#ee counting sheep

[birchboom]

Day 2

[falling-star-cygnus]

I was an anon on some of your asks, the ones about Billy's past concerning his relationship with the Sons of Calydon and how the Cunning Hares might react to it, and I want to say that I love the amnesic Billy fic you made and I hope you keep making more fics because you're good at writing Billy!

Also, I just wanted to ask you if you can make a fic about Billy having an awkward or heartwarming reunion or homecoming with the Sons of Calydon and the people of the Outer Ring because ZZZ 1.2 is coming out soon. There have been leaks of characters and the new map area, and the new video about the Outer Ring was awesome, so the idea of Billy telling the Cunning Hare girls about his previous life and reconnecting with the people he once knew would be so nice to write.

I’M SO SORRY, THIS IS SO LATE -> and thank you so much for your kind words!

as of late, i've decided to close my inbox to focus on the requests I've already received :3 when those have been completed it'll be reopened, should y'all still be a fan <3

please forgive my tardiness, i do hope you've liked the Sons of Calydon content i've made thus far :{

So... sleepy..

Piper leans against the railing of the warm roof, lazily watching all the people go about their lives. It was such a nice sunny day.. perfect for a.. little... nap.

Or it would be.

Were she not being PELTED with ROCKS-

Itty bitty ones, Lucy's boars weren't mean, but the click-click-clack of pebbles against her forehead was annoying! Cruel, even, as it prevented the blonde from taking full advantage of the afternoon sun.

Ah.. but Caesar wanted her to keep a look out.

Meh.

Cracking open her mossy greens took more effort than Piper was willing to expend for such a menial task, buuut she powered through. Quite bravely, might she add. The two boars- one stacked atop the other- snuffled approvingly and finally, finally stopped their onslaught.

...huh?

Piper recounted.

Huh?

Two boars? Surely, that wasn't right.

One, two-

...

Piper rubbed her eyes.

One piggy, two piggy, three.... ee?

"Yowch! I'm awake, I'm awake!" the small girl whines, futilely raising her arms to block the next barrage of pebbles.

Counting sheep, pigs, what's the difference?

One more quick survey of the roof shows Piper that- yep, her eyes were not fogged with sleep... only two little boars were up here.

...oh no.

"LUCY'S GONNA KILL MEEEEEHEEHE!"

-><-...-><-

Piper now faces a new dilemma.

She can't leave the roof, Caesar explicitly told her to keep an eye on the people of Sixth Street. Or- well, she can't leave this area. She could probably leave the roof. Hm.

But if Caesar never finds out she left the area...

The two boars look at each other curiously, and then shrug as the blonde biker leans over the railing. If Piper can just spot a glimpse of red leather, she can grab it and get back to watching before the other two even suspect a thing.

Well.

She spots red leather alright.

About four shades too bright.

Is that...?

"Billy?"

The android stops humming, his endearingly goofy jaunt down the street coming to a confused halt. He'd gotten more expressive since he left the Sons..

Piper's hands twitch on the railing.

"If I run and jump at Billy, he will most certainly catch me in his arms," Burnice had said one day, before taking off running towards their android.

"Wait- Burnice, I'm holding Lucy!"

In the end, he didn't drop either of them. Lucy had been hastily moved to sit on his right bicep and the resident pyromaniac had koala-ed onto his side.

The verbal beatdown Lucy had given her was brutal, but it almost didn't matter when the three dissolved into laughs and cheers. All Piper could remember in her sleepy haze was...

..wanting to join them.

Billy left the Sons a few days after that- all without a word to the two youngest members.

Two yellow glass eyes meet mossy green irises.

The sleepy girl jumps.

"PIPER!?"

The android's arms are surprisingly comfy to land in- probably due to the spin he threw the two into to minimize impact- and it feels a little like tucking herself into bed.

Distantly, she can hear Billy squawking about 'giving him a warning first' and 'what if he hadn't caught her' and other junk. Like Billy would have ever let her 'splat against the pavement.' He was wayyy too protective for that.

She should've done this sooner... Piper already knew the android was comfy to lean on after so many nights curled into his side, but- eh... too much effort.

"Piper-?"

"Androids that disappear overnight don't get to say shit."

