#dir just wants to find his Home and his Person T_T

[soulventure91]

im kicking the door down for 🍋🍐and 💙 for the diric lore

oh god Diric lore from the jumbo asks oh boy oh BOY -|

🍋 Does your OC act petty and jealous easily? What sort of things make them feel like this and do they experience guilt for getting so worked up? How do they deal with these emotions when they get them? If your OC doesn’t feel like this often, why not? Okay SO. We know the answer to the first is relatively yes - the why is a bit tricky. Diric's jealousy often derives from seeing someone he cares about (and we're talking like. Devoted levels of caring, like to the level of only-missing-a-ring-and-vows, which is. a problem for him.) interacting with someone else Dir probably doesn't know as well or doesn't feel secure in himself to be around - and getting on with equal or greater ease that Dir usually feels when interacting with the person he's given his heart to. This is why he had to have a couple clarifying talks with Alar when Alar made his initial arrival because man did Alar rub Diric wrong those first few weeks ^^; To be honest if they talked some more, especially because Alar is the last of three party members with direct divine communication he hasn't talked to about his therapy, I think Diric would find a lot of respect and admiration for Alar. Probably he wouldn't reach the same levels of devoted but Diric would be more in line with figuring out maneuvers with Alar in mind like he has with Maahes. Diric absolutely has to be called out on his jealousy if it's spotted; otherwise he's going to sit on it and end up saying something really stupid as his invasive thoughts start going off. He'd be more guilty about what's said in that case, but not over the feelings that triggered the outburst. With his therapy stint, another thing he gets to work on is not getting jealous in general - doesn't help that he and Mio are still figuring out how to patch things up and Diric still has a severe case of heartbreak to parse through - which is part of why Diric still has self-isolating moments at present and also giving Maahes any space he might need (partly in the hopes Mio would come to him if he needed to vent - though overhearing Mio opening up to the others somewhat, while a good healthy move for Mio that Dir does, in his psyche, understand, makes Dir question exactly how much Mio does trust him - look, invasive thought spiral ay). To be honest Dir should not be self-isolating. Someone please just sit next to him.

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making! Motive number one for any choice Diric makes: does this help me better protect those I care about? Protecting others is the focus of his mindset, period. To Diric's mind, if he can't protect the people he loves - even if those people are more than capable of protecting themselves! - that's a failure on himself. Combat encounters where he lags behind the others and is either put in danger or unable to get in a swipe before the party wipes out the enemy? He's failed. Trying to advise or be a listening ear but getting chided for doing that? He's failed. Venting his thoughts or trying to explain the weird broken bits of his brain and not feeling like he's been understood? Failed. It's very negative, not healthy, and why one part of his new promises to Bahamut includes the caveat of not at the expense of myself when it comes to extending himself protectively. Usually, motive two is the more selfish one: can I become stronger doing this? It was this motivation that spurred him into Blackthorn and then the Underdark. If Diric could look at Blackthorn and say 'no, being there again wouldn't help me or anyone', he wouldn't have pressed going. But because it put to rest some of his issues and he was able to grow personally and protect the party, overall Diric's choice was always going to be yes, return to Blackthorn. Even if he hated every second of it. But he'll refuse to go back unless Aislinn herself asks for him.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams? This poor little boy all alone in his room surrounded by toy weapons and the equivalent of comic books and action figures only ever had one dream: to be important to someone and be recognized for himself. All he could dream of was being a soldier like Malarnur Duskblade and one day being strong enough to fight alongside him. Obviously Dir did get his wish of becoming a soldier, but when you're put in the unit of social outcasts and expected to die...yeah. Add on completely wrecking your first command operation and there was no way Diric was ever going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with his childhood hero. Which came true for the most part since Diric killed the pit fiend possessing said childhood hero! But I think by that point he didn't...want the hero's celebration he'd once dreamed about. Which is part of why he doesn't want to ever go back to Blackthorn, even with now being fully Drow. He was there as an outsider, not as someone that earned his place. I think part of Diric still has that dream of mattering to someone; it's why he devoted himself so much to Mio, why part of him is so certain he'll find somewhere that wants him. Because if he knows the where, the who should come naturally. But if he can't find the where or the who, that could break Diric entirely. This little boy's dream is all he really has left holding his heart together.