#disney keep steve rogers' name out of your mouth 2022

[possibleplatypus]

The more Disney tries to ram Steve Rogers' heterosexuality down our throats, the more insecure they look. And why are they doing this? He's retired or dead or on the moon or whatever (I'll give them time to make up their minds). They sent him to the past for his heteronormative white picket fence 2.5 kids in the suburbs ending. What more do they need to prove? They're like guys who have such fragile masculinity that they overcompensate and end up showing how little confidence they actually have. If they need to constantly highlight how manly a character is or whatever-- a character whose story they themselves ended-- it says more about them than it does about the character. It shows what they think is important in the character. Not his selflessness, his heroism, his integrity and so on-- it's his ass and how many girls he's pulled in his life. And they just end up looking more foolish.

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch48: The Terrible Twos Part 1: More? 

Intro: In the fourth year since the snap, Jamie enters the terrible twos.

Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:  So this chapter is kind of a little different to the others here really, as it’s almost like a collection of long drabbles detailing their life over 2022. And just a little reminded, Phobias, Steve admits to Katie he has a fear of clowns…keep that in mind! Also linked to this chapter is a smutty little One Shot- Got You By The Chain- Guest writer @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 47

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

April 2022

By the fourth anniversary of the Snap, it finally looked like society was moving on. There was still a lot to do, but most schools and Universities were fully functioning, TV shows and Movies were back in production, restaurants and shops seemed to have gotten back to some level of ‘normality’. Whilst places weren’t as buzzing as they had been, it seemed like people were finally taking those baby steps forward, which was the mantra Steve continued to preach at his support groups.

If only it was that easy to follow your own advice. 

Steve, and the rest of those of them who had fought Thanos and been spared, would be lying if they said their failure wasn’t still at the back of their minds. But nothing short of a time machine was going to bring any of those stones back. They had to learn to live with it, and for the most they did, their lives had moved on. Tony, Pepper, Steve and Katie had become parents, so they had something to focus on. Natasha, however, was all over the place, focussing even more with Rhodey on trying to track down Clint, the archer having given his vigilante alter-ego a name- Ronin-the word taken to be an idiomatic expression for “vagrant” or “wandering man”, someone who is without a home- or so Katie’s research told them.

‘Ronin’, was still leaving trails of death and destruction all over the place and both Steve and Katie had tried to coax Natasha out of pursuing him too much. As usual, she completely ignored them and had also point blank refused to attend any of the support groups. In the end Steve had stopped asking.

He and Katie found most of their time taken up dealing with Jamie who had entered what the parents now knew why everyone dubbed the terrible twos. He was a nightmare, not necessarily due to bad behaviour but he was so boisterous and such a rough and tumble little boy thanks to the half of him that held the super serum and he was ridiculously clever too. He was constantly up to mischief, which was why now, one Thursday morning Steve was stood in the kitchen, an equal mixture of exasperation and fear flooding his system as he gazed up at his son who was once again sat on top of their large stainless steel fridge freezer, about a foot out of his dad’s reach. This was his favourite activity at the moment and neither Steve nor Katie had no idea how he kept getting up there.

The soldier was currently torn between grabbing a chair to climb up to get him down and being rooted to the spot, not wanting to move in case the tot threw himself off which he was prone to doing.

“Jamie, please come on.” Steve sighed.

“No.” “I’ll give you a cookie if you get down.” Steve pleaded, cursing inwardly at the fact he was resorting to bribery. Jamie cocked his head to one side, clearly weighing up his options and then his face split into a grin.

“Nom!” He grinned and then in a flash launched himself forward.

“Fuck.” Steve cursed, forgetting his language as he stepped back, catching the toddler in his arms, heart in his mouth. Jamie giggled as his dad’s strong arms caught him.

“Don’t do that!” Steve sighed. “Please.” He added weakly.

“Fuck.” Jamie repeated with a laugh and Steve groaned.

