#elizaria fic

[elirandom]

So I don't know if I had too much tea today or what, but I wrote fic on my phone.

I've yet to be the king of my castle. 1300 PG rated words of Buck and Tommy trying their first date. Which we already know Eddie and Marisol crashed lol. There's both Buck and Evan used here because Tommy can't figure out which one to use. Tommy pov.

Tommy knew he had a shift, but damn if it wasn't hard to take a step back and stop kissing Evan Buckley. Even harder when he saw the stunned look on his face. Maybe the guy doesn't know when he's flirting with people. "So that was okay?"

That gorgeous kid honestly babbled about mouth static looking so adorably confused Tommy wanted to just dive right back in.

Honestly, Tommy came here with the intention to apologize for somehow messing with Eddie and Evan's friendship, poor Eddie high on painkillers had lamented on how he should've known that Buck felt left out. So he figured since Buck - Evan, he's gotta ask him about that nickname sometime, hadn't called Eddie yet he'd be the big man and apologize on his way home from Eddie.

But things kinda took a curve with Evan's admission of seeking his attention. And now he had traffic to contend with sadly. So he asked him out, straightening Evan's shirt as an excuse to touch him but still be able to leave. And not think too hard on his soft biteable lips as he drove towards work, he had Saturday to look forward to, he couldn't risk a car crash.

Buck pretty much wriggled in his seat like a puppy, cute as fuck but they had barely had time to talk before their date. Even as it had to be postponed for a couple of weeks with the 118 being one man down and he having to take care of a few brush fires before they could manifest into proper wildfires. And now their dinner was done and paid for and Evan acted like he had ants in his pants. "You ok?"

"Huh, yeah, why?"

"You're a little tense." Tommy gently tapped Buck on his right foot.

Buck shone up with that big smile of his, it was nice to have it directed at only him "This is my first date with a dude, but I'm not weirded out. I mean.."

Tommy saw Eddie and Marisol first, and interrupted Buck, "He-ey!". But he was unprepared for how Buck lost the wide smile and quickly turned around in his chair.

"Buck! You two guys are here together!" Eddie looked as happy as he usually was, Evan not so much. Tommy thought they had talked, no he knew they had talked because Eddie had texted a picture of Buck's apology dinner.

"Yeah, and you two. What are the odds huh?" Evan made a noise in his throat before he turned to Tommy, "Hey I gotta use the bathroom, be right back."

Tommy exchanged pleasantries with Marisol before she kissed Eddie on the cheek and said she'd find their table.

"How's the ankle Eddie?"

Eddie leaned on Buck's chair, "It's okay, I'm not ready to be back on the engine quite yet for a couple of weeks but I'm back to work. It was only a sprain. How's Buck?"

"Buck? Okay I think?"

"No I mean, I thought we were fine but didn't he look a little squirrelly to you? You think he's still feeling guilty?"

"I don't know Evan as well as you do but that boy's gonna feel guilty forever. But no, I think he's fine."

"You'd tell me right? If there's something?"

"I will, now get to your table or your lady's gonna be pissed at me for hogging you too much." Again, but Tommy didn't say that out loud. But he'd seen the grimace behind Eddie's back last time he picked him up to see a match.

"Yeah yeah, make sure he knows I'm not mad ok?"

"Fine, I will. Now scoot." Eddie laughed as he slowly walked to his table.

Evan eventually came out and his smile as he came back to the table was a lot smaller. "You ok?"

"Huh?"

"You were gone a long time, you feeling okay?"

"I'm -" he was looking down at their table fiddling with his cutlery. "I haven't told Eddie yet. About -" he waved a hand between them.

"This being a date or the bisexual talk?"

"Um, none of it?" Buck squeaked.

"Evan, why? You can't possibly think Eddie would be bothered about you being not straight?"

"You think so? I mean, I know what you're saying but there's still that fear you know. Irrational or not."

"Come on, let's take a walk or something."

"Can we -" Evan blushed. "This sounds so forward on a first date and I'm not that guy anymore but jeez I don't want another surprise of people who know me tonight. Can we go to yours?"

"Sure. And you can be forward if you want to." Tommy elbowed him gently on his side as they walked out. He figured that Evan was too in his head right now for anything like an arm around his waist, no matter how nice that would be.

