#dobies x netflix

[snalsupremacy]

2023 events

2022 events list

Again, these are not all of the events, just the ones i happen to come across with

- All of Sherlock Holmes is now officially public domain - Lil Nas X back at it again with... THE WIGGLES?! - Noah Schnapp, who plays Will Byers in Stranger Things, comes out as gay - US gov can't vote for a speaker of the house - McCarthy wins speaker of the house after 15 votes - Bolsonaro supporters storm the Congress and vandalize the whole place, are arrested on location -golden globes n stuff -JOJO LEAK JOJO LEAK ITS A BOY ITS A BOY -Lisa Marie Presley, daughter of Elvis Presley, dies at 54 -M3gan is a gay icon pass it on -AO3 down, 40 injured 15 dead -New FOB album - Velma show unsurprisingly sucks - Pink Sause on wallmart -Paramore back & new album coming soon - UK blocks scottish law that helped trans people and this might lead to their independence (pls) -TUMBRL ADDED POLLS! TUMBRL ADDED POLLS!! - #team snail worm deserved to lose the centopéia or however you say in english winning was RIGGED AND I CAN PROVE IT - Pete Wentz leaked Brendon Urie’s oncoming baby which leads him to breaking up Panic! At The Disco. Finally. - Holy fucking bingle! Trans Bi Lesbian It/She pronouns swiss hacker just leacked the US no-fly list, and plot twist, its very racist, what?! :3 - Justin Roiland is fired from Rick and Morty for being a bad person - Cecil from welcome to nightvale defeats Reigen in the Tumbrl Sexyman rematch pools! Idk who he is i just voted him bc i dont want reigen to win. -CECILSWEEP IS EVERYWHERE THE FINALS ARE SANS VS CECIL WHO WILL WIN - CECIL PALMER WITH THE STEEL CHAIR BEATS SANS TO PULP AT THE BACK OF PAPA JOHN'S!!! -The last of Us everywhere, seems to be a good game adaptation! glad to see more of those!

-Toby Fox scores the very first interview with creator of Yume Nikki, kikiyama with 9 yes or no questions and 1 "free response" question asking what they would get at a Denny's -FNAF movie officially starts filming - Marceline wins tumbrl woman - Just vote for vanilla extract and waive boys, just vote for vanila extract and wave - 7.8 earthquake hits Turkey and Syria, thausands of casualities - Spotted chinese (?) spy baloons (?) in America - Now theres a Tumbrl vanilla extract bottle, awesome - Hogwarts Legacy release discourse follows - Tear of the kingdom trailer out this is the most emotion link has shown in canon in 36 years - Youtube channel schaffrillas productions gets involved in car accident, Christopher Schaffer and Patrick Phyrillas pronounced dead on site while James Phyrillas in critical condition - Italian manwhore summer (Sanremo) - Netflix creating something thats gonna ruin password sharing people and everyone is mad - Brianna Ghey, 16 yo trans teenager, is stabbed to the death at a park -THE JOJOLANDS! AMAZING! MINDBLOWING! LIFE CHANGING! NEVER THE SAME! 10/10! -Succession will end in S4 -NEW MAGNAPINNA SQUID FOOTAGE HUNTING??

-New gen of TMNT (Mutant Mayhem)!! -Minesota lagislature makes trans health care (wait for it) LEGAL! - New mario movie trialer the babygirlification of Luigi continues -Willow project approved ‘_’ - More anti trans legislation. whats the news - Esc songs dropped the guy w the green top is already tumbrl’s top 1 jenn should have won etc etc -Gerard Way presenting in full office lady style. Tbh im just more impressed he did a show in tights. - Jojolands #2 out! Hot dog guy has a name now and Rohan canonically transcend the multiverse! - Taylor Swift eras tour congrats swifties - ICC issues arrest warrant to Vladmir Putin for war crimes -Trump to be arrested -Arab Cartoon Network hacked (Update: hacking was fake) - Tik Tok banned on government phones after spying accusations -New FOB album - The ladies from RWBY just kissed! mazal tov! - Justin Roiland case dropped - Kid in brazil attacks school teacher with knife - School shooting in US - Resident Evil 4 remake - Dobi dies in a glue trap -Trump got indicated, idk what that means but seems bad for trump which is good

