#early kitty and mousey

[10gofrio]

[sphylor]

random thought but do you think kitty dew is afraid of fireworks? or would he be entranced by them?

oh he's terrified. all the ghouls dislike fireworks in general beacause their hearing is more sensitive than humans' and so the loud bang kinda just sets them on edge (also im sure they're aware of how bad fireworks are for the environment and animals, people with ptsd, and people with sensory issues). but kitty Dew really has a tough time when it comes to fireworks. he doesn't understand what's happening. he doesn't understand its meant to be for a celebration. to him its just a really loud scary noise and a flash of light in the sky.

(more below the cut because this turned out way longer than expected...)

the abbey is far enough away from larger settlements to not be disturbed by other peoples' firework celebrations luckily. but on new years they hold their own firework show and it always sends Dew straight into kitty mode.

the day is spent making sure that everything is as calm and safe as it possibly could be for when the fireworks start. they move into one of the practice rooms as its more soundproofed and muffles the noise of the fireworks almost completely. they make a den big enough for them all to fit in and try and sleep before the fireworks start. Mountain even grows some lavender to help.

once the fireworks start it normally does wake Dew up and cause him to go kitty but the sounds also wake everyone else up so he's not alone. at this point Swiss and Aether will bring out their acoustic guitars and they'll all sing songs together to cover the sound of the fireworks. Dew sits on Rain's lap, little mousey clutched firmly in his hand, and tries to join in, making kitty noises along to the words (like the cat in this video hbdhsj). eventually he will drift back off to sleep once the fireworks have stopped and its early morning and he will wake up well into the afternoon in the middle of a ghoul pile.

that night they hold their own new years celebration with booze and loud music and their own countdown to midnight. but that moment the night before when the loud scary sounds outside where completely forgotten about and the only thing that Dew could hear was the laughter of his pack as they all sang together, huddled up in the den, illuminated by the soft fairylights? that moment would always be infinitely more special to him. (but the kiss he shares with Rain at midnight is a very close second)

[jennagrinsoverml]

ML Fic Recs - Love...Square? Hectagon? Octogon??

Happy Friday! I’m back with yet another rec list! As usual, I’m trying to rec fics you might not have read before, going off of AO3 kudos. You can find my other rec lists on my blog at #jennarecsml

If you enjoy these, please reblog so more readers can find these awesome fics!

The love square is already a crazy concept, but now with the addition of Aspik and Multimouse -- well, there are even more fun crazy dynamics for writers to play with. And I love every bit of it! So, here are some of my favourites that play with the expanded love square.

this love is a tangled web by @bugabisous

When Ladybug and Chat Noir decided that they should switch things around with their temporary miraculous holders in order to throw Hawkmoth off, they couldn't have predicted the tangled web they would weave.

Series. Snekmouse? Well, it’s the equivalent in that they know each other’s identities but of course don’t know that the other knows. It’s even more fun with them using different miraculouses, giving us Dragon!Adrien and Snake!Marinette. Plus there’s some multichat content early on, which is a nice precursor to the way Adrien falls for Marinette in this new dynamic. Absolutely great identity shenanigans in this one.

Bad Week by @ominousunflower

Adrien's long and horrible week ends with a stinging rejection--until he sneaks out as Aspik and runs into an unexpected face.

“Hey!” a voice yells from behind him. “What are you doing—I—I mean, who are you?”

Aspik whirls around and finds himself face-to-face with…Multimouse?

With a frown, Multimouse glances at the jump rope wrapped around her waist. Untying it, she grips one end and weakly whips it toward Aspik. It flops on the ground in front of him like a wet noodle.

“AH,” she says. It somehow sounds like a question. “Um. An akuma?”

One-shot. Snekmouse! And then we get actual Aspik/Multimouse! It starts with Marinette trying to ask Adrien out on a date, only for it to go horribly wrong when she sees that he’s upset and takes it back and Adrien takes it as a rejection and concludes she would only go out with him out of pity. I feel bad for him but also it’s HILARIOUS. 

Me, My Best Friend, and Her Cat by @ladyofthenoodle

Ladybugs aren't known for being particularly sneaky. Good thing this Ladybug has a fox in her corner, watching her back.

