#ectases

[j6ce9keds]

Indian Lady Fucked by a Tourist in a Hotel Free HD Porn MILF stepmom sucks her stepson while dad on the phone Sexy Jenny Does First Casting and Plays With Toy,GrateCumVideos Tits For Dessert with Alix Lovell and pussy hard slamming Shave my dick in outside shower Big ass brunette fucking slaves coach horny teen twerks with no panties Athlete Jizzy McBone teasing before toys masturbation Small penis sex position gay porn movie xxx Brendan and Lucas are out Novinha Deliciosa mexendo o rabao gostoso

[davidecitton]

"If you have found the truth within you there is nothing else in this existence to be found. The truth works through you. When you open your eyes, it is the truth that opens its eyes: When you close them it is the truth that closes its eyes. This is a very powerful meditation. If you can understand this simple trick, you don't have to do anything: whatever you do is done by the truth. You walk, it is the truth, you sleep, it is the truth that rests; you speak, it is the truth that speaks; you are silent, it is the truth that is silent. It is one of the simplest meditation techniques. Little by little everything calms down thanks to this elementary formula, and in the end the technique is no longer necessary. When you are healed, you throw away the meditation, you throw away the medicine. At this point you live as truth – alive, radiant, satisfied, ectasic, a true hymn to life! Your entire existence becomes a prayer not expressed in words; or, it is better to say a devotion, a grace, a beauty that does not belong to our earthly world, a ray of light that comes from the beyond and radiates into the darkness of our world." ~ Osho🌹 "The Divine Melody of Being"

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

chapter guide  |  chat with me  |  maybe a coffee?

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

chapter warnings: [check chapter guide for story warnings] mentions and/or descriptions of night terrors

c h a p t e r   f o u r   —   it’s not like me to be so mean you’re all i wanted

“Are you sure about this?” MC asked as she stepped into Jumin’s office. He closed the door behind her and sat on one of the sofas, inviting her to do the same.

“I already told you it’s more than okay. We have an interior designer but I… I am discontent with how this office looks. I want to change it and you need a job, what’s there more to ask?”

“I guess you’re right,” she replied with a smile, taking out a notebook from her purse. “I guess I was just worried you would have a problem with your father about hiring a different interior designer.”

“Not at all, I made all the normal paperwork C&R asks for a new employee, like a background check and some other revisions. You will also get the benefits freelancers get from our company, in case you were wondering.”

MC shot her eyes up at Jumin. He looked back at her, his eyebrow slightly raised. The silence between both of them became thick, the notebook on MC’s hands trembling slightly

“You’re worried about what I saw on the background check,” Jumin rationalizes, crossing one of his legs over the other one. MC nodded, her eyes darting from her notebook to the man sitting in front of her. Never before had she felt so vulnerable with someone from the RFA.

All this time, she believes only Saeyoung knew about it, since he was a hacker. She had done the best to hide her steps, never commenting on anything she shouldn’t have, knowing that even though Saeran was a better hacker than Saeyoung, he trusted her enough to not dig around her past and she planned to keep it that way.

She would tell him eventually, she had told herself. When she was ready.

“You shouldn’t worry about that. It’s not like you did something wrong,” the man in front of her said. “By your reaction I assume no one knows? Well, Saeyoung probably does. Does Saeran…?” MC shook her head. “I see. Well, he won’t hear it from me,” he assured her. “You can stop worrying about that.”

MC stayed in silence for another moment and then opened her small notebook with a long sigh.

“I’m guessing you’re going to want cats somewhere?” she asked with a small smile, to which Jumin imitated her.

“I actually do. I’ve been thinking about getting some cat pottery. I’ve found a couple of those at a designer website that seem to be a good fit.”

“Can you send me the link, please?” she asked, taking a note. “I will try to see if they still have them.”

The rest of the conversation fluctuated between casual conversation and ideas about Jumin’s new office. Even though she tried her best, she couldn’t shake the feeling of someone else knowing what had happened a few years ago. She wasn’t ready to tell everyone (and a part of her was sure she would never be) and now she felt as if Jumin was finally looking at the real her. The way he talked to her was the same, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something was bound to happen at any second, that if too many people knew about it, somehow history would repeat itself.

Jumin insisted she returned home with Driver Kim and, as soon as she jumped out of the car, she went straight to the kitchen. Distract yourself , had been the clear indication she had been told whenever her thoughts were too much. She put her earphones on with music on high volume as she followed the recipe.

Distract yourself , she repeated the words someone else told her before. No. She didn’t get to break down at something that didn't happen. Jumin didn’t question her about it. Hell, Saeyoung had never questioned her about it. Why would she allow herself to feel like this?

No, she deserved to feel like this. She had the right to feel scared, she had the right to feel whatever she wanted to feel. It had happened a while back, yes, but it was not going to happen again. She felt her chest tighten. It was not happening again. Just because people knew didn’t make it any different. She wasn’t in the wrong, she hadn’t done nothing to feel shame about what happened. It was okay, she was going to be okay, she was--

She felt a hand over her shoulder and screamed.

“It’s me, it’s me!” Saeyoung said, raising his hands in surrender as you took your earphones off. “I’m sorry, I asked you something and you didn’t listen. I’m sorry.”

MC shook her head. “It's okay. You just startled me, that’s all. Not used to you being without  the leg cast.”

“How did it go with Jumin?” Saeyoung asked carefully.

“Oh, it was okay. He has some ideas so maybe I’ll work on that later. I have to bring him a proposal by the end of the week,” she explained. Saeyoung nodded and waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. He understood.

“I was just going to ask what you were planning on cooking today,” Saeyoung said, his tone playful, trying to lift her mood. “Honestly, I’ve been so blessed since you started taking care of the food around here. God listened to his humble server and said: You! You deserve good food!” he joked, pointing at a corner in the kitchen. MClaughed. “And I was there, choking on a Honey Buddah probably, agog, aghast,” he said, running to the same corner and playing himself. “Thankful. Blessed. Touched by God’s light and MC’s cooking.”

More laughter erupted from MC as Saeyoung kept joking around. The door opened and they both saw Saeran entering the apartment, hands on his pockets and a dull expression on his face.

“Saeran! I made dinner,” Saeyoung beamed.

“I made dinner,” she corrected him, elbowing him on the ribs playfully. MC looked over at Saeran and smiled at him. “It’s going to be ready in twenty minutes or so.”

“I don’t want it,” Saeran muttered, leaving his keys on the small coffee table. Her smile faded and she did the best to bring it back up.

“Should I save you some for later?”

“No,” he said, avoiding her gaze and heading over to his room. The smile on her face finally vanished and she felt once more a hand on your shoulder. Saeyoung looked at MC apologetically and she shrugged, trying to rest importance to what just had happened.

“I’m guessing you do want some?” she asked and he immediately nodded with a smile.

“Please, I’m starving,” he sighed, putting a hand on his neck theatrically. You giggled and went back to your cooking, listening to Saeyoung rant about something he had seen on a movie the past week.

You had never been so thankful to have him.

…

Apparently, decorating an office with little cat motives while also maintaining a professional look was harder than MC had expected. She had been up all night in her room looking for new furniture and items she could add, drawing and drawing Jumin’s room in her pad and checking the photos and measurements she had taken earlier over and over again.