“No, we don’t say that.” “Why?”

“It’s a bad word.” Steve explained setting him on the counter in front of him. “Only momma and daddy can say that. And even then we shouldn’t.”  He reached for the kitchen cupboard, undoing the child lock before he grabbed the jar and held out a cookie for Jamie.

“Fankoo, Daddy”

“You’re welcome, but that doesn’t mean every time you climb something you get one.” Steve looked at him sternly.

Jamie stared back at him, his mouth full and Steve knew they boy didn’t care one iota about the utter horror he had just put him through. A fact further emphasised when the tot raised his right hand and held his forefinger and middle finger to his eyes, moving them towards his dad.

“Yeah, I am watching you, pal.” Steve arched an eyebrow at him, mentally cursing Tony once again for teaching his son ridiculous habits. “You done?”

Jamie nodded. “More?” “Not a chance.” Steve snorted, lifting him down off the counter and herding him into the living room where he distracted his boy successfully for an hour and a half or so watching Frozen, his current favourite Disney film whilst he checked over his notes for the support groups he was holding later on that afternoon. Then he gave Jamie his lunch, meals being the most painless part of his routine as the kid ate anything you put in front of him, and they set off to meet Katie at the tower. 

“Hi Mr Rogers, Hi Jamie!” Soraya, Katie’s PA, greeted them holding up her hand. Jamie leant over the desk in his father’s arms and gave her a hi-five.

“Hi, Sowaya!” He beamed and she smiled back before she turned to Steve. “She’s in the office but you might wanna wait a few seconds before you go in.” Steve was about to ask why, when he heard his wife’s angry voice through the closed door and he grimaced. Someone was getting an absolute earful and he didn’t envy them one bit.

That someone, was Jack Thompson, Katie’s Finance Manager. As part of Stark Industries programme to help orphaned older teenagers post the snap, Katie had given the go head for each major department to recruit interns to give them a spring start and a means to fund themselves. Only for the third day in a row now she had caught Jack ordering his intern to make coffees for the entire office. Not that it wasn’t part of an intern’s initiation, she understood that, but when she had drilled the girl a little more, it seems that was all she was doing, along with photocopying.

“That is not what the programme is about!” She blazed as she leant forward over her desk, Jack lounging in the chair at the other side. He raised an eyebrow at her and that made her bristle even more. “Sorry, I’m not sure what is amusing you about this situation.”

“Nothing, Mrs Rogers.” He shrugged back. “I just think you’re overacting slightly.” “Oh do you?” She asked, her voice raising further. “Well here’s an overreaction for you, you get that girl some proper jobs and activities to work on or you’ll be out of here faster than my two year old can scale the fridge.” Jack frowned

“Which is fast” Katie clarified, realising that there were all sorts of things wrong with that analogy.

“Things were a lot different with your brother at the helm.” Jack looked at her. Katie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him.

“Well I’m not my brother. If you don’t like it, feel free to leave your resignation letter on my desk.”

Jack eyeballed her for a moment before he nodded. “Understood, loud and clear.” “Good.” She stood up whilst he did the same and she smoothed down her white A-lined high wasted skirt and white blouse. Her black stilettoes clicked on the wooden flooring of her office and she opened the door, nodding out of it. Jack left, not even glancing around until a small voice rang out across the room.

“Momma shouted!” Jamie giggled gleefully. Jack stopped, looked at the boy, then to Steve who simply smiled at the man before he stalked away.

“Jerk.” Katie mumbled under her breath before she beamed at her boys. “Hi!”

“HI Momma!” Jamie grinned, wriggling until Steve popped him down and he ran to his mom to give her a hug. Steve had a split second to perve on his wife, because damned she looked good in that office outfit, before Jamie was in her arms, his mom not caring if his shoes or hands were going to dirty her clothes. She placed a kiss to his cheek as Steve walked towards her dropping one of his own onto her lips.

“Yuk!” Jamie pulled a face.