(And giving Ladybug's love life a nudge along the way. Maybe more than a nudge. In Alya's defense, Ladybug can use all the help she could get.)

Multi-chapter. Multichat (as well as Ladynoir and Adrienette). This is a beautiful Marinette & Alya friendship piece where Alya figures out her secret identity early on and helps her. And honestly it’s worth reading just for that alone. But it also plays with the love square in really fun ways (Alya’s a ladynoir shipper over adrienette), with some quality multichat content.

"I have a plan." by @emsylcatac

Marinette probably should have thought twice before joining the fight as Multimouse instead of Ladybug.

Alya, suited up as Rena Rouge, wished she knew where on earth Ladybug and Chat Noir were when they needed them.

And Adrien really, really wished the two heroines would just leave him alone so he could transform.

One-shot. Adrimouse! Okay, this one is already pretty tumblr famous thanks to the amazing comic that preceded it. But I’m still going to rec it! Because Adrien and Multimouse flirting is amazing, the dynamics are fantastic with Rena Rouge in the mix, and it’s freaking hilarious!

For You (I’d Break All The Rules) by snugglebuttkitten

MultiMouse finds herself visiting Adrien Agreste on a Nightly Basis

One-shot. Adrimouse! There’s some great hurt/comfort here, and also a sweet and slow developing relationship. This is just really cute and I love the dynamic and it’s worth a read!

Second Chance Number 12,496 by @11jj11

Adrien, now wielding the Snake Miraculous as Aspik, has been stuck in his time loop of Second Chances for weeks now trying to save Ladybug, and he just needs a moment to rest.

Set during Desperada.

One-shot. Laspik! I think we were all gutted by Desperada, and this absolutely has a bit of that gut punch, but also I love the hurt/comfort here (although the hurt is amplified by the fact that he’s only like halfway through all the cycles, like DUDE.) 

The One Where Marinette Knows Who Ladybug Is by bifieri

Chat Noir wants to bring back Multimouse. Ladybug doesn't. A little white lie told to keep him off her tail lands the two at odds- and Ladybug closer to finding out her Kitty's identity than she'd prefer

fair warning I wrote this at 3 am and didn't edit it at all so it's very much trash but I just had to make this idea reality

Two-shot. Multichat. This one plays with the ridiculousness of all the lies these two needs to tell in order to protect their identities, and it’s ridiculous and fun and, as always with these kinds of identity shenanigans, leads to a reveal.

But What About Multimouse? by @trainsinanime

Ladybug and Chat Noir discuss his favourite topic: Bringing back Multimouse.

One-shot. Multichat. It works out well that Chat’s favourite topic is bringing back Multimouse because Chat talking about bringing back Multimouse is my favourite trope! Ladybug is such a tease in this and I absolutely love it. It feels so in-character and they’re so playful and it’s just fun!

Enough by @apopcornkernel

Adrien feels inferior when he notices a difference between how Ladybug treats Adrien/Aspik compared to Chat Noir.

One-shot. Laspik. This one is kind of angsty, but it doesn’t stay that way. I don’t want to give away too much, but the ending kinda punched me in the face and I desperately wish there was more.

The following fic is amazing and absolutely worth reading, but does feature sexual content, so minors beware.

I Dream of Mousey by @lyramae-archer

Chat is tired. More tired than ever before. How is a cat supposed to get some sleep when there’s a beautiful mouse in all of his dreams? A story in which Adrien gets some revelation on the love of his life. For MultiMouse Appreciation Week 2020.

Rated M. Multi-chapter. Multichat! Chat goes a little crazy with thoughts of Multimouse, and it’s gorgeous and hot af. @lyramae-archer does an excellent job of characterizing how Adrien starts to fall for Marinette after her stint as Multimouse, and boy does he fall hard. Add in some steamy dreams and an identity reveal and WOW. 

