#dont wanna seem all self important or anything with the update lmao

[dekalko-mania]

For anyone who's been following me for a while as ectorecs, just FYI that I've changed my username lol. I started this blog with the intent to just kinda lurk and rec but recently started writing phic. So I just wanted my users to match- I'll still be doing phic recs and stuff, it was just a name preference

RIP the old user 😔 (no like fr I got a little emo changing it)

[thisdreamplace]

making deeper connections

i feel like i havent really updated in a while but i guess if you keep up with my asks, you probably get some type of random updates that way. lmao also this post is messy and informal warning!! lol

so anyway, i guess this is almost like a midpoint check in because i do have another challenge im doing thats coming to an end soon, which will constitute as yet another update on my experience. yall i ramble too much im sorry lmfao

anyway!!!!!!! things have been good. i haven't really shared much of my recent success because i tend to be a bit private about things that really mean a lot to me. on top of that, i am really trying to get it drilled into my head that i am the most important manifestation there is in my reality, as in a successful change within me is the most important manifestation there is for me. its really all about mastering my inner world and that is my motivation/focus right now. however, i will be sharing some of my successes soon!

which seems weird in hindsight because its like we all come here to get things. but then we stay because we find this journey is much deeper than we thought it was. but thats besides the point

thats why i started listening to dylan james' affirmation tape in the first place. im moving into week 2 and things started feeling a lil like a rollercoaster since the end of last week. i felt really amazing/confident the first few days and then kind of got wobbly towards the end of last week. but dylan said when going into week 2 it's a good idea to play the tape throughout the day as background noise so ive been doing that and it's been helping me feel a bit more stable.

yall!!!! can i just say tho!!!!!! my connection to trust/faith and the way life is unfolding rn since i started listening to the tape is just...... amazing to say the least.

but i wanna say something about my experience thats going to be hard to explain but im going to try!! so lately i keep having these glimpses. i talked about this in my 30 day challenge i recently completed, and that was when the glimpses started. ever since starting this new challenge and especially since listening to dylan's tape, they happen much more often and they're lasting for longer.

so basically its like i am starting to be able to tap into these states that i really feel connected with who i really am? it's often either really peaceful/calm/comforting or sometimes it exciting because i can see that this world is mine and its just one big game-like dream for who i truly am.

because of these glimpses i got this thought: "i am at peace with XYZ" and omg it was such an intense be still and know type of moment. basically i was having a lot of anxiety and then i thought, "i am at peace with this anxiety being here" and reminded myself that it actually doesnt mean anything. then i had a glimpse of understanding from tapping into my Godself, like i truly understand that this identity and this feeling of anxiety doesnt mean anything and isnt an obstacle to my true self. this is why we can have anything we desire no matter what. anyway, then i just actually felt at peace. because i didnt feel like this anxiety meant anything or like it was getting in my way. like we can co-exist and it doesnt mean anything bad or that im doomed. its just here for the passing moment and thats okay.

so that brought on relief. but i'll say man, things manifest in such strange ways sometimes. this rollercoaster has been something lmfao. but even so, every so often ive been getting a little excited? because i feel like omg this is my chance to reject the old story and persist in the new one! and that can feel kind of exciting at times? sometimes it feels like a drag lmfao but sometimes it feels kind of liberating. so thats cool.

and yeah so thats where im at right now on this lil journey. also idk why in my personal posts i dont use punctuation but in my asks i use proper everything like tf lmfao

also i be excited to sleep at night bc i love listening to the affirmation tape. i havent easily slept so early in so long haha

as always!! there is no one to change but self.

happy manifesting!! 💖🌈💫🌺

[d2myg]

50 questions tag

tagged by @rysiowate thank u darling!