“So what had he done to earn himself the full wrath of my baby momma?” Steve jerked his head towards the door and Katie groaned.

“Just being awkward when it comes to the interns. I don’t think he’s going to last much longer.” “Good.” Soraya shot. “He’s a creep.”

Katie grinned. “So you tell me.”

Soraya shrugged. “I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

“Hmm.” Katie pondered, before she shrugged. “What’s my diary like for the rest of the day?”

“You’re clear now until four and then you have a conference call with a couple of potential authors for SIP.”

“Why don’t you do it from home?” Steve looked at her. “You were here at seven this morning.” Katie pondered before nodding. Placing Jamie on the floor she headed back into her office and grabbed her jacket and her bag, before linking her hand round her son’s.

“If anyone needs me, can you tell them to email or call my mobile, please?”

Soraya nodded “See you tomorrow, Mrs Rogers. Bye Captain, bye Jamie!”

“Bye bye!” Jamie waved as Katie led him to the elevator, Steve holding his other hand.

“You had lunch?” Steve looked over at her and she shook her head.

“It’s been manic.”

“Good, because neither have I. Thought we could grab something before I head off to the group.”

Katie grinned and leaned up to give him a kiss. “Perfect.” “Lunch?” Jamie piped up and Steve looked down at him.

“Buddy, you ate an entire bowl of spaghetti at home.” “But, I’m hungry.” He pouted and Katie looked at Steve.

“He gets that off you.” She smirked and Steve rolled his eyes.

“Who does he get climbing the fridge off?” He asked.

“Again?”

“Yeah, had to bribe him down with a cookie.”

Katie snorted. “Well I don’t know about the climbing bit but he definitely gets the negotiation skills from me”

“It wasn’t a negotiation.” Steve scoffed, as the doors opened on the ground floor “It was out and out extortion.”

Katie laughed as they stepped out into the reception, heading to the front doors which opened automatically.

“Let’s go to the deli round the corner.” She suggested and Steve nodded, positioning himself on the outside of the sidewalk as always, Jamie on the inside of his two parents as they slowed their pace to allow their son to walk the block or so round the corner.

“Momma?” He asked tugging on hand. “Yes baby?” “I haff tuna?”

“If you want tuna, yeah.”

At that point Steve, who had been watching the two of them, turned and almost walked straight into another pedestrian.

“Oh, sorry Ma’am.” He nodded to her at the same time Jamie uttered.

“Fuck.” Katie stopped dead and turned to look down at him, her voice growing stern. “James Anthony Samuel Rogers, what did you just say?”

He blinked up at her as Steve groaned, crouching down in front of his son. “I told you that was a bad word.” He softly chastised the two year old.

“Sowee Momma,Sowee daddy.” Jamie’s eyes looking down at his feet as he toed the sidewalk slightly with his little sneakers.

“Thank you for apologising.” Steve ruffled his hair as he stood up. “Don’t say it again.” “Okay.” “Where did he hear that?” Katie looked accusingly at Steve and he hesitated for a moment.

“Tony?” He shrugged, a sheepish smile crossing his face as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

Katie narrowed her eyes. “You’re still a terrible liar.” 

******

June 2022

“Now don’t go mad Spangles.” Tony immediately greeted Steve as he shut the car door and headed across the lawn area to the side of the lake house. Instantly Steve narrowed his eyes.

“What have you done?” He asked, following Tony down a well-trodden path to the back of the house where a small play tent was erected.

“Nothing.” Tony shrugged, as Steve followed him round to the back of the house. “Well, nothing bad, just…”

“Stop, or I’ll shoot!” Steve heard Morgan speak before she popped her head out of the tent, and held her left hand out in front of her. She was wearing a red glove with some form of battery powered light strapped to the palm. Before Steve could comment, Jamie followed, the same item on his right.

“Pew pew!” He grinned, making the noise at his dad. Steve took a deep breath and scowled at Tony.

“Really?”

