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theshreedhar · 9 years

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Denial of Existence.

I took the food from the counter and proceeded toward finding a nice corner place for myself. I like the lonesome corner. It makes me feel safe.. like an unwatched observer.

As I made my way toward my seat I desired, I saw a group of people sharing a table. And the mess had plenty of other places where they could seat themselves.

There was something about being alone that people could not appreciate. They preferred sitting physically along with someone even though deep inside they could not care less for them. I could never get this behaviour. While trying to gain someone else's company, they inevitably ended up losing their own.

As I found a place in the far corner of the rectangular room which we called the mess, I heaved a sigh of relief and sat down to eat.

But then there was disaster approaching. Why was she walking toward me? Were her friends around? No. God, she's alone. Maybe she's one of the guys who avoid sitting alone as long as they can help it. Damn.

"Hey! Would you mind if I sat here?", she asked.

"Of course."

She smiled and made herself comfortable. Language is a wonderful tool of communication. I wonder why people don't use it the way they should. Technically, I had said 'of course, I would mind.' She sat down anyway.

And now was the difficult bit. I was deep in thought about random hypothetical situations that I was recreating in my mind. 'Here we go', I told myself, as I sensed her trying to make conversation.

"Why do you, um, always sit alone in the corner here?"

"It helps me think. I get to know myself better."

"Oh, nice. You know I need my alone time too, every now and then."

I don't need my alone time every now and then. I need it now and again. Every time.

"What were you thinking about, anyway?".

Nothing that would concern you.

"Oh just something about whether it would be possible for a person to deny his own existence."

"Well, uh, care to elaborate just a wee bit more?"

No, I don't care to elaborate. I was pretty eloquent the first time.

"Sure. What if a person awoke one day, and simply denied his own previous existence? He claimed that he had never existed before that day. However, people remembered him from what was supposedly his work, as also the people who claimed to be friends and family, remembered him."

"Oh, wow. Why not just look around for ID, or photographs? Or Google. Something that might remind him of his past, which was so obviously forgotten by him for some reason or another."

"That is what. There is no ID. It has seemingly all disappeared overnight. At least that's what everyone else thinks. Our guy simply claims to never have existed. And people who haven't existed won't have identification lying around."

"So here we have a guy, who is remembered by everyone. However he claims to have not existed before the day in question. There are no photographs or any sort of identification that can confirm his existence, not with them, not with the government. Doesn't that seem a bit far fetched? Obviously if there is nothing, the small group of people are lying and he must surely be someone new?"

"So you are ready to believe that a person came into existence from naught, but not that the person somehow did away with all proof of his existence, which is difficult, but possible, nevertheless."

That got her thinking. She thought for a minute, shook her head, and took a sip of water from her half filled glass.

She said, "This makes me think, what is existence, at all? Did the guy not exist because he didn't remember his past, and there was no evidence in the form of photographs or writing? There still may have been enough evidence, but might simply be inaccessible. However, the people still did remember him. But that didn't suffice in proving his past existence."

"You're absolutely right. And that's why I sit alone in this corner every meal", I said.

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"To exist. Getting to know myself better is essential for me to exist."

For a second, she looked at me like I was crazy. Then she looked directly into my eyes, and smiled.

We ate our lunch quietly, washed our plates and walked out together, without saying a word.

Then she asked, "Mind a glass of watermelon juice?".

"Of course", I replied, as we walked together toward the juice stall.

#short story #denialofexistence #philosophy

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