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dessiesposts · 4 months

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Make you feel my love pt. 2 (remastered)

A/N: Hey y'all sorry for the late updates a lot has happened. I wasn't happy with the last chapter so it was rewritten. I def prefer this version better. I look forward to releasing part 3 soon! Hope y'all enjoy! Thank you all for the insane love you have been giving the story!

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6 years, 9 months and 15 days before…

The room was quiet. You and Ellie laid in her bed giggling at another stupid pun. You ended up snorting at her jokes which only egged Ellie on more. When she looked at you it felt like the world was only you two. You felt like the sun revolved for her. She looked so pretty when she laughed, it always made you giddy. You liked her so bad it hurt. You were so scared to tell her, you knew Ellie liked girls but you grew up with her. She saw every version of you, and she loved every version of you.

You would constantly doubt the girl’s affection for you. You somehow always chalked it up to your friendship bond. There’s no way Ellie could look at you like that. She always followed around other girls but not someone like you. You hated the way your skin started to feel tight. You felt so ashamed of it. You wanted to peel it away and start fresh, to be someone prettier for Ellie. You wanted her to look at you like she did with the other girls so badly. But, she was already looking at you. She was always looking at you.

“Angel” Ellie cooed her hand on your cheek felt hot. Your breath quickened. You felt warm. You were too nervous to look into her eyes. You were afraid of what she would see. You just nodded in response. It was hard to look in her eyes during these moments. You felt like if she looked in your eyes she would see everything. You always felt bare under her gaze.

“You know I can always tell when you’re thinking all crazy” she moved close, almost too close. Your eyes widened as you looked up at her. She laughed at your face, she loved your eyes. You were so adorable she thought. She loved the way you looked up at her. She just loved it when you looked at her.

“Yeah angel. Mind telling me what’s going on hm?” she asked softly. I’m in love with you, that's what’s going on. Instead you shook your head. She scooted closer. Suddenly the energy started to shift.

‘I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t go away once I say it. You have to promise angel. Please promise.” she said with need. Her breathing got deeper as she watched you.

“Ok Els, I promise to never leave.” you whispered. It felt like just saying it was too loud, like it would ruin this moment. You held your pinky out to reassure her. She locked fingers with you paying extra attention to your lips as you sealed it with a kiss to your hand.

“I- I um, fuck” she stuttered. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She wanted to tell you so fucking bad. She was so scared. She had a crush ever since she saw you move in next door. She remembers begging Joel to take her to go say hi. She remembers your pretty hair all done up in two braids. She remembers following you around every day after that, completely starstruck. You’ve had her hooked since day one. She’s practically gone insane for you. There was only so long before she exploded. Maybe that’s why she needed to tell you now before her heart exploded out of her chest. She needed you to be her girl. She needed you.

You looked at her. Her eyes just stared right into yours. Her eyes flickered down to your lips. She bet they tasted like cherries. Fuck. She wanted to kiss you so bad. You saw her staring and practically whined. You were hopeless. You needed her. She needed you. You both needed this so bad.

Before you knew it, the space between you two became so small you could feel each other’s breath. You pulled away too scared to go any further. You quickly sat up. It was too much. Ellie sat up, she was pushing down her disappointment.

“Let’s go bug Jesse and Dina yeah?’ She asked quickly standing to go grab her converse. You smiled nodding. It was always nice to have a distraction.

2 days 6 hours and 36 minutes after…

Ellie felt the air leave her lungs. You don’t remember her. You don’t remember anything. She had to swallow back tears. She took too deep of a breath.

“I’m Ellie. Ellie Miller. I’m your girlfriend.” she said awkwardly. She hated this. There was an awkward silence that seemed to swallow the room. Only the soft beeping of the machine brought Ellie a consistent comfort. She grabbed the cup of water next to her, swallowing roughly. Her fingers toyed with the frayed edges of the old flannel.

You just nodded. Ellie brought you a sense of comfort although it felt misplaced, maybe even a little forced. She looked like a kicked puppy standing in front of your hospital bed. You felt a twinge of guilt looking at her. Something deep in your soul wanted to comfort her yet you stopped yourself. It felt too soon for that. It wouldn’t be authentic. You did the next best thing.

“Do you want to sit down?” You gave her an awkward smile attempting to smooth over the tension. It hung thick in the air. Ellie sat down just looking at the floor, silently counting the tile. She wanted to avoid your gaze, it burned her skin. You wanted to look at her. You wanted to stare into her eyes and find the answer to this mess, to yourself. You needed more than the cliffnotes of your life. Your heart is beating fast.

“So we were dating?”you asked almost sarcastically. Of course you were, the girl just told you.

“Yeah.” Ellie nodded, still not looking your way. She wanted to leave. She needed a drink.

“How long have we been dating for?” you asked curiously. You needed more. She needed more.

“About four years.” she responded dryly, rolling her eyes. She found herself pissed at the situation. She wished she could laugh at this moment. Here she was with the girl she was planning to marry who now could not remember her or anything for the past 19 years.

You pressed your lips in a tight line. You understood her anger, you felt it yourself. You knew this was hard for her. You looked at her with such a pitiful look, she hated that. She didn’t want pity, that’s all she’s been getting. She wanted her girl but life wanted to laugh at her. She knew that the irony of the situation couldn’t get better. She saw how everyone looked at her. Even her own sister, Sarah could barely look at her. Ellie knew she wasn’t handling the situation as well or maturely. The flask in her pocket ensured that. Her hair was disheveled, she looked like she hadn’t slept in days. She looked empty. You wished you could help her. You wished you could give her an ounce of hope. But the truth is that the girl in front of you was a stranger. You didn’t feel anything for her.

