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euaxel · 4 years

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heyyy, eonia. i’m reid, i’m twenty-three, still can’t read, and all i know about pjo is that it fucking rocks and the protag has the same learning disabilities that i do! also, i picked hypnos for this punk mainly to be mean to him and because in the hades game hypnos bullies me every time i die and i’m kiiiinda into it. hmu on discord one on one for the best plotting experience, but i’ll be around plenty to bug y’all in the gc too. you can read about bastard boy number one right here and under the cut we’ll get down to business.

⟨ ELLIOT FLETCHER. TRANS MALE. HE/HIM. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, AXEL EVERETT is actually a descendent of H Y P N O S. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-TWO year old VIDEO GAME DEVELOPMENT & COMBAT TACTICS MAJOR from BROOKLYN, USA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite WITTY & SELF-DEPRICATING.

be advised, axel’s a pretty heavy character. i’m gonna keep it brief for the bio & need-to-knows, tag around the parts with bold applicable triggers so you can skip around as needed, and tag this post accordingly, but just let me know if i miss anything and i’ll fix it & be safe reading. godspeed and i apologize in advance for bringing you all my personal punching bag as my first muse.

the main triggers that are gonna come up are: parental abuse, alcoholism * major, mentions of bullying, drowning * major, religious trauma, and drug abuse with some harder drugs ( particularly, weed, pills and cocaine / nothing with needles. )

general stats.

— full name , axel harley everett. — nicknames/alias , axe, ax, wolverine jr, tyler durden jr, trouble, Who? - every professor he’s ever had. — house, hypnos and mad about it. — age, 22, as of today. also mad about it. — gender, trans male. — pronouns, he/him. — sexual orientation, bisexual with a somewhat heavy masc lean. — d.o.b, january 1st, 1999. ( generally unknown to anyone but maybe siblings, he will probably lie and say Nobody Knows... I Just Am unless he really fucks with you. ) — hometown,

phys.

— height, 5′0ft even. furious about it. — eyes, brown. — hair, brown. — face claim, elliot fletcher.

misc.

— zodiac, capricorn. — alignment, chaotic good. — character inspo, lip gallagher, steve rogers ( young ), ellie from tlou1, logan howlett, stiles stilinski ( if anyone says shit i will scream ), probably someone from euphoria but i’m too scared to watch that, peter parker ( andrew garfield ), shinsou hitoshi, finn mertens, marceline the vampire queen, dipper pines, this is all over the place but it’s there. — most played spotify songs, passion for publication by anarbor, sober haha jk unless by hospital bracelet, nobody by mitski, class of 2013 by mitski, king princess’ cover of monster from adventure time, way too much phoebe bridgers, in love or whatever by future teens, and the entire front bottoms discography but especially in sickness & in flames with the hard way & bus beat well at the top of his loop. — aesthetics, bloody knuckles, left open and tipped over prescription bottles, walking on the carpet with socks to get that tingly feeling, skateboarding inside, dozing off at the bar, tangled legs in messy sheets, ten pillows on a twin sized mattress, laying down in the shower, brian sella’s cracky singing voice.

bio.

— axel was born and raised in brooklyn, new york, and he was claimed at thirteen, on his thirteenth birthday, by hypnos. — the day he was claimed, axel ceased contact with his human mother and his step-dad, and he attended a camp for half-bloods that wasn’t far from home. he spent his adolescence there year round for safety from monsters at home and abroad, then moved on to eonia. — ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw begin ) i don’t want to be too graphic here so i’m going to plainly say that axel’s mother was a very, very bad person, and the man she married was absent at his best, physically abusive at worst. axel’s powers ( hypnokinesis, namely ) were potent and difficult to control at a young age, and as a deeply religious catholic woman, this scared his mother and influenced most of the animosity in their relationship. she was convinced that the defensive visions he created and his ability to put her to sleep ( an attempt to help her, on his end; insomnia plagued her and later, it would him, too ) were of demonic origin, and tried to drown him more than once; cleansing, she claimed. the worst instance was the day he was claimed, actually — new years day, 2012; his life was saved by hypnos, and that was the last he saw of her. ( parental abuse tw, drowning tw end. ) — that said, he’s a little ( very ) hydrophobic. poseidon kids do NOT fucking interact ( i’m kidding. kind of. he Will avoid a little though ) — anyway! moving on. all of this aside, axel did his best to put his past behind him, and he was actually super stoked to learn that his powers came from somewhere good and that there was places out there for kids like him; to learn he wasn’t any kind of monster. ( still working on believing that, though.. marcelines monster.mp3 right here ) — he’s less stoked when he starts having trouble falling asleep, and really, it feels like a more cruel twist than any other fate has thrown at him ( his upbringing was chock full of mean twists, so that’s saying something ); and really, it’s more like insomnia just full on kicks in, but he can put other people to sleep. great, right? whatever, though — combat classes are kickass and he’s surrounded by babes that think he’s hilarious so things could be totally, way worse. — ( bullying tw (brief) ) for the most part, axel was pretty well liked among his peers. he was bullied as a young kid (pre-claim), but he bit back and he bit back hard, and sure, some of that followed him into his teen years but he’s more confident by then; less fun to poke at, and absolutely unhinged when provoked, so people learn better of it. the only real lasting effect was one instant that hit him a little too deep in the inferiority, when he was seventeen — he fell in love with a girl, told her that, and found himself at the end of a very mean spirited prank. he shook it off like he did anything else, or at least — he told himself he did, even if the hurt hit him somewhere a little too deep rooted ( ie. being god’s most unlovable son would naturally land him here, right? ) love’s kinda stupid anyways, so what the hell, right? (bullying tw end.)

— ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw begin ) this is already obscenely long so i’m just going to keep it to the point here and say he began drinking when he was sneaking booze in to camp at fifteen, and it just never stopped there. he’s also a massive stoner, which is all well, harmless and good for the most part; he’s always grinning, half-lidded, and has a room full of smoke at any given time. it’s the pills that do him in, and he did them at first just so he could get some shut eye, and... well. after that, because he’s dependent on them. but he keeps this part under wraps for the most part; it doesn’t have to be anyone’s problem but his, and it’s not a problem until it is one. partying’s fun, so is coke; so is taking a few too many xan’s, mdma. ( alcoholism tw, drug use tw end )

FUN FACTS!!!

— i swear he is not as doom and gloom as he sounds from the bio, and yeah, writing that made me so sad i feel like we absolutely must hone in on the fun and cute things about him!?! — he loves dnd. he can talk about it for HOURS and if you let him, he absolutely will. — adventure time makes him cry. he’s a baby don’t let him fool you. — very into cryptids, aliens, horror stories, conspiracy theories, in love with ryan from watcher, wanna be shane medej. — he loves to draw! the one thing he loves about his power is what it’s done for his imagination, and sure, he mostly draws horror things, but it’s why he went into video game development. he wants to be a concept artist. — his double major is in combat tactics because he loves fighting. he thinks it’s so fun. he’s a little nuts, actually — i mean, get hit in the face and come up grinning. all he’s ever wanted is to run a fight club and be the shortest, baddest little bitch on the planet. — he tends to nod off in weird places because he doesn’t sleep enough at night, which is sad, but; he can seriously fall asleep anywhere. standing up, in a tree, you name it. — he’s a hobby musician! he loves singing and playing guitar. — he’s a huge flirt. — loves to scare people. he’s harmless, though. like, honestly. he might make you think you’re seeing a walking toadstool but he’ll probably apologize later. — he’s very much a singing in the shower type? — clothes thief. friends and significant others beware. — actually, just kind of a thief? but of weird, little things. like, just the left shoe. puts them in a little corner in his room that he has set up like an exhibit. “things you thought you lost lol” is written on the whiteboard on the wall above it. he likes collecting rocks too. he’s a little freak!! — he’s better at the memory retrieval part of his power than the rest. naturally, as this mostly applies for other people.

