#TEARS IN MY EYES BEFORE I GO TO BED WITH THAT LAST ONE AJ

[soulventure91]

im kicking the door down for 🍋🍐and 💙 for the diric lore

oh god Diric lore from the jumbo asks oh boy oh BOY -|

🍋 Does your OC act petty and jealous easily? What sort of things make them feel like this and do they experience guilt for getting so worked up? How do they deal with these emotions when they get them? If your OC doesn’t feel like this often, why not? Okay SO. We know the answer to the first is relatively yes - the why is a bit tricky. Diric's jealousy often derives from seeing someone he cares about (and we're talking like. Devoted levels of caring, like to the level of only-missing-a-ring-and-vows, which is. a problem for him.) interacting with someone else Dir probably doesn't know as well or doesn't feel secure in himself to be around - and getting on with equal or greater ease that Dir usually feels when interacting with the person he's given his heart to. This is why he had to have a couple clarifying talks with Alar when Alar made his initial arrival because man did Alar rub Diric wrong those first few weeks ^^; To be honest if they talked some more, especially because Alar is the last of three party members with direct divine communication he hasn't talked to about his therapy, I think Diric would find a lot of respect and admiration for Alar. Probably he wouldn't reach the same levels of devoted but Diric would be more in line with figuring out maneuvers with Alar in mind like he has with Maahes. Diric absolutely has to be called out on his jealousy if it's spotted; otherwise he's going to sit on it and end up saying something really stupid as his invasive thoughts start going off. He'd be more guilty about what's said in that case, but not over the feelings that triggered the outburst. With his therapy stint, another thing he gets to work on is not getting jealous in general - doesn't help that he and Mio are still figuring out how to patch things up and Diric still has a severe case of heartbreak to parse through - which is part of why Diric still has self-isolating moments at present and also giving Maahes any space he might need (partly in the hopes Mio would come to him if he needed to vent - though overhearing Mio opening up to the others somewhat, while a good healthy move for Mio that Dir does, in his psyche, understand, makes Dir question exactly how much Mio does trust him - look, invasive thought spiral ay). To be honest Dir should not be self-isolating. Someone please just sit next to him.

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making! Motive number one for any choice Diric makes: does this help me better protect those I care about? Protecting others is the focus of his mindset, period. To Diric's mind, if he can't protect the people he loves - even if those people are more than capable of protecting themselves! - that's a failure on himself. Combat encounters where he lags behind the others and is either put in danger or unable to get in a swipe before the party wipes out the enemy? He's failed. Trying to advise or be a listening ear but getting chided for doing that? He's failed. Venting his thoughts or trying to explain the weird broken bits of his brain and not feeling like he's been understood? Failed. It's very negative, not healthy, and why one part of his new promises to Bahamut includes the caveat of not at the expense of myself when it comes to extending himself protectively. Usually, motive two is the more selfish one: can I become stronger doing this? It was this motivation that spurred him into Blackthorn and then the Underdark. If Diric could look at Blackthorn and say 'no, being there again wouldn't help me or anyone', he wouldn't have pressed going. But because it put to rest some of his issues and he was able to grow personally and protect the party, overall Diric's choice was always going to be yes, return to Blackthorn. Even if he hated every second of it. But he'll refuse to go back unless Aislinn herself asks for him.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams? This poor little boy all alone in his room surrounded by toy weapons and the equivalent of comic books and action figures only ever had one dream: to be important to someone and be recognized for himself. All he could dream of was being a soldier like Malarnur Duskblade and one day being strong enough to fight alongside him. Obviously Dir did get his wish of becoming a soldier, but when you're put in the unit of social outcasts and expected to die...yeah. Add on completely wrecking your first command operation and there was no way Diric was ever going to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with his childhood hero. Which came true for the most part since Diric killed the pit fiend possessing said childhood hero! But I think by that point he didn't...want the hero's celebration he'd once dreamed about. Which is part of why he doesn't want to ever go back to Blackthorn, even with now being fully Drow. He was there as an outsider, not as someone that earned his place. I think part of Diric still has that dream of mattering to someone; it's why he devoted himself so much to Mio, why part of him is so certain he'll find somewhere that wants him. Because if he knows the where, the who should come naturally. But if he can't find the where or the who, that could break Diric entirely. This little boy's dream is all he really has left holding his heart together.

[drewsbuzzcut]

The Family Man

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses blurb

warnings: alludes to smut, mentions being naked and I think that’s all

When Mat wakes up to his alarm, your body is resting in his arms. Your bare boobs are pressed against his skin, and you make it hard for him to get out of bed. Not only because your bare body is comfortingly warm, but you also have a leg thrown over his. He really doesn’t want to get up, he just wants to continue worshiping your body like the way he was last night. The closer the new hockey season gets, the harder it is to leave the house, to leave you and the kids.

“Barzy, your alarm,” you whisper against the skin of his neck while one of your hands rubs his bare abdomen.

His cock jumps to life at your touch, and he has to force himself to not react to it.

“I know, baby,” he says, maneuvering his way out from underneath you and turning the pesky alarm off.

He lays a chaste kiss to your lips, feeling every nerve ending of his buzz when you softly deepen the kiss, your hand cupping his cheek while the other practically feels him up.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you,” you mutter, half asleep before cuddling back into the sheets.

Mat goes to check on each kid, knowing that he’ll most likely find both boys asleep as they usually sleep in. Sloane’s the only one who wakes up early, so it’s no surprise when he finds Sloane staring up at the ceiling from her crib.

“Hi, my precious girl. Good morning,” he whispers in a soft tone, bringing her into his arms.

She quickly cuddles into his warm skin, her little hand wrapping around one of his fingers. He sits in the rocking chair after making her bottle, rocking her while she eats. When she’s done and burped, he brings her close to him so that her head rests over his heart. Sloane is so content, after a few minutes of cooing, she is sound asleep. She’s a true daddy’s girl.

“Daddy?” Mat’s head snaps to the door, finding Nolan looking at him with tired eyes.

“What’s wrong, buddy?”

“AJ is crying,” Nolan whispers, walking up to Mat so he can hug him.

“Okay, I’ll go check on him. Are you okay?”

“M’fine. I’m sleepy.”

“Okay. Let me put Sloane back in her crib, and I’ll check on AJ.”

Once Sloane is back in her crib, he walks down the hall to Angel’s room. Angel is awake in his crib, crocodile tears falling down his cheeks.

“Hey, little man. It’s okay, daddy has you,” he softly bounces Angel, kissing his forehead repeatedly.

“Daddy,” AJ whines, stuffing his head in Mat’s neck.

“Want to go lay down with mommy?”

AJ immediately nods his head, rubbing at his eyes and looking at Mat with that all too familiar Barzal pout.

Mat lays him down next to you, on top of the comforter, and you subconsciously wrap your arm around his tiny frame.

“Nols, are you going back to bed?”

Nolan nods his head.

“Are you going to work?”

“Yeah, bub. I’ll be back before you know it,” he assures Nolan and kisses his forehead before tucking him back in bed.

Mat enjoys these mornings.

When Mat gets out of the shower, you’re there waiting for him in the walk-in closet. Only now, your body is covered by your pink, silk robe.

“Good morning, hotshot,” you say into his ear, your arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“You look too sexy in the mornings,” he says, hands rubbing your back.

“I picked out your outfit.”

“Thanks, baby.”

You help button his shirt, tucking it into his pants before buttoning them for him as well.

“All ready for work,” you cheer quietly.

“I wish I could stay here,” your husband responds with a pout on his face.

“You’ll be back soon. I love you,” you say into his lips. He pulls back, pulling down the top of your robe to kiss your shoulders up to the side of your neck.

“I gotta get going,” he kisses you one last time before gathering his car keys and the other things he needs for the day.

“Have a good day, baby,” you say, watching his every move, wishing he didn’t have to go.

a/n: Enjoy!

[b4tasquad]

✭ BUSY: Niko Omilana

Authors note: Niko is literally my fav I love him so much bro. Anyway he’s so underrated on this app so I just had to.

Warnings: just angst and maybe a little language?

…

Your eyes were staring at the boy, completely blank of emotions as he uttered excuses you had heard plenty of times this week. For what seemed like the millionth time in a week, Niko had forgotten that you were supposed to hang out, and had busied his schedule with work meetings. It was always “I’m sorry, my love, work is so hectic right now.” You were over it.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate or value your relationship, you knew that wasn’t the case. Niko had since the start made it clear that you were his first priority and that work didn’t come before you nor you guys’ relationship. But this week it seemed like that wasn’t the case anymore.

It didn’t matter how many times you rescheduled, Niko forgot every single time, and it made you feel like an idiot for being so excited to spend time with your boyfriend when he didn’t even remember.

“Are you listening to me?” He calls out, noticing your lost gaze. You guys were standing outside of the Beta Squad’s filming location where you had shown up eagerly, thinking of countless things you and your boyfriend could spend the day doing. You had been leaning towards chilling in bed and ordering food when he had awkwardly scratched the back of his head, a guilty look on his face.

You instantly knew he had something else to do.

“Baby, im sorry.” He tried to reach out for you, but you turned away from him, feeling tears well up in your eyes. Seeing that you were on the verge of a little breakdown, Niko felt so much worse. “Let me make it up to you. Tomorrow we can—”

“No, Niko.” You spoke, a harsh tone that had him stepping back a little. You were always so gentle when you spoke to him, no matter the circumstances. “I’m tired of getting excited to spend time with you, only to be left disappointed, again.”

He huffs a breath out in the slightly cold morning air. Niko’s getting annoyed now, but you can’t tell if it’s at you or himself. “I know, i know. It’s just— I can’t miss this.”

A part of you understood the pressure he was under. Being one of the country’s most famous YouTubers must’ve been stressful. Not only did he have a group he couldn’t disappoint, but his fans also expected the best content from him. Usually, you didn’t see him under such stress, he was much more relaxed, but lately a lot attention had been put on the group, and everyone was working overtime.

But another part of you still wanted to be appreciated by your boyfriend. It was childish maybe, but with your friends all in school and your family away, you felt alone.

“You go do that.” You nodded to the door where Kenny and AJ stood, watching the couple converse. The latter’s legs were bouncing and it seemed like they were short on time. “I’ll see you later.”

You turn around, not giving him a last glance. Niko is left to watch you walk away from him, a feeling of guilt settling deep in the pit of his stomach. “Fuck.” He curses, a hand coming to rub at his forehead.

“Niko! We gotta go, bro.” He hears Kenny call from him, his tone less playful then usual. Niko can only guess he understand the severity of the situation between you and him.

The Omilana doesn’t say anything, just nods unenthusiastically and walks over to his awaiting friends.

…

In your frustration, you had gone to your own apartment for the night, something which was unusual for you. You practically lived at your boyfriend’s, and most of your things were there. The only reason you hadn’t sold this apartment were for the few occasions Niko was on a work trip and you lived alone. Your apartment was only a few minute walk from the campus, so whenever he was away you stayed there for the time being.

But now it was different. You didn’t want to be around him and in some petty way, wanted to see if he could spend time away from you and still be okay. That was something you couldn’t.

A couple miles away, Niko was just entering his place, going through what he was going to say to you in his head. He had fucked up, massively, and therefore knew he had to make it up to you somehow.

Tucked under his left arm was a pack of your favourite chocolate he grabbed on his way, alongside a box of pizza. Also your favourite.

Tossing his keys at the table besides the door, Niko sets on looking for you. Firstly, he checks the kitchen where you’d often spend your time baking or cooking something up for the two of you. When he skimmed over the open room and you weren’t there, he just start looking around the whole place.

At some point he disregarded the food on the sofa in the living room. Panic settling in his chest when he’s looked everywhere besides his— or your— bedroom and he can’t find you nowhere. Gently, he pushes open the door, hoping and praying to find you sprawled across the bed.

You’re not here.

“Shit, shit, shit!” He’s scared now. The funny and uncaring Niko Omilana the world knows, completely gone and replaced. Without wasting a second more, he jogs out the room, grabs the food and his keys and leaves faster than he arrived.

As he jumps into the car and drives away from his home, he sets his phone up in its holder, scrambling to find your location. Niko is almost a hundred percent sure he knows where you are, but he has no room for more fuck ups and needs the confirmation.

An usual 10 minutes drive only takes him 7 quick minutes, and he’s out the car and running up the pathway to the door in seconds. People on the streets must think he’s gone crazy, running around like that at night. But he doesn’t care, he has to make it right.

Your halfway through applying your night cream when you hear three knocks echo through the apartment, the sound loud and forceful. Completely frightened, you drop the tube into the sink, the contents of it spilling out and the product getting wasted.

“No!” You shriek. It was probably the most expensive skin care product you had ever bought, and you hadn’t planned to buy one for a good couple of months. Shit. You’re snapped out of your nightmare when the knocks continue, and instead of being scared like you had been prior, you walk through your apartment with annoyance.

“What?” Jolting the door open, you don’t even look up before letting out. It must’ve been a dumb move not to look on your part because before you know it, you’re pushed inside again, hands cupping your face as your lips meet the most familiar ones.

Niko is not gently in any way when kissing you. He seems desperate and sorry, his whole body falling into yours as if it was apologising to you. You’re kissing him back for a few seconds before he pulls away again.

“Don’t leave.” He pleads, hands still on your face as if he’s afraid you’ll leave if he isn’t holding you in place. “I know I fucked up, and that sorry isn’t going to cut it but, please, don’t leave.”

“What—”

He’s stuttering, messing up his words. He reaches down to pick up the food he had thrown away once his eyes landed on you. “See, I got your favourites. We can do what you wanted—”

You’re starting to feel bad, his eyes are frantic and hand shaking. Seeing him be like that killed you.“Niko”

“I even got that weird flavoured chocolate that I don’t understand why you like, but I know you like it so—“

“Niko!” He’s completely snapped out of his frantic state when he finally hears you and not only his own words ringing in his head. The height difference between the two of you was often a common joke, the amount on inches he had on you was humbling. But right now, in his vulnerable state, he seemed so much smaller. Cupping his face like he had done to you, you reassure him. “I am not leaving you.”

“You’re not?” Niko questions, almost in shock.

“No, why would you think that?”

He sighs. “You left the house, which you never do. And I guess I just thought you wouldn’t return.”

A little smile is pulling at your lips, so maybe he wasn’t fine with being without you.

“Well, you guessed wrong” you tell him and his usual cocky but humorous persona is back, you can tell by his growing grin.

“ So does this mean you forgive me?”

Your smile tells him everything he needs to know, but you still pull a last attempt on seeming mad. “I mean; I gotta see your preposition before I decide.”

With the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all week, Niko picks you up with one hand closing the door shut with his foot. “Oh, I love you so fucking much, baby.” He says, kissing your exposed skin. For the rest of the night, you both are cuddled up in your room, eating and watching movie after movie, while Niko promises to always make time for you.

A promise he keeps.

[ajshabsxxwife]

AJ SHABEEL- “Do you still love me?”

warnings: arguement, angst

Use of y/n

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You were sat in your living room, scrolling on tiktok when you suddenly come across an edit of Aj, the caption being “Aj hasn’t posted y/n in a long time icl”.

You sit up from the position you were in, sighing as you brush your hand through your hair. ‘When will Aj come back..’ you think to yourself as you walk up to the bedroom you and Aj shared.

Just as you were putting one of Aj’s t-shirts on you hear the front door open and slam shut.

You run down the stairs excited to greet your boyfriend but he doesn’t look happy to see you.

“Aj!” you announce as you wrap your arms around his waist tightly. “Hi.” he sighs and softly pushes you off him.

You furrow your eyebrows, confused. Aj has never pushed you away from him, he usually hugs you just as tight.

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next day (i cant be bothered to write them going to bed..)

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You scroll on instagram, you see that Aj posted and click on it only to see he posted himself with another girl. (here)

‘What the fuck..’ you think to your self. why would he post that? especially knowing that you would see it..?

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later in the day..

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You are sat in the kitchen waiting for Aj to come home from shooting beta squad videos.

You slightly jump from the front door opening. “Aj, come here!” you shout to him.

He walks in. “What?” he says coldly. You get up and show him his post. “Who.. the fuck.. is that?” you whisper, holding back hot tears.

“My friend..” He lies through his teeth. “Tell me the truth.” you say through gritted teeth.

“oh my.. why are you so fucking annoying! All you do is yap and yap. I can never catch a fucking break from you!” he yells, making your eyes widen from the sudden out burst.

Tears drop down your cheeks, “annoying?” you repeat him. “Do you even love me anymore, Aj?” You sigh before continuing.

“You have been so distant with me recently, you havent posted me in 3 months but yet you can post some random girl? You say one word to me a day, to be honest, I don’t remember the last time I felt loved by you.”

Tears are now flowing down your cheeks, Aj’s gaze has softened. “Don’t cry..” He reaches out to wipe your tears, but you push him away like he did to you.

“Don’t touch me..” You breathe out.

“Y/n I do love you..” He lies. “No you don’t, because if you did. We wouldn’t be in this position right now.”

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This is kinda rushed icl. I don’t think i will do a pt.2 to this. also my second fic ill post on either Tuesday or Wednesday.

It will be a sharky one😝

[idontplaytrack]

Off Night

AJ Campos x chronically ill fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, coarse language, chronic illness/pain(costochondritis is painful asf— has not went away for me since 2019😖) flare up descriptions

In which reader has something they’d call an ‘off night’.

Writing this bc I need it rn🤐 I’m a self-indulgent writer at my core😄

(Pictures used above are from Pinterest & Tumblr)

With each breath you took, the wider the pain spread across and around your ribcage causing you to wince. An unintentional groan left your lips as you laid in bed uncomfortably, on your side. AJ walks into the room to check on you, informing you that dinner would be ready soon.

“I don’t feel like eating.”

She sits down beside you, gently running her hand up and down your back. Very gently. And yet it still made you flinch. “I’m sorry.” AJ apologises for hurting you more and for how you were feeling.

“Is there anything I can get you?” She asks softly, her eyes studying you worriedly.

“Unless I can get a new body, no.” You answered bluntly.

She presses a kiss to your forehead and stroked your cheek before pulling the blanket higher up past your shoulders. After that, she quietly exits the room. AJ wishes that there was more she could do, but she knew she’s done the best she could, and so do you. The pain just made you so incredibly irritable. Every single time you inhaled or exhaled made you feel closer and closer to crying. Just wanting to burst into tears…but you knew all too well that it would just make your pain worse. So you swallowed those tears like your life depended on it— quite literally.

You tried shutting your eyes in hopes of drifting off to sleep, but it did not work and you were growing impatient. And angry. At whatever the hell it was. AJ returns after awhile, thinking that you’d be asleep but clearly, you weren’t. “I’m not asleep.” You huffed.

“How about I run you a bath, babe?”

“I dunno.” You mumbled.

“We’ll try, okay?”

You just let her. What could you do, say no? She’d just go ahead anyway. When she walked out of the ensuite bathroom, she glances at you before picking out a new set of clothes for you. You knew she was worried and you felt terrible about it, but you were also aware of the fact that you needed her to help you right now. If you were alone, you’d definitely just curl up in bed and do nothing. She helped you get out of bed, out of your clothes and into the bathtub. “Easy, easy.” AJ says, “Okay, sit— yeah. You okay?”

You nodded, letting out a little grunt when you strained yourself while trying to sit down. One of the few things that have helped was soaking in warm water. And you wish you could’ve been in here all day, but that’s just…not possible. The sun had just completely set, leaving you and AJ in darkness for a brief moment before she turned the lights on. “Would you want them off instead?”

“It’s fine.”

She sits down on the floor by the tub to keep you company. “Go eat dinner.”

“I will, in a minute.” She assured, “Does the water help?”

“A lot.” You admit, “The relief won’t last long though.” AJ held onto your hand, stroking her thumb over your knuckles as you leaned back and shut your eyes. This tiny gesture gave you a bit more comfort, which you appreciated and gave her a smile in response. “Do you maybe want to eat dinner, here?”

You shook your head, telling her that you’ve got no appetite. “Maybe later.”

“Alright.” She stroked your hair, “I’ll go get you some water, okay? You’ve got to stay hydrated, love.”

“Okay.” You murmured.

She leaves, and comes back with a plastic cup filled with water, and a straw dipped in the cup. “Here you go, honey.” She holds the straw to your lips and you took a tentative sip. “Thanks, honey- please go have your dinner. Just leave the cup on the stool. I’ll just be right here.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Go.”

“Okay, but if you need anything- call for me.”

You watch her leave, then you hear sounds from further away, in the kitchen. She was having her dinner. You dozed off for the duration of her dinner, and woke up when she walked back in. “Looks like you got some rest.”

“Luckily I didn’t fall back or I would’ve drowned.”

“Tsk.” AJ chuckles, “Come on, let’s get you outta there.”

You let out a groan, having to sit up straight and then stand up. “Okay, alright- you good?” She squints, grabbing your towel off the sink countertop. “Mm.” You mumbled incoherently but nodded. “Okay.” AJ rubs your towel-covered back just ever so gently. She guides you back into the room and onto bed. After helping you get changed, she freezes in her tracks in front of you. “I’d feel better if we get you to eat a little bit while you’re feeling some relief right now.”

“I’ll try.” You stood up on your own, sending her into a moment of panic, “I wanna— go outside.”

“I figured.” She says, walking beside you. Once you two got to the dining room, she pulls a chair out for you and you sat down in it while she got you a bowl of mac and cheese.

————

She sat with you while you ate, checking her phone for any missed texts or calls. Then she went around the apartment to tidy it up some. AJ then somehow persuaded you to go to bed, and you managed to fall asleep. Also, she’s thought of putting a cushion under your back so the surface you were lying on was way softer. Maybe that was what helped, because you barely felt the pain that way. “Mm, no.” You mumbled half asleep, “Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, lovebug. I’m right here.” She shushed, “Sleep now, okay?” At first, she was sitting beside you on her side of the bed, but then she decided to lay down and go to bed early too. Letting go of your hand gently, she turned to be on her side so she could watch you sleep. Peacefully.

Slowly, she succumbed to sleep as well and was only awoken by you a few hours later. You were pressed up against her, an arm wrapped around her as well. AJ could feel that you were cold, and that your face was pressed up against her back. AJ was stuck— she didn’t know whether to stay put or move. You couldn’t possibly be comfortable like that, baby. She thought.

Rolling over slowly, you detaches from you. Your arm falls onto the mattress as she feels your forehead. Shit. Were you suddenly having a fever?

You whined in your sleep at the loss of contact. So AJ hurries up to get closer to you again, holding you in her arms— face to face with you. She anxiously feels your forehead again, “Maybe my hand’s just cold?” She mouths to herself. She could go grab the thermometer but if she tried to get away from you again, you would definitely wake up. She knew that she couldn’t know for certain until you were fully awake so she gave in and just dozed off again.

The sleep was very broken up. Because an hour later you were awake. “What’s wrong?” She looked at you, you’d just stepped out of the bathroom.

“I don’t— uh, it kinda stings when I go to the bathroom.”

“Does your stomach hurt?”

You nodded sadly, “I’m sorry.”

You’re sorry? She felt like shit right now for not noticing that you hadn’t been drinking enough water for the past few days — which probably was what lead to this. “I’m gonna take you to the doctor.”

“No. No, no, no, no,” You declined, profusely, “I’ve had enough of antibiotics.”

“Okay, so what do you need then?”

She couldn’t lie, she was a little bit worried about the infection spreading if it was indeed a UTI, but you knew your body best. And it wasn’t your first time having this happen— it also certainly won’t be the last.

You chugged a glass of cranberry juice then crawled back into bed to sleep. “I’m giving you two days, alright? If you don’t feel better and if the fever and pain gets worse, you gotta see a doctor.” AJ tried to reason with you.

“Okay.” You mumbled, “Cuddles, please?”

She happily obliged but was cautious since you were still in pain, “I’m sorry you’re in pain right now, my love.”

“I know. It sucks.” You muttered, “I just want it to go away. I didn’t meant to not drink enough water or however the fuck this happened.”