It felt good to finally be back to work again. After months of thinking only about religious cults and Saeran’s recovery, she knew she needed to get back on track. She had been without a job for about two months when Saeran had first contacted her to try out “an app”, and thinking she hadn’t many job opportunities before and rent wasn’t going to wait for her, she had taken it.

And now there she was, four months later trying to get back on the saddle.

MC clicked the next page on the website and a pop up of a blonde woman offering her help navigating the website made chills run down her spine. How long would it be until she could stop thinking about Rika? She took a sip of her coffee and let out a long sigh.

She still couldn’t believe Rika was found unimpeachable. Her attorney had brought a psychiatrist to the court who claimed to have assessed her as she waited for the trial. Apparently, Rika had been through her fair share of trauma as a child. Thanks to Yoosung, MC already knew Rika had been adopted by cruel parents and judging by what she’d seen at Mint Eye, she was sure Rika wasn’t in her best mental state. The updates MC read online didn’t provide any video of the trial itself as some subjects were private, but the source did confirm Rika was practically delusional. She had talked about a childhood friend named Mika, who she claimed has given her the idea for Mint Eye. But when Rika’s attorney tried looking for her, he discovered said Mika had died at the brief age of ten years, just a couple of years after being adopted.

Apart from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the psychiatrist had diagnosed Rika with, it seemed Rika couldn’t differentiate real life from her imagination anymore. The psychiatrist claimed she also had a complex personality disorder that could take time to correctly diagnose. The information presented on trial was enough for the judge to find Rika unimpeachable and sent her to a mental facility to spend the rest of her days.

The night she read those updates from the trial, as she rocked Saeran softly to help him sleep again after a nightmare, MC let herself cry again, torn between the feelings of wanting her to suffer and trying to understand she hadn’t been in her right mind from a very young age. As she looked through the window, she thought about V. She remembered Saeran mentioning V had been a victim of Rika as well and her heart broke by how much suffering he had been into while also being kind to her during the days MC spent at Mint Eye.

MC closed her eyes and wished V were healing as she was thinking about him.

A loud crash startled her, making her look at the door. Another crash and screams followed and she quickly stood up, recognizing Saeran’s voice immediately. She opened Saeran’s room and found him tossling on his bed, eyes closed and face damp with sweat.

“Saeran, wake up,” she whispered, standing on the edge of the bed. “Saeran, baby, it’s a nightmare,” she said in the softest voice possible, grazing his arm with her fingertips.

The door opened again and Saeyoung entered, his honey eyes widening at his brother screaming on the bed. He quickly jumped on the bed, ignoring MC’s protests and took Saeran by the shoulders, sitting him up.

“Saeran, wake up!” he said, shaking his shoulders. Saeran’s teal eyes opened and Saeyoung smiled again. “Hey, it was a--”

And that was when the first strike hit.

Saeran had punched Saeyoung in the face, who had fallen on the bed backwards. Saeran hit him once more as his brother tried to cover himself. MC gasped loudly and quickly latched herself on Saeran’s back, trying to restrain his arms the best she could.

“Saeran, it was a nightmare!” she yelled. She could hear Saeyoung’s grunts underneath his brother and she wished she had more strength than Saeran. “You’re safe! You’re not in Min Eye, you’re safe!” she assured him, using all the force she had to restrain his arms, stopping him from hitting Saeyoung any further. “Saeran, you’re safe!”

It took Saeran a moment to stop his movements. His body immediately tensed up and MC figured out he had noticed Saeyoung’s body underneath him. When she demeaned safe, she let go of his arms, which fell limp against his sides.

“Are you okay?” she whispered and looked at Saeran nodding slowly.

“What happened?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

Saeyoung got up from bed and MC noticed the faint stain of blood on his cheek. He put his hand over Saeran’s shoulder and shrugged nonchalantly.

“You had a nightmare, but it’s okay now!” he said with a grin. Saeran looked up with a grimace.

“I hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

“I hardly doubt she did,” Saeran muttered, his head leaning to MC’s side. Saeyoung dismissed him, moving his hand.

“Don’t worry about it. Gonna get cleaned up, try to get some rest, bro,” he said, leaving Saeran’s room.

Without a word, Saeran got back into his bed and even let MC put the sheets over him. Her face was full of concern and he realized for the first time, she was quiet after one of his nightmares. She would usually talk to him, trying to get his thoughts to stop swimming around like they were in that moment.

“Did I hurt you?” he asked, making her eyes look at him. She quickly nodded.

“I held you back, so you didn’t hurt me,” she replied, putting a strand of his hair behind his ear. “But don’t worry about that now. Did you take your pill before falling asleep?”

Saeran nodded, watching MC’s lips purse.

“They will start working better soon, I promise,” she whispered. Saeran watched her lean down as she always did to leave a kiss on his forehead but stopped herself. His chest ached. “I’m still working on that Jumin project, so I’ll be awake for a while. Knock my door if anything happens, okay?” she asked him sweetly and he nodded once more.

Battling with her intense desire to stay, MC stood up and left Saeran’s room without looking back. There wasn’t anything in the world she wanted more than to stay by his side until he fell back asleep but she also knew he needed to get better without the need to have her around. He couldn’t depend on her, no matter how much she was craving to go back and snuggle up with him, trying to chase all his nightmares away.

There was also the lingering concern about Saeyoung.

She found him in the bathroom, trying to pour alcohol over the wound on his cheek. She stopped him and made him sit on the toilet gently, trying to assess the damage. Thankfully, his cheekbone didn’t seem to be broken and the wound on his cheek was small, so there wasn’t the need for stitches. MC started cleaning it up in silence with a cotton pad, taking her time.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. She quickly shook her head.

“You didn’t know. But in the future, when he gets those night terrors… you need to wake him up gently. Works best on him or he gets confused and sometimes violent,” she explained. A move of her hand made Saeyoung hiss. “Sorry,” she whispered.

“Duly noted,” Saeyoung tried to smile, but failed. MC some cream on the other cheek, hoping it didn’t bruise too much.

“Just give him some time, please,” she asked him softly.

“Don’t worry for me, MC,” Saeyoung grinned. “I’m okay.”

MC wished she believed him.

previous chapter | next chapter [tba]

[ghost-band-aids]

Interview with GHOST and TRIBULATION

The Undisguised Truth

TOBIAS FORGE and JONATHAN HULTÉN have a lot in common. While one of them currently slips into the role of the exalted charmer Cardinal Copia as the singer of GHOST, the introverted TRIBULATION guitarist on stage transforms into a fascinating, expressive being who exists beyond genre and gender boundaries. What is real, what is an artificial figure? METAL HAMMER met both of them during their tour together for a conversation that allows far more than just a look behind the scenes of two of the most popular metal bands at the moment, but also unexpectedly intimate insights.

Tobias, originally you didn't want to be the singer of Ghost. Did the mask help you to come to terms with this exposed role?

Tobias Forge: Yes, well, at least from today's point of view. But I never wanted to be unknown.

What function does your stage make-up have, Jonathan?

Jonathan Hultén: It helps me to put myself in a certain mood. The idea behind it is to isolate and reinforce a fraction of myself, an aspect of my personality. To immerse myself in this is an experience beyond the everyday state of mind.

Strengthen also Cardinal Copia or Papa Emeritus facets of your personality, Tobias?

