#dont judge me im not catholic i just like the quote

[natjennie]

I'm not gonna be able to make this coherent but I just want to say. as someone who grew up as a teen with undiagnosed PCOS who was so fucking angry at everything all the time. and as a person in their 20s now who is a chronic people-pleaser and is constantly doubting and blaming myself for everything. the bit where the bad kids were remembering their past injustices hit so fucking hard I can't even describe it. fig and riz's especially. just.

when you're a teenager the whole world feels so unfair and there's nothing you can do about it. you're trapped and no one listens to you and you can't stand up for yourself in a way that matters and things are wrong and it feels like no one else can see it. you're so mad at everything but there's no productive way to channel it so you're just stewing in all of your hatred and of course it turns inwards. where else can it go. you're mad and you're mad at yourself for being mad and you hate the state of the world and there's nothing you can do to fix it and that makes you even madder. and the rage turns to frustration turns to sorrow turns back to rage and it's horrible.

and when you're forged in that, you grow up feeling like everything is your fault and you have to try to take care of everyone else and work and work and work for them to love you. and you shove your needs and your questions and your justice down into a little box hidden in your chest that overwhelms you with grief and confusion whenever you peek inside. the shame and the doubt and the guilt get all mixed together in with your soul and it hurts to imagine a world where you deserve good things. everything is so confusing and helpless you don't even bother to try.

but then. cassandra holds your hand. and ankarna does too. and they remind you that there is room in the world for doubt. there is room for mystery and you don't have to have all the answers. and at the same time, there is a time and a place for righteousness. when you see something wrong in the world, in yourself, in your loved ones, you cannot be afraid to stand up against it. it seems dark and muddled now but a new dawn in breaking. you choose your purpose, you choose your next steps. but you will have dignity and strength when you struggle, when you falter, when you don't know what to do next. have the serenity to except the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. hoot fucking growl.