And oh. She was crying. When.. did that happen? It was like a dam broke somewhere in her chest- so much time had passed of resentment growing so silently that she hadn't even noticed it burned until she was face to face with the lighter.

Mechanic hands jolt from where they're holding under her legs and shoulders. Piper buries her face into his shoulder with a hiccup.

"Why didn't you tell us? Me and Lucy. Why did you just leave?"

It's a long second before Billy answers.

Uncharacteristically long, enough so that Piper wonders- through a blur of tears she can't stop- if he's going to respond at all or just keep rocking the sleepy girl like she's some child.

"...I'm sorry," the android settles on eventually, "I knew that if I saw you two again, I wouldn't be able to leave. That- wasn't fair of me. To just disappear on you."

It wasn't, and Piper hates that answer because it's true. She knows that if she somehow knew Billy Kid was going to leave that she'd ask him to stay and she knows he would have. And...

She's heard how happy he is with the Cunning Hares. From Caesar and Lighter and news headlines and the Phaethon siblings. Its.. not fair to take that from him either.

"You're the worst," she sniffs, clinging on to his shoulders, "I'm telling Burnice about the time you broke her flamethrower."

"What!? We agreed to blame that on Lucy's pigs!"

Piper stiffens immediately. Lucy's boars. Oh no.

"Piper?"

"I TOTALLY FORGOT I LOST ONE OF THEM!"

"YOU WHAT!?"

[Lucy sneezes somewhere on Sixth Street, and her loyal boar hands her a tissue]

[gremlinaristocrat]

Overthinking Sylvie’s Strategy

So, I know the Gio&Molly vs Sylvie fight in Ep2 was mostly about getting the protagonists to show off their personalities and powers . . . but I think if you read (way too far) into the strategy Sylvester uses it tells you a surprising amount about him.

Start at the start. Sylvie overhears our heroes talking about how they’re villains. Instead of sneak attacking them while he has the drop on them, he starts a dialog, to confirm they’re actually bad guys (and maybe to satisfy his own desire for drama and/or indulge in his sense of invulnerability). Gio responds by confirming he’s a criminal, calling Sylvie a kid and initiating combat.

It’s kind of overshadowed by what he does later in the fight, but the doc is pretty reasonable early on; I get the feeling he’d have been even more willing to talk things out if dealing with Indus’ stupidity and Mera’s manipulation hadn’t shortened his already-short fuse and made him Done with Trying To Talk To People.

Sylvie’s first move is to use sleep pollen like he did with Indus earlier; unlike all his other attacks, he doesn’t call its name when he uses it, probably to minimize the chances that his targets will figure out what it does in time to stop it. This is a 10/10 opener, with the potential to harmlessly incapacitate enemies and end fights before they start.

When that fails thanks to Molly’s quick thinking and Gio’s creativity, he follows it up with Counting Sheep. This is another solid decision, and unlike the last one, it actually works out for him: his minions swiftly swarm and overwhelm his opponents.

Pictured: Flawless Victory.

Note that – as far as I can tell – Sylvie has basically won at this point. Molly and Giovanni have no way to stop the sheep before they nibble and poof them into unconsciousness; all he has to do is stay the course.

And then our boy screws up. He banishes his own army – or maybe incinerates them, the animation isn’t clear on that point – in order to confront a twelve-year-old girl with her worst nightmare, while having no idea what that nightmare is or how he’d be able to use it.

He also picks this point to sacrifice his vantage point, achieving no obvious gain. I don’t think Jello did this on purpose, but it fits very well that Sylvie literally gives up the high ground for no reason – while forcing his opponents onto a different patch of high ground – at the same time he’s metaphorically doing that.

Let me psychoanalyze the psychoanalyst: what the hell is the good doctor thinking when he unleashes (almost literal!) hell on the adorable cosmic brownie? What’s going through his head when he passes up sure victory for the chance to re-traumatize a child?

Well, it’s possible that Counting Sheep drains stamina faster than it appears to (though he doesn’t seem winded after using it). It’s also possible that he’s worried about one of them using ranged attacks on him, and feels the need to end the fight ASAP. The magic system in EE is intentionally kind of loose and vibes-y, so there’s an endless list of possible excuses.