Tobias Forge: I'm not shy, but I'm not as sociable as Cardinal Copia - and also not a "physical clown" like him. What I do is a kind of mixed bag. I imitate people I find funny or interesting.

Basically, the way actors do it. If you asked Robert DeNiro how he came up with the young Don Corieone, he would probably say: Well, there was this guy in my old neighborhood... The costume gives you the opportunity to completely surrender yourself in that moment and just be that new person. That's interesting, because you only reveal it to a few people for a limited time. You don't have to see how that person lives the other 22 hours of the day. Like with actors: James Bond is cool because you only see certain sides of him. Never in the bathroom or shower. Well, not in the toilet, in the shower. But always in the company of a snake or something he kills.

How long does the transformation take?

Tobias Forge: But you finished much sooner than I did.

Jonathan Hultén: For pragmatic reasons. I like to get it done as soon as possible so as not to get in a bind later. How about you?

Tobias Forge: We have a very tight schedule. Pretty much exactly one hour before the show starts I walk in the door as Tobias and come out as someone else.

What does this transformation do to you?

Jonathan Hultén: You have to enter a stage with emphasis. So it's good to be prepared.

Tobias Forge: And that's what happens within this hour. You slowly start to move differently... I love being a different person for two hours and then changing back. But I need some time for that, usually I stay alone for an hour after the show.

Jonathan Hultén: That's good. As far as I can, I try to do the same. Mostly by doing something that I can be introspective about... ...carry things back and forth or something.

Tobias Forge: I think that's very important. There is potential suffering in art, especially in mental health. The smaller the discrepancy between yourself and the person you are portraying on stage, the harder it is to deal with. If you are merely associated with your stage character, people expect you to behave like that in real life.

And that can be problematic...

Tobias Forge: Exactly, because they created this super human being who can do anything, who has a carte blanche. Everyone applauds, everyone laughs, and everything you do is funny or cool. And if you take it to the bar afterwards... There are bad examples of people who can't get down in normal life, become alcoholics or, well, die.

Jonathan Hultén: Sure, all that can be destructive. But in my case it was very helpful to discover my more explosive, extroverted sides. And to dare to give them more space, because privately I am quite shy. That's also part of the process of building up, which takes a long time.

I gradually gain self-confidence from this, so that I can now express myself better in everyday situations.

Tobias Forge: I think they are one and the same. It's like mental martial arts, where the person who doesn't like the fight, but still has to face it - within the limits of the dojo, of course, so as not to hurt anyone. And, yes, art is basically good for anyone who has the desire to become someone else. It's a generalization, but I think there's a lot of truth in it: many artists choose this path because they weren't very popular at school. Or they can't come out of themselves, but their art offers them an opportunity to do so. It's fun to go on stage, to transform and feed off the energy or admiration.

How you interact with the audience has changed over the years.

Tobias Forge: Sure. The masked person has an advantage of about 70 concerts, so 1,000 hours on stage. If I had given myself the same amount of time to develop without the make-up, without the role, just with acoustic guitar, I might have created a completely different stage personality. But this is completely uninteresting for me, because I prefer this super character! (laughs)

Jonathan Hultén: transformation would then no longer be so dramatic, but much more subtle.

Tobias Forge: And you'd have to be comfortable in your own skin.

Jonathan Hultén: I'm working on it. (laughs)

Jonathan, your solo debut, CHANTS FROM ANOTHER PLACE, will be released soon and you will also be touring with Chelsea Wolfe. Will you be different on stage there than you are here with Tribulation?

Jonathan Hultén: It has become harder to separate the two. They are like different shades of the same color. And I've found that they both borrow a lot from each other. The tribulation performer exists much longer, so he has much more experience. He/she is like an archaeologist who explores an inner wildness and passion. Over the years a lot of weird stuff has been dug up and included.

On the other hand, the solo performer, who has only been around for about three yen and is still is at the beginning of the excavations. However, I expect that also here many interesting things will appear

What can we expect from you live?

Jonathan Hultén: Just like with Tribulation, the atmosphere will be very important. But apart from some dramatic excursions, the show will be mostly silent and contemplative. The silence gives more room for more complex emotions to unfold in a way that I miss in the energetic performances of Tribulation.

These in turn defy the unwritten rules of a traditional metal show, not least thanks to you. Tribulation are considered a death metal band...

Tobias Forge: I wouldn’t call you guys like that.

Do you see yourselves as pioneers? Do you enjoy being different?

Jonathan Hultén: I stopped thinking about whether people see me as stupid, weird or whatever. It's the only way I can do it. Headbanging just wasn't enough. I felt there had to be something bigger, some kind of ectase. This may be weird, but it feels good.

How important are grace and style to you?

Jonathan Hultén: Both are important, but it's equally important not to be obsessively attached to them. Someone once said that grace is a combination of spontaneity and control. It's a good rule of thumb - on and off stage. It's always about balance. Every situation is unique and requires a unique approach.

Tobias Forge: You should be really proud of it, apart from the fact that your music is great. Your performance is dramatically different from any other. Besides the music, your physical attributes and the way you present yourself make you a very unique and interesting person. Strange, cash, different. You should definitely pursue that. Yes, I think you should see yourself as a pioneer.

Jonathan Hultén: Mm, thank you. (chuckles)

What does that do to your audience?

Tobias Forge: If you are a live musician, have an antenna for it and you don't completely care, you always enter a symbiosis with the fans. Give and take, almost like in a physical relationship. You will try to perfect ways to give pleasure to each other. I know it sounds weird, but every decent relationship changes with age. You grow together, you have new needs or ideas. That's why some couples bring in other people, or whips or plugs. It's the same with you and the audience. During our second show I noticed that our audience is very positive, but I couldn't make a rhyme out of it.

Why that?

Tobias Forge: The room was filled with Hard Rock people, the kind of people I've been playing to since I was a teenager. But they weren't headbanging as usual. Instead they did something else.

Jonathan Hultén: Wiggle.

Tobias Forge:  Yeah, they were wiggling around. (laughs) And singing and laughing, very different from what I knew from Death or Black Metal shows.

Are there any other special features of your fans?

Tobias Forge: When we played the first headliner shows in America, I noticed for the first time the gender diversity in our audience. Our fans are a lot of girls, a lot of guys, and a lot in between. We've always been a magnet for people who are unhappy with their gender or don't feel they belong anywhere: Kids, many outsiders and outcasts in various fragile states.

Jonathan, Tobias' words seem to resonate with you.

Jonathan Hultén: Yes, they do. I don't speak for tribulation as a whole when I say this, but I personally don't feel I belong to either gender. But I've never felt the need to choose either. Androgyny is what I feel most comfortable with. This tendency probably also applies to performance, whether tribulation or solo.

Tobias Forge: The best portrayal of the devil I've ever seen is from the movie 'The Passion of Christ'. Satan is portrayed by a woman, but speaks in a man's voice and thus becomes the epitome of androgyny, completely genderless. For incorporating this aspect into your stage personality, I give credit to you and the band. Especially when you get together with Adam (Zaars, guitarist of Tribulation) on stage, it seems elfish and feminine, but also masculine. This is incredibly interesting and unusual, especially in the rigid heavy metal genre with this "men are men" and "women are women" thing: Doro Pesch, girl, Manowar, guys, great. But when I think of all the metal bands I like, there are also examples of very attractive androgyny, which is not necessarily sexual. Not to mention seventies rock bands.

