#dont worry about the dog or sheep skin-

[skimmeh]

Hey check out my lil tiefling halfling Shepard bard called Edwin ... :) he a stinker

[sunnybimbo]

WHAT'S UP BABE, can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhh heith dog groomer au????

t o o t s you dont know what this au did to methank u for blessing me with this 🙏🙏 i love u good heccin night

Keith mumbled softly to the puppy in front of him as she whined when he lifted her paw. She was covered in gentle suds, until she looked more like a fluffy sheep than short-hair pug, but she was scared to death.

“You’re alright, girl.” He gently parted her toes and examined her nails. “I won’t hurt ya.”

He felt more than saw Hunk enter the room, his footsteps vibrating through the metal floor of their van. ‘The Golden Retriever’ was what Hunk had named it, and it made Keith physically recoil everytime he spouted the name off to a potential customer. (He’d be lying, though, if he said it hadn’t made him laugh more than once.)

They were a mobile dog grooming service that was quickly becoming popular with the locals, and Keith was having the time of his life.

He gently scratched behind the puppy’s ears, risking a glance up at Hunk. They’d probably be moving locations soon, after they’d finished this last puppy, and Hunk was doing a run through to make sure everything was put back in place.

When Hunk passed behind Keith, he reached down to ruffle his hair. At Keith’s quiet huff, he dropped to kiss him on the forehead. “Little Lady giving you any trouble?”

“She’s terrified, but she’ll be alright.” Keith began to rinse her with carefully tempered water. “She peed all over me earlier.”

“Aw, gross.” Hunk said, even as he cooed at her. “I’ll get out of here before I scare her even more. Owners will be back in another hour or so.”

“Got it.”

Keith watched from the corner of his eye as Hunk headed towards the front of the van, stopping in the doorway to check off their last customer’s reservation. Because they really were getting popular enough to need reservations sometimes. It was mind-blowing to Keith, really.

What was even more mind-blowing was the fact that, even covered in dog-hair and slobber, Hunk was still unfairly attractive. Keith watched as he, with zero hesitance, lifted the hem of his shirt and wiped sweat from his forehead with it, revealing a strong abdomen hidden by his soft pudge.

And it wasn’t even as if the uniform they had was particularly sexy. Plain, tan slacks with a yellow, collared shirt that had smiling dog faces on them. If anything, it should’ve been dorky on him— yet…

Keith jerked his attention back to the puppy at hand when Hunk absently glanced over, rinsing her tail more thoroughly than necessary.

—

The sun had long ago set when they finish their last pet. Keith spears his fingers through his own sweat-matted hair as he pets the Great Dane waiting patiently beside him. The door to the back of the van lays wide open, to help air out the moist after a long day, and the breeze is orgasmic against his skin. It was getting hotter every day, even as winter approached, and his pit stains regaled as much to the world as he stretched his arms above his head.

The giant dog yawns along with him as they watch the traffic wane with the hour, and Keith trails his fingers along the pink leather collar nestled around his neck. “I know you’re tired of me, buddy. You’ll be home, soon.”

“They’re on their way now.” Hunk says from around the truck. He’s checking the tires, poking at the rear-left one with his toe as he peeks around to eye Keith. “You tired?”

“I could probably sleep for the rest of the year.”

Hunk snorts at him, circling around to join him. The truck dips as he climbs in, and Keith offers him a small smile. Hunk leans over to rest his head against Keith’s shoulder, and he must look incredibly uncomfortable bending himself like that but he sighs contently, so Keith doesn’t mention it.

The sun, orange and golden, peeks at them through the trees that circle the park, painting the ground in waving shadows. He kicks his legs like a pendulum into a gentle rhythm, letting his shoulders relax with a deep sigh that mimics his boyfriend’s.

“We should get a dog.” Hunk says, fatigue leaking into his voice. “Like… adopt one, maybe.”

Keith scratches behind the Dane’s ears. “I thought you would be tired of dogs, since we spend every day with them.”

“We could get a cat, then!”

“Because that’s definitely different.” Keith teases.

A car pulls up beside them— the owners of the pretty Dane— and their conversation is put on pause as Hunk helps them pay and get the dog situated in their SUV.

Keith escapes into their van, busying himself with changing out of his sweaty shirt and into something more comfortable. He ends up stealing one of Hunk’s spares, pressing the soft cotton against his cheek as he listens to the soft crackle of their radio filter through the truck.