“Hey look, it was this or the actual gauntlets so,” he shrugged and then Steve really did give him a glare. Tony held his hands up. “I was in the garage tinkering and they saw them and wanted one of their own so…”

“Iron Man!” Jamie grinned up at his dad “Look Daddy, like Unca Nee!”

“And I suppose those just have to come back to my house with the pair of them tonight?” Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony. “You know, I can always refuse to babysit.”

“Err, no you can’t.” Tony smirked. “First off we had Jamie last night so you and Katie could have a night alone, and second off…” “Uncle Pangles!” Morgan threw herself at him, her arms wrapping around his legs. “We can play tonight, I stay at yours!”

“…you can’t resist her Stark charm.” Tony smirked as Steve sighed, bending down to give his niece a kiss on the head.

Katie tried not to laugh at the look on Steve’s face as he recounted the incident later that evening as they sat out in the back round the fire pit torching S’mores with Emmy. Jamie and Morgan were fast asleep in Jamie’s room.

“Well Dad,” Emmy sat back and looked at him, her brown eyes flashing with mischief, “sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire…”

“What you got in mind?” He looked at her.

“We’re pretty good at art, right?” She shrugged and Steve nodded. “Let’s put it to use.”

So the next morning, as soon as the hardware shop opened, Emmy and Steve were in there gathering supplies for the Great Rogers Revenge plan, sharing a victorious hi-five whilst they loaded the trunk of the car up with their ammo. Katie told them she didn’t want to know what they were planning and she meant it, steering clear of Steve’s man-cave for the rest of the morning, calling them back to the house at eleven ish for a coffee and a slice of banana bread when Natasha dropped in. The two women could hear Steve and Emmy sniggering as they approached and when they walked into the kitchen, Katie was greeted by the pair of them holding up their finished items.

“Oh my God!” Natasha spluttered. There was a slight pause, before Katie cracked up laughing as Steve and Emmy held up their masterpieces. They had painted the insides of two small metal trash can lids to look like replicas of Steve’s shield.

“I got the idea from a picture in my history books.” Emmy said, grinning “Some young kids in a Brooklyn street after the war, playing with the lids like they were shields…” “Perfect handles to hold them with, look.” Steve grinned, flipping his round “And they’re spray varnished too so the paint won’t rub off.”

“Cap!” Jamie shrieked as the sight of the items Steve and Emmy were holding.

“Wow!” Morgan looked up in awe “Is one for me?” “Sure is, Moo.” Steve bent down and showed the two children how to grab the shield with their hands on the handles and, once he was confident they had got it, they shot out of the back door and down onto the grass, Lucky leaping up from where he had been snoozing under a tree and heading inside out of the way.

“Just do me a favour and don’t show teach ‘em to throw them.” Katie sighed, watching as Jamie was busy holding his shield in front of him as Morgan aimed her faker repulsor beam clad hand at him.

Steve shook his head, grabbing a piece of cake. “No point, we tried and it doesn’t work. They don’t have the same weight or trajectory.”

“Yeah, they just kinda hover for a bit and then fall down.” Emmy shrugged, her mouth full of banana bread. “This is good, mom.”

“Thanks.” Katie smiled “Nat you want another piece?”

“No thanks.” she shook her head, “don’t wanna ruin our lunch.” “Lunch?” Steve paused, the slice of cake halfway to his mouth.

“I told you last night,” Katie rolled her eyes, “me and Nat are off for lunch and shopping.”

“You wanna come Em?” Nat asked.

“Nope.” She shook her head. “I wanna be here when Uncle Tony picks these two up.”

She fist bumped Steve and Katie shook her head at the pair of them.

“Well, I do not. Gimme two mins Nat and I’ll grab my shoes.”

**** “So, Steve and I are taking the kids away in a month or so, why don’t you come with us?” Katie asked as they sat in a small tapas bar, just off Times Square. Nat pondered for a while before she shook her head.