------

He was right, as soon as they were inside Tommy's car Evan took a deep breath and then put his hand on Tommy's arm. "I'm sorry. I've been talking with Hen and my sister and I'm pretty sure I'm fine with being out. So I haven't told the team, or Eddie yet, because I wanted to see how the date went first. Maybe I'm a disaster at dating dudes. Guys. Men."

"You're not a disaster Evan. Or is it Buck? I never got around to asking you about that, all of you use nicknames now. I think Hen and Eddie are the only ones I keep getting right. Howie is Chim these days and apparently you're Buck."

"From you - either works. Coming here to L.A. was a fresh start and Evan was a part of a lot of baggage so finding out that we had too many Evans in class I didn't mind getting a new name. But it's water under the bridge."

"So Buck, why is it so hard to talk to Eddie about this?" Tommy had his suspicions but he wanted the kid to figure it out on his own and not risk trampling over years long partnership because those two were a parental unit no matter what Evan mistakenly thought.

"I don't know." Evan made an angry voice down his throat. "It's like I lock up every time I try."

"He's worried there's still leftover feelings from the basketball game."

"Oh god, he said that?"

"Yeah, he wanted me to make sure you were ok."

"Aaaaand now I feel even guiltier." Evan slumped his forehead against the dashboard.

"There, there -" Tommy patted Evan on the back as he groaned into the car's innards. "Wanna come home and kiss me some more so you can feel extra bisexual before you put on your bigboy pants and call Eddie?"

"You're mean."

"Who, me?"

"Teasing with kisses with a caveat attached."

"I could make a really bad joke about carrots and sticks right now but I'm not gonna." Tommy grinned at the flustered look on Evan's face because he looked a lot less worried about anything right now. He turned the car on and backed out of their parking space, pausing before he turned out into traffic. "So, still wanna come home with me? Because if we stay here any longer I'm gonna end up kissing you anyway."

The way Evan's cheeks turned apple red and he looked up at Tommy from how he was still leaning a bit forward. Dangerous. "Yeah, take me home Tommy."

"Oh I'm going to. You better be a good boy and stay in your seat."

"Or what?" That grin on Evan's face, Tommy was gonna bite it. Instead he gripped Evan's thigh, feeling the muscles clench underneath his hand, before he took his hand back to the gear shaft. "Or we'll be embarrassingly in a car crash and have your colleagues save us from compromising positions."

Evan coughed, "Right."

Tommy smiled at him before joining the cars zipping by, starting on the road home.

[jerakeenc]

Rambly and fluffy.

[livlepretre]

Vicarious: The Buffy-in-the-Mix Remix by lynnenne, Love is... by elisi, Troika by Rahirah, Idle hands are the devil's workshop by elizaria, Love in Full Color by bluspirits, Overdone by Settiai, To Work Its Will by NotASong, The Lady Diminishes by useyourlove, Closer and Further Still by Foxinator, A Crazy Gorram Story by Herself_nyc, Vampire Winter by Glassdarkly, Those Things by Foxinator, Mating by Herself_nyc, Too Easy by kally77 (2)

EVERYONE GO READ AND ENJOY THE B/S/A fics!!!

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Thursday, August 2

WARREN: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend. BUFFY: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her? WARREN: I really thought I would be. I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable. You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy. BUFFY: Really? You? WARREN: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina. BUFFY: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box... ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away? WARREN: Kinda.

~~I Was Made to Love You~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Here We Go Again (crossover with Eureka, Willow, Buffy, FR-13/PG) by tvashti

Abby Normal (crossover with NCIS, Xander, FR13) by jerseyfabulous

Closing the Barn Door (crossover with Escape Plan, T/PG-13) by jedibuttercup

Revelation (crossover with Walking Dead and Flashforward, Buffy, Willow, FR15) by shieldage

They Made Profiles Where? (crossover with The Avengers, Dawn, Andrew, FR13) by indraleigh

Gently Used (crossover with Harry Potter, Xander, G) by twisted_slinky

Second Home (Buffy, Giles, G) by badly-knitted

One Truth (crossover with Stargate SG-1, Buffy, FR-13) by mmooch

I Love Livin' in the City (Joyce/Ripper, T) by thewiggins

Envy (crossover with Iron Man, Oz, T) by Vashti

Collection of fandom poetry things and ficlets (Spike/Buffy, Angel/Spike/Buffy, Angel/Spike, Not Rated) by elizaria

[Chaptered Fiction]