Their conversation doesn’t continue until the next day.

They’re parked somewhere in the suburbs, since that’s where they get the most customers, and Hunk is nearby letting a trio of poodles sniff around before they get their bath. Keith is kneeling against the tireguard as he sips off-brand soda, untroubled by the dried mud scraping across his back.

Keith watches Hunk get tangled in the three separate leashes as the dogs get a bit too excited, and he tries not to grin as he watches him get taken down and smothered with kisses.

Hunk seems content laying in the grass for a while, with the soft pooches resting across his belly, so Keith goes to join him. He flops onto the dewey ground, sighing contently as they watch the clouds pass by. He offers a sip of his cream soda to Hunk, who gladly downs the rest of it in one gulp.

“If we get a cat— or a dog, or whatever— would we be able to take care of them?” He asks, out of the blue. “I don’t just want to abandon them all day while we do this.”

“That’s true.” Hunk readily agrees. “We’d probably need one we can bring along. Someone docile enough to play with the other dogs without getting to rowdy.” He muses aloud, ticking off on his fingers. “It’d be an extra responsibility we can’t forget about, ever.”

“You sound like a parent.” Keith smiles, rolling over onto his side to watch him.

“A pet-rent.”

“I hate you.” Nonetheless, Keith dips forward to press a kiss against his cheek and get him untangled so he can start the grooming process.

—

The topic doesn’t get dropped, really. They mention it every so often— the possibility of getting a third member to their little party— but they don’t act. Not when their business, as booming as it is, is so incredibly new and fragile.

Hunk stays as the face of their company. His sunny grin is enough to convince most customers that they’re the right choice, and Keith’s grooming and cuts convince the rest.

One time they’re visited by an owner who’s even more nervous than the dog is at leaving him alone with strangers. So, as a test run, Keith gives the pup a quick bath and shave while the owner watches his every move.

The following review they get doesn’t miss their radar, either. He’s described as ‘curt, but gentle to both customer and pooch’ and that makes him more pleased than it ought to.

But sometimes business is slow. The middle of the week, when no one has time to chase down a mobile grooming service, is usually when they get the most free time, and it’s then that Keith convinces Hunk to climb atop the van and watch the rain with him.

“It’s a free shower.” He said, and Hunk shoots him a look.

“Free car wash, too.”

They get settled, curling up against one another like the most coiled of snakes, and Keith resists pressing a kiss against the crown of Hunk’s head when the latter lays against Keith’s chest.

A soft raindrop drips onto his chin, prompting Keith to reach up and swipe it away with his thumb. He lets his hand stray towards Hunk, combing his fingers through his forelock.

Hunk softly hums at the touch, leaning into it. “Love you.” He mumbles, just as tender as the times he says it against Keith’s bare skin on hot nights where they’re too tired and too content to get up and turn on the fan.

Keith wonders, not for the first time, how different times like this would be if they get a pet. Would they nose their way between them, cold and wet like frozen lightning when Keith least expects it? Or would they be territorial enough to growl at one of them for stealing away their favorite’s attention?

Keith had more experience with the latter, especially with the younger dogs they pick up. They never progressed to fights, especially when Hunk is there to hold one while Keith urges the other into a kennel, but it’s enough of a heart pounding situation to make him hesitate when it comes to getting a pet all his own.

Not to mention, the affection. As much as he loves a good, tight hug from the right person from time to time, it’s often too much for his skin to handle. Every nerve lights like a burned out bulb, ready to explode, but he can’t snap at an animal like he can a person.

He brings up as much to Hunk that morning, but Hunk only tilts his head up at him and presses a kiss against his chin— exactly where the rain had stained. “That’s why there’s two of us. Just toss ‘em to me and I’ll take care of the rest, babe.”

It sounded unfair (and unrealistic, if— for some ungodly reason— the pet decides to choose Keith as his favorite) but it melts him anyway.

—

“What if we lose it while we’re on the road?” Keith asks, once. It feels like a half-baked excuse, but his mind had conjured up better things that made him worry even more than that.

Hunk pauses, the petite comb in his hold nearly getting lost in the thick fur of the purebred pomeranian he was detangling. “The hypothetical cat?”

“Or dog.” Keith says, half out of habit. “Like— we’re on the highway. Our tire bursts, and we have to pull over, and they just… run off.”