“I can’t leave the compound.”

“Why not?” “If something goes wrong, I need to be there.” “Nat,” Katie sighed, “it isn’t your responsibility. The Avengers, we’re not…” Natasha cut her off, “Don’t, please,” she shook her head, “it’s my job. If I can help in even the smallest of ways then I should.” Katie bit her lip before she reached over for her glass of water. She understood that in all fairness, Steve had gone through his own phase of feeling useless not long after the snap but had found his niche for sure with the support groups. If this was how Nat was dealing with it then…

“Anyway, enough about that.” Nat changed the subject. “Tell me more about the delightful language my God-Son has been learning.” Katie groaned. “Did I tell you about the whole, oh Fuck thing a few months back?” “Yeah.”

“Well a few nights ago we’re sat at the table and he suddenly shouts ‘Daddy, fuck.’ So, of course Steve tells him off. But he doesn’t stop. ‘Momma, fuck, Emmy, fuck…’ and Steve’s getting more and more exasperated, trying to tell him to stop, and wasn’t until Jamie pointed to the table and shouts ‘need fuck’ we realised he wanted a fork for his pasta and not the spoon we had given him.” Katie grinned as Natasha laughed. “Honestly Nat, I thought Steve was gonna have a heart attack.”

“Yeah he doesn’t like that kinda language.” Natasha grinned biting into a breadstick.

“I wouldn’t mind but he taught Jamie that word, not intentionally of course. And then there was the jackass incident.”

“What?”

“Someone pulled out in front of me at a junction. I forgot he was in the car so I slammed on the horn and flipped him off shouting ‘jackass’ out the window.” Katie took another drink of her water “Didn’t think anything of it until we were leaving Tony’s later that afternoon. I wound the back windows down in the car so Jamie could wave. Only he doesn’t wave, he raises his middle finger and calls Tony a jackass”

Natasha laughed. “Well, he’s not wrong.���

“Funnily enough that’s what Steve said.” Katie grinned. “Mind you, what he did at the supermarket the other day tops it all.” She took a bite of her garlic mushrooms. “He’s sat in the trolley and loud as you like shouts ‘I got a woody in my pants’. The woman in the aisle next to us just looks at us and Steve starts trying to explain that he was wearing Toy Story underpants, I mean…”

Natasha spluttered out her calamari, choking slightly as she started to laugh, Katie grinned before she too chuckled. It was funny now she thought about it. Tto be honest Katie had found it funny at the time, Steve was the one that had flushed bright red. At that point her phone began to ring and she fished it out of her bag.

“Uh oh.” She winced and looked at Nat

“Stark?”

She nodded “Hi Tone…” “Oh don’t hi Tone me,” his voice hit her ears, “your husband is a grade A…”

“I hope you don’t have Morgan in the car whilst you’re being so angry.” Katie jokingly chastised her brother

“A trash can lid. A god-damned trashcan lid.” “Yeah well you send our kid home with some of your shit, we’re gonna repay the favour, now if you don’t mind…”

She cut the call and saw that she had a message from Steve.

Game, set and match to Spangles ;-)

She snorted.

“Are they ever gonna stop this tit for tat with the kids?” Natasha asked.

Katie shook her head, smiling. In all honesty she kind of liked the friendly little feud they had going. It was all good natured, and she enjoyed the closeness of her family.  “Nope. Sometimes I forget exactly who the kids are. The pair of them act worse than two year olds.”

******

August 2022

“Did Em tell you about the bloke at the harbour?” Steve asked, looking at Katie. The two of them were sat on the veranda of the villa on Tony’s Island. It was the last night of their two week vacation and the family had spent the time playing in the pool, on the beach- Emmy and Jamie scouring the sand for shells and other mementoes to bring home. Jamie had been particularly taken with watching the fishing boats as they left and returned from the small harbour, Steve often taking him and Emmy down to watch when they brought back their catches of the day, the small boy engaging as enthusiastically and as well he could with his two-year-old vocabulary and the locals had been nothing but gracious and kind back to him and his older sibling.

