#don't ask I'm currently watching gilmore girls for the first time 💀

[maeum-your]

CHAPTER 45 | what's after like? (written)

word count: 5.2k

warnings: short mentions of domestic abuse, substance abuse, alcoholism, almost death, and abuse of power; panic attacks

a/n: i swear there's also lots of fluff 💀

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never in her life did y/n think that she’d end up in jay’s bed one day, engulfed in his warm, bare arms, breath tickling her neck. but oops, i see i’m getting ahead of myself. let’s rewind and go back to the 30th of october, the day of the fated business party.

y/n and ningning were standing in the red haired girl‘s front yard holding hands. y/n tensed up every time a car came down the street. they were waiting for the car.

punctual as ever he arrived at exactly 6:45, just as he had said he would.

ningning pulled her best friend into a tight embrace. “you got this, okay? take a few deep breaths. and if that bitch tries anything give me a call and i‘ll mess her up real good.“

sick to the stomach y/n just nodded, trying to put on a somewhat confident expression but very obviously failing. ningning pushed her towards the street and winked.

“now go! your draddy is waiting.“

jay opened the door of the passenger seat for her and gestured for her to go in. “m‘lady.“

y/n curtsied. “lord farquaad.“

he blinked at her for a second, expressionless, then just walked away without closing the door.

the drive was unbearably awkward. like i-just-caught-you-and-my-mom-doing-the-hanky-panky-on-the-kitchen-table awkward. obviously that‘s not what had happened. for y/n‘s part, she didn‘t know how to talk to him at all now that he had started avoiding her like the pest.

“so…,“ said jay.

“so…,“ echoed y/n.

“you look good tonight.“

“wow, did mr. park forget all the roasts he prepared for tonight or is he just saving them for later?“

“no, i mean it. you do look really nice. not that you don‘t usually look good. i like your usual style. it‘s cute. i mean,“ he started stammering, “objectively your dress is a good length. not too long for the conservative and not too short for the party people. anyone would like the dress. so i do too. yes, since i‘m part of anyone too. and it‘s a nice shade of blue too. the best shade of blue, in my humble opinion. a nice midnight blue.“

y/n stared at him confused. “are you sick?“

“no, i‘m totally fine. why are you asking?“ he cleared his throat and fixed his already fixed tie for the tenth time.

“because you‘re rambling nonsense. god, that was so awkward. why are we always so awkward?“

another not less awkward laugh left his lips. “i guess it needs some time getting used to this whole friend thing.“

oh. yeah. how could she have forgotten that she moved from the enemy zone to the friend zone? so nice. silence overcame the car yet again.

“you look good too,“ she bursted out. he was nice to her, or at least trying to, so she should return the favor. it wasn‘t a lie either. jay always looked like perfection personified but just something about jay in a suit hit different.

their final destination was not too far away. they passed jay‘s neighborhood and entered an even wealthier and fancier one (how that was possible was beyond y/n‘s comprehension). they entered the estate through a gigantic iron gate and then drove through an arrangement of the most beautiful gardens and then parked around the water fountain.

jay, ever the gentleman again, opened the door for her and held out his hand.

“last call. we could still make a run for it if we wanted to.“

she accepted his outstretched hand and got out of the car. “we can do this.“

the place was streaming with hundreds of guests. the pair tried to blend in with the masses, silently hoping to not be discovered by anyone they knew. y/n had never seen that many rich people all in the same spot. it made her realize that no amount of money could buy you a good sense of fashion. jay could probably even make a plastic bag look hot on him but he knew how to dress himself and was just lucky enough to do so with clothes made out of high-quality materials. still, y/n with her $5 dress on sale looked classier than the majority of people inside this mansion.

even jay looked out of place in this room full of rich people. he was completely tensed up and y/n had to pretend that his iron grip on her hand didn‘t hurt a little. he wandered around aimlessly for a bit but then stopped dead in his tracks.

“they‘re right there.“ he nodded in the vague direction of “right there“, which meant by the bar completely covered in gold. “they“ meaning his parents who were in conversation with a tall, brunette woman and a girl with piercing blue eyes.

“you know what? maybe we should just go.“ his voice was shaking slightly.

as they turned around they almost crashed into the chest of a very tall woman. she raised her pink handbag, matching her all-pink outfit, in which sat a tiny chihuahua with a bow tied around its neck.