Hunk fishes the comb out and pets the dog— Petunia, she was named— as he carefully mulls over his words. When he goes two minutes and stays silent, Keith hesitantly turns to watch him. He’d been washing out one of the baths, but it was easier to let it soak for a while, anyway.

“I didn’t know you were worrying so much about stuff like that.” Hunk admits after a moment, chewing his bottom lip.

Keith helplessly shrugs his shoulders.

They fall silent again, and it’s uncomfortable enough for him to make Keith turn back around to avoid looking at Hunk.

Hunk, of course, knows what he’s doing. He finishes his job, combing and combing until the pomeranian is fluffier than a brand-new towel, and lets Petunia down to set her in a nearby kennel for the moment, before Keith has a chance to find scissors to give her a trim.

“Come sit with me?”

Keith takes Hunk’s offered hand with hardly a thought, and soon is tugged towards the front. They settle into the driver and passenger seats, leather-bound and stitched with their logo on the headrests. Keith leans against the rough material, frayed just slightly around the edges from how often he ran his fingers along the pattern, and kicks his shoes off to cross them comfortably.

Hunk turns the radio down absently, even as he taps his fingers to the beat.

“We don’t have to get a pet.” Hunk starts, first and foremost. “I kind of just threw it out there, but I never meant for it to worry you like this.”

“It makes sense to bring it up.” Keith interrupts. “I mean… it’s our job to take care of pets, more or less.”

Hunk shrugs a shoulder. “It’s not worth it if it makes you stress like that. You know I like you to be happy, always.”

Keith’s heart circles in his chest, smitten at the words. “I don’t mind the idea of getting a pet with you.” He says, before Hunk can get too sappy. “Just worried about the what-ifs.”

Hunk leans against the steering wheel, careful of the horn. “Aren’t you supposed to be the impulsive one?” He teases. Keith smiles back at him.

“Guess I grew up a little.”

Hunk sighs, flopping back into his seat. “You and me both, sweetheart.” Then, “So— no pet.”

“I didn’t say that.” Keith readily argues. “Just… not yet.”

“Maybe if we weren’t mobile.” Hunk hums— and it’s then that Keith notices the sneaky look he has on his face.

He narrows his eyes, but Hunk only grins at him and leans over to press a kiss against his cheek. “Stop stressing about it, Keith. We’ll get one when we’re ready.”

—

About a month later, Hunk surprises Keith with a crisp sheet of paper at breakfast one morning. He beams over a stack of pancakes while Keith skims the words, eyes grown wide by the time he finishes.

“Seriously?”

“Pidge saw a good place for rent— and Shiro put a payment on it before they even told me about it.”

In front of him laid a renter’s agreement— and underneath it a floorplan for their new grooming shop.

“When did this even happen?”

“About three months ago.”

Specifically, one month after Hunk had brought up to Lance how much easier it would be for them to have a not mobile shop. He and Keith griped about it every so often, but they loved their van more than anything.

Speaking of, “What are we going to do about the car, then?”

“We keep it, of course. For those days when the walls are too constricting.”

Keith shoves almost an entire pancake in his mouth as he mulls it over excitedly. “Do we even have enough money for upkeep?”

Hunk gives him an exasperated look. “I went over it with everyone, and it’s all worked out. All I need to know is if you actually do want to go through with it.”

Keith glances up at him, and Hunk is barely concealing his excitement. It’s almost like a dream come true for both of them.

And his answer is pretty obvious.

—

One year after Golden Receiver’s— all Hunk’s doing— is opened, business is flourishing. They hardly have to work in the shop unless it’s around the holidays and their staff is short. On most days, they ride around in their favorite van.

But, somehow, Keith convinces Hunk to take a week off with him. They spend the first day getting to know one another all over again as they laze around the house and beat the autumn humidity with a water fight. On the second day, they celebrate their anniversary with a grand, home cooked dinner and a walk around the very first park they’d serviced when they first started the business.

On the third day, Keith surprises Hunk with a puppy all their own.

[sanhatation]

ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best. 

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars. 

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u. 

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !! 

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her. 

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words ! 

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good. 

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!! 

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you. 

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic. 

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!! 

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn. 

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !! 

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy 

[mulliganisms]

I saw 3 sips then I had a bells

Nothing beats the old fashioned pub  especially an Irish one but they are now virtually extinct. We should share pictures of property developers jangling their keys outside of closed boozers on Facebook to shame them.  Liverpool Rd N1 mid 70s, one such pub open on a Christmas night -the key to a great holiday for Himself. Himself has to get out Christmas night- his sire, Aulfella was always rearing up, undoing the hard work of Mam. Aulfella was capable of loving or hating anything at any given, depending on his temper. He hid his good moods in the same place as his money - under the carpet in the front room, reaching for them both when he was on his way to Da pub or da club.