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ stray kids & nicknames

skz x reader | reactions

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; nothing

↬ notes; i thought this was rly cute idea anyways

bangchan 

personally, you two would probably only use these alone but there would be your slip ups where you used the nicknames around each-other. i honestly see you calling him like either channie or roo, but he’d probably call you the standard names like baby or babe, but also like i somehow see him calling you like little joey strangely enough?

he’ll come back home and just go, “i’m back babe!” or he’ll have you coming to the studio and be like, “there’s my little joey!” 

in your case you would probably use these while you two are on the sofa cuddling, bored out of your minds, and you’d just be like, “channie, what do you wanna do today?” or if bangchan is upset or stressed, you would just run your hand over his hair or leg, just like, “roo, what’s wrong?” 

minho

i sorta imagine you using nicknames more than him, which he really enjoys but nicknames just can’t seem to fall from his lips as often as you let out. i feel like he prefers just using your name or sometimes — rarely — calls you kitty. your nicknames could range anywhere from honey or catty. catty will only come out if he’s acting like a baby or you are returning his nickname for you.

minho will be laying in bed, bundled up while looking at his phone, giving you a huff as you were still drying your hair. “kitty!! come to bed.” he’d whine, your lips perking up into a smile. you’d turn around so quickly, dropping your towel for your hair. 

“catty!! i’m here!!” you’d shout, joining him in bed with soaking wet hair.

or you two would be together, at a dinner with the rest of the boys and you’d let the words slip. “honey!! he’s asking you a question!” minho getting so flustered and just everybody going crazy at your nickname, “y/n..” 

changbin

he loves it 100%. he is nott afraid to let you use any nicknames for him and he’s not afraid to use any for you. names like binnie and baby-boy especially he melts at, this man is weak at the knees when you say those names. he might call you angel or poppet, he learned how to say poppet and it was set as your contact name everywhere. 

one day the boys would all be together, sitting for a break in the practice room. “hey who’s pop... pet?” jisung would question, looking over changbin’s phone. changbin would reach for his phone so quickly, going into text back to you. 

6:43 - poppet    what should i make for dinner binnie!!

6:45 -  baby-boy      just get takeout angel

hyunjin

he doesn’t mind these names being used, usually liking it and just going with it whenever you decide to call him princess or sweetie. princess is definitely used during private intimate moments, whether it be lewd or just you two lying together, you’ll call him princess. i kinda have a thought of him calling you sweetheart or bug, like a tiny bug - definitely not caterpillar but more ladybug in mind.

at first he was unsure about princess, but one day you just said it while you two were cuddling, feet tangled with a fuzzy blanket thrown over you both, and you just went, “princess, i love you.” he’ll just cuddle into you, turning so soft and blushy at your words, “mhm, love you too bug!” 

or if you’re around others, sweetie is the way to go. “sweetie, which one do you want?” or “sweetie, which one do you think looks better?” he’ll be like, “this one sweetheart!”, pointing at something or grabbing whatever he wanted.

jisung

kinda thought of the names squish and little squirrel, meanwhile he might call you, petal or squirt. he thought of the turtle squirt from finding nemo everytime he saw you, so why not give you the name squirt? i think petal would be a more domestic nickname, using it around the house when he’s tired or maybe when just being around you anywhere in the house. 

the name squish really came from when you were on his lap, your hands pressed against his cheeks while he was giving you a pout. “look at my squish!” jisung’s eyes literally glimmering when he hears your nickname. “and look at my squirt!” he’d shout, mirroring your actions and squishing your face as well.

or he’ll be writing really late at night, you’re just standing at the doorway, “hey, little squirrel,” the l dragging out at the end, “you need to come to bed.” jisung sighing while turning in his chair, “but petal..” he looks at you, “no buts, you can finish in the morning you’ve been up in here for hours.” 

felix

i see the common lix being used, otherwise you call felix bun-bun. it came naturally, felix is your little bun-bun. his smile and freckles, with his cute lil nose just gave you the nickname bun-bun. i think felix might tend to call you chickadee or sunshine, he is with it when it comes to cute nicknames to call you. you guys will use the nicknames anywhere, i think y’all are pretty used to them so you guys may or may not have forgotten your real names. 

“lix.. m’tired..” you murmur, spreading out like a starfish in his lap. he’d pout, laughing at you. “well sunshine, it’s time for bed! no wonder why!”

felix will come up to the counter, sitting on top of it while watching you. “what’s up chickadee!” you turning and smiling at him, looking at his pajamas and slippers on his feet. “what’s up with you bun-bun, you’re up early!” his hands coming up to his face, blushing at the nickname with a big bunny smile.

seungmin

obviously you call him minnie but something about you calling him pretty boy will make him so shy. he blushes instantly at your words and turn into a mess, especially if you give him a kiss or play with his hair after. i think seungmin would call you bubby or mousey, the names rolling off his tongue naturally when he first started to call you that.

