#do these characters reflect on me? hard to say because i am ultimately a coward

[isaacathom]

on naielle odelia, florian de kasimir, and the idea of sacrifice

naielle is a celestial warlock. she's a backliner, a combination support and damage.

florian is a man at arms, a soldier, armed with sword and shield. a front liner, a tank, a consistent damage dealer.

being in the front lines means risk is always present. and florian considers it his duty, his obligation, to remain. he considers the idea of fleeing first to be a violation of his job.

he is deeply afraid. he always is. but he has to be the first and final line of defence.

when he was killed, time froze, and he saw the state of his friends, battered and near death. he saw the monster that stood before them.

he had once taken great umbrage with a man who had made an ill-thought out deal with the devil.

and when push came to shove, and the devil held out his hand, florian took it. because if he didnt, his friends would die. it wouldve been a waste.

naielle's devil hangs over her head, a sword of damocles. you are a healer, aren't you? the front line will fall without you. you must run in, and you must help them.

her devil is not her patron. her devil is herself.

florian is constantly aware of the danger he is in, and considers himself illsuited to all of it, and simultaneously suited to nothing else. all he can be is a sharp object pointed at a villain. when mauled near death, watching the party's witcher fall, he ordered the retreat, and unable to stand still tried to protect the party doctor's spirit.

naielle forgets her own risk. she sees the threat posed to someone else, the blood that issues forth, and she sees the solution held in her hands. she would be a failure not to administer it. withholding the cure from the dying would go against everything she tries to believe and hold herself to. she does not balance it with the idea that her premature death might leave things worse. its the now, now, now.

she'll defend the man defending her, even if he says she shouldnt.

when the mission came down to it, and the devil's plans laid bare, florian considered it his moral duty to lay down his life. he could not stomach to kill the woman who had brought him here, to betray her so utterly. but for the party priest, he paused. because to give up himself, to act as Emelia's final defence, he would doom the priest. The two would either die at the traitors hands, or by a devil collecting on unkept promises.

he couldnt sacrifice himself to doom another, to doom a man in service to a woman he hadn't met and owed no alleigance too. florian could not demand that of him, and thus could not give of it himself, much as he wanted to.

he was forced to live, and to see her die, and to know he'd failed.

naielle hasn't reached that crux yet. the mountains peak lies high above, and many descending tracks offer solutions from this vantage, though they may lead simply to deep ravines.

for her to give herself to her patron, to play the numbers game, she would save many. she would damn herself, damn her sister, damn her twin brother, her wife, her mother, her father. all the people she's met and known, ill and well, would be hurt. depending on the relationship, on the timing, she might even kill them.

but naielle would play the numbers game. its an easy game at that scale - a world, or an elf? she'd like both. but maybe her goal, to do good, necessitates giving up the opportunity to see that good done, and only to know it was.

after his betrayal, he heads north. he has loose ends to attend to. peoples lives to try and fix. a war to join. he expected to die in that war, as he expected to die in that manor, as he did in that forest, as he thought the griffin might, like the previous war had thought to.

he doesnt die. the war spits him out, like it had before.

and he stands on a rural farm, holding out tools for the farmer reparing the fence, and he wonders:

why did he always try to throw it away?

[sunflowerdigs]

Soldier Boy Spec/Meta based on Homelander

Assuming SB is mostly going to be interacting with Homelander and used for his character development, maybe a good way to speculate about what SB is going to be like is to consider where Homelander's character arc is going and what it needs to get there.

For the past two seasons, Homelander has been paired with women. It's like we're sort of seeing him grow up in a sense? Madeline was a mother figure. Stormfront was pseudo parental as well, but they also shared almost a teenage rebellion/immature first relationship? It's notable that neither of them removed all clothing in any of the sex scenes, making them oddly chaste despite their explosiveness. They were kind of like...fumbling angry teenagers.

Anyway, I suspect s3 may be more a reflection of S1 and that Soldier Boy may fill another parental role for Homelander in a way similar to Madeleine. Especially since SB is basically the Homelander prototype. Do we know who Homelander's bio dad was? There's a part of me that's wondering whether this could be why rumors about the Homelander/SB sex scene have been so stridently denied even before script writing started - it would be literal incest, so they know it won't happen or will it for that reason, lol?. After all, if you're going to try to build a new generation of supes, wouldn't you start with genetic material from the first generation?

Even if he's not his bio dad, I suspect that SB will at least fill that role for Homelander. Kripke loves his horrible, abusive, narcissistic, nearly-sociopathic dads. Homelander has just had his dreams of fatherhood smashed (for now) after making his first fumbling attempts to really try to reach Ryan. Now would be a good time to bounce a father figure off of him.

Plus, John Wayne to me is kind of the ultimate toxicly masculine dad figure. The kind who dies at like 45 of alcoholism or lung cancer from smoking and drinking all the time because he has no idea how to deal with his emotions if he's not doing something destructive. The super rugged masculine one whose approval every son desperately wants and never gets because dad is incapable of being vulnerable enough to love anything.

Maybe Homelander will want SB's approval desperately on some level, but that will collide with his other burning desire to fight authority and rules as hard as he can due to the events in s2. They're in competition from the start obviously - there can only be one stud duck in the pond (nice oedipal complex continuing to develop). But if SB is more powerful than Homelander, Homelander's own biases mean he has to try to respect and learn from him at first (because that's what he feels like anyone less powerful than he is should do to him). Like, I expect Homelander's reaction to SB to be both "who the fuck does this asshole think he is?" and "I should be respecting that he's even colder than I am but for some reason I'm not". Also, "I need to be a team player and work with him because I'm a wee bit scared about my position at Vaught rn" and also "DADDY PLEASE LOVE ME".

Also, if SB is going to be a foil to Homelander that Homelander eventually beats, I suspect SB will be like Homelander in every way except SB will be, at his core, a complete and total coward. Homelander, for all that he's complete garbage on the surface, is incredibly brave at his core. His first interaction with Madeleine, maybe one of the most formative scenes for his whole character, told us that. "Say what you mean"; Homelander doesn't instinctively hide from hard truths, he works through them. I think SB will be the opposite and that will be the reason for his tough-as-nails front.

He might also be gay and terrified of it. That's another grand Hollywood leading man tradition. JS.

[its-a-branwen-thing]

On Fear

I want to talk about fear and Ironwood here (yes, I know, don’t we all) as well as Oscar (he was a highlight for me this season) because I think these two carried a lot of the Volume’s scenes in their dynamic. They were just...so well written and their conflict was so wonderfully dynamic. 

It’s long so, under the cut

Ozpin’s speech at the end, regarding fear, really struck me as something directly relating to Ironwood’s character’s actions, specifically two of those fears:

Fear of Loss

“You can’t just go dark in the field like that!”

“It is so good to see you all.”

“Get a communication tower up in the sky, higher than the Grimm can survive...so we never lose contact with each other again.”

Ironwood seems to reflect on this sentiment...a lot. He cares about his team. He hugs Qrow and tells him it’s good to see him again. He’s relieved to see the students again, he grants them their licenses to help with the coming conflict. He trusts them to make the choices...he ultimately will make for them. But it seems so prevalent throughout this and even the last volumes that Ironwood functions at his worst when alone. He was called paranoid, and his control is fairly absolute. Sure he gathered a team, but they did not offer him guidance they offered him loyalty, blind obedience, and trust. The latter is important in that it’s what Clover says before his death. That he trusts James with his life. (more on that...in a separate post)

But he seems fearful of being left alone. Of being in the dark without the guidance of others. He was desperate to call Ozpin back, to consult with him, and Oscar served, to him, as a poor substitute. Ironwood says he had to make his own plan in Ozpin’s absence and he did--and it was an arguably good plan (without the stress on Mantle part). But the crux of it is that he wants to make sure they wouldn’t lose contact again, none of them. Because being alone is one of Ironwood’s greatest fears.

Fear of Failure

“Some things matter more, I think. Keeping our humanity...it’s what makes us different from her.”