-10 year anniversary of the Mishapocalypse - Ofc all your fave properties do an April fool’s special,, most notably Toby Fox’s “accidental foam pic” and Sonic The Hedgehog free murder mystery game that looks gorgeous?? they take the trophy this year -Kasane Teto gets her official voicebank for her 15th anniversary -wait... the DSMP is over..? it ended..? for real..?? WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL!!1!!11!!!!!11 - Dalai Lama [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] - Harry Potter HBO series... just what we needed ‘_’ - Misha Collins reveals Warner Brothers wanted him to stay out as bisexual after that one off joke last year - Out of touch thursday on 4/20 we did it boys - We DOUBLE DID IT BOYS! Elon Musk’s rocket explodes because he forgot to build a flame diverter?? Or did he not build one on purpose? Anyway no one was inside THANKFULLY - Movie markplier is working on is revealed to be..IRON LUNG?! - Elon Musk takes out all the unpaid blue check marks expecting the celebrity accounts to pay for them, instead #blocktheblue movements started in which you block all users with blue check mark, Musk then responds to this by awarding random popular users with check marks -Tucker Carlson fired, ill b real, I have no idea who he is -Don Lemon also fired, again, idk who he is - Ray Toro and Gerard Way on fnaf movie soundtrack?!? -Disney sues Florida governor Ron Desantis, woag.. I cant believe im saying this but it’ll be easier to make the governor leave than the rat theme park

-JASON DERULO JUST FELL OFF THE STARS AT THE MET GALA! 😱😱😱 - WGA on strike! -And may Eurovision posting begin! Im rooting for finland what ab y’all - Tony Hawk and chocolate guy collab?!?!?!?! -ABSOLUTELY BULLSHIT EUROVISION RESULTS KAARIJA IS THE REAL WINNER SWEDEN BE DAMNED -FNAF trailer drop -Barbie Movie trailer drop -IDubz apologises for content cop, better late than never ig -Succession finale - I saw that execution clip from generation loss cuz it cant be thaaat fucked up right? haha.... im traumatized -Seth Everman announces he will leave the internet in 200ish days -Ted lasso ends, and so, pride month begins.... -Hank Green got cancer

-Happy pride month guys! - Jojo musical adaption of Phantom Blood confirmed - Russian occupiers in Ukraine blew up the Kakhovka Hydroelectric Power Station -Across the spiderverse takes the internet by storm AS IT SHOULD - Fires in canada kinda spreads the smoke like all around and its all a gray haze over there -Kaarija and Bojan concert together doing a shit job at beating ther allegations happy pride month kings -Hank Green is bisexual, likes Brennan Lee Muligan, and found that out because of wreck it ralph cosplays i can’t believe this is real -Redit blackout? 196? im very confused, but the redditors are here and tumbrl are welcoming them WAY better than we did twitter users which i find fitting lol -Adrien and Marinette from miraculous lb finally kissed omg its been like 8 years?? insane -The Idol sucks - Shit submarine w 5 people goes missing and the more we find out the more inevitable it felt       • Oceangate...gate brings awareness to migrant ships who drown and kill hundrents of migrants       • Iron Lung game sell suddenly spikes       •Submarine found, it imploded, all passengers dead - Joes Biden (US president)'s son committed tax fraud -Mark Zuch and Elon Musk are going to fight?? -Military coup in Russia (failed) -Miranda sings revolutionizing the YouTuber apology genre by apologizing for groomer allegations via ukulele - wtf is a grimace shake - Happy pride month! US overruled law prohibiting homophobic discrimination based on religion!

-Nimona is out! I haven’t watched it yet but the reception is great! (Edit: watched it, its good) -Superman finally got his long deserved sailor moon style transformation. good for him. -AO3 down, 500 dead 756 injured (Update: AO3 is down due to DDOS attack, which is when a group overwhelms the website with requests. This seems to be made by a group who claims to be doing it for homophobic reasons tho they likely have uterior reasons) -SAG-AFRA joins WGA strike - Universal prunes trees outside their building to try and prevent WAG/SAG-AFRA picket line. However, these trees are city property and "tree law" (heavy fine for destroying gov owned nature) might be called into action - Happy Barbenheimer tho all who celebrate - MITSKI ALBUM ANNOUNCEMENT?! - Fnaf DLC smth smth eclipse - Elon Musk tries to change twitter to X ? - Good Omens season 2 finale so tragically good it re animated OFMD SPN and Hanibal into trending page

- Tik tok parody of every 90's euro disco song goes viral - New James Webb telesc ope picture shows a giant ? in space. poetry. - Forest fires in Hawaii destroying homes -Anti semetic hate crime against USP teacher in Amazonas - Tik tok tried to create their Goncharov (Zepotha) and it turns out to be a plot to promote a musician's new song - Planet of the bass music vide out!! - Trump might actually get arrested, mugshot and all - Who thought it was a good idea to make the actor portraying Bernstein in the new biopic wear a PROSTHETIC NOSE?? - India first country to land on south pole of the moon! - Someone tracked down spanish spn’s rogue translator, who claims he did not add that in, meaning in some version of spn destiel was canon - Riverdale ends with all of them in a polycule. Which honestly is the best possible ending - TRUMP MUGSHOT TRUMP MUGSHOT

-That mole do be interesting -Castiel 15th birthday WAIT 15?? A DECADE AND A HALF?? - Ladybug and Chatnoir are emo now. Like, literally. - WGA strike succesfully ends -The Pokemonx Miku collab is everything actually - WGA stricke officially ends wed 27/9 12:01 AM, the deal is finalized and the writer’s guild got most of what they wanted! yay uniuns!

