#eat shit woodrow wilson

[averseunhinged]

the entire internet is fucking useless now. i just want to remember the name of that surly fashion stylist from the aughts who wore kaftans and had a reality show. that's fucking all!!! i have googled the shit out of it and all i've learned is 754257943 places to buy a muumuu.

[skyllion-uwu]

9-13 for the asks :3

9. Worst part of canon

Joking answer: Maxwell and Wagstaff should explode and die forever

Serious answer: I still don't know what's going on with the moon and Them and I'm too scared to ask. The only way for me to figure it out is to play a bunch but I'm bad at the game so I die too much to get far enough to all that. On a gameplay level, lack of power scaling for the bosses. If you want to play single player, you will fight the bosses with one million health meant to be taken down by multiple people attacking at once (or you can turn them off which I had to do but still)

10. Worst part of fanon

If you're gonna focus on yaoi, at least do it right! I love Maxwil but people are too normal with them and it's either fluff, tsundere shit, or boring horny. Make them WEIRD AND AWKWARD towards each other, that's the guy who promised you infinite knowledge before kidnapping you and then letting you die over and over again until you freed him and then he died in front of you! If you want to cuddle him by the fire it has to make you want to die afterwards but also have a strange sort of comfort and you're both going to refuse to examine it (I'm normal)

11. Number of fandom-related words you've filtered

This reminded me I need to figure out the names people use for shipping WX-78 with other characters. That robot is a romance and sex repulsed aroace THEIR ASS WOULD NOT BE ALLO 🤣 I mean that in a light hearted way but yeah I don't like when people ship WX romantically and sexually. Hell platonic is on thin ice too. Loveless Woodrow/WX sweep. This went off topic sorry about that

12. The unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Okay I have no idea if a character is popular or unpopular tbh but I'm gonna say uhhhh Wurt because I don't see much of her. She's just a lil baby. She loves reading. She loves candy. She may have been a goat originally before getting turned into a Merm. I would absolutely kill for her

Wortox too, he's funni and silly and I need to see him in-game for more selling points but the eating souls gimmick sounds interesting

Wanda I think is semi-popular but since she's only appeared in one Klei animation I'm gonna assume she isn't. SHE'S A TIME TRAVELER AND GETS COCKY ABOUT HOW SHE CAN JUST FIX EVERYTHING AND AVOID HER FATE OF GETTING TAKEN BY SHADOWS AND SHE'S GOOFY AND SHE FORGETS THINGS ALL THE TIME AND I LOVE HER SO MUCH AUGHHHHHH

13. Worst blorbofication

Maxwell is either the worst horrible bastard to exist or a big secret softie. Dear lird he has nuances. He can be both but he doesn't fall on the extreme end of either like people depict. He's unpredictable from other's perspectives but it's still very calculated, which is a hard balance to maintain but it's there. Ideally he should make me want to drop him off a cliff but still maintain some sympathy for him and want to study him to see how much further he can mess up

Also Wilson getting reduced to "SCIENCE!" which both fanon and canon has done ! Stop ! It's not funny and quirky !

[nomkiing]

idk what to post so here are some out of context quotes from my friends and I

"Shalom (with rizz)"

"LEMON SUCKER /derogatory"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR TINY SEX"

"ah, the floor is. Clearly, made of men."

"our friday schedule is so fucked it could be a pornstar"

"i had a fight with food coloring"

“Mom do you think mark zuckerburg is a robot?" "No but there is something very much wrong with him"

"a REAL man eats BEEF has SEX and DIES." "what's beef?"

"The SUN is a MILF"

“Hey baby…I can drive you to Denny’s”

“506,618,553 people live in the CUM zone”

"don't talk to me, I'm useless"

"Legal names are for losers"

"dont take shaqs arms"

"Youre slaying, but like, decrepitly."

