them more. I learned about them from @roseymoseyberry this past NaNo and those sprints honestly helped me through it so much. They’re done through this website here: https://www.mywriteclub.com/beta/word-sprints#/ Basically, you make an account, and then you can join a sprint, either globally (which I’ve never done, I actually prefer to do it with friends in small groups, it’s easier when I know who I’m working with and can silently cheer them on! And also less intimidating) or custom, where you can make/join your own private small group. And then you just pick a project and... write right in your browser. It’ll autosave everything you type in case you accidentally close out of the window, and for added security, you can link it to your Dropbox so it’ll save it there too -- so if something terrible happens and you lose your entire computer before you can save your work, you can access it on there. But the basic concept of it is that as you write, you can see your word count go up in a bar on the side. For every 100 words you get a star -- and you can see your friends’ word counts go up too. You can’t see what they’re writing, but you can see their numbers tick up, and god, it is such a motivator for me bc then it’s like ahhh they’re getting so much further ahead, or they’re catching up to me, gotta go go go! And it’s a sprint bc it’s 25 minutes long. At the end of the 25 minutes, you can see your final wordcount and everyone else’s final wordcounts. Then you have five minutes before the next sprint starts where you can stop writing if you’re done, or copy and paste to your work document and clear everything for the next sprint, or keep writing if you’re on a roll (altho your word count won’t go up if you write in the five minute break window). It forces you to just get the words out on the page and not think too hard about it. I usually get between 300-700 words done in 25 minutes, and sometimes I barely even need to edit it afterwards. I defs need to do another sprint soon so I can get out of this rut... I might do one this weekend, and if I do, I’ll be sure to link so you can feel free to join if you like!