- Israel-Palestine conflict breaks into full on war with many casualities on both sides -NOOOOOO BAKUGO IS ALIVE PUT HIM BACK IN THE GRAVE!! KILL HIM AGAIN!!

- Spock wins the AO3 polls unsuprisingly - youtuber SSSniperwolf doxxes youtuber JacksFilms -Merlin twitter account is active...why? -Mathew Perry, Friends actor and advocate for alcoholism and drug abuse issues dies at age 54

-Happy 3 anniversary to Nov 5th -THANK G-D ATTACK ON TITAN IS OVER ITS FINALLY OVER FUCKK YES FINALLY -NOOOOO LIVE ACTION ZELDA CONFIMRED WHYYYY - Actor strike is over =D - GTA 5 anounced - SHREK 5???? - Omegle shut downs for ever - Zack and Cody’s restaurant reservation is today - Dream and the voice actor of Gumball beefed and tbh it was hilarious - Russia declares LGBT groups extremists organizations - Henry Kissinger, american politician, dies at 100 - SONIC 3 DATE REVEAL YEAHHH

-Hbomber guy DESTROYS James Somerton and Internet Historian’s career with his new video on plagiarism - TODD IN THE SHADOWS COMES BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR IN JAMES SOMERTON!! - BG3 Game Awards Sweep including GOTY

[tywvin-archive]

tagged by: @hailderek & @casterlys, thanks <3

rules: bold what you prefer & tag 10 people

1. coffee or tea 2. early bird or night owl 3. chocolate or vanilla 4. spring or fall 5. silver or gold 6. pop or alternative 7. freckles or dimples 8. snakes or sharks 9. mountains or fields 10. thunderstorm or lightning 11. egyptian or greek mythology 12. ivory or scarlet 13. flute or lyre  ( support the local stuff ) 14. eyes or lips 15. witch or fairy 16. opal or diamond 17. butterflies or honeybees 18. macarons or eclairs 19. typewritten or handwritten letters 20. secret garden or secret library 21. rooftop or balcony 22. spicy or mild 23. opera or ballet 24. london or paris 25. vincent van gogh or claude monet 26. denim or leather 27. potions or spells 28. ocean or desert 29. mermaid or siren 30. masquerade ball or cocktail party

tagging: @lilttlebird, @kleopatrar, @ohbiwankenohbi, @helenstroy, @daeneryn

ship tag;

rules: answer these 10 questions and tag 10 people

tagged by:  @hailderek, thanks for tagging me and sorry for taking so long </3

tagging: @hermnione, @lsaks, @ohbiwankenohbi, @lahnister

ultimate otp: mclennon ( the beatles ) i’m sorry man i’m over my ‘shipping real people’ phase but

a ship you’ll always love: joyce x jim ( stranger things )

current obsession: kaz x inej ( six of crows )

a ship you never thought you’d like: kaz x inej ( six of crows ) ironically enough

a ship you liked but don’t like anymore: nancy x jonathan ( stranger things )

a ship you think should be canon: han x lando ( star wars ) i’m sorry but that would be such a power couple? like wow

a canon ship you hate: han x qira & ned x catelyn ( game of thrones )

a ship you’ve been shipping for years: mclennon

a ship everyone loves but you don’t care about: robb x thalisa ( game of thrones )

favourite rarepair: asha x ellaria ( game of thrones ) tho i don’t think this is a rarepair but it’s the only one i could think of

tagged by: @hailderek thank youuuu <3

rules: answer the questions (which you can change if you don’t feel like answering certain questions) and then tag 20 followers you want to get to know better!

1. Nickname? ele /ehleh/ lmao i guess idk how to translate it phonetically tbh

2. Gender? male

3. Star sign? capricorn

4. Height? 1,62/1,63 // around 5′3″ i think

5. Sexuality? bi

6. Hogwarts house? slytherin

7. Favorite animal? dolphins and bees

8. Average hours spent sleeping? 5 hours

9. Dogs or cats? cats but i also love dogs

10. Number of blankets you sleep with? 1 atm

11. What’s your dream trip? greek islands & south america

12. What’s your dream job? writer astronaut rip

13. When did you make this account? two months ago

14. How many followers do you have? 267

15. How many pets do you have? i have a wonderful, fat dog

16. Favourite party theme? idk? any kind of party

17. Favourite ice cream flavor? i don’t like ice cream but pistacchio

18. How often do you read? whenever i can, i try to have reading sessions every week but exams take up most of my time & i often only read at night