“Just let me know whatever you need and I’ll give it to you, okay? Just wake me up and I’ll help you, please. If you can’t get up, please let me help you. I don’t want and you doubled over and struggling on your own.” AJ says, rubbing soothing circles on your back. You simply gave her a nod and laid your head in her chest, making yourself comfortable.

After being sick for a few years, and with AJ being with you through it all since the very beginning, she’s had to learnt a lot in a short period of time. About the conditions, about your habits, how they’ve changed, how to help you manage symptoms, what medications helped and which ones didn’t, the side effects. Everything that came with being chronically ill and dealing with chronic pain. AJ had to learn, and remember them. It was tough as shit and she didn’t have to help you with any of it, but she never once complained. She’s never made you feel bad for needing her help. You may have felt bad on your own, but she has never made you feel bad and just showered you with love and care. Because she was the sweetest person you’ve ever met in your life and she just understood. No one chooses to be sick, but being the usually healthier person meant that she was able to do more than you could. You’ve had to learn to be vulnerable and honest with her and yourself if you wanted to feel better sooner. It was an equally painful experience to go through over time. But you were very glad to be past that stage…so when off nights happen, that’s all they were. You don’t let them linger for longer than needed and affect your mood too much— you let it run its course and did what you knew that could help.

AJ looked at you, heart swelling with pride as much as it ached a little bit, ‘You are so strong, my girl.’

[topguncortez]

Day 30: Note to self- don't get kidnapped ➣prompt: "Please don't touch me." ➣character: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw ➣warnings: post-partum depression, surrogacy, slash pairing (floydsin), breast milk pumping. ➣note: can be read as a part of this headcannon ➣masterlist | whumptober | library

It had been nearly six weeks since the birth of the beautiful Aurora Jade Seresin-Floyd. Her dads were fully embracing life as parents, being at the little girls every call. Y/N had gotten the standard six weeks off of work before she had to go back. She had been struggling a bit with the changes post-birth. Hardest thing was coming home from the hospital and not having the little girl that she had housed inside her. She was lucky to have Bradley though, he was a great partner throughout the whole thing, and was by her side the whole time. 

“Do you need anything?” Bradley asked her, zipping up his flight suit. Y/N sat on the bed, reading a book as she pumped her breasts. She decided to pump and give the milk to Bob and Jake for AJ. At first she wasn’t producing anything viable, just in constant pain from her body trying to produce milk for a baby that wasn’t even there. Bradley had done research that listening to the sound of a crying baby tricks the brain into producing milk. So every day for nearly two weeks Bradley had to sit and listen as Y/N played a track of crying babies to help her produce milk. 

“Yeah, tell them to let me stay at home for another week,” She grumbled. 

Bradley sighed and walked into the bathroom, and frowned, “I can see what I can-” 

“No,” Y/N shook her head, and turned her pump off, “I need to go back to work. Can’t sit inside this damn house any longer.” 

“I think Mav would understand if you need an extra day. You did just give birth-” 

“I did but it’s not like I have a child that needs me to look after them 24/7. I’m just here being a fucking. . . human cow,” Y/N gesutred to the two full bottles of breast milk in her hands, “And eating everything in sight, and crying at fucking nothing, and not doing anything productive. I need to get back to work. I need to get back in the sky. I need to get my pre-baby body back. I can’t be here any longer.” 

“Okay,” Bradley nodded, “Alright, well get dressed and I’ll take these,” He grabbed the bottles, “And go dump them and put them in the freezer.” 

Y/N stood up from the bed and kissed her boyfriend, before going to find her flight suit that had been pushed to the back of her closet. She stared at the maternity clothes that Jake had bought her and felt tears well up in her eyes. She was yet to clean out everything, still finding some of the maternity clothes to fit still and be more comfortable to wear. Y/N clenched her jaw as she pushed the clothes to one side and grabbed her flight suit. She combed roughly through her hair and put it back in a ponytail before gathering up her usual items she took to base now; her duffle bag, workout bag, lunch box and now, breast pump. 

Bradley talked the whole way to base, talking about the new flight plans Maverick had given them last week. He didn’t mention that Bob and Jake had started coming in for two days a week and that one of them was more than likely going to be there today. She had hardly seen them since AJ’s birth, nor talked to them longer than asking if they needed more breastmilk. She knew they were busy being parents, and she didn’t really know where she stood in this whole thing anymore. 

“Are you sure you want to come in today?” Bradley asked, making Y/N jump. 

“Yeah, of course,” She responded. 

“Well, we’ve been in the parking lot for three minutes and you haven’t moved from your spot,” Bradley pointed out and he turned his body to face her, “Seriously, I can tell Mav that you aren’t ready to be here yet. He will understand. He said you can still apply for extended-” 

“I am not applying for extended maternity leave when I’m not even a mother,” Y/N snapped, “There are women out there that go back to work the next day after having babies. I don’t even have one, so I can sure as hell go back to work after six weeks.” 

Before Bradley could respond, she jumped out of the bronco, grabbed her bags and headed towards the hangar. Bradley sighed and shook his head, before getting out and walking in behind her. No one seemed to notice that Y/N was back, they all went about their morning routines, getting coffee and mixing up their protein drinks. Y/N tried to not let it bother her as she slipped into her seat that was next to Bradley. He smiled at his girlfriend as he sat down next to her and handed her a cup of coffee. 

“Can’t have caffeine while I’m pumping,” She said, staring straight ahead at the projector. 

“Right, yeah, I knew that,” Bradley said, nodding and setting the second cup down on the floor beside him. Maverick stood at the front of the room and started going in about today’s flight plan. Y/N had a hard time trying to understand what the plan was, seeing as it was a continuation to a flight that the dagger squad had started working on when she went into her maternity leave. Bradley could sense her confusion as he looked over at her. She was trying her best to understand but was slowly giving up. 

“Does everyone understand the course of action?” Maverick asked. There was a chorus of small voices in agreement and head nods around the classroom, “Alright then! Let's get suited up!” Y/N was first out of her chair and heading out of the room. Bradley sighed and shook his head. 

“Is she alright?” Phoenix asked him. 

“I think so,” Bradley said, “I really don’t know. Some days are better than others. I told her to ask for an extension, but she wants to be back.” 

“Well, maybe it's best,” Phoenix shrugged. Bradley hoped the pilot was right as they walked through the doors to the lockers. 

The sky was one of the only places where Y/N seemed to be able to gather her thoughts. It was the place that brought her the most comfort. She didn’t realize how much she missed sitting in that small cockpit until she was up in the air. Rooster couldn’t help but smile at the childlike giggle that came over comms, knowing that it was his girl getting back into her element. Maverick had gone over the plan with her one on one before they went up in the air. It made Y/N feel somewhat more comfortable about being up in the sky. Fanboy and Coyote were also sharing the sky with her. 

“Alright, ready when you are, Momma Hen,” Fanboy said over comms. 

“What?” Y/N asked. 

“Ya know, Momma Hen. . . cause you had a baby, so that kinda makes you a-” 

“Shut up, Garcia,” Payback said, and looked over at the aviator next to him. He couldn’t see much because of the distance and her mask, but Payback knew Y/N well enough to know something was also wrong, “Hey, he was just joking. You’re still our Gunner, you know that.” 

“Yeah,” She cleared her voice, “Let’s do this.” 

Bradley and Phoenix shared a look as Y/N called the mission on, and her plane ascended towards the flight path. The path wasn’t harder than what they went through for the Uranium Mission, but it was getting Y/N’s body back to pulling so many gs at one time. She followed the path closely, feeling the weight of her body as she hit the turns quickly. Payback stayed on her tail, encouraging her to keep her speed up. No one beat Maverick’s time of 2 minutes and 15 seconds, the only person that had come close was Y/N. Bradley’s eyes were locked on the large clock that ticked down, and the speed of her aircraft. 

“Come on, Reaper, come on,” Bradley cheered softly. 

“Stay in this Reaper!” Payback called out, “Fanboy line it up.” 

“Line on sight!” Fanboy said, “Ready and clear, Reaper!” 

“Dropping in!” Y/N said, lining up her “shot” and hitting the target. It felt like a slug to the chest as she pulled up on the joystick, bringing the nose of her aircraft up into a steep incline. Her lungs burned as she fought to stay conscious, having to focus on her breathing as she got out of the valley. The second she leveled out she heard the stop of her timer. 

“Holy fuck! New record!” Payback exclaimed, “Two minutes and five seconds!” 

Y/N smiled and removed her mask, “And that’s how we fucking do it.” 

“Welcome back, Reaper,” Maverick smiled, and clapped Bradley on the back, who was beaming with pride. 

Y/N had to hold herself from running across the tarmac after she landed, heading into the rec room. She opened the door with a bright smile, ready to celebrate the new course record, but it quickly ran away at the sight of Jake and Bob standing in the crowd of aviators. Her heart stopped in her chest as she saw the sight of the baby she had carried for nine months. 

“Hey! Look who’s here!” Bradley said, waving Y/N over to them. Y/N was frozen, as all eyes turned to her. Jake and Bob looked extremely happy as they smiled at her, but what Y/N saw through her eyes was the sight of two annoyed parents who didn’t want her there. 

“Babe?” Bradley called out to her, but Y/N shook her head and left the rec room quickly, letting the door slam. AJ let out a cry at the sound of the door slamming shut, and Y/N let out a groan. 

“Is she okay?” Jake asked. 

“I don’t know,” Bradley shook his head, “I gotta go.” 

Jake and Bob shared a look as Bradley ran out of the room. Bradley had to ask several people in the hallway if they had seen you, and they instructed him to the nursing room at the end of the hall. He knocked on the door and heard the quiet invite to come in. Bradley walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off. 

“Please don’t touch me,” She said, “I’m fine, I just need to pump. You can go back out to Aurora and-” 

“Alright,” Bradley kneeled down on one knee in front of her, and grabbed her hand, “There is something going on. You have been pushing me away for weeks, and I understood because it was a big change but now, whatever just happened with you in the rec room. . .I can’t ignore this anymore. What’s going on? What’s wrong?” 

Y/N looked up at her boyfriend, and felt her lips start to quiver. Bradley’s heartbroke at the sight and he pulled her in for a tight hug. Y/N let out a sob as he rubbed her back. She had been fighting her emotions for weeks, but now the dam had finally broken. She couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks as Bradley held her. 

“It’s okay,” Bradley said, pulling away from the hug, and kissed her temple, “Breathe, love, you need to breathe before you pass out. Take a deep breath for me.” Y/N nodded and took a deep breath. Bradley handed her a box of kleenex to wipe her tears, “You going to tell me what’s been going on?” 

“I feel useless,” She admitted, “I feel like I’ve just been thrown away. That no one needs me anymore. Bob doesn’t need me, Jake doesn’t need me, Aurora doesn’t need me. The life that I grew for nine months. . . she’s not depending on me anymore. She has two dads that are caring for her, feeding her, changing her. . . .loving her.” 

“Baby. . . “ 

“And I feel like such a terrible person for feeling like this!” Y/N exclaimed, “It’s not fair that I am feeling like this when I can have a baby anytime I want. Hell, if I wanted to, I could have you bend me over and give me a baby right now. Bob and Jake, they had to jump through hoops and run around in circles just to be able to have AJ, and I would do it ten times over again. . . I just don’t get why I’m feeling like this.” 

“Cause you’re human, Y/N,” Bradley said, “You are human, and you are allowed to have feelings. You are allowed to feel like this. No one expected you to be one hundred percent fine after having a baby for someone else, I would actually be kind of concerned if you were. But you don’t have to hold all those feelings in either.” 

“You don’t think I’m a bad person?” 

“No, and neither do Bob or Jake.” Y/N let out a shaky sigh, “Do you want to talk to them? Do you want to see AJ?” 

“I don’t want them to hate me for seeing her.” 

“No baby, they want you to see her. They want you to get to know her,” Bradley said, “But it’s all up to you. If you want to go see her then you can, but if you don’t. . .  they’ll respect that too.” The two of them sat in silence for a moment, but it was broken up by a knock on the door.  

“Come in!” Y/N called out. Bob poked his head through the door, and smiled at the two of them. Y/N felt her heart beat rapidly and wiped a tear from her cheek, “What’s up?” 

“Wanted to see if you were okay,” Bob answered, “Mav said you two might be in here.” 

Y/N looked at Bradley, and he nodded. One thing that had happened during pregnancy was Bradley’s ability to read Y/N’s emotions without her having to say anything. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. 

“She’s okay,” Bradley said, “But, today’s been a long day already. She went up in the air and-” 

“Broke the course record, We heard,” Bob nodded. There was silence before Bob cleared his throat, “Well, we are gonna head out. But Y/N. . . “ 

“Yeah?” She said, looking up at him. 

“If you need to talk, I’m here to listen. Always, I’m here for you,” Bob said and Y/N smiled at him, “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Bobby,” Y/N said, her voice cracking. Bob said goodbye to Bradley before leaving the two of them alone. Y/N let out a shaky breath and put her hand on top of her intertwined one with Bradley, “I think I need a couple more days. I’m not ready to be back just yet.” 

“And that’s okay, baby,” Bradley said and kissed her cheek, “Let’s go home.”

[ajwinter-is-a-nerd]

Le Chat et Le Serpent - Chapter 14

Please note that the entirety of this story is a ****TRIGGER WARNING***** - mentions of child abuse, graphic violence, alcohol use, mental health, suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm - basically a constant blow of pain towards the characters - as well as some "steamier" moments.

Chapter Summary:

The morning after with Luka and Adrien & the superhero meet.

This chapter marks the end of Part 1.

Chapter 14: Project Adrien

Sunrise

The sun brought out the rose gold within Adrien’s hair as he gently dozed. Luka wanted to remember every detail, every breath, the way his lips twitched as he slept. He wanted to be with Adrien, but he was shackled by reality. He knew Adrien was not ready for what he needed. Luka wanted the fluff; he yearned for dates, handholding, and public romantic gestures. 

Maybe… maybe he would want to? No, last night only proved otherwise. And there’s always the issue of Ladybug. Marinette is still in love with Adrien, and Chat adores Ladybug. If we keep going now… I know my heart will break. 

Adrien’s eyes began to flutter open, their brilliant green sparkling against the midday light. Once he recognized that he was awake, he sat up with a jolt. 

“What’s wrong, are you okay?” Luka was terrified that Adrien would regret inviting him to stay. 

“I slept!” Adrien announced. 

Confused, Luka furrowed his brow. 

Adrien re-lowered himself to Luka, who was propped up with his elbow. “You.”

Fear flashed through Luka as he recalled the last time Adrien had said that; Viperion held him in his arms as he dashed to the hospital. 

“Me?” His voice croaked from a combination of beguilement and lingering dread. 

Adrien cupped Luka’s cheek and admired how the sun turned his eyes into a chromatic blue, with slices of silver flickering throughout. Since the battle with Gabriel, Adrien had only slept through the night twice; both nights were when Luka was by his side. 

Luka was finding his arguments to distance himself harder to adhere to as Adrien grew closer. He fought to grasp his bearings, but could tell Adrien had already lost himself in Luka’s seas. 

Adrien placed his hand on the nape of Luka’s neck. His thumb rested on the corner of Luka’s clicking jaw. “You stayed.”

“Of course I did.” Luka was surprised his voice hadn’t given out, considering he wasn’t sure that he was breathing. 

Luka’s tense responses made Adrien unsure how to advance. As he contemplated how, his eyes momentarily dropped to Luka’s lips. From his grip on Luka’s neck, he could feel the quickening of his heart rate. Cautiously, he moved forward an inch; fleeting his eyes once more to Luka’s trembling lips. 

Part of Luka wanted to run. He knew everything would be easier if, in this moment, he jumped out of the bed and ran to the hills. But he couldn’t tear himself away. Following the direction of his thudding heart, he pushed his lips onto Adrien’s. Euphoria filled his body. If he were to ever have a drug of choice, it would be Adrien. 

Luka pushed his chest against Adrien, rolling him to his back. Adrien kept one hand with his fingers tugging on Luka’s hair. His other hand gripped Luka’s hip, a few fingers below the waistline of the sweatpants. Luka held one hand on Adrien’s side, the other slid behind Adrien’s back, pulling their bodies as close together as possible. 

“Fuck,” Luka moaned in both pleasure and guilt. Adrien took the opportunity of his freed lips to run across Luka’s neck, gently biting him back for the night before. Luka’s vision hazed at the pained pleasure gnawing at his neck. 

Plagg and Sass had begun to play cards, realising they might have to wait a bit longer than anticipated, before their holders began their day. 

Luka nipped Adrien back in an attempt to distract himself from Adrien’s affection, as well as a technique of self-control. But, while his teeth pressed against Adrien’s skin, Adrien let out a moan that vibrated against Luka’s lips; this considerably lessened the effect of Luka’s method of restraint. Adrien’s hand trailed from Luka’s hip to the front of his pants. 

“Adrien,” Luka exhaled, trying to force the words he knew needed out. 

“Mmm, Luka?” Adrien ran his hand against Luka’s protrusion in the sweatpants. 

“This, we, ah!” Luka’s voice squeaked as Adrien’s hand slithered under the cotton barrier. “Wait.” He strenuously pushed Adrien’s hand away. 

“I’m sorry!” Adrien sprung his hands to his own chest. “I thought, I’m sorry.”

Luka smirked, of course, his Prettyboy would assume from below him that he was the one in control. “I want to. I want this so badly. But I want the other stuff that comes with it. And you’re… you’re not ready for that.”

Understanding, Adrien replaced his hand in Luka’s hair, kissing him once again. “You’re right.” He continued to kiss Luka’s cheek down to his neck. “And you think stopping now will help?”

Adrien’s trail added an unspoken segment to his question. At the moment, they had already passed the boundary of friendship. If it ended when they stood up - why would they immediately choose to stand? Ceding, Luka pulled Adrien’s face closer. 

Just a taste. Luka thought to himself as allowed his euphoric state to take control. 

“See Sass, him and Ladybug never went that far.” Plagg stated as he scanned his cards. 

Sass gave a low chuckle, “yes, but Ladybug and him went much further.” 

Plagg lowered his cards to meet Sass’ cheeky grin. “How would you even know? It’s not like you could hang out when they were dating!” 

“Plagg, you know Tikki…” 

“Oh my god, that Kwami should write a gossip page.” He said as he laid down his hand. 

“Are you cheating again, Plagg?” 

“How could you accuse me of such a thing?” Plagg asked horrified. 

“Since the creation of time, I have never seen a deck with five aces.” 

“I swear, this one just flew out of the air, it was good luck!” Plagg poorly defended himself. 

“You would have won without the extra card.” Sass amusingly shook his head. 

“There you go, I win!” 

Sunset

“I think they did a pretty good job!” Ladybug announced as she mimicked her wax statue’s position. 

“Seriously! I’m scared that if you take the mask off your face will be under it!” Rena stepped closer to see the detail in the statue’s cheeks and nose. They were structurally identical to Marinette’s. 

“Ah, I’m not worried, I’ve been wearing the same hairstyle and a simple mask for years and no one has noticed.” Ladybug waved away any possibility of Rena worrying. 

Rena began to massage her head, contemplating if there was any way that they could dim the lights in the room. “Why did you decide to have this meeting right after Adrien’s party?” 

“I thought it would be late enough for the hangovers to subside.” Ladybug stated begrudgingly as she sipped her coffee. 

“It feels like punishment.” Rena groaned as she refilled her own coffee. 

Ladybug nodded in agreement as she finished the cup in her hand. Following Rena’s lead, she poured herself another mug. Checking the time, she nervously chewed on her cheek. She had asked Rena to come earlier to discuss Adrien and Luka, but now that they were here it felt daunting. Trying to gather her courage, she slightly spun her ring that sat below her suit. 

“Okay,” Rena caught Ladybug’s attention, “what do you want to talk about?” 

“What? I uh - hmm?” Ladybug’s nerves still shone through. 

“You didn’t call me here just to drink all the coffee before the team came.” 

“Well… you know how we said that maybe Viperion should take point on speaking with Adrien?” She chewed her lip, knowing that her next words were born from emotion. 

“Mm-hmm,” Rena tapped her cup impatiently.

“I don’t think he should be involved in the investigation of Adrien.” 

Rena’s face dropped. “Why? You know that he’s gotten close to Adrien! Girl, he’s the one who will take it the most seriously! I love Nino, but he is not going to be great at getting into the deep and personal of Adrien’s family history.” 

“What about Kim?” Ladybug asked hopefully. 

“You’re joking right?” 

“No… it would have been easier if Kagami was willing to reveal that she was holding Longg again. She is honestly the best holder for the task.” Sending Kagami to Adrien felt uncomfortable, but it was better than sending Luka. 

“Just send Viperion, you trust him, Adrien trusts him, and it’s not like they’re going to be alone all the time! The other holders will still be there.” 

“No!” Rena jumped back at Ladybug’s piercing tone. Spinning her ring, Ladybug explained further. “Listen, whatever is going on between Adrien and Luka is too volatile to send Viperion as the lead. I don’t think it’s smart to have him involved.” 

Rena crossed her arms in defiance. 

“Ugh,” Ladybug assumed that Rena would have her back on this decision. “Listen, they disappeared together, then Luka came back to the party a sad panda, and then they ended the night in Adrien’s room.” 

“What?” Rena’s face flipped to excitement. “Do you think they… are they?” 

“I don’t know. But Viperion is off the case.” 

“Oh, I get it. Is it because he’s encroaching on your ‘territory’?” Rena used bunny fingers to accentuate the absurdity of ownership. 

“No, it’s because whatever they have, they can’t figure it out themselves. Viperion is more likely to hide something if he has feelings for Adrien. Adrien is less likely to admit culpability around Viperion. And if they get into a fight it could completely ruin our objective!” Ladybug was impressed by her own arguments. 

“He’s going to be pissed.” Rena returned to her coffee cup, not wanting to continue the conversation. 

Before Ladybug went to further defend herself, Carapace stepped into the room. He gave Ladybug a scowl as he poured his coffee - he was too hungover for this shit. 

-

“Look what the cat dragged in!” Rena chided at Chat’s dishevelled state. Chat had methodically joined the meeting before Viperion, but was still late nevertheless. 

“Shhh,” Chat put out a finger to her as he reached for coffee. 

“What kept you up?” Ladybug snided, assuming that he had not attended the party. 

“Hey, I can’t have fun too?” Chat asked as he sat along the exhibit’s ledge. 

Rolling her eyes, Ladybug began to do a head count.

Viperion is rarely late. Why is he not here? Did Rena tell him already? Whatever, it doesn’t matter, we need to get started. 

“Okay, thanks everyone for coming! I know everyone is feeling a bit… ill today.” Her cheery tone was met by a unanimous groan. “But we should be able to get back to our beds soon! So today -,” her words were cut as Viperion slithered to the back of the room. 

“Nice of you to join us, Viperion.” Ladybug embodied a professor-like tone. 

“Sorry, I’m here now.” Viperion calmly said as he sat beside Purple Tigress. 

Purple Tigress was edging to hear more about Viperion’s night. Since Ladybug was already visibly irked, Tigress decided a quick leg squeeze was the best extent of her greeting. 

“As I was saying,” Ladybug shot Viperion a look, “we are here to discuss Adrien.” 

The murmurs across the room indicated that most holders hadn’t been told the object of the meeting. 

Chat continued to lean, bitterly observing the room, as he sipped at his coffee.

“We haven’t been able to find anything substantial on Lila, Felix, or Papillion. Our last hope is to figure out what Adrien knows.” Ladybug addressed the room. 

“We’re going to have to dig into Adrien? Man, that feels wrong.” King Monkey piped in. 

“Listen,” Rena stood to the derailing room, “we,” she motioned to herself and Ladybug, “are investigating. But - we,” she motioned her hands to herself and over the group, “don’t need to treat Adrien like a suspect on a cork board. We know Adrien. That’s why we are here. Now shut-up!” 

The room obeyed. 

“Thank-you Rena.” Ladybug nodded to her. “Part of why we decided to ask who was comfortable with sharing their identity was for this mission. We don’t want Adrien to feel attacked, we want him to feel protected.” 

“He’s got million dollar security on his house, I doubt he’s begging for protection.” Chat mumbled, barely realising the words passed his lips. 

