#either way jesus christttt grow up get over it oh my god
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when the weed starts tasting like the realization that I'm still deeply lonely and I'll never be loved how I need and it's selfish of me to even want it
#I'm kind of such a pathetic person jesus christ#maybe I'm in love with him. maybe I'm just deeply lonely#either way jesus christttt grow up get over it oh my god#kind of is it abnormal to feel like I've slept through the past multiple months of my life#and wake up realizing there's a hole in my chest that can never be filled and a crack in my head that can never be mended#hole in chest = deep wrenching desire for connection. crack in head = inability to keep up with my daily life#god I'm so whiny literally get over it is it ever that serious. oh elliott. is it ever really that bad.#thinking abt that time I thought that if I drank enough I could be uninhibited enough to ask for physical affection#and then spent 3 hrs throwing up. erm. not my proudest moment#kind of need to get so fucked up I get taken care of again. kind of need to be cradled in someone's arms#<- most annoying person on the planet oh my god. I hate u ppl who yearn online literally grow uppp u sound pathetic#need someone to study me. need someone to know me inside and out. need someone to be interested in hearing every thought I've ever had#need to be treated like god's specialest little princess. need to be someone's hyperfixation.#okay I've reached self-parody levels. it's bedtime#narcissus's echoes#vent
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