Your best guess as to the name of a pub where the Provisional IRA paper An Phoblacht was sold openly, tricolours decorated the wall and the jukebox featured anti -internment hit The Men Behind The Wire? The Crown of course ( I always add upside down as a nod to the Celtic FC halftime favourite Irish Soldier Laddie) For Himself the test of a decent Irish bar is the Guinness - you can tell a decent pint when you can see mark of each sip on the side of the glass. I offer three swallows for you this season - let’s start with a huge, thirsty gulp.

Liverpool Rd N1 mid 70s, a proper Irish pub The Crown. Himself is there with his first proper girlfriend - Dixie. They are deep into their relationship having met across a crowded home and wear department in Tesco Chapel Market. I’m Not In Love played, his hands on her waist and...breathe (exhale loudly. A glance down at the gap left between the skin  of her back and the waistband of the Wranglers reveals a possible future of bliss - the white bra strap shining in the UV light. ..a reverie...were these the hips that turned a thousand faces and burnt red these cheeks of Islington? A small cry escapes her lips - Sorry love - those plastic sandals are harder to manoeuvre than the Green Flash I normally wear for dancing.

Mam was of a somewhat sunnier frame of mind - where she hid when depression struck we never did find out though Himself and  Dabrudders found most of her hiding places. In earlier years, Accomodation was an old store of some kind affectionately known as the shop. Upstairs one bedroom,with two bunk beds and a cot a sitting room with a pull down bed and a stereogram. Downstairs a shop floor with building gear covered in dust sheets, a kitchen with coal fired stove leading out to a yard. The toilet was reached by a run through a coal cellar sometimes fast, sometimes slow ,,, record time on return from a camping trip in Youghal which included The Return of Dracula one night (rather lax enforcement of X certificate in Ireland) and waking next morning to discover the tent had been pitched beside a slaughterhouse - sheep skulls stretched out in greater numbers as the tide retreated from the stony atlantic shore.

In the cupboard in this  dungeon was where the Christmas presents were hid - and played with/ sometimes ruined long before the day. Mam commented on the odd angle of the crossbar on the subbuteo goals - a few years later we could’ve blamed the Tartan army saying it was a souvenir set of Wembley 77. Himself just used a Swan vesta and Mam’s hairnet to repair it (the onion bag not being to scale).

The shop went as part of slum clearance, as did most of the other condemned buildings. Himself and his moved into the renovated Victorian terrace - into the nineteen seventies - bathrooms and central heating , into the peak of Equality in the UK. The new neighbours’ eldest worked part time at Tesco Chapel Market and through this network Himself impressed enough at interview to collar a role packing cheese and butter then progressing to staffing the Deli counter in a double act with younger brother Seamus. Union membership guaranteed good wages which rose in line with inflation of which there was plenty .

Time honoured courting process was in place from the first time he saw the poppers on the nylon housecoat struggling to contain the developing curves. His cotton overall hid his embarrassment but not his intention - all boys schools did not prepare you well for this. Even the Drama teacher the fifth form swooned over paled in comparison. And then their story started - a word in his shell like -not a letter in the Hardy/ Shakespeare/ Tolstoy mould but a hand gesture to approach a friend - not like today. Sexting was Chelsea’s cup winning manager, Mobiles were Airfix planes on string and pawn featured in a passage from Christy Brown’s  Down All My Days which Aulfella could recite by heart - the good suit went in Monday and was redeemed for Sunday mass. Himself was onto a sure thing - if he asked her to dance at the Xmas social she’d say yes.

Consider the obstacles there: asking - the potential for rejection greater than the selection of the Park football sides where every choice was carefully considered to produce a finely calibrated balance. Fourth best defender gone would you select the second best header without the guarantee you’d land a crosser from the top five?  Dancing here did not mean a hustle a bump or even the ska shuffle all of which he could handle. No The Smiley’s People double agent meant a slow dance. So he watched the couples, the elder siblings the pairings of someone’s mate and someone’s sister. Some still together celebrating their second grandchild…

It worked, Nature  took over they “got off”, “pulled” and then they were “going out”. This did not mean going out that much as funds were somewhat limited, opportunities even moreso. There was a date culminating in a faint prompted by a Sissy Spacek  bloodbath scene. The Odeon Holloway Rd witnessed many a coitus interruptus in its years and this apology laden nursing scene in the foyer echoed many of the experiences Himself and Herself played out. Himself caught the climax of the film   a few years later at college ; ditto the coitus although that was more to do with a Malt Liquor (Breaker, Colt 45 ) for 10p promotion - and  Carrie herself could not have levitated his head  off the pillow the next morning.