“oh, jay jay! we‘ve been looking for you. where are you going? your parents are standing right there talking to the gilmores. we all thought that you‘d be engaged to miss rory by now since your families are so close but you never seemed to show any interest in girls.“ she paused for a moment, lost in distant thought. “we would have all supported you if you were gay but alas, i hear you‘ve finally found yourself a girlfriend. you must be y/n.“ she shook her hand with passionate enthusiasm. “i have heard all about you, of course. which isn‘t a lot, i have to admit. seems like this boy wanted to keep you all to himself, eh? not even telling her own mother about you. she was ecstatic at the news. her little boy finally in love. and now go introduce her to your parents, jay.“ she shooed them away and they had no choice but to walk towards the golden bar.

the woman, whose name y/n still didn‘t know, gave jay‘s mother a kiss on both cheeks.

“ah, darling jiyoung. how are you doing? your son got lost looking for you so i brought them here. do you see how beautiful a girl jongseong has picked out?“

“indeed!“ exclaimed mrs. park.

y/n held out her hand but mrs. park shook her head. “what nonsense, my dear. come here.“

she was pulled into a spine crushing hug. her sweet perfume infiltrated her nose and the hair of the fur collar was tickling her nostrils. how long had it been since she had last been hugged like this by her own mother? it felt nice in spite of the sensory issues and the fact that the hugger was her fake boyfriend‘s mom whom she just met for the first time.

“welcome to the family, honey. i‘m quite enraged that jay has been hiding such a gem from us for this long. he‘s so mysterious when it comes to you but the burning blush on his face whenever your name is mentioned tells me everything i need to know. i can‘t wait to get to know you better. i‘ll see to have a private dinner arranged for just us.“

overwhelmed but thankful with all the kindness she was being shown y/n smiled warmly.

“that sounds lovely. it‘s so nice to finally meet you, mrs. park.“

she looked almost offended. “my dear, no need for these kind of formalities. please just call me jiyoung! oh, and i almost forgot: this is james, my loving husband“

the stern-looking man by her side had not uttered a single syllable since they had arrived but had been attentively watching her with furrowed eyebrows. he eventually held out his hand for her to shake and then his lips formed into a smile.

“i see that my son and the company seem to be in good hands. it’s lovely to meet the girl who has warmed our son’s heart. for a while i feared he‘d be alone forever. seems like he was just waiting for you.“

the task of not getting even more delusional than usual was becoming harder and harder. y/n was on the verge of pulling up twitter to scream on her private account but the urge to make a lasting good impression ultimately won.

then the friendly grilling began. about her aspirations for the future, her hobbies, any allergies, her opinion on hugging trees, and so on. she tried to be as honest and open as possible but she steered away from the topic when the question about her parents came up.

“so, y/n, what is it about my jongseong that you love so much?“

“mom!“ said jay full of indignation. “can you please not?“

“what? i only want to know how you charmed this young lady.“

y/n squeezed his hand to tell him it was alright.

“there are many reasons why i lo–“ she realized what she was saying and dragged out the vowel for a second longer, “–iiike him. first, he is incredibly smart and passionate about the things he loves. his heart burns for the pursuit of knowledge and that‘s why he is so well read too. even if the only books he‘s ever read would be the harry potter saga then that would have been entirely enough to win me over. but he has so much more to offer still. he is also kind and compassionate, even if he might not show it all of the time but it really does shine through and–“ she choked up unwilling, suddenly overcome by emotions she hadn��t realized had been there, “i‘m so incredibly thankful for his presence in my life. he makes me feel precious and loved and every day i wake up wondering how i could ever repay him.“

her eyes were fixed to the floor, trying very hard to look anywhere but into his or his parents‘ eyes. jay‘s grip on her hand had tightened impossibly more during her little speech so at this point there was barely any blood flowing to her hand anymore. but she‘d never tell him to let go.

jiyoung wiped a little tear from her eyes. “that was beautiful.“

yes, and now can we forget about it, y/n thought?

“jongseong. y/n,“ came a very unwelcome voice from behind them. she had been hoping for a distraction and that‘s exactly what she got.

