#edit: god perky what was going on with ur hair

[itty-bitty-sunshine]

Introducing: Immortal Au

(With doodles because i can't for dear life work on the written explanation for it yet)

Aka: The daycare assistant seems to have a bit more of experience on things than they let on, though there's a lot of rumors about them from the Staff. Huh, wonder why's that

(Update: Changed the title from "my immortal" to just "immortal" because people were suffering mkdheiwhwi)

[leseiichirosanoworks-blog]

Hide Away -Chapter 2- Introduction to each other.

Hoho, new chapter. 

Call it introductory chapter 2.0 because here they two get to know each other a bit and meh, you’ll find out.

The first part of this update will be dealing with some ‘dark’ thoughts, well, brooding to be precise so if you don’t like that then just skip to the next break. But it is somewhat important maybe in the later stuff I write so go with whatever you’re comfortable with.

I’ll burst your bubble right here and do I don’t really have much to write after this except a few excerpts based on the series. 

As usual, you can comment and talk to me here, on my twitter or my facebook 

Read below!

Ever feel like you're contradicting yourself?

When you feel like hiding away from everything, but still want to go out and experience things. You want to just be surrounded by the four walls of your room but also want to hang out with your friends. Two contradictions rise within me, and it's causing a painful mental battle that's taxing.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with my friends. They're good people who share a common interest with me, and they don't care that I don't know how to act in certain situations. They don't care that I can't find the words that I want to say and either vehemently go about stomping my feet or replace a number of words with a swearword and their many variations. Or a variety of sounds. Or nothing at all.

My friends are the kindest people I've known. Why would I want to hide from them? 

Hiding in my room with the lights off, the only thing illuminating the room is the light from my cracked phone. Of which I'm currently reading a long, 700 page fanfiction about Kingsman characters while Coldplay and My Chemical Romance blasting through my earphones.

It's both calming and daunting at the same time.

A single, stupid tear falls, tracking the round shape of my cheeks, dripping onto my hugging pillow. The one from Ikea, the one with repeated cat faces staring at you. It should actually be washed, too many times has it been an added buffer from reality and my current state. It shouldn't smell like a mixture of body spray and sweat, it should smell like whatever tears are supposed to smell like from the number of times I’ve cried on it. 

It'll pass. It should. 

I was ready to wring both the management's and tutor's metaphorical necks. Why did do we have an 8 am replacement class on the ONE day we don't have classes at 8 am. It's infuriating, to have my sleep robbed from me like this. What have I done to deserve this, other than sinning every time I turn my laptop on? Or that one time we kinkshamed SEH on snapchat. And I said we because the whole gang was involved, not only me.

The water was cold, but it was needed. After yesterday's sudden isolation case, it was like a barrier, a divider from then and now. Hopefully. I'm tired of being alone. Sniffles and sneezes aside, my phone lit up with notifications from our common text group.

UsaUsa_Tavşan: Yo Lorcan, ur boytoy’s here. [07:45]

Bdsm_Novice: He literally a cupcake. [07:47]

Bdsm_Novice attached a photo 

SinningFudanshi: A. Not my boytoy. B. Please tell me you took this picture at a distance. I don't think he'll appreciate this super flattering picture you sent to us. [07:47]

                        Bdsm_Novice: Try. Me [07:48] .

Bdsm_Novice attached a photo

UsaUsa_Tavşan: HOW IS HE DOING THAT. WHAT IS HE, A FAIRY AMONG MORTALS??? [07:50]

UsaUsa_Tavşan: No one should look this cute at 7:50 am. AM.[07:50]

SinningFudanshi: STOP TAKING PICTURES OF HIM SPANK LOVER.[07:51]

UsaUsa_Tavşan: Thb dude, you hooked something good this time. [07:52]

Shooting out of the room, I hoped that I could get there soon enough before our chat could be filled with pictures of Sitka and his somehow potential model shots. Well, it's either SEH has a good eye for angles and rule of third and some kind of random shit or Sitka's sold his soul to the cupcake gods to look that cute in every shot. I mean, how does he..he...my brain's dead and my soul is gone so I can't explain how cute he looked in those pictures.

Luckily for Sitka, I arrived in a record breaking 8 minutes, gave SEH the stink eye while snatching his phone and quietly sat down for the rest of the tutorial, in which we were required to split from our groups (this tutor took the time to notice which groups we were already in, so we couldn't fib) and join another. Of course, I took the chance to go to Stika. 

After much, much prodding,with both Tavşan and SEH threatening to tell him discreetly that I liked my men in short shorts and keyhole sweaters if I didn't get my ass to him. 

The thing is, Tavşan and SEH are NEVER discreet.

The last time they got away with this was in our foundation year. SEH maybe an introverted and  human interaction hating but trust me, they have their moments. And unfortunately that moment somehow included whipped cream and a limited edition dakimakura and...NOPE. Banished that moment. It's gone.