That said, I think the most likely answer to “what was he thinking?” is “absolutely nothing”. This whole thing looks like a (legitimately!) clever synergy-exploiting strategy he thought up a while back, rarely or never got to see in action, and is just unreflectively executing on even though a more humane approach would have straight-up let him win.

I didn’t notice this until the Youtube comments pointed it out, but I think it’s neat Gio never calls Sylvie a kid again after he finds out the doc has issues with it (except that one time he does it to signal that he’s putting on a show for the cops). He’ll mock you mercilessly, and maybe steal your stuff, but our glorious pink-haired overlord will not use That Word You Dislike to describe you once he knows you dislike it.

Anyway, back to the fight. Sylvie tries to negotiate with his prisoners in the Flame Vortex, since apparently his Psychology PhD never taught him that confronting people with their literal worst nightmares might make them unreasonable and/or push them to extremes. Gio escapes with Molly; Sylvie doubles down on the Nightmare Fuel; Gio responds by thwacking a ball of yarn at him.

This is another point at which – again, as far as I can tell – Sylvie has basically won. The fact that Giovanni resorted to such weird and desperate measures suggests Gio & Molly don’t have any better ways to attack or escape from their current position. All the alleged genius needs to do is take cover behind an exhibit and let his summons finish the criminals. Instead, he cancels his own winning move (again!) so he can summon Dr Beefton, escalating (again!!) in a way that doesn’t actually help him (again!!!).

Like, seriously, what was the plan here? There are a lot of words you could use to accurately describe Sylvie’s colleague/alter-ego/fursona, but ‘agile’ and ‘nimble’ aren’t among them; if Gio and Molly had decided to hold onto their high ground on general principles after Sylvie (apparently) fainted, or if they’d sprinted off in different directions instead of trying to stand their ground, what would he have done then?

From here on out, the beef revolves around Beefton. This tells us very little about Sylvie, except maybe in terms of how much frustration he’s repressing, and what being powerful means to him.

Pictured: What Peak Performance Looks Like

So, what does all this say about Sylvie? He’s clever, willing to hear people out, and merciful when he can get away with it; however, he makes dumb or pointlessly cruel decisions under pressure, and follows a prescribed plan instead of adapting to the enemy; will escalate when surprised or provoked, even when it’s counterproductive, choosing moves which feel strong instead of ones which make sense. In summary, he’s the world’s smartest dumbass, and (at least in this part of the story) acts more like a stereotypical cop than the actual cop character.

He’s getting better quickly, though. I think a lot of this is symptomatic of him being new-ish to fights, and especially new to fights where people get hurt and/or which last more than one move . . .

Yeah, it shows, and not in a good way.

. . . since he gets more flexible and responsive when fighting Mera . . .

Pictured: Character Growth

. . . though, uh, apparently not enough for him to realize that he could demoralize her and/or broker a truce by offering to remove her Epithet with the amulet if he wins.

Out-reasoned by the tweenager; that’s embarrassing.

[doctor-yo-yo]

"Hmm..."

"Oh, sorry. My name is Doctor Sylvester Ashling. I'm the owner of Ashling Psychology Offices, and-

Well, co-owner technically, I lied about the person I work under, but that's besides the point.

Ahem. I'm the CO-OWNER of Ashling Psychology Offices. I mostly came here for reasons like Miss Blyndeff, but I haven't had much fun for a while. Go ahead, ask me questions and try to see how many sheep I can count."

🐏~~~~~~~~~~💤~~~~~~~~~~🐏

I can't control myself. Sylvester has joined the team!

"Canon? This is a place of business, I can't be firing things like that!" This contains headcanons, so I mostly won't stick to the og Epithet Erased plot

NOT AFFILIATED WITH JELLOAPOCALYPSE OR ANYONE FROM THE EE TEAM

Main timeline for the blog is a few years after canon (everyone is like 3 or 4 years older ig). Prison of Plastic? That doesn't sound very effective.

Mod is a minor!!!!! And (canon) Sylvie is also a minor.

Keep your kinks to yourself for the love of god

Mod goes by any/all (mostly he/him)

May rp, but ask first. Most likely it will be a no, though.

Ships are allowed and stuff I guess

I have only watched the show, haven't read the books so I only know about the YouTube series.