WANTED CONNECTIONS. im literally so tired of hearing myself talk...

friends/squad. self explanatory!!! he’s friendly, a class clown, and a loyal friend through and through; he’s also adaptable, and his demeanor is very relaxed and inviting. he’s probably gonna have 2-3 people that he’s really close with, and he’d do quite literally anything for them. seriously, don’t tempt him. a best friend. so this is kind of vague but. i’d really love for him to have one person that is just a tier above the rest? they’d know things about him that are like pulling teeth to find out ( aka, anything deeper than his most recommended podcasts and loudmouth opinions on non important things ), someone who will call him on his shit, and maybe take care of his stupid little self when he gets too fucked up, because they’d be someone he trusts enough to let them. enemies? he probably gets along with most people until given a reason not to? but he is a loud mouth and if one of his friends gets into drama, he will stick his nose where it doesn’t belong and he will throw hands, so it could happen.

harmless rivalries. maybe even steamy ones. he’s a little shit and he likes banter so, so, so much? if given the opportunity and if someone rubs him a certain type of way, he’s so not above being a menace, although never super maliciously. just, you know, annoying the shit out of them on purpose, for fun. he’s also not above blowing a few kisses their way.

current hookups. self explanatory too. he’s a little harlot. HFBHVFNJ. it’s gonna be kinda hard to go beyond sex with him because he’s very deep in his own insecurity but he does catch feelings, he’s just mad about it when he does. i’m mostly gonna go off chem for that though! an ex. could be on friendly terms? but, it should be noted that he could’ve ghosted someone too; or pulled from the relationship when things got serious and he couldn’t choke out that ‘i love you’, even if he felt it. worse, if he did choke it out, but they didn’t feel the same way. siblings. hypnos kids he is gonna be so protective of all of u... family is hard for axel, i’m ngl, but he really wants one is the tragedy of it all, i guess? so he just really wants to be a good brother. he thinks hypnos is kind of a dick for making him but he tries not to fault him for his existence. fuck u dad i dont wanna be alive feels a little unfair. HDBHFDSJ. anyways he’s a good brother even if he is absolutely so reckless and terrifying in regards to himself but his siblings. his siblings he will do anything for. ALSO!!! FOUND FAMILY!!!! it would be kinda nice if he bonded with someone a little older maybe, could be outside of the hypnos house even, someone he’s kind of a bratty-little-brother type with.... or bratty older brother that takes your things and makes you laugh, y’know.

PERSONALITY. just tacking this part of the app on at the end too to highlight parts that i think are important for understanding who he is, and just so it’s all in one place!

toothy grins, half-lidded eyes, and keepin’ them laughing is what it’s all about, baby. axel walks with more confidence in his posture than he’s earned ( or claimed, for that matter ), and it’s the backbone of what gets him by. he’s a glowing example of the fake it ‘til you make it mentality, and he knows what he wants, usually how to get it, and doesn’t mind letting you know that. there’s an ever present mischievous glint in his eyes that says more about what to expect from him than he does, and that’s still not much? he likes to have fun, and there isn’t a whole lot of regard for righteousness or responsibility on his end, but hey! it’s usually only ever at his own expense, so what’s the damage? he’s an absolute clown and he knows it.

axel loves people. he does — you might not guess that with how elusive he is, but it’s true. there’s nothing he likes more than a good conversation with someone interesting, or maybe not even then; if there’s a sparkle in you, he’ll see it. ( might even draw it, not that you’d ever know. ) he’s warm, loyal, compassionate, relaxed, and understanding; and none of that is at the cost of being passive, or lacking passion.

as long as the vibes are right, he’s happy to just be; though, he’s known to have a fuse for certain provocations, and will jump readily at chance to fight in someone else’s honor. also, it’s not unlike him to spar for the sake of sparring; but that’s all in good fun, no worries.

there’s no way to sugarcoat it — axel has an inferiority complex. where that stems from is something he’s more self-aware of than he’s willing to admit, but he doesn’t have the patience or the will to dissect it; much less do anything about it, and he’s as bull-headed as they come — especially regarding anything related to the psyche. how much this impacts his demeanor and relationships with others varies on the situation, but one constant is that he’s going to retreat before things get bad; even if ‘things are getting bad’ exists only as his own paranoia-born hypothetical.

things can’t go bad if you don’t let them, and he’s content to keep it that way; even if it means being stuck in the stasis of missed opportunities. it’s when he’s retreating into himself that he can get irritable, anxious, jumpy; secretive, defensive, even. he’s personable until he isn’t, essentially.

#euintro #ik elliots like 5'7 but i've never let this kid be taller than me and i will not start now #parental abuse tw #bullying tw #drug use tw #alcoholism tw #drowning tw #religious trauma tw #jesus christ whats wrong with me #anyway who wants him #Because I Dont #anyway im not fucking proofreading it JBFGHBFJFBDJSKNMA im so sorry this is a monster in length

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red-elric · 5 years

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so ive read fruits basket like twenty times, and over the last couple of years i noticed that, each time, i was drawn more and more to the characters of kimi and momiji, and identified with them in a way that was really confusing to me because i didnt really think i *actually* had a very similar personality to either of them? (discord friends may disagree but, well, this whole post is going to be about people and characters who change up their personality to be more likable.) i got all introspective about it and finally came to a conclusion about their characters that i subconsciously knew already: the key similarity between the two of them and myself is the way we very carefully layer subtle personality masks for ourselves to protect ourselves and to seem more approachable and likable without actually being vulnerable to other people. (other characters in furuba do this a lot too--key examples that come to mind are tohru, kagura, and yuki--but i care more about momiji and kimi so this is about them.)

to clarify a bit what i mean by this, ill start with a personal example. ive always been pretty good at remembering people’s names, especially if i think theyre cool and want to become friends with them, but i noticed around middle school or high school that people subconsciously find it intimidating/stalkerish if you know their name and they cant remember yours, especially if youve only met once. on the other hand, if they *do* remember your name, and you admit to not remembering theirs, they feel empowered and sympathetic to your situation; and if neither of you remember the other’s name, you have a moment of solidarity that can lead to a more relaxed relationship. so, i started pretending to have a manageable amount of trouble remembering the names of people i wanted to be friends with. the first two or three times that i meet someone, at some point i will use “clarifying their name” as a conversation starter, ie: “you’re....[], right?” or “is it []?” this is a small effect of a pattern of behavior i tend to follow: feigning incompetence to gain trust and camaraderie. is it manipulative? absolutely, but harmlessly so. its directly derived from my own social anxieties, but its a relatively healthy way to feel more connected with my peers and to stop feeling ostracized by people who resent me for being “smarter” than them--something i struggled with a lot in my youth. momiji and kimi dont put up the *same* masks as myself, but they are both rather adept at maintaining their own masks, and are both incredibly socially perceptive in the same way that i am: they analyze people’s reactions to their behavior and sculpt themselves to get the reaction they want.

lets take a look at what this means for kimi. surface level, kimi seems pretty cookie cutter--sure, shes a little chaotic, but she fits quite nicely into the femme fatale/dumb blonde trope (even though shes not blonde). but did you know that shes actually at the top of her class? its subtle, but to me its always been obvious that shes actually incredibly intelligent and constantly manipulating people to suit her needs. there are easy examples of this, of course: flirting with a teacher to get a new whiteboard, anyone? but there’s one scene that’s always spoken volumes to me about her character, and that’s the one-off joke where kakeru starts to say some “secret” about her, clearly joking, and she immediately shuts him down by cutting him off with “don’t say unnecessary things!” and elbowing him in the side, all while still smiling cheerfully. the subtlety of this is that, with her reaction, she’s actually imitating their audience: yuki. it’s yuki she doesn’t want to know about whatever kakeru knows, so she shuts down kakeru in a way we’ve seen yuki yell at kakeru whenever kakeru makes idiotic jokes. the physical attack, the angry smile, accusing kakeru of saying something annoying, but that doesnt really matter; none of these are particularly characteristic to kimi, she causes as much chaos as kakeru on a good day, but they’re incredibly recognizable to yuki. her reaction is familiar to yuki, and it invokes an assumption that kakeru is making a lame joke, not trying to reveal one of her deepest, darkest secrets, and it works because yuki would react completely differently if kakeru tried to tell someone about *his* secrets. yuki doesnt pursue the subject further, kakeru bounces back easily and doesnt give it a second thought, and kimi is safe. so, we can tentatively say that kimi has a habit of reflecting other’s expectations to hide her true self.

now, is this one scene enough on its own to prove this idea? of course not. however, when we view her actions as a whole we start to see a pattern. we see several instances where kakeru will say something stupid and kimi will listen, encourage it, or say something just as stupid back; it’s only when he tries to reveal something about *her* that she shuts him down. we see subtle signs of genuine anger when he tries to reveal her secret: the overly violent jab, the tensed vein/angry eyebrows, etc--not very characteristic for happy-go-lucky, flirtatious kimi. and, of course, we have several examples of how she manipulates a) men into buying things for her, granting her favors, leaving their girlfriends for her, etc; and b) women into feeling inferior to her, feeling aggravated with her, and thinking she’s incredibly troublesome but knowing that they can’t argue with the men about it. overall, its not a far stretch at all to think she’s manipulating everyone around her to avoid revealing information about her true self: a proud, intelligent woman who enjoys causing chaos, but is also very manipulative and controlling to the people around her and hates being vulnerable.