Grimacing at his comment, Ladybug continued her speech. “No matter what, we need to know the connection between Felix, Papillion, and the mysterious Miraculous return. Adrien is our last hope. We think that treating him as a civilian super is our best bet.” 

“A civilian super ?” Chat stood, unable to hide his rage. “So your plan is to treat Adrien as if he’s part of this team? Someone who couldn’t handle the Snake Miraculous?” 

“Chat, can you just trust that I know what I’m doing?” Ladybug shot back. 

Clenching his teeth, Chat resumed his position. 

“Thank-you.” Ladybug seethed. “Tomorrow,” she pulled out her massive Adrien planner, “he has a meeting with Kagami and her mother to discuss business plans. We can intercept him after this.” 

Chat grit his teeth as he saw the next month of his life clearly detailed on the board. “You just said you wanted to treat him like a team member - yet you have his every step marked out?” 

“Chat! I’m doing my due diligence!” Ladybug yelled at him, sending a wave of discomfort amongst the team. “We want to intercept him there, this is where Chat and I will explain to him that we want him to become a part of the team. That we need help with Felix, and to show our trust, we will let him meet his friends behind the masks.” 

Before Chat could interject, Viperion jumped in. “Chat doesn’t seem comfortable with this plan. Maybe it would be better if I came with you.” 

“No, you’re not part of any of this.” Ladybug flatly responded. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know what is happening with you two, but I don’t want your conflict of interest tampering with our research.” 

The room began to bustle about the implications, but Viperion felt no desire to placate their inquiring minds. “This whole investigation is a conflict of interest! Are you going to tell Carapace that he’s not involved next?” 

“It’s not the same.” 

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! And you have no right to-,” Viperion’s fury was cut with Ladybug’s chilling anger. 

“I have every right to. I’m the leader. You’re not a part of this.” 

Chat’s claws pushed into his palms. 

“The plan,” Ladybug broke her leer with Viperion, “is that Chat and I will tell him, and we will organise the inevitable meeting afterwards. That way he knows we are working with him instead of against him.” 

“I’m not doing that.” Chat continued to push his anger into his palm, allowing his voice to come out flat. 

“Are you kidding me right now? So you just want to let Felix win? You selfish f-,” Chat pounced at her words. 

“Don’t you fucking dare. I have been with you from day one. If you’re going to trash on my ideas, don’t force me to participate in your ridiculous endeavours.” 

Carapace whispered into Rena’s ear, “the claws are coming out.” She jabbed his ribs as she studied Chat’s reaction. It was rare that he would stand up against Ladybug, especially with such conviction. 

“I’m trying to save Paris! And Adrien!”

“He’s not even worth saving! He plays this stupid Golden Boy act, but he’s really anything but.” Chat was not watching his tongue. “You obviously don’t know him very well if you have this idealistic view of him.” 

Carapace lunged to Adrien’s defence. “Hey! That’s my best friend, man! He is an amazing fucking dude!” 

“I’m glad that you guys love him, but I don’t want to be near him. He’s careless, vicious, and hurts anyone who gets close to him. I’m not interested in having a guy like that in my life.” 

Viperion’s eyes began to storm as he watched Chat’s anger emanate. Chat believed every word he said. 

“Don’t act like you know him! You know nothing!” Ladybug spat with each syllable. 

Rena observed the way Chat angled. Noticed how angry he was at the board. Saw how Viperion watched him while he tore into Adrien. “ENOUGH!” Everyone’s attention pulled to Rena. “Everyone, fill up your coffee, take five. Chat, I want to talk with you alone.” 

Ladybug growled at the idea of Rena removing Chat from the room. 

Rena clutched Chat’s wrist as the door closed behind them, leading him further from the room. 

“Rena, I just don’t want to be involved with-,” Rena cut Chat off by pulling out her flute. 

“Mirage!” A copy of Chat and Rena stood before them. 

She rapidly mumbled out a phrase. She glanced up at Chat as she spoke for him. Though her words had spilled out of her mouth at expert speed, they were slowed and filled with action on her illusion. Setting the voices to loop, she pulled Chat into a different exhibit.

“What is going on? Oh I get it.” Chat sneered up at Adrien’s wax imitation. 

Rena passively stood as Chat pounced around the statue, taking whatever jab he could. 

“You’re a fake! What even is that expression? Practised in the mirror a million times, I’m sure!” Chat pressed his nose against the imitation’s. 

“Adrien, stop.” Rena employed her final test. 

“No! Why does everyone love this guy so much?” 

Gotcha. 

As Chat continued to ramble, Rena brought him into an embrace. 

“What-,” Chat’s reaction was subdued by Rena’s strengthening of her hold.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this, Adrien.” She spoke softly, gripping him as tightly as she could. 

The great feline diminished in her hold. Someone else knew. With each person that found out, it felt like a weight was lifted from Adrien’s shoulders. 

“Okay,” Rena backed up, checking that Chat’s appearance was in order. “If you don’t go to meet Adrien, you are going to be expected to be on all the patrols while the rest deal with him.” 

“I can’t - I don’t know-,” Rena held up her flute. 

“You will be there. Go back in, pretend I smacked some sense into you, and agree to her plan.” 

Relieved, Chat nodded. They were able to return before their illusion’s first loop ended. For good measure, they waited until their staged conversation was over.

-

“So what happened last night?” Purple Tigress poked at Viperion as the meeting began to disperse. Her words fell on deaf ears as Viperion’s regard followed Chat. Seeing him diverge from the group, Viperion sprinted after him. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” Viperion asked in concern as Adrien sat feeding Plagg. 

“Rena knows, everything’s going to be fine.”

Viperion dropped to Adrien’s side in relief. “I’m glad to hear that, what about you? Those things you said in the room…” 

“It was nothing.” Adrien focused on the wall before him. 

Viperion reached his hand towards Adrien. Before he could begin his words of endearment, Adrien shoved off his arm. Shocked, Viperion asked what was wrong. 

“This,” Adrien motioned to Viperion’s outreached hand, “is not ‘just friends’.” His head began to pound. 

“Sorry - I just thought…” 

“No, if you don’t want to be w- argh - with m- fuck!” Adrien became infuriated at his inability to speak coupled with a splitting headache. 

“Are you okay?” Viperion longed to meet Adrien’s eyes, they often said more than his mouth could. 

Forcing himself through the pain, Adrien snarled at Luka. “Listen, you said just friends - so fuck off.” 

Wounded by Adrien’s cruel outburst, Viperion took his advice; he was gone before Adrien could get the chance to watch him leave. 

“That was harsh. It sounded like you two had a good morning.” Plagg floated before Adrien. 

“Were you taking a peak, Plagg? Didn’t realise you were such a voyeur.” Adrien’s playful side resurfaced. 

“It’s not like you gave us a warning before you started getting all gross! But seriously, why are you pushing away Snake Boy?” 

His body sank as he realised the gravity of his actions. What was he doing? He didn’t want Luka to leave him alone. 

“Kid, you’re bleeding!” Plagg anxiously spun around Adrien’s nose. 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” He rubbed the spot of blood against his forearm. “I used to get them all the time when I was younger. Just a little nosebleed.” 

Author's Note:

This is the conclusion of the first part! The next chapters should be coming along soon. I hope that everyone has enjoyed it so far - lemme know what you think!

Also, because I forgot to mention it last chapter, having bartended and speaking about the security at the party nearly gave me an aneurism. Not having strict security at the doors means that ID's aren't being properly checked - but I just chalked it up to the lives of the rich and famous.

Disclaimer * The characters and original plot were written and created by Thomas Astruc. This writing is merely an interpretation in a sad gay type of way.

[londonalozzy]

Stop Pretending (TFATWS)

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Summary: The reader thinks she's doing a stellar job of keeping her feelings for a certain soldier buried deep inside. Turns out, all it takes is an observant new friend to begin the unraveling of her most precious secret (Spoilers for TFATWS)

Masterlist

Word: Pretence

Definition: A way of acting that is intended to deceive people.

Example: Saying that he's just a friend when he's really the love of your life.

Your POV

Being caught in the midst of war is something that I, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)  know all too well. As a war vet, former shield agent, and now Avenger I'm used to being centered amongst conflict. When the fight begins within me though, a battle between what I want and what I think is right, how will I react? Will I listen to my heart, my head, or will the winner be chosen for me?

Delacroix, Louisiana.....

I love my sleep, always have, always will. It's not necessarily the comfort of the bed, the quiet or even the rest. It's the fact that I'm at peace when I sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, so anything that will put that off for as long as possible I savor.

I wish it were the same for a certain super soldier in my life. I look forward to going to bed, everything calms down then, and for most people it's the same. For Bucky however, it's when everything starts, the nightmares, the terrors, the seemingly unending darkness. If only I could take his pain away like he has with mine.

For the last few weeks, my life had, for want of a better word, been hectic. Hectic to say the least.

After the eventual defeat of Thanos and the loses we endured as a result, I thought naively that life might calm down a bit, that I'd have time to breathe, to live. How wrong I was.

It all began with John Walker being announced to the world as the new Captain America.

I was baking cookies with Morgan in the Stark family kitchen when it came over the radio. As that latest turn of events sunk in, my first thoughts were of Bucky, what that would do to him. Not even an hour later I had said my goodbyes and was on my way to help him get the shield back.

Since then even more had happened. We'd regrouped with Sam, busted Zemo out of prison which in turn ruffled the feathers of Ayo and the Dora Milaje. We came face to face with Morgenthou and the Flag Smashers, and finally witnessed the man who thought he could even compete with Steve, make himself judge, jury and most significantly executioner.

After that went around the world we knew we had to end it sooner rather than later. It couldn't get much worse than Captain America becoming a murderer. We got the shield back, which was a fight all in itself. Handed Zemo over to Ayo, to try and recompense for the distrust we'd instilled in the people who'd helped us so much. Then we travelled to stay with Sam and his family in Louisiana whilst we waited for Karli's next move.

This is where we found ourselves now, in the eye of it, the calm before the storm.

Waking up in the Wilson households guest room, I was greeted to the golden hue of the rising sun penetrating through the single glaze windows, and the melodic sounds of gulls on the hunt for their morning meal down by the docks.

Actually, no that's not right. What I could hear was most certainly not birds, and it was definitely not melodic. What were those boys doing?

Quickly and quietly I threw on the first clothes I could get my hands on and made my way downstairs towards the noise. What caught my attention when I discovered the source, was not the two youngest Wilson boys playing with our newly reacquired shield in the living room, but the super solider who was blissfully ignorant to it all, sleeping peacefully on the couch in front of them. I don't think I'd ever been so happy.

"Right you two, if you're determined to play Avengers all morning then I suggest you re-assemble in the back yard. You're gonna wake Bucky up," I whispered out in one breath, stepping between the boys, then placing my hands on their backs and tip toeing them towards the door.

"So what if we wake him up? It's gone 10am," Cass questioned in protest, pulling on his sneakers and jacket.

"Exactly! Which is why if you do as I say, I will make you the biggest plate of waffles for breakfast that you've ever seen."

The boys eyes lit up. "Can we have ice cream with it? Mum never lets us have ice cream for breakfast, and I'm sure there's a tub of Stark raving hazelnuts in the freezer," AJ clapped in muted excitement. "Oh, for God's sake.....Yes. You can have whatever you want if you get out of this house now and keep the noise down."

Once the boys were outside, I made my way over to the kitchen, stopping on the way to lean over my favourite senior citizen and make sure that he was still peaceful in his slumber. He'd never looked so relaxed, so at ease. It was a brand new Bucky I'd never seen before, a Bucky that had my heart pounding for him even more than it normally did. Not that he knew any of that.

Half an hour later and up to my elbows in waffle mix, I failed to notice my new friend and host Sarah making her way to my side at the counter, the huge smile on my face not going unnoticed. "What's got you grinning like the Cheshire cat, like I need to ask?"

"Bucky's sleeping. Isn't it amazing?" I spoke softly, bouncing up and down on my feet as I did so.

"And why is that?" She couldn't looked more confused if she tried.

"In all the years I've known him, I don't think I've ever woken up before he has. If his nightmares don't keep him awake all night, they normally have him up before the crack of dawn. I don't think I've ever seen him so still."

"Good answer," Sarah nodded in a hush, understanding why this meant so much to me, but not done yet with her morning interrogations, "Now on to my next question......"

"I'm already not liking the sound of this."

"Sleeping Beauty over there follows you around like a little puppy dog. He hangs on your every word, looks at you like you hung the stars or something. It's pretty obvious how crazy he is about you, so when are you gonna stop pretending that you're not head over heels in love with him?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Wilson," I smiled forcefully, making out like the waffle maker deserved my attention way more than the conversation I was being made to have.

This was all Sam's doing, without a shadow of a doubt. He'd tried to have this conversation with me on multiple occasions and I shut him down every time. He obviously hadn't given up like I thought he did, and decided to draft in his sister. He is seriously gonna regret it when I find him.

"Sure you know what I'm talking about. Sam sees it, I don't even know you that well and I see it. The only reason Bucky doesn't, is because he doesn't believe he could ever be that lucky. You're a smitten kitten." These Wilson's are all as annoying as each other.

Knowing I wasn't getting out of this one, I grabbed Sarah by the arm and pulled her right into the corner of the room, trying my best to keep this convo as private as possible. "Look, I'm not pretending.....I'm ignoring. There's a difference."

"Care to explain what that difference is?" Sarah spoke softly, but with a sarcastic air.

Turning to look over my shoulder at the subject of our conversation, making sure he was still safely in the land of nod, I decided to just be honest. Sarah was much like her brother. Once she wanted to get to the bottom of something she wasn't about to give up.

"I love Bucky, more than I've ever loved anyone...and that terrifies me," the rawness of finally being honest making my voice shake, and tears come to my eyes. "Nat was like my sister, and she's dead. Tony was the closest I've ever gotten to having a Dad...and he's dead too. Then there's Steve, Vision, God knows where Wanda is....Everyone I love, either leaves or dies. If I admit my feelings for Buck then I face the risk of losing him too."

"Do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now? He's not going to die because you love him (Y/N)."

Silent tears were falling now. I was revealing my deepest fears to a woman I'd only known a few days, and I'm not underplaying it when I say it was like a colossal weight off my chest, a release I didn't know I needed. "Believe me...I know, but I can't take that risk. I can't lose anyone else, especially not him."

"Let's just say for a second that you're right, that there is some higher power somewhere, set on destroying everyone you love. Do you really think ignoring your feelings is going to make them disappear?" I didn't know what to say to that. "Natasha and Stark died so that everyone could continue living, and (Y/N) you're not living as long as you keep this to yourself. They wouldn't want that for you."

"But what if I lose him?" I whispered with a choked sigh.

"Then at least he'll die knowing how you felt about him. After everything he's been through don't you think he deserves to know there's someone out there who loves him like you do?"

"Of course..."

Sarah's lips pulled upwards in a satisfied smirk, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze, "then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to tell him the truth."

"Why do all you Wilson's have to be so clever?" I voiced in mock irritation, pushing her away from me and acting like I was annoyed she had gotten one up on me.

"I don't know," she thought aloud and with a cheeky grin, grabbing a plate to start piling on the long forgotten waffles, "I think it might be the sea air or something."

"Nah, it's in the genes," I chuckled quietly, grabbing my jacket and deciding it was time to get this conversation wrapped up. "I'll go find Sam and the boys for breakfast. Clear my head a little bit."

"You promise you're gonna tell him?" Sarah stopped me as I went to push the door open.

"I'll think about it."

3rd person POV

Once (Y/N) was out of ear shot, Sarah couldn't help but start jumping up and down in excitement, clapping her hands loudly as she did so. That went even better than she thought it would, and she was so proud of herself. Sarah Wilson could now add matchmaker to her resume.

"Coast is clear Barnes. You can open your eyes now."

(Y/N) had no idea what she had metaphorically walked into just minutes earlier, entering that very revealing conversation with her overly inquisitive host.

What drew Sarah to come down that morning was the sounds of both the front porch door opening and the smell of homemade waffles wafting up the stairs. As she entered the kitchen she was met with two sights. One being (Y/N), facing the counter and looking very smiley, the other being a wide awake super soldier who was just laying on the couch and staring at her, the sole object of his affection. Sarah could work with this.

Every time (Y/N) turned back in his direction, Bucky would close his eyes and pretend to be asleep again. He had never slept so soundly, so peacefully, thoughts of (Y/N) and his new friends filling his nightmare free dreams.

He'd initially woken to (Y/N) ushering the boys outside because she was afraid they would wake him up. He didn't want to disappoint her by proving her right. Besides, he liked just watching her move around the kitchen, completely unaware he was observing her the whole time. He had no idea about the conversation that was just about to happen.

After (Y/N) had left and Sarah had confirmed so, Bucky sat himself up, his body shaking with adrenaline and a look of complete shock fixed on his face. Had he definitely woken up, or had the whole thing been a part of his dream? Did (Y/N) seriously just admit that she was in love with him?

Bucky didn't know how to react, didn't know what to say as he looked up at a smug Sarah from his spot. All he'd ever wanted was for (Y/N) to feel the same way about him as he did about her. Now he knew that she did.

"You're welcome by the way."

[spooderboyandtincan]

I wish you would write a fic... about the Superfamily 💖

“I want a baby.”

Steve looks up at his husband. “Tony, what the fuck?”

“A-a baby. A kid. A child.” Tony sits next to him on the couch. His eyes are shining with excitement.

“We can’t get pregnant,” Steve points out, turning back to the book in his hands. Tony grabs it and throws it on the coffee table. “Hey!”

“There are other- other options,” Tony says, grasping Steve’s hand tightly and staring into his baby blue eyes nervously. “Adoption. We could adopt.”

The supersoldier sighs, shaking his head. “Tones, we can’t take care of a baby. How about a dog? Or a cat, cats are always-”

“Steve, please,” Tony whispers, eyes suddenly filled with tears. Steve frowns and cups his husband’s cheeks. “I want a baby. Can you just- just please, think about it. Please.”

Steve is so shocked, by Tony’s tears, by the desperate tone in his voice, by the eagerness on every inch of his face, that he nods. “I will,” he promises.

The love, the relief, and the excitement in Tony’s eyes make it all worth it.

~~~~~

At first, Steve thinks Tony has forgotten about the whole baby thing.

He should have known better.

Two weeks later, Tony barges into the training room, breathing heavily, eyes wild.

“Tony, what the hell? What happened?” He hurries towards his husband. In lieu of greeting, Tony shoves a Starkpad into his hands.

“I found him,” he says breathlessly.

“Who?” Steve asks, still eyeing the other man worriedly. He still hasn’t looked at the Starkpad. Tony gestures to it in frustration.

“Our baby.”

Steve freezes. He looks at the pad.

It’s a series of emails from one Mary Parker. Apparently, she and her husband recently split up and she is no longer able to provide for her newborn son.

“Tony, honey…” he says slowly, apologetically. “I don’t know if we can take care of a baby.”

Something in Tony’s face breaks. “Right,” he whispers, more to himself than Steve. “Right, what-what was I thinking? We- I can’t be a father.” Steve opens his mouth, to apologize, to take it back, to do anything, but Tony turns before he can and walks back to the elevator.

Steve blinks back the tears in his eyes. He’s broken something inside of Tony, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Doesn’t know if he can, really.

He looks back at the Starkpad, re-reading the emails, filled with so much enthusiasm. We would love to adopt Peter! Can we meet him soon? and He’s perfect. He’s perfect for us. My husband and I can’t wait to meet him!

What have I done? Steve thinks.

He scrolls down, and finds a picture of a tiny- literally tiny, the kid could easily fit in his palm- baby, swaddled in a pink blanket with a soft hat on his head. He’s covered in wires and tubes, but even Steve has to admit it- he looks perfect.

~~~~~

Tony won’t talk to him. It’s fair, but it hurts all the same. When they get ready for bed, Tony opens his mouth for the first time in hours and informs him that he’s sleeping on the couch.

Steve knows he deserves it.

The next morning, JARVIS tells him that Tony is in the lab and should not be disturbed. Is it Steve’s imagination, or does the AI sound colder than usual?

They can’t take care of a baby, though. Raising a tiny human for 18+ years? They just can��t do that.

Right?

He pulls up the picture of the baby- no, Peter.

What harm is there in meeting him? he thinks.

Tony ignores the knocking (pounding) on the lab's reflective glass walls until Steve finally shouts “I wanna meet Peter!”

The door slides open. “Really?” Tony says, disbelief clear in his voice.

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Yeah, I really do.”

Tony stares at him, then bursts into tears, sinking into his chest weakly. Steve does his best to soothe him before realizing that these are happy tears, relieved ones, and that Tony couldn’t stop crying even if he tried.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks his husband gently. Tony laughs, shakes his head. “Tony.”

“I know, I know. I just couldn’t.”

Steve frowns sadly. “I’m sorry, Tony.”

The billionaire just shrugs. “Maybe you were right.”

“I wasn’t,” Steve says firmly, waiting until their eyes meet. “You’re gonna be a great father. We can do it.”

Tony stares back at him, and Steve realizes suddenly how terrified his spouse is. “We can do it,” he says again.

“We can do it,” Tony echoes, and maybe, just for a second, he believes him.

~~~~~

From the instant they lay eyes on Peter, they’re both hooked. He’s even tinier in person, with rosy cheeks, thin brown curls, beautiful big doe eyes, with ten tiny little fingers and ten tiny little toes.

He has a breathing tube, which nearly sends Tony into a panic attack until Mary explains that it’s only there for a few more days, just in case. Now Tony is terrified that Peter will get sick and won’t be able to breathe, but Mary assures him that he’s been stable for a few days now and should be fine.

Tony marvels at the fact that this tiny human is only five days old. Only five days in the world, and already so much has happened. “He’s beautiful,” he whispers, gazing down into the incubator. Steve squeezes his shoulder.

Mary smiles. “You can hold him, if you want,” she says.

“Really?!” Tony gasps, suddenly filled with excitement and terror. “Is-is it safe?”

“Wouldn't lie to you, would I?” the woman laughs, and plucks Peter out of the incubator. “Here ya go.”

Tony’s hands are shaking as he accepts the baby, cradling the tiny body to his chest gingerly, horrified he might somehow hurt this precious child. “You got it,” Mary says.

Tony looks at Peer- really looks at him, taking in the pale freckles on the bridge on his nose, his cupid’s bow lips, his dainty little eyelashes and his adorable chocolate eyes. “Hey,” he murmurs, voice cracking. “Hi, Peter. Hiya, Pete. I-I’m your dad, baby. I’m Dad.” Tears are streaming down his face, and he sniffs loudly. Peter blinks a little and makes a curious cooing noise. “Sorry, honey. So sorry.” He’s starting to sob now, but he doesn’t want to let his baby go. Steve wraps an arm around his shoulders and grasps Peter’s hand between the pad of his thumb and his pointer finger.

“Hey Peter,” he says. He’s not great with emotions, especially with a stranger around, even though Mary seems like a wonderful woman. “Nice to meetcha, kiddo. I’m, um- I’m your other dad. I’m your Papa.” He’s crying now too. They’re both wondering how they ever could have lived before this sweet child came into their lives, and it’s barely been five minutes.

Tony laughs, sobs, and laughs again. “He’s perfect,” he says to Mary, who has been staring at a painting across the hall politely.

She grins. “Glad to hear it. I’d hate for this little guy to go into foster care. You two seem like you’re gonna be great dads.”

The rest of the hour feels like a blur for the two new parents, the only thing solid each other and their baby boy. They sign adoption papers numbly, Tony still cradling the baby in his arms. They get a quick instruction on how to change diapers, prepare bottles, deal with fevers, earaches, and teething, and then they’re in the car with Happy, Peter strapped into a carseat, finally going home.

They haven’t had time to set up a nursery, really, they haven’t had time for anything. Happy buys them a bassinet, a mobile, and a shit ton of baby food and baby formula.

They sit on the couch together, Peter once again in Tony’s arms, fast asleep. There are going to be a lot of hurdles ahead, a lot of crying, a lot of worrying, but above all, a lot of love.

“I love you so much, Peter,” Tony whispers.

“I love you too, Peter,” Steve whispers.