“Sometimes I worry that’s her greatest advantage. Without humanity does she still feel fear? Does she ever hesitate? When Salem hit Beacon, even with all my ships, all my soldiers, I was no match for her. I’ve never felt so helpless. The way she...told me she was there.”

This is key to Ironwood’s turn. I loved that it was planted in the season relatively early. I love that Cinder placed the chess piece in his office as a reminder. And I love that we saw that foreshadowing without really knowing what it meant outside of showing us his realized fears. Of Salem winning. Of his failure to stop her. And in the end, he was proven to be correct in that fear. And it was what ultimately lead to him turning his back on the unity of his allies and trusting only in his own judgement. Because Ozpin is gone. He is surrounded by yes-men and fledgling huntresses and huntsmen outside of Qrow, who he has a rocky relationship with at best when it comes to judgement calls, even if, and I’ll reiterate this again, Qrow always seems to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“We have to stop Salem. Nothing matters more.”

“The path you’re heading down where you’re the only one with the answers, where you do the thing you think is right no matter the cost, it’s not going to take you anywhere good.”

-----

Now I want to move into the finale because, once again, these two stole the show outside of Penny and Winter and the maiden powers.

“It was smart of you, not to bring the lamp down here. I wouldn’t trust me either right now.”

This exchange occurs after what is, by all accounts, Ironwood’s fall. It’s after he thinks Winter is behind him only to realize it’s Oscar (looking suspiciously like a certain Headmaster). Ironwood knows he looks bad. Ironwood knows he’s now the enemy of our protagonists. But he’s made it clear time and time again that he doesn’t care what people think of him. What matters, always, is that he does what he thinks is the right thing to defeat Salem. It’s the climax of this volume. It rips Qrow and Clover apart. It rips RWBY and the Ace Ops apart. They have different views of what the right thing is. But what Oscar says during his first exchange in the Vault with Ironwood really cements the idea of loyalty, which is unconditional for Ironwood, and trust, which is unconditional for Oscar (and now, hopefully, Ozpin).

“I am not going to end up like Lionheart. Do you believe in me?”

“I do believe in you. But not only you. I think the best thing you could do is sit down and talk to the people you’re most afraid to.”

And Ironwood does talk to the people he’s most afraid to. He sits down with Robyn, he sits down with RWBY, and he eventually reveals Salem to the people of Atlas and Mantle. It’s a brilliant misdirect because even though he does work with others in his plan, it’s on his own terms. We think we win it after E10, but in E11 the truth is revealed once more. Ironwood has to do the right thing now. And he’s made it clear it doesn’t matter the cost. Because he doesn’t trust in the judgement or opinions of his team. He trusts only in his own not because he’s villainous, but because he is bearing the weight of decisions he thinks only he can bear. (It’s called Atlas for a reason, I’m sure)

Lionheart was a coward. But so is Ironwood, if not in the way he imagines himself to be. He is stalwart against Salem. And when she is in his office, he refuses to yield, even though he is clearly terrified. He stands by his rejection of her offer. Ironwood is such an amazingly complicated anti-villain because he’s expressly that: a good man pushed to the brink and making heinous choices likely because he doesn’t want others to have to make them. We don’t necessarily see him as a full-on villain until he pulls the trigger on Oscar. And even than, I can’t be the only one who felt bad knowing Salem was bearing down on both cities, Winter lost the maiden powers, and therefor their access to the relic, his army is spread too thin and is weary from the Grimm swarm, his top Ace Op is dead, and the rest of them are out of commission just like Winter. This is a terrible loss for Ironwood. And he’s lost the support of half of his friends. RWBY, JNR, Penny, Oscar and Ozpin, and even Pietro even if it was his fault. He has the Ace Ops, he has Winter, but the moment they open their mouths to resist an order or offer an alternative he won’t hear it. And the man who wanted so desperately to have communications spread across the kingdoms, who wanted to work with teams of trusted allies, who worried over the safety of friends--is now left alone having failed at trying to stop Salem. Because he bore the weight of it all himself instead of trusting others to bear it with him.

----

“Trust is what I’m hoping to fix. I know we can still figure this out. All of it, together. Please.”

“Do you intend to fight me?”

“No, that’s exactly what she wants. I guess it’s because of Oz but..holding it helps calm me down when I’m afraid.”

“You still think I’m afraid...”

“We all are. It’s what do in our fear that reve--”

“That’s easy for you to say! You can label me whatever you’d like but the fact of the matter is I was right. The minute I softened, let my guard down, that’s when Salem had her opening.”

“If you abandon Mantle you abandon our best chance of reuniting the world, you abandon Remnant, leaving millions to fend for themselves so a few can survive, what kind of--”

“All excellent philosophical points that won’t matter if Salem wins.”

The reason this quote slaps is because it’s what some of the audience is probably thinking. He’s right. Why does it matter if they’re all dead? But Oscar, RWBYJNR and Penny, and even Qrow, all seem to embody the idea that there are things that are more important that the “big picture” because without those smaller, simpler acts of human bravery, what are they even fighting for?

“Listen to me--”

“No, you listen. I am done letting others’ inability to see the big picture get in the way of doing what’s right.”

And that, friends, is what I call thematic justice. Ironwood cements his position opposed to our heroes by an act of betrayal so foreshadowed it might as well have been predicted by the opening (haha...ha). And how can we reconcile that act as an audience? It’s difficult, and I say this because I sympathize with Ironwood while also still maintaining my stance that RWBY’s being painted as correct is absolutely the correct take because Ironwood’s betrayal is what Salem wants. And he’s too blinded by fear to see beyond his own judgement, to trust in the judgment of others because he has been lied to and he has been manipulated. That’s what, I think, makes him so compelling and hard to let go of as a hero. Because he’s so familiar. To us. Because he’s thinking he’s strong enough to make the right decision while neglecting to be in conversation with anyone else. Remember, he brought his army to Vale too.

What’s so conflicting about Ironwood is that this isn’t a malicious, evil dictator bent on ruling. Clover trusted him until the end. And it seems Winter does too. I doubt those are just pawns paying him lip service. Ironwood is a fearful man shouldering the responsibility of decision-making. This is a desperate hero we’ve followed who has fallen because all this time he’s shown to be a good man, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. After shooting Oscar, a child, I think it’s safe to say he’s officially become an antagonist because that act wasn’t just a stone-cold rejection of Ozpin’s ideals. It was attempted murder.

Ironwood does make the hard decisions. But he does it alone. And that doesn’t always make those decisions right.

Bruh, V8 is gonna hurt, isn’t it?

[thousandeyesand-one]

S08E01

Ok so here's where D&D suck. They try to create an "open to interpretation" kind of scenario with most female characters, arya is definitely there but nobody is given a hard time over it more than Daenerys. They never explain or make her explain the why's & how's, because they want daenerys to be the "bad ass dragon queen whose impulse has given the show it's many epic cinematic moments"

GRRM does something quite similar too. He writes characters as faulted as human beings are supposed to be, he likes to conflict a reader's mind in the most tiring way possible. He said afterall he believes Faulkner's words "The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself".

He makes his character do an action/say some words that more or likely they HAD to. But then he introduces the consequences of the said action/words while at the same time he gives a reason & understanding of why such a hard decision was made/tough words were used. GRRM creates conflict in such a way that it is upto YOU. The Reader, to decide for themselves what they make of the situation. Which ultimately means it's only one's assumption to choose to believe the character was wrong because you choose to ignore the reason behind their action/words. While the one's who support the character chooses to accept the character not only with the reason behind the action/words but also with the consequences of it.

Your "hate" towards daenerys is just YOUR assumption, your villainization of daenerys is just YOUR assumption, your degradation of daenerys's efforts & experiences is just YOUR assumption. Not the actual story definitely not the author's intent.

The scene where daenerys takes the unsullied is the most bad-ass, jaw dropping & inspiring scene centered on a female character ever. When it dropped I remember GA being taken by how "bad-ass" she is. But now I see haters using Astaphor as a "brutality" condoned by daenerys. All because the show never cared to reflect upon a deeper more sympathetic thought process behind doing what she did. While tge book reading haters like I said above choose to ignore her reason & only care about the consequences.