“lia,“ muttered jay through gritted teeth.

lia was approaching them with a triumphant smile on her face, her high ponytail wagging from side to side as she strut towards them.

“i see you finally met your boyfriend‘s parents, y/n? isn‘t she such a sweetheart, jiyoung?“ she cooed.

she pinched y/n‘s cheeks and casually put her arm around her shoulder as her body stiffened. send help, seemed to scream her eyes as she looked at jay.

“now, now, jisu.“ a hand appeared on lia‘s shoulder and tore her off y/n. “what did i say about personal space?“ it was a man in a well-tailored dark green suit. y/n froze.

“i told you not to call me that,“ grumbled lia.

“what, your name?“ he laughed. “don‘t be silly.“

his eyes flickered towards y/n who had grown pale as a sheet.

“i know jay, of course, but would you mind introducing me to your young friend here?“

“dad,“ y/n whispered.

“hmm, dad is a very interesting name indeed,“ he mused.

lia‘s eyes were widened in shock. “what did you just say?“

“you can‘t even recognize your own daughter? wow, i shouldn‘t be as surprised as i am right now. maybe if you had stayed to see your kids for longer than just kindergarten then you would know who i am.“ y/n‘s fingernails were digging into her palms.

realization dawned on his face. “y/m.“

“it‘s y/n, you scumbag,“ she hissed. “but I wouldn‘t expect you to know.“

“hope your mother’s doing well.“ he could shove is fake sympathy up his ass for all y/n cared.

“thanks to you no one is doing well. i hope you’re happy.“ the last words came out choked as tears welled up in her eyes.

he stepped closer with open arms.

“don’t touch me,“ she yelled. “don’t act like you care. you’re not my father.“

she stormed off. it was too much. seeing her father and him acting like he hadn’t ruined her life. y/n was trying to find the damn exit to this place but with the masses of people swarming about and the tears swimming in her eyes it was hard to see. she could hear jay calling her name as she made her way through the mansion.

she mumbled half-hearted apologies as she bumped into people. the room was spinning and no matter how many times she gasped for air, her lungs couldn’t get enough. she finally saw the golden-adorned door and made a run for it, stumbling her way towards it, but not even fresh air and the newfound space could make the aching in her heart stop.

taking the car was not an option so she opted to run further into the grounds where the woods were. she ran as far as her lungs would allow but they were burning and everything was spinning. she didn‘t get far before collapsing by a tree, dark spots dancing in front of her eyes.

she let out a wallowing sound, clawing at her chest.

“y/n?“ the girl didn‘t look up. breathing got harder with every breath she tried to take. she felt like she had been thrust into the atmosphere of an entire new planet.

jay knelt down in front of her on the dirty, muddy ground.

“look at me.“

she shook her head.

“look at me.“ he repeated firmly. her eyes met his. through the panic she barely registered the mix of fury, worry, and sadness meeting in his eyes. he gently took her hands in his.

“try to breathe with me. you can do it. ready? inhale,“ he took a deep breath, “and exhale.“ he breathed out. y/n tried to copy him but her breathing was too sporadic and she couldn‘t get it under control.

after a couple more attempts he asked her to close her eyes. at this point she was so dizzy that she followed him without question.

he guided her hands to his stomach where he placed them. he repeated the same mantra, only now could she also feel the way his stomach expanded and contracted with every breath.

jay was patient. it took around ten minutes for y/n‘s breathing to start resembling a pattern again. jay was drawing circles on her hands throughout the entire process. his fingers were slightly trembling. she slipped her hand out of his.

“y/n…“

“no. closer, please.“ the desperation in her voice made his heart ache. without question he engulfed her into a secure hug and she clung on for dear life.

they stayed like this, him stroking her back, as their breathing finally started to sync.

“i know you probably don‘t but if you want to talk about what happened then please go ahead. i‘m here to listen.“

y/n bit her bloody lip from chewing on it too much and finally remove herself from his embrace. it was jay they were talking about here. her enemy. her fake boyfriend. the guy who had looked down upon her for years. jay… who had run after her and helped her through a panic attack. jay who had let her cry for hours on his shoulder, ruining his white shirt with her tears and his dress pants in the mud. jay.