 Katie suspected it was for that reason that they had returned earlier that night with a selection of seafood which Katie had enjoyed preparing for them, along with numerous salads, potatoes and some local fruits for afters. The four had gorged themselves and the kids, after no protest at all due to them being exhausted, were now tucked up in bed leaving the married couple to take in their last night alone.

“No?” Katie looked at Steve.

“He kept asking me how much I wanted for her.” Steve smirked and Katie laughed. “She thought it was hilarious too, until I offered to sell her for three lobsters and a couple mahi-mahi.”

“Oh I bet she loved that.” Katie looked at him, as he shrugged, drinking from his beer bottle. “Mind you, it is kinda freaky, just how much she’s grown. I mean she’s fifteen this October.” “Tell me about it.” Steve grumbled “We got all that stuff to come yet.” “What stuff?” Katie asked, eyeing him over her wine glass.

“You know,” he waved the hand that was clutching his beer, “boys and…whatever.” Katie snorted. “What you gonna do when she does finally bring a boy back to meet us?” She asked, swinging her bare legs up and placing her feet in his lap.

“Be waiting with a shot gun.” Steve grumbled, his spare hand dropping to her smooth skin, fingers gently tracing up and down her calf.

“That’s a dramatic shovel talk.” Katie raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh I won’t talk. Just hold it across my lap and look at him.” “You’re terrible.” Katie sniggered as his hand gently continued its ministrations on her leg.

Steve chuckled and Katie glanced out over the bay, sighing slightly It had been a great few weeks, just one person really missing.

“I wish Nat would have come.” 

“She’s worrying me,” Steve sighed. “It’s not healthy, being cooped up in that place, alone.”

“I know.”  Katie nodded. “But there’s not much we can do other than be there for her.”

Steve took a breath, laying his head back against his chair as the warm sea breeze hit them. Katie glanced over at where he was sat, his skin slightly more tanned, the freckles that sprang over his nose during the summer were now even more pronounced although they couldn’t rival hers. His hair had been cropped short again, and he’d even sprouted the thin smattering of a beard over the last two weeks, although he’d told Katie sternly he wasn’t growing it out again.

“I’m Captain America at those support groups, and he doesn’t have a beard.”

As Katie drank him in she noticed that over the years, whilst he had aged slightly, he hadn’t changed nearly as much as she had. All the studies, backed up by Banner’s research, estimated that Steve would age at a rate approximately fifteen to twenty years younger than the average person. At some points this worried her, as she knew that in fifteen years or so he would only look to be in his late thirties when they would both be realistically, going off the years spent living and not buried in ice, midway through their fifties, but that was something she’d known before she had married him.

And she supposed that as long as he didn’t care how old she looked it didn’t matter.

“Want a photo or summi’k” Steve asked, his eyes on his wife, as she was simply looking at him, clearly contemplating something. She smiled at the way his Brooklyn drawl dripped off his voice as it always did when he was relaxed. He cocked his head slightly to one side, smiling gently at her as his beer bottle rest against his leg. Deciding she wanted distracting from the ridiculous worry that had sprung up on her, she grinned and moved her feet before she stood up. Taking the bottle off him she placed it on the table and settled on his lap, her knees either side of his thighs, as he smirked up at her.

“Summik sounds good.” She muttered kissing him hard. Their tongues began their usual dance until he pulled back and looked at her, sweeping her hair off her face. Simply put, in his eyes, his wife was stunning. Her freckles which always became more pronounced in the sun spread across her nose and her cheeks, giving her an even more youthful look than normal. Her hair was now a few inches above her waist, having grown down from the shoulder length cut she had sported whilst they’d been on the run and was falling over her face in a mass of beach tangled curls, which Steve adored. Her figure, Jesus, he could look at her all day, curves across her hips, breasts…he’d been exceptionally pleased that, despite her confidence issues over her body not being what it used to be, she’d been wearing a two-piece swimsuit, even if it was one that covered her midriff. He knew better now that to try and argue that he didn’t give a damned about the fact her stomach was slightly less flat than it used to be, or her hips were wider, Steve simply let her get on with dressing how she felt comfortable and lavished affection and praise on her every chance he got, because frankly, there wasn’t a think about his wife he didn’t adore.