~~~~~

ST*RKERS DNI

~~~~~

Taglist: @aj-that-person @tonystark-deserves-better @nathaly-ab @skeeter-110 @peter-and-tony-vlogs @teammightypen @joyful-soul-collector @loveliestdisappointment @depuella @scwene-qween @honeythepooh @pixiethefirecat7 @spider-man-lover @jami161 @bringitonvoldie @queen-of-sarcasm-25 @roxy3457 @memilon @iron-loyalty @gralaca @bitchingpretty @pillowspace @thatminecraftgal @clockworkteacup @hatakehikari @wtfischeese @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @skydiving-without-a-parachute @yansi1923 @slytherin-hamilton-life-12  @dead-inside-pt2 @name-me-regret @zanderljones @spidy8664 @hold-our-destiny @tinystark-blog @bittersweetbeneath

If anyone wants to be added/ removed please let me know! (also, i think i missed a few people, and a few usernames have been changed, pop me a quick message so i can add you again!)

[samanthadalton]

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you. 

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it) 

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊) 

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any) 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on 

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.” 

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.” 

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk. 

“I know you wanted to tell-” 

“We need to talk-” 

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another. 

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk. 

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.” 

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.” 

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?” 

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.” 

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?” 

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?” 

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless. 

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.” 

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?” 

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.” 

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.” 

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-” 

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-” 

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?” 

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.” 

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.” 

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile. 

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all. 

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?” 

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes. 

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?” 

“Bea my dad-” 

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.” 

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.” 

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.” 

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.” 

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.” 

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.” 

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?” 

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.” 

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own. 

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought. 

…. 

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her. 

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender. 

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out. 

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest. 

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion. 

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?” 

“Bea, I- I can explain-” 

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.” 

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.” 

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.” 

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.” 

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.” 

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.” 

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.” 

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow. 

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?” 

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’ 

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment. 

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.” 

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.” 

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.” 

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.” 

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?” 

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.” 

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.” 

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.” 

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.” 

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.” 

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?” 

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.” 

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing,  “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.” 

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away. 

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!” 

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands. 

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?” 

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.” 

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea. 

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together. 

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention. 

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?” 

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear. 

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.” 

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?” 

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.” 

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?” 

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.” 

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move. 

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy. 

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,” 

“You don’t think it’s too much red?” 

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.” 

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.” 

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready. 

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.” 

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests. 

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces. 

“What the hell is this crap?” 

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea. 

“We have way better beer in the south side.” 

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?” 

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters. 

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.” 

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-” 

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.” 

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?” 

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.” 

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her. 

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says. 

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in. 

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends. 

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.” 

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 132

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 3,065ish

Summary: The aftermath of Thanos’ snap.

It was like the universe had just crashed into her. The weight she was feeling was absolutely crushing. Y/N’s had went up to her chest, as began to feel like she was choking. 

“Y/N,” Steve called as he rushed up from where he was sitting and to her. “Y/N, look at me.”

But Y/N didn’t respond. Her vision was blurry and she wasn’t able to hear anything. It was like all her senses had gone numb. Y/N’s strangled breathing was getting louder, more noticeable, more struggle some. She was trembling as everyone surrounded her.

“It was… I was… I was su-supposed to… stop this,” she choked out. “I… fa—failed…”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Nat quickly said, getting down in Y/N’s line of sight. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You tried your best, like everyone else.”

Y/N’s heart was pounding and she could feel a burning in her chest. Like a growing ball of power just waiting to be unleashed.

“I can’t—“ Y/N’s voice broke as tapped her chest. “There’s… this pain… it wants to be let out…”

“We need to see who’s left,” Steve stated, standing up and looking around.

“Steve, you stay here with Y/N,” Rhodey said taking over. “The rest of us will check out the kingdom.”

“No, I’m coming—“

“Steve,” Natasha reprimanded, standing to met Steve. “You haven’t seen her in two years. She’s your sister and she’s struggling.”

“We all are.”

“Bastard,” Y/N panted, trying to calm her breathing. She looked up at Steve, glaring. “You bastard… you will never understand, will you?” Shakily, Y/N pushed herself up, with Rhodey rushing to help steady her. “The world doesn’t revolve around you… and your wants and needs. There are other people in this world… and your actions affect them… whether you even notice it or not.” She tore from Rhodey’s helping grip, still not all that stable. “I don’t need to be watched over…” She stumbled as she went up to him, pointing a finger in his chest. “Especially by you… Not anymore.”

“Y/N, just listen to me—“

“I’m done listening to you, Steve! Done!”

“Hey, Y/N,” Rhodey said, softly, trying to pull her attention to him. “Let’s go together and check the battlefield for survivors.”

Keeping a hard glare at her brother, she let Rhodey lead her away.

~~~

All of the leaders of Wakanda had been turned to dust, leaving Okoye as the only option to lead the small, yet advanced, country. People were crying out, screaming, so incredibly shaken up. And if it was this bad in Wakanda, knowing that the rest of the universe had experienced this as well made Y/N heart break more than it already had.

Rhodey was keeping a watchful eye on her. Though all it took was one look away to help someone and Y/N had disappeared. She reappeared outside of Bucky’s hut, tears flooding her eyes as she looked around. Even half the goats were gone. 

Entering the small hut, Y/N ran her hand along the wall. She tried to calm herself as tears slipped down her face. She looked around the small kitchen and living area before heading to the bed room. The bed was unmade, not surprising. Slowly, Y/N laid herself on the bed. She laid on her side and grabbed Bucky’s pillow. Holding it closer to her, she dug her nose into the pillow, taking in his unique scent. That’s when she let loose, sobs wracked her body as the weight of what happened fully crushed her.

“Guys,” Rhodey called over the comms, “anyone have eyes on Y/N?”

“You lost her?!” Steve panicked.

“I turned away for a split second and she disappeared.”

“She has a room in the palace,” Okoye told Steve as she stood bedside the Captain. “We should check there.”

Steve ran with Okoye to Y/N’s room, only to find it empty.

“Y/N?” Steve called, frantically searching the room. “Y/N!”

“She’s not here,” Okoye stated. “There’s only one other place in Wakanda I could see her going. Other than that…”

“She could be anywhere… tell me where you think she could be?”

Okoye didn’t even get the words all the way out of her mouth before Steve was racing down the hall and out of the place. Pushing himself to the absolute limits, he ran to Bucky’s hut. He had known since Siberia that he had been a terribly awful brother. Today only proved it. But to think that Y/N had left, to do who knows what, was terrifying him. Breathing heavily, Steve came to a sliding stop in front of Bucky’s hut.

“Y/N?!” Steve shouted, rushing into the hut. “Y/N!”

“What do you want, Steve?” Her voice was soft, yet rough and clearly in pain.

“You disappeared without saying anything.”

“Why do you care?”

“Y/N…” He sighed. “I… I need to apologize.” Y/N scoffed. “I do.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry for my attitude earlier… I was just… they disappeared right in front of us.”

“You don’t think I get that? It felt like I was dying…. Again…”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m sorry for the last two years as well, for not reaching out. Being on the run—“

“I was on the run too, Steve. From more than you would even know… do you even know what happened to me?” Steve and Y/N made eye contact, his eyes showing clear concern. “I… I was pregnant in Siberia.”

“What?” He questioned softly.

“He was a boy… AJ… I lost him the same day.”

“I didn’t—why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I was trying to keep you all from killing each other… it cost me everything for a while there… now it looks like I’ve lost everything again.”

“No.” Steve quickly took hold of one of his sisters’ hands. “You haven’t lost me. Not ever again.”

“I love Bucky and I love— Tony.” Y/N snapped up. “Oh my gosh, Tony!”

Without even thinking, she portaled both her and Steve to Titan. The breeze on the planet was floating their hair in the wind and what Y/N could only hope was ash.

“Tony!” Y/N screamed. “Tony! Peter!” She pulled her hand away from Steve’s and began running around. “Tony! Peter!”

Steve followed her, looking around as well. His heart grew heavier and heavier the more they continued to search and find no one. 

“T-Tony…” Y/N’s voice broke as she began to cry. “T-Tony…” 

She let out a heartbreaking cry of pain as she collapsed onto her knees. Steve rushed over to help her only to be blasted back by a wave of energy exploding out of Y/N. The whole planet tremble as the wave of energy rippled out. Steve crawled over to his sister and pulled her into his chest.

“They—they’re gone,” she sobbed, clutching to him. “They’re gone…”

~~~

When Steve and Y/N showed up in Wakanda again, everyone that was left was waiting in the palace for them. Y/N was still holding onto Steve. Natasha gave him a worried and questioning look, only to receive a sad shake of his head. Natasha flew Steve, Y/N, Rhodey, Rocket, Thor, and Bruce back to the Avengers Compound in upstate New York. 

It was empty, with a few piles of ash here and there to remind the remaining team members of what happened. Nat, needing to keep herself busy, immediately went looking for Fury and others that they knew. She got a location on his vehicle in New York City and immediately left with Rhodey.

Steve guided Y/N to her bedroom, which she had shared with Tony. He opened the door only for her to freeze in the doorway. She stared at the room, looking around as the overwhelming smell of Tony filled her senses.

“I can’t…” she said softly before swallowing. “I can’t stay in here…”

“Okay,” Steve responded with and. “You can stay with me in my room—“

“I want to be alone.”

Steve sighed. “Y/N—“

“I'll take a guest room.” 

She pulled herself out of Steve’s hold and headed towards another hall. Steve stood there, watching Y/N walk down the hall until she disappeared into a room. He sighed before turning back and looking at Tony’s room, slowly shutting the door.

~~~ 

Natasha and Rhodey couldn’t find Fury but they found an old pager that Natasha had sworn Fury kept on him. She brought it to Bruce who immediately began running tests on it. With really no government left, the remaining team members set out a request to all the countries to do a population count. 

None of them could get Y/N out of her room, or even open the door in the days that slowly followed. The only reason they knew she was alive was because of FRIDAY. But there was a catch, Y/N had FRIDAY covering for her was she searched Titan for any sign of those she fought beside. Cause unlike with Bucky, she didn’t see Tony disappear. So she would continue to have a sliver of hope that he was still out there until she saw proof with her own eyes.

Y/N would only come home when she was hungry and when she felt extremely tired. Her powers were taking a lot from her, especially as of late. It’s like she could feel that the Stones were tired from the amount energy they used to snap away half the universe. 

It had been about a week and a half since Thanos snapped when Y/N finally exited the room, letting the others see her. Everyone was surprised to see her, but they didn’t quickly jump on her and overwhelm her. Quietly, Y/N grabbed some food before joining Nat and Steve in a side room. They were watching hologram numbers continue to rise as the population counts and death tolls came in.

“This is a nightmare,” Steve stated.

“I’ve had better nightmares,” Natasha replied.

“I’ve been searching Titan,” Y/N said quietly, playing with her food. Nat and Steve’s heads snapped in her direction. “There’s nothing, except…”

“Except what?” Steve pressed gently.

“It’s probably nothing, but… one of the ships are missing. But since I’ve never been inside the ship or got a good look at it, I can’t reach it… I think someone survived.”

Steve came over and knelt in front of his sister, putting a caring hand on her knee. “If anyone survived and got a ship to work, it would be Tony. If he’s out there, we’ll find him.”

“Hey,” Rhodey called, coming into the room. The other three turned to look at him. “So that thing just stopped doing whatever the hell it was doing.”

Rhodey, Nat, Y/N, and Steve hurried to where Bruce was analyzing the pager.

“What do we have?” Y/N asked.

“Whatever the signal is sending, it finally creeped off,” Bruce answered.

“I thought we bypassed the battery,” Steve stated.

“We did,” Rhodey responded. "It's still plugged in, it just... it just stopped.”

“Reboot and send the signal again.”

“We don't even know what this is,” Bruce said.

“Fury did,” Natasha replied. “Just do it, please. You tell me the second you get a signal. I want to know who's on the other end of that thing.”

Natasha turned around only to freeze in her tracks. The others quickly spun around to see a woman standing in front of them.

“Where’s Fury?” The woman asked.

“Why do you want to know?” Rhodey retorted.

“Cause he paged me. And I was in the middle of helping people when half of them turned to ash.”

“He turned to ash as well,” Y/N said. 

“Damn it. Do we know who did th—“

“Thanos,” Steve cut in. “With the Infinity Stones, he snapped away half of the universe.”

“What’s the plan then?”

“Right now, we’re trying to get a list of the dead,” Natasha explained. “And find any of our team members that could be alive.”

“Wait,” Y/N stopped everyone. “How do you know Fury?”

“We worked together a few years back to stop the world from being destroyed,” the woman answered. “How do you all know Fury?”

“Basically for the same reason. Y/N Rogers,” Y/N held her hand out to shake.

The woman took it. “Carol Danvers.” Everyone went around the room introducing themselves. “So, what can I help with?”

Without prying in Carol’s mind too much, Y/N knew what she was capable of doing. “I need you to find a space ship.”

A few confused “what’s” and “whys” were heard from the group. Steve put a supportive hand on her back.

“A few of our friends fought Thanos on Titan,” Steve explained. “Y/N’s been there a few times since, trying to find them.”

“There was a ship on the planet,” Y/N continued. “It’s now gone. I believe that one of our friends survived.”

“I can go and check,” Carol sad with a nod.

“You think Tony may have survived?” Rhodey asked.

“I do,” Y/N answered. “But there’s only one way to find out.”

~~~

Another week and a half passed and there had been no news from Carol, which only began to increase Y/N’s worry. She tried to throw herself into helping with other things, only to be quickly distracted. Night had fallen, not that the days were all that bright anyway, and Steve was standing there, arms crossed, watching Y/N walk towards the river. He had been trying his best to be a better brother, but he knew he couldn’t fix what Y/N had lost. And, in all honesty, he was praying that Tony would be found alive. Steve didn’t want to know what would happen if he wasn’t. Natasha soon joined him.

“How’s she doing?” She asked, looking Y/N’s way.

Steve sighed, shaking his head. “I’m scared,” he told her honestly. “We haven’t heard from Carol in a week and a half. If she can’t find the ship… or if Tony’s not on the ship… I don’t want to think about how much she’ll be hurting.”

“She’ll get through it, she always does.”

“Yeah, but when is enough, enough?” The friends watched Y/N in silence for a while before Steve spoke up again. “Did you—did you know about the baby?”

“I did.”

“And you didn’t say anything?”

“It wasn’t my place, Steve. I wasn’t the one pregnant. Would it have changed anything for you anyway?” Steve clenched his jaw, unable to look at Natasha. “Thought so. You were going to go against the Accords and protect Bucky anyway.”

Over where Y/N was walking, she felt exhausted. She knew that she was being watched, but didn’t care. She was trying to clear her head and hoping that she might catch sight of Carol and, hopefully, others returning. Suddenly, Y/N stopped. Her breath hitched as she felt like someone had got into there body and grabbed her heart. Something was wrong. Failing to turn around and call for Steve, she collapsed on her knees.

“Y/N?” She heard Steve’s voice, but it was like it was underwater.

Like her heart was being quickly ripped from her chest, Y/N let out a horrible cry of pain. A wave of power exited from her, shaking the buildings and nature as it rippled out. Falling unconscious, Y/N fell sideways, blood trailing out of her nose and ears.

“Y/N!” Natasha and Steve shouted, rushing towards her.

Sliding in on his knees beside her, Steve lifted Y/N into his arms. Both him and Nat stared in horror as blood trickled out of Y/N. The others, feeling the trembling, came running out to meet them.

“Steve, we need to get her inside,” Bruce instructed. “Fast!”

Not another second was wasted. Steve sprinted inside, with Y/N extremely limp in his arms and the others close behind him. Bruce and Natasha worked together to get Y/N hooked up to all the necessary machines.

“What’s going on?” Thor asked, worried. He had lost everything, he didn’t want to lose anymore friends.

“I don’t know,” Bruce answered. “With her abilities tied to the Infinity Stones, it only makes sense that they would be unpredictable.”

“How do we help her?” Steve wondered.

“We wait. That’s all we can do.”

~~~

Tony shakily reached forward to turn on his busted helmet. He was sitting on the floor of the Guardians ship. The weight of the events could be felt in the air. He was extremely skinny, as it was obvious that he wasn’t getting what he needed to survive. Tony sighed as he tapped the helmet.

“This thing on?” He questioned. The helmet scanned him as he leaned against the wall, all while taking deep breaths. “Hey, Miss Rogers…. Y/N. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tear-jerker. I don't know if you're ever going to see these. I don't even know if you're... if you're still... Oh god, I hope so. Today is day 21, uh 22. You know, if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into a void of space, I'd say I'm feeling better today. The infection's run its course, Thanks to the blue meanie back there. You'd love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic. Some fuel cells were cracked during battle, but we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge to buy ourselves about 48 hours of time. But it's now dead in the water. We're 1000 light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow. And that'll be it. And Y/N/N, honey, I... I know I said no more surprises, but I was really hoping to pull off one last one. But it looks like... well you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks, and then move on with enormous guilt… I should probably lie down. Please know that... when I drift off, I will think about you. Because it's always you. And… I’ll say hi to our son for you… I love you.”

next chapter >

NOTES: from now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2​. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Forever Doesn’t Measure

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses fic

Part 3 here

warnings: angst, crying, pregnancy, small argument, and I think that’s all

You sit at the island bar, basking in the sweet sounds of Nolan laughing along with Mat. He’s laid out on the rug, the boy playing with cars and using Mat as a racing track. All while AJ is sleeping peacefully in the pack and play. It transports you back to certain moments of happiness, moments you wish you could always live in.

You make eye contact with Mat and it’s like he takes a skinny dip inside your mind, because he gives you a longing smile. You can see it in his eyes that he knows what you’re thinking about.

The peace doesn’t last too long when AJ wakes up in tears; it’s his feeding time. You’re quick to settle on the couch, your baby boy nestled in your arms under a blanket, happily sucking away. It’s your last month of breastfeeding before weaning him off, knowing that he can’t just not visit with Mat during his allotted time.

You focus on Angel’s blond hair and soft cheeks, distracting yourself from thinking about how you were once a married mom, but now a single one.

Mat’s body sitting beside you on the couch makes you look away from the baby. He peers at you with a softness that you’ve almost forgotten.

“Hey, thanks for inviting me. It really means a lot to be here with the boys and you,” he says, knowing that spending the Christmas holiday together is important.

You honestly didn’t want to because almost 2 weeks ago you were tagged in pictures of him and a girl together, who you assumed was his friend from home. However, the thought of your boys not seeing their father took away all your anger. You didn’t need to ruin their lives even more.

“The boys miss you a lot, and it isn’t fair to them for you not to be here.”

“I miss them, too, everyday. I miss being on morning duty. Believe it or not, it’s one of my favorite parts of being a parent,” he admits. You faintly smile, thinking about all the times Mat would come back to bed with either one of his twins or both.

“You still have morning duty,” you point out, your free hands brushing AJ’s hair to avoid reaching out for Mat.

“Yeah, for like every other week. It’s not the same. Especially because you’re not there with me,” your heart hurts at his words.

“Is this your way of saying you miss me?” You tease, desire taking over when your hand reaches out to brush his hair away from his forehead.

“Of course I miss you,” he says simply, holding your hand in his. The way his thumb sweeps over your knuckles is pure bliss.

You tilt your head towards him while letting it rest back against the couch, eyelashes fluttering and eyes glued on him. Your innocent looks breaks him down into mush.

“I miss you, too,” you say, growing shy and looking down to avoid his stare. He only guides your face to his, lips connecting in a blurring passion. You try to lean into him, but with your baby pressed to your chest, it’s kind of hard. Mat does the job, though, scooting close to you to the point you’re practically wrapped in his arms.

Your tongue seeks entrance to his mouth, prodding the seam of his lips to make its way to dance with his tongue. You have the innate need to explore his mouth as you haven’t done so in a while. He feels the same way.

“Daddy! Daddy, look!” Nolan’s shouts make the both of you jump away from each other, in a state of shock at what just happened.

“Wow, little man! That’s so cool,” Mat clears his throat before complimenting Nolan’s favorite toy that he’s showing off.

“Um… I need to burp Angel and put him down for a nap. I’ll be back,” you mutter before scurrying upstairs.

The second you’re gone, Mat notices your phone going off, and without thinking about it, he picks it up to see who messaged you.

Tito: Happy holidays! I’m so glad we finally got to see you and the boys. Angel is perfect. I miss you guys. Hopefully we can have another visit soon.

Mat frowns at the message, not aware that you flew to Vancouver to visit Anthony.

“AJ went to sleep right away. I swear I can just watch him sleep all the time,” you gush, not knowing what you’re walking into.

“You went to Vancouver?” He asks immediately, catching you off guard.

Your mouth opens and closes, truly not knowing what to say.

“Um… yeah. I took the boys to go visit Tito and Emma. It was only for a few days,” you say softly.

“How could you?” Mat asks incredulously.

“What’s the big deal?”

“We were supposed to introduce Angel to them together,” he reminds you of the detail you stupidly ignored.

“Well, we aren’t together anymore, so it shouldn’t matter,” your voice is in a whisper, hoping that Mat will get the hint to not yell.

“It does matter. He’s my best friend, not yours,” he spits out.

You fight the tears willing to slip down your cheeks.

“I’m tired of you saying hurtful things to me! I’m tired of you breaking my heart,” he tells you.

“Breaking your heart? What about the girl you went on a date with? Huh? That friend from home? Yeah, I saw those pictures of you two together,” you inform him.

“It wasn’t a date! She is a friend from home, one that has a girlfriend, but I guess you didn’t see her in those pictures. And what does it matter if I was on a date, we’re not together anymore,” he throws your words in your face.

Your hands gravitate to your stomach out of instinct, holding on to the soon to be last piece of Mat that you’ll ever have. You can feel your heart cracking, knowing that most of this is your fault. You’re the one to blame.

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter. You’re free to date whoever you want. I’m sorry for saying hurtful things to you. I don’t hate you, I hate myself. Excuse me, but I think I’m going to take a nap. I’ll be down in time for dinner, just please watch Nols and keep an ear out for Angel,” you whisper, voice hoarse and ego crumbled.

You drag yourself upstairs, heading to your closet to pull on a large hoodie that you sneakily took from Mat before you moved out. Undressing out of your outfit, you put your hair up in a messy bun, and cuddle into your bed. Sleep takes over your body in less than a second. You hope you have dreams of your family being all together again.

Mat’s upset with himself for making you cry. To keep the picture of you heartbroken out of his mind, he starts completing miscellaneous tasks around the house, something he knows you’d appreciate. He’s lucky to get Nolan down for a nap even if it’s for 20 minutes. He takes a load of laundry upstairs to fold and put away. As he’s putting some of your clothes in your drawer he finds your paperwork confirming your pregnancy. To say he’s shocked is an understatement. A flurry of thoughts rush through his mind, tears starting to cloud his eyes at the secret you’ve been keeping. He’s not upset with you for not telling him, but at the fact that he has been missing out on the journey so far.

He exits your walk-in closet, coming face to face with your sleeping form. No one can stop him as he strides over to what would be your side of the bed- you’re asleep on his side -and lets his body sink next to yours. You’re on your side, facing away from him, so once he settles he nudges your body to turn into his hold. Your face connects with his chest, an arm holding onto him while one of your legs tangles with his. Eventually you end up on top of him, the natural instinct taking over. Besides, his warmth is to die for.

He allows his fingers to card through your mess bun; the urge to comfort you, strong. He watches your features as they are contorted into something resembling peace. You never see it, but Angel and Nolan look like you when you’re asleep. Both boys share that same blissful smile with you when sleep takes over. Mat first noticed it when Nolan was around one year old, and now he sees it all the time.

Light, pounding footsteps alert Mat, Nolan is making his way to the room.

“Mommy?”

“Mommy is sleeping, buddy. What’s up?”

“I hungry!”

