#dr. jeffrey rosenblum

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 5: Night of the Living Dread

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Summary: July 1, 2015 - Sammy & Ben learn of some breaking news regarding the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe, but not everyone is as pleased as the broadcast duo.

[Podcast intro music]

Announcer Dear listeners, please note that the following program may contain views that do not reflect that of King Falls AM, its management, or its subsidiaries. Listener discretion is advised.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy You’re listening to King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the radio dial. I’m your host, Sammy Stevens, and as always we are joined by producer and co-host extraordinaire, Ben Arnold.

Ben [trying not to be amused] You’re so- you’re so happy, aren’t you? You’re a child. Getting so giddy over that message.

Sammy Listening to a warning before a radio broadcast I’m on has literally been on the bucket list for a long time. Thanks Merv!

Ben *laughter* Ridiculous. A glutton for punishment.

Sammy What can I say? I enjoy a nice game of hard ball! Uh, y’know, but enough about what Merv doesn’t want you to hear, let’s talk about what he does want you to hear. And what do we have cooking tonight, Ben?

Ben Dude, it’s stacked alright? Stacked. We’ve got the- lovely Miss Emily Potter from the King Falls Library giving us her picks for enlightened summer reading.

Sammy Terrific! We always love speaking with Emily!

Ben You and me both.

Sammy I said “we,” Ben.

Ben Uh, I know. I- *breathes in* [stilted] I- We-We-uh, We’ve got some really cool news! here. We-we are announcing the line-up for the first annual King Falls Ambient Music Festival. That’s coming up the second hour.

Sammy Wait a second. The King Falls Ambient Music Festival? Is this town even big enough for a festival?

Ben Oh yeah! It’s like Coachella[1] but for hipsters that just want to relax. It’s all about “setting the mood.”

Sammy You know, I’m wondering if they’re gonna make it to a second annual.

Ben And then, um, [reluctant and slipping into mumbling] opening up the show we-we’ve got the- doctor *mumbling*

Sammy I-I’m sorry, Ben, what was that? You’re trailing off, buddy.

Ben We have that umm, *sniffs, lets out breath* one… guy. You know that- fo- w- talking about that *deep breath* one thing—

Sammy [trying to cut him off] Ben—

Ben —from a month ago or so—?

Sammy What? What are you talking about?

Ben You know— May- maybe we should start it with Uh, callers first! [mildly frantic] Just-uh-Give us a call at 424-279-3858 and let’s talk about… *tsk* anything! Let’s uh, whats your-whats your-whats-whats on your mind King Falls?

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, put down your phones for a second. What Ben is trying to say is we’ve got a scoop here this evening on King Falls AM. We’re gonna be speaking with—

Ben [cutting Sammy off]Or you can tweet us! @kingfallsam. I-I-I will literally talk about anything right now. Even to Mr. Derschwitz about that weird toenail thing. Let-lets-lets go, people!

Sammy I thought we agreed—

Ben I know. Sammy, I’m sorry it’s just, [slightly more frantic] I’m-I’m not feelin’ the best here. Alright? my stomach, is all… knotted up, just thinking about this.

Sammy That is journalism. That feeling is journalism—

Ben [speaking over Sammy] I think it might actually be an ulcer! It Tastes, like Fear and Feels, like Cancer . It’s way more than anxiety. I-I’m gonna call Dr. Raúl, at break.

Sammy He’s a chiropractor!

Ben Maybe he can refer me?

Sammy Power through it, buddy! Look at this folks, we got somebody dialing into the hotline right now! You ready for this Ben? Come on.

Ben Please, be Reverend Hawthorne so we can talk about the Revival next month.

Sammy Oh stop it. You know he isn’t even scheduled!

Ben I just thought— maybe that’s how prayers work, I don’t know, I’m not a reverend!

Sammy King Falls AM, you’re on the air.

Dr. Rosenblum [Dr. Rosenblum’s voice is measured and monotonous and mildly creepy at all times] Good evening, this is Dr. Jeffery Rosenblum, with the, King Falls County Coroner’s Office.

Ben C-can I please just say—

Sammy Dr. Rosenblum, it is a pleasure to speak with you this evening.

Rosenblum Excited to be here, Sammy. Ecstatic even. We listen on slow nights.

Ben That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever heard.

Sammy Much appreciated, Doc. Now, as fate would have it, you were the overseeing physician working on the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe, is that correct?