momiji is in some ways similar, and in other ways very very different. most people--especially characters in the story with him--tend to put momiji in this “sweet, innocent child” box. it’s not just his height--his fashion, mannerisms, outlook on life, etc are all very reminiscent of someone much younger than he is, and people tend to *treat* him like he’s much younger than he is. even if they know intellectually that yes, momiji is significantly older than he appears, it’s very easy for the older sohmas to treat him as a troublesome but still loved younger sibling--someone to be taken care of, not taken too seriously, someone lovable. i’ve seen several people point out that part of *why* momiji does this is because he subconsciously feels that hes not allowed to act like an older sibling (to momo), so he acts as a younger sibling in an effort to get a similar sort of familial bond without overstepping the boundaries that his family instilled in his mind, and i agree. i believe momiji has a habit of feigning youth to more easily bond with the people he loves. his childish actions and behavior make him easier to deal with, and also give him a little more leeway to do things that would normally frowned upon if he appeared older, ex: sleeping in a bed with tohru, wearing a girl’s uniform top to school, taking any chance he can get to be physically affectionate with people, indulging in sweets and candy, etc.

two things draw momiji’s true personality out of its shell: his growth spurt, forcing people to acknowledge his actual age, and the breaking of his curse. late game momiji, to me, has always seemed bitter, tired, and sarcastic, as opposed to the sweet, energetic, and sincere front he’d put on for most of the series, which is very interesting to me. of course, you’d normally *expect* someone who’s gone through as much as momiji to *be* bitter, tired, sarcastic, etc; however, when he puts his child-like mask on, it’s easy to pretend that he’s this loving, saintly child who bears no ill will towards anyone, who can be knocked to hell and back and still stand back up to smile again. and i do think it’s true that momiji has an incredible capacity for forgiveness and love, but there’s also no denying that he has a limit, and we can see that during his first conversation with akito after his curse breaks. this, i think, is the most raw, true representation of momiji in the whole story; momiji has lost his link with the family he made for himself in the zodiac, he’s been physically forced to grow out of his persona, he’s finally seeing that his primary abuser is really not so powerful after all, and he’s forced to finally confront the fact that, while his curse, the thing that caused most of the troubles in his life, is broken, the impacts it already had on his life won’t magically go away. momiji in this scene seems completely disconnected from akito, who is still caught up in the curse, still desperately trying to hold everything together; in his lowest moment, we can finally see momiji, not as an all-forgiving saint, but as someone who just wants to start over. he’s not happy that his curse ended; id even go as far to say that momiji, out of every zodiac, is the one who most wishes it was still around, for the bond that it gave him with the other zodiacs and as something he could pin the blame on for his family struggles. which is why it is so sad to me that his was among the first to break.

now, yall probably know by now that i am a momimi bitch, so lets talk about them together. most of the people i see shipping them--and i fully admit, this is how i started shipping them--simply just say “same energy,” make a few cute headcanons about how they’d use each other for clout, and call it a day. this is perfectly fine. however, here at Overthinking It Inc., we take it a few steps deeper. personally, i have a hard time getting invested in a ship unless i can see how the characters compliment each other, how they help each other grow, and how they could genuinely enjoy each other’s company enough to pursue a romantic relationship. it took a little bit of obsessive extrapolating, but ive finally figured out just *how well* momiji and kimi compliment each other.

momiji, at the end of furuba, is going through a metamorphosis. he’s been forced out of his childish persona and into the life of an adult rather quickly, and he takes the opportunity to try to become more true to himself. we can see, in the last few chapters, the beginnings of bounds of growth; however, i imagine that there is a significant “awkward” period in his growth. judging from what i know about his character, i believe he would, in his effort to be more honest and confident, overcompensate a bit; he would become overbearing, intense, perhaps even oversharing. he might have a tendency to try to figure out what’s “wrong” with his friends and family, might always be trying to “fix” everything. i could easily see him, in fact, develop a bit of a selfish attitude (albeit rooted in kindness--it is, after all, still momiji); in his journey to stop letting people walk all over them, i believe he might become prone to walking over people himself. he’d have no idea where the lines are, where someone’s limits are, because he never had the chance to test them out in his youth, and because the people in power in his life (his parents and akito) never respected anyone else’s limits. enter kimi: tough, walled off, and incredibly secretive, though she tries to hide it. momiji, with his social perceptiveness, would notice at some point how difficult it is for her to form genuine, emotional connections with others, and would feel the urge to help her, to draw her out of her shell, not realizing that she doesnt necessarily want to be understood, nor that she’s (now entering headcanon territory, be warned) *scared* of those kinds of relationships. she’d take it, for a while, but there would come a time when she’d snap. this would do wonders for helping momiji figure out where the boundaries are, and how to be more aware of other people’s wants and needs (and it is something that tohru, reserved little wallflower that she is, would never be able to do for him).

kimi, on the other hand, has not quite started developing her character at the end of the manga. i like to apply all sorts of believable anxieties onto her: maybe she regrets not having an easy connection with other girls, like she does with boys. maybe she refuses to believe in the familial structure (that momiji idolizes). maybe she’s so used to playing the part of the homewrecker that, when she finally realizes that she’s found something or someone she truly loves, she doesn’t know how to handle it, and always worries that somebody’s going to take it away for her. maybe she views connections with others, or vulnerability, as a weakness, something that could be used against her, and tries to do everything she can to wall people off and hide her true feelings. well, good news for her, momiji is the resident king of loving family structures. family is something he truly loves and understands, from how much he’s admired it from afar, and been grateful for the family he’s made for himself in hatori, tohru, and the other zodiac. he’s well primed to help her understand what a true family is like, that real love is a good thing, not a scary thing, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. this big, sweethearted doofus who somehow managed to see how much she was struggling under the many layers of masks that she hides beneath? there’s no way kimi wouldnt fall for him. and she, this girl who challenges everything he believes in, teaches him valuable lessons about how far is too far, and is basically the most fun person he’s ever met? there’s no way momiji wouldn’t fall for her.

i believe the two of them would start things off as almost a play; theyd portray a satire of the ideal male and female celebrity couple rather easily; theyd lean into the standard boy and girl roles almost ridiculously so, drawing attention to the absurdity of the standard relationship and somehow flirting through it. kimi, as we know, likes to pretend to be this helpless, flirtatious, “i couldnt possibly do anything on my own, oh whatever shall i do O3O” caricature of the feminine “ideal” to draw men in; momiji, i feel, would respond to that with a dorky, happy-go-lucky, “i can help you with that, miss ; )” caricature of the masculine, “ideal” gentleman, just for fun. theyd put on a show, for each other, for their peers, and for themselves, but they would eventually run into some troubles (detailed above). things would be tense, but theyd keep up their personas--why would they *ever* admit to their flaws to the outside world, theyre perfect? their friends would notice, of course, but wouldnt be able to do much about it; in the end, the only people perceptive enough to read through the bullshit of one is the other. theyd come to an understanding--spoken or unspoken (with the subtleties of their relationship, its not unreasonable that they could change their entire perspective of their relationship with just actions, not direct words or conversation)--and shift back into their previous, flirtatious relationship, except its different this time. because now, they understand each other, they love each other, theyre practically reading the other’s mind, and theyre perfectly in tune. rather than putting on masks to hide from each other, they wear one together to hide from the world--but, they think, that’s probably enough.

#meta #it me #long post #and i do mean loooooong #kimi toudou #momiji sohma #momimi #please dont criticize me too harshly im not trained in writing and i do this for fun #<3 #fruits basket #fruits basket spoilers

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bubblesnort1626 · 2 years

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Like I'm just gonma start rambling cause who the hell else is gonna listen at least here it's like cool i understand and don't expect anyone to reply or anything but like I started watching never have i ever and its so. Mid but so,, addicting?

Cause like i don't usually watch stupid teen drama stuff or like riverdale or glee or anything i usually watch animated shows and the good place and community and that's it really its like cool though the good place was SO GOOD

But maaaaaan ever after high is just. So. Its not mlp yk and never have i ever is just. Probably what i need? Probably not. Idk lmao

What I'm trying to say is: My commissions are open go to my Instagram go to my website dm me on tumblr dm me. On discord literally just dm me wherever you want hopefully I'll see it hell yeah https://bobbyjenkers.carrd.co see you there

Also digital art has become SOOOOO hard and stressful cause my tablets only compatible with my phone properly now it doesn't work with my lenovo tablet cause the softwares too old and ut doesn't work with my chromebook cause the softwares updated too much to recognise it as a mouse like it used to. I don't know if its my fault or the tablets fault or the computers fault but I'm so mad dude!!! I was so happy when i got that little guy! I think the last thing i drew with it that made me happy was either some whiteboard I did with some people or my madoka drawing so that's why my comms are only digital for now. Until i find out how to make digital art less stressful other than using fucking apk krita for mobile or sony sketch the app that's been discontinued and doesn't let you choose a file size bigger than 1000p with a resolution of more than 20ppi then like. Idk I'm gonna see if xp pen has added any drivers to chromebook devices wish me luck

#long post #ramble

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queenburd · 6 years

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Game Night

9k? Nine fucking thousand words? fuck me. i never intended for this to happen. I NEVER intended for this to get so damn long winded. I am SO sorry.