Tv Show: "we never really get this sense .. of her capacity for cruelty. They are surrounded by people who are terrible people but haven't done anything to her personally. It's interesting to me how the sphere of her empathy widens the sphere of her cruelty widens as well."

-Dan Weiss ( X )

Books:

"I was alone for a long time, Jorah. All alone but for my brother. I was such a small scared thing. Viserys should have protected me, but instead he hurt me and scared me worse. He shouldn't have done that. He wasn't just my brother, he was my king. Why do the gods make kings and queens, if not to protect the ones who can't protect themselves?"

"Some kings make themselves. Robert did."

"He was no true king," Dany said scornfully. "He did no justice. Justice . . . that's what kings are for."

– Daenerys III ASOS

The show never showed this side of daenerys's story GRRM is literally giving a reason behind what she is doing at Astaphor while in the future books you get the consequences of those actions, THAT'S HOW YOU CREATE AN INTERNAL CONFLICT IN A READER (&/or) VIEWER.

What D&D do with dany all the time is leave her reasons behind & only show her actions & the consequences. Which over time lead everyone to believe she is descending into some form of madness, that she is an entitled power hungry monarch & that she is actually being a villain! Ignoring the fact that D&D draw inspiration for the show from a book series whose author treats all of his characters in a conflicting manner. 

Something like that happened in s08e01. Am not talking about the s@nsa vs daenerys situation. I think it's a call back to Alaric Stark & Queen Alysanne Targaryen's relations. Alaric Stark was known to be cold & hard towards Queen Alysanne at first but eventually softened towards her in time being as he got to know her more. S@nsa stans don't need a reason to hate on daenerys so this storyline was like a gift to them to continue that petty hate.

No matter what their relationship prospers into I have to say s@nsa was being unnecessarily rude towards daenerys. Alaric Stark actually had a reason to be cold towards the Targaryens, his brother died defending the wall against a mutiny caused by some prisoners King Jaehaerys had sent to the wall. But there is nothing that daenerys did to harm the Starks?! S@nsa herself has no reason to hold a grudge towards daenerys or the Targaryens. The northern lords are being a bunch of ignorant fucks still dwelling on the politics of the past that which a "smart" person would overlook given the state of emergency they are in. Instead s@nsa is using that ignorance to incite more segregation in Winterfell. Knowing well that the wall was breached she is treating the dragons as a burden when girl! they are your best defence against the undead one that Night King controls. S@nsa might be smart but right now she is not acting smart!

Regarding the matter of food, I don't think s@nsa understands the level of danger that the oncoming army of the dead possesses against the living. Alaric Stark was judgemental of Queen Alysanne & the party that travelled with her because she wasn't necessarily there to defend Winterfell against anything, she was there on one of the many royal progression's that the king & queen did all over the kingdoms. But daenerys isn't here on some progress she is here to stand her armies beside the North men & Knights of the Vale in the fight. It is S@nsa's duty as the Lady of Winterfell to arrange for the food & other commodities for perhaps the greatest alliance northerners have.

I don't much tread into the doylism aspect of things but the way s@nsa said that she didn't account for the dothraki & the unsullied did she mean she was expecting Jon to die in the south? Because there was only two ways Jon's southern trip would go he might return with allies hence more mouths to feed or he might die. That sure don't sound all that smart of a deduction though!

When daenerys said "whatever they want" she defended her children reminds me of how everyone used to tell the direwolves don't belong inside the castle walls but out in the wild but the stark kids defended them anyways. Daenerys did the same thing too she defended her magical wild beasts who, just like the direwolves are dangerous & different.

Daenerys expecting respect from sansa isn't entitlement, Jon is S@nsa's king & daenerys is Jon's Queen. By that it is a certain decency to give daenerys that respect. In inside the episode video David nutter & Sophie say that s@nsa wants daenerys to know that this is HER home??! I mean daenerys doesn't want her home she wants your respect, she has a home it's called Dragonstone!

“No man has ever died from bending his knee,” her father had once told her.

“He who kneels may rise again, blade in hand. He who will not kneel stays dead, stiff legs and all.”

-the Kings Prize ADWD

I just can't wait until s@nsa softens upto daenerys like Alaric did towards Alysanne. So people can actually focus on other more important things in the storyline.

Then about the reaction Sam had when he learnt about his father & brother's death.. THAT WAS ABSURD. He clearly wasn't that sad when he learned of randyll's death but his brother's death affected him most. Which reminds me of a quote..

He wondered whether Dickon would shed a tear for his brother who died in the snow, somewhere off beyond the edge of the world. Why should he? A coward’s not worth weeping over.

-Samwell I, ASOS.

Do it now. Stop crying and fight, you baby. Fight, craven. It was his father he heard, it was Alliser Thorne, it was his brother Dickon and the boy Rast.

Craven, craven, craven. He giggled hysterically, wondering if they would make a wight of him, a huge fat white wight always tripping over its own dead feet.

Do it, Sam. Was that Jon, now? Jon was dead. You can do it, you can, just do it.

-Samwell I, ASOS.

Sam remembers his brother in the books with the likes of Ser Alliser Thorne & Rast. It is understandable that his heart might be broken to listen of his brothers death but to do what he did especially to the last remaining family of his mentor, Maester Aemon  Who treated him 1000x times better than both his father & brother.. Maester Aemon felt so passionately about Daenerys & he only trusted that information to Sam.

"No one ever looked for a girl," he said. "It was a prince that was promised, not a princess. Rhaegar, I thought... What fools we were, who thought ourselves so wise! The error crept in from the translation. Dragons are neither male nor female, Barth saw the truth of that, but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame. The language misled us all for a thousand years. Daenerys is the one, born amidst salt and smoke. The dragons prove it." Just talking of her seemed to make him stronger. "I must go to her. I must."

-Maester Aemon, Samwell IV, AFFC.

Daenerys is our hope. Tell them that, at the citadel. Make them listen. They must send her a Maester. Daenerys must be counseled, taught, protected."

-Maester Aemon, Samwell IV, AFFC.

Alleras stepped up next to sam. "Aemon would've gone to her if he had the strength. He wanted us to send a Maester to her, to counsel her & protect her & fetch her safely home." "Did he?" Archmaester marwyn shrugged. "Perhaps it's good that he died before he got to oldtown. Elsewise the grey sheep might have had to kill him, and that would have made the poor old dears wring with wrinkled hands." "Kill him?" Sam said, shocked. "Why?" "If I tell you they may kill you too" marwyn smiled a ghastly smile the juice of the sourleaf running red between his teeth.

-Samwell V, AFFC.

It is so awful that Sam has infact put the last two family members of Maester Aemon's blood against each other. He is treating Daenerys the way he treated Alliser Thorne when Sam realised if Ser Alliser becomes the Lord Commander his life would be hell so he literally uses Jon & raises him to be a Lord Commander in the hind sight to protect himself. When Jon actually (in the books) decides to fight for Winterfell & take stannis's offer.

Instead, he blamed Jon Snow and wondered when Jon’s heart had turned to stone. Once he asked Maester Aemon that very question, when Gilly was down at the canal fetching water for them. “When you raised him up to be the lord commander,” the old man answered.

-Maester Aemon, Samwell III, AFFC

“Dragons,” Aemon whispered. “The grief and glory of my House, they were.”

- Maester Aemon, Samwell III, AFFC

Not only was Sam's reaction a little over the top but it was wrong how he channeled it upon Jon as well. He ruined the most important revelation of Jon's life because of, again, himself. Jon also didn't seem to care about the fact that daenerys is related to her (lmao) but was more taken aback by Sam suggesting him treason against daenerys.

I do not want to play the oathbreaker, even for good reason.

- Jon VIII, ACOK.

Jon Snow flexed the fingers of his sword hand, remembering all he’d lost. Sam, you sweet fat fool, you played me a cruel jape when you made me lord commander. A lord commander has no friends.

-Jon X, ADWD.

"I had a frightening dream last night, m'lord," Dolorous Edd confessed. "You were my steward, fetching my food & cleaning up my leaving. I was Lord Commander, with never a moment's peace." Jon did not smile. "Your nightmare, my life."