Anima Telorum Chapter 7 (Angel/Buffy) by Mrs Gordo

Lust Games Chapter 2 (Faith/Buffy, M) by ZzZzZzZZuzuZzZzZzZzZ

Surprise! I'm Your Sister Chapter 3 (crossover with Law & Order: SVU, Faith, M) by btvscharmedgirl

this cold heart never bleeds Chapter 3 (crossover with Sherlock (TV), Spike/Drusilla, E) by Mentalguerilla

Change of Destinies, Again. Chapter 5 (crossover with Charmed, T) by btvscharmedgirl

Save the Last Dance For Me Chapter 71 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Passion4Spike

My Kind of Love Chapter 6 (Faith/Buffy, T) by Chlo88

Feeling Something Chapter 7 (Spike/Buffy, M) by Chandrian. COMPLETE!

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: pretty soon he’s going to realize that he wants more than just #bubblebuffy (worksafe) by tarastheory

Artwork: Spike wearing an "I'm a Cat" hoodie (worksafe) by shadowsfandomhellhole

Video: Buffy & Angel | Rush (Bangel, ) by

Artwork: Banners (Buffy, Anya, worksafe) by betta

Artwork: Banner (Cordelia) by Nina

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: Pop Culture Role Call S04E22 - Fever Dream - Restless

PODCAST: Still Pretty #43. Nightmares (S1.10) by Lani Diane Rich and Noelle LaCroix

PUBLICATION: How ‘Buffy’ Slayed the Musical Episode by Miles Surrey and Kate Halliwell at theringer.com

PODCAST: Once More, With Feeling - Euer Buffy Rewatch Podcast 120 – Apfel. Baum! (6×16) (in German)

[Recs]

More Links Than A Bag Of Sausages by petzipellepingo

Fanvid Buffy & Angel | Rush by haley bob recced by jbuffyangel

[Community Announcements]

Contest Week, Day 4: Three or More Characters at fic-promptly

Final wrap of 2018 at summer-of-giles

[Fandom Discussions]

Who are your top three favorite BtVS/AtS characters? by multiple participants at sunnydalescribe

When did you first become a Bangel fan ? by buffy-angel-and-co

When did you first become a Bangel fan? by dingoes8myrp

When did you first become a Bangel fan? by royalweirdonj

Re: Why does fandom view Cordelia's tendency to go out of her way to be mean... as awesome "sass" and admirable honesty? by we-pay-for-everything

Ever since someone headcanoned Willow as a Slytherin, I like her again by millennialslayer

[The Twilight symbol] by millennialslayer

Re: I know you don’t ship any of Buffy’s canon ships, but if you absolutely had to pick... by baumanhp

When did you first become a Bangel fan? by mrsgordo84

Spike - why Buffy changed her attitude in S7 by thetopher

Roux discussed by multiple participants

Discussion of s6 Spuffy and Spike in "As You Were" by multiple participants

A Question About Death & Souls by UnsureAndWondering

Portents of Dawn by Aggrajag68

Question: Looking for Spike - which comics to read? by ketzelboo

BTVS' Storylines Which Are Still Relevant [Discussion focused on the bathroom scene in Seeing Red] hosted by Ahm Shere

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

PUBLICATION: How Joss Whedon's Buffy reboot could (actually) work by Sam Ashurst at digitalspy.com

PUBLICATION: Why The 'Buffy' Reboot News Has Original Show Star Emma Caulfield So Conflicted by Emma Caulfield Ford at bustle.com

PUBLICATION: A revamped Buffy could rectify the original Slayer’s problem with race by Patricia Pender at theconversation.com

[thetorchwoodarchive]

As I Die (Reaping through the truth, Life becomes untrue) by elizaria ( JackIanto | Complete | 2241 | NR )

Torchwood's Children of the Earth. I finally saw it. Figured I'd hit it after a weekend of having my BFF here so I had some good mood to walk me through it. Oh yeah. Crying like a fangirl who got her heart ripped out in a good way. So much to do my head in and I won't say more cause I don't know how except fic. As therapy. And not very happy therapy at that. I want fluff, except for some reason TW never fits my fluff part of my brain. Title: As I die (Reaping through the truth, Life becomes untrue) Pairings: canon Jack/Ianto, mentioning Jack/Hart Rating: R? Wordcount: 2247 words Notes: unbeta'd as always, all comments welcomed. Title borrowed from Paradise Lost (music group, not book). Unapologetic love for Jack, Gwen and all Torchwood team. Excerpt: Jack couldn't remember for the longest time if he actually slept while still having someone in his bed. He was a skilled fake sleeper, so he could watch his bed partners with their faces unguarded and their secrets spilled out over his sheets. The way they'd twitch, moan and twist when the dreams came tiptoeing. He was intrigued by it, because Jack wondered if he dreamed like them even if he didn't remember it.