Reiterating nothing sexual directed at mod, nothing sexual at the character, and no slurs. I will delete any and all asks like this

I am usually busy with school from 7am to 3pm EST, so wait until around then to see an answer if you send a message

Mod's main is @eteledhasanaxe

This blog is made for answering questions and is supposedly similarly structured to ones by @/Leagallyfine (they do Ace Attorney blogs and are really cool, go follow them!)

Have fun with Sylvie!

(note: mod isn't a real therapist but will listen to you if you need it 👍)

[epithet-beloved]

HI…ME AGAIN…currently in the throes of a vicious spell (bad sleep schedule) cast upon me by a despicable witch (my phone) and just got hit with a new Illness (Thoughts). Can I request headcanons about EE Sylvie and Delta Caprone? As friends? Enemies? Both??!! Just thought of these two together and scrambled over to this account IMMEDIATELY to get it out somewhere. oh how the Curse has Afflicted me.

DELTA AND SYLVIE PLATONIC HEADCANONS

synopsis… The… erm, “friendship” between Delta Caprone and Sylvester Ashling.

ft. Delta Caprone, Sylvester “Sylvie” Ashling, Agitha Fuckwhistle (mentioned), Rick Shades (mentioned)

tags… epithet erased spoilers, platonic, relationship study, rivals to friends, too many shounen references

word count… 660

a/n… unfortunately not at peak writing vibe so this is less serious than usual ,,, sowwy!! ✧ 🦝

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 I hope you know the title of this document is “fuck you *sends you to the shadow realm*”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Because oh BOY these guys HATE each other so much!!!!!

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 I imagine they’re around the same age, and before Sylvie jumped to college level they were in the same grade.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 The rivalry starts young.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 They were the two biggest Pilot Command nerds in the class.  It would be one fateful day in the springtime where they would be out on lunch break, and play together.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 The battle…  It raged for long over the hour.  It was impossible to tear the boys away from the game, and dang did Miss Fuckwhistle try!

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It would be that day that a great rivalry was formed!!!! …And then interrupted by Sylvie going to college and their schedules never aligning once Sylvie decided the rivalry was far too childish.  Delta called him a coward for that.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Cough.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Flash forward – DeathCon.  These two encounter one another again and it’s like time stops.  Dread fills Sylvie’s stomach and a cockiness would enter Delta’s mind as he daydreams about crushing the dude at the game that brought them together in the first place.

Sylvester glares at the boy across the hall from them.  Beside him, Rick Shades would also glare, before leaning down to whisper, “why don’t we like him?” “Oh, we go way back,” Sylvie answers, his glasses shining over to hide his expression, his voice grave.  “Way… way back.” “...That does not answer my question at all!”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 The entirety of DeathCon consists of Delta taunting Sylvester – the psychologist almost bursting a blood vessel for the entire occasion.  He… He just keeps winning!  Every time!  What the Hell!!!  Sylvie is so easily angered by Delta’s cocky attitude.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Once Delta’s epithet is exposed, Sylvie goes absolutely INSANE.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He KNEW it. He KNEW there was a reason he never bested Delta before.  He’s using his Epithet – it’s all just… CHEATING!!!

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Cue maniacal cackles and concerned staring from the party.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He probably even tries to move from his spot to stumble up to Delta and point and laugh in his face.  I don’t doubt the insanity of our little sheep boy.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 From then on, Sylvester is the worst of the pair.  He’s constantly probing and being a little shithead to Delta who just wants to play some cards bro.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Fine.  Fine!  If this is the attitude Sylvie wants to take, then Delta challenges Sylvester to one last game of Pilot Command – one on one, no holding back.

The mini arena that is just a patch of field in the middle of a park could make a war torn soldier shiver from fear.  The two teenagers would stare at one another from a proportionally long ways away from one another.  The wind dramatically rolls through their hair. It’s so on.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 The battle was intense, definitely illegal, hearts were put in cards.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It ends with Delta and Sylvie on the ground, roughed up and staring at the sky above them.  Sylvie begins to think about who won– he could barely remember what the super cool final combo attack was, it was so…

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 And then Delta begins to laugh.