No, going out meant staying in with the occasional foray for a coke float at Wimpy with unattached girlfriends (never my mates) including Margaret.  Sitting indoors then in a council maisonette. The sitting room was long with the auditorium seats pointed at the shrine - the rented colour set delivering nightly delights. On the sofas, the Elder sister and Geezer fiancee (saving for wedding so not going out) on the armchairs Graham and Ivy the parents, Between them our would be lovers. Telly and smoking that was the evening - Whan the Bert Comes In, Carry On something and Rich Man Poor Man. .When the folks went dahn ve Legion the vinyl came out - Atlantic Crossing with its slow side and fast side and David Essex’s concept album All the Fun of the Fair. Himself had just begun to achieve some minor plateaued competence on the Hofner Guitar Aulfella had bought from a Showband mate (typically flamboyant gesture and much loved) so this obviously was the equivalent of a masters in Musicology allowing him to pontificate and evaluate all music ever created or about to be - for Heads like him and his best mate Pat most music was judged and unless suitably complex, the black cap came out. Himself kept these opinions to hisself or there would be no goodbye fumble in the porch, no warm lips, no ambition destroyed by parental knock, no warmth enough to see him the ten minute walk home.

But in the Crown buoyed by a half pint the opinions flowed as freely as the song. Xmas evening found them with unattached friend Margaret and her extended family of Lydons as in John. The patrons rotated the singing some better than others but all applauded/ gently ribbed then it came to John himself. He starts doing white Christmas, HImself  joins in forcing JL to go faster,make more of a mess of the melody, savour the lyric, thrash it - invent punk This bit might be somewhat exaggerated in memory, especially as JL was not even there.

That’s the first sip now the second and the third, happy ending.

That Pub, When the comedian Himself returned to The Crown years later it had become Waxys Dargle - a theme Irish bar, Shane Mcgowan’s local, etc. Singing would get you barred. There were no old men in suits and ties. Now it is a block of flats. Himself remembered the Goldsmiths Tavern in New Cross - put up a sign no  hats / no guinness - code for  No Blacks no Dogs no Irish I guess. That sign always conjured up an image of Phil Lynott  trudging from door to door whispering to the Jack Russell nestling beneath his Afghan coat - dont worry me darling their women go mad for me. One year, Himself and da family minus one acted in chorus and decamped to The George in Essex Rd where with the families of Dabrudder’s Sunday football side they created a kind of mad  talent show where audience and performers became one - a communion as Boal would call it. Twas grand - it’s now a gastropub where three organic cherries on the slot machine means a village in Cambodia gets a new goat. the pub quiz includes questions based on the budapest metro map of 1959 and it offers 65 different ales in flavours like panetonne and panfried liver but only one mode of atmosphere - tedious. Gentrification as effective a migration prompt as Potato blight.

Gentrifiers

Chorus - Making your town cool - house price house price house price school - repeat ad nauseam

We think buy to let’s an absolute disgrace/ glad we bought 5 at the old stamp duty rate

Here’s to our genius - or was it / our parents stumping up the dough for the deposit

Agents call this place Shoreditich Lite/  I call it prosecco - bubbly bland and white

So pass the craft ale pass the tapenade / if someone mentions brexit pass the hand grenade

Otag kebab’s been skewered by souvlaki food carts/ I loathe graffiti but our kids study street art

Pie and mash, licquor, winkles and wallies are all rebooted as cuisine a la cockney

Fiver for a loaf of bread a petition vs. greggs / Costa flipping coffee costa flipping arm and leg

Can’t buy malt vinegar to put upon your plate just condiment fundamentalists of balsamic state

Riding Monday then flute, Latin Greek / by Tuesday we’re into the rhythm of the week

Lance flunked the grammar despite all the tutors So Granny pays the fees at st mediocres

Everywhere the skips and signs shout out: we’re cooling up your town - time to get out

Repeat chorus and fade