“minnie!! can you come here real quick!!” you call, he’s already out of his room and down the hallway to come to you. you’re probably on the couch and he’ll join you. “hey mousey!! what’d ya’ need?” he’d ask, cuddling into you, and just running a hand through his hair, smiling. “nothing minnie, just wanted you.”

he’ll be leading you around the store, leaning on the cart, in pajamas at two in the morning. your tired appearance contrasts his excited appearance, he’ll be standing looking at the bags of snacks in front of him before side hugging you. “bubby wake up!!” he says excitedly, way too excited at this hour. “you tire me out pretty boy.” seungmin literally beaming at your nickname, already leading you to the next aisle.

jeongin 

imma start off with his, he uses this all of the time, regardless of where you two are at or how loud he says it, he calls you dummy. he’ll say it and then smile, a literal demon. he also calls you pet, for whatever reason, pet stuck with you. you call him puppy, but think of a chihuahua who doesn’t stop barking, that’s exactly what you mean. you also call him hon, giving his cheeks a little squish. 

you two will be brushing your teeth together, side by side, jeongin will have his toothbrush in his mouth. “dummy, you have toothpaste everywhere.” he says, pointing at the paste dribbling down your chin. “hon, sorry, but i hate you.” you mumbled, spitting out your toothpaste in the sink and cleaning your face. 

“pet!!” he whines, pouting at you. “puppy..!! what!!” you exclaim, pretending to be annoyed. “can you get me water?” he gives you his little sad eyes, you frowning and groaning as you got up from bed to go retrieve his request. 

©️ skzdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[kkoongiee]

stray kids scenarios — nicknames you call eachother ‹𝟹

notes, dis was on my first blog but i decided to post it on here .. if anyone has seen this on maysdiors .. feel free to um like again, if u havent? welcome ^_^

personally, you and chan would probably only use these alone but there would be your slip ups where you used the nicknames around each-other. i honestly see you calling him like either channie or roo, but he’d probably call you the standard names like baby or babe, but also like i somehow see him calling you like little joey strangely enough? he’ll come back home and just go, “i’m back babe!” or he’ll have you coming to the studio and be like, “there’s my little joey!” in your case you would probably use these while you two are on the sofa cuddling, bored out of your minds, and you’d just be like, “channie, what do you wanna do today?” or if bangchan is upset or stressed, you would just run your hand over his hair or leg, just like, “roo, what’s wrong?” 🥺

i sorta imagine you using nicknames more than minho, which he really enjoys but nicknames just can’t seem to fall from his lips as often as you let out. i feel like he prefers just using your name or sometimes — rarely — calls you kitty. your nicknames could range anywhere from honey or catty. catty will only come out if he’s acting like a baby or you are returning his nickname for you. minho will be laying in bed, bundled up while looking at his phone, giving you a huff as you were still drying your hair. “kitty!! come to bed.” he’d whine, your lips perking up into a smile. you’d turn around so quickly, dropping your towel for your hair. “catty!! i’m here!!” you’d shout, joining him in bed with soaking wet hair. or you two would be together, at a dinner with the rest of the boys and you’d let the words slip. “honey!! he’s asking you a question!” minho getting so flustered and just everybody going crazy at your nickname, “y/n..” 🧍🧍

changbin loves it 100%. he is nott afraid to let you use any nicknames for him and he’s not afraid to use any for you. names like binnie and baby-boy especially he melts at, this man is weak at the knees when you say those names. he might call you angel or poppet, he learned how to say poppet and it was set as your contact name everywhere. one day the boys would all be together, sitting for a break in the practice room. “hey who’s pop… pet?” jisung would question, looking over changbin’s phone. changbin would reach for his phone so quickly, going into text back to you. bye sometimes he gets a lil embarrassed 😭 binnie do love u and ur nicknames tho