It's not like I didn't want to separate, it's just...didn't want to be a bother. Well, not that I am, rationally, but last night took it's toll on me. I did realise that I'm more subdued than usual and to my friends, that's okay, they don't bring it up. Or maybe they don't...know? It's not like you mention it to them anyways. Shut it, nasty ass. 

“How are we gonna go this?” Sitka's voice ricochets through my messy head space.

Oh yeah, the tutorial. Get your head in the game, buddy boy.

I glanced at the whiteboard, the words 'Be ye who seeks the truth' were written on it. Great, my favourite. What was the objective of this course again? “ Well, I'm not sure. You want to go through what you're comfortable sharing?” I asked him, taking in his features. Light gray irises, slightly glittering if there was a better word, were staring back at me. His hair, in it's usual pastel pink, three cowlick glory, had an Aloan Meowth hairpin in it, clipping his bangs back a little more that usual.

“ Just so you know I don't have a filter so you can probably ask me anything and I'll be fine with it. As long as it's in reasonable areas.” I say, smiling a little because he's probably tense. Hell, I'm tense. It's way to early to be opening up your heart and soul for a tutorial with a stranger because your lecturer wanted you to do so.

Sitka smiles a little back, saying “ Same”, and then proceeds to write in his notebook.

The Johari Window exercise involves four boxes, in which you fill in things about yourself based on the criteria given. And the outcome of this particular exercise is to be as raw and open as you can...because...that apparently helps? So in the first box, you write about what you think most people know about you. The following goes deeper and deeper, until the last box in which are things that no one may know. Not even you.

Is the lecturer planning to groom our inner gossip writer because this seems like the best collection of juicy data they can get their hands on.

“ Okay, so I am a nerd and enjoy being one very much” I began.

“ Obviously, I could tell when you wrapped that Dalek towel around you” he said, eyes twinkling with mirth, but suddenly turned solemn “ I'm sor--”

“ Dude, say sorry again and I'll assault you with bad fanfics and we'll both have nightmares”

I continued, stating that I have no filter and it never occurred to me that certain topics are out of bounds in certain areas.For example, I told him about the time where I waxed lyrical about this one person's perfectly shaped bara body. Of course, me being me, forgot that we were in a Toys “R” Us. Children could have been listening to weird teenagers  talk about perky butts and perfectly shaped pectorals and little chub. Perfectly adorable little chub.

Stika couldn’t stop giggling and if that wasn't the purest, most moe sound I have had the delight to hear in my lifetime then I don't know what that is.

 I could feel my friends stare at us in a distance, burning a hole into my head from the intensity. Wiping his eyes, he began his part of the particular Johari windowpane “ Okay, okay. I'm a pastel goth with two insanely beautiful friends and I like cooking. You can have some of the bisconti I made “ he took out his lunch box, which was mint and had this really cute succulents on it, taking off the top to reveal pale golden sticks of said snack.

“ I don't think I've done anything like that body worship story. But I bet everyone who's been in the same row as me in the theaters probably know I sweat bullets during horror movies and will hide in either Thea or  Irwin's hair” he scratches his cheek timidly.

 He told me that Thea and Irwin nurtured him into a nerd and they regularly host Dr. Who nights at their apartment. His favourite is the Eleventh doctor, because he's so quirky, and to quote “ His smile can send me straight on the path of a Dalek's photon blaster and I'd still be happy”. They apparently have a set of the first few Dr. Who series, which I may or may not have begged him to lend me.

Venturing into the somewhat darker realms of the other boxes, the mood changed slightly, probably due to the topics that are supposed to be discussed between us. The second box in the Johari Window would need us to point out things that you knew about your friend, that they didn't. And then it hit me. This is the first real conversation that we've had. And I didn't even know his cupcake highness even existed a few weeks ago. And here I am talking to him with a guideline for the exercise that usually good friends should be doing with each other. To learn more about each other. Yep, I have to thank my lecturer for setting this up and my good friends Tavşan and SEH for prodding me to go.

Haha, my brain's going to flat line or something, I'm so comfortable with him.

“ Well...I've only noticed you for a while---No wait that was horrible” Sitka snorts and I continue “ I mean that I'm not the most aware of people. I only noticed Tavşan cut her hair once 2 days after she did” to which he lets out a soft sound of unrecognisable emotion “ So...I'm not sure”

“ I know you had a..I'm not sure how to put this” he says, and I probably saw him falter a bit before looking me in the eye “ A sad day. You had a bad, sad day yesterday”  and I'm gobsmacked.

“ H-How?” I hate it when I say I'm comfortable with someone and BLAM, out of no where there's this kind of shoujo manga plot reveal of sorts. He pauses for a while and it makes me squirm just  a little bit, because seriously, how did this kid find out. Was it that obvious?

