#do you think tressa should be allowed to say ass

[confusions-shed-of-ideas]

Tressa’s Chapter 1, Badly Summarised

(Aka: If you rob me I'll kick your ass)

Tressa: Hi my name’s Tressa Colzione and I’m a merchant

Tressa: One day, I'm gonna explore the world!

Tressa: Good morning parents

Tressa's Parents (Olneo & Marina): Good morning Tressa

Tressa: Aight let's do some store stuff y'all I'm gonna go out and stock these shelves

Olneo: Hold on young lady, now do you remember what the three things a merchant needs most are-

Tressa: They need to be smiley, mannerly, and early obviously!

Marina: And they need to look out for pirates causing trouble around the taverns

Tressa: Ma that's four things

Olneo: And they need to look out for pirates causing trouble around the taverns

Tressa: Okay f i n e aight goodbye now!!

Tressa's Parents: Goodbye Tressa!! ^^

*After Tressa leaves*

Olneo: Ah, youngsters

Olneo: Y'know, back in my day, when I was her age-

---

Fisherman: Hello Tressa! Here's today's catch

Tressa: Ooh nice I'll pay you this much for it

Fisherman: Lmao this fish is worth a bit more

Tressa: Oh

Tressa: Well I mean... I was going to ignore the damage your hooks did to the fish's guts-

Fisherman: Alright fine I'll take the cash

Tressa: Yippee!

Fisherman: Can't believe I just lost a debate with an 18 year old lol gj kid

*Elsewhere*

Tressa: Hi I need to buy some wine

Beverage Vendor: Aren't you a bit too young to be-

Tressa: It's for my parents' store

Beverage Vendor: Okay but-

Tressa: Hey I'm 18 that's old enough to drink wine in a lot of places

Beverage Vendor: Alright but do you have an ID

Tressa: I don't think we have IDs in this game

Beverage Vendor: What

Tressa: What

*TV static noises*

---

Tressa: Ayy we got it done

Tressa: Man I wish I could explore elsewhere

Tressa: But I've gotta stay here in Rippletide. If I don't take over my parents' shop, no one's going to. Sometimes I wonder if I do have opportunities elsewhere. Maybe there's a whole other life out there, just waiting to be explored! But I don't know. What do I really want? What do I want in life? What's really out there? *sigh*

Tressa: The ocean sure looks big

Tressa: That's a big ship that's coming into the harbour

Tressa: Wait a minute I haven't seen that ship around here before

Tressa: Holy crap that's a real nice ship

Captain: Hello there lass I'm the captain of this ship

Tressa: Hi I'm Tressa and you have a really neat ship say do you mind if I take a peak at what's on board

Captain: Sorry but I only allow those I trust on board

Tressa: Aw man

*Loud noises in the distance*

Tressa: Omg what was that I'd better go check that out

Tressa: *Runs off*

Captain: Ah, kids these days

---

Mikk: Hi I'm Mikk

Makk: Hi I'm Makk

Mikk and Makk: And we're here to rob your stuff!

Mikk: I'm obviously the captain because I'm so cool

Makk: Lmao no I'm the captain you're just the first mate

Mikk and Makk: Fight me

Pirate Lackey: Y'all chill

Mikk and Makk: Alright let's continue robbing people

Tressa: No

Mikk: Says who?

Tressa: Says me

Makk: Oh it's just a little girl lol

Tressa: Little girl my ass I'm 18

Mikk: Is she allowed to say "ass"

Makk: Beats me

Mikk: Omg is that wine

Mikk: *Steals the wine from Tressa*

Tressa: Hey I bought that with my own money!

Makk: You don't even look old enough to drink lol

Tressa: Fight me

Captain: Lass, no

Tressa: Aw but-

Captain: They won't listen to reason, just let them be

Mikk and Makk: Yeah lol okay now goodbye y'all thanks for letting us take your stuff

Captain: It's okay to be scared of the pirates lass

Tressa: Pft I'm not scared

Captain: But your legs were trembling

Tressa: Oh

Street Vendor: Damn pirates won't leave us alone

Street Vendor: Idek what they're doing staying in the Caves of Maiya

Tressa: ...

---

Tressa: I'm gonna go bargain with the pirates

Captain: Lass no

Tressa: Lass yes

Captain: Okay but like do you have a weapon or a plan or any method of getting your stuff back

Tressa: Well uh I won 50 debate competitions in 3rd grade

Captain: I already told you they weren't going to listen to reason lass

Captain: If you walk in there they're going to kick your ass

Captain: Am I allowed to say that to you

Tressa: Well yeah but I can't just sit here and let these other merchants starve to death because they have no money to put food on their plates

Tressa: And y'know what, maybe I will fight the pirates

Captain: Hm alright then if you're so determined then I won't stop you

Captain: But I'm going to help

Captain: If we succeed and you find something on my ship that catches your eye, I'll let you have it

Tressa: Aight deal

Tressa: Now let's go kick some pirate ass!

