#don’t stan Spence dog

[theywontfindmethistime]

School art project things. We don’t stan my art teacher tho

[beware-of-you-98]

The BAU Watches Twilight

Contrary to popular belief, Jennifer Jareau is not a Twilight stan

She’s just very well aware of current popular culture, okay?

Besides, she only saw the first two movies (and stopped there because New Moon was a total bore and she didn’t want to waste any more time)

(What can she say, the vampire parents were the beginning of her bisexual awakening)

It’s not even JJ that suggests that the team watch the films

It’s Penelope because she’s not going to live her life knowing those books and films exist while Spencer Reid can just prance by in life without being tormented with them too

(And because she is not going to sit by and let baby boy genius live another moment without knowing the most iconic baseball scene in the history of cinema)

Spencer is genuinely curious about the films and what makes them so appealing

Penelope has to bribe Derek and Hotch to watch the movies

(Hotch absolutely caves at her puppy dog eyes)

(Derek gets blackmailed)

Emily refuses at first

JJ already made her sit through one of these awful movies (she stopped watching New Moon after like twenty minutes) so why should she sit through five?

But then JJ gives her the puppy dog face and then whispers something in her ear

Emily immediately agrees afterwards

(Everyone else chooses to ignore the playful gleam in her eyes—they don’t need to know what was promised)

Rossi down right refuses spending what little free time he has watching a cheesy movie series meant for teenagers

But Emily is like “If I’m stuck watching these movies, so are you old man”

They play a round of rock paper scissors to determine what he does

(He loses miserably and has to stay and watch the stupid movies)

(He only caves because Emily brings in some of her most expensive alcohol—she’s so not watching these movies sober)

It’s established early on by Penelope just how problematic and racist the series is at times to prepare everyone before starting the films

Anyway

When the Cullens and Hales are first on screen, Spencer takes one look at Rosalie, turns to Emily and goes “Hey look it’s your type: a hot blonde”

Emily’s quick to point out Emmett and shoot back “Look, it’s your type: a buff himbo”

(Derek’s too impressed with the speed of her comeback that all he can do is laugh instead of being insulted)

He actually likes Emmett—he’s riding standing up in the back of a Jeep, he’s a certified badass in his book

So how can he be offended?

He thinks the baseball scene is the coolest fucking thing

(He totally tries to do the bat thing Jasper does later on at home and breaks his coffee table because he couldn’t catch the bat)

(Hotch has to tell his children [ahem, Emily and Spencer] to behave or he’ll send the moody one after them—he doesn’t care about their names, just their mannerisms)

“What moody one?”

“The one that looks constipated.”

“...The main one?”

“NO! The...scary looking blonde one!”

Emily and Spencer are quiet after that

Until Carlisle comes on screen, then Emily is poking JJ’s side and teasing her like “oooh it’s your boyfriend”

JJ, completely unfazed, just shrugs and goes “the mom’s way hotter anyway”

Emily’s just like “huh, fair point”

(Everyone’s sure they heard Penelope mutter “milf rights” but no one comments on it)

(Besides, let’s be honest, she’s right)

Penelope’s 100% convinced Anna Kendrick just wondered onto the set of the film and just reacted in real time to what was going on

No script, no rehersal, she just was like “oh yeah those weird looking kids lmao here’s the tea—“

Penelope really only watches the film to hear I Caught Myself by Paramore playing in the dress shop

(Before the film, she totally makes everyone watch the music video for Decode too)

The soundtrack for Twilight is unparalleled and she will not stand for it to go unappreciated by her teammates, god dammit!!

Holy shit Spencer is ready to rage about how awful the portrayal of vampires are in the films

“HOW can they live off the blood of animals, huh!?”

“Spence, I don’t know I didn’t write the books—“

“NO, TELL ME HOW THAT MAKES ANY DAMN SENSE, JENNIFER, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T!”

He stands up and throws his hands up in the air out of pure frustration when Edward reveals himself in the sun

“ThIs Is ThE sKiN oF a KiLlEr, BeLlA” SHUT UP EDWARD, YOU GLITTERING SACK OF SHIT!”

“OH AND NOW VAMPIRES ARE VENOMOUS!! BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE!!!”

Spencer is so mad it’s funny lmao

Hotch doesn’t even reprimand him or tell him to chill out either

He’ll let the boy rage all he wants

You know that thing Rossi does when Spencer goes off on one of his nerd tangents??

He places a hand on his chin and his eyes just glaze over like “why did I come back here?”

Yeah, that’s his entire reaction to the film

He’s like “how the fuck did someone write four books about these people, let alone make five films”

He wants to personally shake the actors’ hands and commemorate them for putting up with this garbage series for multiple years

He nearly cheers when the first movie is over

Only to start crying when Penelope pulls out New Moon

to be continued...