You have been confronted with different kinds of music and art forms from a very young age. Does that give you an artistic advantage?

Jonathan Hultén: It helps me to keep my relationship to art fresh, to get excited. Whether in childhood or in adulthood: open-mindedness helps the creative process. If you're not afraid of opening up to all kinds of different music styles, you can find inspiration in the most surprising places. No matter where the idea comes from - the important thing is whether it works. Certainly, this is reflected in all areas of creative work. Become the medium through which the flow of inspiration flows - then collect the gold pieces that this flow carries with it and create something beautiful out of them.

Does the metal context limit your expressiveness?

Tobias Forge: I don' t feel restricted with Ghost at all. There are only a few ideas I can' t realize with the band, because Ghost is a combination of all the things I like about music, cinema and theatre. But if there is enough time in the future, I would love to be in a completely different band where I am not the center of attention. I am a guitarist and would like to sing backup. That corresponds to me much more.

Jonathan Hultén: I'm exploring something new, and it's been quite interesting - and different. There are endless possibilities to discover yourself, artistically and as an artist. Only unfortunately there is not enough time.

I'm afraid that we don't have enough time either.

Tobias Forge: Yes, but these things are existential. They are not only about art and being an artist, but also about how both are connected to the human psyche and why people, artist or not, need art to function in modern times. That, by the way, is also one of the things I appreciate about tribulation: You are artists, not just any death metal band. I don’t want to hang anybody on the fence but especially in metal many musicians claim that they make music for themselves first and foremost. That’s not true! As soon as you go on stage you want to get something back. Even GG Allin! And his gigs were really a confrontational and bad experience for every lover of the fine arts. Playing just for yourself? That's not how it works. You either do it to please or to deliver something. People laugh, cry, clap, scream, whatever... And when they leave, they feel a little bit better. That's entertainment!

Anja Delast/ Metal Hammer

-------------------------------------------------

Please do not share without naming the origin. I have taken a lot of effort with it and unfortunately it is distributed without stating the origin. It's somehow sad...

[stephypublisher1]

Large Coronary Intramural Hematoma Presenting as Acute Coronay Syndrome | Stephy Publishers

SOJ Medical and Clinical Case Reports

- (SOJMCCR) |

Stephy Publishers

Abstract

Isolated spontaneous coronary intramural hematoma is a unique subset of spontaneous coronary artery dissection that is characterized by a hemorrhage limited to the medial– adventitial layers, causing subsequent hematoma formation without visible intimal flaps.

It is infrequent and serious coronary vessel wall pathology, with poorly understood underlying pathogenic mechanisms. Affected individuals may present with a broad spectrum of symptoms ranging from acute coronary syndromes (ACS) to cardiogenic shock or even sudden cardiac death. The disease entity causes challenges in terms of both diagnostics and treatment strategy. We report a case of intramural coronary hematoma in a patient presenting with non ST-‐ segment elevation myocardial infarction.

Keywords

Intramural hematoma, Pathogenic mechanisms, Lumen compromise, Coronary blood, Clopidogrel

Introduction

Spontaneous coronary intramural hematoma is a unique and rare subset of spontaneous coronary artery dissection (SCAD), where a hemorrhage within the vessel wall is thought to be the underlying cause, leading to separation of the mural layers. The hematoma formation is limited to the medial–adventitial layers, and no flaps are visible when assessed with tomographic techniques.1,2 This serious condition usually presents as acute coronary syndrome (ACS), but symptoms may range from chest pain to cardiogenic shock or sudden death,1,2 depending on hematoma location, number of affected vessels, lumen compromise, and restriction of coronary blood flow. It is more frequent in young women, particularly in the peri and post-‐ partum period and with oral contraceptive use, and in young and middle-‐ aged patients without obvious cardiovascular risk factors.3,4 Management strategies may range from conservative medical treatment to percutaneous or surgical interventions depending upon the anatomy, extent of the hematoma and the clinical circumstances.5,6

Case Report

A 64-‐ year old female was admitted due to sudden onset of chest pain. Cardiovascular risk factors included hypertension. The ECG showed inverted T waves in inferior and low lateral leads and Troponin-‐ I was elevated (8,52 ng/ml). The patient was treated with a non-‐ STEMI medical treatment including aspirin, clopidogrel and low-‐ molecular weight heparin. The echocardiogram disclosed normal wall motions and preserved EF. A subacute coronary angiography showed an ectasic right coronary artery, where we detected a large intra mural hematoma starting from mid segment of the RCA. Unfortunately, neather the IVUS or the OCT is available in our hospital. We performed a coronary computed tomography for a more detailed evaluation of the morphological features of the vessel wall. We therefore decided to continue conservative treatment and intensified the medical therapy. She was discharged after one week in a stable clinical condition. A repeat angiogram three months later showed an improvement in the intra muralhematoma (Figures 1–4). To read more #MedicalReports #ClinicalCases https://www.stephypublishers.com/sojmccr/fulltext/SOJMCCR.MS.ID.000501.php

#Openaccessjournals https://www.stephypublishers.com/

[shreejantaicecream-blog]

Enjoy the ectasic elaichi flavour. : #revealyoursoftside#shreejantaicecream #jantaicecream #icecream #candy #scoop #yumminess #treat

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

warnings: mentions and/or descriptions of mental illnesses, domestic violence, drug use/abuse, sex, swearing. i feel i wouldn’t be able to tell saeran’s after story without diving into his mental health, so please refrain to read this if any of those is a sensitive topic for you.

notes: my official Saeran’s After Ending is finally here!. i’ve come to terms i won’t get it this year, so i decided to write it myself. special shout out to @jihyuncompass​ for helping me during my research process in order to do justice to one of my favourite characters! <3

c h a p t e r    l i s t

i. guess i need to trust you when you say you love me

ii. did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?

iii. if i ever hurt you, i learnt it from you

iv. it’s not like me to be so mean you’re all i wanted

v.

vi.

vii.

viii.

ix.

x.

xi.

xii.

xiii.

xiv.

xv. 

taglist: open! just send me a message <3

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

chapter guide  |  buy me a ko-fi?  |  chat with me

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

chapter warnings: (check chapter guide for story warnings) mentions and/or descriptions of mental illnesses.

c h a p t e r   o n e   —   guess i need to trust you when you say you love me

It had been the most hectic months MC had ever gone through.

From the moment she had been taken into a cult, she never thought it could get worse than that. She was proven wrong when just a week later she was in the middle of a war that included said cult, the arrest of their leader, corrupted politics and kidnapping.

At first, she had been glad when the police had captured Rika. After everything she had witnessed during her time at Mint Eye and judging from the way Saeran kept having constant nightmares, even two months after leaving the cult, she wanted nothing but justice to be served. She wanted Rika to put away for good, far away from Saeran and anybody from the RFA. Every time she remembered Saeran’s tears and the scratches she had found on his shoulders and body, she felt her blood boil at the sole mention of the blonde woman. So, when the news broke she had been taken by the police, she was more than ecstatic. Rika had lured hundreds of people, manipulating and drugging them for almost a year and now, she was going to be judged for her actions and would get a punishment according to the law.

That didn’t quite happen. But MC didn’t want to think a lot about it.