He questioned every, single day how he had gotten so goddamned lucky and it had been him she’d chosen to spend the rest of her life with.

“What’s wrong?” She frowned, noticing the contemplative look in his eyes.

“Nothing at all, Baby.” He shook his head, reaching down and pulling off the crochet dress she was wearing over her swim suit top and denim shorts. “Just thinking about how I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you look so beautiful.” She grinned as his fingers moved to undo the string that held her top around her neck, causing it to fall forward leading her bare from the waist up. He simply admired her for a moment as her hands wound into his hair and she gave a soft tug, causing his head to tilt upwards to look at her. “Not even when we got married?”

“Hmmm.” He contemplated, her lips hovering near his as she leant down, his hands creeping up her sides. “Maybe, but you weren’t my baby momma then.”

Katie grinned, she loved it when he called her that. Gently kissing him she pulled back and looked at him. “I’ve not changed that much have I?” She teased as she pushed down on his crotch and he groaned.

“Nope,” he muttered before kissing her hard, grinding his hips up against hers.

“Take me to bed Captain.” She murmured into his mouth, at him with suggestive eyes which peered from underneath heavy lids.

“Yes ma’am” he grinned, and in a swoop he’d picked her up and carried her inside.

**** Chapter 48 Part 2

[possibleplatypus]

I just saw this article and I'm somehow even more disappointed.

But it turns out no one warned Captain America himself that a very personal piece of his history was about to be broadcast to the world. "I laughed my ass off," Ruffalo tells EW. "I'm like, 'Does someone need to talk to Captain America about this?' I haven't. I was afraid he was going to have it cut. Too late now, buddy. The cat's out of the bag."

Like... yes? He would have it cut because it's such bullshit? The fact that Chris who genuinely cares about Steve and who played that character for ten years wouldn't approve should've been an indicator.

Reducing Steve to jokes about his virginity is such a cheap shot. Avoiding that Sam is Captain America is too. I don't even know anymore.

My friend.... this is really funny, because I also just read this article today, and I was all geared up to write a rant about it when you popped into my inbox 😂

This is one of the most asinine articles I've ever read 🤣🤣🤣 and I've read quite a few in regards to certain characters in the MCU.

First to address your point about Chris Evans-- I do feel pretty bad for him. I think he genuinely connected to and cared about Steve Rogers as a character. From the interviews in which he talks about Steve, and particularly Steve's relationship with Bucky, I can tell he really put a lot of thought into Steve's heart and frame of mind, and I think he really made MCU Steve Rogers his. Certainly any new film incarnations of Steve will be measured up against Chris' interpretation, haha.

It's just... I don't think Chris would have wanted Steve to be disrespected like this. Ruffalo himself said he thought Chris would have put a stop to it. So it's distasteful that everyone would just go ahead and make obsessing over Steve's virginity a big part of Jennifer's character while laughing at it all the while. (I can't read Chris Evans' mind-- maybe he doesn't care, though I like to think he does.) As a big fan of Steve, Disney has not failed to disappoint me time after time, and this is just the icing on the cake.

And Sam, our new Captain America! Why does the MCU seem to forget that they have a new Captain America? Is it because they're spending all their energy marketing another Captain? 🤔 You'd think he would be of more note to a Manhattan lawyer's mind since he stopped freedom fighters antifa terrorists from killing the GRC members? Hell the Hollywood Reporter forgot and Chris had to remind them. I do feel bad for Anthony Mackie. 🤦 Silver lining-- at least She Hulk isn't obsessing over Sam's virginity??