“my dad never married my mom,“ she started. “she was hired to clean his house. he is or he used to be, i don‘t really know, a powerful, stinking rich CEO who didn‘t have to pick his own nose because he could always hire someone to do it for him. my mom grew up poor and took on various jobs for money. she was hired at his house to do the cleaning but then when he started touching her, promising a higher pay, who was she to say no? he was also apparently quite handsome and charming in his earlier years so she was infatuated with him anyway. she inevitably became pregnant. she told him the news, secretly hoping he would care enough for her or at least for the baby. instead, he made her sign a contract to keep silent and to never come near him again. in exchange she received an envelope with a little bit of money.

“so my mother was left with me and barely any money to cover the costs piling up. we got evicted as she couldn‘t pay the rent so we were homeless for a while. a mother and her 10 month old child living on the street. it was an especially harsh winter and i got very sick. we had been sleeping under bridges and in tunnels and were unable to escape the cold winds of the season. a dangerous fever seized me and i almost died. my mother went to the only place she knew to call for help, setting aside her pride and the contract she had signed. my father was close to turning her away but not even his stone cold heart could have a baby‘s death on its conscience. he caved in and paid for all the medical expenses and i was able to recover.

“he let her stay, taking care of financial matters while she continued to clean his house in return. my mom got pregnant again and nine months later jung– my brother was born. he didn‘t send her away the second time. he might have not been very present in our lives but i still grew up with memories of him pushing me on the swing or dressing up my infant brother in suit and tie. i thought we were happy. turns out life would have been a lot easier if i had just died that winter.

“before I even started elementary school, he kicked us out. said that he found out he had another daughter and it‘s pretty obvious that he had sorted out his priorities. he kicked us out without notice, just told my mom that he had arranged a job position for her and had bought a small house for us to live in. we were not to contact him or his family ever again. i never expected that i‘d one day i‘d just run into him.“

jay made a thoughtful humming sound. “i think i get it now. your hatred for rich people. why you hate me.“

“i don‘t hate you.“

“but you did. i never knew what i had done. we got along really well the first few days of freshman year and all of a sudden you started treating me differently. your words were filled with venom every time i tried to talk to you. i was sad. i really wanted to be your friend.“

“i never hated you, i think. at least not really. i hated what you stood for and i guess i was in a way scared of you. i now see that i was stupid. you’re so much more than the status you were born into. the little speech i gave to your mother about why i like you so much? none of it was a lie. i meant every last word. you would never do the things my father so easily did.“

he placed his hands on her shoulders. “never. i swear to all that i love. i‘m not like that man and i will never be. okay?“ his voice had a desperate ring to it, like he needed her to really see him.

she nodded.

“what happened next? to you and your mother?“

the girl sighed and looked away. “my mom started blaming us. if only we had been better children, more lovable, more classy, more intelligent, he would never have left her. she started drinking and getting warnings from work. they were very patient with her, after all they were doing my dad a favor but even that patience had its limit. she lost her job and tried to take on smaller shifts as a cashier but she would either fail to show up or would come completely intoxicated. no one wanted to have her for more than a couple of days and eventually she just gave up. when she‘s not getting drunk at a bar now she‘s busy spending the rest of our money on quick drugs. all you can do is hope that your sleeping is convincing enough when she comes home so she doesn‘t get you.“

“get you? does she–“ y/n nodded before he could finish. she couldn‘t bare to hear it said out loud.

“it‘s not too bad. i mean, i‘ve learned to deal with it even though i would of course rather avoid it. better me than my brother. i know what you‘re thinking. that i‘m a terrible person to not have called the police or child services on her. i beat myself up every single day. i want to keep my brother save but what would happen if he‘s taken away? i‘m almost of age so he wouldn‘t be allowed to stay with me. and you know how the system operates. it would ruin his life. and some days i– i actually manage to feel pity for my mother. she made life a living hell but at least she stayed. if it hadn‘t been for him…“

jay wiped away a tear that was sliding down her face, gently caressing her cheek in the process. “i understand. he really screwed you over, huh?“

a dull chuckle left her lips. “you could say that. lia being this messed up makes a lot of sense now. i still can‘t believe that she‘s supposed to be my half sister. maybe we‘re more similar than I thought.“

jay‘s hand now moved to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ears. “you‘re not messed up. you‘re not a burden either. what you are is special and loving and kind and smart and funny. you are an enrichment to all of our lives. your brother‘s. sunoo‘s. chaeryeong‘s. ningning‘s. jimin‘s. heeseung‘s.“

he glanced at her lips.