-Jon VI, ADWD.

Daenerys: "We all enjoy what we're good at" Jon: "I don't!"

-GOT, s07e03.

Jon doesn't want to have power for the sake of power. Over & over again in the books & in the show he made it clear he did what he did to fight the Army of the Dead not for a crown.

Jon: "Do you think we can beat the Army of the Dead without her? I fought them sansa twice, you want to worry about who holds what title I am telling you it doesn't matter. Without her we don't stand a chance.. Do you have any Faith in me at all?

Sansa: you know I do.

Jon: she'll be a good queen, for all of us. She's not her father. 

Sansa: no, she's much prettier .... Did you bend the knee to save the North or because you love her?

-GOT s08e01

There are two reasons why anyone would bend the knee.

•Out of fear, fear of cruelty, collapse or death.

•Out of love & respect & trust.

Jon bent the knee to daenerys for the latter, that scene with sansa & Jon was cut off annoyingly leaving the argument hanging but there was more than just love, yes Love is there My god if this isn't what every jonerys stan had been screaming since s07 ended. But there was more than love, there was respect for letting him mine the dragonglass regardless of no existing alliance, there is also trust when daenerys actually not only let him go beyond the wall but also flew all the way there, solidifying the trust he placed in her to come to his aid without an alliance in place. 

Jon glanced over his shoulder. The shadow was there, just as she had said, etched in moonlight against the wall. A girl in grey on a dying horse, he thought. Coming here, to you. Arya. He turned back to the Red priestess. Jon could feel her warmth. She has power. The thought came unbidden, seizing him with iron teeth, but this was not a woman he cared to be indebted to, not even for his little sister.

-Jon IV, ADWD.

But instead he chose to be indebted to daenerys by asking for her help without giving her anything in return. Because he trusts her to be a good, reliable Queen & she won his trust.

Sam: "Don't you know?

Jon: know what?

Sam: Daenerys, she executed my father & brother. They were her prisoners.

Jon: ......

Sam: she didn't tell you

Jon: I'm so sorry. We need to end this war.

Sam: would you have done it?

Jon: I have executed men who disobeyed me.

Sam: you've also spared men thousands of Wildlings when they refused to kneel.

Jon: I wasn't a king.

Sam: but you were you've always been. Jon: I gave her my crown Sam. I've bent the knee am not King in the North anymore.

Sam: Am not talking about the king in the north am talking about the king of the bloody seven kingdoms.

.......

your mother was Lyanna Stark your father, your real father was Rhaegar Targaryen. You've never been a Bastard you are Aegon Targaryen true heir to the iron throne.

.............

You're the true king, Aegon Targaryen, sixth of his name, protector of the realm, all of it.

Jon: Daenerys is our Queen.

Sam: she shouldn't be.

Jon: it's treason.

Sam: it's the truth. You gave up your crown to save your people would she do the same?

She literally did the very thing in s07e06 when she left dragonstone with Drogon, Rhaegal & Viserion to rescue Jon.

Tyrion: "You cant win the throne if you're dead. You cant break the wheel if you're dead."

Daenerys: "So what would you have me do?"

Tyrion: Nothing. Sometimes nothing is the hardest thing to do. If you die we're all lost everyone, everything!"

Daenerys: "You told me to do nothing once before & i lostened to you ... am not doing nothing again."

There are moments in the story both in books & show where we do undeniably see daenerys put the people or her children ahead of her crown.

That morning she summoned her captains and commanders to the garden, rather than descending to the audience chamber. "Aegon the Conqueror brought fire and blood to Westeros, but afterward he gave them peace, prosperity, and justice. But all I have brought to Slaver's Bay is death and ruin. I have been more khal than queen, smashing and plundering, then moving on."

"You have brought freedom as well," Missandei pointed out.

"Freedom to starve?" asked Dany sharply. "Freedom to die? Am I a dragon, or a harpy?" Am I mad? Do I have the taint?

"A dragon," Ser Barristan said with certainty. "Meereen is not Westeros, Your Grace."

"But how can I rule seven kingdoms if I cannot rule a single city?" He had no answer to that. Dany turned away from them, to gaze out over the city once again. "My children need time to heal and learn. My dragons need time to grow and test their wings. And I need the same. I will not let this city go the way of Astapor. I will not let the harpy of Yunkai chain up those I've freed all over again." She turned back to look at their faces. "I will not march."

"What will you do then, Khaleesi?" asked Rakharo.

"Stay," she said. "Rule. And be a queen."

– Daenerys VI, ASOS.

Not that she must or she needs to give up her crown for Jon or anyone so Sam can be convinced with her being a good queen. Fuck that! Sam is being impulsive here (something that daenerys is blamed of, turns out everyone does it) she has on multiple occasions put her people first. Sam hopefully learns it in time because his knows I don't want him to be the A-hole he acted like..

If she had been some ordinary woman, she would gladly have spent her whole life touching Daario, tracing his scars and making him tell her how he’d come by every one. I would give up my crown if he asked it of me, Dany thought … but he had not asked it, and never would. Daario might whisper words of love when the two of them were as one, but she knew it was the dragon queen he loved. If I gave up my crown, he would not want me. Besides, kings who lost their crowns oft lost their heads as well, and she could see no reason why it would be any different for a queen.

-Daenerys VII, ADWD.

A queen belongs not to herself but to her people.

– Daenerys V, ADWD.

The red priests believed in two gods, she had heard, but two who were eternally at war. Dany liked that even less. She would not want to be eternally at war.

- Daenerys V, ASOS.

"We will have it all back someday, sweet sister," he would promise her. Sometimes his hands shook when he talked about it. "The jewels and the silks, Dragonstone and King's Landing, the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms, all they have taken from us, we will have it back." Viserys lived for that day. All that Daenerys wanted back was the big house with the red door, the lemon tree outside her window, the childhood she had never known.

- Daenerys I, AGOT.

She did take a dozen flasks of scented oils, the perfumes of her childhood; she had only to close her eyes and sniff them and she could see the big house with the red door once more.

- Daenerys VI, AGOT.

"He died for me." Dany clutched her lion pelt to her chest. Underneath, a sheer white linen tunic covered her to midthigh. She had been dreaming of a house with a red door when Missandei woke her. There had been no time to dress.

- Daenerys I, ADWD.

"Is it Daario? What's happened?" In her dream they had been man and wife, simple folk who lived a simple life in a tall stone house with a red door. In her dream he had been kissing her all over—her mouth, her neck, her breasts.

-Daenerys II, ADWD.

Dany had never known a home. In Braavos, there had been a house with a red door, but that was all.

-Daenerys III, ADWD.

Soon Dany was as clean as she was ever going to be. She pushed herself to her feet, splashing softly. Water ran down her legs and beaded on her breasts. The sun was climbing up the sky, and her people would soon be gathering. She would rather have drifted in the fragrant pool all day, eating iced fruit off silver trays and dreaming of a house with a red door, but a queen belongs to her people, not to herself.

- Daenerys IX, ADWD.

Isn't it amazing how the very episode in which Sam raises the question "will she give up her crown?" is the very episode where daenerys said this 

She obviously didn't feel at home neither at Dragonstone nor at Winterfell. This romantic moment is the closest to a house with the red door this show has ever done.

Also notice how throughout the episode whenever Jon is speaking to others he refers to daenerys as Queen. But when he is alone with her by that waterfall he refers to her as "a southern girl". Jon loves the girl daenerys not "the floppy ears" of the dragon queen that she wears..

If she had been some ordinary woman, she would gladly have spent her whole life touching Daario, tracing his scars and making him tell her how he’d come by every one. I would give up my crown if he asked it of me, Dany thought … but he had not asked it, and never would. Daario might whisper words of love when the two of them were as one, but she knew it was the dragon queen he loved. If I gave up my crown, he would not want me. Besides, kings who lost their crowns oft lost their heads as well, and she could see no reason why it would be any different for a queen.

-Daenerys VII, ADWD.