Sylvie looks over at the teenager, laughing like he never saw him laugh before.  It isn’t his self-confident chuckle or anything like that.  It’s an actual laugh, out into the air. He couldn’t help but laugh along. “Dude,” Delta wheezes between breaths, “that was the most intense Pilot Command battle I’ve ever experienced!  You improved!” Sylvie scoffed.  “Aw well…  You seem really dedicated to it…  Maybe I misjudged.  I… really respect you as a Pilot Command player.” Delta’s eyes widened a little.  “What?  Y’serious?” A smile couldn’t help but make its way to Sylvie’s lips.  “Yeah.  I’m serious.”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 The cathartic release is what the boys really needed.  Their rivalry is much more friendly from then on.  No battle would ever be as intense, but one should fear any team that includes these two shithead teenage boys.

[summermissions-eld]

Summer Missions Update!

Hey Friends and Family! Two weeks down, one week for preparation of this summer and one week with missions teams. It has been a great time so far.

The first week we got to visit some work sites and prepare the church to receive our missions teams for this summer. I was absolutely blown away by the scenery in New Mexico and Arizona. I can't count the number of times I've said, "You just don't see this in Ohio!" I got to check driving on a dirt road off of my bucket list and seeing the Monument Valley park in Utah. I did get a cold that I've been battling off and on so please pray for my health!

This week, Tse ee gai House of Joy Church on Black Mesa in Tonalea, AZ (the church I am staying at this summer), has been hosting a Tent Revival all week long! Some of the service is in Navajo and some in English. I had the privilege of trying frye bread (to die for!), mutton, and sheep liver & intestines this week. I've enjoyed all of the local dishes I have tried. I've slowly gotten used to the outdoor showers, outhouses, and lack of running water -- I'm definitely gaining muscle this summer from hauling 5 gallon water buckets back and forth! The missions teams this week were amazing, all of them returners who encouraged my team and I with kind words, snacks, hugs, and life advice. Overall, It's been an amazing two weeks out on the reservation. I am captured by God's heart in this place, in these people, in the missions teams serving, in my own teams sacrificial love for each other, and in my heart. Be praying for the Dine (Navajo) people, the coming missions teams, my team, and for God to empower me to be a living sacrifice holy and acceptable to Him this summer and for life.

[senzacaponecoda]

I sketched out a PIE clang out of boredom earlier and I kind of liked where it was going but I didn't feel like making a vocab list. Have it

Not Satem

PIE -> Clang

Nucleic sonorants get /a/

*bh -> f

*dh -> z initially, dd elsewhere

*gh -> mostly g initially, gg elsewhere

*kw, gw, ghw -> k, b, bb

*p, t, k, b, d -> mostly same

*s -> always smobile, z between vowels, VsC -> VhC -> VC^2 so like *hest -> ett but *stati -> stat. *sk -> š tho

*r,*l -> metathesize to usually post-vocalic but avoiding m, n, y, w and themselves. *l mostly turns to w after w->v, after vowels and before back vowels. *r tries to turn into *l. *gr and *ghr stop that and just turn into r via an intermediate uvular; h2 was uvular x imo so it also does that (h2r -> r, not l)

*g before e, i merges with y, but not gh

w -> v, y -> ž initially, /j/ otherwise

h1 -> ø, h2 -> h initially, long after a vowel, a-colors. h3-> h initially, w otherwise, a-colors but rounds so basically o-colors

nasals preserved initially, nasalize vowels otherwise

long, nasal vowels raise *oo, *on -> u, *ee, en -> i. Nasal a fronts to e, long a backs to o.

Final short vowel becomes schwa, schwa also inserted after word final geminates

Vowel length transfers to consonant (coda) length if it can.

late a epenthesis before initial clusters

generally clusters simplify as best as possible

Verbs derive from the eventive endings, usually as if they were perfective. Athematic verbs usually like they had -e- before the person endings, thematic verbs usually like they had -a- before the endings, most new verbs are -a- types. Infinitive reflects PIE, the gerund/imperfective participle reflects -nd-, and the original perfect stem was regularized to the reduplicating pattern and used for a new participle with an irregular syllabic n from old -nt-.