hyunjin doesn’t mind these names being used, usually liking it and just going with it whenever you decide to call him princess or sweetie. princess is definitely used during private intimate moments, whether it be lewd or just you two lying together, you’ll call him princess. i kinda have a thought of him calling you sweetheart or bug, like a tiny bug - definitely not caterpillar but more ladybug in mind. at first he was unsure about princess, but one day you just said it while you two were cuddling, feet tangled with a fuzzy blanket thrown over you both, and you just went, “princess, i love you.” he’ll just cuddle into you, turning so soft and blushy at your words, “mhm, love you too bug!” or if you’re around others, sweetie is the way to go. “sweetie, which one do you want?” or “sweetie, which one do you think looks better?” he’ll be like, “this one sweetheart!”, pointing at something or grabbing whatever he wanted.

jisung kinda thought of the names squish and little squirrel, meanwhile he might call you, petal or squirt. he thought of the turtle squirt from finding nemo everytime he saw you, so why not give you the name squirt? i think petal would be a more domestic nickname, using it around the house when he’s tired or maybe when just being around you anywhere in the house. the name squish really came from when you were on his lap, your hands pressed against his cheeks while he was giving you a pout. “look at my squish!” jisung’s eyes literally glimmering when he hears your nickname. “and look at my squirt!” he’d shout, mirroring your actions and squishing your face as well. or he’ll be writing really late at night, you’re just standing at the doorway, “hey, little squirrel,” the l dragging out at the end, “you need to come to bed.” jisung sighing while turning in his chair, “but petal..” he looks at you, “no buts, you can finish in the morning you’ve been up in here for hours.”

for felix i see the common lix being used, otherwise you call felix bun-bun. it came naturally, felix is your little bun-bun. his smile and freckles, with his cute lil nose just gave you the nickname bun-bun. i think felix might tend to call you chickadee or sunshine, he is with it when it comes to cute nicknames to call you. you guys will use the nicknames anywhere, i think y’all are pretty used to them so you guys may or may not have forgotten your real names. “lix.. m’tired..” you murmur, spreading out like a starfish in his lap. he’d pout, laughing at you. “well sunshine, it’s time for bed! no wonder why!” felix will come up to the counter, sitting on top of it while watching you. “what’s up chickadee!” you turning and smiling at him, looking at his pajamas and slippers on his feet. “what’s up with you bun-bun, you’re up early!” his hands coming up to his face, blushing at the nickname with a big bunny smile.

with seungmin obviously you call him minnie but something about you calling him pretty boy will make him so shy. he blushes instantly at your words and turn into a mess, especially if you give him a kiss or play with his hair after. i think seungmin would call you bubby or mousey, the names rolling off his tongue naturally when he first started to call you that. “minnie!! can you come here real quick!!” you call, he’s already out of his room and down the hallway to come to you. you’re probably on the couch and he’ll join you. “hey mousey!! what’d ya’ need?” he’d ask, cuddling into you, and just running a hand through his hair, smiling. “nothing minnie, just wanted you.” he’ll be leading you around the store, leaning on the cart, in pajamas at two in the morning. your tired appearance contrasts his excited appearance, he’ll be standing looking at the bags of snacks in front of him before side hugging you. “bubby wake up!!” he says excitedly, way too excited at this hour. “you tire me out pretty boy.” seungmin literally beaming at your nickname, already leading you to the next aisle.

to start it off with his, jeongin uses this all of the time, regardless of where you two are at or how loud he says it, he calls you dummy. he’ll say it and then smile, a literal demon. he also calls you pet, for whatever reason, pet stuck with you. you call him puppy, but think of a chihuahua who doesn’t stop barking, that’s exactly what you mean. you also call him hon, giving his cheeks a little squish. you two will be brushing your teeth together, side by side, jeongin will have his toothbrush in his mouth. “dummy, you have toothpaste everywhere.” he says, pointing at the paste dribbling down your chin. “hon, sorry, but i hate you.” you mumbled, spitting out your toothpaste in the sink and cleaning your face. “pet!!” he whines, pouting at you. “puppy..!! what!!” you exclaim, pretending to be annoyed. “can you get me water?” he gives you his little sad eyes, you frowning and groaning as you got up from bed to go retrieve his request.