"You talking shit about my jouch?" "Jesticles"

"um excuse me we don't lick library books"

"I should kidnap some monkeys and make them draw for me"

"can't believe the supernatural being that everyone's so scared about is literally an ipad kid"

"I sensed a presence in the force but it turns out that my mental baggage was creating a gravitational pull by itself"

"I have run out of fingers and toes to eat"

"I'm becoming megamimd (I accidentally punched myself)"

"at least I'm not stuck in a building that would give OSHA a heart attack"

"Rumor has it that upon discovering his youngest son playing with The Shape of Haddonfield, William Afton suffered a cardiac arrest out of shock and was in a coma for two months."

"MICHEAL AFTON IS TALLER THAN JASON FUCKING VOORHEES"

“May the fleas of 1000 camels infect your armpits”

"ohnononononono your butt's okay"

"What I am about to do has not been approved by The Vatican"

"high school boosts the economy"

"smut just isn't the same without a complex political landscape and representations of why war sucks"

"if the locust knew it was about to be ground into a burger it wouldn't feel like dancing"

"caveman brain eloquent when need be"

“It went in the hole then it went the other way”

"I'm having issues with the cheese"

"dead people are notoriously bad at returning calls"

"all I can think about now. is Woodrow Wilson giving a lap dance to all of Congress."

"I bet he doesn't even motherfuck."

"guess who just impulsively bought bendy and the dark revival" "balling but at what cost" "approximately $30" "balling at the cost of 30$"

“I think I have autism”

"I will personally deliver a live deer down greg abbot's chimney on christmas morning"

"There is no bond greater than a teenage girl and her demon lord"

[jkottke]

Every US President at their worst

On Twitter, @InstantSunrise wrote an entertaining thread "in which I drag every single US president in order". She starts off with The Founding Fathers:

Thomas Jefferson: Motherfucker owned slaves, and was a rapist, committed forced removal against Native Americans. Started an actual war in North Africa and a trade war with Britain that would eventually escalate into an actual war.

Andrew Jackson is deservedly dragged more than most:

Ohhhhhh my god. This absolute motherfucker garbage president. Literally committed genocide. Owned slaves, gave govt. jobs to people who gave him money. Decided that a central bank was a bad idea and closed it in 1837, breaking the entire economy.

Teddy Roosevelt gets a B/B-:

Did some good busting trusts and monopolies with his big dick energy. Discovered that if you bait the media with "access" they'll eat up whatever shit you say. Had a lot of policies that were racist as shit, like banning all Japanese ppl from entering the US.

Woodrow Wilson gets a Jackson-esque OMG:

Ohhhhhh my god. Dude was like super fucking racist. So racist that his election emboldened racists enough where they literally revived the KKK. His AG, Palmer, loved to deport leftists for no reason. There's so much shit about Wilson I can't fit it into 280 chars.

I think she could have gone in on Nixon a bit harder (for creating the war on drugs for example):

Created the southern strategy and stoked racial tensions. Sabotaged the peace negotiations for Vietnam in order to get elected, then prolonged the war. Bombed the shit out of Laos and Cambodia for no real reason. Also watergate.

Only Lincoln and John Quincy Adams get off relatively unscathed.

[reaganyouth]

Merry Easter bitches and Passover alike. Now go say your lords prayer about forgiving your debtors as you get ready to pay your rent, cuz it sure ain’t a Happy one

It's Easter and no ones at church, sacrilegious ! Maybe now people can finally grow up and realize religion is useless today. Priests are more pedophile then they're clerical. They used to be "clerics" in the sense they told you what day it was, church bells gave the hour of day because no one had a watch or read your mail because few could read and write, let alone count. We're told to expect a new "normal". Trump promised us deaths would be down to zero and we'd be allowed out for Easter. Instead only promise he delivered on was handing out hard working taxpayers money to corporate interests,none to individuals expressing their individuality. Only Rothchilds and Hapsburgs are allowed that while Senator Loeffler