She watched Saeran in silence as he put the sheets over their new mattress. Their bed had just been delivered half an hour ago and thanks to the fact both of them had fit their respective belongings inside a small suitcase, moving had been an easy job.

It was supposed to be a good day. Saeyoung was getting out of the hospital soon and they would get to start fresh in a new house, away from the bunker, the hacking, the cult and everything that came with that. But there was something she had to do, even if it broke her heart every time she thought about it.

The last couple of months with Saeran had only proven how foolish she was. She was in love with him, yes, but for a moment, she had dared to dream her love had been enough for him to heal. Her arrogance had played tricks on her, because she couldn’t have been further away from the truth.

Saeran had been fine the first week. He had been collaborating with Jumin in order to rescue Saeyoung, which meant he had to go back and use his hacking abilities to figure out where their father was keeping his brother. MC knew the fact Saeran was still doing hacker work after leaving Mint Eye plus having to deal with his own feelings towards his brother had paid a toll on his sanity. After a few days into the job, he had started having nightmares. MC would wake up in the middle of the night by Saeran tossing on the bed, his cheeks damped with tears and incoherent mumbling that she couldn’t decipher. She would take him into her arms and softly rock him back and forth until the nightmare went away. Once, she had been accidentally hit on the nose while Saeran was in the middle of a vivid nightmare. Her high-pitched scream had woken him up, only to start crying again once he realized he had hurt her.

After that, Saeran’s downfall had been more noticeable. In their leisure time, Saeran needed MC to give him a task to do, or else he would just sit and wait to be instructed. It made sense. He had always been told what to do, and MC thought old habits die hard. Saeran’s protectiviness had perdured after Saeyoung had been rescued, to the point she could notice his ragged breathing when he called her. He always said he just wanted to check if she was okay, and while she wanted to understand his constant alertness, she knew going to the mall for half an hour wasn’t a good sign.

It had been good Saeran had agreed to see a therapist, even if MC thought he would have agreed to anything she proposed. They tried out different psychologists, taking a joint session as a trial, but MC could tell Saeran was far from comfortable with any of them. Thankfully, Saeran had ended up resonating with the fourth psychologist they had seen. She was a young woman in her thirties with short hair, her style and way of speaking similar to Jaehee. But the kindness in her eyes and validation of their main concerns (such as questions regarding the type of therapy and Saeran’s reluctance to take psychiatric medication) made them decide for her. They had scheduled for a first session two weeks later and while it was a reassurance to MC things were going to get better, it also reminded her of the conversation she had to have with Saeran..

MC looked down at her phone and searched for V’s number. She knew he wouldn’t respond, but she sent a message just like she had done since the last time they had seen each other.

‘Saeran and I finally finished moving. Hope you’re doing better xx”

Her eyes darted back to the figure of Saeran, who was now looking at her from his sitting position on the bed. She put her phone away and sat next to him, pressing a kiss against his cheek and then taking his hand.

She had to do it. She had to do it now, before he realized she had left her suitcase in the living room and not in their bedroom.

“We are moving to our new house tomorrow,” MC started, stroking Saeran’s hand with her thumb. He nodded and gave her a soft smile.

“I know.”

“Will you be okay living with Saeyoung?” The smile on the young man disappeared. He pursed his lips and shrugged.

“I guess. I mean, I… I do understand everything that happened. I know he’s not… a bad person now,” he said, an uneasy expression on his face. “And we’ve talked a lot while he was at the hospital. So I guess it’s okay.”

MC nodded. “You’re also starting therapy next week,” she reminded him.

“Yeah, I know,” Saeran said, looking down at their joint hands. A couple of seconds later, he scrunched his eyebrows. “Is there something going on?” he asked, squinting his eyes at her.

This was it. She needed to tell him now, whether she liked it or not. Even if she didn’t want to, she knew it would be the best for the person she loved and therefore, it would be the best for her as well.

MC took a deep breath and stood up. She turned around, facing Saeran and sunk to her knees, grabbing both his hands in hers, her pleading eyes filled with worry.

“I don’t think a relationship is the best thing for you right now,” she said, her voice slow and careful, trying to gauge any reaction from Saeran. As expected, his mouth opened slightly, panic rising to his eyes.

“You don’t want to be with me?”

“I do! I want to,” she assured him, squeezing his hands. “Saeran, I want to be with you because I love you. There’s nothing in this world I want more than that. But I… I think you need some space to heal. You need to heal without the pressure of having a relationship with me,” she explained, but it only seemed to make Saeran’s eyebrows knit together even more.

“Being with you is no pressure,” he quickly said. MC gave him a sad smile.

“But it will be, eventually. I’ll… get mad at you for forgetting a date or ask you to watch a movie you hate with me or--”

“I’d watch anything you wanted me to,” he interrupted her.

“I know, baby. I know,” MC nodded, placing a kiss on the top of his right hand. “That’s why we can’t be together right now. I don’t want you to adore me or feel you have to do anything I want. I want you to fight for yourself. I want you to be able to say no to me.”

Saeran hastily took away his hands and stood up, walking to the center of the bedroom. MC sighed, and lowered her head, trying to find the perfect words to make the man she loved understand why she had taken that decision. She stood up and walked to him again, even though the way his breathing was shallow and quick let her know he was having a hard time.

“This is nonsense,” he whispered, passing both his hands across his hair.

“It’s not. This is best for you.”

“The best for me is you leaving?” Saeran asked, turning his head at her. MC quickly shook her head.

“I’m not leaving. There’s no fucking way I’m leaving. I’ll stay here with you, I’ll be by your side just like I’ve been these past few months. But… I’d probably move to another room, so you can have privacy too.”

Saeran looked at her in silence, trying to work her words in his head. He paced around the bedroom in quick steps, his eyes glued to the floor and his hands constantly messing with his hair.

The next time he looked at her, his eyes were full of tears.

“D-did I do something bad?” he stuttered. “I-- I’ve neer been anyone’s anything and-- I’m sorry. I wanted to give you only the best but I--”

“No, no, no,” MC interrupted him, walking towards him and holding his face in her hands. “Baby, no. You are perfect. You are kind and sweet and I love you more than you could ever imagine. I love you so, so, so much,” she breathed, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you. That’s why I want you to focus on yourself for a moment. I don’t want this relationship to be extra weight for you. You’re starting therapy soon and that is something you need to do by yourself. And it will help you so much. Trust me, I would know.”

“You went to therapy?” he asked, his hands softly finding their way around her waist.

“A few years ago, yes,” she whispered, putting some strands of his hair behind his ear.

“Did something happen?”

“You don’t need to burden yourself with that at this moment,” she assured him. “I promise I’ll tell you about it in the future. We have our whole lives for that,” she said, evoking a small smile from him. “Now, you should be your top priority.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Saeran breathed out, his hands clasping on the fabric on her blouse.

“I know. That’s exactly why you need to try. I’ll be just in the next bedroom whenever you may need me, at any time. I won’t leave you, I would never do that.”

Saeran nodded and pulled her closed, her arms circling his neck while he rested his face on her shoulder, his arms tightly secured around her waist. They stayed a moment in silence, basking in the sound of the other’s breathing and their now familiar scent.

“I still don’t like this,” Saeran mumbled against her skin. MC chuckled.

“Neither do I, if I’m being honest,” she admitted. “But it’s for the best.”