“mine.“

y/n was reminded of something.

“since we’re already being honest with each other can i ask you a question?“

“anything,“ he whispered.

“why didn’t you kiss me?“

jay was thrust out of his spell. “what?“

“that day after our first fake date. correct me if i’m wrong but we almost kissed but then you just scadoodled away and things have been so incredibly awkward since. is it– is it because there is someone that you like?“

a soft smile played on his lips. “yeah, there is someone i like so very much and for that reason i couldn’t do it. she has been all i can think about recently. no, that’s a lie. i’ve liked her since the very first day we met.“

y/n tried to swallow but her throat had all dried up, doing her best to ignore the way her heart clenched.

“she is a very lucky girl then to have your attention. why don’t you tell her?“

“i just did.“

“no, silly. i mean the girl you–“ she paused, her eyebrows furrowed.

“oh.“ realization hit her like a truck. “hold on. let’s unpack that for a second. i still think this is some sick joke or something but if you were hypothetically telling the truth then i still don’t get why you couldn’t kiss me.“

“not hypothetically but being very honest, i have to admit that i felt so ashamed after what had happened at sunghoon’s party. i’m aware that you reciprocated the kiss but still, i should not have kissed you. i didn’t have my emotions under control and just took your first kiss like that. it should have been romantic and enjoyable. with someone who would ask you first if it was okay and you would actually like that someone. you didn’t want to talk to me at all afterwards. i thought you hated me, at least more than usual, and i couldn’t bare to repeat the same mistake. i wasn’t aware you wanted me to kiss you that night of the date. i was too scared of my own feelings for you to realize.“

“so he’s a gentleman,“ y/n teased. “didn’t want to give the girl he liked a goodbye peck on the lips after almost swallowing her whole in a basement.“

he cringed. “don’t say it like that but… basically, ehm, i guess that’s pretty accurate?“

“so you really do like me?“ she asked, still thinking she must have hit her head earlier.

“very much so.“

“are you sure?“

“a hundred percent.“

“positive?“

“not for much longer if you keep on doubting me,“ he huffed.

“okay, okay. just one more question: when you say “like“ do you mean it in a romantic way or just platonically? like you would love your bro?“

“in a way that makes my heart beat faster whenever i see you smile and suddenly i make it my mission in life to make you happy.“

“soo,“ she began, “if i asked you to kiss me right now because that would make me incredibly happy you would grant my wish?“

��with pleasure. but if this is a real question than i need you to answer one of my own too. do you have feelings for me too?“

“oh honey,“ she laughed, “you should see my private account i made in freshman year for the sole purpose of having a place to scream about how awesome you are and how much of a crush i had on you. the same account has recently been revived for the same purposes. my friends really do hate me now. i hope that answers your question.“

he grinned, obviously satisfied. “it does. but i want you to say it.“

y/n shot him a reproachful look.

“i like you, okay? in a way that has you as my first thought when i wake up and the last when i fall asleep. in that i never want to hurt you again and that i would sell my soul to have great conversation with you while cooking together.“

jay pulled her onto his lap and her arms automatically wrapped around his neck as his hands found their place on her hips. they sat so close, the tips of their noses barely touching.

“may i kiss you?“ he breathed against her lips.

“please.“

his lips were soft and moving gently as he pressed them on hers. it was nothing like the kiss they had shared in the basement, which had been full of confusing emotions and impatience. this one was unhurried and slow. it was their souls finally making peace and uniting.

the kiss didn’t last all too long. both smiled as they exchanged short, sweet kisses, barely containing themselves from giggling like little kids.

he leaned his forehead against hers. “is it too early to ask you if i can be your boyfriend?“

“only if it’s too early for me to say yes.“

jay closed his eyes. “stay over tonight.“

“wow, wow, wow, there, mister. moving a bit fast now, are we?“ she nudged him playfully.

ignoring her remark with a roll of his eyes he cupped her face in his hands. “i don’t want you to go back to that house. not ever again. i want to be sure that wherever you are you‘re save and loved. so please don‘t go,“ he pleaded earnestly.