and her husband, who runs the NYSE insider trade away on our misery. Think those fucks have cabin fever stuck inside their cities like some bird locked in a cage,only able to be let out and fly around the room, but never really free. This shit is, was and doesn't have to be the new normal. There are pyramids in Egypt, the Bible tells the "greatest story ever told" and it's so good it's still going on now. Wage slavery and incarceration, just like being an indentured servant is plain ole slavery, and slavery is murder. The White House has it's Pyramid just like there's a pyramid in Trafalgar Square or the front yard of the Vatican. Yes that Vatican that's not doing mass 'live" but on line, so you can't eat Christ's body or even drink his blood. Go out because you're covered in Jesus' blood and that protects you? What does that Bible belter identify with,the centurion that stabs Jesus' side? Now to get us used to being traced. Greenbacks are gonna disappear and your dealer is gonna have your info in their app. Out of town? Then download the app steering you to your closet local drug dealing spot. but until then y om the rich and give to the poor, the last mafioso not state sanctioned, no not Kevin Costner or even Robin Hood, but Salvatore Guiliano. 

Go watch Francis Ford Coppola's "The Sicilian" if you want to watch a really crappy movie about Guiliano with no mention of that fact. My source, a Sicilian who drove me all around Germany so he schooled me on that. Fuck google search. But rent is going to be due. So what's you gonna do? I know some landlords are smoking crack and drinking while their beautiful daughter stays with them because they're out of work. You can't model now. Thanks landlord of my band mate, for doing that and not asking her for rent. But self medicating ain't gonna help. 99% of Landlords shouldn't die but they shouldn't get paid either. they are not our Lord and it ain’t their land. PROPERTY IS THEFT !. I'm talking about motherfuckers who would charge every human to breath if the could control the air around us. And what to do with them ? I’d suggest the Yugoslavian communist model of having the children of the 1% kill their parents if they want to live in a just society as opposed to Pence wanting U.S. to follow the Italian model of stop counting the dead. Now some will say “But now's not the time! To talk about this”. Too busy in isolation ? Or “We got to come together in this tragedy” By not having enough time to think of an alternative to the new normal ? Or by respecting the dead by ignoring them ? One NYC cop dies it's a big deal and all over the news. When 25 die they're a statistic. As for my view of the police I align myself in the same train of thought as Pier Pasolini. Now today Anarchists have someone like Cody Rutledge Wilson 

but where are the Leon Czolgosz's ? He treated McKinley presidential the same way Lincoln and JFK were treated presidential. If it wasn't for Leon then we never would have had the only president with the balls to threaten to sic the U. S Army on the Coal Barron's and not striking miners. 

But that president spoke softly and carried a big stick while today our president talks shit and thought it okay for America to get sick. Sicker then any other country out there today. China sure knew how to play Trump like a fiddle and all they needed was the best chocolate cake Trump ever ate. Don’t snicker at communism, it’s still going strong in China where they didn’t have to renounce religion because they don’t believe in God. God is dead and if you don’t know now you know. Where is our Nestor Makhnov? 

Allowing prosperity for all while repulsing the 1% and greedy neighbors like Russia and Germany. Was Nestor Maknov the leader? No, just the head amongst equals. And what happened after a president last wielded power like Teddy Rooselvelt,

Americas most popular president of all time, well by 99% of it’s citizens at his time? Betrayed by Taft which opened the door for the KKK's Woodrow Wilson to be president. He instituted the banking system, The Fed, that insures the rich get richer and the poor get murdered as he presided over WWI plus the Spanish Flu and got rid of many unwanteds. Kinda like what’s going on today. Now History ain’t as big as religion here in Amerikkka so I’ll offer up a sermon or two;

If I were asked to answer the following question: What is slavery? and I should answer in one word, It is murder!, my meaning would be understood at once. No extended argument would be required to show that the power to remove a man's mind, will, and personality, is the power of life and death, and that it makes a man a slave. It is murder. Why, then, to this other question: What is property? may I not likewise answer, It is robbery!, without the certainty of being misunderstood; the second proposition being no other than a transformation of the first?