Alright. Look. There’s a LOT of material here I seem like I’m bullshitting. I have had.... so many..... conversations....... about Kass on Discord. ALL of this is drawn from that. and for this, I am sorry, because it seems like I’m making up 95 percent of it. I’m not. I swear.

That said I don’t pretend to call this nightmare work canon. It’s an excuse for me to talk about Queenie a bit and get into the meat of Kass’s current.... problems, as well as the best way to grow past them, but that doesn’t mean shit 8P

En.....joy???????

Game Night

On occasion, it catches him off guard how he hardly questions the current setup of his life.

Kass is 38, now. He's spent the last two decades of his life distinctly aware of almost every detail of every monster he's come face to face to. Once they were dealt with, he'd wipe the slate clean, do the paperwork, file it, and move onto the next one. If he needed to find a solution to a problem, or find a weakness, he'd demand one instead of ask for it. He'd force a square peg into a round hole until it was effective, shaving it down by his own hand, and then he'd move forward.

He supposes that's why he doesn't find a whole lot of intrigue now, living with a person (a scip) he knows next to nothing about. Any curiosity he might have had has since been pulled out of his soul through his thoroughly scarred kneecaps.

(Taking time to ask questions could get you killed, so it was a waste of time.)

Add to that an exhausting sort of apathy towards life and existence in general, and Kass can figure out fairly easily why he's stopped thinking too hard about the situation. It doesn't really matter, he supposes. The thing he lives with has decided to house him, and there are easier ways to try to kill him, so his death is clearly not an end goal for her. She's not harming him--she doesn't even ask him to do much.

There had been an irritable itch, or concern, at the beginning, that this was all some scheme to get him to "become a nicer person" or what-have-you. You know the plot: be nice to a kicked puppy, feed it a couple times, and watch it become a loving companion. She'd be sorely disappointed, Kass knew, and it wouldn't last long, but by that point he'd figure something out and it would be fine. She'd eventually report to Simon, who would clearly be in on the "get Kass to be nice" scheme, that it had failed, and maybe he'd finally be left alone.

The demands he had waited for never came. May had never sat him down and told him to change his tune. Occasionally, Kass would leave his boots out in the middle of the room, or ditch his dishes by the sink, and expect some comment. At most, he'd come into the kitchen later and find her cleaning them as she made dinner, or his shoes would be moved, and she'd mention that she was on a cleaning spree anyway, but "try not to make a habit of it, okay?"

He had pushed his luck, sometimes. When he could find the energy, could muster the attitude, he would be an incredible ass. He would insult her to her face, he would leave his cigarette holder on the coffee table and drink the last of the milk before she could make breakfast.

And May never even seems to even flinch.

There are some days she seems short on patience, and when Kass pushes her on those days she might snap at him, or her sarcastic responses could come off sharper and meaner than she'd intend. Kass would think to himself, finally, we're getting to familiar territory.

And then she'd pull back, apologize, try to explain that she wasn't feeling wonderful, and move along. It unsettles him.

He doesn't really know how to get under her skin. There are some comments that seem to almost get there, comments about how young she looks or her caw of a laugh, but she'd make a joke right back about it, make fun of herself, and then Kass would feel like he'd made no progress. There's no point in mocking a person who laughs at themself right alongside you.

It feels, to him, like all he can muster these days is apathy towards everything, or a frustration that things can't be like they were before. He feels--powerless, he supposes, and tired, and most of the time numb, and when he's not numb he wants to be angry. He wants control of some kind.

And he can't have any control, because Kass knows nothing about the one person who he's around long enough to consider someone he can use.

Maybe it's his fault for never asking. It isn't particularly like May is a secretive person--she tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. Maybe she doesn't have much use of secrets.

They get along fine, he supposes. On occasion, he will be smoking with the kitchen window open, and he'll spot a familiar back lightning strike across the fence, unmoving. Watching. He takes the time to flip it off and gets back to his smoke, but the distance is more than enough to keep his skin from crawling the way it used to. May will make her presence known through the front door a moment later and Kass will look to the kitchen door, and when he looks back to the fence, the bolt is gone.

After she hands him Frank one cold night, the apathy starts to withdraw a little. Not a lot--there's still so much looming awareness of his obsolescence as an ex-agent--but enough for Kass to look at himself in the tiny bathroom's mirror and think, Christ, my hair's a wreck. That's--that's funny, because he hasn't thought something like that for what feels like years. He hasn't looked at himself in the mirror with much more than disinterest or general disdain for his entire existence.

One afternoon, Kass goes out, and buys himself a razor. He comes back to 3, Tesla Drive, locks himself in the upstairs bathroom, and doesn't come out for almost a half hour.

He comes out with his goatee trimmed back into shape, grabs his roommate by the wrist sharply, and says, "You can draw a straight line. Get the back where I can't see."

To her credit, she catches on quick as she can, and while the top of his undercut is still on the long side, Kass looks at his face in the mirror and almost recognizes the person blinking back. Maybe the lines of his face seem deeper. The shadows under his eyes seem a deeper purple than they'd once been, and his cheekbones seem a little sharper.

But he sees them, now. He didn't see them before. He didn't look. Didn't try.

Awareness starts to return. He sings awful songs in the shower. He bickers with Frank over stupid, unimportant shit, and he still drinks and he still wears his trenchcoat, but May will send him stupid cat videos and he'll audibly snicker. He finally finishes Saints Row 4, and the DLCs, and puts down the game. He's got a lot of time on his hands, he finds.

He starts to pay attention. He goes on walks. He ventures out of his bedroom to sit in the living room with his laptop and leaves windows open to let cold fresh air in.

It seems... stupid. It's not exactly a huge shift from what Kass was doing before, nor is it a change in his personality or his actions. Yet it's less of his being on autopilot, and more of him finding small satisfaction in the actions.

Frank tries to comment on it, from time to time. Kass doesn't have much in the way of a response or retort other than a quipped "no idea what you're on about, BB-8."

The point is, Kass finds himself questioning things again, having more than a passing thought about a subject. He's nowhere near where he could be in terms of interest or enthusiasm, but he's thinking like he used to. He's looking out for himself, keeping his best interests in mind, and that means knowing more about the situation he's in, and any factors he should be aware of that might pose a threat to him.

It's a start.

Rain comes down in sheets on the house, winter slipping into spring in an uncouth manner. Kass kicks off his boots he'd wiped on the mat to little avail, pushing them aside with his striped sock as he shudders hard. His head is cold, the shaved sides proving little defense against the storm, and he sheds his coat to hang it on the door's hanging peg to drip-dry.

"When one feels like a duck, one is happy, my arse," he mumbles to no one in particular.

"What did you say? Didn't quite catch it," Frank replies as he is pulled out of the coat pocket, blessedly dry. Kass makes a little sniff of a noise, examining the PDA to be certain no water slipped into the thick plastic's seams.

"Nothing."

He pushes a hand through his hair as he crosses through the living room and into the kitchen, and then pauses and retraces his footsteps, to the couch, where the lump is snoring softly, now, at 4 in the afternoon.

Skeptically, he checks the whiteboard schedule, and yes, May is at this moment supposed to be at her midday shift, which would be ending in the next half hour. Here she is instead, looking worse for wear, her glasses on the arm of the sofa.

Hm.

Kass opts to ignore the little comatose bundle. He putzes around the house, stealing the pack of oreos from the pantry and his laptop from the bedroom, and settles into the recliner in the living room with two cookies already stuffed fully into his mouth. The snoring is not distracting, for how soft it is, so when he pops his seat back and pops open Plague Inc, he zones it out.

So it's not the ceased snoring that has Kass looking up from his game (which, unfortunately, is not going in his favor in any way) but the tiny whine that May makes as she stretches and uncurls herself from the blanket. She arches her back and then relaxes again, squinting at him in a worn, confused way.

"What."

"Y'got crumbs."

Oh. Kass scrubs his face with the end of his sleeve, brushing crumbs out of his beard. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

May struggles to sit up from her little bundle with a grimace. "I felt like shit this morning, so I called out. Could tell I'd be more of a hindrance than a help if I went. Pass me a cookie?"

He tosses an oreo, and it thuds off the back cushion of the couch onto her chest, shedding crumbs. May tilts her head, lips pursed, before she nods. "Didn't mean that literally, but okay. Thanks."

"Any improvement?" Kass asks, disinterested, popping another cookie into his mouth.

"A little. Not much. I just feel exhausted and useless, I guess." May sticks the cookie into her mouth, munching quietly, and then reaches behind her, and slips her glasses on. "I. I also think I might be stuck here."

He snorts, watching her try once, twice, to pull herself up, and fail each time, and then balances his laptop on the arm of the recliner. "Stay put."