So

*bherati -> feratë

egu fere, tu fera, o ferat, nu feremë, yu ferattë, i ferettë

egu fifere, tu fifera, o fiferat, nu fiferemë, yu fiferattë, i fiferettë

stat fereddë

ettë fiferan

*leynkweti -> likketë

egu likke, tu likke, o likket, nu likkimë, yu likkettë, i likkittë

egu lilekkë, tu lilekke, o lilikket, nu lilekkimë, yu lilekkettë, i lilekkittë

stat likkeddë, ettë lilekkan

Noun outcomes would look like their accusative plurals, basically coming out to thematic u stems from the o declension, thematic e stems from the a declension, athematic stems would essentially be consonant stems. A new plural would develop out of the old genitive via a partitive construction and generalize so it's just: u/i, e/i, ø/i, with some irregular things here and there.

*nokwts -> nottë, notti

*dngweh2s -> debbe, debbi

*nisdos -> niddu, niddi

*wergom -> vergu, verži

pronouns are like

nom/obl/pos

egu/mi/miyu

tu/ti/tuyu

o/o/oyu

a/a/ayu

vi/emmí/emmu

yu/vu/yuyu

i/i/iyu

-u -> -e with feminines, -i with plurals (!iyi is eyi)

speakers can say ege if female, or te if speaking to a female, ye females, but this is considered overanalysis and generally done either to sound cute or mildly insult. T-V formality exists; I guess I'm imagining this spoken on some mediterranean island having had contact with Rome.

the oykos stem ends up the counting one but the oynos stem ends up an article. the k demonstrative ends up the definite articles.

ik bi ti kepori pikki seši setti hotti nonni dekki, akiti = 100

post positions and SOV

Hávë 'në, žu o ddë hónnë nérrë váret, éki didérket.

sheep a, REL he to wool not was, horses saw

Ík báru vóggu 'në vivégget;

one heavy wagon a drew

ík méžu fóru 'në;

one big load a

ík nér in hókohóko fiférat.

one man a quickly carried.

Hávë ku éki ki ddë vuvóket:

Sheep the horses the to said:

"Aggímu në aspeki, éki-dë hážetë,

human a see, horses-and draw.INF

kíddë mi aggútari".

heart my pain.PASS

Éki ki o ddë vuvókit:

Horses him to said:

"Kuddí, hávë!

Listen, sheep!

Tó aspékimë,

it we.see

kíddi emmí aggútarit:

hearts our pain.PASS

aggímu në, pótë ku, honnë af hávë bémmu véttru vivépet,

human a, master the, wool of sheep warm clothing made

hávë-dë ku ddë honnë nérrë váret".

sheep-and the to wool not was.

Tó-dë kukúddet, hávë ku hággu ku nnë fufúget.

it-and heard, sheep the field the in fled

[speyerboot]

“Cat! Hand me my gun...”

“Counting sheep, protect me!”

[khaospupp]

new media that i like a normal amount (they are best friends)

[mollysfoundfamily]

Little Bo Pee-Pee boy

[birbs-draws]

can you please draw Zora and Sylvie interacting? (also, I love your art sm-)

Angy sheepy spent so long on his hair, however, Zora does not care u_u

[This interaction probably takes place in eegen's EAM au-]

[zical-moved]

oh you know (reblogs > likes) :3

[s3lkieboy]

Counting sheep but minecraft

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

This week we’re drawing inspiration from @jokingluna on Tumblr. Because if there’s one thing we know, it’s that Bad Jokes are always in season.

Aries 

How does one know when a minotaur is about to charge? Because it will send you an invoice first. This week try not to use your credit card. You’re just wearing out the mag-stripe. Unless you have one of those new-fangled NFC ones.

Taurus 

More financial humour for you. Why was the mullet audited? Because it did not declare its business up front. This week pay for a proper haircut - some places still offer “Mullet Correction” cuts for $15.

Gemini 

We realize you’re having a hard time seeing how these jokes work, so this illuminating one’s for you. What happens to bad rainbows? They get sent to prism. This week stop groaning; you could have asked for something nicer but you didn’t bother. So you got what you paid for.

Cancer Moon-Child 

Do you know how many birds it takes to change a lightbulb? Tucan do it. This week buy some spare light bulbs and rechargeable flashlights. With storm season coming up you might need them.