Ben Doc? Can you just, hold on for- one- moment- please?

Rosenblum Of course, Ben I—

Sammy Don’t start, Ben! We agreed to see this through.

Ben All I’m saying i- lemme finish- a- i-is that maybe it’s not our place *deep breath* to break this kind of news.

Sammy Fine. You know what? You’re right! Let’s just give this to our friends down at Channel 13 and let them be the ones to alert the public about this.

Ben [journalist voice] Doc, Ben Arnold. Tell us about cracking open the mystery body.

Sammy [quietly] Oh.

Rosenblum It’s true that I was the operating physician on that particular John Doe, y-es, irrefutablyy

Sammy Now, as I understand, your official report was released yesterday morning, doctor, but amazingly enough, not one publication or news station in our town- including King Falls AM- reported on it.

Rosenblum You are correct. Busy news day- one would assume.

Ben So, that means, you are— free to talk about it on air.

Rosenblum I would be elated

Sammy First and foremost on everyone’s minds: were there any signs of, uh, y’know, the lake mo- *sighs* I can’t.

Ben Did Kingsie make the body, bite the big one?

Rosenblum There was no evidence that a creature large or small had anything to do with the deceased.

Ben *sigh of relief* That- I knew Kingsie didn’t have it in her.

Sammy Now, Dr. Rosenblum, can you tell us if there was any foul play involved at all?

Rosenblum During our first autopsy we were not able to distinguish with certainty the cause of death. But there were no signs of foul play

Sammy I’m sorry, did you say “first” autopsy?

Ben [confused] Is that normal? Did you- find out the cause of death during the… second autopsy?

Rosenblum Indeed. It was six individual gunshot wounds to the victim’s head. Three shots to the temporal lobe, two to the mendulla oblongata—

Sammy What?! Six gunshot wounds?!

Rosenblum To the cranium, yes. One to the frontal lobe, another to—

Ben So the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe was, murdered?

Sammy I can’t believe this! This is big! Why didn’t one news outlet report this thing yesterday?!

Rosenblum Well, the cause of death was inconclusive and with no signs of foul play, it was not exactly a juicy story.

Ben and Sammy Wait a second.

Rosenblum …yes?

Sammy I’m sorry, doc. I’m not in the medical orrr criminal fields but, how is six gunshots not foul play?

Rosenblum Well, that was between the first autopsy and the second. The gunshots were self-defense administered via Deputy Kreighauser at my behest.

Sammy Ben, we’re gonna wanna get Troy on the phone and see what he’s got to say about this.

Ben “Things Ben Arnold would never think under ordinary circumstances for 800, Alex.”[2]

Sammy Doc, while we’re getting Deputy Troy on the line, would you mind if we took a quick break to hear from one of our sponsors?

Rosenblum That’s just- Dandy.

[light bg music]

Greg Frickard After a long day’s work or a tough day’s play, you probably just wanna come home and relax. No need to slave over a hot stove for hours on end. Well that’s where we come in! Here at Granny Frickard’s, we know that the less time you spend doing the things you don’t like, is the more time you spend with the ones you love. So come get some of the best frog legs that money can buy. Granny Frickard’s French-fried farm-fresh never-frozen filleted-and-fricasseed fried-and-flambeed frog legs. Mm-mm-mm. So get on down to Granny Frickard’s Froggery at the corner of Main Street and 7th Avenue. We’ll put some pep in your step and some hop in your heart.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy And we’re back on King Falls AM, here with King Falls County Coroner, Dr. Jeffery Rosenblum.

Rosenblum A Pleasure.

Sammy Do you have Troy, Ben?

Ben He’s booking one of the Williams boys for mooning. He’ll call us in a few.

Sammy I’m a little out of sorts here, doc. Can you explain what happened between the first inconclusive autopsy and the point where Troy filled the cadaver full of lead.

Rosenblum Of course. As I was finishing the initial post-mortem, it came to my attention that the deceased began to emit a hissing sound, fluctuating between the lower thorax and the larynx.

Ben Oh my God.

Rosenblum I called for Deputy Kreighauser and he entered, as I wanted someone else to see this- phenomenon. That’s when the John Doe began a slight, thrashing about the upper torso.

Ben Um… are you saying—

Rosenblum The deputy began to fumble for his sidearm while we both discerned that something was wildly- amiss. The deceased opened its eyes and instantly grabbed for the lapel of my lab coat with voracious tenacity.