“How long will you…?” he asked, pulling away and searching her eyes. MC sighed.

“I don’t know. Everybody has their own pace in therapy.”

“That lady, the doctor, she said it could be years. You’re asking me to wait for years?” Saeran insisted, a trace of fear present in his features once more.

“Oh, uh… I actually hadn’t thought about that,” she confessed. “We could… set a date? Like, to sit down and see if we can start dating again?”

“You sound like Jumin,” Saeran said, rolling his eyes. MC couldn’t suppress her laugh, letting her head fall on his shoulder.

“Oh God, don’t say that!”

MCe pulled away after a few moments, a ghost of her laughter still present in her lips. She looked into Saeran’s teal eyes and took a deep breath.

“Okay, how about…” she started.

“A year?”  “One month?”

Both of them looked at each other, dumbfounded.

“One month!?” “One year!?”

“Okay, okay, neither of them are going to work,” MC said, rubbing Saeran’s shoulders in a soothing motion. “It’s okay. Then, how about six months from now? You, me, happy hour at that ice cream store downtown you like,” she offered. Saeran let out a long sigh and closed his eyes. She felt his arms tensing and could only imagine the turmoil occurring inside his head.

“Fine, six months,” he mumbled bitterly after a long pause. He took another look at her and rubbed the small of her back with his thumb. “I… I miss you. Even if you’re here. Is that weird?”

“It’s not,” MC chuckled. She pressed a kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to take a shower, okay? We can talk about dinner later,” she smiled, before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

Saeran watched her in silence until her figure disappeared through the door. He tried to go over their conversation in his head one more time, but it only made his head start hurting. He walked to one of the boxes and took out his painkillers, swallowing one pill without any water.

Saeran sat on the bed, elbows on his thighs and his head resting on his palms. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t get rid of the intrusive thoughts in his mind, one after another, plummeting against the little hope he had that MC was actually telling him the truth.

She's getting bored.

She's running away.

She just doesn't want you to know.

She's sliding away.

She’s getting bored.

She’s better than you.

She’s tired of you.

She's met someone else

She’s leaving.

She’s leaving.

She’s leaving.

taglist: message me if you want to be added!

previous chapter  |  next chapter

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

chapter guide  |  chat with me

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

chapter warnings: [check chapter guide for story warnings] mentions and/or descriptions of mental illnesses, mentions of past torture.

c h a p t e r   t w o   —   did you ever let your lover see the stranger in yourself?

Aereum looked up when she heard the door knocking. It was her secretary's way of telling her the next appointment was ready for her. Her eyes darted back at the notes she had written down after her first meeting with her new patients and his girlfriend. She had heard about cults before and had read all she could in that time about cult survivors to be as ready as she could to help him out to the best of her abilities. Even though she knew it wasn’t enough. Every survivor had their own story and she had to try her best to guide Saeran to find his own peace. She hoped he would be willing to walk that path with her.

She closed up her notebook and walked to the door, straightening her back before welcoming Saeran in. He looked up at her and after a small nod, entered her office, sitting down on a small sofa. Aereum closed the door behind her and took her place on the armchair in front of the sofa and took a deep breath.

“Thank you for coming here, Saeran. I know it’s hard to start therapy, but I’m happy you are taking the first step,” she said. Saeran nodded, still an uneasy look on his face. It was okay, Aereum was used to it. “So, how was moving day? The last time we talked you and your girlfriend mentioned you were moving into a new house. Do you like it?”

“She moved out,” he muttered. Areum blinked, confused.

“Min-jung moved out?”

Saeran smiled bitterly after hearing her full name. He figured the therapist had her information due to MC calling to set up the first appointment.

“Yeah. Well-- out of our bedroom. She said I need to be alone during… this,” he gestured, looking around the room, “and that she wants to give me some space and then we’ll get back together. She said she didn’t want to bother me, which isn’t the case, but…,” he shrugged.

“I see. What do you think about her decision?”

“I think she’s wrong,” Saeran replied, his eyebrows furrowing. “I… I need her. I don’t see why I can’t continue coming here while also being together with her.”

“Did you tell her how you felt?”

“Yes? Told her it wasn’t necessary. She insisted and I just… it’s not like I had an option,” he muttered, looking down at his hands.

“What do you think would happen if you had refused her request?”

“I don’t know? I just didn’t want to do anything that would make her angry with me. I don’t want to lose her and if she wants something, I’m going to try and give it to her.”

“How does Min-jung act when she’s upset or angry?”

Saeran furrowed his eyebrows and,

“I just think she knows more than I do. I don’t… I’m really lost. I don’t know how most things work and I just-- I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want her to be angry with me, ever. And I love her,” he said, letting out a shaky breath. “So if she wants something…” he shrugged.

Aereum paused for a moment and nodded softly.

“What is love for you, Saeran?”

He shot his head up. “Huh?”

“What do you think love is? Don’t think about Min-jung for a second. In general terms, what do you think love is?”

Saeran’s eyes looked around the room, his face tensed up in concentration. Aereum waited for him patently, and she could almost listen to the turmoil happening inside his head.

“When you love someone, you never leave,” Saeran muttered after a while. “And she stayed… through it all. Through the whole cult ordeal, when I had to face my brother after so many years… she stayed through it all. She takes my hand and guides me outside whenever I get overwhelmed. She never wavers, she’s… a secure port, I guess,” he made a pause. “Is that bad?”

Aereum shook her head. “There isn’t a universal definition of love, so no one is really wrong. But I do have one question, Saeran. What would it take for someone to walk away from their partner?”

“Why do you ask me that?”

“We all must have our boundaries, Saeran. And it’s important you recognize yours. You’re not supposed to figure them out today, but it would be a good idea to give them a thought,” Aereum said. Saeran blinked twice, confused but gave her a tiny nod. “I’m glad you feel Min-jung is a safe space for you. And, if she never leaves, don’t you think that will happen this time as well?” she asked, with a soft smile. “Even if she’s staying in the other bedroom, she is still by your side. I know you need her right now and it’s really understandable. Anyone would feel sad to be apart from someone they love.”

“Yeah,” Saeran mumbled.

“She was the one to set our first appointment, right?” Aereum asked. He nodded. “Why do you think she wanted you to start therapy?”

“Because of everything that happened. With… the cult,” he said in a low voice, his eyes fixed on his hands.

“Do you want to talk about what happened in the cult?”

Aereum gave Saeran some space to think it through, but after noticing his furrowed eyebrows and the intense way he kept rubbing his hands with each other, she knew he wasn’t ready yet.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it now,” Aereum assured him. “But I would like to know how you have been feeling since you left.”

“I… I’m really tired, all the time,” Saeran shrugged. “I can fall asleep but it feels like I wake up one second later, even if it’s been six hours of more. That or I have dreams.”

“What kind of dreams?”

“Of… what happened back there, or… my mother. And that’s not-- She’s dead. I don’t want to talk about her,” he quickly said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“It’s okay, Saeran. We don’t have to,” she said. Aereum straightened her back and took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do. How about we see each other two times a week? And next week, my colleague is going to have short sessions with you as well,” Saeran looked at her, his lips turning into a tense line. “I know it’s hard opening up to someone. I’m glad we could talk today. But my colleague is only going to prescribe you some medication, mainly to help you out with your sleeping problems and to cope with everything else. He will only ask you about your physical or mental symptoms, so it’s not like you have to open up again about topics you aren’t comfortable with. Would that be okay with you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Saeran nodded. “Yes.”

