#didn't ask for your prayers and this is honestly the exact reason I don't like people praying for me

[medicinemane]

.

[tobeapanda]

God.

Every time I went to a temple, I used to wish for something. "Good marks", "Good rank", "Let me play basketball a little better", and so on and so forth. I used to show reverence to the Gods my family frequently prayed to, and would plead for many things. I would beg them in my mind. Tell them how much I wanted it. Tell them how grateful I would be to them (and I was).

But I noticed a couple years later that all that I had asked for, thinking, at that point in life that it would be soooo important for me to get those things, well, they just don't exist in my life anymore. Well, they do to an extent. I have been blessed to say the least. And I'm not going to go off on one of those 'Nothing is as important as you think.. Life is huge.' tangents. Sometimes you think th World will end if you don't get something and that feeling's valid. You're human. Of course you hold things that you value more than anything else.

Anyways coming back to my point, I noticed that these things I wished for, what I actually experienced turned out to be better suited for me.

For example, I spent the first semester in college playing basketball randomly. It was fun.

One day, just to cheer some of my friends up, I had to step into the indoor volleyball court in our college. Well, it's a slight overstatement, but I haven't left that court since. I absolutely loved it. I felt like I was meant for this sport. Of course I wasn't good at it in the least. I still am not. Never made college teams etc. I just loved (and still do love) the sport.

When I went to the temple sometime after that I found myself wishing "Let me play volleyball a little better."

It then dawned on me. I had literally prayed this exact prayer for a different sport a couple months back. Now I could care less about it.

My thoughts immediately went to how ungrateful I was being. How I was treating God like an ATM of wishes. You just wish something, offer platitudes, and leave.

Another thought struck me while I was spiraling. I honestly never knew that I would love volleyball to this level. I used to honestly believe that basketball was THE sport for me etc. And it was such a huge blessing that I did discover volleyball.

Ever since then, every time I visit a temple, I just thank God, and I entrust them with my future. They're gonna do what they do, and I'm gonna go through life as I do. All I know is it's gonna turn out better than expected.

I don't mean to ascribe ALL reasons for marks, ranks, sports etc to God. Nor do I mean to preach about how you should leave everything to them and they would take care. Just do what ya do bro, but don't go begging for wishes. Don't go bargaining for things. Go through life on your will. It's gonna be okay. And be thankful once in a while. That's all there is. The rest is just facades over facades.

Imaginary segue into the following unrelated anecdote

A few years ago, I found this really dull knife which had a handle made by wrapping tape around the metal bits repeatedly. I started playing with it (obviously) and since it was quite blunt, didn't get in any harm in the first 2 hours of playing with it.

I was 16.

I ran to my mother and claimed that I had now founded a religion. This knife was my God. He was called "Katthi Saamy" (literally, Knife God, yeah, I wasn't really creative). He was originally the God of all weapons, but then evolved into the God of all tools and machinery as mankind evolved to learn to use stuff to not just stab one other.

I might not have wholeheartedly believed in this and worshiped the knife as a god, but it did help me create a backstory. And I did bond with the knife. It's still beside me right now. Because I knew no matter how much I played with it, it wouldn't harm me. (Although that doesn't stop me from being careful.)

I didn't actually believe that this knife was the form of the God of all tools who had come to me because I was special. But this was just a cover story to establish a connection with the knife I guess (God I was lonely. No the irony of the previous sentence is not lost on me).