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englishstrawbie · 1 year

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Prompted by @devonofnine - “you’re worthy of my love” - thank you!

>>>>>

Maya paces up and down outside Carina’s hotel room, absentmindedly wringing her hands together. She bites down into her bottom lip and lets out a long, nervous exhale.

She should be excited. Just twelve hours ago, Carina had told her that she wanted to fix their marriage and agreed to go on a date with her. Maya should be making plans to sweep her wife off her feet, instead of lingering in a hotel corridor like an idiot. But, as happy as she is at the big step forward they took last night, her mind is stuck one thing.

She made a vow to Carina yesterday to rebuild their foundations, to make their relationship stronger than it ever has been. How can they do that, when there is one thing – one big thing – that Maya needs her to know? A thing that might rock their foundations beyond repair.

Maya has been thinking about it all night, barely sleeping as she had stared up at the ceiling above her bunk. Old Maya – the Maya before her accident – would have buried it and kept it a secret, telling herself that it is better than Carina doesn’t know. But she isn’t that Maya anymore and she owes it to Carina, and their marriage, to be honest with her from the beginning – otherwise she has no hope of winning her back.

She takes a deep breath and knocks three times, willing her heart to stop beating so fast as she waits for the door to open.

Carina is surprised to see her.

“Maya! What are you doing here?”

“I… can I come in?”

Carina shoots her a curious glance and steps back, opening the door wider to invite Maya into her room. Despite the distance that has grown between them, she can sense that there is something weighing on Maya’s mind.

“Is everything okay, bambina?”

Maya smiles at the nickname, a familiar term of endearment that she wasn’t sure she would hear again. She looks around at the hotel room. She wishes every day that Carina was at home with her, safe and happy in their apartment.

“Maya?”

“I, uh, I need to tell you something,” Maya says. She looks bravely into Carina’s eyes. “Something that I don’t think you’re going to like hearing.”

She sees fear and confusion on Carina’s face, sees her body tense, and guilt courses through her again.

“When I was… before I…” She sighs. “After Beckett told you and everyone else about the blackmail, I was pissed and I wanted to hurt him. So I bought him a bottle of whisky and took it to him. I left it in his office, knowing that it would tempt him. I wanted him to be tempted.”

Carina doesn’t say anything and Maya can’t read her.

"I don’t know what happened next with Beckett, because I was so far into my own head that I didn’t care. But he was probably drunk that day at the training exercise when Cooper died and, while I know that it wasn’t my fault, I know that my actions contributed to it.”

She looks away from Carina at that point, blinking back the tears that pool in the corner of her eyes, and takes another deep breath.

“I thought you should know,” Maya continues. “You deserve the truth before you go on a date with me. In case…”

She trails off, too scared to finish her sentence.

“In case I decide that I don’t want to save our marriage after all?” Carina finally speaks.

Maya looks back at her and nods.

“You should know everything before you jump back in.”

“Maya,” Carina says softly, stepping forwards. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in.”

She reaches out to brush Maya’s hair out of her face, curling it behind her ear. Maya closes her eyes at her touch, tilting her head into her hand.

“And you’re right, I don’t like what you just told me. But I’m glad you did. And it doesn’t change anything about what I said yesterday.”

Maya shakes her head, dropping her eyes. “I did something terrible.”

“Maya… my love, look at me,” Carina says. She waits until Maya lifts her eyes. “You were sick and, yes, you did something terrible – and you’re sorry about it. I could see that before you even told me about what happened. Tell me, bambina, would you do it again?”

“No!” Maya says without hesitation. “Of course not.”

Carina smiles. “Then that’s all I need to know.”

“But I keep doing things that make it hard to love me. What if…?”

“Maya, I will never stop loving you,” Carina tries to allay her fears. “If I’ve learned anything these last few months, it’s that I love you completely. And what you need to learn is that, even in your darkest days, you are worthy of patience and forgiveness.” She lifts her hand and runs it over Maya’s cheek, wiping away the tears that fall. “And you’re worthy of my love.”

Maya forgets to breathe for a moment as she wonders if Carina is about to kiss her, but instead she slides her hand around Maya’s shoulders, pulling her close and hugging her. Maya buries her face into Carina’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo.

“I love you,” she murmurs.

Carina doesn’t say it back, but Maya feels her embrace tighten and she allows herself to be held for a moment.

“So,” Carina says when they pull back. “Where are you taking me on our date?”

“Can I take you out to lunch today?” Maya asks.

Carina scrunches her nose. “I’m working today. How about tomorrow?”

“I’ll be on shift,” Maya says. She feels impatient and doesn’t want to wait too long before she sees Carina again. “Why don’t you come by for dinner? Andy wants us to do something nice for Theo while he’s acting captain – and you know the team always loves to see you.”

“Okay,” Carina says with a small smile. “How about I bring cannoli for dessert?”

Maya returns her smile, the guilt that has been weighing down on her washed away as relief floods her body. “Sounds perfect.”

Romantic moment prompts

#station 19 #maya bishop #carina deluca #station 19 fanfiction #my fanfiction #romantic moment prompts #devonofnine

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