— Pierre-Joseph Proudhon, What is Property?[I]

That was some new testimonial for y’all

Ending it a real creation story

The first man who, having enclosed a piece of ground, bethought himself of saying 'This is mine', and found people simple enough to believe him, was the real founder of civil society. From how many crimes, wars, and murders, from how many horrors and misfortunes might not any one have saved mankind, by pulling up the stakes, or filling up the ditch, and crying to his fellows: Beware of listening to this impostor; you are undone if you once forget that the fruits of the earth belong to us all, and the earth itself to nobody."

DO THEY OWE US A LIVING ?

OF COURSE THEY FUCKING DO ! 

Peace Unto Us All,.... well 99.9% of us that is ;-)

[not-close-to-straight]

Bad Ideas (Chapter 2)

Welcome back to the story! Catch up on Chapter One HERE!  *********************************************

“Wade, this is not a filing system.”

“I don't know what you mean by that honey buns, all those papers are in a filing cabinet. Therefore, they are filed, therefore in a system.” Wade looked up from replacing the battery in his drill and frowned. “What more do you need?”

“Yeah, well.” Peter pushed his glasses up on his forehead long enough to rub at his eyes. “Just because you toss random papers in a file cabinet doesn't mean it's filed. Or sorted. Or organized. Or looking like anything other than a rats nest.”

“You’re awfully rude for someone who hasn't combed his hair in three days.” Wade snipped back. “You want to talk about rats nests?”

Peter sighed in exasperation. “First of all, I combed my hair. It just always looks a little--”

“Rat-nesty?” Wade huffed and stomped out of the office dramatically. “I'm not paying you to talk about hair, Peter! Shut the hell up and do the secretary thing!”

“You’re not paying me at all!” Peter yelled to his retreating back. “Pay day was last Friday!”

“Damn, I'm sorry about that.” Wade did an abrupt about face and started digging for his wallet. “Seriously, Petey that was shitty of me. This is like the third payday I’ve been late on isn't it? Here. I'll give you some extra because I'm a forgetful bastard.”

“I was just--” Peter stared when Wade started counting off hundreds. “I mean, it's not like it's a huge deal. You feed me and I drink all your beer and it's not--God, Wade, seriously. Not a big deal. Stop counting out money. That's way too much.”

“Here.” Wade slapped a handful of bills down. “Sorry about that. Next time just use that plump pretty mouth of yours for something other than holding a pen and maybe use it to --”

“Wade!”-- the plump, pretty mouth in question dropped open in shock and Wade held up a hand.

“--to remind me it's pay day. Jesus, Peter, where did you think I was going with that sentence? What kind of person do you think I am?”

“Not gonna answer that.” Peter picked up the money, and started to protest again as he counted it, but Wade shook his head warningly. “Alright, I'll just say thanks for the obscene amount of cash you just handed me and pretend it doesn't feel sketchy at all.”

“Good boy.” Wade murmured approvingly but teasingly. “Good omega, such a pretty young thing, obeying me like that. Gonna give you all sorts of money and buy you things and--”

“Get out you pervert.” Peter threw a handful of pens at him, and the mechanic just laughed and went back to the shop.

Sitting back at the desk, Peter sighed and looked mournfully at the mess of papers. Working for Wade this past six or seven weeks certainly hadn't been easy, but it definitely was better than any other option. Besides, Wade him laugh, and treated him well, which is something that never happened while working freelance for the Bugle or being Spider--

He shut his thoughts down hard, picking up a blank file and labeling it determinedly, setting his mind on the task of organizing several years worth of paperwork for his new boss, so he wouldn't think about New York or anything he left there.

But paperwork was hardly interesting, so inevitably, unavoidably, his thoughts wandered again, and landed where they always did these days- on the broad shoulders and wicked smile of one overly Alpha Wade Wilson.

Peter hadn't even been sure at first if the man was completely sane, as he often caught him muttering to himself as he worked on whatever car was in the shop, but Wade had caught him looking once, smiled sheepishly and explained that when you worked alone all the time, even talking to yourself was better than the silence. Peter couldn't argue with that, he had taken to talking to himself lonely nights on patrol, so he guessed that was normal.