19. Favourite study locations? my bedroom, the library haven’t gone there in ages

20. Who do you stan? carrie fisher !!! and carl sagan i’d talk about people who are not dead yet but i used to stan morgan freeman and my heart has been crushed so i’m keeping my mouth shout until i’m sure my faves can’t do bad shit anymore :)

Now tag some of your followers! @kleopatrar, @daeneryn, @lilttlebird, @kleopatrar, @remuslpun

tagged by @remuslpun thank you so much!

rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions // not tagging anyone because i’m sure i’m annoying as hell when i tag y’all in everything

tagging: x

1. coke or pepsi: coke 2. disney or dreamworks: disney 3. coffee or tea: both! 4. books or movies: books i think 5. windows or mac: i’d love to say mac but windows because i haven’t had a mac yet 6. dc or marvel: marvel 7. x-box or playstation: i think playstation bc there are more games i like for it but i don’t really play tbh 8. dragon age or mass effect: w h a t t h e f c u k 9. night owl or early riser: night owl 10. cards or chess: cards i don’t know how to play chess 11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 12. vans or converse: both but vans >>>> 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: what is this ??? what is thsi,,, 14. fluff or angst: BOTH, b o t h, both!!!! 15. beach or forest: forest because dysphoria :) 16. dogs or cats: cats but both tbh 17. clear skies or rain: rain, STORMS, T H U N D E R 18. cooking or eating out: eating out because my cooking skills are reeeeally bad 19. spicy food or mild food: mild food but i also like some spicy? it’s just that i’m way too white so sometimes it gets me fucked up 20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: christmas 21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little too cold 22. if you could have any superpower, what would it be?: body morphing/transformation because of my trans ass :) 23. animation or live action: animation coco come to me 24. paragon or renegade: renegade 25. baths or showers: baths but i shower bc we need to save the planet man 26. team cap or team ironman: team ironman <3 27: fantasy or sci-fi: b o t h 28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they: “if i’m worth something later, i’m worth something know - for wheat is wheat, even if people think it’s a grass in the beginning” - vincent van gogh which is my favourite quote of all time

29. netflix or youtube: youtube bc i don’t have netflix lmao

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: harry potter 31. when you feel accomplished: what :))) is that :)) 32. star wars or star trek: star wars!!!! han my love <3 33. paperback or hardback: hardback because of the aesthetic but paperback because i feel like i’m in the 80s ??? idk 34. horror or rom-com: neither,,, give me cartoons you cowards 35. tv shows or movies: i love both why would you make me choose? 36. spotify or pandora: spotify 37. zootopia or inside out: i haven’t watched zootopia so inside out 38. favourite book: the song of achilles / lord of the flies 39. favourite flower: p o p p i e s 40. what field of study are you in (or aspire to be in): linguistics (spanish & classics) 41. song lyric you really love?: “i wanna get lost in your rock’n’roll and drift away” by dobie gray 42. what’s your MBTI type?: infp but i’ve been told i look more like an enfp 43. fave movie: mulan??? moana??? coco??? how do you dare make me choose 44. favourite tv show(s): i used to love castle and sherlock and right now i’m getting into b99 but my favourite will always be game of thrones sorry not sorry + i watch a lot of spanish original series 45. what fictional world is your favourite? narnia & westeros 46. favourite mythological figure? achilles my heart and icarus

47. who’s your all-time favourite fictional character? tywin lannister, love of my life

48: if you could spend an entire day with a weasley, who would you pick? molly weasley tbh, what kind of question is that

49: what movie or book would you want to be the main character of? asoiaf BUT i don’t want to die i just want to ride dragons

thanks for tagging me! i don’t expect anybody to read up to this point but if you have, i hope you have an amazing day!

[shogunchelios]

Channel Listings

Channel Listings (Click Here to read this with the videos embedded the way it should be.  Warning, it’s in three parts due to the amount of videos I embed. It’s worth it though, trust me.)

Write what you know. That’s the mantra. That’s the advice writers use to get started. When I’ve got the writer’s block going, I repeat the mantra until I can remember what I know. That’s what brought you the sin rankings. From there, I explored Sloth a lot more, by luxuriating in it for a week.

The great irony of sins is that they’re fun as hell. You avoid them so you can go to heaven, right? Then you get to heaven, and what? You’re not allowed to have the maximum amount of fun possible? What kind of eternal paradise is this? All the most enjoyable things we experience, none of that is allowed to be experienced so you can get into this utopia, where...none of that is ever allowed to be experienced?? That’s the long way of me saying, my idea of heaven involves a lot of sin.

The one I’ve thought the most about is, of course, sloth. It was my number one ranked sin for a reason. So if I’ve gone up to heaven, and I’ve got my cloud mancave going, I’m obviously going to have a giant TV. Yes, it’ll have everything on demand, but I’ll be honest. As great as on demand TV is, I still yearn for the days of yesteryear, where you turn on the TV and something is already playing. Then, you press a button to see something else playing, and so on, and so forth. Channel surfing, can you believe that phrase and activity is basically gone now? It’s been replaced by the endless Netflix scroll. You know it’s not as fun.