“I’m sorry” you apologized. You looked down ashamed. Ellie just nodded and stood up.

“ Me too” she said before she walked out of the room before she could cry in front of you. She felt pathetic.

1 year and 3 months and 6 days before…

Ellie stared straight ahead. She felt frozen. Everyone came up to her, Sarah and Tommy giving their condolences. She nodded curtly and quietly said thank you as she shook their hands. She couldn’t feel anything. Time was passing and she was stuck.

The ceremony was tame. It wasn’t much but it was enough for Joel. She knew he would have liked for it to be simple. She let Sarah handle most of it, she just didn’t have the stomach for it. Plus Sarah had better taste. Yet, in this moment she wanted nothing more than to curl under a mountain of blanket and drink her sorrow away,

The guilt in Ellie ate her up. She wished she was stronger. She wished she had more courage to face this. But, this was the scariest thing for Ellie. The man who she grew to rely on was gone. He was always there to hold her hand, to guide Ellie on her path, to keep her in the light. He helped her endure and survive. But, he was gone. He left Ellie alone, she had to fight her own battles now. She had to look for the light. Ellie bit the inside of her cheeks hoping to stifle any sobs coming from her mouth. She didn’t want the attention, the babying, she didn’t want any of this.

Ellie looked down at her beat up converse carefully examining them as the preacher spoke. The casket only a few feet away from Ellie felt too real. She was terrified of looking at it. If she looked at it then it was real, then Joel was really gone. She opted to look at everything but the casket. The preacher seemed miles away as he went on about heaven. Sarah wanted a preacher, she practically insisted on the entire ceremony whereas Ellie and Tommy would have preferred a much more low-key service. It was still nice.

“Now we call on Joel’s youngest daughter, Ellie to speak”

Ellie’s eyes shot up wide, suddenly snapped out of her trance. She forgot that she had to speak. Sarah had requested that each one speak on Joel’s behalf. Her mouth ran dry. Ellie had spent the week trying to write about Joel, looking for the right words to say yet whenever she wrote anything it ended up crumpled up in the trash.

She stood up and approached the podium, the preacher giving her a kind smile of reassurance. As she turned, her eyes caught a glimpse of the casket. It was now in her direct line of vision.She couldn’t ignore this. Her eyes watered. She could always be the loudest smart ass yet here she was speechless. The eyes of the church only added salt to the wound. Ellie tried to speak yet the words seemed to be caught in her throat. She couldn’t stop staring at the casket. It felt taunting.

You saw Ellie struggling, you silently stood up and walked towards her, meeting at the podium. You smiled small, “I’ve got you” you whispered. Ellie looked at you wide with tears overflowing. She just nodded. She laid her head on your shoulder sobbing as you began to read her speech. The memories of Joel consumed Ellie both good and bad. Memories flashed in her mind, some so fast she could barely process. She remembers when he told her that they got approved for adoption. The pure joy on both of their faces. They walked hand in hand to the comic book store, a gift to welcome her officially into the Miller family. By the time you finished Ellie’s words you were sharing tears with Ellie as you guided her back to her seat. She refused to let go of your hand. You didn’t mind though. You both clung to each other.

You both sat on the cool oak bench holding hands. Even once the ceremony was over, the church empty, you both sat there staring at the casket, The silence all consuming. You wondered if you would ever get your Ellie back, or if she died with Joel. The two of you sat there.

“Always?” she whispered softly.

“Always.” you confirmed.

7 months and 13 days before…

You heard loud bangs coming from your living room. You carefully got up grabbing the bat you and Ellie kept by your dresser. Your chest filled with anxiety, your mind racing with the possibility of a stranger being in your home.

Slowly you made your way down the hall to find a very drunk Ellie stumbling in the dark. You sighed as you slipped the switch on the wall halting Ellie’s movements. She bashfully turned around to a very pissed off you.

“H-Hey Angel” she hiccuped. You rolled your eyes agitated.

“Again Ellie, it’s 2 in the morning.” you said annoyed.

“I just grabbed a drink with Cat after work babe, no big deal.” she nonchalantly said. No big deal my ass. This is the fourth time this week.

You huffed. “I’m tired of you drinking like this all the time Ellie. It’s not good” You looked at the girl in front of you. She looked like the girl you fell in love with but she wasn’t.

“You can’t keep doing this Els. I know you’re still upset about -” you were cut off rather rudely by Ellie.

“Don’t” she said. Her moods changed so quickly it almost gave you whiplash.

You looked at her with sympathy. It was no secret that she was struggling. You just wished she would talk to you. You felt her pulling away more and more.

“Baby” you softly lulled. You began to walk towards her. Cautiously you put a hand on her cheek, cupping her face. You looked into her eyes trying to find her. You so badly wanted to find her.

“I’m here for you bubs. Don’t shut me out.” you whispered. Ellie’s tough exterior began to melt. She found your eyes. She was with you at that moment. She was carrying so much pain.

“I miss him too” your voice wavered. Ellie began to cry as she pulled you close nuzzling into your neck.

You held her close as she cried. Her sobs ripped through your heart.

You were scared a piece of her died with Joel.

4 days, 3 hours and 14 minutes after…

Ellie entered your shared apartment. It felt cold.

She walked towards your couch and sat. She could smell your perfume on the blankets. She gripped them tightly as she cried.

She lost another person.

4 days, 5 hours and 25 minutes after…

You were scrolling through your photo album. You came across a video of Ellie throwing you into a lake.

You both were squealing and laughing. She looked so happy as she held you close before jumping in. You smiled.

You wanted that person. You felt guilty that you didn’t miss her.

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