Ben Wh- ah- go on.

Rosenblum It gnashed its teeth as I emitted a terrified, albeit, high pitched, scream. And that’s when Troy unholstered his sidearm and administered six lethal shots to the reanimated corpse’s cranium.

Ben A zombie.

Sammy Alright, is there- [fumbling] Let’s just say- is there-

Ben We’ve got Troy on the line.

Deputy Troy [in bg] I don’t care if he was only joshin’. You can’t show your G-D derriere out in public! [car door slams] [pleasantly] Hey boys, what’s goin’ on tonight?

Sammy You tell us, Troy, holy geez! Uh, we’ve got Dr. Rosenblum on the line here and—

Deputy Troy Is this about the zombie?

Ben Yes! So-so you’re confirming this story, Troy?

Deputy Troy Well, hell yeah I’m confirming! I had to do three hours of damn paper work from unloadin’ my pistola into a corpse! Sheriff Gunderson was not the happiest of campers.

Ben [excited and awed] This is amazing… This is unprecedented .

Sammy [skeptical] This is a little unbelievable, Troy.

Rosenblum It is a first in my profession. Believe you me. [still tonelessly] Wowzers.

Deputy Troy Honest engine[3] boys. I capped the all get out of that thing! It had the doc by the face ‘bout to start chewing!

Rosenblum You’re my hero, Deputy Troy.

Deputy Troy Shucks, wasn’t nothin’ special.

Ben [slightly sullen] Except killing the first instance of a zombie in King Falls since—

Sammy Don’t say “since”.

Ben … Well… Since that one time at the mall in the '80s.

Sammy No, that’s not a real thing, Ben. That’s a film.

Ben [worked up] Sammy? How many extraordinary things are gonna have to SLAP you right in the face to make you buy into this? KING FALLS, MAN.

Deputy Troy You know me, Sammy. I always shoot ya straight. But it was the craziest sh[bleep]t I’ve ever seen. I mean it was like my-ex-wife-needs-alimony-money crazy.

Ben See? Even Barney Fife[4] saw it.

Sammy *sighs* I just—

Rosenblum I don’t want to cause an uproar here, but since that exam, there have been, other cases.

Ben Of frickin’ zombies?

Rosenblum Of reanimation among corpses… yes.

Deputy Troy Doc, you just give me a call if you need. I’m more than happy to go Clint Eastwood if the situation arises.

Rosenblum Will do, Deputy. Thank you so much for your- assistance. Without you, there may not have been this- interview.

Deputy Troy [proud] To protect and serve.

Sammy I can’t take all this in right now, Dr. Rosenblum I- e- Thank you so much for your insightful information.

Rosenblum As they say, [still monotone] “you got it, duude.”

[click, dial tone]

Ben You okay, Sammy? You… don’t look so well.

Deputy Troy Ah, hell, boys.[siren whoop] I gotta go. I’ll call you back later tonight! One of the Williams boys is tryin’ ta saw through the bars outside the jailhouse? [sirens in bg] [through megaphone] Jacob Williams put your hands UP and the file DOWN.

[click, dial tone]

Ben Alright King Falls, you’ve heard our story, let’s hear yours. Have you or anyone you know experienced anything like what the doctor spoke of? Reanimation? The walking—

Sammy Don’t.

Ben You know what I mean. Give us a call or tweet us.

Sammy Looks like the board is lighting up!

Ben Um…

Sammy What’s up? Okay, it can’t be any crazier than what we just heard, Ben.

Ben Line One, Sammy.

Sammy Welcome to King Falls AM, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Line 1 [female, almost sounds automated] Good evening, Sammy—

Sammy Do I know you ma'am?

Riley — please hold for Mayor Grisham.

Ben He… Probably just wants us to— mark these tapes as, evidence. *nervous laugh* Right, Sammy?

Sammy Or burn them.

Riley Sammy Stevens, Mayor Grisham.

Sammy Mayor?

Mayor Grisham Sammy… Ben.

Sammy You’re on live on King Falls AM, sir.

Mayor Grisham [commanding] Take me off and go to break. We need to chat.

Sammy No can do. Ben says we aren’t scheduled for break for another- uh- at least ten minutes.

Mayor Grisham Ben. Cut. To. Commercial.

Ben Uh- uh- uh- the thing is- I- I- I can’t- do that. Sir.

Mayor Grisham [threateningly pleasant] You boys want to talk live on air? We can talk live on air.