“okay,“ she whispered. “but only for tonight. i can‘t leave my brother there all by himself.“

“we‘ll get him out of there too,“ jay promised.

that made her remember a very important fact that she had tried to push to the back of her mind.

“ehm, jay?“ he hummed. “you remember my brother?“

“jungwon? yeah. we‘re pretty well acquainted.“

“exactly! you see– wait a damn minute. did you just say jungwon?“

“i figured you were finally fessing up so i thought i would make it easier for you.“

“you– you– i‘m absolutely flabbergasted.“ she scoffed. “you knew?? and never said a word? how on earth did you even find out?“

he scratched the back of his head, a sheepish smile playing on his lips.

“jungwon would always draw this cat sitting on a cloud with the moon in the background and a tiny little fish swimming around. i know for a fact that he designed it himself – he was very proud of it – and i couldn‘t help but notice you had the very same cat drawn on your cast (which, by the way, is a whole other conversation for another day) which made me suspicious. further hints just proved my theory. i‘m so sorry but it would have been impossible to ignore all the times you, him, and your friends almost slipped up. and him as stephanie from lazy town was the final proof i needed. truly uncanny.“

y/n hummed, completely lost in his eyes. “do that again. that was really sexy.“

“i was just talking?“

“exactly. casually proving you‘re smarter and way more observant than everyone else. kinda makes me want to relive the basement scenario.“

she overdramatically bit her lip and wiggled her eyebrows at him but all she got back was a light smack on the arm.

“but wait! so you‘re not mad then?“

y/n had always thought jay would be furious once he found out but she felt like something didn‘t add up now.

he furrowed his eyebrows. “of course not. why would I be? i love jungwon and i lo–iiiiike you too. two in one.“

she made a face. “don‘t even think about dating my brother. but… i don‘t know. i just thought that since you hated me you would kick him off the team the second you found out but as i‘m talking i realize my error because you never actually hated me.“ she sighed. “i can‘t believe i was so wrong about you.“

she snuggled closer to him, burying her face in his shoulders.

“i‘m so sorry. for everything.“

he started lightly rubbing her back with one hand. “it‘s okay. there really is nothing to apologize for. we were both dickheads at times. but look at us now! we learned and grew us people. besides, i wouldn‘t have it any other way if that meant i wouldn‘t get to hold you in my arms now.“

that sounded nice. feeling save and protected was an incredible feeling. it‘s been so very long. y/n suddenly realized just how tired she was. she was completely spent from crying and all the drama and confessions of the evening that she almost fell asleep right here and there.

“come on, sleepyhead. let‘s get you home.“

and take her home he did. to his. to theirs.

they didn‘t let go of each other throughout the entire night. it was the first time in a while that both of them were welcomed by peaceful dreams.

a/n: if you're reading this you're hereby legally obliged to tell me what you think!! did we expect this at all? i had this planned since the beginning so writing it felt kind of scary since that would mean we've almost reached the end. but I had so much fun writing this so I would really appreciate it if you could share your thoughts with me <3

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masterlist

summary: y/n hates rich people and park jongseong is no exception. they have been academic rivals since freshman year (which he doesn't like to acknowledge) and always argue about the dumbest of things. but what happens when y/n's brother jungwon joins the dance team led by jay and their friend groups begin to mingle?

taglist 1:

@sophiko22 @missmadwoman @jungwons-rat @msxflower @minato-ariato @person-standing @blessed-sky @honeyhuii @yaeluvz @jaywonlix @nar-nia @bekah931215 @sirephines @revemixer @jjhmk @heelariously @ddeonuism @fylithia @dxlicateee @acciomylove @kyleeanne @solitxre @strwbryparfait @beibybtch @tomorrowbymoa-together @vantxx95 @sunshineshouchan @winter-berries @lilacboba @chewnotgyu @chaeflms @wondering-out-loud @wonniesimp @dinosdance @3ggieyolk @sunbokie @sadmusiclovs @zhaixiaowen @seollyeong @staerrymariam @sol123recs @bigtoewinwin @enhasengene @centheodd @joti17 @soobin-chois @jungwonswifex @sweetjaemss @indelicate-macalino @chiyuv