"So we pray. I want to plant my olive trees and see them fruit." Does it matter that Hizdahr's kisses do not please me? Peace will please me. Am I a queen or just a woman?

- Daenerys VII, ADWD.

So the point is neither does it make sense for Jon to turn against daenerys all of a sudden for something like a title that he himself just said doesn't matter to him. Given that the third episode is where the battle for dawn is supposed to take place. Iron throne is not on Jon's mind. Plus I don't think Daenerys will be anything but shocked, confused yet happy to find a family member, none other than the son of her elder brother whom she idolizes, she is in love with Jon as he is with her!

A crown should not sit easy on the head. One of her royal forebears had said that, once. Some Aegon, but which one? Five Aegons had ruled the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. There would have been a sixth, but the Usurper’s dogs had murdered her brother’s son when he was still a babe at the breast. If he had lived, I might have married him.

-Daenerys I, ADWD.

Ser Davos is already planning a better solution to all this. A just woman & an honorable man to probably get married!

Now I need Sam to somehow learn more & more about who daenerys actually is.

[takerfoxx]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 3 FINALE, First Impressions.

=slowly sits down with my head in my hands=

=heavy sigh=

All right.

Let’s do this.

When we last left Adora, she had been instructed to “go back to the beginning” without really knowing what that means. But first she took a detour (with Madam Razz’s blessing) to go get Glimmer and Bow first. And when she arrived.

Oh. Oh no...

At first I thought reality had molded itself exclusively into what Catra wants. But now we see that it was doing it everything, creating a superficially perfect world. And in Glimmer’s perfect world, she has a wonderful relationship with her mother, Bow is still around but working as an apprentice historian (which, uh, raises...questions), and...

...um...

...and her father is still alive.

We finally meet King Micah, and he is every bit the loving and supportive father and husband he’s been made out to be. I was already steeling myself to be emotionally ravaged by this episode, but that got me. And it goes back to what I’ve said a hundred times before: execution is everything. I’ve seen this trope so many times, where a main character wakes in an alternate reality that’s happier than the one they’ve known, usually complete with a happy relationship with an absent parent. And normally it doesn’t do anything for me, but because this show had worked so hard to make me care about these characters, seeing King Micah there with his wife and daughter...it got to me. And it’s interesting to note that the “perfect” reality is constantly remodeling itself. When Adora was in the Fright Zone, the invasion was well underway with her having led the attack on Thaymor that we saw in the pilot and they were all gearing up to go after Mermista. But since the Fright Zone had been consumed by the collapse, the invasion had never even happened, and those in Brightmoon didn’t even know what the Horde was.

Unfortunately the collapse is still underway, and it comes to Brightmoon. Fortunately Glimmer and Bow come to believe Adora and they make their way to go see Entrapta for advice, but not before Glimmer’s home is destroyed, and not before Angella remembers who she is and has to say goodbye to Micah for the second time. What makes it worse is the heavy implication that this Micah isn’t some illusion conjured up to make her and Glimmer happy, but might be the actual Micah, returned from the dead. He seems to actually remember everything for himself and realize what’s going on...mere seconds before he’s consumed. 

Fuck.

Anyway, reality starts really breaking down then, and the BFS start getting shuffled around from place to place at lightning speed, all the while watching people they care about disappear. Fortunately, Entrapta lasts long enough to let them know that not only is reality collapsing around them, but it’s following Adora specifically since it was her sword that opened the portal. That’s why different places don’t seem to fall apart until she goes there. Entrapta also let’s them know how to bring things back to normal: they need to find Adora’s sword. Unfortunately, doing to will force whoever removes the sword from the portal to stay behind. When I heard that, I knew.

And well, they set off to do just that, but by then things have already gone too far. Reality is now truly fucked, cycling them through space and time. We see the old Etheria before it was removed from the universe. We finally meet Mara, hundreds of years in the past.

And we watch Bow and Glimmer disappear as well.

Yeah, I knew they were coming back, but by then I was so wrapped up in what was going on that it utterly destroyed me.

But Adora isn’t allowed time to grieve, because the long-awaited confrontation has finally come. Catra has found her, and she is so obsessed in denying Adora any sort of victory that she’ll gladly let time and space collapse in on itself and kill them all if it means that Adora loses.

Their battle through various various places we’ve visited throughout the show is in many ways a follow-up to The Promise, which was probably my favorite episode in the first season. They used to be so close, but now things have gone too far, and their relationship is all but unsalvageable. 

It’s then that Adora finally realizes that she can’t save her former best friend. Catra’s just too far gone. And as much as I love Catra and really do want her to find some measure of peace, Adora snapping back that no, she’s not the one to blame for how Catra turned out and punching her with an emphatic, “You made your choice! Now live with it!” was incredibly satisfying. Because she’s right. No, what happened to Catra wasn’t her fault, but ultimately she has to start taking responsibility for her own actions and stop blaming everyone else.

Well, Shadow Weaver could still stand to shoulder a good chunk of that blame...

And then we get to that scene. 

Well, you’re not wrong. And in the wise words of one of my childhood heroes...

I mean, I called it, didn’t I? I knew that the big tragic event was coming, and while I only figured out that it would be Angella, I still figured it out. But even though I saw it coming, even though I had time to brace myself, it still...

...

Fuck it.

Look, I have a very...complicated relationship with my parents. My dad is pretty mentally ill. At the very least he’s bipolar, and probably has several other things wrong with him too, causing him to be subject to sudden and extreme mood swings and paranoid thoughts. On top of it, he badly hurt his back when I was a kid which has left him in constant pain to this day, and what little details I’ve heard of his own childhood has painted him as being a damaged abuse survivor (sounds like someone else I know). As for my mom, well, she’s kind of like me, only a little less so. She’s a bit on the spectrum herself, and I’m pretty sure that even if she’s not outright aromantic, then she’s pretty damned close, and she has her own shit from her own past to work through. As such, he went into marriage looking for love, companionship, and support, while she was just getting married because she felt it was the thing to do, and she also wanted kids.

So while I’m glad that my brother, my sister, and I were brought into the world as a result, it’s clear that they never should have gotten together. Their relationship was constantly toxic and often mutually abusive, moreso on my dad’s end. And when you’re an autistic kid craving a stable and predictable environment growing up in a house that was anything but, when an offhand comment is perfectly fine one day but grounds for a full-on blow up the next, well, it’s...not exactly ideal. I was never physically or sexually abused or something like that, but one day he could be the goofiest, friendliest person in the world and the next one tiny joke will set him off. I mean, it wasn’t all bad. Hell, some of it was pretty great. He really did try to be a good father, and we shared a lot of the same interests, but he was a broken man in so many ways, battling demons that were just stronger than he was.

Anyway, they finally divorced when I was eighteen, and while that was pretty volatile, that was when I finally started to break out of my shell and develop into being my own person. Since then I’ve developed much healthier relationships with both of them. My mom and I have always gotten along great despite us sharing very few interests and having polar opposite political beliefs, and I still stop by to visit every other week to go to the movies or whatever. As for my dad, well, time, distance, and reflection have helped me to understand him better. I always knew that he truly does love us and was trying his best to be a good father, but he was sick and in constant conflict with his mind, with his body, and with his marriage. Nothing ever seemed to work out for him, and it got to him. But I’ll never forget this one story my mom told me about how soon after he had broken his back and lost his job as a result he would force himself to walk to job interviews despite being in so much pain that he could barely cross the parking lot, just because he felt that he had to provide for his family. I’ll always respect that about him, and while it doesn’t excuse the way he would often treat us when his demons took control, I understand him much better, and I pity him more than I resent him.

So, all of that big, long personal tangent to say this: I kind of am a sucker for stories about parental figures who are deeply flawed but do genuinely love their children and just work so hard to do right by them even if they don’t really understand how. 

I bawled at the end of Logan despite not really being a big Wolverine fan. Yondu’s funeral in Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is probably the only time a Marvel movie made me tear up. Brave might be considered one of the lesser Pixar movies, it will always be one of my favorites. 

