#don't mind me i'm just pondering. squirreling things away

[teekays]

kent russell, Fighting With Their Fists to Put a Period in a Basket

[whatib]

My Happiness Part I

I'm 58 years old, and I've never earned more than $42k a year. My sister and I grew up in "the apartments" with our alcoholic mother, whereas all of our schoolmates had big houses with big families. I couldn't wait to get out and be successful, and travel the world like George Bailey. I left home and never looked back. Had a total blast at college in the 80s, living in Daytona Beach. I was a draftsman for a steel company, then I worked in the airline industry for a dozen years. I've been around the world, from Hong Kong to New York and basically everywhere in between. I've visited the Eiffel Tower, Amsterdam, Scotland, pyramids of Mexico, Hawaii, Buckingham Palace, 46 of 50 states, Grand Canyon, Niagara falls, Mt. Rushmore, the Masters, the British Open, and I cherish every memory. I used to want a Ferrari when I was 11 years old, then I finally drove one at 142mph at Palm Beach raceway and I've never wanted to drive in a Ferrari again. It was fun, and that was that. Today I own a tiny software company and still earn about 42k a year, but I'm grateful for everything I have and every day I wake up. I reached what I call "bird level" about 8 years ago, where I learned the joy of feeding the birds and the squirrels. I learned that for the most part, people are cancer. As soon as you have to speak to someone your heart rate goes up, and stress increases. Not everyone believes that, but I read the bio of a Nat Geo photographer, he said he disliked people and was always in search of Mother Nature, he felt happy being alone. I feel just like him. I feel terrible for people that get ill when they're lonely. The more I avoid people the younger I feel. I look and feel at least 10 years younger than just about every person I went to school with in New Jersey. (it's rough up there)Everyone I know is super stressed by what's happening in the world, and in their families, work, neighbors, it's an endless soap opera of stress. I enjoy meeting new people, conversing at the lounge overlooking the crowd on the beach, but as soon as I get away I'm in paradise. I feel like I'm in my own Universe. I'm just watching everything happen, and I feel "outside" of the program. Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoy interacting with people, but I seem to have 8 personalities inside me. We laugh, cry, and do everything I would do with "real people" and we even insult and make fun of each other. But when I run into people causing havoc in my life I get disappointed with people again and go back into my shell, taking bike rides to the beach, or to a new unknown destination. I prefer to think about the Universe, and just ponder Life and experiences, the moon rises, and sunsets. There's so much to think about. Friends are over rated. (most of them will stab you in the back over the course of your life, so beware) I had Me all along, and I was the only one there for myself, I was the only one that pushed myself, I made all of the decisions, and did all the work. When it comes down to it, you control your Life. You will make your Life into whatever it becomes. Every morning when I wake up laughing and say "You did it again you knucklehead! You're alive another day! How? I don't know! But we're here, let's have fun!" Every day is a week for me, a week is a month, a month feels like a year. I'm 58 years old yet I feel like I've lived for a century already. Somehow I accidentally learned how to be aware, observe the moment? That kind of thing will make minutes feel like hours. Oh yeah it's that crazy mindfulness thing they all keep talking about. That will make a day feel like a year if you're mindful. There's so much going on around you, 24/7/365. So much to notice, so much to see, so much to hear, smell, taste and touch. Most people are rushing through every day to get to the next "big thing" that they don't even know what they're doing. I found paradise, but paradise is different for everyone.

[moon-stars01]

Screaming Colors

Minghao x Reader

Author:chimout

Summary:She watches him as he obliviously paints an evening sky he has never seen, and decides that he is the most beautiful art she has ever seen.

Gene:blind Minghao,fluffy fluff,art student au,high school au,cute,photography

Rating:General Audiences

•Screaming Colors•

He is standing there, his eyes clouded over, unfocused gaze wavering through the air. His hands are in his pockets, his dog's tight leash wrapped firmly in his grasp, and she wonders how such a beautiful and stunning person could even manage to exist. Her heart thumps in her chest as her breathing stops short, and she watches as he reaches down to pet the dog, his eyes still skimming over the busy trail in front of him. And, as the scene traps her in a boundless vortex, her fingers reach for her camera, and snaps the moment into a single frame.