This is why I’ve come up with my perfect TV channel broadcast schedule. I was trying to program my own channel, with no restrictions since this is supposed to be heaven. The method I use in choosing the shows at their specific time slots is based on a few factors, like nostalgia (childhood all the way through adulthood), but I also think about the standard weekday and what kinds of shows would be on at that time. It can’t be too unrealistic or my cloud mancave would descend into the uncanny valley awfully fast.

Now, without further ado, here is:

The Perfect Cable Channel

4:00 - 5:00 - Mr. Wizard’s World/Planet Earth

You awake in a stupor. You’re not sure where you are or who you are for a bit. Sometimes you’re in bed, sometimes you’re not, but it’s about 4am, and you still have time for a little snooze. Or, maybe you’re a parent and your kid just woke you up and you’re sitting there, trying to get the little fucker to fall back asleep. Who better to help, than the soft sounds of Mr. Wizard’s World.

He was teaching science before Bill Nye had pubes. Mr. Wizard is the OG of making science fun. As fun as it could be back in the late 80’s before adults decided to try to be friends with youngsters. Back then, all adults were united in being curmudgeon around children, perhaps even hitting them if need be, even if they weren’t your own.

Here’s a fun video in case you don’t remember Mr. Wizard: https://www.youtube.com/embed/jM6m9dAIEB8

I added Planet Earth as an alternative, since not everyone had the same great childhood with Nickelodeon playing non-stop on the TV, or up at 4:00am watching it.

5:00-6:00 - Fraggle Rock / Sesame Street / Eureka’s Castle

Still trying to fall asleep. Or perhaps you just woke up now, trying to be a better person by waking up early. Or maybe that damn kid hasn’t fallen asleep yet. Whatever the reason, you’re up at 5:00am and no one wants to be up at 5:00am. The only ones raring to go at 5am are soccer moms and crossfitters. Neither of them are watching TV. You are though. Because you don’t want to be up at 5am. So you turn on the TV to help ease you into the day.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/cxKC3lLhc_w

Real people are way too much to deal with this early. Muppets though? Or puppets? Is muppet only for Muppet brand puppetry? You google that, I’m going to keep going. Bright colors to help your eyes start to adjust, sweet voices to prime your ears for the day, these shows have it all. And if you got a crying kid, well, now you have a babysitter so you can go to the fridge to grab a snack or take a nap on the couch behind the kid as they learn to count.

6:00-7:00 - Morning Show / Weather / News

Now we’re getting to reasonable adult hours. Here’s where most adults getting up, and most kids are falling asleep during summertime hours. What better programming for both types than current events and weather? Kids don’t care, they fall asleep after being up all night watching TV, and adults need something to chit chat about when they get to work. When there’s no friendly morning banter, only your hard, bitter face of resentment over having to work, you get a bad rap. You have to learn to hide that face, like the rest of them. Pretend to be a host of one of these shows. You’ll end up getting promoted.

7:00-8:00 - Saved by the Bell

You go in later in the day. You’re not a part of management yet, and you’ve still got a bright future. Or maybe you woke up and forgot it was your day off. Either way, it’s early, you’re either getting dressed or about to grab a bowl of cereal. Your day brightens up when after a commercial you hear this wonderful theme song:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fSeTiYspNGk

Zack Morris is the Dobie Gillis of the color TV generation. I think Zac Efron probably took the mantle afterwards, except I think he just did TV movies. Whatever, point being, the ideal model of what kind of teenager to be was best shown on Saved by the Bell. Zack was the number one ideal, obviously, because he was the coolest and perhaps the richest, since he had a cell phone. Perhaps the richest, because last-place Screech (RIP) had a robot, which Rocky Balboa could only afford after Rocky III.

Slater was the ideal for anyone with some athletic ability. He was hispanic on the show, but not enough for him to be a hispanic role model. I’d have to wait for Desperado to come out to get one of those. Kelly was the ideal for hot chicks, Jessie the ideal for smart chicks that like meth, and Lisa the ideal for fashion folks.

I related the best to Mr. Belding. Tries his best, but passed over because of a cooler brother.

8:00-9:00 - Wings

Wings doesn’t get nearly enough love from folks. Same for The Drew Carey Show, but one fight at a time. Wings. At this time of day, the more adult oriented shows start to play, but not too adult. They knew kids like me would tune in on sick days or during the summer time when kids never sleep. I remember watching this at my friend Rene’s house while he had breakfast. I’d leave my house at the crack of dawn to go play outside, but before that, we needed some breakfast and Wings was always playing.