“I know. We’ll start dinner in a little bit. Why don’t you lay with me for a bit,” Mat makes enough room for Nolan to cuddle with you both, you ending back on Mat’s side, facing him while your arms are still around him.

His eyes start to sting, thinking about another baby with you. He is so excited. His hand travels to your stomach, alerting you in the process. Your eyes pop open and you stare into his beautiful eyes. You know he knows. It’s as if anything but you touched your stomach, you immediately go into protective mode.

“Another baby, eh?”

“Another baby,” you confirm. He just smiles, eyes closed and lips closed, but the smile is so happy and a little smug.

Your one arm falls to rest around his waist, relishing in the small contact you have with his bare skin from where his shirt rides up.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t,” you shake your head fast and repeatedly, swearing away the thoughts of telling him before this moment. “I just couldn’t tell you. We had just broken up, and I was so shocked about the news. I just didn’t want to disappoint you even more. Even Tito said I should wait,” you say rushing through your words.

Mat’s face falls and for a minute you’re confused until you realize why. You told Tito before Mat.

No no no.

“You told Tito before me?” He asks surprised and hurt, immediately getting up and your hand latches into his waist to keep him close to you, but he’s stronger and upset. He rips himself out of your hold, disturbing Nolan in the process.

He stands, pacing a bit, one hand through the hair and the other rubbing at his neck. Those actions stop when he realizes Nolan is watching his every move, so he picks up Nolan as if he’s a protective blanket, constantly playing with his hair and kissing his head.

“Don’t be mad at Tito, please. It was word vomit. I didn’t mean to actually tell him,” you explain.

“But you still did,” Mat finishes, walking downstairs and leaving you alone with more guilt than you can handle.

You stay in bed for no more than 10 minutes, forcing yourself to get up and attend to Angel. Once he’s all changed and settled, you make your way downstairs. The air is tense beyond measure. Mat is prepping the kitchen, but takes over with AJ to let you cook as he isn’t the best.

From the time of cooking and preparing to eating, everything is silent except for the scrapes of the utensils against the plates and chewing.

Mat sits across from you, holding Angel in his lap. He’s so small compared to Mat’s arms. You start to think about just how much time Angel is missing out with him and vice versa. That’s how it’ll most likely be with the new baby, too. You don’t even realize your tears are falling until Mat is seating himself next to you to comfort you. You can only push yourself away from him. You don’t deserve his affection.

“I love you. Don’t push me away,” he whispers in your ear.

You only shake your head in response, and for the rest of dinner, you’re both silent, just watching the boys.

As you and Mat clean up around each other, you ponder how things should go from here. How will it work with you being pregnant? At the sink, you feel his arms cage you in. His tall, strong frame surrounds you. His breath flows out his mouth and down the back of your neck. You ward off the chills that sensation brings you. His head leans down, forehead resting on your shoulder. His hands move to rest on your stomach. It’s at that moment when you break down completely. Your body goes limp as your silent cries take over, but his body flows seamlessly with yours, so he has you in his hold before you hit the ground.

“Don’t do this, Mat,” you say.

“Don’t do what?” His face frowns in confusion, eyes searching desperately for yours for a clue.

“Don’t forgive me or love me just because I’m pregnant. I don’t want you to be with me for the sake of the kids,” you sob out.

“What about wanting to be together for the sake of us? I love you and I will never stop loving you,” he says so sure.

You turn to look at him when you feel droplets hitting your blouse and soaking your skin through the fabric.

“You’re breaking my heart. Please don’t,” he mutters.

“I love you,” you say for the first time in what feels like forever.

“I love you.”

“I want to be with you. Please. I want you. I want our family. I fucked up so badly. I don’t hate you. I love you. I overreacted about the whole nanny situation and I’m a fucking mess, but I need you. I want you,” you practically chant as you break through your stubborn walls.

“You didn’t overreact. I was being an asshole. I’m sorry. I love you. I want you. I want our family,” he says, sealing his lips to yours. It’s a kiss that can bring you back to life. A kiss that only gives you that fleeting emotion. A kiss that only Mat can give you.

“Mommy?” You hear Nolan calling out for you, so you break away from Mat.

He looks at you with a hint of worry, but more loving than anything.

“You ‘kay?” He forces himself between you and Mat, your face held in between his little hands. He looks at you with a look that you’ve only ever see on Mat when he’s making sure everything is good.

“Yes, baby. Mommy is okay. Mommy is happy,” you breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that you aren’t lying anymore. Pulling yourself off the ground with help from Mat and your little man, you bring all your boys into your arms on the couch. You feel like you can finally breathe again.

You and Mat make eye contact once more, fighting and breaking through each other’s walls- even though yours are more of a struggle to get through. You hate the way you treated him over the few months of separation, but there is nothing more healing than love being shared, love being felt, and love being created.

a/n: I’m so sorry this took long, but I hope you all love it! Thank you all for all the love and kind words<3

taglist: @literatureluster

[hunflowers]

Golden

Word Count: 15.3k

Requested? I don’t remember, but you always can here :)

Mood Board

A/N: Lord, have mercy SHE’S FINALLY HERE!!!!! My baby Golden is finally out to the public and can I just say how fucking relieved I am to post it. I love her, I hope you do too <3 little warning: there are mentions of panic attacks in here, and a heart condition (that i did my best to research on) so if you’re uncomfortable, pls don’t read. 

special thanks to my soul baby @stylesloveclub​ for being my biggest support system with this, she’s dedicated to you <3

for anyone reading this, please reblog! it really helps us writers out. okay onward friends!!! lemme know how i did and if you like it *nose boops*

Water. The ocean. Waves. The tide.

Symbolic of life, birth. Can be used to wash away even the most troubling of sins.

O’ahu, Hawaii, home to some of the best surfing destinations in the state, in the country, in the world. Also home to one of the best surfers in the state, in the country, in the world. 

Y/N didn’t coin herself that. Not that she’s complaining about it, but she doesn’t surf for the title. She surfs for the freedom. She feels the most alive when her toes dig into the sand as she runs towards the warm, salt oblivion, her novelty yellow and blue surfboard tucked under her arm.

Her whole life she had been surrounded by water. When she was a baby, she always wanted a bath. When she was a toddler, she always wanted to stay in the kiddie pool. And then she got into surfing, and well, the rest is history so-to-speak. Her parents never got themselves involved in the sport professionally but more as a recreational activity. And it was even how they met, so really there was no stopping surfing from flowing through Y/N’s blood.

Her backyard was the ocean, so growing up, it was really the only thing for her to do. It’s what all the kids were doing, and Y/N was no different. She met her best friends on the beach when they were five years old, practicing the basics of surfing, like getting up on the board and finding their balance with the Earth.

Kalani and AJ, two of the best surfers Y/N will ever meet, and two of the purest souls to ever grace her life. They’re madly in love with one another. Have been for as long as they’ve been friends -- so coming up on sixteen years. Y/N is in awe of their relationship, she really is, but being a third-wheel isn’t exactly something she signed up for. Though, she kind of expected it when growing up.

They tried countless times to set her up with someone, but time and time again their matchmaking skills have failed, and Y/N is tired of them pitying her. No, she may not be in a long term relationship, but she hardly has time for a relationship anyway. Especially with competitions coming up, she needs to keep herself focused on surfing rather than some boy who will probably end up breaking her heart.

Well, that was her intention anyway.

October 27th, the first day of the best months out of the year.

And it started just the same as every other year. Y/N woke up at the crack of dawn and threw on her lucky white bathing suit before throwing an apple down her throat. Her surfboard was perched up against the back patio railing, and she swiftly tucked it under her arm as she made her way down the shore, being greeted by the luminescent sun that was swarming the sea in a shade of tangerine and lemon.

Jogging knee deep into water, Y/N sunk her hand just below the surface, swaying it back and forth, taking a deep breath as she felt the cool texture swarm her body. Exhaling slowly, she threw herself down onto her board, paddling onward into the great unknown. The familiar sound of the crashing waves causing her to flinch for a brief moment before comforting her ears as she watches the restless ocean ahead of her, a smile washing over her face as she could basically see her future ahead of her.

Today marks qualifying day, and obviously if she marks as qualified, she moves forward to the Vans Triple Crown. She’s been training all year, her body practically a prune with how much she’s been in the water. But, a minute can’t go to waste, so up until the very last second where she has to head to the north shore, she’s gonna remain in the water and build her intuition with how the day is going to go.

Last year, Y/N had to cut her time short when she was hospitalized the night before the first competition. So, she was all more determined to win the championship that is rightfully hers. Well, in the women’s division at least. Last year was ripped from her right when it was under her nose and she refuses to have a repeat of it. 

After her hospitalization, everyone was convinced she’d never return to the water. Despite the ocean being her second home, everyone figured she would turn away -- avoid the embarrassment last year brought upon her. But, it only made her stronger and more determined to prove everyone wrong. No matter how frightening it really was.

Her first wave of the day had her coasting along smoothly, starting her out easy as waves progressively got bigger with the tide. When she got out into the water, the sun had just broken past the horizon line, yet by the time she left, the sun was nearly at its peak in the sky. Her skin felt raw, yet her body was running on adrenaline as she scoffed down the lunch her mom had made her before they banded into the family van and headed to Sunset Beach on the north shore.

Y/N’s heart raced in her chest, her leg bouncing subconsciously but furiously as she watched the landscape pass her by through the window. Her typically calming music wasn’t even working as she ran through multiple scenarios in her mind of what could go wrong today and how her day, her week, month, even year could be ruined.

Once outside of the van and on the beach, her parents pulled her close into a tight, warm hug, whispering words of encouragement in her ears, knowing just how important this was for her. Surfing and competitions had always been important to Y/N, but following last year’s downfall, this day was going to make or break whatever is left of her both physically and emotionally.

“Y/N!” she heard her name being called from the distance, the three of them immediately letting go of one another as they exchanged sheepish smiles.

“Y/N!” Was called out again, causing her to turn around and see Kalani running straight for the three of them, waving her arms in a drastic manner to gain her best friend’s attention. “Oh my -- I ran so fast, wow, I need to calm down,” Kalani breathed out, closing Y/N into a firm embrace.

“Save your energy for the waves, babe,” Y/N laughed, wrapping her own arms around Kalani’s frame. The two of them were never inseparable, it was kind of like they were actually glued to the hip together ever since they were children. And a lot of people were surprised they remained best friends through the years, what with both of them always competing in the same surfing competitions battling for the first place spot. And they knew this could be a strain on their relationship, but they decided ever since they were seven years old that they weren’t going to let surfing get between them. No matter what, they were always proud of each other for everything they’ve accomplished and are each other’s number one fans.

Thing is, Y/N tends to snag that first place spot a lot of the time, and Kalani always just misses her, earning her the second spot, right beneath her. But, Kalani has grown to accept that Y/N is better at the sport, and that’s nothing for her to be ashamed of. She’s managed to get a few of her own first place wins, and in her eyes, that’s good enough. She can’t live her life being jealous of her best friend because that’s not healthy, and anyway, surfing is much more Y/N’s livelihood than it is her own, so she’s fine with being second best -- despite what others may think.

Tugging her board off the top of the car, Y/N tucked it beneath her arm as she walked hand-in-hand with Kalani to wherever her family had set up camp on the beach. “Where’s AJ?” Y/N wondered, as she looked out into the water and saw no one out in it.

“The boys are starting soon, so he’s with Nav,” Kalani said, finally stopping in front of her parents and younger brother, and AJ’s older brother.

“Y/N!” They greeted, getting up from their chairs to kiss the girl on the cheek before greeting her parents. “It’s so great to see you back here,” Kalani’s mom smiled, pinching Y/N’s cheek before plopping herself back down under the sun.

They all began to catch up with one another since it’s been awhile they’ve all gotten together, all of them falling into old habits as if it hadn’t been months since they were last together. Y/N tried to engage in as much conversation as possible, but her mind tended to wander off as the guys started lining up in the water and making their way out. Her throat dried up and her palms were sweating -- and not from the heat -- as her nerves kicked in. Her memory began to cloud her vision as she stood abruptly and quickly walked away from the group, her heart picking up again.

Her breaths shortened as her mind blurred, and all she wanted was to curl up on her bed and calm her mind. She felt someone’s hand on her back, and immediately she could tell it was her father by the smell of his cologne. Once she was far enough from people, Y/N could feel tears well in her eyes as short images flashed across her eyes, cutting each inhale of breath in half -- which caused her to panic even more as she couldn’t breathe properly.

Last year ruined her, and she absolutely despises that this is considered her normal day-to-day routine now, her body shaking with fear as she feels herself collapsing from the inside, out. “Y/N, honey, can you hear me?” She thinks she hears her father say, but is undetermined with the intense white noise that’s swarming her ear drums.

“Count with me, c’mon, backwards from ten.”

But, all her mind could focus on was her body sinking lower and lower beneath the surface of water.

“Ten… Gotta count, c’mon you can do it, nine.”

“Eight,” she murmured, reaching out to grasp her dad’s shirt tight in her fist, just to make sure that he was really in front of her. She needs to be reminded that last year is her past, and that no matter how forward it is in her mind, it’s not her present anymore and she’s not drowning. “Seven.”

He took her hands and held them to his chest, “Six, keep going.”

“Fi-” she gulps, swallowing the lump in her throat, “..five.”

She makes it all the way down to zero, her body visibly relaxing and mentally as she hesitantly looks around to see no one watching the little event. “Do you want to go home?”

Y/N looks up to her father, shaking her head in response as she sniffles her nose and brushes away the one stray tear that has cascaded down her cheek. “No… I can do this.”

He cocks his head to the side and purses his lips, slowly nodding his head. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he turns them back in the direction, walking with her slowly as she continues to gather herself. “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, Y/N. Everyone knows you’re an amazing surfer.”

“I think I just need to prove it to myself,” she stated, dragging her feet through the sand like a child so it slowed their arrival time back with the group. She can only imagine that her mom had informed everyone already of what was happening, and the last thing she wants is their sorry eyes and pathetic spouts of pity that she knows she’ll wish they just kept to themselves.

Y/N knows she’s broken. She’s not the same girl everyone knew this time last year, but she doesn’t need to be reminded of it every time she steps into a room. What happened last year was serious and she understands that people are worried; But all she wants is for everyone to forget about it. Including herself. She thinks the thing that’s causing her the most trepidation now -- rather than in the morning or all year long -- is the fact she’s now back in front of a crowd again, eyes trained on her like hawks watching prey, waiting for something awful to happen again.

The only thing missing is the popcorn as they watch this free entertainment.

When they finally came back to everyone, Y/N noticed the guys had started paddling out. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, dismissing her presence as she sat herself down back in the sand, and a breath of relief escaped her lips. The tension was there, but everyone ignored it for her sake, and Y/N couldn’t be more grateful.

“Go, AJ!” Kalani cheered, pumping her fist and shouting a few hoots and hollers afterward. Dom, AJ’s brother, let out a few ear screeching whistles, the kind with the fingers in the mouth, joining in on rooting for his brother. 

Watching the guys out there solidified to Y/N how real this really is, and soon her veins were pumping with excitement again instead of dread as she cheered on her best friend. He was going to qualify, they all were and they knew that, but it's always fun to get excited about the possibility of moving forward and winning the titles and earning the trophies.

All the other faces that surfed alongside AJ were mostly familiar, their names ringing bells as the announcers spoke of them, but there was one that Y/N hadn’t ever heard before. It’s the same cycle of people every year, yet this guy was fresh. And the only reason she’s curious as to who he is, is because he’s good. Like, really good.

Kalani can’t exactly remember if she’s heard of him either, shrugging to Y/N’s wonderment, “I don’t know. Maybe AJ knows.” His pink surfboard and pink wet shirt stuck out as he was a sight for sore eyes, and Y/N grew a little resentment towards him as he pulled out a few advanced maneuvers, gaining everyone’s undivided attention that used to be on AJ.

“Who is that?” Y/N’s mother questioned, looking around to see that no one knew the answer. 

He was a mystery yet he radiated this vibrant energy as the guys finished their rounds, walking off with grace in his step as he laughed at something Nav -- one of the three’s friends -- had said. The girls bid their goodbyes to their families as they headed over to where the guys were before their rounds. AJ immediately came running over to them, hugging Y/N and Kalani simultaneously before giving his girlfriend a quick kiss on the lips. “You did great,” Kalani smiled, keeping her arms wrapped around his center.

“Alright, not in front of me,” Y/N grimaced, looking away from them. Immediately her eyes landed on the new surfer, still talking to Nav, and she was quick to turn back to AJ to ask who he is. “Hey, who’s the new guy?”

Looking over his shoulder, AJ saw who she was talking about before realization dawned on him. “Oh, that’s Harry. He’s from England. A really nice guy, I bet you’d like him,” he winked, causing Y/N to look at him with squinted eyes and pursed lips.

Kalani nudged his side, giving him a weird look. “What? I’m just saying.”

Then, speak of the Devil, Nav and this Harry guy came walking over, joining the three as they stood around waiting for the announcement that the girls could head out. Y/N wasn’t exactly paying attention to her surroundings as she continued to calm herself down for the impending near future. It wasn’t until Harry had stood in front of her, that she was knocked out of her own thoughts.

She looked up at him, making eye contact and briefly getting her breath caught in her throat. When he was far away, it was hard to make out his facial features or what he exactly looked like. But being right in front of him, she was merely astonished at his beauty, but more so his green eyes that reflected the perfect amount of sunlight. His wet, brunette hair rested against his forehead and seemed to be drying a bit curly.

His head tilted slightly, an amused smirk inching up his face as he watched her reaction. Something tells her he’s used to this kind of reaction. “M’Harry.”

His hand came between the two of them, waiting for her to grasp it in a firm grip. Y/N was hesitant at first but finally took his hand and shook it gently while greeting herself before dropping her hand back down to her side. “Y/N.”

This is insanely awkward. Especially because her friends are just watching the exchange silently, as if they weren’t allowed to speak while the two introduced themselves.

Harry has heard of Y/N. It’s hard for anyone involved in the surfing business to not have heard of her. Aside from the jarring news from last year, she’s an excellent surfer and her name is always spreading around like wildfire. She’s part of the reason Harry decided to delve more into the professional surfing world, because he’s been itching to meet her.

Y/N is attractive, anyone with eyes knows that, but Harry wanted to meet her only because of her expansive skills in the water. Standing in front of her, he can’t deny her undying beauty -- and if he weren’t such a gentleman he’d probably be trying to woo her this very instant. But, her looks aren’t what draws him to her, and he decides to not think with his dick for once.

Before he gets the chance to say something else to her, they get notified that the girls should start heading out for their rounds. Y/N and Kalani grab their boards and tuck them under their arms before bidding their goodbyes to the boys and scurrying off to join the rest of the girls.

“Whipped already?” Nav jokes, wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulders and leading them to the sand where they’ll watch.

Y/N steps her toes into the water, basking in the cool feeling wrapping around her toes and surging up her body. She rolls her neck feeling it crack softly before rolling her shoulders back and taking in her umpteenth deep breath of the day. Her and Kalani looked at each other, nodding with smiles on their faces before they walked deeper in the shallow water until it reached the middle of their thighs before dropping their boards down and paddling out.

At the sight of a small wave heading toward her, Y/N dipped herself beneath the water just to wet her hair. It felt refreshing again to feel the salt coax her skin for the second time that day, as if it never left. When she greeted the air again, she could immediately feel the rays of the sun bouncing off of her skin, illuminating her in a heavenly glow, like the star she is. The spotlight is on her as she aims herself for the peak of the impending wave, nabbing the first ride of the girls’ round.

Back on the beach, her mom’s fingers were crossed, her dad’s breath was caught in his lungs, and Harry’s eyes were fixated on her figure as she jumped up on the belly of her board. Her legs kept her balance against the rough matter below her. Due to the steep wall of the wave, Y/N had to act quick and rational in order to keep control, and started off with an off-the-lip, which kept her parallel with the wave before she moved herself down and carved herself back into the energy zone. 

Because it was a smaller wave, she could only go on for so long before she tipped herself off the board and fell down into the water. Everyone waited with bated breaths and kept their eyes on the area she sunk beneath the blue, before sighing in relief to see her head pop back up. Harry could see the joy wipe over everyone’s faces, replacing the worry that was once there as they hugged one another. He could tell Y/N has such a good support system, and it only urges him more to want to be a part of her life.

Of this life.

❊ ❊

“You guys did so good! We’re so proud,” Y/N’s mom gushed as she pulled her into a warm embrace -- a hug that holds more meaning than just being proud. Her mom was relieved. Grateful. Happy. She’s able to hold her daughter one more time, and that’s all she could ask for. “It’s going to be a good year for all you kids.”

Y/N felt like she was on cloud nine. She was elated, overjoyed, ecstatic, riding such a good high. Her comeback couldn’t have gone any better and she’s just so, so happy. Arriving at the beach she was nervous and anxious and was two seconds away from caving to her fears and running away. Now, as she walks arm-in-arm with her best friend away from the water for the night, she’s laughing a genuine laugh and her veins are currently pumping excitement rather than nerves. 

AJ locked his arm over her shoulders, the three of them linked just like they always are as they head towards Y/N’s family van. But, instead of like other times, this time they have a tag-a-long trailing behind them. It’s sort of like a tradition where after every competition, all of the families join together and head to dinner at their usual restaurant. Nav couldn’t come because he had his own family matters to attend to but Harry was more than willing to accept the offer. He says he came to Hawaii alone and that he had nothing better to do, but his intense stare on Y/N when he accepted the offer says that’s not the only reason he was so quick to join.

It was also part of the tradition that they ride together in the van, 1) because it was the most spacious vehicle where they were able to ride together and 2) because Y/N’s parents are pretty fun to be around. They blasted the best music and made the best jokes, causing not one dull car ride. When they filed in, AJ and Kalani pushed themselves to the back seat, leaving Y/N and Harry to sit in the separate middle row chairs.

“Oh! Harry, I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Does your family want to join us? They’re more than welcome to,” Y/N’s mom looked over her shoulder in the passenger seat.

He cleared his throat, looking up from his phone and sitting up a bit in his seat, an uncomfortable look on his face. “M’here alone, actually.”

Before anyone could ask any questions, AJ clapped Harry’s shoulder, saying, “We’re your temporary family now, man.” Despite being competitors, it seems the two of them really hit it off and AJ genuinely meant what he said about being Harry’s family. Though, everyone knows the main reason he said it was to diminish the rising tension.

“Thanks, mate,” Harry returned, fist bumping AJ. And during the little exchange, Harry caught eyes with Y/N, catching her eyes wandering around his profile and facial features, causing her to look away quickly and look out the window as if the view was something spectacular. She could hear him snicker quietly, and just when she thinks the coast is clear, she slyly looks back at him just to find out he’s already staring at her.

They really love staring at one another apparently.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Y/N and Harry were pushed to the back of the group -- not really by choice but somehow it ended up that way -- and neither of them really made any moves to break the silence between them. Y/N because she was nervous, and Harry because he wanted her to be the first to speak. And it just so happened that when they were sat at a table, they were left with the last two remaining chairs that also happened to be right next to each other. Y/N couldn’t figure out if they were doing this on purpose or it was by coincidence, but she can tell Harry doesn’t mind.

She’s not one to be nervous around guys, but there’s something about Harry and how he is so blatantly interested in her that makes her wary of talking to him. Kalani sat across the table from her, and when they made eye contact, they had a silent conversation about how Y/N should grow the balls and actually talk to him. Of course Y/N refused, which earned her a kick to the shin in retaliation, which then caused her to let out a yelp of pain and made everyone look at her confused and worried. 

“Sorry, hit my knee on the table,” she brushed it off, glaring at her best friend the moment everyone turned away and continued with their own conversations. 

Being as slick as possible, Kalani directed her eyes to Harry when he wasn’t looking so Y/N could see her, before turning to AJ and talking to him about something completely irrelevant. Again, Y/N and Harry were stuck in this silence. She’s not exactly sure why she can’t just start a conversation, but he’s kind of intimidating and she’s afraid of embarrassing herself, especially in front of her family. 

Pursing her lips and looking down to her lap, Y/N finally turned to give Harry her attention, noticing how he was staring into space, looking completely lost in this foreign setting. “So, uh, where exactly are you from?”