Her first shot of him was in art class; he sat two seats away, a dazed gaze always flitting off into some unbound space she could not comprehend. His focus never seemed to stay fixed, and she can still remember their teacher's desperate voice as they tried to gather his attention back towards the matter at hand. But his gaze continued to stray towards some unknown abyss, and she wondered what he was dreaming of, because his photography and graphic designs could never tell her so much. They were blurry and insignificant, earning him questionable grades, and she wondered why the boy was in such an advanced class in the first place. He never seemed to truly care about his subject; the matter was always a sort of point and shoot, and the lack of thought was maddening on her behalf.

She never toyed with the idea that he is, most probably, blind, until one day she saw him in the art room alone, his hands coated in dry paint, pools of liquid spilling onto the floor below as a canvas screaming with curious colours stood in awe in front of him. There were no brushes lying about; he had painted the masterpiece with his own two hands.

And his gaze was still aimed at the sky.

Her curiosity only grew steadily from then on. Quietly, she'd follow him, watching him from the corner of her eyes as he dipped his fingers into red and blue and yellow, and allowed his fingers to dance across white sheets as they painted the evening sky. And the more curious she becomes, the more her heart speeds at the mere sight of his breathtaking form.

She watches him as he turns towards the sound of her camera, the dog beside him merely panting in recognition as it barks softly at the scurrying squirrels around them, excitement splurging in vivid pace. He tilts his head in confusion, his eyebrows digging deeper into the bridge of his nose, the haunting blank stare now somehow focused on her. "Is anybody there?"

A small breath escapes her nose as she presses her lips together, unsure whether to reveal her ghostly presence. She stares at the camera in her hands, her fingers shyly skimming through past pictures she took of him; her mouth aches to share words with the model she has long admired.

"Hi," she whispers, and she is unsure if he could hear her until she sees his frown lessen. "Sorry for scaring you."

"Do I know you?" he asks, and her heart is thumping because she wishes he would somehow recognise her. But she barely speaks in class, and she has yet to hold a conversation with him, and she finds it impossible that he would somehow find familiarity in her voice unless—

"You feel familiar."

She freezes and swallows softly as he elicits an awkward laugh, his hand finding the back of his neck almost instinctively, and the dog beside him whimpers and the sudden tug. "Sorry, that may have sounded strange. I mean, it feels like we've met before."

That much is true; he is as much of a stranger as she is to him, despite the lingering watch she keeps on him. She ponders upon her words, trying to hide the stalkerish secret she keeps. "We haven't met before. . . but we do share a class."

"You're the one who keeps taking pictures of me!" She freezes, and she finds him grinning, a blush on his cheeks as his stare seemed to wander away from her figure and towards the nature around them. "I was wondering who my personal photographer was."

"I—I'm sorry—"

He blushes deeper, and the shade of red against his cheeks is the most beautiful shade she's ever seen. "It's alright. It's actually quite flattering. I'm Minghao. I don't think I've caught your name."

"Y/n," she replies instinctively, and her fingers ache to capture the smile he directs at her. "You're a really great artist, by the way." This time, her cheeks are the ones wearing crimson hues. "Your paintings—they're remarkable."

"I've never seen them for myself." He wears a coy smile, as though there is a joke that only he and he alone could understand. "As you can see, I'm blind."

She smiles shyly back, silently musing over his subtle pun. "Um, yeah. I didn't realise when I first noticed you."

He cocks an eyebrow. "My photographs weren't obvious clues? Either they somehow all came out really good, or you suck as a photographer."

A laughter escapes her before she could stop it, and she sees him smiling wider at the sound. "No, they were really horrible. I just thought—I don't know—that you maybe had a lack of interest in the arts."

"Art is my favourite subject, actually," he corrects, and leans down to pet his guide dog that has been obediently quiet ever since the chattering animals around them disappeared. "But I can't do anything with things I can't touch. Which is why painting is my favourite medium."

"Because your hands are your brushes," she realises, and he nods, his fingers dancing on his thighs. "You can feel where the colours go just by touching the canvas."

He laughs, and it sounds almost nervous and shy, as though this is the longest conversation he has held with a complete stranger. She doesn't blame him; her chest is aching by now, and her mind is still having trouble grasping at the fact the conversation is even reality. The whole scenario simply seems somehow surreal in both their eyes.

"Kind of. I can roughly imagine the image I'm painting, but I can't actually see the colours. I usually dip my hands in some paint and hope the colours come out alright. Usually, my friends would tease me because I'm painting the sky yellow and the sun black." His face is red as though the confession is a crime, and she is astounded by his obvious luck and talent as she remembers the first evening sky she ever saw him paint.

The question slips before she could even consider it: "What if I described the colours to you?"