“ Your eyes, they're sort of dimmer usual when you came in today” he said, suddenly deflating and not daring to look me into the eyes, instead he focuses on glaring a hole into my shoulder or neck “ and like, I saw you brighten up a lot when you suddenly swooped in and took SEH's phone. And dampen again when we had to split into different groups”

“ Woah Sitka, that doesn't sound stalker-ish at all. Tavşan warned me about you, said you were going to kill me in two weeks” I say, trying to play it cool whilst I'm freaking just a little bit inside. “  But you probably heard that and decided to extend your surveillance period” Haha, I’m completely freaking out why I do sound so calm. 

“ I hope that that doesn't freak you out. I mean, you kinda carry your heart on a sleeve so....” he starts, still not daring to make eye contact but his eyes moved to my arm or lower, I can somehow magically feel it heating up with the attention it's currently being given. Did I mention that all four of our friends were trying very hard to make it seem like they weren't starting at us?

“ I think the only way you could totally freak me out is if you knew what are the songs in the playlist that I currently have. Come on, I dare you” He shouldn't be able to know, right? 

“ Coldplay, Yuri on Ice and probably a truckload of My Chemical Romance”

Consider me fucked “ I'm out! I am out, you're a cupcake assassin out for my blood!” I threw my hands up in mock surrender, to which he giggled again and whoop, there goes my brain. Short circuiting from the amount of moe that leaks from this dude. It's practically illegal. Bouncing from being scared shitless and then practically fluttering is probably not good for my heart either.

The mood changed again, as we coughed and ate bisconti awkwardly, entered the third part of this exercise. Which according to the hard to read side notes on our printouts, was the side that you hide from your friends. Something that you probably only rarely show at times. 

I actually didn't have much to hide or anything from my friends. What you see is what you get. Most of the times. “ I'm not sure if this answers the question but I'm generally pretty chill with my friends and how I act around my friends is usually the true image of myself?” Sitka nods, thank gods he gets where I'm getting with this.

 “ But also maybe because they see me as a happy person most of the time, I don't feel like I should show that I get sad a lot? Those sad and anxious moments are usually between me and dumb brain” I add uncertainly, before blurting out “ I have anxiety.”

OKAY. WHY DID I DO THAT.

Sitka shifted in his seat, turning to look at his friends. Now I'm worried, because literally no one drops that bombshell 15 minutes into the conversation. A conversation that only started because of a tutorial lesson.

To distract me from my rapidly anxious thoughts, I turned to look at Sitka's friends. The 'so pretty it hurts' pair of Thea and Irwin. Now that I've got my glasses back, I can really appreciate their attractiveness and how they sort of defy normal beauty standards? I mean, look at Thea, her look is handsome and rugged and she can pull off a suit and tie better than most male bodied people I know. Irwin is no different. They're so pretty and curvy and they carry a crop top with pride with their cute lil chub and wow, I'm gobsmacked again. 

Yeah, that's totally a way to distract me from my thoughts.

“ I wish I could be more open with my friends, especially Thea and Irwin” Sitka began, not taking his eyes off of them. “ I mean, I know they love me and everything but sometimes it's hard” I nod furiously, perfectly understanding what he meant.

“ I mean, I'm open about most things but sometimes, it's just I don't want them to worry about me. So I guess I'm the same as you?” Sitka finally glanced his ash coloured eyes at me and woah, pretty “ I mean, I'm happiest when I'm with them, so what you see is the sort of real me but I still have parts that I hide from them---” he stops and then looks at me with a soft expression “ I'm sor--”

“ Remember that threat about bad fanfictions?” I say, probably giving him the same look. Or not. It could be a smirk for all I know. He chuckles “ I get it, we're both holding back, even though we're so happy with our friends because they're one of the best things that ever happen to us. You don't have to be sorry, man. None of us do” We shared a sad, knowing smile before venturing to the next box.

Only we couldn't. The lecturer clapped his hands, jolting us out of the somber mood that had settled  between us. He said that that discovery time was over and it was time to discuss what each of us found out. We both looked at each other and shrugged, continuing to take notes from where we sat. The lecturer wrapped up our session with the usual stuff he says, talking about the benefits of this and why he decided to include this in his course and stuff. We also found out it was because he could listen in and now he has blackmail material. To which the class laughed and told him we got dirt on him from our seniors and we're weren’t afraid to broadcast it.

I was just glad it gave me a chance to talk to Sitka.

It's a different kind of comfort that I usually feel when I talk to my friends. Maybe because he gets it? But I'm pretty sure that my friends do, most of the time. I mean, I do sometimes notice how soft they can get when I'm in one of my moods and stuff. Talking to him felt as natural as it does with Tavşan and SEH, but in a way, but different.

I can't explain it well. But it's a good feeling.