Kass stands, and slips into the kitchen. When he returns, May is peeking at him from over the couch with clouded curiosity.

"Wassat."

"That is Irish cream and root beer." He hands her one of the glasses over the couch, sipping his own tall glass and moving back round to close his laptop and drop beside the small girl. He grabs the remote and flicks on the TV.

"Why is alcohol your go-to for bad moods. This is a horrible coping mechanism."

"So, I should drink both glasses myself then?"

May curls defensively around her glass. "No. This is mine."

"That's what I thought."

She nurses the glass while Kass flicks through Netflix near-thoughtlessly, bored. "I should really get up and cook dinner...."

Kass tsks, flicking down. No, no documentaries, no thrillers this evening, thanks. "I'll order a pizza. Stay put, princess. Hey, Frank, what're you in the mood for tonight?"

"Hm! Well, the boys were watching the wonderful new version of, oh, what's his name, Billy Niel?"

"What, with my card? Don't do that."

"Bill Nye, Frank. Fine, Bill Nye Saves The World it is."

"Kass, do not use my card to buy pizza, payday's not till next week."

"Would you shut it, birdy." Kass drops the remote, and squints impatiently at his couchmate. "I have two secret bank accounts I've managed to keep funneled funds from Foundation days,I don't exactly need you to--"

"What."

"Oh, what now."

"I've been giving you my own money for groceries!!!"

"Yes. And it's very handy petty cash for cigarettes, thanks for that."

May stares at him for a long moment, face scrunched up in dramatic disbelief, and then slowly, intensely, raises a middle finger. Kass laughs hard enough to start a coughing fit and raises his phone to make the order.

An hour later, they're digging into a meat-lover's pizza and their third glasses of spiked soda. Kass has opted to bring the whole bottles out, set on the edge of the coffee table besides the open pizza box. He watches May in his peripheral vision, as she picks the loose pieces of bacon off her slice and pops them into her mouth.

She's not drunk--Kass hasn't given her nearly enough alcohol for that. He's never really seen her drunk, but she does get giggly and at ease. It's the ease he's looking for.

It's been a while since he's had an ulterior motive. He's probably a bit rusty, but Kass is, quite frankly, sick of being in the dark about the people he's around, when they have all the facts about him. So when he tops off her glass with an extra kick of the Bailey's, he asks without any change in his tone, "How the hell does a literal figure of royalty end up working retail?"

"Same way an ex-SCP agent ends up living in her house," May shoots back, sticking her tongue out at him immaturely. "Are we asking questions now?"

"Is that illegal?"

"Like you ever do anything legal, buzzboy." She dives into another slice, sucking the crumbs off her fingers and thumb. "I'm just saying," the girl continues, gesturing with the cup a bit, "You've been here like, what.... two months? And I'll admit I was expecting it way earlier."

Kass sits back, unsettled. She's done that thing again--he hates it--where it's almost like she can see right through him, and she never makes a big deal out of it, and it makes the back of his neck itch. How does she do that? Is he that obvious? Has he gotten that bad at this?

"But, I mean, it's fine. You're an adult and I don't mind, ignore my snark. Actually--" He's caught off guard by the finger pointed in his face, "Let's play a game!"

"I don't think I want to play a game with you."

"Hush. Here's the game. Back and forth questions about each other--you ask one, I ask one, you know. Until somebody wants to stop. And--" she says emphatically, "before you get all zip mouthed on me--"

"Zip mouthed?" Frank asks at the same moment that Kass mouths the phrase in utter horror.

"Zipper mouth. Like in cartoons?"

A blank stare.

"Christ--tight lipped, s'at better? Before you get all tight lipped on me, you can pass on a question. I get that lying is second nature for you, but honestly, there's no need to--if you don't want to answer a question, then just say 'pass'. Other person tries a new question."

May chews for a moment, and then smiles with a full mouth. "That's not so bad, right? Sound like something you want to try?"

Kass feels the tension in his spine--it had been mostly relaxed up to the moment he'd been called out for what he'd been doing. It feels like looking into the mouth of a trap--he's not stupid enough to stumble right into it without staring it right in the teeth first.

"I'd rather not. There is an opt out option here, yes? You imply there is an opt out, and I think I have better things to do with my time than let you prod me with--" he wraps his index and middle fingers around the phrase-- "personal questions."

Her smile becomes a full-cheeked pout, before May swallows and says, "I mean, nobody's forcing you into anything here. This isn't a contract or something. I just figured... you probably have a ton of questions but don't know how to ask them." Her shoulder goes up in a half shrug. "You're the kind of person who will try to get information subtly so the other person doesn't know you're giving it, but I'm offering. It's easier like this, isn't it?"

Hell--again?

Kass looks away from her, at the screen, unseeing. The part of him that's been waking up again--the one that is aware he's sitting beside a scip, and knows how dangerous that is--is trying to tell him to run. He's trusted that voice for so many damn years when he didn't trust anything else.

But it's just not as strong as it once was. The apathy, and more importantly, the curiosity and interest, they are stronger than that voice for now, because--

He's not an agent anymore.

"This is an incredibly boring game you've designed--at least make some stakes if you want my interest, bird."

"Oh?" May asks, curiously. "What stakes?"

One last effort to make her back out before him.

"Make it a strip game when someone passes--"

"No? Are we fourteen and dating? Are we two idiot children in a bedroom with the door slightly ajar because of parents? No, christ." May snorts loudly, shaking her head. "Don't be a teenager."

"Then make your game more interesting or I'm going back to an actual game with real stakes." Kass downs his glass, and looks at the empty thing, mouth a thin line.

"Hm. Is there enough alcohol in that bottle for a shots game?"

He lifts the bottle in question, weighing it. "Er--maybe. Shot when a person passes a question?"

"That sounds fair, yeah?"

A voice chirrups before Kass can reply. "This sounds like fun! Can I play?"

"How is that supposed to work, then, Frank?"

"Yeah, um, I would say two people questioning me is a little less fair than one."

Frank pauses as though in thought, and then chimes pleasantly, "Well, I suppose if you ask Kass things and he decides to lie, I can just correct him for you."

Kass blinks, taken aback, and then turns the PDA, mic down. "Stay out of this, Frank."

"Oh, let an old man have some fun!"

May laughs behind her fingers, cheeks round and pink. When she finally regains her composure, she grins at Kass again, knees pulled up to her chest. "So? Are we playing?"

Kass gives her a dead stare for a moment, and then huffs out through his nose.

"Fine. I'll bite."

She settles against the couch arm, apparently pleased, and gestures at Kass vaguely. "Okay then. Ask your first question."

He's put on the spot. He's not one to freeze in headlights--self preservation has always assisted in that, but Kass again finds himself thinking how ridiculous this all is. This--everything about this is bizarre.

"Come on, don't close off on me now, dude."

"Fine, fine, give me a bleeding moment to think, won't you?" Kass snaps, busying himself with refilling his glass. "Right, okay, I suppose I'll ask again. How does the literal ruler of birds end up working in retail? Is it for shits and giggles?"

"Pff," she starts, "like anybody would work retail for giggles. I, mm." The girl shrugs, "I gotta make money somehow. I mean, I don't necessarily need to, I was just staying in bird form and had physical nests for a while, but I was always saving up and working odd jobs. I was saving for.... years, jeez."

She stretches in place, continuing, "I wanted to be, yanno, a person, and having a house is way more comfortable than a nest or having an apartment. So I've been working for a while--I just don't make a big deal about it, yanno?"

Then May hums, settling back. "Hope that was a decent enough answer. Gotta fake being a person somehow. My turn."

Kass waits, avoiding her gaze by staring at the screen, and doesn't really relax when she says, "Okay, here's my question."

"Shoot, pipsqueak."

"How old were you when you joined the Foundation?"

Oh. Diving right in, apparently.

Kass scratches behind his ear. She's got balls, he supposes. It's an innocent enough question.

"About seventeen or eighteen--probably closer to the latter. It was less of me joining and more of them grabbing me by the scruff of the neck while I'd been hostel jumping cross country."

There's a followup question in her face--he answers it unprompted. "I was scip hunting on my own until they turned up. I was good at it too--good at staying alive, at least."

He does not expand further--it goes into a sort of unpleasant territory. Normally, Kass wouldn't mind bringing up further details, watching people squirm, but--

The memory of Pickman's hand raised to strike, and he had been maybe twelve, and--

He didn't particularly want to think about it.

Whatever the case, he's answered the question. The girl across from Kass is waiting expectantly, smiling crookedly with her arms wrapped around her pulled up knee. He took another swig of his glass and then set it on the coffee table, turning his body to face her.

"Alright, tweety bird, explain the things you can do to me. I know you're a shapeshifter, and I know you can do some party tricks, and I'd like a clearer picture of the kind of thing I'm dealing with."