He chuckles. "My friends have tried, trust me. They just go, 'Yellow is the sun, and black is dark.' Which is nice of them, but it doesn't help much, since I've never seen the sun and everything looks dark to me."

She laughs. "Well, they are right. The sun is yellow, and black is dark, but yellow is also the colour of warmth, that fuzzy feeling when you laugh so much your stomach hurts, when the world suddenly seems so bright. And then black is that feeling when you're really sad and everything just seem so out of reach, like you're falling into an abyss that you can't escape. It's the colour of depression."

"You're better at this than they are," he says, and she laughs again, and he smiles suddenly, his face glowing gold. "Your laughter sounds like yellow to me."

"Is that how'd you paint me?"

"A giant blob of yellow on a blank canvas," he agrees, chuckling softly in amusement as his dull irises sparkle in new life. "You could start helping me paint from now on."

"Yeah?"

"As long you stop taking pictures of me when I'm unaware," he compromises. "I swear those pictures must be really embarrassing."

"Actually, you look quite charming in them."

He smiles. "What colour am I, then?"

She ponders silently as she watches the white clouds float past, the butterflies in her stomach finally settling somewhere deep. "You're a multitude of colours, Minghao," she decides, and she could feel his smile stretching, her answer obviously pleasing him. "You're yellow and black and everything in between. You're screaming with colours."

[starry-eyed-skz]

My Sweet Guardian Angel ~ Felix Lee

A/n- Finally after MONTHS, part two of My Ghost Best Friend is here! If you haven't read part one please make sure to do so to understand what's going on haha

Summary: Things were never really the same for Y/n after her best friend left. She tried for weeks, months to become her old self again but nothing really worked. Nothing sparked her hope until she picked up a comforting item from below her feet.

Word Count: 1.6k

masterlist

♥♦♥

~~~Y/n's POV~~~

My fingers drum silently against my desk as I pay attention to the board, writing down notes every now and then when super important information was displayed. I slowly start spacing out and my eyes drift to the window, blankly staring out it. My body feels uncomfortably hot in the non air conditioned room. One of the windows in the back is open and the muggy air from outside has been mingling in the lecture hall, making my body feel sticky. I feel a somewhat familiar cold presence wrap around me, my body instantly cooling down. The feeling brings me back to when Felix and I would cuddle on my couch or in my bed on summer nights, his naturally cold body temperature keeping me nice and cool even from the close proximity.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes as the memories flood back in a wave, my heart aching when I close my eyes and see his bright smile embedded on the back of my eyelids. Felix brought so much joy to my life for that half a year only for it to be ripped away and replaced with gloom in less than a second. I'm snapped out of my recollection moment when a loud smacking noise echoes through the room. My eyes meet those of my professor with nothing but fear in them, his stern expression making me shrink back in my seat. "Ms. Y/l/n I would pay attention in my lecture if I were you. Unless you don't value your own major you picked." My professor's tone holds no remorse for his words, knowing I won't say much since I've become the quietest student he has.

"Y-yes Mr. Kim.. Sorry Mr. Kim." I apologize silently and look down, not wanting to meet his harsh gaze any longer. "Just go home." My heart drops in my chest at his words, my head snapping up to meet his eyes again. "What..?" My voice slightly cracks, my nerves all on edge. "Go back to your apartment. You're dismissed from your lectures today seeing as you can't even pay attention for 5 minutes." He sneers at me and I can only silently nod, my face heating up in utter embarrassment. The only sound that fills my ears as I quickly pack my bag is the laughter reverberating off the walls of the classroom. Tears start falling down my face as I jump out of my chair and rush out of the door.

I stop and look around at my surroundings, the trees swaying slightly in the not so cooling breeze. I feel a sudden gust of cold air around me making me gasp and look around to try and see where it came from. I look down at my feet and see a white feather fluttering to the ground. "What in the.." I crouch down and pick it up, gently running my fingertips over the delicate edges. It isn't like any bird feather I've seen before.. I ponder for a second longer before standing up and removing one of my backpack straps from my shoulder. I unzip the pocket and gently place the feather inside, making sure nothing will crush it.

After my bag is zipped up again, I decide to leave my bag hanging on one shoulder and start my walk back to my apartment once again. For some reason, I can't help but feel a pair of eyes on me. I shrug off the feeling and just continue walking, wanting to be back in my apartment as soon as possible.