And then of course there was the time Peter had bent over to pick up a box, and turned around to find Wade openly leering at him. The mechanic had pointed a big wrench in his direction and simply said “Speak now or forever hold your peace, because from now on I will be commenting on that ass loudly and often. Are you sure you aren't looking for work as an escort? Or do they call you ‘models’ these days because damn I could just--”

Peter had rolled his eyes, shrugged, tuned out the man's rambling and went back to work, and as a result, a steady litany of ‘honey buns’ and ‘sweet cheeks’ and ‘sugar butt’ followed him wherever he went. He didn't mind, he didn't, because the Alpha never pushed it, never did more than occasionally look, and always said the words as casually as he would Peter's real name. It was actually fairly innocent, all things considered.

And really, if Wade hadn't brought up their secondary genders in such a straightforward way that very first day, Peter wouldn't think the man even had one. While most Alphas tripped over themselves to feed, clothe, protect, and provide for an unbonded Omega, Wade was content to leave Peter be. When he had nightmares and knew waves of tired, fear, uneasy were rolling off him, Wade didn't even look up from whatever project he had in front of him. Every Alpha in the world was wired to respond to a hurt Omega, but the other day a toolbox had fallen on Peter's foot, and he had very nearly screamed and Wade had glanced up and asked if it was broken, and went right to working.

In a way it didn't seem fair, because even with his suppressants and scent blockers, Peter was too fucking aware of everything the Alpha did. The way Wade stretched after getting out from under a car. The way his throat moved when he drank a beer. It was distracting as hell. Even with the mysterious and honestly, kind of terrifying scars, Wade was a good looking guy. All cheekbones and strong jaw and deep dark eyes. Big hands and bigger arms and so many muscles Peter wanted to weep. Easily 200 pounds, probably more, and it was all just so many muscles.

Distracting. As. Hell.

“Hey, pretty boy, you done staring into space? Just got that last car out the door. Lets call it a day.” Wade interrupted his thoughts, startling the hell out of him, and winged a bottle of his favorite brew across the room. Peter's hand shot up lighting fast and snatched it out of the air.

Wade looked a little impressed. “I was aiming for your face, you know. Those reflexes of yours are pretty quick.”

“Or maybe you should just aim better next time.” Peter twisted the cap off the beer and took a long drink. “I supposed I’ve put a big enough dent in this disaster today.”

“Caught up much? Or still slogging through the jungle?” Wade jerked his head toward the outside, and Peter got up to follow him.

“I've gotten through one year so far. Receipts, bills, more receipts, work orders, purchase orders, random shit you keep for some reason. And it only took me a month. So you know, another year or so and I should be done catching up, and ready to tackle all of the paperwork from this year that you haven't done.”  

“It's your job to do the paperwork, not my problem if you are behind. And congratulations.” Wade kicked his usual chair over and Peter dropped into it with a loud sigh. “You're a fourth of the way caught up.”

“So what, then? If I'm only a fourth of the way there, you've been here four years?”

“Yeah. Just about.” Wade took a pull from his bottle and Peter knew to drop the conversation. Wade could talk bull shit all day but the second it turned into anything remotely related to his past, he shut it down. It was alright with Peter. He didn't want Wade asking questions about him either. Their arrangement was fine. It worked just fine.

“So. You gonna be moving on soon?” Wade asked suddenly, all too casually, staring off down the driveway.

“Uh, I wasn't planning on it?” Peter scratched his head awkwardly. “Is this not working out? I thought we were getting on alright.” He spread his hands in confusion. “Should I be moving on?”

“Oh no. No, no. We’re getting on just fucking fine, sweet cheeks. You just don't seem like the type to stick around for real long, so I was trying to get a timeline on your departure date, is all.”

“Why would you say that?” Peter frowned. “I live here, don't I? I've moved in, am here every day for work, we have drinks together half the time. Does that not seem...I mean that seems pretty stable.”

“Yeah but you showed up with just a backpack.” Wade pointed out. “And it's not like you sent away for any boxes or anything. And I know you're running from something. So I just assumed…”

“What do you mean, you know I'm running from something? How could you possibly--why would you assume that?” Peter's voice rose anxiously, and Wade shook his head.