Angella had been devastated by the loss of Micah, and that made her terrified of losing anyone else. It’s what caused the rift between her and her daughter. It’s what made her too scared to act. But despite labeling herself as a coward, she ultimately performed the bravest act, willingly laying down her life in order to save Etheria while trusting her daughter’s safety to Adora. 

Oh, Angella, you were the bravest one of us. I hope that wherever you are now, you found Micah there waiting for you.

The portal is closed, and reality is restored. But there is plenty of damage to go around. That glare that Adora shoots Catra tell volumes about how their relationship is now. And just that sad look on Hordak’s face as he touches the stone (which bears the run for Loved in First Ones’ Language!) in the armor Entrapta made for him also said so much. You know, I never considered the idea that an evil overlord might have some kind of redemption story. Those are usually reserved for rivals like Catra or good-hearted minions like Entrapta. But if they go that route...I’m not at all opposed. At the very least he has a very compelling character arc, and I really do hope he and Entrapta reunite.

Also, while I am okay with Shadow Weaver working for the good guys now, I hope she’s not let off the hook for all the pain she’s caused. Catra’s wrong about a lot of things, but she is right about how it’s messed up that Shadow Weaver just gets to be one of the good guys after all she’s done. Still, I trust this show to handle it right.

But poor, poor Glimmer. She’s the queen now! She’s the head of the Rebellion! She finally got what she wanted, but in the worst possible way.

And as for that stinger...shit. Reality might have been saved, but Hordak succeeded in getting his message out. And now Horde Prime is coming, and he’s bringing the Horde, the real Horde with him

Well, I guess that wraps that up. I’m all caught up with the show and it’s about halfway through its planned run. Thank you so much to everyone to pushed me into watching this show, I thoroughly loved it. Now we wait together.

[kaorei-endgame]

Ranking of Resident Evil save room themes?

I got my first latte of the season, it’s chilly enough to wear pants indoors, #Streamtober started yesterday. LET’S DO THIS, NICK. >:O 

17. Resident Evil 6 Chapter Ends, All Characters: Back to the cabbage patch. None of you are valid, with your Netflix Original knock-off of some ABC knock-off of 24-ass soundtrack. Go suck a giraffe’s dick with an Ada clone, Jake Muller.

16. Resident Evil, Deadly Silence: What is this Resident Evil for Babiez? Nintendogz+ResidentEvilz? Imagine listening to this on the crappy DS speakers. Wasn’t there something creepy about Jill’s costume in this game, like you could tear pieces of it off, or am I just conjuring fall memories and combining them with how they went out of the way to add boob bounce to the REmake 15 years after the fact, and now Jill’s boobs on PS4 undulate languidly beneath her shirt like a pair of Dragon Quest Slimes yearning to be free. This track: aural despair, unleavened. A way to quickly induce nausea in dogs who have eaten chocolate or raisins.

15. Resident Evil 6, Ada Chapter End: Well, okay, this one is all right. The first fifteen seconds feel like a HiFi version of a track from those Playstation 1 top-down shooters where you played a murder clown or a pyro guy escaping a space prison where you were held for crimes you definitely DID commit. The little background jog kicks in soon after and look, I’m a soft sell for ululation, what can I say.** But it just all just serves to stir memories like embers finally gone to smolder beneath the fireplace ash, stoking them after all these years, reminding me what a weird psycho they turned Ada into in this game. I like reflecting on how people got so mad about there not being co-op in Ada’s campaign that Capcom patched in a partner but his name is like “TeamMate” or “Buddy” and he has no lines of dialogue and is never addressed in the story in any way and thus is either a figment of Ada’s imagination or he’s a real dude who’s just pretty quiet and ultimately drowned on that sub? Well, I guess life’s tough if you’re the (potentially imagination) friend of an ex-spy turned pod person.

**(i contacted my musician friend, Kylie, who confirmed that ululation  was the term i was thinking of, lest i second guess myself. at the same time, i’ll post her text here lest i misrepresent her words “Yeah, ululate as a technical term is vibrato using the tongue, so that would be wrong, but ululate as a descriptor refers to a sound that has a very pronounced waver between tones to it.” cool! i’ve often wondered if that’s the most accurate way to describe it. thanks Kylie!! :D)

14. Resident Evil Revelations 2: Claire gets the best costumes probably across the whole series and yet it feels like she’s gotten the least love of all the main cast. I never really got it, she looks good in denim, whether jacket or pant, and her Revelations 2 blazer does her all the favors. But now they’re remaking RE2 and they turned her face into this weird porcelain Precious Moments dol—MY BELOVED DAUGHTER. MY MOIRA. I SWEAR I’LL FIND YOU. FOR THE SAKE OF JBLL I WILL AVENGE YOU AND THE OTHER ONE.

13. Resident Evil 0: What’s with all the shivery whiney stuff. Like your younger sibling running nails down the chalkboard of your spine, like how the speed run of this game hinges on juggling an evasive bat with 5 out of the 6 flame rounds on hand, so try. Neither relaxing nor scary. Do I hear something like a bongo in the distance? That is the clarion call of Becky Chamber’s goose booty coming home to roost.

12. Resident Evil 7: I had a dream last night about this game. If you have phobias about glass and/or mouths and/or wasp genitals, I would skip this paragraph. I was in the house where you have to run away from the mom with the disgusting wasp hive vagina. Also—unrelated and yet somehow related, as dreams always are—I had opened a beer bottle in such a way that the stem broke. I had decided to drink it anyway and now, as I progressed through the house, I found that there seemed to be endless small slivers of glass in my mouth that I had to repeatedly spit out lest they cut me. When I woke up, my jaw was clenched to the point of soreness. Welcome to the family, I guess. Otherwise this save room music reminds me of the game itself: mostly dull and barely there.

11. Resident Evil Revelations: Item Box Music, only Save Room Adjcanet. Can’t disassociate this from the “swish-swish-swish-SHUCK” sound effects of navigating menus to equip Charge Shot 2 to my Shotgun. Not as pleasing or as integrated into my bone marrow as  the Resident Evil 3 equivalent, but I have probably played this game through thirteen or fourteen times at this point. Life is short and yet the strings of fate tug us the directions they will.

10. Resident Evil 5: Again, this is menu music. No save rooms at all in this game. Anyway I have no inherent memory of this song because I’m sure I’ve talked over it while upgrading my M92FS to 100 bullet capacity 110% of the times I’ve played this game. Exempted from higher echelon of rankings on these technicalities, but still A POOR PERFORMANCE INDEED for Not The Best Resident Evil Yet Paradoxically The One That’s Given Me The Most Joy In My life.

9. Resident Evil, Dead Aim

: Wow I almost can’t believe I don’t remember this despite playing this game enough to write a speedrun guide for it. Well, that was the style at the time. As was a bloated zombie corpse boss, I suppose (long before Left 4 Dead, those copy cats), whose weak spot was its exposed brain which, halfway through the fight when you’d done enough damage, would pop out and dance a sprightly jig on its brainstem every time you shot it. With the whisper of wind and rain and single intermittent synth I feel like I’m living in a cyberpunk future and not a game whose protagonist’s “””cajun””” accent is as questionable as its presentation of the antagonist’s gender.

8. Resident Evil, Umbrella Chronicles

: Hey now, weird bit of the creepy-freaky bass here kind of does put you in a certain headspace, but it’s not the headspace i remember of this game, which was basically unplayable in co-op for the final 3rd because a failed QTE would result in a hunter slicing away half your health. Good for an Into the Breach playlist to keep you focused on the action and stop you from trying to play it while also binging a Netflix show about werewolves that you didn’t really like anyway, and splitting your attention between visual mediums is just getting Good Pilots Killed.

7. Resident Evil 2: Ominous. Maybe TOO Ominous at points. Aren’t save rooms about being safe? I guess we could argue that because the save room reflects the lacuna of safety  BING BONG piano is the Try Hard version of video game music asking “you scurred yet?” Perhaps a novice mistake from a first-time director who would go on to do so many great things (well, RE2 among them, no lie). In a way, this fits with Rookie Cop Leon S. Kennedy, and anyway it’s so over the top I’m kind of okay with it. Most innervating when first heard on your way to equip a cowgirl costume for fast-firing six-shooter action. Guns suck, and cowboys too, but both are okay if we experience them in the abstract sense. This is what culture teaches us. Fan the trigger.