Again, though, not enough folks have even heard of Wings. This Family Guy joke is fairly accurate:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9Jqv7TlTtno

9:00-10:00 - Price is Right / Wheel of Fortune / Supermarket Sweep

By this time, if you’re still watching TV, then you’re not going to work or school. That means you’ll need to get your brain some stimulation in a different way. Competing along with the folks on the TV, your brain gets the same kind of workout it would’ve gotten at work. The whole time you watch, you also get to feel superior, because for sure you would’ve gotten that last question right. If only you could be a contestant one day.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/fnTbO26u9bQ

When I was a kid, I called one of those numbers they advertised in commercials so you can play at home. I liked dialing numbers I saw to see if anyone would answer. I would freak out my fellow 7-year olds by dialing all these numbers and suddenly there was a voice, asking them if they were ready to switch brands of deodorant. They’d freak, hang up, and we’d laugh and laugh. The time I called that game show, I hung up, and the fuckers called back! I hung up again and hid under the bed. A few weeks later, my dad had to yell at me because they charged him five bucks, even though I hung up. I definitely learned my lesson.

Only call these numbers from payphones.

10:00-11:00 - Morning Cartoon

Believe it or not, but I have notes for the stuff I write. I try to plan things out, like a real writer would, except about dumb things like this. I mention that because I have ‘Morning Cartoon’ written in this spot here, but knowing that it’d be surprising that I even have notes, not surprising is that I’m not sure what I meant by my note. There’s a few things that spring to mind right away.

First, this is where the morning block of cartoons would end if it were Saturday. From 10:00 to 11:00 is when the worst cartoons were on anyway. That was the signal that things were ending and that it was almost time to go play outside. Stuff like Beakman’s World, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, NBA Inside Stuff. Sure, they’re all fine programs (Beakman is my second favorite science show. That’s right, Bill Nye doesn’t even rank with me, how do you like me now), but they’re not cartoons. So, if this were a Saturday, here’s about the time where you’d be wrapping up your cartoon session. Maybe doing that one quick chore, so you can go outside and play, ‘but mom, look, I even made my bed!’

Otherwise, if this were a weekday, I guess here would be a good spot for a Saturday morning style cartoon. Spiderman, X-Men, maybe, since they had the best theme songs. Getting this one-two combo back to back, this will gear you up for the midday slump in daytime TV.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DZGN9fZvQhc

https://www.youtube.com/embed/sAkL2-vh2Sk

11:00-12:00 12:00-1:00 1:00-2:00 - Classic Cartoons/Sitcoms/Movies

This part of the day is the slowest time for TV. If you’re into daytime talk shows or soap operas, then nevermind, you’re having the time of your life. If you’ve been up for a while and watching TV, here’s about the time where you start looking for something else to do. Or you start thinking of lunch. Or maybe you just woke up now, hungover as hell. Either way, comfort is the way to go here.

Uncle Buck is the best example of a movie to be played around this time. Imagine you’re hungover, and you wipe the crunch out of your eyes as the TV turns on. “I’m Buck Melanoma. I’m Mole-y Russel’s Wart.” Headache or not, you’re going to be smiling.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/xEt5dEOcW0I

The alternative here could be a Looney Tunes marathon, or if you’re not an oldster like me, then maybe some Nicktoons. Sitcoms like Taxi or Who’s the Boss go great here, or, again if you’re not ancient, then you can go with Friends or King of Queens here. Whatever passes the time as you try to recover from that hangover.

2:00-3:00 - Catch-Up Time / Start the binge

You have an extra lunchtime at work today, so you go home and eat. You have the extra time so why not, turn on the TV and enjoy your lunch. If you’re with your spouse, then right now is a good time to watch the rest of that show you were watching the night before. As usual, one of you fell asleep and didn’t see the ending, so here you both watch it, and then you can discuss it afterwards.

If it’s a weekend and you’ve already got your daily errand out of the way, then now would be an ideal time to start on a new binge or to continue the extra long binge you’ve been on.

3:00-4:00 - Game Show

You got out of work early so you get to enjoy a bit of Family Feud or even an early Jeopardy! Maybe it was a slow day, or you’re about to start a three day weekend, but here’s where you can crack open your first beer. You don’t need those qualifiers of course, but they’re good to have when someone wants to call you an alcoholic.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/HeGVeBWECu8

4:00-6:00 - Catch-Up Time / Start the binge

What’s that? I’m repeating myself? Look buddy, I don’t know where you get off telling me how to do my bits, but I’ve had enough of ya. Beat it, and don’t let me catch you around here again. Ok, now that I got rid of that wiseguy, yes, this is a repeat, but that’s because now is when you actually got out of work. Still a good time to catch up on that show from last night, right before you start on dinner.

Not many folks watch TV as soon as they get home from work. Everyone has their own unwinding routine. That’s why I had to repeat this part. If you really want a specific show here, then consider a cartoon that’s aimed at older teens, like Daria, or Gravity Falls/Steven Universe which I haven’t seen, but I hear they’re good. If you’ve had your fill of cartoons, then newer sitcoms like How I Met Your Mother or Seinfeld or The Office.