“I’ve done a lot of running in my day, kid. I just know the look. Now I don't care what you’re running from-” Wade assured him, “so stop panicking. I don't care, either. Don't want to know. If you want to stay here, you are welcome to stay as long as you want. But if you want to leave, I just don't want to wake up one morning and you be gone. So a little heads up is all I'm asking for.”

“That's fair.” Peter reached for another beer, and handed one to Wade when he held his hand out. “Well, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. So.”

“Good.”

They sat in silence for a long time, nursing their beers, watching the sunset behind the hills across from the garage. This was Peter's favorite time of day. After work, after any errands, when Wade would hand him a beer and they’d just sit on the deck of the house. Sometimes they talked, most times they didn't. Sometimes Wade sat a little closer to him, other times Peter sat clear on the other side. Most nights they parted ways after one beer, others they sat out until the stars came out, and the night wind turned cold.

Tonight, Wade finished his second beer in silence, then stood and rubbed a hand over his bare scalp. “Want to come in for dinner, then? I don't know what you eat all the time, but it certainly isn't fattening you up at all.”

“Uh, sure? Dinner sounds good. But um, can you cook?”

“Can I cook, he asks.” Wade mocked him in a high tone, heading into his house without waiting to see if Peter was following. “Why no, Peter, I thought I would invite you over and feed you ramen and chips. Jesus Christ, fucking kids these days just thinking--”

“I'm walking right next to you Wade! Quit talking to yourself like a psycho!” Peter sounded annoyed but was laughing and Wade shot him a completely affronted look, but held the door of his house open so Peter could walk ahead of him.

“You could at least thank me for holding the door open for you.” he scolded and the gorgeous brunette tossed a grin over his shoulder.

“I would, but you only did it so you could look at my ass.” Wade leaned forward and licked his lips exaggeratedly and Peter started laughing.  “Down boy! Stop looking at my ass! Or at least be subtle about it!”

“But honey it's sooo pretty!” Wade whined, and Peter laughed all the way inside.

*******************************

A surprisingly good dinner and several beers later, Peter was feeling loose and relaxed, sipping slowly from his last bottle, head tipped back against the back of Wade’s couch. The house was cozy, but uncluttered. No pictures on the wall, but the bookshelf was over flowing. Hardwood floors but thick rugs under all the furniture. One bathroom and bedroom downstairs decorated in the most outrageous floral print Peter had ever seen, and the master suite upstairs was all modern design, and black and white and red colors. The entire house was odd, and funny and just right.

Peter felt at home almost instantly, surrounded by the scent of Alpha, and he sighed, long and slow, and closed his eyes.

He'd never really been around an Alpha like this. As Spider-Man he had spent so much time teaching himself to not react to Alphas or Omegas that he'd never learned exactly how comforting an Alpha's scent could be, or how distressing. And Wade was a disconcerting mix of the two. Sitting in the house, surrounded by so much of Wade, Peter didn't know if he wanted to bury himself in a nest of blankets and never leave, or run away because the scent made him so aware of absolutely everything about himself and the Alpha.

So for now, he just leaned farther back, taking small sips from his beer, letting himself sink into the couch and be warm and comfortable.

Damn it. Wade thought, coming around the corner with a fresh beer and stopping in his tracks. Peter was draped over the couch, all long legs and lean muscles, eyes closed and rolling the rim of his drink over those pretty pretty he's just so pretty lips. He looked completely relaxed, entirely comfortable, and like he fucking belonged and deep in Wade's chest, his Alpha stirred.

Hell no. Big nope. Nopety nope.

“Dial it back.” Wade instructed brusquely and Peter raised an eyebrow, disconcerted.

“Dial what back?” He looked genuinely confused and Wade wanted to kiss him. Wanted to kiss that confusion right out of those deep dark eyes.

Nopety nope big guy. Terrible idea. Abort mission, abort mission.