~~~The Next Day; Y/n's POV~~~

I wake up from a light vibration sound from beside my bed, confusion sparking in my mind. I look at the time and see that it's almost 9:30, making me inwardly groan. I don't have classes today so why must I still be woken up early? I check the notification with a small scowl on my face until I see who it was from, a smile lighting up my face.

Squirrel Sung☺💫 Heyyyy Y/n!😊

I smile slightly as my fingers tap against the screen to type my reply to my best friend.

A yawn slips passed my lips as I place my phone back on my bedside table. I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep. Just before I'm about to fade back into slumber, a loud crash comes from the living room. My eyes quickly shoot back open and I sit up in bed, pure confusion in my mind. What the fuck? I pull the covers off my body and instantly get off my bed. I cringe as my feet touch the cold floor but just brush it off, walking to the living room.

Huh? "No one's here..?" My head tilts to the side in confusion as I walk further into the room. I notice a cluttered pile of books on the floor that I didn't leave there, most likely the source of the crash. How did those even fall? I shake my head and walk over to pick them up, something catching my attention.

A white feather.

A white feather was placed between the pages of one of the books, making me even more confused. "How.." My eyes scan around the apartment again, trying to see if there was a possible source. None of the windows are open so how…

I shake my head and stand up, deciding to go on with my day instead. I'm already up, so might as well. I rub my eyes with the backs of my hands and walk to my kitchen to make coffee. I ponder over the latest books I've read and which ones I'll read in the future. I clutch my mug in my hand and shuffle to the living room, curling up on the couch to watch TV all day.

~~~~Later That Night~~~~

I sigh and look up at the sky, my hands in my pockets as I walk down the sidewalk. Still just isn't the same. I don't notice a car coming towards me until it's almost too late. I hear a vaguely familiar voice shout my name as I'm shoved back to the sidewalk, landing on my side. The wind was knocked out of my lungs as I try and find who saved me.

I catch a glimpse of soft blonde hair before my vision goes blurry, bringing a hand to my forehead. I feel myself blacking out as I hit the concrete.

~~~~Midnight~~~~

My eyes slowly flutter open and I look around, thinking I was going to see a hospital room. But to my surprise, I see that I'm laying in my bed. My eyes widen and I shrink back into my blankets as I hear movement outside my bedroom, fear panging in my heart.

A shadow slowly approaches down the hall and I start shaking, wishing for my bed to open up and swallow me whole. The figure stands in my doorway and it feels as if my breath was pulled away from me, tears pricking at my eyes. The person's eyes soften when they see me and a small smile tugs at their lips.

"Oh thank the lords you're awake, I was getting worried." The voice sends waves of comfort over me. Is this real..?

"L-lix.." His name comes out through choked sobs as my tears start spilling down my face. I get off my bed to try and approach him but collapse halfway there.

"Woah, hey, be careful Y/n.." Felix walks the rest of the way to me and gracefully falls to his knees. He gingerly grabs my chin between his thumb and forefinger, eyes softening more when he sees my tear glazed eyes. "Please don't cry.."

"If y-you don't hug me r-right now, I might f-fall apart.." He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest, the familiar comforting feeling bringing more tears to my eyes. "I missed you so much, Lix." My sobs are muffled against his chest as my arms wrap around his form quickly. He chuckles lightly and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

"I'm here now, and I promise that I'm not going anywhere." We stay in that same position for who knows how long, basking in each other's presence and warmth. He mumbles comforting words in my ear as I start calming down.

"W-what are you doing here?" I sniffle slightly and move my hands to rub my eyes, a dull headache setting in.

"Well, that's a story for another time," his voice trails off as he looks around my room. A smile tugs at his lips again when his eyes land on something in particular. "You kept them all?" His words strike me with confusion as I look at the area that was occupying his gaze.

The feathers.

"'Kept them'? What do you mean kept them?" I tilt my head in confusion, hoping he'll elaborate.

"The feathers are mine, love. I've been leaving them behind so you could have a piece of me with you until I could come back." The words that tumble out of his mouth make my jaw drop and eyes widen, knowing exactly what that meant.

"S-so you were assigned as my g-guardian angel," my voice is just above a whisper. The look in his eyes is all the confirmation I need. I bury my face back into his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat, feeling so at peace for the first time in months.

"I love you Y/n, and I won't ever let you forget that." Felix pulls me closer to him, resting his chin on my head. I smile slightly and giggle, feeling heat rush to my cheeks.

"I love you too Felix, so much." He kisses the top of my head and we sit in a comfortable silence, staring out the window at the beautiful night sky for who knows how long.

I guess miracles really do exist, huh?