6. Resident Evil 4: A surprisingly gentle one, considering the series turn towards action from which it would never recover. I am transported to the early minutes of a horror movie where the audience knows something the protagonist doesn’t about the terror that’s about to befall them while they blithely pick up a desiccated nudie mag in an old shed on a haunted property they inherited from their estranged uncle, more focused on the “ballistics” before them than the axe murderer crouched in the shadows of disused farm equipment behind.

5. Resident Evil 3, Nemesis: More languid riff on 2. Strings get you shivery, and no more than a single BONG per two measures proves that save room music is as much about the notes you DON’T play. Two bongs to scare, but one bong to keep you on your toes, disallowing you from getting *too* relaxed by the soothing bleeps and bloops as you combine the 3 Gunpowder As you just found to make sure you have enough ammo to pistol-juke the so-called unkillable Nemesis. You’re not coward, but that doesn’t make you brave. Discretion is the better part of valor, they say, but that’s not taking into account that non-discretiony valor rewards you directly with a faster-firing pistol with critical headshots. :3

4. Resident Evil 1, Vanilla: Gentle, plucky strings make you question your memory, more familiar with later revisions than you are this one. How often was I in this place? Or does its primacy belie its immediacy? If I went to the strange, pointless closet around the corner from this medicine save room, would I find a broken shotgun I expect there, a round of magnum ammo, or simply the ghost of discarded aspirations masking as memories. I recall a time when it felt like time was enough, but then again, this was back when anything sub-three hours would get you the infinite rocket launcher, regardless of how many First Aid Sprays you used.

3. Resident Evil 1, REmake: High fidelity version of RE1’s gentle strings remind you of simpler times when your worst fears were zombies resurrecting into scarier, faster zombies with claws. What we wouldn’t give to go back to those days, and maybe tell ourselves not to take out so much student debt. Listening to this sends a pulse of gentle energy through my shoulder blades that makes me think “relaxation,” though I’m not sure my body understands the meaning of the word. A respite in trying eras, there is no association with the tension of shaving 15 minutes off your time to be competitive. “Safe Heaven,” they call it; a theme for a place that is not our own, but should be.

2. Resident Evil 1, Director’s Cut: Wow I did not expect music box chimes and tones stirs something ancestral in my blood. I’ve played the Director’s Cut far more times than the original RE1 and this is like coming home to a big house where I enjoyed an idyllic childhood, but I now know every box is filled with the creepy knife doll from Onimusha. Though these senations are foreign to me, something about them inspires a thirst for a homeland I never knew.

1. Resident Evil Code Veronica: The absolute chillest. In life, paths may wind, but the ultimate  The strings are tickling your spine. You’re so relaxed you feel like oiling your ponytail, and you could even take a nap in Steve Burnside’s arms without reflexively gagging. When you hear this, you are at peace, and the world seems like a place that can be kind. Truly, the Code is Veronica.

and don’t forget to vote in our poll on whether or not we’re playing Claire A or Leon A tonight!

[tumblunni]

HEY WOO! I’m inexplicably hyped again to work on Changeling Sim! So since I’m working on developing Anem, I remembered how I promised a while ago I’d go into more detail on the character relationships I listed on this meme. Its probably pretty silly to start with Anem as opposed to the main protagonist, but Anem is one of two main supporter characters so meh!

R E L A T I O N S H I P   M E M E   2 M E M E L E C T R I C   B O O G A L O O

Anem + Anem

Her relationship with herself is a low self confidence one. A relateable one that’s probably the most similar to me out of all of the cast! She’s extremely shy and worried about being good enough for everyone, always fusses over little failures that nobody else even noticed, always values everyone’s opinion higher than her own, and never notices her own positive traits. And she’s very self concious about her own cowardly nature, seeing herself as a secretly horrible person and always fearing she wouldnt be able to make the right choice if she was really scared. Would she just backstab her own friends to save herself? And she’s scared that showing her emotions of fear or sadness is ‘manipulative’, she has to always put on a serious and professional face. If anything it’s good that she’s so commonly spooked by human things, it means her new family gets to see her real self whenever she lets her guard down! However she’s actually a complete badass in battle, and her friends believe that she’s actually braver BECAUSE she’s always scared! If you’re a coward yet you still fight anyway, every single time, to protect your friends when you’re TERRIFIED OUT OF YOUR SKULL, then that’s far harder than anything else! She’s also a ridiculously effective butler, no matter how much she discounts her own skills as simply the minimum required for one in her profession. She can actually accidentally sound arrogant because of this, even if its rooted in self hate instead :P

Anem + Kiddo

I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIFE, MY LEIGE Probably the person Anem is immediately the closest too. Its mostly because the little half-human-half-fairy princess is the one Anem was charged with protecting, but as time goes on she begins to care about her as a best friend instead of just an employer. She trusts Kiddo the most since she’s the least human person in the room and thus least scary. And she’d heard so many great stories of how the mysterious lost princess is an amazing person, and so much is riding on her butler being the best butler ever. Which doesnt help Anem’s self confidence issues, she has NO CLUE why she was picked for the job or how she’ll manage to live up to everyone’s expectations! So she starts off kinda as a combination of hero worship and "I must be silent around you, you are the superior, you probably are so critical of everything I am doing, aaaaaa...” And Kiddo is practically wrestling with her to let her be her friend. Goddammit you’re gonna hug me and I’m not gonna rest until this day has come to pass!! On Kiddo’s side of things, Anem is initially her only friend her own age, and even when she makes more friends Anem is still the only person who really knows what its like to be magical, and can tell her more about the magical world. And Anem just starts to see Kiddo as this kind of ‘manic pixie dream girl’ archetype who jumped into her life and pulled her into a world of brighter things! Introduced her to so many human things she found so scary once, protected her from everything, helped her to love herself more, and was really the first and closest friend she ever had. (And really THAT is the reason Anem was picked out of all the knights to disguise as a butler and protect her. The knight captain wanted Anem to be able to live a more normal life for a little while, and make a friend.) Aaaaaaand ultimately Anem kinda starts CRUSHING HARD on our lil princess, and can be a potential romance route. Senpai, notice me~! Anem sees Kiddo as her knight that saved her from loneliness, Kiddo sees Anem as... well, a more literal knight. They balance each other well! They’re both brave at different things! After all, fighting giant monsters is way easier than talking to cashiers at the store, amirite?

Anem + Jack

A pretty awkward relationship! They’re kinda... only peaceful because they have to be?? Super tense, potential for things to crack at any moment. They probably would be friends if they were introduced in different circumstances, its really sad that they’re so distant through no fault of their own! Anem is bound by honor to respect her employer’s mother, who is thusly the alpha employer. But she’s still terrified of humans and doesn’t know how to relate to her, doesnt know if she’s to be trusted. Anem’s job is to protect Kiddo, she has to be suspicious of everyone and be prepared to fight even the mother if it looks like she’s a threat to the daughter... But Anem also doesn’t want to immediately jump to assuming Jackie is evil like she does with most human strangers. So instead its just incredibly awkward and professional. Anem acts like a robot and initially refuses to speak outside of her required roles as a butler. Her helpful commentary would be more cliche tutorial at first and then get more snarky and funny as she comes out of her shell~! And from Jackie’s perspective, Jackie is REALLY trying to befriend this poor kid. She’s very aware that Anem is young, even though Anem herself seems pretty unaware of it, and always judges herself to a higher standard than most adults. And Jackie also doesnt know how to relate to a fullblood fairy who’s terrified of all humans. She doesnt know how to say ‘please take it easier on yourself, I care about you’ without outstepping her bounds and scaring Anem off... But she tries her best to at least make it feel more like she’s simply a normal child doing a part-time job, instead of a slave contractually obliged to obey EVERYTHING even if she doesn’t want to. Jackie’s only way of being able to show affection is finding ways to make Anem go easier on herself, finding ways to lower her responsibilities and give her more time off. Trying to help her learn to say no... Jackie started off as an equally shy person during her childhood, and worked really hard to become this bombastic detective mama! And even then she still has her anxieties, and she sees them all reflected in this kid and has no idea how to help :( I think if Anem and Kiddo hooked up, Jackie would be absolutely over the moon to welcome her into the family and Anem would be like “??? where did this come from.” IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG, YOU SILLY THING!