“The ‘I'm so relaxed all I want to do is be touched’ vibes. You're killing me, so dial it the fuck back so I can sit in my own living room. What did I tell you about your omega pheromones?” His voice was harsher than he meant it to be, but it was too late to take it back, and he saw the change in Peter's demeanor instantly.

“Sorry.” Peter sat up, hunching his shoulders, averting his eyes. “Sorry, I thought you weren't interested, or-or were immune to all that or something. I wasn't trying to--”

“I'm might not be interested, but no Alpha is immune to all that, baby boy. Relaxed happy Omegas call to all of us.” He flopped into a recliner still a good distance from where Peter was blushing and rolling his bottle between his fingers, and trying not to react to the annoyance coming from the big alpha.

“You want to talk about what you're running from?” He said after a minute, trying to soften his voice so Peter would stop looking like a kicked puppy. But if it was possible, Peter folded even farther in on himself.

“No.” He shook his head firmly. “No thanks. Hey, uh, you know...thanks for dinner. But if it's alright, I think I'll head out now. Don't want to accidentally overwhelm you with any...vibes or whatever, and I should stop drinking if I hope to wake up in time tomorrow. So yeah. I'll head out.”

“That's fine.” Wade felt bad about being so short about earlier, so he caught his gaze as the kid passed and grinned. “Sleep tight Peter-pie.”

That got a half smile from the boy, and Wade absolutely did not want to growl in approval.

I am 100% not interested in that omega.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter 11252018

25 November, 2018

Dear Dad--

Happy late Thanksgiving! My Thanksgiving was really, really nice. Like the best one in years. We woke up and started cooking. I made my sausage Bisquick balls, so everyone could make ball jokes. Zach then made an apple brown betty. We went to Stacy and Eric’s place for Thanksgiving brunch! Eric made peppered bacon and little muffins that tasted of apple and pumpkin spice. I brought the balls. (“Your balls are really amazing! They taste so good in my mouth!”) Stacy made cranberry relish (which looks like a puppy drank a bottle of pepto bismol and then exploded, but it’s actually a delicious blend of cranberries and sour cream and horseradish and other shit, good for dipping the balls in.)

I helped do a few dishes and everyone sat around eating and being thankful for being able to eat peppered bacon and balls and not have to go to our jobs. I gave Stacy a late birthday present and a card. The present was a small purse (more like a clutch…?) that had shiny beads on both sides that made it look like a peacock feather. Hard to describe, but as far as purses go, this was a beautiful, iridescent little sparkly thing that I found hypnotic. If I had any desire to own a clutch, (you know, to store nails or gunpowder in, whatever) this is the one I’d want. As it happens, I’m not a purse kinda guy.

After the lovely food, Zach and I came home to start preparing our own Thanksgiving feast. I made a ham with a Dr. Pepper glaze, and stuffing. Zach made cornbread and crock pot macaroni and cheese (you know, just like the pilgrims did) and everything was great. My friend Tom, who was my first boyfriend and then my good friend and roommate for a long time after that, showed up to share our dinner. That was nice; haven’t seen so much of him since he moved to the opposite side of town, and Zach and I moved into the teeny shoe box in the south side of town.

On the subject of shitty dwellings, I wrote an (...essay, I guess you’d call it?) online recently about the main reason why Zach and I want to move out of Austin, besides the crowds and the heat: the cost of living here. It occurs to me that having just enough money to pay the monthly bills, with nothing left over, can have a seriously negative impact on your well being after a while. It makes you worry about car breakdowns, so you drive less. It means you go to fewer movies. It places lots of limits on your behavior, and that just sucks. So, since living someplace outside of Austin is going to be so much cheaper, we’re curious to see what this does to our day-to-day mindset. Perhaps we’ll feel freer to go do more things. Perhaps we’ll be able to afford to, for a change.