Leo 

Why do you make sheep anxious at night? First off, NO, that’s not why! It’s because they know how much you’re always counting on them. This week try to be a little more self reliant… Or just stop drinking coffee an hour before bed. 

Virgo 

When you were born the doctor said that you might grow between five and six feet. Look at you now - such a disappointment. You’ve still only got two. This week we’re going to up our standards while hoping you’ll up yours too.

Libra 

Do you know… The Muffin Man? Do you know what he sleeps under at night? A cookie sheet. This week buy some frozen cookie dough and try not to eat it raw for a change. Unless you’re adding it to ice cream!

Scorpio 

Do you remember the original Ghostbusters movie? The team had their first capture in the Sedgewick Hotel. Would that make Slimer an Inn-Spector? This week don’t be a Peck…. No, there’s no “-er” at the end of “Peck” in this case.

Sagittarius 

Did you know that a collection of beehives is called an Apiary? Do you know what you call a beehive without any bees? An “EE-hive”. This week find your crystalized honey container and float it in some hot water to reconstitute it. 

Capricorn 

What medicine is best if you have an allergy to snakes? Anti-hissss-tamines. This week stock up on them since pollen season is just around the corner. 

Aquarius 

Speaking of which: Hey Aquarius? When’s the best time to use a trampoline? Spring Time. This week make sure yours is in full working order and not going to split the first time you bounce on the canvas.

Pisces  

For the last joke, we have one submitted by Maude Pie!

I once took my sister, Limestone, to my joke-telling club. As soon as we sat down at a table somepony stood up and loudly said, “Number Twenty-Seven!” Everypony laughed. Somepony else stood up and called out, “Number One-Forty-Five!” We all laughed again. Limestone was confused and asked what was happening. I explained that we’d all heard so many jokes before that we just keep a list of them and say the number to save time. Limestone looked at the collection on our table, picked a joke, stood up and called, “Number Seventy-Eight!” The room went silent and looked at her as she sat down. She asked me why nopony laughed. I had to explain, “The joke is a classic, but you need to work on your delivery.”

This week, stop ordering from online retailers and deliver your own groceries yourself.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[alwaysspeakshermind]

Favorite Fictional Ladies Alphabet C is for: Cordelia Chase

In the realm of TV shows aimed at teens, there are Queen (B)ees, and then there are Queen. Fricking. (B)ees. For me (someone who always enjoys a good loudmouthed bish with low levels of tact and absolutely ZERO respect for the meaning of the phrase shut up), the early seasons of Buffy were kind of difficult, because I frequently questioned who was my favorite B-word: Buffy or Cordelia. 

Yeah, Cordelia essentially serves as the reliable antagonist in Buffy’s day-to-day, non-slaying world, and yeah, she’s a pretty, popular, runs-the-school-and-everyone-in-it kind of girl rather than an outsider who instantly commands sympathy, but what of it? An antagonist is, after all, just someone who opposes/causes trouble for the protagonist, and as Cordy herself would point out, being the It™ girl in high school isn’t really all it’s made out to be. 

Besides, let’s be honest here: antagonists are not automatically evil simply because they’re arguing with the protagonist, and while Cordelia may be mean, self-centered, and almost unbelievably shallow at times, she is not stupid and she is rarely wrong. Every group of world-saving heroes needs someone with the backbone to say the rude-but-true thing everyone’s thinking, and Cordelia’s more than happy to be that person.

Why she’s my girl:

Despite her overt vanity, callous treatment of wallflowers like Willow, well-cemented status as human-thorn-in-Buffy’s-side, and inexplicable fondness for sweaters knotted around the neck (no, baby, no!) Cordelia commands my undying respect. Regardless of whatever insane situation she’s in, Cordelia is always and reliably Cordelia, aka Cordy, aka Queen C. Whether she’s addressing humans, vamps, or other monsters, she’s loud, opinionated, and ready with an arsenal of insults that sting all the more because there’s a lot of truth in them. 

But as cutting as she can be, she’s also (arguably) the least hypocritical of all Buffy’s non-evil characters, mostly because she’s just so straightforward about who she is: not the runner-up, but The Queen. Not a sheep, but a trendsetter. Not someone who tells lies to protect egos or fragile self-esteem. (Remember that time Buffy could hear everyone’s thoughts and only Cordy’s exactly matched the words that left her mouth?) 