Captain: Okay but are you allowed to say "ass"

Tressa: Brb I'm gonna buy some stuff first

Captain: Alright

Captain: Lass is that weed

Tressa: It's sleepweed :D

Captain: Oh what would you need that for

Tressa: Oh y'know, I just thought the pirates could use a nice nap after all that looting

Captain: I like your style lass

Captain: Alright now good luck

---

*At the tavern*

Tressa: I put the sleepweed in the wine

Tressa: Now all we have to do is bring the wine to them

---

*At the Caves of Maiya*

Tressa: Ahoy there

Pirate Lackey: Oh it's the little girl again

Tressa: Here, have this wine. It's a gift from me and the other merchants because we're soooooo sorry we thought we stood a chance against you swashbuckling pirates

Pirate Lackey: Omg wine

Pirate Lackey: *Brings it inside*

Tressa: Lmao I can't believe they fell for it

---

*Inside the Caves*

Mikk: Lol the townspeople are so weak I can't believe they didn't try to put up a fight

Makk: Well I mean it doesn't look like they can LMAO

Mikk: "The strong take while the weak quake" amirite

Mikk and Makk: LMAO

Makk: Wise words by the one and only Captain Leon Bastralle

Mikk: Totally not gonna bite us back later

Makk: Yeah because we're super cool and want to follow in the footsteps of Captain Leon Bastralle

Pirate Lackey: Captains the little girl have wine

Mikk and Makk: AYO WINE?? Hell yeah y'all

Pirates: Cheers!

---

Tressa: That should be enough time

Tressa: *Walking around the Caves* Oh boy, look at these sleeping pirates, I wonder what happened to them

Tressa: Aight time to take the stolen wares back

Mikk: *Waking up* Oi what are you doing here little girl

Tressa: Oh no

Mikk: Wake up Makk it's the little girl from town

Makk: Oh so you were going to take your stuff back when we were sleeping huh

Tressa: Oh no

Mikk and Makk: Y'know we ain't gonna let you take our hard earned loot back

Tressa: Hard earned my ass y'all didn't earn anything you just stole it

Tressa: And I'm not gonna just stand by and let you take it

Mikk and Makk: Fight us

Tressa: Y'know what hell yeah

*Epic boss battle ensues*

Tressa: Oh yay we won

Makk: Oh what she beat us

Mikk: We aren't letting you get away with this. Mateys!

*Other pirates appear*

Tressa: Oh no

Tressa: Might as well take on you all to get these goods back

Mikk and Makk: Lmao time to face defeat little girl

Captain: Not so fast

Captain: Were you guys seriously going to pick on this little girl

Tressa: Captain I'm 18

Captain: You all have no right to speak about how the world works if you only pick on the weak and defenseless

Mikk: Oh it's that guy from earlier

Mikk: Lol anyways let's fight them

Captain: *Defeats everyone*

Makk: What how'd you beat all of us

Mikk and Makk: Omg wait that's Captain Leon Bastralle

Makk: Who tf are you

Tressa: Wait holy crap that was you???

Captain Leon: I'm just a merchant, no longer a pirate

Captain Leon: But say, have you gentlemen ever heard of the phrase "dead men tell no tales"?

Mikk and Makk: Y'all we gotta go

*The pirates escape*

Tressa: Captain?

Captain Leon: Just call me Leon, lass

Tressa: Thanks for saving me Mr Leon

Captain Leon: Well then, gather the goods and head back home. I'll have to leave soon

Tressa: Wait already??

Captain Leon: Yep, but remember to come on by my ship. We had a deal, remember?

---

Tressa: Mr Leon are you sure I can come aboard

Captain Leon: Well I said I only let those I trust aboard right

Tressa: And?

Captain Leon: Exactly

Tressa: Oh

Tressa: OH

Tressa: Thank you Mr Leon omg omg

Tressa: Yo this place is packed are you sure I can take one of these

Captain Leon: Mhm

Tressa: Omg thank you

Tressa: Ooh I think I'll take... this diary

Captain Leon: Um, lass, I'm afraid that won't sell for much

Captain Leon: Some guy I let on board just left that there and it got mixed in with the treasures

Tressa: Hm I still think I'll take it though

Tressa: It calls to me

Captain Leon: Alright then, you can have it

Tressa: Thank you Mr Leon :D

Captain Leon: Okay now goodbye lass

Tressa: Goodbye!

---

Tressa: I'm gonna speedrun this book

Tressa: Hm so it talks about someone's adventures around the world

Tressa: That's so cool, I wish I could do that

Tressa: Oh whoops it's past my bedtime

*The next day*

Tressa: Good morning parents

Tressa: I'm going to see the world!

Olneo and Marina: You're going to what

Tressa: I'm gonna become a traveling merchant!

Marina: But dear-

Olneo: You have no experience! You need to spend a hell lot more time in the shop before you go out and become a traveling merchant

Tressa: Pa I'm 18 I can handle it

Tressa: Besides I can learn on the road n stuff so I'll be fiiiiiiiine

Olneo: Well okay then you can go

Tressa: Wait really

Marina: Wait really

Olneo: I mean she'll get experience out there so I think it should be fine

Marina: Fine then, but do take care!

Tressa: Omg thanks Ma and Pa! Goodbye!! :D

---

*Outside*

Tressa: Hm the author only filled in half of the book

Tressa: I guess I'll have to finish the story myself

Tressa: AYY I'M GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!! WOO!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK

---

These are fun to do but I don't think I'll get to do this very often when school starts in two days

Tressa my beloved I know you're 18 but why do you seem so much younger

Tressa would've dominated all the debates in class I'm calling it

Anyways bye y'all I hope you enjoyed