Sammy [challenging] Nothin’ to hide on this end of the phone, Mayor Grisham.

Mayor Grisham I hear your snide remarks, Sammy. I’ve read the transcripts.

Sammy Which! let’s be honest, is pretty weird. We’re a late night AM talk show, why are you bothering with us?

Mayor Grisham Oh, I don’t bother with you. I try to keep up to date with all the local news and entertainment. I gotta say, I was really happy a big city radio guy decided to come play host at our little radio station.

Sammy Well, I’m more than happy to—

Mayor Grisham I wasn’t finished… But I have to say, I’m a little less than thrilled with [accusingly] all the excitement you brought with you.

Sammy I’d hardly call reporting the news “excitement”, sir—

Mayor Grisham It’s interesting to me that I don’t see Channel 13 breaking these crazy stories.

Ben [quickly] No offense, your honor, but those idiots don’t know their a[bleep]holes from their elbows.

Mayor Grisham And you boys being on site when these “events” happen? [softly, still accusing] It’s a little bit of a coincidence don’t you think?

Sammy Are you insinuating that we are staging these events, Mayor?

Mayor Grisham I’m stating facts. I’m sure your ratings are way, way up there since all these sensational events seem to coincide with your broadcast. Why do you think that is? Furthermore, I mean who’s up listening to you at this ungodly hour of the night?!

Sammy Seemingly most of the town, Sir. As well as whomever you’ve hired to keep an ear on us.

Mayor Grisham I’ve tried to be nice about this… And I tried to be civil… but I think it’s about time that you troublemakers changed formats. No more of this funny business. It’s not good for the listeners. It’s not good for the residents. And honestly? it’s not good for me. I don’t appreciated being painted in this light, gentlemen.

Sammy Oh! You mean the light where you as a public service,[sic] try to quell the voice of the people.

Ben It’s not your right to tell us what we can and can’t report on, sir. All due respect.

Mayor Grisham [rudely] All due respect, Ben Arnold. Just a couple of months ago you were digging up old records on eBay for Chet Sebastian to run on about. Now you’re a media star?? That’s worrisome! Seems you fellas have All the reasons in the world to fabricate these issues, and I have to say I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this, while you LIE TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF KING FALLS.

Sammy Well, when we start “fabricating” and “making things up,” you can come throw the book at us. But until then- [click, dial tone] Whoops! Looks like you just got disconnected. I’d wait for you to give us a call back and all, but with it not being an election year I probably shouldn’t hold my breath.

Ben Line One iiis lit up again, Sammy.

Sammy [insincerely] Oh, sorry about that Mayor! I must have fabricated accidentally dumping your call when-

Esther Rollens [heavy metal music in bg] [voice old and wavering] Did you boys fund a lavender ball of yarn in there? Been looking for it all week! [click, dial tone]

Ben [shaken] Sammy, I think that commercial might do us some good right now.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Coachella - The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (commonly called Coachella or the Coachella Festival) is an annual music and arts festival held at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, in the Coachella Valley in the Colorado Desert.

[2] Reference to the TV game show Jeopardy!

[3] I honestly can’t tell if he’s saying “honest engine” or “honest injun” but i’mma go with the one that’s technically incorrect but also not super racist.

[4] Barney Fife - Deputy from the Andy Griffith Show. Calling a police officer or authority figure "Barney Fife" has become an American slang term for gross ineptitude or overzealousness.

[kkorny]

King Falls Am characters and their Hogwarts houses:

Ben Arnold: Ravenclaw/ Gryffindor (always has a plan/notebook/thought journal but will move mountains for his loved ones)

Sammy Stevens: Gryffindor/Slytherin (not afraid to fight but knows better, skeptical, dad friend, uses sarcasm to mask his feelings, master of the clapbacks, will defend his friends to the death, self-loathing, a troublemaker, the definition of chaotic good and WILL COME BACK TO THE STATION OUT OF PURE PETTINESS AND SPITE)

Emily: Ravenclaw (pretty obvious)

Deputy Troy Krieghauser: Hufflepuff/Gryffindor (such a sweetie but will do anything for his friends, hardworking and loyal)

Betty Arnold: Hufflepuff (not much is known but lots of townsfolk tell Ben to say hi to his mom for them, cares a lot about Ben and Sammy)

Herschel Baumgardner: Gryffindor (Acts tough and grumpy but really cares about his friends, great pep talks, will get in trouble just to take care and see Cecil)