"He comes out and asks!" May says dramatically, throwing a hand in the air. "By jove!"

"Hey, you overgrown tit, this was your idea. Mockery doesn't suit you as well as it does me," Kass remarks sharply, ignoring the tsk from the PDA. "Shut it Frank, a tit's a kind of bird."

"Just because you say it is, does not make it true."

"Nope, nope, Kass is right, there's an entire species of bird called tits," the girl says with a bit of a cackle. "Are you proud of your pun, Kass? Be proud."

Her smile is almost too wide for her face--it's like nothing ever bothers her. Nothing gets under her skin. When she finally talks, it's without restraint or discomfort.

"Most of my abilities are healer and protector based--every queen kind of goes for a theme, I guess." She holds up her fingers, adding one as she goes. "I can heal from.... basically any damage, no matter the severity. I can, um, transfer other people's wounds to myself, which will still heal in record time with light and heat. I can produce shields, I can turn into multiple bird forms, I can see potential energy, mm. Supposedly I have creation magic, but I've never really tried it out."

Kass squints at her. "Why not just call yourself a phoenix?"

"I mean, I suppose I am, but phoenixes are more Greek in origin and the crown is more Egyptian based? Semantics. Plus, I don't like being a phoenix when I can be more unassuming. Oh!" May said suddenly, lighting up. "Also! I'm a major empath."

"....what."

She grins, the smile a little more conniving around the edges than Kass would like, as pieces slide into place far too smoothly.

"Oh, titfuck. You're completely serious."

He's met perhaps a couple empaths before, safer locked up Scips that just had a strong tendency to unnerve people. He hadn't liked it then, either.

"Sorry, dude. You might be unreadable to most everybody else, but I can pick up your tension a mile away."

Kass makes a small, aggravated noise, and pinches his brow hard. A fucking empath, he should have realized far earlier what he was dealing with, but the level of numbness had gotten in the way, and hell, it's painfully obvious in retrospect. He remembers, vaguely--

"Can I ask--what's eating at you?"

"You can deny it as much as you like, but I know what it looks like when someone's considering lying down in the road as a legitimate option."

She had known, this entire time. Maybe the kid isn't a mind reader, and maybe she doesn't always get it right, but Kass is suddenly very clearly aware of his mood, and his frustration, and his numbness that he's felt for months.

May curls up, her knees pressed to her chest. "Hell. I'm sorry man--if it's any consolation, I try really hard to give you space, I try to not intrude other than to.... be nice when you don't seem well."

And is that a consolation? It's not a major one--it feels like she has the upper hand on him.

Well.

Kass decides, very maturely, to scowl, and down his entire refilled spiked drink in a single go. When he finishes, he sets the empty cup back down, and wipes his mouth on his sleeve with all the energy of a pissy rooster, filled with too much energy. "Right. Well, now I know, don't I, Jean Grey."

"Oooh, an empath with the name Phoenix, that's a double whammy, nice." May blinks at him above her knees, smiling in what seems to be a conciliatory manner. "Please don't be too mad?"

"I'm not mad, christ, what am I, your dad?"

"You seem mad," she replies, a touch quieter. "Or at least pretty annoyed. I'm really sorry--I can't exactly control it. It's a passive thing, it's always going."

"I'm fine," Kass says sharply, as though it's not--well, not her he's speaking to, but someone who knows when to quit. "Just ask your damn question, princess, it's your turn."

The girl seems caught off guard, as though she had expected him to have an outburst, or, more likely, end their little stupid charade. When she speaks again, she clears her throat to strengthen it.

"Y--You said you used to go cross country. What are some places you visited, both as an agent and as a teen? Any favorites that stick out?"

His mouth still feels pinched in unpleasant ways, but Kass massages his jaw. "Give me a second to think--Frank, did you have any favorites?"

"Oh, me? Well, I suppose I was just quite happy to be out of my cardboard box, but if I had to choose, I thought some of the upper east coast was lovely! It was, oh, where was it--Vermont, that was it!"

Kass is pulled out of his mood, caught off guard. "Vermont? The Brunswick one? Really?"

"Very relaxing, if I recall. A quick discussion with the natives patched up the whole thing, didn't it?"

"Right, you would look at it like that." He looks up, and May is blinking at the pair of them in curiosity and wonder. "Right. Well--I was kept mostly on this half of the continent after recruitment. Before, though, I had started out in southern California and worked my way northward and eastward, I suppose."

Kass rubs his chin in thought, and continues. "I bused, hitchhiked, and took trains when I could, to Chicago. Made some pit stops--visited San Francisco once."

She lights up then. "It sucks, right!?"

"Oh, absolutely, awful prices for shit food and atmosphere."

"Oh my god, thank you. California's a damn nightmare, it's so hot."

"It's terrible."

She laughs a little. "God, I lived in the Bay Area for most of my life, I hated almost every second of it. What a wasteland."

"That's where the orphanage was, you know. St Andrew's Children's Home was in California. Of course, it was closer to the mountains, where snow actually existed."

"California snow. An oxymoron if I've ever heard one," May shakes her head in disbelief. "Jeez. You're up."

Kass steeples his fingers, eyeing his roommate, the side of his mouth drawn up. He can't tell if it's a scowl or a smile. He still feels on the edge of uncomfortable, displeased with being so easily read. He's uncertain if he can salvage this, bring the odds back in his favor.

Finally, he settles on pursuing his previous route. Kass points his pressed together fingers in her general direction.

"You clearly talk about a time before being the queen, so one has to assume you were just a human before. How did you become the queen, with all these powers?"

May's smile turns into a sort of pursed, uncertain expression. She looks a bit at war with herself, and Kass waits, watching carefully as she sits upright from where she'd been prone.

"Sorry, give me a sec, I'm trying to figure out what I can and can't tell you." When she's finished readjusting herself, she nods once as though coming to a compromise. "Okay, this is a bit of a story."

He sits back and waits.

"When I was in college, I went abroad to different parts of Europe. I had always loved mythology and stories," May explains, gesturing a little bit as she speaks. "At one point, I found this story that seemed.... expansive, but underdeveloped? As though there were missing details, vague notations. And I started looking for these details, and the more I looked, the more it became almost a treasure hunt. I followed it--I'm not one to do things halfway."

May isn't looking at Kass; she's not looking at anything, really. She's fiddling with the necklace absentmindedly.

"I found the crown, and--the story had told me what to expect, but it wasn't like that at all, it was so much more. It's alive, a living thing, and it looked at me, and it said I had to earn it. So I did."

May refocuses on him, and smiles a little sheepishly. "It--well, this part's a bit unpleasant--it basically ripped me apart and remade me into this. It made me into something that could endure pretty much anything in the world. I know that's not very clear, but I can only say so much about the process other than how I got to it."

Kass squints. "You followed a story and found a priceless relic?"

A sheepish nod.

"Christ. You're all living in a fantasy land. You're a Disney protagonist."

She snorts quietly, and her smile is small. "My turn?"

"Yeah, shoot."

She fidgets a bit, looking round the room, and refocuses on him. "Okay, um, disclaimer. Simon's an enormous blabbermouth, even though he means well."

Well, yeah, Kass knows that. He hates it.

"He told me about the whole thing with O'Malley--mentioned it, really. I never prodded it, it wasn't my business, but I was wondering if I co--"

"Pass," he replies darkly, already grabbing the creamer bottle by the neck and drinking it straight.

"Okay. That's fair. Sorry, let me think of something lighter." A few beat pass, before she follows up. "Okay, here's a stupid one for you. Favorite season?"

Kass snorts as he screws the bottle cap back on. "You're right, that is a stupid question."

"I don't see you going to drink."

He harumphs. "...If I've got to choose, then fall. Early fall, before it gets cold enough to freeze your ass right off."

May hums in response. "That is a very pretty time. All the leaves, and just the stillness."

"....Yeah," Kass says. "I suppose."

"S'your question. Take your time, no rush."

Kass thinks for a few long minutes. In the short time they've played this game, he's learned a hell of a lot, and most of it more concerning than calming. It's not everything, though, and some answers have caused more questions. For example:

"Alright. Riddle me this, Pidgey--if you're an empath, and you know the kind of person I am, with multiple somewhat reliable sources, then how in the hell have you maintained your temper. How are you so damn bleeding patient and, christ, altruistic? Don't you get sick of it?"

He's not really looking at her as he asks, more involved in his own gesturing and his own mild self loathing. Between them, he can hear Frank gently chiding his snappish tone. "Kass..."

When Kass finally looks at May, he is caught off guard by the expression on her face. It's comical disbelief.

"Bitch.... I am the angriest person I know!"

"Wh--"

"I am so angry all the time!!! I work in retail! I get mad about fictional characters! Loud noises are upsetting and don't even get me started on screaming children. I got mad about rompers the other day, Kass. Rompers. I hate them so much. Does this look like a patient person with a good temper?"