[nookishposts]

Cat Rules

We have a 13 year old cat named Kay. She is a feisty little critter, not nasty, just bold and a bit in-yer-face. There was a time I would take the dog for a walk to the dog park and Kay would trot right along beside us until we got to the sports field whereupon she would beg to get into the lap of a lawn chair parent watching their kids’ game. The dog and I would continue and about an hour later circle back thru the park to collect her for the walk home. She was a fixture in the neighbourhood. She had a similar attitude when we moved to Winnipeg for a few years, introducing herself to the neighbours, wandering the yards for fun and a little harmless hunting. Her sister (died 5 years ago of diabetes complications) was quite opposite in personality, sticking close to home and rarely venturing outdoors at all. Her idea of a good time was a nap in a sunny window. (That;s my idea of a good time too.) 

But lately, our daring kitty has taken up residence in our only bathtub. When either of us attends to personal business it just cannot be completed without feline opinions voiced in a trilling, chirruping chat punctuated by the occasional purr. Generally the fluffy bathmat that hangs over the edge of the tub has been re-located to the bottom as a cosy nest for snoozing. Upon our entering her self-decreed territory, Kay will stretch up to lean on the edge of the tub much as a barfly might lean upon the rail at his local pub. Toilet proximity is perfect for her to deliver nose-boops and head-butts as a precursor to demanding her due: head and chin scritches and soft cooing compliments upon her beauty. 

I get it. It’s January and we are experiencing a period of cold and windy days, along with an accumulation of snow that would be quite a challenge to long silky belly fur. She is just not as interested in going outside as she has been in Winters past. Some days, neither are we. I also get the fluffy bathmat attraction. Bur why the bathtub itself? Perhaps she likes the echo chamber effect of her singing, much as some of us do in the shower. Perhaps she likes the fact that the dog is too big and clumsy to follow her in there. Maybe she’s losing her marbles after years of dubious dining on mousey morsels. But conversationally, she is a champ.

Most bathroom visits are at least one or two well-considered opinions in length. I hear all about how neglected she is and when her box downstairs requires housekeeping and her bowl of crunchies has been scarfed by the aforementioned canine brethren. But we have been known to branch out in our dialogues; she supports environmental protection statutes, she encourages donations to no-kill animal shelters, and she is certain Donald Trump is an ass. The very mention of his name is met with a gutteral growl that ascends into an all-out hiss and squawk. Yes really.

So, she is a tough and decisive little nut but her age and her history of rambling travels have begun to take their toll. She looks for the sunbeams as her sister once did. She melts like an 8 pound rice noodle against my chest when seeking a comfortable cuddle. Last night I went a bit early to bed to read and I heard the elephantine paw-steps thunder up the stairs behind me. She came to my side of the bed and bellowed. “Come on up.” I said. But she pawed at the side and sat down again. The leap has finally become too much. So I hoisted her over the side  and into a dent in the duvet. But no, she climbed the long lump I make under the covers until her backside was between my boobs and her head tucked under my chin. As she hunkered in, she emitted a tiny little kitty sigh of comfort and I just adjusted the way I was holding my book accordingly. We soon fell asleep together that way. For the first time in a very long time. 

So here are the facts: Winter is cold, stairs are hard, the bed is too high, and Kay has officially had all of her mail forwarded to the bathtub. 13 isn’t old, but she was originally a stray and nobody really knows for certain her true age. She has flown halfway across the country not once but twice, survived the annoying attentions of a total of 3 big dumb dogs over the 11 years she has been in residence, and has kept a keen eye on the doings of at least 4 different neighbourhoods. She actually understands and looks both ways before crossing our busy street. She also has no front claws and yet fends off wayward interlopers who dare to trespass in her yard. And, as mentioned, she is politically astute. That’s a lot of work for an 8lb fluffernutter in furry pantaloons. I suppose she’s tired.

One of today’s bathroom chats involved me suggesting some mobility compromises. The bathtub rim is quite high; perhaps a nice cardboard box with an entry door cut in close to floor level and lined with an old bathmat might be better? Relocation of her food and boite du littere? A carpeted ramp from the bedroom floor to the duvet nest on our bed? She cocked her ears and turned her head and nodded thoughtfully, so I do believe she’s considering. Which is good, because she is not the only ageing female in the house and it’s becoming a pain to have to negotiate with her when it’s time for either of us to shower. Cats rule. By some divine right. They just do.