Howard Ford Beauregard III: Slytherin (Acts all high and mighty like Lucius Malfoy, pure-blood, will curse anything who tries to insult his family name)

Ron Begley: Gryffindor (Not afraid to speak his mind and he really is the man’s man’s man’s, runs for mayor cause he’s tired of injustice)

Doyle Bevins: Hufflepuff (even more obvious)

Olivia Dupont: Ravenclaw (Is a pet medium because anyone can talk to human spirits, intelligent, kind)

Mayor Steven Grisham: Slytherin (Is a manipulative bastard who doesn’t want anyone undermining his leadership)

Finn: Hufflepuff (the most Hufflepuff of all Hufflepuff)

Greg Frickard: Slytherin (as Sammy said he’s an opportunist and he’s determined to make Emily love him. And has all the worst traits of a Slytherin. Probably a squib or muggle. BUT if he HAD to have a house. )

Reverend Xavier Hawthorne: Gryffindor (loud and doesn’t think before he speaks e.g. Glory holes, the “gayliens”)

Cynthia Higgenbaum: Gryffindor (Arrogant, not afraid to speak her mind…)

Mary Jensen: Gryffindor (brave, will take matters into her own hands, had to suffer but has grown stronger in spite of it)

Tim Jensen: Hufflepuff (Wants what’s best for his family, was kidnapped but he just wanted to let his family he loved them)

Maggie Masterson: Slytherin (determined, not willing to put up with any misogynistic shit, quick to action e.g threw a camera to stop a criminal from getting away)

Mission: Apparition's Dan: Gryffindor (arrogant and all the bad traits of a Gryffindor)

Mission: Apparition's Larry: Hufflepuff (such a sweetheart, doesn’t deserve the hate from Dan)

Pete Myers: Slytherin (Proud, not afraid to help if it will benefit him in some way, cares about self-preservation)

Chet Sebastian: Slytherin (Pervy, honest, willing to blackmail to help a friend out, cares about his friends even if he doesn’t always show it e.g calling Emily to help out Ben, takes extra shifts when either of them are absent, blackmailed Pete)

Archie Simmons: Hufflepuff (fabulous, cares about his bitches, good at finding weirdness e.g the werewolves and Tim Jensen)

Cecil Sheffield: Hufflepuff (cares a lot about Herschel, friendly, cautious, will get into crazy shenanigans cause of Herschel)

Agent Reagan Spears: Slytherin (intelligent, not afraid to speak her mind, ambitious, quick to action)

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenblum: Slytherin (unsure of his motives, acts creepy)

Jacob Williams: Slytherin (a troublemaker, always causing trouble for Troy, not the sharpest crayon in the box)

Lily Wright: Slytherin (resourceful, brutally honest, skeptical, SMARTASS, kinda mean, ambitious, determined, adaptable and will defend her friends (when she makes them) to the ends of the earth aka Pippa)

Riley Bevins: Ravenclaw (takes everything seriously, intelligent, self-sufficient, loyal to Grisham, rarely looks up from work)

Mike the Intern: Hufflepuff (good at finding stuff, poor boy just wanted to go home and away from this crazy town)

Deacon Reggie: Gryffindor (Loud, doesn’t think before speaking, was the one to call them Gayliens)

Pippa James: Ravenclaw (intelligent, not afraid to bash heads with Lily, not afraid of the truth and will call out Lily’s BS, knows better than to stick around when crazy stuff is going on, great producer, SUPER UNDERRATED and NEEDS more love ❤️)

Debbie: Ravenclaw/Gryffindor (willing to call into the station even with the shadow man trying to catch her, just trying to help the station, not afraid to tell Sammy the truth about Emily, smart enough to figure out the notebooks)

Rose from Rose’s Diner: Hufflepuff (Sassy and a great cook)

Storm Sanders: Gryffindor (lashes out, emotional, skin walker )

Sheriff Gunderson: Slytherin (not afraid to manipulate others to get what he wants, power hungry, creepy af, slimy, will get revenge, powerful friends)

Walt: Ravenclaw (mysterious af but knows a lot about paranormal activity, saves Sammy’s life)

The Dark: Gryffindor (loud-mouthed troublemaker, narcissistic, obnoxious, zip tying moron)

Gwendolyn the Racist witch: Slytherin (racist, sexist and offensive towards almost everyone)