Anem + Glenn

Another case of a human who wants to be Anem’s friend and Anem completely misunderstands it. Its a bit more dramatic with Glenn though! Anem has no reason to be forced to interact with him, she’s kinda out of the loop on who he is, so to her he’s just another stranger human who’s a potential threat to her beloved princess. She always comically misinterprets his various friendship attempts as ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS, leaving him confused and bereft! “I baked you a cake” “ITS A BOMB” *slaps it out of his hands as ‘hello darkness my old friend’ plays* And its especially sad because Glenn is usually a super stern guy who doesn’t initiate friendships easily, Anem doesn’t know how rare and genuine this is. They actually have a lot in common as the ‘serious duo’, and often end up together in comedic situations because of it. They’ve kinda already accidentally become friends even though neither of them knows it! Ultimately they do eventually become closer as a sort of inter-generational brotp or something? I think their friendship is more on equal grounds whereas Glenn and Kiddo see each other as adoptive siblings. And, well, in the romance ending Glenn would have a relationship like an overprotective brother meeting his lil sis’s new spouse, which is... kinda the relationship they already had before Anem and Kiddo even started dating?? Precognative awkwardness!

~Other relationships with non-main characters~

Anem + Nicnevin

Nicnevin is currently my beta name for the head of the royal knights, a badass stoic human-hating soldier who nonetheless has a soft spot and even her hate is motivated by loyalty to her queen and country. And to her little prized knight student, Anem! Anem’s been working as a novice royal knight since a very young age, and has never wished for anything but to finally join the army for real and fight for her country. Nicnevin deeply respects Anem’s amazing skill at the lance, but also worries that she’s rushing into a decision too fast on what she wants to do with her life, and has never had a chance to experience a real childhood. So she slowly ended up growing a real friendship with this brave lil rookie, and reccommended her for the butler/bodyguard job out of confidence in her skills and also a wish that Anem could have her worldview expanded and find the happiness she needed. And ultimately it was really lucky that she did, because all the anti-human propeganda ended up being grossly exaggerated and both Nicnevin and Anem regretted their actions in this war by the end of the story. By sending Anem off to find her destiny, Nicnevin found herself doubting her own destiny that she was so sure of... Also Nicnevin just really WILL NOT EVER SHUT UP about how amazing Anem is and how she’s the single most promising knight in the army and 100% deserves every good thing she’s ever given. No matter how much Anem insists on arguing that she’s a terrible person! Like... 90% of Anem’s friendships are categorized by Anem being completely oblivious to the fact this person sees her as a friend, and insisting she doesn’t deserve them. From her perspective she and her boss have a completely impersonal relationship and she’d be like ‘WHAT’ if you told her she was clearly the favourite. E-excuse me, what is this conspiracy theory bullshit???

Anem + Currently unnamed dad/parent figure of some sort?

Undeveloped idea! I was thinking maybe Anem’s dad could be a minor npc, working a job as the royal scribe at the palace. His personality is a nice and loving guy who’s a bit of a nervous wreck and a manchild. Someone who’s looked after by his daughter, rather than vice versa. But like.. not in a negative way or a comical way. He’s a well-meaning guy who really tries, but is suffering from mental illness and isn’t fully capable of taking care of his child anymore. His wife died in the war against the humans, and his mind was pretty much shattered afterwards. This family life is what led to Anem becoming so anti-human, joining the army to live up to her mother’s legacy, and picking up a lot of her father’s frightened behaviours due to his PTSD. But it also forged her into a truly brave and supernaturally competant child who’s been protecting him and will go on to protect so many other people! Ultimately the assignment to work for Jackie and Kiddo was a huge opportunity for this family! Anem sees it as a way to make enough money to look after her father, and enough fame to make it into the royal guard at last. And her dad sees it as... a nice exchange student field trip that Nicnevin kindly sent her on. Yeah, Anem didn’t want to worry him by mentioning the potential life-threatening danger of venturing into the human world that claimed her mother. ironically the humans she was assigned to ended up being nice people and her job pretty much IS a fun exchange program! Also dad has been getting a lot better, he finally managed to get back into the workplace and this scribe job is a pretty high position! Anem wouldn’t have been happy leaving him alone for so long if she didnt know he was doing okay. But still they send constant letters to each other, and whenever she gets a chance to see him again she’s ecstatic, even if it means she has to lie about what she’s been doing the whole time. Oh, and she also sends a lot of letters to Nicnevin, but that’s part of her job. Gotta report daily on any suspicious signs from the humans! “I found this ‘fork’ which may possibly be a weapon??”

[missapplebottom-blog]

Here We Go Again.

8th OCTOBER 2015 Wow. From the last time I wrote this... So much has changed. My whole life has changed more in in the last 3 weeks than it has in the past couple years. Oh crap- I accidentally deleted this chunk of what I initially wrote. Ummm let me think... Something about how I used to write here when I was afraid of confronting you with problems because I was so afraid of fighting with you. And I think that's something I learnt about relationships.. Truly. We kept so much shit from each other because we were so afraid of hurting each other or even worse.. Getting into a fight. We used to be so open on the long car drives home, at what point did we stop communicating? But it doesn't justify what you did. I had never fought so hard for someone in my entire life.. And you gave up so easily on me. So fucking weak. Weak character, weak frame of mind and ultimately a coward. I don't hate you. In fact the opposite... I want the best for you and I truly want you to be happy. I love you.. But I'm no longer in love with you. I don't trust you. I can't. I believed you or wanted to believe you so badly, I became disillusioned with what was acceptable. Staying away from you is both the best and worst thing I can do. I've never felt so many effing contrasting emotions in my life. It's any wonder I don't have bipolar. Each day- I'm not sure if it's going to be a good day or if I'll just break down and cry... Like I did in Parkmore Carpark. I hate crying over you. Or over this. And I hate that this is one of those things that will take me a long time to get over. Any mention of her name, songs about cheating or whatever and I physically feel sick or lose my shit. On the outside ... Everyone sees a strong person. But I feel so damaged. I really am damaged. But I won't let people see that part of me because when I am in pain, they're in pain and I can't bear to be the source of pain for other people. I can feel sorry for myself.. But what's the point. Actually.. I've lost the point in many things. I'm in a constant state of confusion. It's pretty amazing what lack of self-love I have lol What do I mean by that.. Not that I hate myself. I reckon I'm a pretty good catch! But in terms of the shit I'm able to tolerate. I need a greater bullshit metre (I learnt that from watching the bachelorette). I've heard the saying that we accept the love we think we deserve... And gee that is reflected in the choices I've made. I believed you to be greater than you actually were. I always had enough love for the two of us.. But even that wasn't enough. And that's what fucking hurts the most. How much time and effort I invested in this... Not gone to waste but more .. Thrown in my face just like that. What a fool I have been. I'm not up for the single life. I've always been a lot better at being in relationships because I love devoting my time to making someone else happy. I don't know how to make myself happy. It sounds so stupid.. But I actually have no clue. People are like 'you deserve happiness' 'treated better' etc and I can see what it looks like in other people.. But maybe I don't know what it is because I've never had it? I will choose to believe I was happy with you... But damn I've never fought so hard for something... Ever. I was willing to do ANYTHING for you. I would have literally gone to the ends of the earth if you asked me to. But you obviously couldn't do the same. Thus far... I have not been able to trust anyone who can do that for me. I'm repulsed by guys who are nice to me. I don't know why. I'm sure someone genuinely loved me and I skipped over them because I kept accepting love that was less than I deserve. To be treated right or find that person is actually REALLY hard. I'm sceptical to believe it exists. So for now.. I can only keep it in my dreams. I just need to find someone who won't take me so fucking for granted Zzz