“Great,” she smiled. “I’ll be seeing you on Thursday then.”

Saeran nodded and stood up. After a small bow, he disappeared through the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Before any of them escaped her mind, Aereum took her journal and started scribbling down her notes from her first session with Saeran.

It was going to be a long journey. And a part of her wished Min-jung really stayed for it all.

----------

It was weird to see Saeyoung with a leg cast. But the fact MC was sitting down on the sofa with his very enthusiastic brother’s injured leg on her lap while doodling cats on his cast, somehow made up for it. Saeyoung was always so strong that it never crossed Saeran’s mind he could break as well. But if he had learnt anything from his last hospital visits, it was that he certainly could.

Not only his leg had been broken in three different places, but the Prime Minister’s thugs had also shattered his cheekbone, broken his left arm and fractured his skull. Saeyoung had been bleeding internally when they finally found him, and to that day Saeran still remembered Jumin’s usually stoic face turning into horror when he learnt about his friend’s injuries. After weeks of frantic search for Saeyoung, he had been located and Jumin had communicated with the Prime Minister with a proposition: no information about his illegal antics would be released if he let Saeyoung go. He would make sure Saeyoung’s hospital records didn’t mention how he got that injury and that both him and Saeran would avoid the press at all costs. After half an hour of intense arguing and pressure from the CEO in line, the Prime Minister had finally obliged. Not even two minutes later, an ambulance arrived to take Saeyoung to one of C&R’s private clinics.

If MC hadn’t been by his side the first time he saw Saeyoung, he didn’t know how he would have reacted. He only stood awkwardly next to the hospital bed, seeing his brother cry in desperation as he couldn’t get up and hug him due to his injuries. MC had tried calming Saeyoung down, to prevent him from hyperventilating, but it wasn’t until Saeran grabbed him by the wrist of his healthy arm that Saeyoung finally stopped and started crying silently, mumbling countless apologies to Saeran.

They had spent the next few days listening to Saeyoung explaining everything that happened, with some more information that MC provided about what V had told her. It all made sense-- a little too much if anyone asked him. Saeran’s life had taken an one-hundred and eighty degree turn in the past few months, so it was difficult to learn that both V and Saeyoung had no idea where he was, and that they only learnt the truth once he got to meet MC. She held Saeran’s hand as he listened to Saeyoung explain, rubbing it in soothing motions. Every time they said their goodbyes to leave for the day, MC bought two cups of tea from the vending machine and walked with Saeran to the hospital garden. They would sit in silence and observe the artificial lake, finding comfort in watching the small fish swim by. Once Saeran squeezed MC’s hand, they would leave the hospital and go back to the apartment Jumin had temporarily set from them both.

Both Saeyoung and MC looked up and greeted him warmly when he got home after his therapist session. MC stopped scribbling on Saeyoung’s cast and smiled brightly at him.

“Hi, glad you’re back! I’ve been drawing small cats,” she chuckled, showing him the small drawings.

“One of them even looks like Elly!” Saeyoung chimed in with a laugh.

“I did some grocery shopping while you went away and bought your favourite ice cream? Do you want some?” MC offered.

“No,” Saeran answered, walking past them to the kitchen. Her smile faded a little, Saeyoung catching up to it quickly. He put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head softly, trying to dismiss the reaction of his brother. MC knew he wasn’t probably in the best mood after his first session, so she had hoped buying something he liked would cheer him up, at least a little.

But as she saw Saeran emerge from the kitchen and then walk to his bedroom without taking a second look at her, she knew it wouldn’t be the case.

taglist: @nad-zeta @unknownparadise​ @darkfaerry @sunshinejihyun​ [tag list is still open, message me to add you!]

previous chapter | next chapter

[cafedanslanuit]

✦ • ° *.  — Ｓａｅｒａｎ＇ｓ　Ａｆｔｅｒ　Ｅｎｄｉｎｇ —  . * ° • ✦

chapter guide  |  chat with me  |  maybe a coffee?

summary: Saeran has finally found MC and is ectasic to finally be able to enjoy the good ending his tumultous life has reached. But with Saeyoung still missing and Mint Eye around, his happiness may have to wait a little more. Was love really capable to win against his inner demons or will he have to learn to fight for himself?

chapter warnings: [check chapter guide for story warnings] mentions and/or descriptions of mentions of past torture, domestic/parental abuse.

c h a p t e r   t h r e e   —   si alguna vez te hice daño, lo aprendí de ti [ if i ever hurt you, i learnt it from you ]

The incessant ringing of her phone startled MC, waking her up. She looked over at the clock and saw it was 5:40 a.m. What could have happened? Immediately, she tried to look for Saeran on the other side of the bed, only to find it empty. She sat up agitated, but as she was getting off the bed, she remembered she had moved to the spare bedroom. Right. They were taking some time apart. It was impossible not to pout at the empty space on the bed.

It was all temporary, she reminded herself. This was just for his own good.

MC exhaled sadly and picked up the call.

“Morning, Jaehee. How are--”

“MC. It’s about the Prime Minister.”

Her whole body tensed at the mention of the man. No. Not again. She knew there was nothing she could do to protect her new family, but she would fight bare handed if it was needed. That man would never get close to Saeran or Saeyoung ever again.

“I thought he took Jumin’s offer. I thought he was staying silent,” MC whispered worriedly against your phone.

“MC, please let me speak,” Jaehee asked. She muttered an apology. “Right now they’re showing news coverage about him now on Channel 5, if you want to see. But I’m calling to let you know he’s dead.”

Jaehee heard MC gasp on the other side of the line.

“I think you are the most suitable person to let Saeyoung and Saeran know about this. Thank you for your cooperation and apologies for the early call. I wish I could stay and talk but… things are kind of hectic here.”

Of course. Jumin had orchestrated the plan to expose the Prime Minister for all the things he had done without mentioning the twins. It had been those news plus Jumin’s negotiation skills that had set Saeyoung free in the first place, but now that the Prime Minister was dead, Jumin was a murder suspect. MC made a mental note to call him later and hung up the phone.

Not even five seconds after throwing her phone on the bed, she heard a knock on her door. She opened it and found Saeran on the other side, the bags under his eyes making her heart clench in worry.

“You should see this,” he just said, before turning on his heel and walking to the living room. MC followed him and found Saeyoung, biting his nails. Saeran took a seat next to him and she imitated him, her eyes darting to the TV screen.

“The Prime Minister was found dead in his house last night. There are no signs of forced entry, so the police’s theory is that whoever killed him was someone from his inner circle. There are two bullet entries in his forehead, but the neighbours deny hearing any strange noise, so the perpetrator may have used a muffler. This makes us remember the event that happened two months ago, where corporate businessman Jumin Han, executive director of C&R and the son of the CEO of the same company. C&R used their resources under Mr. Han’s responsibility to expose the Prime Minister’s numerous infractions against the law. Right now, the police have arrived at C&R facilities and are about to conduct an investigation.”

You saw C&R’s entrance in the news, where a lot of reporters were surrounding Jaehee, who was trying to answer all their questions.