[berlinner]

panic in mouse park (james joyce style)

in the heat of the late afternoon in the midst of sorting out 10,000 idiotic details a) with discmakers for our new badville EP and b) with cd baby so that the ‘mastered for iTunes that bob weston did for us gets properly uploaded I’m on the phone at least 7 times with both companies even though they’re the same company and each time i think i have it all sorted out i hit another snag on another link page and have to call again and wait because the outgoing robot message keeps repeating: ‘we are very busy with calls at this time and we’ll get to you in X minutes and i go through this over and over again just as my computer screen lights up to warn me that the batteries on my mouse are low and i’d better jump on it or i’ll be fucked and a text comes in from work to say they want me in there early and the kitties are staring up at me because it’s feed time and the clock is running out on all this as i spill the batteries from my fireplace slim jim closet onto my desk totally not sure which ones are good and which ones are dead because i’d popped the old ones out of my mouse to replace them in the same spot where the new ones are collecting, glasses on, glasses off to locate the good one as the thermometer in my head climbs higher and higher because no matter which set of batteries i stick in the remote (and by the way where are the old-school mice i used to have lying around?! no amount of standing on a chair in my party closet will turn up an old-school mouse) glasses on, glasses off, glasses misplaced and now it’s getting later and closer to d-day for getting the cats fed and getting pretty for work and the mouse still doesn’t work and my computer screen is frozen and it’s time to call applecare but i can’t access my address book because my mouse isn’t active and there’s no cursor but wait, the applecare number’s in my iPhone so i make the call, more robot outgoing messages and someone answers to direct my call and can i please give her the serial number of my iMac? and i yell at her no, i can’t do that because my mouse isn’t working and my screen is locked and WHATTHEFUCK!!! I’m screaming at her and she is calm like a shrink facing down a madman ‘what is your email address?’ and i give it to her and that does the trick i can hear her smiling as my blood is reaching the boiling point and i get jake or jonah or puck or some handsome sounding kid on the phone and run the whole meghila down all over again for him and he says he’ll be able to help he understands how frustrating this must be for me (my filthy language over the phone confirming this) so we try to shut down and re-start the iMac holding down option/control which i do and nothing changes but then he tells me that i missed phone confirming this) so we try to shut down and re-start the iMac holding down option/control which i do and nothing changes but then he tells me that i missed two additional and essential keys that need to be held down at the same time as command/option and i’m hoping that maybe we’re close on this shit and so i do the hold down of all four keys and it takes a century for the fucking iMac to re- boot, and still no mousey-wousey and no cursor arrow and i suggest could jake or jonah or puck stay on the line while i run across the street to the the bodega in my socks and get new batteries to be sure they are actually new and he says sure i can hear him kinda laughing while my panic has by now upped full throttle and i do it i am the Flash and i zing across centre st and buy four good ones and he is amazed at how quickly i get this done (what he pictures in terms of where i live and what my world must look like to him i can only imagine) he has to have heard the spoons on the cat food plates that i was doling out while the re-boot was taking it’s own sweet time, right? to him i am an insane person but who knows? who cares? i jam the two new coppery duracells into the mouse’s back and try it again and FUCK! it still doesn’t work and he’s looking at some graphic at applecare a blueprint graphic of mice and realizes that there’s a miniature nipple thing just inside the lip of the mouse where i’d put the batteries which at the exact same time i had noticed myself AS he was explaining it to me and i flick it north or south and a tiny green LED lights up and i snap the flat tin piece back in place and DAMN! it works and I’m in business and i say out loud motherFUCKER panic is not a good place to make decisions from and he is laughing and says he concurs and that i was fun, funny to talk to and i finish up the dropbox transfer of mastered for iTunes files and hit the blazing shower and make it a less that normal meditation and the cats are sleepy again in their food coma and i storm off to work and get there just in time and my god it took what? less than an hour to go from massive freak-attack to total nerve calm and maybe i noticed that while it was all going down in the needle center of my ten thousand swarming bee panic i was, strangely, at peace and watching the whole miserable ridiculous episode from a planet far far away.

This is an excerpt from my book, The Paragraphs — Cutlass Press

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