Her relationship with Buffy and co. is more in the frenemy category than anything else, and she’s just as liable to ridicule/flat-out bully as she is to lend assistance, but she sticks with them (for the most part) despite everything. “Nice” isn’t a part of the deal, and though she’s very clear about that, she’s not the dumb, stone-cold, heartless flake everyone around her tends to think. Yes, her concerns are almost never what people think they ought to be, yes, she exasperates everyone with her skillfully brutal assessments of people and situations, and yes, she never misses the chance to criticize someone’s fashion or lack thereof. But she also gives people rides whenever they need them, staunchly defends those she decides to consider part of her circle, and refuses to accept less than what she knows she deserves. She is a fighter when it comes right down to it, but she’s also a very cool realist—if someone else is willing to do the fighting for her, why should she bother making the effort and ruining her manicure? If a formidable foe challenges just one person to a fight, why should she go along and risk her life? 

No, she’s not kind, yes, she makes comments so cutting they’re probably better described as cruel, but she’s also extremely strong, smart, and layered in a way that’s typically not seen in HBIC TV characters both before and since. And every once in a while, albeit essentially never on purpose, Cordy lets it slip that her bitchy, shallow, valley-girl exterior actually conceals a beating human heart—a pretty big one, at that—and it’s kind of beautiful.

(What—she can’t have layers?)

Favorite quotes: Way, way, WAY! too many to count, but some favorites are:

“It’s like when I go shopping, I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it’s expensive, but because it costs more.”

“God! WHAT IS YOUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?!?”

“People who think their problems are so huge craze me. Like the time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike…it was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she’s trying to make it about her leg! Like my pain meant nothing.”

“You think I’m never lonely because I’m so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It’s not like any of them really know me. I don’t even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes, when I talk, everyone’s so busy agreeing with me they don’t hear a word I say.”

“We’re still all rooting for you on Saturday! I’d be there for you myself if I didn’t have a leg-wax.”

“I just don’t see why everyone’s always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don’t appreciate that kind of effort.”

“‘I aspire to help my fellow man.’ Check. As long as he’s not smelly, dirty, or something gross.”

“You’re sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I’m way cooler that you ‘cause I’m not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I’ll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.”

“Tact is just not saying true stuff. I’ll pass.”

[“What about that nutty ‘all men are created equal’ thing?”] “Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less-deserving.”

"I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough I won't be so scared. And hey, it's working! Where's a damn weapon?"

“I am the surgeon of mean.”

“Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.”

“In fact, I wish all men, except maybe the dumb and the really agreeable kind, disappear off the face of the earth. That would be so cool!”

[“You have no shame.”] “Oh, please. Like shame is something to be proud of?”

“I’m Cordelia Chase, dumbass.”

“I think it, I say it. It’s my way.”

[genderyboy]

-———————୨🌙୧———————-

sleepysheepyic

(sleepy-sheep-ee-ick)

a gender related to counting sheep to try and fall sleep, the lullaby "twinkle twinkle little star", and crescent moons!!

some pronoun ideas for this gender are:

sheep/sheeps/sheepself

fluff/fluffs/fluffself

baa/baas/baaself

count/counts/countself

twinkle/twinkles/twinkleself

star/stars/starself

crescent/crescents/crescentself

moon/moons/moonself

[Flag ID: Three flags with 9 stripes. The stripes in order from top to bottom are yellow, grayish yellow, pale yellow, very light grey, white, very light purple, blueish purple, purple, and dark purple. The middle flag has a yellow crescent moon and a yellow star in the center, with 3 black silhouettes of sheep jumping over them. All of the sheep have their eyes closed and a curly piece of wool on their head. The left sheep has a number 1 on its body, the middle one has a number 2 on it, and the right one has a number 3 on it. End ID.]

requested by anon as part of the 3 emoji ask game!! the prompt was: 💫🐑🌙

let me know if anyone else made something similar!!

[Banner ID: A banner of the xenogender flag. On the left there is a transparent white star with a black outline. There is a transparent box with text inside. The text reads: "Please read my DNI before interacting!" End ID.]