“Mr. Han will fully cooperate with the police and his innocence will be proven. There are no further comments from C&R, other than to express our apologies to the Prime Minister’s family for their loss,” Jaehee said, and then was helped out by the company’s security back in the building.

“Since the exposé of the Prime Minister’s felonies also included several other organisms and people, we can’t rule out an ex partner planning the attack. The Prime Minister’s funeral will be held tonight at 7 p.m. at--”

Saeyoung turned off the TV and let out a tired sigh. Saeran took the remote and turned it back on.

“They are not going to say anything else,” Saeyoung warned him.

“I want to know where the funeral is going to be,” he said, rewinding and trying to catch the full address. Both Saeyoung and MC furrowed their eyebrows, but he spoke first.

“Why?”

“Because I have to go,” he replied plainly.

Saeyoung exchanged a look with MC, urging her to talk.

“Saeran, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she said softly, but Saeran didn’t look away from the TV.

“I want to see if he’s really dead.”

MC swallowed. She put a hand on Saeran’s knee trying to comfort him, and he jumped at the contact. Once he realized it was her, he calmed down and took his phone and put the address on the Maps app, trying to find out how far it was.

“Saeran, I can’t drive you,” Saeyoung reminded him, patting the cast on his leg. Saeran’s teal eyes looked at his brother’s cast and then back to his phone.

“I’ll call a taxi.”

“I’ll drive you,” you immediately offered. “I don’t… I still don’t think it’s a good idea. But if you want to, I’ll drive you.”

For the first time, Saeran looked back at you and showed you the smallest smile. He mouthed a thank you and you squeezed his knee.

“Fine,” Saeyoung sighed, standing from the sofa with a groan. “Then we’re all going. Family trip!” he joked, even if you could notice the strain in his smile.

“You don’t need to come,” Saeran said.

“I know. But I’m not letting you do this alone,” his brother shrugged, grabbing his crutches and heading to the kitchen.

-----

The grey clouds covered the sky, as if God himself was mourning the loss of the leader of the nation. Saeran wondered if someone was really sad about his death. He knew the Prime Minister had remarried, so maybe his close family could be sad. He couldn’t help but think if his father was ever cruel to his other family as well. For a lot of years he had blamed his father for his mother’s downfall, thinking that if he wasn’t so adamant in hiding his sons, then maybe his mother wouldn’t have been so cruel to him. Now, not only his crimes were abandoning them and then trying to cover up his ‘mistakes’, he had also kidnapped his brother and tortured him for his own benefit. Saeran took a look at MC, who was behind the wheel and then at Saeyoung, who was in the passenger’s seat since he needed more space for his leg cast.

He wondered if Saeyoung felt the same way he did.

The funeral was open to the public, so it was easy to go unnoticed. MC parked near the cemetery, showing her worried expression through the rearview mirror.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, fixing Saeyoung’s hoodie to cover his hair. Saeran hummed, but didn’t miss the way her eyebrows knitted together even further.

“I’m worried someone might recognize you two.”

“Don’t worry, MC. We won’t get too close,” Saeyoung reassured her. Saeran got out of the car and handed the crutches to his brother. In a few minutes, MC saw them get away and enter the cemetery together.

As promised, they didn’t join the crowd. Saeran watched as a middle aged woman and three teenagers approached the casket, tears in their eyes as they said their final goodbyes. He wondered if they had covered enough the bullet wound on his head the news reporter talked about. They had probably done that, he told himself, even if there was a part of him that was itching to go there and remove the bandage himself. He saw the woman put her arm around her three children and comforting them, her fingers stroking the smallest one’s hair as he cried.

Saeran’s own hand went to put a strand of his hair behind her ear, memories of all those nights MC would stay up with him after a nightmare, his head on her chest as she played with his hair until he fell asleep again. He missed her. He saw he everyday and everyday she would try to talk with him but he always avoided her. He hated himself for it. And, in the same wavelength, he also hated her a little. She had told him over and over they would get back together again, but who could assure him that would be the case? She could easily staart noticing how easier her life was without being in a relationship wih him. And she would be right. Why did he ever think he deserved her?

Saeran’s head started hurting.

He winced and looked again at the funeral. As they were lowering the casket under the ground, he heard a long sigh from his twin.

“He’s dead,” Saeyoung said. Saeran didn’t look back, his eyes fixed on the casket as it disappeared. “He’s finally gone.”

“He ruined our life. He ruined mom’s life,” Saeran murmured. Saeyoung turned his head to his twin, taken aback.

“She ruined our life, Saeran. She was the one who wouldn’t buy us food or would lock you up. You remember, right?” he asked.

“I do. She did all of that because he broke her. Maybe if he didn’t, she would--”

“But she didn’t,” Saeyoung reminded him. “She wouldn’t let us go to school. She wouldn’t let you go outside the house, she didn’t care if we were eating or not.”

“But she didn’t leave!” Saeran snarled at him. His twin walked with the help of his crutches in front of him, blocking his view to the funeral.

“Saeran. I know I shouldn’t have left you. I know-- I already explained all this. But you don’t have to pretend. Not with me. I know what she did. I was there with you, I know what she was capable of doing--”

“She stayed with me. If I didn’t have her, I don’t know what--”

“She chained your ankle so you couldn’t walk away!” Saeyoung screamed, shaking Saeran’s shoulder with one hand. “You were sick, you were hungry and tied to a table!” he insisted, while tears started falling. Saeran looked back at him, his lips a thin line as he watched his twin lose it. “You don’t know how many times I wished he found me,” he said, pointing at the funeral. “So I could finally end the nightmare. But I was so afraid to leave you with her, I didn’t want to leave you, I--” he choked and bit his lip, wiping the tears from his face. “I thought V and Rika would take care of you. They promised, they told me they would.”

“I know,” Saeran muttered.

“You don’t,” Saeyoung sniffled. “I’m never going to forgive myself for trusting them. I should have known better. So don’t talk like that woman didn’t make our childhood a nightmare. She stayed with you, with us, but… at what cost?” he asked, a sad smile on his face. “Don’t lie and say you don’t get nightmares about her. Because I do.”

Saeran bit his tongue, watching his brother’s golden eyes glisten as the sun set behind him. Had Saeyoung somehow noticed his nightmares? No. He hadn’t had night terrors since Saeyoung returned from the hospital, only the occasional nightmare that would jolt him awake. And that made no sound.

“Who do you think you’re fooling when you go to the kitchen to drink water at 3 am?” Saeyoung asked with a small shrug. “I won’t tell her,” he assured his brother, his eyes darting to the cemetery’s parking lot. “But you need to understand this, Saeran. Sure, our father abandoned us. And he broke my leg. But mom was… not a mother. Or at least I don’t want to think of her as one.”

He turned his back again and looked at the funeral. The casket was underground, and a priest was talking to the attendees. Saeran never knew he was religious. The only idea of religion now brought a sour taste to his mouth, which he tried to ignore as he watched the Prime Minister’s youngest son crawl on her mother’s lap and resting his head on her shoulder.

“Orphan fist bump?” Saeyoung offered, with a sad smile. Saeran huffed, but under his brother’s hopeful gaze, he offered his fist and he rolled his eyes.

previous chapter | next chapter

[shreejantaicecream-blog]

Enjoy the ectasic elaichi flavour.#revealyoursoftside #shreejantaicecream #jantaicecream #icecream #candy #scoop #yumminess #treat