6:00-7:00 - Sports Pre-Show / New Drama

Depending on the time of year, this is usually when we’re watching the pregame to something or other. If it’s the weekend, maybe it’s the undercard of a fight. During the week, probably football or any other sport you might enjoy is coming up and right now are the highlights and the talking heads.

If it’s spouse TV time, then this is probably when you start your favorite broadcast drama, like Chicago Fire, or Law and Order or This is Us. Perhaps watch the last episode because you forgot what happened because one of y’all fell asleep. All the best stuff starts at 7, so think of this as your appetizer hour.

7:00-8:00 8:00-9:00 - Wrestling / Football / Current Prestige Show / Movie

Date night, Date night. If you got yourself a lady/fella, right now is when you’re watching something that they like. You’re trying to make a move so you want to put them in the right mood. Now’s the time to take care of spousal duties and get through that romantic comedy they’ve been wanting to see.

If you all have been together for a while, then this is when you watch your current favorite prestige TV show. Anything on HBO can qualify here, like Big Little Lies, Mare of Easttown, Game of Thrones. If wifey is out, or if you’re a modern hip couple that does separate activities, this is also when you’re watching football or wrestling.

You demand very little, but watching football and wrestling live are parts of those demands. It doesn’t matter how good the game or show may be, if you’re watching it after it airs, it just doesn’t hit the same level. As much as I try to avoid spoilers, I just can’t help but check my notifications or twitter, and sure enough, there’s the score or the big reveal in wrestling. Once you know who wins the match, no matter how great the match is, the tension is gone. Same with football. The tension is why you’re there. You’re watching this stuff live to get a rush. At this time of night, you’re deciding what kind of night you’re going to have. You need something to match up.

Date night? Romantic movie, some wine, then here comes the smooches, then the snoozes. Single life? Bro movie to get you amped up to go out, like Wolf of Wall Street. Regular domestic night? This is the part of the day where you get your rush. Prestige TV with some murders or lots of t&a like Game of Thrones. It’s all about the rush in this timeslot.

9:00-10:00 - Personal Favorite / Guilty Pleasure show

Around this time, the wife is going to get up to start her bedtime routine, which can take anywhere from half an hour to about an hour and a half. Makeup removal, picking out clothes for the next day, a crapload of creams. Who knows what else they’re up to in that bathroom. So now’s your chance to watch that show that she hates. You know the one, maybe it’s too dirty, or too violent, or too abstract. This could be something like a Cinemax show like Banshee or Strike Back.

If you’re alone, then this is the show you watch because you heard from your friend that it’s good. You want to try something new so now you check it out. It could be something like Letterkenny, or Lupin, or Dave. If you’re with the spouse and they’re not going to bed, maybe you all are living large and are forgoing the sensible bedtime, then respect, my friend, that’s the way to live. Here is where the two of you are watching reality shows like 90 Day Fiance, Married at First Sight, or Real Houswives of Wherever. Yeah, you say you don’t like them, but you can’t help to get invested in these folks.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/iRtbJXNM-aw

10:00-11:00 - Night Show

Folks have jobs and need to wake up early to get ready, so by now, you should be in bed. You’re just watching so you don’t feel so lonely in the dark. That’s why it’s important to have a good friend with you and nowadays, you have so many choices. Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Conan, The Daily Show. They’ll tell you the news, crack a few jokes, give you a funny skit or two. Here’s where you can steal some material to share with the office tomorrow.

Before smart phones and memes, everything would need to be acted out. Part of the fun was the bad impressions and terrible re-telling of jokes from the night before. That’s all gone. Now it’s just ‘did you see that funny bit last night on Conan? Here, watch the video.’ The person watches, laughs politely, hands the phone back, and ask you if you remember the whole Conan vs Jay Leno stuff. You say yes, agree that it was so crazy, then you both go back to your cubicles to wait for the sweet release of death.

11:00-12:00 - Late Show

Still up, huh? I hope you don’t have to work tomorrow, or you’ll be dragging ass when you wake up tomorrow. Oh, you do work tomorrow? Just one more show before bed? Ok, fine. That article you googled says to turn off everything when you’re trying to sleep, but apparently you wake up when you turn off the TV, so you might as well keep it on. You’ll watch with one eye closed so the other eye can get the hint.

To be frank, I lost track of who’s on the Late Show circuit ever since Conan left way back when. Who is it? Seth Meyers? James Corden? But you’re up and you have to watch something. You can’t watch one of your shows and get a jump ahead of your spouse. You can’t watch your guilty pleasure because what if you fall asleep and miss all the important stuff. You have to watch something self-contained but not too challenging so your mind can drift off.

