#do ppl post edits here lmao idc! i worked hard!

[gael-garcia]

The Many Faces of Gael García Bernal

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[its-love-u-asshole]

about me as a writer

I was tagged by @oiivkawa <3 Thanks so much, this was super fun!

Tagging: @emeraldwaves @ivyfics @calmgeyama @ohoholyshit @yatatsukki and?? anyone else who wants to I guess lol, I feel like most ppl I know how been tagged ^^ 

I’m putting my responses under the cut as well bc I know myself lmao, my responses can be long af ^^’’

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? bleh I have two usernames, and both stories are embarrassing LOL I’ll go with my actual ao3 name though I guess?? When I was in middle (?) school I used to watch the anime HOTD, which is like...awful first off. It’s borderline hentai, shitty fanservice, the whole thing (don’t ask me why I watched it, bc who knows, the music was A+) but my favorite character’s name was Saya, and her servants would call her ladysaya, so that’s the explanation for that ha. I put the x in front because I used to be obsessed with x men and all the marvel/dc animated series, so it felt appropriate pft. Man, even talking about this brings back so many cringe worthy memories lmao forgive me. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (Bookmarks/ Subscriptions/ Hits/ Kudos) for Haikyuu!! it’s definitely Slipping Underneath, and for K Project it’s There You Are <3 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon and why did you choose it? It’s Semi! The reasoning for this is because I have 3 fav Haikyuu!! characters: Tsukishima, Oikawa, and Semi. So I just try to distribute my love evenly tbh lol. I have a Tsukki icon on here and discord, Semi for AO3, and Oikawa is on my phone case ^^ 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters? ahhh I have several but I’m not aware if many of them have tumblr?? A lot of people who comment on every chapter of my multichapters are very special to me, I love them all! Ofc on here there’s @emeraldwaves @ivyfics @momomirasaki124 @uselessvalshit @starjem and then I have my other fav supporters @serviceace @caelestisxyz and @urikawa-miyuki  <3 

5. Is there a fanfic you keep going back to read again and again? Ah damn there are so many lmfao, I have a lot of fav fics and I don’t want to make this post super long. Please check out the rec posts I’ve done here and here ! Or also message me for specific types of fics <3 I will say though, one fic I always go back to read even though it’s been YEARS is a kyoukao fic by potionwine! 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked? I consider myself pretty picky, but I do read a LOT of fic, so I have a decent amount of both ^^ About 187 bookmarks, and 16 fic/author subscriptions! 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most? Probably college?? even though I know that’s super broad, and all kinds of different AUs can be based in college but that’s how it is lol. I think that’s because I honestly don’t like redoing AUs?? I like experimenting and making up really weird shit and original scenarios as much as possible. Though, I’m sure you can find apparent trends across all my fics ^^ 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? haha...I have 76 user subscriptions, 436 general fic subscriptions, and 792 bookmarks. I don’t even know how that’s real lmao I feel so blessed that so many people enjoy my writing <3 

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!) not really honestly, if I have an embarrassing or indulgent idea at this point, I just write it lmao idc but there are lots of types of fics I am scared to write just bc I don’t know if I could do them justice heh....

10. Is there anything you’d like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc. yes lmao updating better would be something I’d LOVE to improve on ; ; Also writing action scenes too fff fuck action scenes

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often? Uhhh I’ve dabbled in both but yeah, more often than not I stick to more popular pairs just because I need content to motivate me pftt

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day? 50! 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/ with your writing program? Like WIPs? ffff WIPs...maybe like 4 or 5 at this point, including multichapters, and wow that’s actually not a lot, usually I have a ton and I’m drowning in them loool

14. Do you write down story ideas or just keep them in your head? Both...I usually just keep things in my head, but if a fic starts giving me issues, I like to plot it out

15. Have you ever co- authored a story? Nope, but I’d really love to at some point with a friend! 

16. How did you discover AO3? Uh I honestly don’t remember loool I think one day I sorta just saw that no one was using ff anymore and I was like ‘aight’ 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3? Not really lmao, I mean...my siren au does pretty well, but otherwise my fics get kinda slept on -shrug- it is what it is 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers? lol i do not

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write? Well I’ve always loved to write so no, but @brynne-lagaao is a big reason I started writing sarumi fics back when I was in K fandom! And nowadays in the hq fandom, a lot of amazing authors really push me to keep writing ^^ 

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author? don’t be afraid to write and write whatever you want basically lmao I know it can be daunting if you think your writing skills aren’t matching up with other authors, but the best thing you can do is practice, practice, and eventually you will see results! Also read a lot, reading other ppl’s stories really helps, and above all, just have fun with it! 

21. Do you plot out your stories or do you just figure it out as you go? I try to have a basic plot (beginning, middle, end) because I used to just DIVE IN to stories and it was awful lmao I need some sort of guideline, even if it’s small

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do? yes ofc, but I honestly try not to dwell on them because they’re not worth it. I either ignore or delete in most cases

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (Action, smut, etc) action and smut are never easy for me lol

24. What story(s) are you working on now? well right now I’m working on two secret santa fics for iwaoi, as well as my two kurotsuki multichapters! I am also trying to write kacchako as a x-mas present for a friend lol

25. Do you plan your new projects before you finish your current ongoing story(s)? ha yeah, it’s a bad habit but I have no self-control

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself? I do not! I just try to write at least a little bit each day if I can, but there’s never a word minimum I try to reach ^^ 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started? oh 100% lmao comparing some of my old fics from even a year ago to my fics now is eye opening 

28. What is your favourite story that you have written? Shaking in My Skull for sarumi, it’s also the longest fic I’ve ever written and it holds a special place in my heart ; ; For kurotsuki it’s gotta be Let My Love 

29. What is your least favourite story that you have written? fuck me, Pencils and Paper LOL it was an earlier sarumi fic of mine and I just...hate it. I’m not even gonna link it LOL 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years? Still writing fanfic most likely, maybe some original stuff (I hope!)

31. What’s the easiest part about writing? lmao nothing, writing is super hard work, sometimes even just thinking up ideas can be difficult, then there’s actually writing and making the ideas come to life, and don’t get me started on editing lmaooo writers are my heroes 

32. What is the hardest part about writing? Finding the motivation, at least for me. I struggle sometimes with it because I’ll have the time and inspiration but depression just kicks my ass every time fff

33. Why do you write? For me it’s super therapeutic, I love the satisfaction of putting hard work into an idea you love and finishing it, and the high that comes with that. Plus sharing the story with others and getting positive feedback is a feeling that can’t be beat. I’ve always loved writing, I love how the possibilities are endless, and I hope I never stop <3 

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.