Harry was quick to turn his head to Y/N, waiting and waiting and waiting for the moment she would say something. “A small town in Cheshire. Northwest of London, if that helps.”

“That’s a pretty far trip to take alone,” she nods, licking her bottom lip before gently biting down on it. As much as she thinks of herself as an independent person, she’s also an extreme homebody and could never imagine going anywhere without anyone by her side, whether it be family or friends.

He merely shrugs in response, “M’better off alone.”

Y/N cocked her head to the side while looking at him, letting his words sizzle inside her mind as she tries to overanalyze him in the mere hours she’s known him. She turned her gaze down to her hands that were intertwined in her lap, mulling over her next words to say. She doesn’t know him, but she knows the feeling of being alone. And being alone, no matter how appealing it could sound, never works out in the end. People aren’t meant to live alone. It goes against the natural order of life, and just hearing him say he prefers being alone breaks her heart just the tiniest bit. “No one’s better off alone. Everyone needs someone eventually.”

Little does she know, is that she is his someone. Or, at least that’s what Harry’s hoping. He thinks he’s crazy for being so enthralled by someone so suddenly and so strongly, but Harry’s always been one to trust his gut. His plushie but toned gut was screaming at him that this girl is just meant to be in his life. Maybe meant to be his, but he won’t push his luck. “Guess we’ll have to wait an’ see.”

They both smiled softly at one another, a small blush creeping up Y/N’s cheeks for the umpteenth time that day. “I guess we will.”

❊ ❊

It had been a little over two weeks since qualification day. Her days hadn’t changed much in regards to her schedule; Waking up at the ass crack of dawn and heading straight into the water and staying in practically until the sun was set. But, there was one slight shift in her day, and that was the now familiar face of Harry popping in everyday, either physically or in her mind.

It was safe to say Harry was quickly adapting to the three friends, merging with them seamlessly; As if he had been part of this little group since he was a child. It’s not like any of them minded, especially AJ because he was happy to get another guy around. Their friend Nav wasn’t exactly a permanent part of their little group because he belonged to everyone and no one, but Harry stuck around them like glue and AJ was so grateful. 

Y/N’s grateful because now she isn’t a third-wheel.

Harry and her aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, but it definitely helps having someone else around for movie night so Y/N isn’t stuck watching her best friend’s all cuddled up together and hearing the occasional kiss they would share.

Though, Harry has made it known time and time again that he really wants to be buddy-buddy with her. And Y/N’s not exactly sure why she won’t give him what he wants, but for some reason she loses all comprehensive skills and becomes a blubbering, nervous mess around Harry whenever he brings up his interest in her. So, she’s successfully avoided all buddy-buddy conversations with him by bringing up mundane things instead. Like, why she decided to paint her nails blue, or why she absolutely despises white socks.

She thought she was doing a pretty skillful job too. But, after the first two times she avoided giving a yes or no answer to going on a date with him, Harry purposely would ask her just to hear what other obscure distractions she could come up with. He loved hearing Y/N talk, and without her knowing, he was getting to know her piece by piece, inch by inch, and he was loving it.

Though, a guy’s ego can only take so many rejections before he gives up completely. And just when he was ready to call it quits and accept that she wasn’t interested in him like he was her, the unexpected happened.

Y/N agreed to a date.

Well, kind of.

It was time for the Hawaiian Pro. The official first event of the Vans Triple Crown. It was taking place at Ali’i Beach Park in Hale’iwa, one of the most intense surfing spots filled with waves of  many different faces. Of course, this is when Y/N’s nerves really started to kick in. Qualification day isn’t anywhere near as filled with people as the actual events are, and her nerves have seemed to kick it into high gear. It doesn’t help that the Hawaiian Pro is when her life changed a year ago. She could hear people whispering about her, wondering if she’s going to wipe out again or if this time she’ll stay under the water. Her mind was already frenzied enough, but nothing completes the cycle like a panic attack and the embarrassment of many on-goers witnessing said panic attack.

She almost backed out. How is she meant to be the best when her body is afraid of taking its final breath? The tide was high and the waves showed no mercy. How is she meant to challenge that? How is she meant to control the water beneath her when she can’t even control her own thoughts?

It was getting to be too much for her. This entire time leading up to the Triple Crown she’s denied her fear and her anxiety, telling herself she’ll get over it. She’s been doing good all year, so what makes now any different? But it is very different. The calm atmosphere of her backyard is no match for the rambunctious setting of the Triple Crown. And she’s a fool for thinking differently.

So, she was panicking.

Y/N couldn’t even get up from her seat in her parent’s van because she was so shaky. Her father held her close, easing her back to reality and away from her tortuous mind. Of course, he offered to drive them back home and away from the competition, telling her again that she didn’t have to prove herself to anyone. But, she declined again. Because she needed to prove it to herself. She’s stronger than her mind lets on, and she needs to make sure she knows that.

When she slid off her board and sank her toes back into the warm sand after a very successful first round, landing her in the lead spot, she was finally able to breathe again.

People congratulated her on her comeback, astonished to see her doing better than ever before. Her parents embraced her with love and elation, so beyond happy to see her laughing and smiling and enjoying herself now that she’s progressing forward. Kalani of course is her number one supporter, practically jumping on her and screaming in her ear about how happy she is for her best friend.

Everyone was making their rounds hugging Y/N, and then it was Harry’s turn. They didn’t exactly embrace like the rest of them had, but he threw his arm over her shoulders and pulled her to his side, squeezing her to him softly before looking down at her and saying, “Absolutely wicked, love. Gotta teach me some of y’fancy moves.”

“You sure? They’re really only meant for the pros,” she teased, biting at her bottom lip to conceal her laughter as he scoffed.

“”Ey, no one likes a narcissist,” he shoved her shoulder softly, rolling his eyes as her laughter rang through his ears. “But, whaddya say? M’gonna need a good teacher if I wanna make it to the big leagues.”

Y/N simply shrugs without really thinking much into it, “Sure.” Her mind didn’t exactly process what she had agreed to until later that night, before she dozed off into her temporary slumber. Her eyes shot open and her body sat upright as an over dramatic gasp was inhaled into her lungs. Her mind had been all over the place with the competition that she didn’t realize that she had agreed to being alone with Harry for the first time since they'd met. Immediately she texted and called Kalani, to which she got laughed at in return.

“Kalani, this isn’t a laughing matter!”

A few miles away, Harry was snuggled into his bedsheets, a bright smile stretched across his face as he reveled in the idea that he finally was going to be alone with Y/N since the first time they’d met. His heart was jumping and his stomach was fluttering as he envisioned her pretty face behind his eyelids before he drifted off into his dream with her. 

“It so is! C’mon, Y/N, what have you got to lose? You have the same interests, he’s funny, he’s hot, and he clearly is into you. Enjoy something outside of surfing for once.”

Enjoy something outside of surfing for once.

That’s the thought that stuck in her mind, lingering around as she finally fell asleep, and then when she woke up, and when she was eating breakfast; And doing her chores; And hanging out with Kalani; And eating dinner; And then falling asleep again. Y/N didn’t even realize she had spent so much of her past year focusing on her career and health that she hasn’t done much of anything else.

She’s so grateful to be alive, but she’s hardly given herself the chance to live again.

Before her accident, she was always up for adventure and was always the life of any party. After her accident, she hasn’t even been to a party. She hasn’t been in a relationship in years, she hasn’t gone on a date in a long time, and she can’t even remember the last time she’s had sex or kissed a guy. She’s been so focused on her redemption, that she can’t remember the last time she was genuinely happy.

Going on this date, but also not a date -- but also clearly a date -- with Harry just may provide her with that. And she owes it to herself, to her past self, that her accident isn’t going to shape her life anymore.

Plus, she really enjoys Harry’s company. And even if she doesn’t show it so bluntly like him, she really likes him too.

The next day, Y/N and Kalani had gone out shopping, enjoying a nice girls day out. They had bought a few new varieties of swimsuits (as if they didn’t have enough) and a few other types of clothes, got some lunch, and even found time to watch a movie. And they did all of this right up until the moment Y/N decided it was time to text Harry. 

She wasn’t sure how to go about this, because she’s never really asked anyone on a date before, or followed up with plans (?) about a date. Kalani kept urging her to just rip the bandaid off and to get it over with, saying something along the lines of, “You’re not getting any younger. Plus, I think he’d slip right off his board at the sight of you in that new yellow suit you got.” It was just a simple bikini, but it showcased the majority of her skin that essentially left little to the imagination.

But, the thing is, whenever Y/N gets into the water around people, she can’t help but cover her torso with a wet-shirt, insecure of the imperfections that lined her skin. It’s rare she can bear to look at her skin, so she only assumes no one else would want to either. So, she’s not so sure he’ll fall off his board at the sight of her, but the thought is nice.

Y/N pulled out her phone and hovered over his contact for a good amount of time before Kalani grew impatient and snatched the phone from her friend’s hand. They wrestled around with each other to try and gain custody of the phone, but finally in the end Y/N was able to hold her phone tight in her hands before declaring, “Okay! Okay! I’m texting, I’m going.”

Kalani peaked over Y/N’s shoulder as she watched her type the allusive message to Harry, a proud smile carving over her lips as she watched her break down a barrier she had subconsciously put up. It isn’t by any means important to be in a relationship or to have a boyfriend, but Kalani knows deep down that Y/N was wishing to have that special connection only a relationship could provide -- a connection outside of the realm of friendships.

“There,” Y/N huffed, shoving the screen of her phone in her best friend’s face.

hii, if you’re still up to learn from a true professional, I’m available tonight :)

It wasn’t even ten seconds later that she got a reply.

Shit, I’ll be your best student, babe. I know a perfect spot, I’ll be at yours in an hour.

It was kind of amusing to Y/N that he said he knows a perfect spot, as if she hadn’t been living on this island all her life and practically knows it like that back of her hand. But, that miniscule thought was pushed to the very depths of her mind as panic coursed through her as she realized what she was getting herself into. She’s going on a date, not a date, but also a date with Harry, and a small hour wasn’t enough time to gain her composure. 

Fuck.

❊ ❊

It’s no surprise to Y/N when Harry shows up to her house a minute early. She’s half convinced that he had been waiting outside of her house for the past fifteen minutes until he finally stepped up on to the porch of her house, knocking rapidly on the door. It wasn’t an emergent knock that caused some sort of panic, but it was a frantic knock that screamed ‘let’s get the show on the road.’

When she opened the door, both of their breaths were robbed from their lungs. Y/N essentially looked like she always did but something about her glowed differently to Harry; maybe it was because she’s his for the night. For his eyes only. Just him and her. He was awestruck. 

Harry essentially looked like he always did but something about him radiated differently to Y/N. The same little smirk was nestled in its usual spot, but this one held a different meaning. It looked the same, but maybe it was different because it was just her and him tonight. He’s hers for the night. For her eyes only. Y/N was nervous.

Y/N left her board out on her porch so she wouldn’t have to walk around back when he got here, but she was silently wishing she didn’t so she’d get just a couple more seconds to get herself together. She just kept chanting, “It’s not a date!” in her head, in hopes it would make her feel better.

It didn’t.

Harry saw her board and tucked it under his left arm as he threw his right one over her shoulders guiding her his mode of transportation. It also wasn’t a surprise to Y/N to see Harry rolling up in a light yellow Jeep; the top down and the doors off, typical of any surfer dude, no matter where they originate.

“Her name’s Betty,” he smiled, walking around the back and giving her a quick tap on her rear end before stepping up to straddle Y/N’s board safely and securely.

Sliding through the empty passenger door to take her seat, Y/N was greeted by a familiar smell, a smell she could only associate with Harry. And even if she could never admit it, she loved it a lot. It was mouth-watering and intoxicating, and simply put, it was Harry. Even with the open atmosphere of the car, it was still drenched in this specific smell, and Y/N can’t help but giggle at the image of Harry spritzing whatever cologne into the car before arriving at her house.

A few moments later, Harry slid into the driver side, placing the sunglasses that were sitting on the dash over his eyes, shoving the key into the ignition and starting them on their journey to whatever beach he had envisioned. On the ride there, over the course of a few right turns and lefts and different exits on the highway, Y/N surprisingly had no idea where they were going. Did she think maybe he was gonna murder her? A bit. But, she felt comfortable around Harry. So, she felt it in her gut that she was going to come out alive from this… event.

When they got to the beach, it was about thirty minutes from Y/N’s house, and she had no idea where they were. They had to walk a short path to meet sand and ocean, but once they made it past the clearing, Y/N was in awe of the site ahead of her. People could think that seeing the ocean every day ruins the peaceful and magical aura surrounding it. But, Y/N never gets sick of greeting it. The sun was beginning to set, and the water was glowing with a yellow-pink hue by the horizon that blended into a bright blue by the shore. The cliff sides around them guarded the little alcove, feeding into the tranquil atmosphere.

“How did you find this place?” Y/N wondered as she kicked off her sandals, and shimmied her shorts down her legs before kicking them over her sandals. The yellow bottom of her bikini was visible, and she turned her head just as Harry took a large gulp at the sight of her in front of him; Just for him. Her blue wet-shirt stayed on though.

It piqued Harry’s interest as to why she never took off her shirt. He understood for the competitions, but even when it was just a casual outing, just him and her, or them and their friends, she always kept it on. It wasn’t his place to ask, but he wished she would’ve broken this barrier down just this once. Just for him. “Tha’s a secret for me to know and you to maybe find out.”

Y/N let out a giggle - why? she didn’t know - and turned her attention back to the boy that brought her here, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she caught Harry taking off his white t-shirt, now only clad in his little pink shorts next to his little pink board. His skin looked extra dewy, and his tattoos seemed to glint under the setting sun. Before she could devour him with her eyes, she picked up her board and took it with her, running down to the water and shouting, “C’mon slow-poke, gotta get in the water before the sun sets!”

It wasn’t a surprise to Y/N that this didn’t keep on track of a teaching lesson. Harry doesn’t need to be taught, he’s amazing on his own. He pulled off his own tricks that Y/N didn’t even know the name of, and she was asking him to let her in on his little secrets. He locked his lips in return, throwing the imaginary key somewhere over his shoulder, “Y’think I’m g’na tell you? I’m far too narcissistic to let you beat me at my own game.”

“Who said I’m gonna beat you?”

“Have you met you?”

There’s a reason Y/N’s name circulates throughout people’s brains, why her name is common in any Hawaiian household, why Harry was itching to meet her. She’s good at what she does. Insanely good that it’s kind of concerning. Not everyone can come back from a life-altering experience, but Y/N took those stereotypes and crushed them beneath the tail of her infamous yellow surfboard. She reveled in the doubts and came back stronger than ever. Of course she would beat him at his own game. She’s the only one who could.

There wasn’t any telling how long they had been riding wave after wave, in the water with no one else but just each other. But, the sun almost halfway past the horizon line was a good giveaway. They were probably nearing the two hour mark, and they knew they couldn’t stay out here all night, but Jesus, how they wished they could. Y/N wasn’t expecting to be so content, thinking this would be some strange, awkward, uncomfortable time they would want to forget about the moment they left each other’s sides.

It’s the opposite.

Just for him. Just for her.

They both laid on their boards, limbs sprawled out and dangling into the water as their bodies shut down in exhaustion. Y/N can’t remember the last time she went so long without taking at least a ten minute break. Her body was most definitely not used to it as she felt her back mold into her little yellow board, accepting the relaxation. When she finally opened her eyes back up, she turned her head to the side, admiring Harry’s profile as his arms were pulled over his head, the skin of his torso being stretched, which also stretched the ink that adorned him.

Y/N got lost in the mirage that is Harry, that she didn’t even realize he had turned his head and caught her ogling. It wasn’t until he cleared his throat that her eyes snapped to his, heat traveling up through her body and rushing to her cheeks. “M’eyes are up here, love.”

“Uh- right. Yeah, I know.”

“Cool. Hey d’y’wanna play twenty questions?” He asked, sitting up to straddle his board and paddling himself around so he was facing her. 

Y/N squinted her eyes, “Are we children?”

“I mean, I guess not. Doesn’t stop my five year old humor though,” he smiled, kicking his foot up to splash her with an inkling of water as his childlike, petty comeback. “You ask first.”

Y/N pushed her hand through the water to spray him in an ounce of sea salt before turning her head back to the sky, contemplating her first question. “Mm… favorite color?” She already knew the answer.

“And you asked me if we’re children? C’mon, darling, know you wanna know more than tha’. Pink. What was your first impression of me?” He wiggled his eyebrows, even though she couldn’t see his face. This has been one of those things that’s been nagging at the back of his mind ever since they first met. Their first encounter wasn’t awkward per-se, but the fleeting moment of introduction wasn’t exactly one worth remembering either. But, Harry was always going to remember it. And depending on Y/N’s answer, he hopes she will too.

At this, she turned her head back to Harry, hand covering her eyes as the sun glared at them over the reflective water. It was a sight to behold, seeing Harry glow in the golden hour light. “Intimidating. But, also unique,” she began, moving to sit herself up and paddle her board around so she was now facing him. “You remind me of a singular cloud in an otherwise clear sky. You’re not meant to be there, yet you’re not out of place.”

Harry sat for a moment, staring. Completely in awe. Head over heels. Never would’ve guessed those words to be the ones tumbling from her lips. It was the way she didn’t hesitate in her sentence, as if those words had been formulated a while ago and just now was she able to spew it from her wordbank. Just for him. “Fuck, that was beautiful. Your turn.”

“Do you really think you’re better off alone?”

Harry pursed his lips, looking off into the distance for a brief moment before shrugging, “I do. But, I don’t. If it comes down to going back to my family and friends from home or being alone, I’ll choose being alone.” And he wanted to sprinkle in the little bonus that he doesn’t feel alone when he’s around her, but something tells him that’ll just turn her away. “What’re you so afraid of?”

It’s a brash question Y/N wasn’t expecting to be thrown at her so suddenly. She has a mix of answers, and there’s a specific one flashing in her mind like a bright, neon yellow sign, but she’s not certain how comfortable she is with telling him yet. Though, she notices that whatever question she could throw his way, he’d answer it truthfully, not scared of opening himself up, just for her. She wants to be brave like that, and maybe she can be, but she’s not sure how.

It comes as a surprise to her when she does say, “I’m scared of going through everything that happened last year all over again. Everyone’s afraid of dying, or at least most people are, but experiencing death… there’s really no coming back from that. ”

“Experiencing it?” He looks at her wide-eyed.

“What, you haven’t heard of what happened last year?” She looks at him, eyebrows scrunched. 

“Only know you had some accident. No offense, but I didn’t really bother myself with reading the fine print,” he shrugs, running his pruney fingers through his salted hair. He didn’t know if he wanted to read it, especially not with the sudden news that apparently this very alive, lively girl in front of him… died? He doesn’t think he could stomach reading about that.

Y/N hasn’t met a single person who hasn’t heard about what happened to her. Or at least the details of it. In reality she doubts anyone outside of Hawaii knows of her existence, but in her world it was the biggest news to affect the state in a while -- aside from, like, actual serious matters, her accident was up there on the news.

She evades his second question though, not wanting to cough up the traumatic details of her past; not yet at least. “Well, it’s my turn anyway. Why surfing?”

“I could just look it up, but I get it; you’ll tell me when you’re ready,” he gave her a playful look, pursing his lips while giving her a pointed stare. “It’s different. England isn’t known for surfing. It’s known for rain and football. But, with every possible detail of m’life, I wanted to make sure I was different. My dad wanted me to become a professional footy player, so I said no. M’mum wanted me to go and get a degree and a real job. I didn’t want that. So, I turned to surfing,” he swung his arms around, gesturing to the vast sea and the board below him.

“Plus, it’s given me an excuse to leave home and come here. And y’know, so I could meet you.”

Y/N felt a small blush creep up her skin again, her eyes shooting down to her lap and her feet that were distorted under the water. Harry’s infatuation with the girl isn’t a secret, but anytime he purposely makes it known, it’s like a little secret that she’s unsure if she’s supposed to know or not. “Meet me?”

Harry kicked his foot up again so water would splash at her. “Uh-uh, my turn,” he laughed, shaking his head. He knew she thought she was slick at the way she bit her lip, containing her laughter. If she wants to play by the rules of the nonsensical game, then so will he. “Sunrise or sunset?”

“Sunset. Favorite song?” She wanted to reel back from the serious talk for a moment.

“Too many to choose from. Favorite movie?” He wanted to know every nitty-gritty detail about her.

She pondered for a moment, “Mamma Mia.”

“No shit! Me too!” His mouth dropped in shock, his hand flying up to his chest. 

“Really?”

“No,” he shook his head, immediately blocking the massive splash he sensed coming. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, huffing at him whilst crossing her arms over her torso, “Are you always so insufferable?”

“S’my middle name, babe. You hungry?” He laid himself down on his board on his belly, paddling himself to face the beach, ready to make a head start for the beach. Y/N hummed a response, following in suit and settling her stomach against the belly of the board and pushing herself to land. “Cool, let’s go get something to eat then I’ll take you home.”

Y/N’s legs felt weak, yet appreciative back on the sand. It felt like she was walking on Jell-O as she went to pick up her towel and clothes. Looking down to her shirt, she knew it was out of the question to let him see her take it off. And she could turn her back so he wouldn’t see her front -- whether or not it’s clad in a bikini top -- but even then her heart raced at the thought. She held her t-shirt in her hands and thought it over for a moment before blurting, “Could you turn around please?”

Harry looked up from checking his phone quickly, tilting his head in confusion before looking down to the shirt in her hands. The dots are connected and the bright neon pink sign in his head is telling him to listen to her, and not to question it. So, he doesn’t. Just for her. It’s still unbeknownst to Harry why she never takes her shirt off, but he knows better than to think with his dick, and accepts her wishes, turning his back to her. 

Y/N lets out a small breath of relief, grateful he didn’t question her on it. She’s quick to rip off her shirt and pat dry her wet skin before hastily throwing on her dry one, giving Harry the OK to turn back around. 

“Sorry, I just… I’m not comfortable with anyone seeing my, uh, my scar,” she mumbles, nervously moving her hair from one shoulder over to the other. Harry shrugs in response, picking his board up from the ground and wrapping his arm around her shoulder as they began their walk back to his car.

“You don’ have to explain yourself to me, babe,” he smiled down at her, squeezing her to his side softly.

Y/N looked up at him, and she’s sure that if she could see herself right now, her eyes would be twinkling in delight, with adoration. Just for him. “Thank you.”

They didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, walking the distance to his lonesome Jeep in peace. The silence gave Y/N time to think and to mull over all of the gushy feelings she was feeling inside about the guy beside her. She had no reason not to like him, realizing it was only fear that was pushing her away. But, this night displayed a soft side to Harry that she fell head over heels for. His smooth, easy-going approach to life, mixed in with respect for her, and a hint of witty humor was enough to tell her how she truly feels about him. And she’s scared, not because she’s afraid, but because she’s not.

Y/N can find herself easily opening up to Harry quicker than she has anyone else because she trusts him. She can just tell he’s got nothing to hide, so in-turn she wants to be the same. She doesn’t want to cower away, but revel in happiness. Because she deserves it.

Harry quickly secured the boards back into their previous spots before sliding into the driver side and whisking them away from their little getaway. The wind swept through their hair and chilled their still slightly wet skin, causing goosebumps to trail up Y/N’s arm as chills raked through her body. This time around in the car they both were more laid back, not singing along to the songs playing on the radio but rather just listening and taking in the blissful atmosphere they’ve created.

There’s been one question dancing across her mind though ever since he brought up the little game of twenty questions. It was the first one to pop up in her mind when she was thinking of something juicy to ask. She didn’t want to ask it though, in fear of what his answer would be. But, now she’s not afraid. She’s curious though.

“Is this a date?” She queried, turning the volume of the radio down a bit so he could hear her and vice versa. 

Harry glanced at her through his peripheral, one eyebrow cocking up on his forehead, “Is the sky blue?”

“I mean, right now it’s like orange-blue,” she retorted, looking at the newly sun-ridden sky that blended shades of orange into the usual night blue. 