"Oh my word," Frank says, and Kass can't help himself from laughing, hard, like barking, so caught by surprise at her outburst.

"Angry birds isn't just a game anymore Kass!"

"Oh my god."

May sits up aggressively, pointing a finger in an accusatory manner at him.

"You think you're the worst? I've had roommates leagues worse than you! Leagues! You think you come even close to the medal for grossest, or rudest, or most infuriating? Bitch, my college roommate rented an apartment with me and within four months, made sexual advances on me, never apologized, lost his job, and didn't pay his portion for the last month of rent. He lied about getting me the money for three weeks, and avoided me the fourth. And then!"

She throws her hands into the air, absolutely incensed. "When I moved out and the leasers cleaned the place, they sent me pictures of the mess he left behind. Including, I shit you not, numerous, still dirty and used, sex toys."

".....No. No."

"Yes!" May squawks. "You could try for centuries and never reach the level of disgust I managed to gather for that man child! Do not flatter yourself!"

Kass, equally horrified and amused, flinches away as she kicks childishly in his direction without much energy behind it. "Alright, okay, calm down, chrissake."

She huffs, and then releases all the energy she's gathered from her chest, coming down from her intensity. "Like, yes, I try really hard to be nice, and give people a hand. That just comes naturally to me. But I'm also super impatient and I have my limits to what I'll tolerate. As you can see, however," and May gestures aggressively again, "It's a very skewed, curved limit. You're better than anything I've dealt with before. Take from that what you will."

She is still making a face when she settles, of utter disgust, and then she shakes her head rapidly as though to clear it. "Christ. Sorry. That guy was just. Gross."

"I've gathered that, Tweety. Do yourself a favor and take a breath, why don't you. It's your go."

She does take a breath, and releases it in a raspberry noise through her lips.

"Good lord, young lady," Frank says, seeming a touch harassed. "You worked yourself up something fierce."

"I like to swear, Frank. Don't tell me you're not used to it."

"From him, yes. Not from you."

"Psh. Don't you start judging me, sir."

That had been something to see, certainly. Kass settles back, smirking, hands behind his head.

"I don't like that face you're making," May grumbles.

"It's still your turn.”

"Oh. Right."

She makes a small huffing noise, relaxing. Kass watches her brows furrow in thought as he waits.

"Okay," she starts, "Here's an easy one for you. When's your birthday."

Kass pauses. Scratches his nose. She's waiting for him to respond, and he figures, well.

"You know? I don't actually know."

"Wh--"

"Hey, Frank, do we have a general date on the calendar for me to celebrate being alive on this hellscape one year longer?"

"Actually," Frank says, sounding mildly surprised. "I can't say we do. I... hm, give me a mo, here." There's a beat of a pause as the PDA flicks through itself slowly. "No. No birthday dated here. I know my memory's not the most trustworthy, but I would--I know for a fact I'd have noted it if you'd told me."

"Ah, well, there's your answer. I've never been one for special occasions, in any case." He shrugs, rolling his shoulders.

"You... you're serious?"

"As a heart attack. Don't know it."

"But..." May seems at a loss, and then she straightens, disbelieving. "But you have to have had something on your paperwork. For like, everything--IDs, social security, Foundation file work."

"They're all made up, Magica. The IDs have been fake since my files burned down in the fire." Kass waves a hand. "I've never had an interest in finding the real date. Not much to celebrate, clearly."

"Oh."

May gets quiet. He watches her frown, relaxing back into the cushion with an air of uncertainty.

"It's my turn, yeah?"

"Oh--yeah, go ahead."

Kass sits up, reaching again for the root beer and creamer. "You mentioned college a couple times, before you became queen. Tell me about life before you went abroad."

"Pass me the bottle."

"Hm?"

"I'm skipping the question, pass me the creamer."

"Oh," Kass says, offering the bottle by the neck. May grabs it and tips it back, swallowing a mouthful and wiping her mouth with her sleeve. That's the first question she's skipped tonight.

"I'm not gonna answer any questions about things like family or childhood. I'd like to go on the record and say that. Try again, bud."

He purses his lips as he takes the bottle back. "Fine, then. Just college. What was your major? Did you finish after you got crowned? Christ--how old even were you?"

"That--That's more than one question, dude," May says, smiling crookedly.

"Sue me, I'm just trying to get a grasp on the situation."

"It's fine." She waves it off, accepting the refilled glass Kass offers her.

"I was... shit, I think I was nineteen when I found the crown? I'd been in college two years. I'd been majoring in illustration--yes, I was an art student, stop snickering," she snaps, kicking his hip gently. "God... I think this was five years ago? I can't be sure. I stopped aging. It stopped mattering."

She stares at the contents of the drink, and Kass finds she's not smiling.

"I'd gone abroad because I'd been kicked out of my family's house. I'd been running from a lot of things, and when I found the crown, it gave me an out. I could be... an entirely different person, I could look and be however I wanted to look and be. So. I did."

A deep inhale, and then she downs about half the glass in one go. "Forgive the tragic backstory, I'm not much one for it. I try not to look back too much on that stuff, that life and the person connected to it is pretty much out of the picture."

"Don't miss it?"

She shrugs. "Every so often I'll miss maybe a homemade meal I never got the recipe for, but that's kind of about it. The internet solves that in a heartbeat."

"Good," Kass says, grinning. "I'm not one for sob stories."

"I figured as much," May replies, smiling back. "Good to keep going?"

"I can go a couple more rounds." Kass tips his own glass back. The creamer is a strong kind of alcohol, though the root beer punches through it a bit. He feels pleasantly warm, but not at all drunk.

Then again, his drink of choice is whiskey. Kass knows how to get drunk.

"So, I mentioned earlier that Simon is a blabber mouth?"

"Not another one of these," he says, a touch snappy.

"Hear me out, okay?" May is hesitant, cheek scrunched up. "He told me about Jumanji, and. Um. Pickman. And I'm not asking about that!" she corrects hastily. "I just wanted to ask about--The Foundation in general. What it was like. Was it all like him? The system, the individuals?"

His gaze flicks between her and the mostly empty Bailey's bottle.

She's not asking about him, Kass in particular. She's not asking what happened to him, what Pickman was like and what Pickman would do. If she had, he'd have finished the bottle, and called it a night.

He doesn't really need to play this game anymore. He's gotten what he was looking for.

Kass thinks.

He makes a decision.

He's not an agent anymore.

"Pickman was a good face for the Foundation. He was--" He cuts himself off, starts over. "Look, Pickman was an ass, and I hated his guts, but he was right about dealing with monsters, and, more importantly, dealing with idiots. He knew what he was doing. He knew how to get to a scip's soft points, and people weren't much different."

Kass presses his fingers to his temple.

"The Foundation thrived like that. They weren't all as harsh as him, but they were hardly any different. We were trained to do what we could for civilians, but in the long run, it didn't matter. To the Foundation, civilians are like..... cattle. We'd keep the wolves away, but cattle was too dumb to really be cared about. If a cow died, well, there's plenty more, just clean up the corpse."

A flick of the wrist, a sharp gesture like waving off a bug.

"Most agents tried to view each other with some level of respect. We got spoon fed "you're smarter and better than the rest, and you're going to survive" in the beginning, and we ate that shit up. We were told we'd be taken care of, that we deserved it."

May is quiet. Frank is quiet. Kass keeps going.

"We figured out the scheme fairly quick. I found out quicker than most. I didn't try to make friends--we were all going to die because of something like you, anyway. We'd be handling things fine, and then a Keter would show and in four seconds, a team would be gone, and it didn't matter. It's not as if those higher up on the chain were risking their necks beside us, we meant little more than D-Class did, but we got to smell fresh air and do something."

It's bizarre, looking from the outside in. He's spent two decades an agent, and he used to be proud--he used to be like Dib. He used to wonder, to be curious, but none of that mattered when you just wanted to get to tomorrow, to the next bullet, to the next drink, to the next file.

"...it was something, though," he finishes. "The first few scips, the first couple keters, you were terrified, you had the piss scared out of you, and you came out of it high on adrenaline and terror, as well as the thrill of knowing you were alive. That--" he chews on the inside his cheek a moment. "That died out pretty quickly."

It's all poison, isn't it? He'd been told he was smarter, better, and maybe he saw through the lie that he'd be taken care of fairly fast, but the praise? He'd fallen for it, hook, line, sinker. And then he'd gotten his kneecaps yanked out from under him by a couple of kids, and suddenly Kass had stopped being all those things. Maybe he never had been all those things, maybe he was just as daft as the rest of the godawful human race.

This has been the loop in his head for months now. It always comes back to this. He can't make it stop--he's never even put it into words before this moment.

Kass is not--well, he feels a full range of emotions, much to his own chagrin, but he's always been skilled at burying them in alcohol, drugs, and work.