I just hope you’re already drowsy by the time the second guest is coming on.

12:00-1:00 1:00-2:00 - Drunk or High Movie / Commercials

Oh, you’re not drowsy? Just can’t sleep? Been drinking too much caffeine there? Or maybe you just got home from a few after-work cocktails. It’s midnight, you’re up, not too sleepy. Some folks go for illicit substances for the quick fix. Maybe a beer or two, a couple of pills, a joint. Yeah, all the articles you read about sleep say that even though those substances can knock you out, the sleep isn’t genuine so you don’t get full benefit. There might be something to that. I often wake up in the middle of the night after a night of drinking or smoking. I think it’s when my liver is done processing all the junk.

Or you just got home from doing all that and you’re looking for something to watch while you eat a couple pounds of fast food. TV shows aren’t great here because there might be references to things you don’t remember because you’re blasted out of your mind. Movies are the key here. There’s always a great movie playing around this time. Rated R comedies, like Super Troopers, Wedding Crashers, Superbad, Beer Fest, great party movies to watch while intoxicated. If sober, they’re familiar and safe because it’s on Comedy Central and it’s censored.

Be careful the movie you pick here. One time, I couldn’t sleep and stumbled upon a movie about some Mexican American fellas. Oh, someone’s named Miclo, must be that movie everyone references. So I start watching this movie, Blood In, Blood Out, though it was labeled Bound By Honor in the TV Guide. Shit, that movie is 4 freaking hours long! So, find the movie playing on basic cable.

Besides, it’s what’s between the movies that you’re starting to focus on more. Those damn commercials, somehow it’s always when they’re playing that the wife wakes up. She sees sexy college girls that are waiting for my call and turns to me, as if I can control the commercials on the TV, but she doesn’t give a damn. Turn the TV off and go to bed. Ok, jeez, not like I was even paying attention to the commercials.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/kfVA8iSGgDc

2:00-3:00 - History Channel

You tried to sleep, but it’s still not working. You want to put something on that’s safe, so if anyone wakes up, there’s no chance of anything even remotely inappropriate. Even if there’s no one else there, you don’t want to start getting worked up this late at night. Then you’re off on a bender, trying to find some perfect scene to watch while you go to town and then the belt comes out and now you’re dealing with all these new logistics and at this time of night, it’s just too much stimulation.

Nice safe History Channel. Sure, there’s some stuff about aliens on there, but everything is presented in the same way, with lots of big words and names of places and dates. Everything that put you to sleep in school, but now while you lay in your nice comfortable bed. Hopefully soon the sandman comes for you.

3:00-3:30 - Google Deep Dive

The sphinx was constructed around 10,000 BC? No way. I have to get to the bottom of this. Gobleki Tepe? Better check out this YouTube video of when civilization began.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/czgOWmtGVGs

3:30-3:45 - Infomercial

You’re back in bed, it’s so late and you know tomorrow is going to suck. Oh shit, you mean today. You’re not going to get enough rest and you’re going to be so tired at work. Nothing is working. Except turning the TV off, can’t do that and just lay in the dark. That’s when the monsters come.

You would think informercials are great for putting you to sleep, but I always got excited watching them. If I was some sorta rich kid with a credit card, we would’ve had so much crap at home. Ron Popeil was my homeboy and he always had some awesome invention. I think the first one I saw was one I wouldn’t have needed at the time.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/2GeF7A05zQ8

The first one I saw that I pictured myself having was the food dehydrator. I had no idea how it worked though, because I had no idea what that word meant. I would see the contraption, but I couldn’t figure the mechanism. He would lay some meat out on one of the trays, then say he waits a week, then it was jerky. And I’m like ‘HOW?’

https://www.youtube.com/embed/rN1XvTJNrXU

Oh, and don’t get me started on the pasta maker. GREEN pasta?? What?? Yo, don’t even..don’t..Chocolate...CHOCOLATE pasta?? Oh Ron, come on, how can an eight year old kid order one of these?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/j8WMXyXBGpM?start=93

Ron Popeil, the Edison of our time. All these awesome inventions and guess what? It’s never going to cost as much as you think. What? A thousand dollar value? You’ll never pay a thousand dollars. All you’ll ever pay is? FOUR EASY PAYMENTS.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/B0NS44D7MYo

https://www.youtube.com/embed/JHInK-FRD9I

3:45-3:59 - Damn those commercials

Damn it, go grab the belt. Going to have to rub one out to release the sweet sleep chemicals in the brain. Uh oh, be careful, the belt is stuck, you’re going to pass out. It’s getting d..ark...you .. breathe...can’t...almost...there…..breathe..cant..d.

…. .gasp .. .. .. ….a .. .

. ……. gasp. . . .. ……… … . ...r . ….. K… .. ….

*the belt slips off the doorknob. Your body crumples to the floor. Gaaaasp.

You awake in a stupor.