“Brainiac. There’s your answer. It’s however you want to look at it,” he digressed, reaching over to pat her thigh - in more of a friendly manner rather than sensual.

She appreciated his answer, absolutely adoring the fact that he wasn’t putting pressure on her about anything. It was hard to comprehend just how nice he truly is, and how someone could be so perfect. She couldn’t see a flaw in his looks or his personality or his morals, and all she could wonder was how someone like him could possibly like someone like her. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you, Harry.”

He side glanced at her again, this time raising both of his eyebrows in puzzlement, “I’ll take tha’ as a good thing?”

“It’s good. It’s… it’s a good thing.”

❊ ❊

The two of them had discussed where they wanted to go, neither of them wanting to decide and going back and forth with one another, saying, “No, you decide,” “No you.”

Y/N was never good at decisions, especially mundane ones like where to eat. She always lets Kalani decide because she could eat anything, and it’s her friend that’s the picky one. But, Harry is the same way. Whatever is put in front of him, he could probably eat (except for pickles, he absolutely hates pickles).

They settled for pizza. And it was going to be Harry’s first time trying a slice of Hawaiian.

Y/N hates Hawaiian slices, finding the sweetness of the pineapple and the savor of the ham unsettling atop her pizza. It sends her taste buds into shock and her mind into a meltdown. But, she insisted he try it, because how could someone be in Hawaii and not try its state-named slice?

They sat at their little table in the corner of the restaurant that was alongside a window, giggling to themselves as they played a little game of eye-spy, waiting for their food. For some odd reason, Harry was really good at this game, always picking the hardest of objects to point out, always stumping a frustrated Y/N.

“You’re cheating.”

“How the fuck am I cheating?”

“Dunno, you just are.”

And in retaliation to her accusation, Harry pointed to her shirt, stating she got a little soda on it, causing her to look down to her chest and see nothing but finger as he flicked her nose. “Too easy. Sore loser.”

Y/N huffed, sticking her tongue out at him. The playful banter between them was the best part of their days lately. Before Y/N even realized her feelings for Harry, she always looked forward to what they would bicker about -- in a friendly matter of course. Now, she constitutes that to just wanting to see him because she really enjoys his company, and him. 

It’s been a long time since she’s felt this way about anyone, and she’s sort of glad she gets to feel this way about Harry. He’s an enigma, but a good one. She’s totally transfixed by him and she never wants this euphoria to end. He radiates this bright and bubbly energy that lifts her mood whenever she’s around him, and she’s afraid of losing that. But, she chooses not to dwell on the what-if, instead completely basking in the present and his gooey aura of happiness. 

When the food finally came out, they both were quick to stuff their faces, their stomachs practically turning inside-out from how hungry they were. It came to no surprise to Harry that he was absolutely in love with this Hawaiian slice, already looking forward to ordering two more. 

Y/N looked at him a tad worried. He was scoffing down three slices as if there were no tomorrow, all within a matter of two minutes. She was slightly worried he was going to reach over and take her dinner, because that’s how hungry he seemed to be. But, he should know better than to get between Y/N and her food. Like the one time he tried to take some of her fries, to which she punched him in the shoulder and then took them back.

“Hey, y’gonna eat that?” He points to her not yet touched slice of pizza, earning a glare that could kill in response. “Cool, you are, just making sure. Can’t let precious food go t’waste. It’s my turn for a question right?”

Y/N thinks back for a second to determine if he’s right or not, remembering she did ask a question last. She nodded her head before biting into her little piece of heaven. 

“Was it hard getting back in the water?”

She brought her napkin up to her mouth to wipe away the drop of sauce she felt on her cheek, mulling over her answer. “Kinda. I knew I had to eventually because it’s all I know, it was just a matter of when. My parents were terrified, and I mean I was too but I can’t let that dictate my future. I love surfing and nothing is going to take that away from me.”

Not even something as horrifying as death could take her away from her true love. Not until she’s truly six-feet under, riding silver waves in the silver palace. 

“Do you think you’re going to stay here? In Hawaii?” Y/N wondered, taking a sip of her Coke.

“Got nowhere else to be,” he shrugged, mindlessly tapping his fingers on the table in an arrhythmic pattern. “Home is where the heart is, right? Well, think mine’s here right now.” Across from her. Just for her.

Home is where the heart is.

“Does it count if my heart isn’t mine?”

Last year, Y/N was going about her day like she always did. She was fine, in tip-top shape just like she had been for the past twenty years of her life. The bright sun was out and shining over all of the surfers and onlookers, and it seemed just like every other regular day. She was paddling out into the water, and the perfect, golden first wave was approaching her. She pushed herself up onto her feet, balancing her body, in tune with the wave, executing a nearly perfect opener. Then, she felt her chest tighten and her body suddenly felt weak. Breathing rapidly grew difficult, causing her to instantly panic. She fell off her board, plummeting into the water, trying to gasp for air but choking on the sea that swimmed down her throat. 

Feeling herself sink as her chest was on fire was the last she remembered. The baby blue sky blended into black and that was it. Her life was over. 

Kalani was the one who went in after her, screaming for help as her best friend was blue in the face and not moving. 

Y/N suffered a heart attack. Apparently, she had a condition called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, that went unnoticed all her life. On this day, her heart had thickened extensively, making it difficult to pump blood to the rest of her body. The strain on her heart caused it to give out, right when she was feeling the high of riding a solid wave. She was pronounced dead for a total of forty-five seconds before EMT could revive her. Supposedly she’s lucky to be alive, because if not treated basically instantly, there’s a slim chance of survival. But, she was able to stick it out until the hospital.

Her heart was in brutal shape, so she was sent to the top of a donor waiting list. Y/N and her family are forever grateful for the team of doctors and nurses that stuck by her side, knowing she wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them. Or her sheer luck.

Y/N felt a little crazy for feeling so comfortable spilling all of this information so suddenly to Harry, but at the same time she didn’t. And the best part about it is that none of it seems to freak Harry out. Nothing about who she is or how she is scares him. And that’s what makes her feel so comfortable. “My scar, it’s from a heart transplant. I had a heart condition all my life apparently. Then suddenly one day, it couldn’t handle it anymore, so it gave out. A girl named Shauna’s heart is keeping me alive right now.”

Harry didn’t blink for a whole minute.

He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, trying to come up with something, anything to say to the girl across from him. But, he had nothing. He didn’t know what to say.

His silence was a little concerning to Y/N, making her wish she could just be swallowed whole by the ground below her. Was it too soon to drop the HT bomb? He was bound to find out eventually, and she figured it was best to rip the bandaid off on her own time rather than someone else telling him or him looking it up on Google. 

She’s kicking herself over it. 

Harry cleared his throat, taking a sip of his water before licking his lips and leaning back in his chair. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Y/N merely shrugged, “Don’t be. Shit happens. Who knows, if it never happened we may not be here now.”

Harry raised his eyebrows, his signature small smirk back on his face in its usual spot. He raised his glass, leaning it forward a bit toward her, stating, “Cheers to that, babe.” She raised her own glass and clinked it against his, a smile on her lips as she sucked up the remaining bit of her soda through her straw. She’s happy he didn’t turn and run away.

Cheers to that, babe.

By the time they both filled their guts to the point of feeling overstuffed, mindlessly chatting and spending time together, it was already past ten o’clock. The time had passed them by like it was nothing, but they weren’t necessarily complaining. The older couple next to them were though. Y/N had to pull Harry out of the restaurant before he bit the woman’s head off for how rude she was. That’s when they knew it was time to skedaddle.

Then they just drove around for another hour before Harry figured it was time to bring her home, much to his dismay. But, when her head lolled against the passenger seat headrest and her eyes would softly shut in exhaustion. He wanted desperately to reach over and tuck the loose strand of hair that fell out of her ponytail, behind her ear. He wanted to reach over and place his hand on her thigh as they drove down the highway, softly squeezing her skin before teasingly inching up towards her hidden gem.

Is it too soon to be in love?

It was like a slap in the face when Harry parked in front of her house. Reality stuck its nose into their little wonderland bubble, and unfortunately, they couldn’t push it back out.

Harry hopped out of his seat, unfastening her board from the trunk and tucking it under his arm as they walked side-by-side to her front door. He gently placed it down where he had initially found it earlier on, tucking his lips into his mouth as he stuck his hands in his pockets.

“I uh… I guess this is it. I had a really ni-”

“I’ve got one more question before you leave me,” he interrupted her little speech, stepping impossibly closer to her, barricading her between him and the banister on her porch. It wasn’t hard to notice the long stares at her shiny lips that glinted in the dull yellow glow of the light by the door. He purposely took extra time to rake over the features of her face before finally meeting her eyes. 

Y/N swallowed nothing but air as she softly bit at her bottom lip, “Yeah?”

She already knew his question.

“Can I kiss you?”

He already knew her answer.

Y/N slyly looked at him, bringing her hands up, a bit hesitant to rest on his shoulders. “I thought this wasn’t a date.”

“Sky’s blue.” Y/N looks up at the sky and notices it’s dark blue hue, twinkling stars layers on top, surrounding the fullest, brightest moon. It was a beautiful sky, perfect to share a first kiss under.

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers as his hands came up to her hips. Her eyes fluttered shut, waiting for the climactic moment to overcome them, the air of the night chilling up her spine.

But, then she felt fiery, red hot as their lips locked together in a soft kiss. It was as soft as they felt towards one another. This giddy, slow paced, admiring kiss that had their insides melting but their hearts pounding. This kiss is exactly how Y/N images Harry. A pale yellow that’s not harsh on the eyes, that resonates happiness. Harry imagines it as a hot pink, one that takes his breath away and captures his mind.

It wasn’t long before it turned heated, Harry’s tongue sweeping into her mouth, and one of his hands travelling further south to grab hold of the flesh of her behind. Y/N let out a soft moan into his mouth as her hands tangled into his mound of curls, tugging softly on his roots.

Then the disturbing image of either one of her parents opening the front door at any moment flashed across her eyes, causing her to pull back, kissing his bottom lip softly before trailing her thumb over the swollen skin and opening her eyes to look into his gaudy, green ones.

The sounds of their breaths mingled together as tired smiles adorned their faces, little giggles leaving each of their mouths as they basked in what just happened. All Harry could think was, ‘It’s about damn time.’ All Y/N could think was, ‘Why did I ever push him away?’

“My turn,” she spoke after a few moments, standing up straighter and fixing her shirt around her body. “Pick me up tomorrow?”

A wide, shit-eating grin spread out across Harry’s face as he ran his hand through his mangled curls. “Sunrise. If y’not in this exact spot in the morning, m’knocking the door down and dragging you out by y’hair.” He hopped down off the porch, completely skipping the steps as the adrenaline of their first kiss kicked into his system.

“Sunrise,” she agreed.

He hopped back into the driver’s side of his Jeep, throwing his hand up in a goodbye wave as he sped away, already counting down the seconds until he would see his golden ray of bright and bubbly sunshine again. He’s not so sure if he’ll be able to fall asleep.

Y/N didn’t have that same problem. The moment she landed on her bed, her eyes shut faster than the speed of light, her last conscious thought being of Harry. Her smile never leaving her face. 

❊ ❊

Meeting at sunrise had become part of their routine. Not always to surf, but just to be together. Sometimes they surfed at their little alcove, other times they would watch the sun from her backyard, snuggled up in blankets on the beach. Or, they would surf, get breakfast, then fall back asleep in his bed until a more decent hour of morning.

But, their day always began at sunrise. It would be the equivalent to say that it also ended at sunset, but sunset was always too soon to part ways. 

This wasn’t an everyday occurrence, mostly at random. Except for Sundays. Sundays are specifically their day, as per request of Harry. How could he be in love with a girl that coined yellow as her color, that had a smile as bright as the huge burning star, that claimed golden hour was prime sun time, and not deem Sunday as their day? He didn’t put any second thought into it.

Despite their sort of fast paced first date, they’ve been taking things slow, truly getting used to the feel of one another over the course of the next couple of months. It wasn’t until a month later that Harry popped the question, officially making Y/N his forever buddy-buddy. Well, not necessarily forever, but they both know it’s basically forever.

Harry never wants to be alone again.

It wasn’t until the night after they became official that Y/N finally took her shirt off in front of him. She was going through one of her episodes, and Harry was the only one around who could help her. He managed to calm her down and bring her inside her house - that was empty because her parents had gone out for the night - and get her to the bathroom so she could take a shower.

Initially, he was going to let her get in by herself, knowing her boundaries in regards to her body and not seeing it. But, when he saw how worn down she looked, he whispered words of reassurance in her ear, asking her permission to help get her in the shower. He wasn’t thinking with his dick, he just wanted to help the girl that didn’t know how to help herself.

Y/N looked him in the eyes, nibbling softly on her bottom lip before averting her attention to her chest for a few moments. She trusts him, and if they’re bound to work out, she needs him to be comfortable with seeing all aspects of her both mentally and physically. Which includes her scar. 

So, she nods her head in agreement.

She lifted her arms and allowed him to remove her shirt, immediately feeling self-conscious. She couldn’t look him in the eyes as she stepped out of her shorts and underwear, going into the shower to avoid any lingering stares. Harry was quick to follow behind her, shutting the curtain after him. That’s when Y/N turned around and completely broke down, the tears that have been building behind her eyes finally pouring out. Harry wrapped her in his arms, letting her cry her eyes out for however long she needed.

When she stopped, Harry washed her hair, washed her body, washed away her bad thoughts, then washed himself as fast as he could so he could get her into her bed for the night. She snuggled up to his side, enjoying the warmness of his body that contrasted her cool ones. 

That night when her parents came home, they spotted Harry’s Jeep in front of their house. Though when the house was eerily quiet, and found the door to her bedroom slightly ajar, they peeked inside and saw the two of them fast asleep. Parents usually would get angry at the sight of their child in bed with someone of a different gender, but not Y/N’s parents.

Over the last two months, they saw their daughter break back out of her shell, slowly returning to her former self, and all because of Harry. They saw how happy she became whenever he was around, or they’d overheard happy she was when just talking about him to Kalani. How could they ever get angry at the fact that Y/N was happy?

With the blossoming of their relationship taking place at the same time as the Vans Triple Crown, word got around fast and soon enough they were the star couple leading the ranks in their respective divisions. The world -- or really the surfing world, because no one really pays attention to professional surfers, was in awe of them. They were the hype of the news, of the town, of the state. Rightfully so, because they’re awfully cute. 

It came as no surprise to everyone when the two were crowned the champions. The press went wild with this one, stating there was some scam happening behind the scenes, because what were the odds that this new star couple could both win? Or, how could Harry, a newbie, shoot his way up to the top in just one year? Or, how could Y/N dominate with her physical ailments? 

There wasn’t a hoax and there wasn’t any cheating. They both were just that good.

The day of the final competition, they may have worked just a little harder to land the championship title. Harry had picked Y/N up and they traveled to their secret hideaway bright and early in the morning. After being out at a party the night before, the two were in no shape to get in the water already, opting to snooze under the shade of a cliff on the beach for a little while. 

They didn’t sleep for very long before they got wrapped up in one another, indulging in a morning session of intimate love. They slept for maybe an hour before Y/N was ready to get her swim on, but Harry was the biggest sack of lazy mush that morning. He didn’t want to get up for nothing. He was laying down on his surfboard, completely comfortable under the shade. Y/N tried tugging on his arms to get him up, but he wouldn’t budge, a half-sleepy and dazed smile on his lips.

At one point he tugged her back, causing her to land on his lap, legs straddling his hips as her face crashed into his chest. His arms wrapped around her back, securing him to her as he said, “See? Isn’t this so much better than physical activity?”

“C’mon tubby, we got shit to do,” Y/N giggled, but Harry just held onto her tighter and nuzzled his cheek to the top of her head.

He hummed, “S’comfortable here.”

Y/N didn’t know what else to do, so the only maneuver left was bribery. Harry’s no different than any guy in the sense that once sex is brought into the mix, his ears perk up and his dick stiffens. So, Y/N was going to use that to her advantage. “If you get up, you can fuck me all night tonight.”

Harry was quick to sit up, her still in his lap, eyes squinted in suspicion. Y/N bit her lip to refrain from laughing, but she was mentally patting herself on the back. His hands shifted down her back to grab onto the flash of her behind, pulling her center closer to his and building up a bit of friction. “How about right now and tonight?”

“I can’t be exhausted for today, H,” Y/N rolled her eyes, moving to get herself off his lap, but he kept her grounded.

“You don’t ‘ave to get in the water now. You’ve practiced, you’re prepared, you got this. The championship is practically in your hands already,” he disclosed, peppering kisses up the side of her neck, a few across her jawline, and then landing on her lips.

Even if that may be true, she doesn’t want that to stop her from putting effort and time into winning. “Harry…” she started, getting lost in the feel of his lips suckling a lovebite right in the crook of her neck, her most sweet spot. He lifted his hips up slightly, pushing against her heat, eliciting the smallest moan from her mouth.

“Bet y’soaking your suit. Can I see?”

They only have a limited amount of time before they need to get to the Northshore at Ehukai Beach Park for the competition. It was about a forty-five minute drive alone. But, Harry’s lips and fingers were way too persuasive, so Y/N nodded her head.

“Good girl.”

He lifted her up so her back was now against the belly of his pink board, her legs immediately wrapped around his broad shoulders as he placed a chaste kiss to her clothed core. She whined as he hooked his fingers into her bikini bottoms, dragging them tortuously slow down her legs. His eyes immediately attracted themselves to her glistening slit, her wetness practically inviting him in. “So fucking pretty, baby.”

Harry’s hands pushed her legs as far apart as they would go, licking a fat stripe up from her little hole to her sensitive clit. Y/N threw her head back as he focused his attention on her clit, swirling his tongue around the little bud before sucking it into his mouth. She was a whimpering mess, but that earned her a smack on the ass and a first warning from Harry.

“No one’s around. Let me hear you loud and clear,” he gave her a pointed look, keeping their eye contact as he went a little further south, pushing the tip of his tongue into her cunt. Y/N tried closing her legs around his head but Harry just pushed them open further, keeping a firm grip on her thighs that were bound to leave bruises. Bruises just for her. 

Her jaw fell slack, moans tumbling past her pink lips louder and louder. Her nails dug into his shoulders, most likely leaving scratches he’ll find later when they’re stinging in the shower. Just for him.

Y/N was growing restless as he inserted his middle and ring finger inside of her, pushing and pulling them at an intense pace that caused her toes to curl in the sand by his hips. When he managed to push his index finger in alongside the other two, Y/N began to see stars at the stretch of her walls.

“So tight f’me. Imagine it was my cock instead. Would feel so good and full, but you’d be too exhausted for later, hm?” He cooed, letting her adjust to the extra digit inside of her before fucking her harder and faster than before. He kissed up her tummy that was visible from under her shirt before landing his forehead against hers.

His free hand grabbed a hold of her jaw, making her face him which caused her eyes to open up quickly, locking eye contact with one another. “S’a shame. M’so hard, like a fucking rock. But you’ll be too tired.”

Teasingly, Y/N nodded her head in agreement, earning a hard glare from her lover. At this, he stopped the movement of his fingers, slowly pulling them out of her. Y/N’s mouth opened wide, her eyebrows scrunching in confusion as Harry sucked his fingers past his lips, indulging in her sweetness that tasted like a little sliver of heaven. 

“Wh-wha…?”

“Close y’mouth, Y/N. Gonna catch flies,” he smirked, reaching over for her bikini bottoms and sliding them back up her legs until they were nestled against her soaking wet, throbbing pussy. “Said it y’self. Can’t be exhausted for the finale today, gotta be quick on your feet and coasting the gnarliest waves. C’mon slow poke, gotta get some practice in.”

So, Y/N was pissed off to say the least. And because of this, she was extra determined to push herself as far as she could to come out on top today. Harry on the other hand, well he was just mad that he had an insane hard-on that his own girlfriend didn’t want to tend to. He should’ve expected his little stunt wouldn’t go over nicely, but the look on her face when he stopped was absolutely priceless.

When it was announced that Y/N and Harry had won in their divisions everyone was beyond elated at the news, cheers and hugs and kisses spread all around the group. Though when it was their turn to congratulate each other, they looked at each other, small smiles on their faces before they turned to make conversation with someone else. That didn’t stop them from reaching for one another though, slyly interlocking their hands together.

They were whisked away quickly for pictures, holding their trophies high in the air, the biggest smiles on their faces. Y/N’s parents were cheering them on, more specifically her because they were so proud she was able to take her life back. Y/N could cry at the sight of her mother being a blubbering mess, and her dad’s admiration sparkling across his eyes. Though, with the support of her family, Y/N’s mind couldn’t help but wonder about Harry’s family, and how they couldn’t support their son with what he loved. 

With this, Y/N squeezed his hand harder, and despite the cameras around them, she leaned up on her tiptoes and placed a kiss to his lips, the clicks of the cameras and the chatter of the crowd increasing. But, neither of them cared as they looked at one another, full of love.

Because that’s what this was. Love.

It didn’t matter that they had only met a little over three months ago, only dating for two months. They were in love. And that’s all that mattered.

Going out to dinner that night, they hardly left each other’s sides. They were being that obnoxious clingy couple that no one likes being around, but they didn’t care. Because they both knew they were in love. An unspoken love that didn’t have to be announced because the whole world knew, and so did they.

“Cheers to the love birds! And for the love of God, could you stop looking at each other like that,” AJ gagged, causing everyone to laugh before they clinked glasses.

When they left the restaurant, Harry and Y/N hopped into Betty, driving around for a little while before they decided to stay at his for the night. It was when the wind was blowing in her hair again, the moon shining above them and shining through her hair, his hand gently on her thigh, squeezing softly in contrast to that morning, that Harry truly felt it. This love that he has for this girl. Love that’s meant just for her. Her, and only her.

This gushy feeling was put on hold for a little while though the moment they walked through the door of his apartment. Y/N was bent over the arm of his living room couch, her one leg bent and on the armrest beside her while the other was trying its best to keep her steady on the ground. Harry’s fist was wrapped up in her hair, proving to make it more difficult for her to keep her balance. Though she wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“What’s the matter, babe? You said I could fuck you all night.” Harry’s hot breath coated the shell of her ear, “Y’tired?”

She gasped at a particularly hard thrust that felt like it had hit against her cervix, trying to get the word No out in between her moans and whimpers. 

“Hope not. Had me aching all day for your tiny cunt. M’gonna need a few hours to really appreciate it.” She could feel his menacing smirk against her skin as he again thrusted so far deep inside of her, her one leg gave out. If it wasn’t for Harry holding her up, she would’ve fell right over, too weak to even try and get back up.

They went twice on the couch before Harry helped her get to the shower, where they did it again. And then when they finally cleaned themselves, they got into bed, where they did it again, but this one could be classified under love-making. It was slow and sensual and sweet, just like them. Harry paid extra attention to her scar, trailing down the tissue with soft kisses as they softly climaxed together.

It was a little past midnight at this point, and they were both extremely tired. Y/N was on the brink of dozing off into dreamland before Harry interrupted her exhaustion. 

“We never finished our game of twenty questions, did we?” He murmured, pushing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Y/N lazily opened her eyes, shaking her head, “Don’t believe so.”

“Think it’s my turn,” he hummed. “Do you love me?”

There was silence for a brief couple of seconds, making Harry think Y/N had dozed off before answering his question. But, Y/N just needed those seconds to collect her mushed thoughts inside of her mushy brain before giving him a coherent and valid response.

“Yeah. I do.”

Harry smiled, probably the biggest he’s ever smiled, leaning down and taking hold of her face and smashing their lips together in a ceremonious kiss.

“Sick. Ditto, Sunshine.”

[berberriescorner]

“Hungry and Hormonal”

Characters: Angel Reyes x black!reader

Summary: Angel finds himself in hot water with his wife who’s expecting.

Warnings: Little bit of angst. Little bit of fluff. Dirty talk and implied smut 😏.

A/N: This is my first time posting anything I’ve written so please go easy on me y’all 😂! More than likely there are grammatical errors. I wrote this from a simple idea that popped into my head. I hope you all enjoy it ♥️.