1. What takes up too much of your time? my hyperfixations and constantly updating all my online accounts and personas

2. What makes your day better? when i feel like ive accomplished something in a day; also, getting to go to bed after a long day

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? i made really good tofu fried rice

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? the shire. just wanna live in a tiny hobbit house and eat and read

5. Are you good at giving advice? depends what it is about. and also, im better at getting my points across via text, so im useless at advice irl

6. Do you have any mental illness? anxiety and depression, im pretty i have some kind of executive dysfunction and maybe dependent personality disorder, but these two are just my assumptions. who knows really im broke and too anxious to go a therapist to get diagnosed lmao

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no thank god it sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most? even though i’m not an active stan anymore i’m gonna say bts because they’re the artists i’ve stanned the longest for and grew most attached to. i think they helped me develop as a person and they’ve been there for me in tough times. but also queen, because in freddie mercury i found a queer icon and role model which is very important for me

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i thought i was in love once but looking back, maybe not

10. What’s your dream date? i think this dream date business is bullshit. as long as im with the person i like, we could be doing literally anything and id still be like yeah this is a good day. like running errands or going grocery shopping or just lying in bed.

11. What do others notice about you?

idk probably my self-deprecating humour. also i if im wearing makeup that almost always gets commented on so i guess that

12. What is an annoying habit you have? just one? lmao uhhh when im super anxious about something i just shut off and like i cant function until that thing is resolved. my brain is just like ok anxiety time lets lay in bed and cry and nap for the rest of the day. also when im not in the mood to reply to someone’s text i will literally go days without replying not bc i forgot but bc i just.. yeah

13. Do you still talk to your first love? sometimes i check up on her (on her social media) but no we havent talked for almost a year since it ended. but then, was she really my first love. idk.

14. How many exes do you have? one

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i have multiple playlists and i also follow a lot of playlists; all together there must be at least 1k

16. What instruments can you play? acoustic guitar

17. What do you have the most pictures of? travelling, i have folders of pictures since last year that i havent edited yet

18. Where would you like to go before you die? hm. everywhere i havent been yet. id really like to go to canada, also like everywhere in asia

19. What is your zodiac? scorpio

20. Do you relate to it? idk i dont really read horoscopes and idk the like scorpio personality traits or whatever

21. What is happiness to you? being content with myself and what im doing.

22. Are you going through anything right now? final assignments of the semester :)

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? getting too attached to some people. 

24. What’s your favorite store? record stores are so cool. also there’s this store in brighton that sells prints of stuff like ghibli on tshirts and tote bags. not my favourite, but i like it. i dont think i have a favourite.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? im pro-choice. i dont think it should be a debate.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? no

27. Do you have a favorite album? sheer heart attack by queen, that shit slaps

28. What do you want for your birthday? honestly not to be shallow but some coins so i can buy myself some stuff ive been wanting to buy but didnt wanna spend money on

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? idk probably that im a bitch or that im intimidating. before i open my mouth to talk. one of my best friends told me they were scared of me when we first met.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? idk i mean no one really questions my age tbh. when i was younger people thought i was older lmao cause i seemed mature or whatever

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? usually on my bed bc i sleep with earphones

32. What word do you say the most? uuuh……. like. when i talk i say like after every 3rd words its annoying

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 5-6 years probably

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? ½ years max

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? i dont talk about my career ambitions with anyone lmao it makes me anxious. my mom says i could do personal couching or psychotherapy or whatever.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? classic rock

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? sweden sounds really nice. hong kong or singapore also

38. What is your current favorite song? hm. the iron man 3 credits soundtrack. slaps. suffragette city by culture club also

39. How long have you had this blog for? uuh i remade very recently

40. What are you excited for? goin home for the summer. also rocketman and spiderman far from home. also!!! i might be going to the rocketman red carpet so

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. i dont really like talking about deep stuff

42. What is the last productive thing you did? did some uni work today. actually, did a lot of uni work today

43. What do you want for christmas? go to budapest with my mom weve been planning that

44. What class do you get the best grades in? my best subject in high school was english and in college it was probably psychology

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? idk 5/6

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

dude i dont even know what ill be doing next year after my ba course ok

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i dont think i really had one. when i broke up w my gf, its been shit for a while and i just accepted that it wasnt gonna work so it didnt really like hurt

48. What age do you want to get married? marriage is overrated and expensive next

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a vet also but so much med school. ew.

50. What do you crave right now? to dye my hair bc im stressed insert this is fine meme

i also tag @hamkis also @crownedbabes also @funkysapphic, @milmercurios, @freddie-jupiter, @piscesyub, @cactustattoo, @tonyrights