#definingmyownkindofsuccess

[ieatmybroccoli]

Fields of Gold: My own kind of success

I find myself in an interesting position. I know what brings me joy- what kind of life I aspire to create. My own definition of success, of a life well lived.

A simple life- well, as simple as life can be. Spending more time away from my laptop and phone. Actively focusing on living in the moment. Being part of a creative, loving, compassionate community. Traveling. Practicing kindness. Finding meaningful work allowing me to live in a cozy little home with a long term partner. 

And I want to fill this home with the people we love- hosting potlucks, game nights, evenings spent around a fire pit, and Sunday lunches with family and friends. A home that is always open and ready to receive guests. A place where people are coming together and connecting like we used to.

Can you tell I come from a large family?!

This is the legacy I want to leave behind. This is what fulfills me. Not money. Not a fancy house or closet full of designer clothes. But spending time and making memories with those I love. 

However, this idea is in conflict with the idea of success I grew up with. I’m still struggling to shed the old to fully embrace the new. Everywhere I look, I see it’s about the hustle. Sacrificing time for money. Working your ass off to create an extraordinary life.

There’s nothing wrong with being wealthy or wanting an extraordinary life. We all have different wants and needs-  it’s the beauty of the human condition. 

But what’s so wrong with wanting the quiet life where you enjoy laying in a hammock on a beautiful spring day? And why do we accept the belief you have to be rich to be extraordinary?! Frankly, some of the most interesting people I have met are just like you and me. 

Despite knowing this, even as I type, I feel I should be doing more. That I need to use this spare time and focus super intensely on learning more new skills/new apps that will help me find a job faster. That I should feel guilty because I’m not out there working like everyone else and I’m still not living in my own apartment. That there are so many things I could be doing for productivity’s sake...but I’m not.

After I finish letting my old ideas of success guilt trip me, along with all of the shoulds and coulds swirling around in my head, I remind myself how I’m not sitting around idly every day, all day. I want to work- I’m still applying for jobs. In fact, I think my cover letter game has been upped tremendously. My bills are being paid. I’m working on projects I enjoy. I’m taking daytrips to feed my soul while also exploring my home state.

And most importantly, I’m using this time to become more of who I want to be. Even with things as they are right now, I am still able to find joy. Maybe that, in itself, is its own small form of success.