He feels like he's been numb for so damn long, and he was frustrated about being numb, but this is why. This is what his body did to cope, it locked down to keep from the breakdown. He doesn't want to break down.

"Kass--"

May's fingers touch Kass's upper arm, and he flinches away instinctively. She pulls her hand back, just as fast. "Sorry. I'm sorry. You were closing up. Do you want to stop?"

Stop? And be stuck thinking these thoughts, dealing with the aftermath of putting them out in the open? Stop and deal with the way his body wants to shut down, despite everything he's done to try to be better? Stop?

He shakes his head. "No, I'm not done. It's my turn."

"Trilby--"

"Shut it. You--" Kass turns sharply, a finger in May's face. "You dumb little bird. What are you trying to achieve here anyway?"

"Wh--"

"Are you singing the same tune as Ninja Gaiden? You want me to become a "nicer person"? You want me to be thoughtful and considerate? What's the point of your stupid game, princess?"

He wants to be nasty. He can be nasty. He wants to sneer in her face, and show her how pointless this all is.

He wants answers. He wants to know why nothing has worked.

God, more than anything, Kass wants the truth.

May blinks up at him, thick brows furrowed, Her eyes are gold and unreadable.

"Pass."

He tilts his head. "Sorry, have I gone deaf?"

"Pass."

"Why's that, then?" he sneers. "Because I'm right?"

"This is why!" May retorts. "No matter what answer I give you, no matter how truthful I am, you're not going to believe me. You'll come to your own conclusions. You'll think I'm lying! You're a skeptic. Why try?"

"Give me something, birdy! I don't care what it is, I just want some semblance of an answer--are you too daft to manage that much?"

Her mouth is a hard line. "You see? You don't want the truth. You think you know my thoughts better than I do."

Kass scowls. He drops back into the couch, and picks up his laptop. He's done. He's done with this.

"...This has really been bothering you, hasn't it?"

There's a sort of vulnerability in her voice, and concern. Fuck--she's doing it again.

"Stop that," Kass mutters. "Stop reading me. I don't like being kept in the dark, that's a given."

He can hear her sigh, can feel the cushions shifting as May slides from the end of the couch to the middle, beside him. She sets her glass besides his on the coffee table.

"Kass, I don't really--" May starts, then stops uncertainly. "You think I want you to change, you expect that I'll demand these things of you. I don't--god, Kass, you're--"

She begins to laugh.

"You're such an ass, all the time. You're sarcastic, and you're vindictive, and you're mean, and you're sharp. That makes me so happy!"

Kass looks up from his laptop to her, brows and mouth pinched. May continues, unhindered, her smile overpowering in her voice.

"You make me laugh so hard. You think I'm... naive or altruistic or pure or whatever, but I've got an awful sense of humor and your dark humor is so often right up my alley it brightens my day. And yes, you're a prick! I wish sometimes you knew when to shut your damn mouth!"

On cue, he opens it, and May holds up a finger to silence him, still grinning. "But I'm an enormous drama queen, so I have no room to talk!"

Kass pauses, then nods, closing his mouth. May breaks into a new set of giggles.

"I don't want those things to go away. That's you, and I wouldn't have invited you into my home if I didn't like the person I saw."

Kass closes his laptop.

"I just want.... I'm an empath, Kass, I know you've been through a lot lately even without knowing the details. I know you're always so on edge, and being in that house didn't help. Call me crazy, but I just wanted you to have a place that you could possibly grow to feel safe in. Hell, maybe even happy."

"You're right," Kass says flatly. "You're absolutely insane."

"Yeah," she agrees. "A little bit. I'm kind of an optimist, I guess--but I've felt trapped too. I've felt like I couldn't breathe, and that things would never get better. I've felt that general distrust and cynicism." May shrugs. "I got tired of it."

"Good for you, Emu."

"Tch," the girl snickers, and when Kass meets May's eyes, he sees her honesty. She's a shit liar, really she is. She hasn't succesfully lied to him yet.

"Can I ask my question now?"

"I didn't realize we were still playing," he replies, flicking off the Bill Nye show to opt for something else. Oh, new season of British Baking Show. He turns it on.

"We don't have to..."

"Oh, don't sound so eager to leave." He drops the remote into her lap, and finishes his glass off. "Fine. Yes. Go ahead."

May is sitting shoulder to shoulder with him. She doesn't ask her question immediately, instead fidgeting with Frank, who she has put on her lap as she had moved closer.

"Do you think--and, I, I know I sound like Simon when I say this, but do you think we can consider each other friends?"

He's distinctly aware of how she's a little tense, maybe even anxious. Maybe sheepish too, and she should be--this is stupid.

"Because--I want to be friends with you, Kass. I like being friend-ly with you, but I don't want to push any boundaries you aren't comfortable with because I got the wrong message."

This is what catches him off guard--it's May asking, not because she wants him to feel less lonely, or what have you, but because she doesn't want him to feel forced. It's... considerate. A strange kind of considerate.

"If you don't want to be friends, that's fine, Kass. I understand. I'm not going to try to drag you into, god, I don't know, I live a way less eventful life than the boys do." May hands him his PDA, and in the corner of his eye, Kass can see her mouth, a small line of uncertainty.

"You seem to have some idea in your fluffy little head that just because I’m here you’ve got a free licence to drag me into whatever irritating bollocks you and Cantaloupe Head are up to this week. Looks like you need a reminder that not everyone is down with your particular brand of Enid-Blyton-on-acid hijinks."

“In-no-possible-universe, are-we, or-are-ever-going-to-be, friends. Look in the mirror a few times, maybe it’ll sink in.”

Simon hadn't worn the little message Kass had written for very long--his friend had had plenty of experience getting grafitti off skin, and they had snapped to it right sharp. But the message seemed to have sunk in, to some level. Yes, Simon had been exceptionally apologetic lately, after the board game had deigned to spit Kass back out give or take (mostly take) a few decades.

Yet, there is still some level of space, however minute. Some wall the boy can not cross, because he, Kass, refuses to let someone else so certain about Kass's actions and abilities be proven right. It's spite, mostly. The harder the boy had pushed, the further into himself Kass had retreated, like an angry snapping turtle.

May doesn't push. Maybe she should, lord knows it would be easier for him to say "no" flatly and move forward from this.

She doesn't enter his personal space often, and she pulls back at the first sign of irritation. She--christ, the stupid bird is supportive and kind and all the things right in the world, no matter what argument she would make otherwise. And this, this thing wants to be friends with him. Him!

Kass doesn't remember the last time he had a genuine friend besides Frank. He has a feeling he'd be rather terrible at it.

"I'm not exactly.....proficient at the skill of being friends with people, you know. It has a tendency to go hand in hand with being nice."

"Yeah, I don't imagine it's your strongest area of expertise," she replies, looking at him from the corner of her eyes.

She wants this? She knows exactly the kind of person he is, all the awful things he's done to her friends, and she likes being near him?

Kass shakes his head in disbelief, and then, as though resigned, says simply, "Hell, if you want to consider me your friend, if that doesn't absolutely destroy your reputation in society, then I can't necessarily stop you."

He can feel her entire body relax, relieved. May is smiling crookedly, eyes crinkled up with real happiness. What a little weirdo, he thinks, and it's almost fondly.

The moment is ruined by a crackly old voice.

"This is very mature of you Trilby. I'm quite proud."

"Shut your trap, Frank."

The girl can't hide the small giggle that slips out behind her fingers that have covered her mouth. "I-If it makes you feel better," she says, in a little, still bubbly voice, "I'm not about to call you Trilby."

"I would actually, physically, get cigarette ash in your hair if you did," Kass grumbles, relaxing against the couch beside May.

"You monster."

"You chose this path literal seconds ago."

She huffs a little laugh that shakes her chest once, and then reaches out, retrieves her glass, and offers it to him. He accepts, downing its contents.

It's hard to tell if tonight is a success. On some level, Kass feels emotionally spent, and ready to sleep deeply. There's a part of him that has stored away the stories May has told him, to look into later. There's the awareness that she's not as infallible and patient as he had believed, and the sharper knowledge that Kass has let more of his skin show tonight than he would have really liked.

May is warm beside him. There's still pizza left over, for tomorrow, and a little Bailey's and some root beer left. He feels fairly worn out, however. He's ready for quiet.

"D'you," May asks quietly, "have any more questions for me?"

He hums, and then, halfheartedly, mutters.

"Favorite...... Marvel movie?"

He feels her laugh. It feels nice.

"Thor Ragnarok. Duh."

#birdy blogging #May Writes #Kass #Queenie #may loves teslaverse #im absolutely INCENSED by this thing #i didnt mean for it to get this long!!!!! at all!!!!#IM SO SORRY MOBILE USERS!!!!#I WEEP FOR YOU!!!!!#I REALLY DO

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