Word Count: 700+

GIF credit: @angelreyesgirl 😊.

For the past hour, it had been nothing but silence between the two of you. Angel had reached his breaking point and was tired of the silent treatment and your incessant pouting.

“Querida, you’ve been sitting here for the past hour with that scowl on your face. I said I was sorry.”

Still not ready to let it go, you didn’t respond. Sinking further into the couch with a kiss to the teeth, your eyes stayed glued to the television.

“I said I’d buy you some more, mi dulce.”

That one little sentence lit a fuse within you as the pregnancy hormones kicked into overdrive.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to eat my ice cream, Angel! It’s the only thing that satisfies my cravings. The only freaking food that I can keep down because your baby refuses to let up on the morning sickness.”

“Why is it my baby when the little one is giving you morning sickness, but our baby when you’re fine,” he questioned with a smirk on his face.

“You think this is a joke. I had my heart set on that cookies and cream. I haven’t eaten all day. In case you didn’t know I spent the better part of my day in bed fatigued and nauseated.”

You had started your tirade with anger but by the time the last word fell out of your mouth the hormones flip-flopped and tears were threatening to spill.

“Mamí no, no, no don’t cry. I’ll go get you some more right now,” Angel replied springing from the couch to grab his keys.

Before he could make it to the door you switched from crying to whining.

“No baby, I don’t want you to go. I’m sorry these fucking hormones are causing me to act like a crazy person. I’m just exhausted, nauseous, and hungry all at the same time. I can’t believe I’m sitting here crying over some damn ice cream,” you said in a weary voice.

Angel understood and didn’t take Y/N’s mood swings personally. With it being their second child he was aware that pregnancy could be both beautiful and difficult. He didn’t eat his wife’s ice cream to spite her. Coming home in the early hours of the morning fresh off a club run, he was desperate for a late-night snack. He figured he could replace it before Y/N had noticed. Unfortunately, he was busy the following day and forgot all about it. Returning home from a long stressful day Angel found his wife sifting through the freezer mumbling curse words under her breath, and that’s when he remembered. He copped to it and that’s how you two wound up in the battle of the ice cream.

“Come mamí. I’m going to run you a nice relaxing bath. While you're in there, I’ll DoorDash your ice cream and some other snacks. After that, it’s ice cream and then bed for you. We’ll cuddle and watch a movie until you fall asleep.”

“What about AJ? One of us has to go pick him up from my parent's house.”

“Already taken care of. EZ picked him up and he’s going to stay the night with his tio and abuelo. Give us a break for the night. I had planned on having a night alone with you so I dropped his overnight bag at pop’s before I came home. I’ve been missing you mi dulce.”

Y/N wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and gave him a few pecks on the lips. She hugged him as tight as her little baby bump would allow. Inhaling his intoxicating scent made her tingle all over as a pool began to form in her panties.

“I’m sorry I was being bitchy papí. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” she asked looking up at her husband while biting her lip.

Angel grabbed a handful of her backside and bent down to her level to whisper in her ear.

“This is exactly how you got pregnant. Always so horny and ready to take daddy’s dick. I bet you’re already dripping for me. Tell you what, Instead of a bath let’s make it a hot shower. I know you’re tired baby girl. Let’s just take care of you tonight mamí. You up against the shower wall with my head between your legs sounds so fucking good. You gonna be a good girl for daddy and let him eat that pretty little pussy mi dulce?”

Before you could respond he picked you up and headed for the master bathroom. Angel feasted upon you in both the shower and bedroom. You’re not even sure how many times you came that night, but you damn sure fell asleep with a smile on your face.

[blackstarising]

precipice, a buckysarah fic | also on ao3

bucky and sarah spend saturday mornings together on the wilson's back porch. neither remembers when this became a habit.

She’s awake for a few moments before she hears it, the creaking, through the open window. It’s not loud, of course, it’s never loud, Daddy had dutifully oiled the swing’s joints to make sure that wouldn’t happen, but age had touched it just enough that, nowadays, you’d know if someone was sitting there.

Sarah sits up, and rubs the sleep from her eyes. The thick, summer air fills her lungs, the same that coats her forehead in a sheen of sweat. Lingering tension from melts from her shoulders. Unconsciously, she brushes the dog tags nestled inside of her shirt.

He’s okay. Thank God.

A familiar electric buzz runs up the back of her spine as she pads past the boys’ rooms and tiptoes down the stairs. Months ago, that buzz would have prompted her toss her bonnet onto her bed, to swiftly change into jeans and a somewhat presentable T-shirt, even though Saturday mornings before 8 were, by law, designated as Sarah Time.

And then, three weeks ago, the last time she’d seen him in person, she’d raced down the stairs to get AJ’s stuffed toy (some Minecraft thing? Sarah could never keep track) that he’d accidentally left outside before he woke up, cheesy printed pajamas and all. He hadn’t flinched.

He could fit into Sarah Time, she’d decided, right then and there. Lizzo’s “Cuz I Love You” was left on repeat on her phone for her the rest of the day.

So she slips downstairs, ‘Bad Mama Jama’ shirt and all. Coffee steeps. Two mugs are produced, lactose-free milk dumped into each, and a sizable glop of honey into hers.

After all this time, his breath still catches a little when he sees her come out the back door. The humidity that sticks to Bucky’s skin like a stifling coat makes her skin shimmer in the faint sunlight. She yawns, her nose wrinkling just enough that it’s painfully cute, and then she relaxes, still sleepy but serene as she presses the hot mug into his right hand.

“Hey.” He greets her.

“Hey.” Her smile grows. “You’re back.”

“I am. With cinnamon rolls.” Sure enough, a paper bag rests next to the swing. He pats his left side, and she obliges. Their thighs touch plainly this time.

She takes a slow sip of her coffee. “Hope you haven’t been sitting here all night. Where’s Sam?”

“About an hour, and still in DC. Captain America business, and all that.”

“And what? No Winter Soldier business?”

Bucky shrugs. “I like the quiet.” Her quiet. Or maybe just her and the boys, though the boys weren’t that quiet. And ‘like’ was too weak a word at this point, probably.

She takes another sip of coffee, strangely proud. He does too, if only to silence the annoyingly insistent voice in the back of his head nagging him to just put his arm around her shoulder already.

“Still not sure about this fancy milk, though.”

“You mean milk that me and the kids can actually digest?” Sarah knows damn well he can’t taste the difference. “Well, I have bad news for you about oat milk. And soy milk." She grins wickedly. "And don't forget rice milk-”

“None of which belong in coffee.” After nearly a century of identities and missions she’s not sure if she ever wants to hear about, his Brooklyn accent is faint, but he still stretches out the caw in ‘coffee’. How mortifying it is, the way she perks up when that grit bleeds out.

He brushes the bright blue hem of her bonnet. “Is this new?”

She shakes her head and pulls it off. Dark braids tumble down her shoulders. These ones are new, he notices - they’re tighter at the root, and shimmer with oil that smells of roses. “Found out AJ stuffed it in the couch cushions a month ago. I just happened to stick my hand down there yesterday. I do not know what it is about him and that damn couch.” She snickers. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a signed check for a million dollars down there one day.”

He chuckles, and gives the ground a little kick the start the swing going again. “Did he get his new glasses yet? Last time I was here, he was saying that he didn’t want to see the optometrist again.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t like the...” Sarah makes a motion with a finger, like she’s pressing a button. “There’s a little gun they use. They blow a puff of air onto your eyeball.”

Bucky recoils a little. “They what?”

“It’s supposed to measure it for the prescription. They tried to do it on me before they did his. I thought it was supposed to be just like a little breeze, but it bounces off your eye.” She pauses and scratches her head. “I may have hollered-”

“Ha! I bet he took that well.”

“I had to get him on my lap to calm down.” She sighs and pouts, just a little. “At least he still wants to be held. Cass makes me drop him off a block away from school now.”

Cass is indeed growing. Overnight, he’s shot up like a reed so that he’s just as high as Bucky’s shoulders. His normally smooth skin is interrupted by a few bumps, and his voice bounces around in pitch like an untuned clarinet. Something in his chest twinges when he considers it, how time marches forward. How, very soon, the collective wide-eyed innocence of the boys will harden into adulthood.

Her gaze falls to his left hand. The fingers curl and flex. She still remembers the first time she’d looked at his arm, really looked at it, the dark plates molding and shifting. It’d been the second time they’d shared this same porch, waiting for Sam to bring back the boys from fishing.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Sarah, he’d said suddenly, catching her gaze. His voice had been heavy, but clear. Dark blue eyes filled with regret. I’ve hurt people. Killed people. I didn’t have a choice, but, with you and- here, she’d held her breath as his Adam’s apple bobbed, how quickly he’d blinked - and the boys, I...I don’t want- I need you to know all of me. Who I’ve been. Who I am. And then you can decide. But you can’t do that if I’m not honest.

She doesn’t remember what she’d said after. She does remember watching him get into the truck so Sam could take him to the airport. How he’d paused when he’d opened the door, and turned towards her, eyes wide. Vulnerable. How she’d smiled at him, and waved, maybe a bit too cheesily, like it’d been the easiest thing in the world, because despite it all, oddly, she hadn’t been afraid. How the widest grin had broken out on his face and something deep inside her chest that had been closed had burst open for the first time since she’d lost Andrew. And she remembers watching the truck pull out of the drive as her heart filled to such a capacity that her chest hurt, and the second they’d disappeared over the hill she’d promptly burst into tears, well, really, half laughing and half sobbing, because how the hell was she supposed to know she could find that feeling again?

It’s only when she sees his jaw clench that she finally notices the cut, long and fading pink against his chiseled cheekbones. Maybe she’s getting too used to them - he’s always injured in some way when he gets back.

He can see that familiar softening in her eyes as she catches sight of the gash. Well, it had been a gash just an hour before, the result of catching a thrown knife on his cheek before he’d caught the hilt. But what’s about to happen next will play like clockwork.

First, she’s going to try to get a closer look. Her index and pointer finger come up just under his chin, tilting his head to the side. His skin tingles, the electricity of her concern rushing through him.

Then, she’ll hum. She’s never chastised him, though he wouldn’t know what there’d be to say if she tried. But that hum says more than enough.

“Hmm.”

In the moment, she doesn’t feel herself cupping his face with both hands, it just sort of happens. Her throat dries instantly as the stubble brushes in her palms.

He can’t breathe, but every single muscle in his body relaxes. He sinks into her touch.

“Y- you should see the other guy,” he manages to get out. There’s a faint memory that breaks to the surface, the docks in New York, 1940-something, 1943? A date whose name has been lost to time, the last date he’d ever go on. Soft hands cupping his face, just like this, and warm, pleading ruby-red lips crashing dully into his, a whisper to not forget her.

Sarah’s tongue darts between her lips. Both thumbs rub small circles into his cheeks. It wasn’t a question of if he wanted to kiss her, no. When has a day gone by that he hasn’t thought of kissing her? How is it that it’s never happened, but he can see it, clear as crystal, and hold it in his mind’s eye. How can he already feel her warm and flush and present and breathless and real against him?

Very slowly, she comes back to herself, and her face immediately flushes with a sharper heat. Her hands awkwardly drop from his face. She tries to think of something, anything, to interrupt the silence (to explain herself?), but every word that comes to mind sticks helplessly in her throat and she just can’t stand it because she’s the same, she’s exactly the same as she’d been at 17, leg jiggling and sweating and staring a hole right through the back of Andrew’s head in AP Calculus.

(She’d never wanted to punch Sam so bad back then when he’d had the audacity to say well, just tell him, already. The audacity of him, to think things were so simple.)

She leans back, scooting just a hair away this time. The crest of the sun beams through the trees, painfully bright. Her pulse is louder now. She’s looking at the small grove so intently she doesn’t even register the weight gently settle on her left shoulder at first. It only clicks when she feels the cool metal of his thumb brush up and down her bicep. Their eyes lock, brown against against blue.

He’s still smiling, and she, she realizes, is too.

So she melts into him. She melts into him, her ear landing over his chest, her arm wrapping around the small of his back. She sighs into the muted whoosh whoosh whoosh of his heartbeat, the cotton of his shirt, and the faint smell of spearmint on his breath. Another kick of her foot and they’re swinging yet again, back and forth, back and forth. The sun pulls itself up ever higher and higher.

The light starts to burn his cheek. “The boys’ll be up soon,” he murmurs into her hair.

She snuggles deeper into him. “Mmm.”

They’re on the precipice of something, this, they both know. They're inching closer and closer, and one day they’ll step off, and she’ll kiss him full on the mouth and whenever he’ll come back to the house he’ll be coming back home and whenever they go anywhere they’ll stick each others hand in their back pockets in that particular way that teenagers do that let everyone know that they’re each others and there’s nothing they can do about it.

One day. But for now, this is more than enough.

They like the quiet.

[promenadewithme]

First of all, I want to thank all of you so much for the follows, likes, comments, reblogs and support in general! I can't believe I hit 50 followers so soon! I know it’s not much, but I actually didn’t expect any at all so I’m so happy!! Thank you ❤️

Now, this is how the celebration is going to work: first you chose a song and a character. Then send it to my requests with your pronoun of choice, along with any other specifications and I'll write you a fic based on the song! You can either send the song or specific quotes as prompts

To find the fics I will write, use the #Anastasia's 50 followers celebration

This event starts today (May 20th) and ends June 10th

Support Me on Ko-Fi - if you’re feeling generous 💕

Songs:

Fluff (Romantic)

Paper Rings - Taylor Swift

London Boy - Taylor Swift

Love Story - Taylor Swift

Lover - Taylor Swift

King of My Heart - Taylor Swift

Willow - Taylor Swift

Crazier - Taylor Swift

New Year’s Day - Taylor Swift

Daylight - Taylor Swift

Jump Then Fall - Taylor Swift

How You Get The Girl - Taylor Swift

You Are In Love - Taylor Swift

It’s Nice To Have A Friend - Taylor Swift

Today Was A Fairytale - Taylor Swift

State Of Grace - Taylor Swift

Mine - Taylor Swift

Delicate - Taylor Swift

Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur

Naked - James Arthur

Rewrite The Stars - James Arthur + Anne-Marie

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz

Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran

Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran

How Would You Feel (Paean) - Ed Sheeran

Kiss Me - Ed Sheeran

Afterglow - Ed Sheeran

Lego House - Ed Sheeran

Dive - Ed Sheeran

Galway Girl - Ed Sheeran

Everything Has Changed - Ed Sheeran + Taylor Swift

I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly + Ed Sheeran

Make You Feel My Love -Adele

One Call Away - Charlie Puth

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

Just The Way You Are - Bruno Mars

Count On Me - Bruno Mars

Little Things - One Direction

Night Changes - One Direction

Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

Andante, Andante - ABBA

Waterloo - ABBA

All Of Me - John Legend

Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish

Snowman - Sia

A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

Arms - Christina Perri

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

Halo - Beyoncé

The Only Exception - Paramore

Dandelions - Ruth B

Someone To You - BANNERS

Would You Be So Kind - Dodie

Someone You Like - The Girl and The Dreamcatcher

If I Could Tell Her - Ben Platt 

Absolutely Smitten - Dodie

How Long Will I Love - Ellie Goulding

Angst (Romantic)

Good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

Drivers License - Olivia Rodrigo

Deja Vu - Olivia Rodrigo

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Traitor - Olivia Rodrigo

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

1 step forward, 3 steps back - Olivia Rodrigo

Happier - Olivia Rodrigo

Jealousy, Jealousy- Olivia Rodrigo

Favourite Crime - Olivia Rodrigo

Hope Ur Ok - Olivia Rodrigo

Betty - Taylor Swift

Exile - Taylor Swift

Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift

Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift

Tolerate It - Taylor Swift

You’re Not Sorry - Taylor Swift

Should’ve Said No - Taylor Swift

White Horse - Taylor Swift

You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

My Tears Ricochet - Taylor Swift

Back to December - Taylor Swift

Breathe - Taylor Swift

The 1 - Taylor Swift

All Too Well - Taylor Swift

Invisible String - Taylor Swift

Evermore - Taylor Swift

Lose You To Love Me - Selena Gomez

The Heart Wants What It Wants - Selena Gomez

When I Was Your Man -Bruno Mars

Someone Like You - Adele

Hello - Adele

All I Ask - Adele

Let Her Go - Passenger

Say Something - A Great Big World

Stay With Me - Sam Smith

California King Bed - Rihanna

Take a Bow - Rihanna

Broken Hearted Girl - Beyoncé

Tonight I Wanna Cry - Keith Urban

The Winner Takes It All - ABBA

SOS - ABBA

One Of Us - ABBA

Half a Heart - One Direction

Yesterday - The Beatles

If The World Was Ending - Julia Michaels

Colors - Halsey

Happier - Ed Sheeran

One Last Time - Ariana Grande

Why’d You Only Call Me When You High - Artic Monkeys

Play Date - Melanie Martinez

Just a Friend to You - Meghan Trainor

All I Want - Kodaline

Love You From A Distance - Ashley Kutcher

Potential Breakup Song - Aly & AJ

I Don’t Wanna See You With Her - Maria Mena

Let Her Go - Passenger

All My Tears - Ane Brun

Always On My Mind - Elvis Presley

Someone to you - Lewis Capaldi 

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi

Others

Sit Still, Look Pretty - Daya

How To Be A Heartbreaker - MARINA

No Body, No Crime - Taylor Swift

Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

Blank Space - Taylor Swift

You Need To Calm Down - Taylor Swift

Getaway Car -Taylor Swift

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

Bad Blood - Taylor Swift

The Man - Taylor Swift

22 - Taylor Swift

Dorothea - Taylor Swift

Marjorie - Taylor Swift

The Best Day - Taylor Swift

Mirrorball - Taylor Swift

I Forgot That You Existed - Taylor Swift

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things - Taylor Swift

The Lakes - Taylor Swift

The Last Great American Dynasty - Taylor Swift

Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson

When I Kissed The Teacher - ABBA

I Have A Dream - ABBA

I've Been Waiting For You - ABBA

You'll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Titanium - David Guetta (feat. Sia)

F**ckin' Perfect - P!nk

New Rules - Dua Lipa

IDGAF - Dua Lipa

Bad Guy - Billie Eilish

You Should See Me in A Crown - Billie Eilish

COPYCAT - Billie Eilish

Count On Me - Bruno Mars

Stand By You - Rachel Platten

Firework - Katy Perry

Because You Loved Me - Céline Dion

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa + Charlie Puth

NO - Meghan Trainor

Skyfall - Adele

Gasoline - Halsey

Castle On The Hill - Ed Sheeran

Save Myself - Ed Sheeran

Supermarket Flowers - Ed Sheeran

Small Bump - Ed Sheeran

Growing Up - Macklemore, Ryan Lewis, Ed Sheeran

7 Rings - Ariana Grande

Bad Liar - Selena Gomez

Rare - Selena Gomez

Who Says - Selena Gomez

I Turn To You - Christina Aguilera

Till There Was You - The Beatles

Sweetest Devotion - Adele

ps: sorry, I'm a Swiftie and a Sheerio <3

Characters

Character x fem! or GN! reader (ROMANTIC)

ACOTAR: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, Helion, Tarquin, kallias and Tamlin.

BRIDGERTON: Anthony Bridgerton, Benedict Bridgerton, Colin Bridgerton and Simon Basset.

GRISHAVERSE: Nikolai, Mal, The Darkling, Kaz, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan and David.

THRONE OF GLASS: Dorian Havilliard and Chaol Westfall.

HARRY POTTER: Harry, Ron, Neville, Draco, George, Fred, Oliver, Cedric, Young Sirius, Young James and Young Remus.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Mr Darcy and Mr Bingley.

MARVEL: Steve, Bucky, Sam, Pietro, Loki, Thor, Peter Parker, Ned, Tony, Bruce, Vision, Clint, T'Challa, Scott Lang, James Rhodes, Peter Quill and Stephen Strange.

THE HUNGER GAMES: Peeta, Gale and Finnick.

GREY'S ANATOMY: Derek Shepherd, Andrew DeLuca, Alex Karev, Jackson Avery, Mark Sloan, George O'Malley, Link, Koracick and Ben Warren.

TEEN WOLF: Scott, Stiles, Derek, Isaac, Liam and Jackson.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: Damon, Stefan, Matt, Klaus, Elijah and Kai.

NARNIA: Peter, Edmund and Caspian.

STAR WARS: Anakin, Obi Wan, Kylo, Han, Luke, Poe, Finn and Din Djarin.

Character x platonic!/sis!/bro!/enemy!/daughter!/son!/mentor!/or anything else platonic Reader

ACOTAR: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Feure, Nesta, Elain, Mor, Amren, Nyx, Lucien, Tarquin, Helion, Kallias, Tamlin, Ianthe, Suriel and Bone Carver.

GRISHAVERSE: Nikolai, Mal, Darkling, David, Alina, Bahgra, Zoya, Tamar, Tolya, Apparat, Kaz, Matthias, Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Inej, Tantee Heleen and Pekka Rollins.

THRONE OF GLASS: Dorian, Chaol and Aelin.

BRIDGERTON: Anthony, Benedict, Colin; Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, Hyacinth, Lady Violet, Simon, Lady Danbury, Penelope, Lady Portia Featherington, Marina, Sienna, Genevieve, Cressida and Queen Charlotte.

HARRY POTTER: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Draco, George, Fred, Oliver, Cedric, Cho, Seamus, Fleur, Pansy, Myrtle, Sirius (old or young), James (old or young), Remus (old or young), Lily (old or young), Molly, Arthur, Bill, Percy, Charlie, Xenophilus Lovegood, Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hagrid, Moody, Flitwick, Umbridge, Bellatrix, Voldemort, Lucius, Narcissa, Peter Pettigrew, Helga Hufflepuff, Salazar Slytherin, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, Dobby and Nearly Headless Nick.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Mr Darcy, Georgiana Darcy, Mr Bingley, Caroline Bingley, Elizabeth Bennet, Jane Bennet, Mary Bennet, Lydia Bennet, Catherine Bennet, Charlotte Lucas, Wickam, Mr Collins, Mr Bennet, Mrs Bennet.

MARVEL: Steve, Peggy, Sharon, Natasha, Bucky, Sam, Carol, Monica Rambeau, Pietro, Wanda, Agatha Harkness, Loki, Frigga, Odin, Hela, Thor, Heimdall, Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis, Valkyrie, Peter Parker, Ned, MJ, Tony, Pepper, Morgan, Happy, Howard, Bruce, Vision, Clint, T'Challa, Shuri, Scott, Hope, Hank, Cassie, James Rhodes, Peter Quill, Gamora, Mantis, Nebula, Groot, Rocket, Drax, Stephen Strange, Wong, Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Thanos, Ancient One, Red Skull, Ultron, John Walker and Zemo.

THE HUNGER GAMES: Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Finnick, Haymitch, Rue, President Snow, Primrose, Effie, Cinna and Johanna.

GREY'S ANATOMY: Meredith, Derek, Andrew, Alex, Jackson, Mark, Lexie, Cristina, April, Izzie, George, Callie, Owen, Addison, Arizona, Miranda, Amelia, Link, Burke, Teddy, Maggie, Richard, Carina, Ben Warren, Megan Hunt, Ellis Grey, Catherine Avery and Tom Koracick.

TEEN WOLF: Scott, Stiles, Malia, Lydia, Allison, Derek, Isaac, Liam, Jackson, Peter Hale, Chris Argent, Sheriff Stilinski, Kira, Melissa McCall and Noshiko Yukimura.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES: Damon, Elena, Katherine, Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie, Jenna, Klaus, Elijah, Rebeka, Sheriff Forbes, Kai and Lexi.

NARNIA: Peter, Susan, Edmund, Lucy, Caspian and Aslan.

STAR WARS: Anakin, Padme, Yoda, Jarjar, Obi Wan, Kylo, Rey, Han, Leia, Luke, Poe, Finn and Din Djarin and Grogu.

No pressure tags: @venuswritesfanfic @for-bebbanburg @maggiescarborough @multifandomfix @sweetnspicysimp @lazypeachsoul @magravenwrites