And that’s what this whole move is about. Zach really dislikes it here, and while there are parts of Austin life that I dislike, the main reason I want to leave, is because I’m stagnating here. There’s so much happening here! And I don’t get to participate in much of it, because it’s either too crowded or too expensive. I don’t think there will be many things to do in Marquette, Michigan that are too crowded. And I know it’ll be less expensive. We’ve found two restaurants we want to try, and they both have stupid names: Donker’s, and Beef-A-Roo. Donker’s is kind of like Appleby’s, or TGI Fridays, or Chili’s; it’s a standard sit-down American food place. Beef-A-Roo is a burger joint that’s apparently been in operation since 1967, otherwise known as The Year of Stacy’s Birth, and with a name that stupid, if they’ve been around that long, they must be doing something right. Zach and I are planning on going, but we’ll do so over our own aesthetic objections, because nothing named Beef-A-Roo should be allowed to operate for very long without being required to get a less stupid name. Also, we want to go because it’s hard to fuck up a cheeseburger, and maybe there's something magical about how they do it.

There’s been so much going on in the news lately! Aside from all the exciting political stuff, we’re now supposed to avoid romaine lettuce because, as with all vegetables, turns out it’s deadly poison.

Oh! I’m reading a good book again. Not sure if I’ve recommended it already, so allow me to do so now. The book is called Dead Wake, by Erik Larson. It’s about life aboard the Lusitania, and its sinking, as well as the life aboard the U-boat (U-20) that sank it. Fascinating stuff. And I’ve just reached the point where the torpedo hit the Lusitania (spoiler alert), so things are starting to happen pretty quickly. Trying to get lifeboats deployed when they’re manned by panicking people, from a ship that’s still moving through the water pretty quickly, and listing badly toward the bow and the starboard, is excitingly difficult, as it turns out! At least a couple of lifeboats got filled with people, and then upended on the trip down to the water, dumping all the people out. The German captain couldn’t even keep watching through his periscope, all the well-to-do honkies in mortal distress, putting their life jackets on wrong, and bobbing with their butts in the air.

Now that the Lusitania has sunk, I suppose I get to learn next how it fits into the broader context of World War I. I should remember this from previous reading, but I don’t. (Damn you, Mary Jane!) I assume it’s integral to the United States’ entry into the war? So far the book is only talking about Woodrow Wilson as it pertains to him falling in wuv and proposing marriage to some lady that became his friend after his wife died. History! There’s always someone wanting to fuck someone else. :)

More next week. Stay warm! Haven't got too many new funny pics off the internet lately, so here are some classics. Hope there aren't too many repeats.

[our-umair-mehry-stuff]

Every US President at their worst By Jason Kottke

On Twitter, @InstantSunrise wrote an entertaining thread “in which I drag every single US president in order”. She starts off with The Founding Fathers:

Thomas Jefferson: Motherfucker owned slaves, and was a rapist, committed forced removal against Native Americans. Started an actual war in North Africa and a trade war with Britain that would eventually escalate into an actual war.

Andrew Jackson is deservedly dragged more than most:

Ohhhhhh my god. This absolute motherfucker garbage president. Literally committed genocide. Owned slaves, gave govt. jobs to people who gave him money. Decided that a central bank was a bad idea and closed it in 1837, breaking the entire economy.

Teddy Roosevelt gets a B/B-:

Did some good busting trusts and monopolies with his big dick energy. Discovered that if you bait the media with “access” they’ll eat up whatever shit you say. Had a lot of policies that were racist as shit, like banning all Japanese ppl from entering the US.

Woodrow Wilson gets a Jackson-esque OMG:

Ohhhhhh my god. Dude was like super fucking racist. So racist that his election emboldened racists enough where they literally revived the KKK. His AG, Palmer, loved to deport leftists for no reason. There’s so much shit about Wilson I can’t fit it into 280 chars.

I think she could have gone in on Nixon a bit harder (for creating the war on drugs for example):

Created the southern strategy and stoked racial tensions. Sabotaged the peace negotiations for Vietnam in order to get elected, then prolonged the war. Bombed the shit out of Laos and Cambodia for no real reason. Also watergate.

Only Lincoln and John Quincy Adams get off relatively unscathed.

Tags: lists   politics   USA August 28, 2018 at 10:42PM via kottke.org https://ift.tt/2NsRdnO