Ernie Salcedo: Gryffindor (brute, obnoxious, murderer)

Dusty Reynolds: Gryffindor (poor guy who’s wife cheated on him, super popular in town)

Kirk and Dwayne Libbydale: Hufflepuff (willing to help out Ben with his mission to Emily by lending his yard)

Rich Mcguff: Slytherin (A recluse who later told to be quite hateful and racist e.g his “Rosa Parks” rule)

Jack Wright: Gryffindor (Told by Lily to be athletic as a rugby player and obnoxious younger brother, sees a lot of Jack characteristics in Ben, passionate about his paranormal interest despite being picked on by Lily and Sammy, sweet voice)

Side Note: JACK IN THE BOX JESUS THERE ARE A LOT OF KING FALLS AM CHARACTERS! This is just my opinion and my reasoning why I placed them in that house. There are a few characters who have not been mentioned here mainly because few details are given personality-wise. If they are more details given about other characters not listed, I’ll try to add them. Enjoy! :D

[smol-bean-dragon-hoard]

This man is pretty much Frankenstein. I feel like he has square shoulders.

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

KFAM Transcript Guide

Note: My goal in creating these transcripts is to provide readers with as close an experience to listeners as I can. I make a lot of notes on tone and sound descriptions, and manipulate text (without messing with font family or color) in ways that I feel best convey how things are audibly expressed. Therefore, such things are very much subject to my own interpretation.

Things to know:

[these are sound effects, music, background noises]

[these refer to the tone people are speaking in]

*these are sounds people make, like sighs and laughs*

superscripts after words/phrases[1] mean there is an explanation of the reference being made at the end of the transcript

[1] unless it says “sic” instead of a number, which means the words are transcribed as said, even if they’re not said correctly

Any other punctuation or alteration in text is meant to be indication of how things are said.

Notes on frequent callers; most of these are noted upon the character’s first appearance, but left out after that. Anyone not on this list, I either haven’t gotten to or has no real distinctive tone overall. But if you ask I’ll do my best to describe them:

Emily Potter Generally, Emily sounds like sunshine

Troy Krieghauser Troy has a southern accent and sounds like friendship.

Herschel Baumgartner Herschel is a grumpy, old man. He sounds like a swear.

Cecil Sheffield [“Sessil” not “Seesil”] Cecil is also very old. His voice is often slightly shaky and confused, and slurred from drink.

Pete Myers Pete speaks very quickly and is permanently stuck between “It wasn’t me!” and “So there!”

Ron Begley Ron has a deep, gruff voice. He’s definitely a bear. (not the animal kind)

Archie Simmons Archie sounds like a Dramatic Gay™ Gossip with a southern accent and is always accompanied by the yapping of tiny dogs.

Doyle Bevins Doyle is a stoner. He sounds like a stoner.

Cynthia Higgenbaum Cynthia has a high-pitched, nasally, persistent “I want to speak to your manager” voice.

Riley Bevins I legit thought Riley was an automated message at first.

Mayor Steven Grisham Grisham is a smarmy politician. He sounds like a smarmy politician.

Finn Finn has never not been excited in his entire life. His volume suggests he’s always using speakerphone, but I’m not willing to bet on that. (Good for him if he is, though)

Dr. Jeffrey Rosenblum Dr. Rosenblum’s voice is measured and monotonous and mildly creepy at all times, especially when saying words/phrases meant to express any kind of feeling, like “Wowzers.”

Ernie Salcedo Ernie, or whatever he’s calling himself this time, has a heavy New York(-ish) accent. He sounds like the kind of person who says “whosie whatsies”

Howard Ford Beauregard III HFB3 has a “High Class-Better Than You” drawl at all times. Except “High Class” from 200 years ago.

Mary Jensen Mary has a southern accent. She sounds like your best friend’s mom calling you “honey” and asking if you want pie.

Tim Jensen Tim doesn’t have a notable accent/feel to his voice, though he often sounds nervous.

Reverend Xavier Hawthorne Hawthorne leads a for-profit, travelling mega-church. He sounds like it and over enunciates.

Chet Sebastian Chet has a deep, smooth, overly-suggestive voice. Good for jazz, bad for sexual harassment claims.

[CREDITS] King Falls AM is a production of the Make Believe Picture Company. For credits, as well as more information about King Falls AM, you can find us on Twitter @kingfallsam, on Facebook, and at kingfallsam.com. Thanks for listening to 660 on the radio dial.