And yes, I do agree that reducing Steve to jokes about his ass and virginity are a cheap shot. And it shows how puerile and insipid the MCU has become. They have nothing of note to say and they grab for anything that they think is funny, to the point of making jokes of their most beloved characters. I know they're aiming for the widest audience imaginable, including kids, but that doesn't mean they need to write like high schoolers (though tbh I know fanficcers in high school that write better than these guys). What mature adult honestly gives a such a huge crap about whether or not a (thought to be) deceased public figure and national hero had sex?

The first paragraph had me rolling my eyes already:

Jennifer Walters is the hero we all deserve, because in the very first episode of She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, she finally gets to the bottom of one of Marvel's biggest mysteries: Did Captain America die a virgin?

And it just gets worse.

As She-Hulk continues, viewers can expect to see more hilarious, meta, and, yes, horny moments like this. "The horniness! That stuff is my favorite," Maslany says with a laugh. She loved how Jen is obsessed with Captain America's virginity because "it's the human side of him, the real side, the thing that she would [relate to]."

You're telling me that Jennifer Walters, a lawyer whose opening scene showed her practicing her closing argument for a case against powerful business interests that caused the deaths of innocent people-- that Jennifer Walters, who was standing up for the little guy-- that this strong, compassionate woman, is "obsessed" with Captain America's virginity of all things because it's the "human, real" side of him that she would relate to?? Not the side of him that stood up against bullies at great detriment to his own well-being, even before he had the serum? Not the side of him that curled over a grenade to protect his fellow soldiers? The side that went into a Nazi death camp solo to rescue his best friend (and hundreds of other POWs) when the army left them for dead? The side of him that leveled a Nazi-infested US intelligence agency? The side of him that did exactly what she was shown to be doing right at the beginning of her own show??

I think @luna-rainbow said it best-- "to reduce “the human side of Steve” (or anyone, for that matter) to whether or not they fucked…is seriously superficial, intrusive and just pathetic."

But the actress admits she had no idea this was something Marvel fans have been wondering for years, adding, "I love that that's how everybody's thinking. In that vein of that question, there's a lot more Easter eggs like that throughout the season. There's something later that's a really great moment with a cameo that I won't say what happens, but it's basically like a walk of shame that's really funny."

I shudder to imagine what horrors await us.

And if any fans are wondering how credible Bruce's intel is, the debate can be put to rest: This is officially the true story of how Captain America lost his virginity. "We didn't set out thinking that we were going to be able to answer it," Gao tells EW. "It used to just be a running joke, that it's going to be a lifelong obsession for Jen, that this is the one thing that keeps her awake at night. It actually used to be in the show a lot more, where in every episode there would be some little reminder, like you'd see that her search history was this, and she was always in asides talking to other characters where everybody's reaction was like, 'She's talking about this again.'"

You're kidding me right? Does nobody on this team see how creepy it is for a grown woman to be obsessed lifelong with a dead man's sex life? Compare it to a random male character obsessing every night over whether or not Natasha had been a virgin when she died. And for this to be the thing that keeps her awake at night? Out of all the things she's experienced??

But then Gao got the definitive answer — and permission to use it — from Marvel's mastermind. "It was actually Kevin Feige who said, 'I know the answer. I can tell you. We can do the answer,'" Gao recalls. "And I was like, 'You have the answer, and we can tell everyone?' And he was like, 'Yeah.' So this is Marvel canon. This is straight from Kevin Feige."

SO IT WAS YOU, KEVIN FEIGE!!! Honestly when I read this I almost felt relieved. If it's Feige's own fatuous headcanon, I can ignore it. Why does the status of Steve Rogers' virginity take up so much of his headspace that he feels the need to insert it into a show that has nothing to do with him? And they were going to have it in every episode? Why?! PLEASE tell me they aren't doing that anymore. I don't want anyone in the MCU to ever utter Steve's name again.