[ao3feed-doctorwho]

As I die (Reaping through the truth, Life becomes untrue)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2vw6lsR

by elizaria

Torchwood's Children of the Earth. I finally saw it. Figured I'd hit it after a weekend of having my BFF here so I had some good mood to walk me through it. Oh yeah. Crying like a fangirl who got her heart ripped out in a good way. So much to do my head in and I won't say more cause I don't know how except fic. As therapy. And not very happy therapy at that. I want fluff, except for some reason TW never fits my fluff part of my brain. 

Title: As I die (Reaping through the truth, Life becomes untrue) Pairings: canon Jack/Ianto, mentioning Jack/Hart Rating: R? Wordcount: 2247 words Notes: unbeta'd as always, all comments welcomed. Title borrowed from Paradise Lost (music group, not book). Unapologetic love for Jack, Gwen and all Torchwood team.

Excerpt: Jack couldn't remember for the longest time if he actually slept while still having someone in his bed. He was a skilled fake sleeper, so he could watch his bed partners with their faces unguarded and their secrets spilled out over his sheets. The way they'd twitch, moan and twist when the dreams came tiptoeing. He was intrigued by it, because Jack wondered if he dreamed like them even if he didn't remember it.

Words: 2241, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Torchwood

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Major Character Death

Categories: M/M

Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, John Hart

Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2vw6lsR

[ao3feed-mcshep]

a few short SGA ficlets & poetry things

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2O3RFc7

by elizaria

I'm archiving fic from my LJ, Insanejournal, DW and my defunct website (thank you waybackmachine) and these ficlets feels too short to post by themselves

Words: 1597, Chapters: 4/4, Language: English

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay

Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2O3RFc7

[elirandom]

So, I wrote fic because the frustration couldn't contain itself.

On this road I'm crawling

(3262 words)

Fandom: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams, mcdanno

Characters: Steve McGarrett, Danny "Danno" Williams, Catherine Rollins

Additional Tags: Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye), Steve Angst, Pre-Slash

Summary: Maybe it's hard living in a house of memories. Maybe it's easier to feel you're leaving it over for someone you care about. It was never much of a home without the people inside it.

And maybe home is the place where they have to take you in, when you find you can't run from it any longer. Sometimes you have to tear things down so you can build something new in its bones, and maybe accepting help isn't riskier than anything else.

[elirandom]

Cause I keep runnin' from my heart (20105 words)

Chapters: 7/7

Fandom: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams

Additional Tags: Post-Series, Steve takes a detour coming home, McDanno deserved a better end, no Catherine bashing.

Series: Part 2 of I'll wake up now and live

Summary: Sequel to On this road I'm crawling. Steve has some adjustments to make. (rating went up with the final chapter, you'll notice when)

People have been so nice in the comments after I posted the final chapter I figured I could try and share the fic for other timezones before I go to bed.

[elirandom]

If you post wip’s on AO3, have you already finished the fic or are just that sure you're going to finish it in a timely manner? Or are you just a chaos entity and throw yourself out there?

Because it's going slow for me, like I wrote 2000 words today but it's been weeks since last time because work and ill parents steal so much energy from me.

But I've a draft on AO3 that will be automatically deleted on August 2nd for my first few chapters ~ 10k words, and now I'm wondering if I dare post it before it's complete. It's unbetaed and unread by anyone by me and I haven't written a fic this long in like 10 plus years so you tend to worry about extra about the quality you know. And I'm not sure if comments will be 👍 or 👎. And if a bad comment will impact my wish to finish it. I write for myself because I've just had the urge to write, but since the want to write hasn't been around in so many years shit feels fragile, you know.

The draft is ofc saved on my GDrive and locally as well, I'm not a complete daredevil and only having it in my drafts .

[elirandom]

Okay, it's slow going but I just took a break because I reached that moment when you conclude an arc/moment and you know where you're going next but you need to give your brain a break. It's slow going at 7100 words but the fact that it's still keeping some sort of pace is very gratifying. It's been years and years since. So I'm doing a late Fuck it Friday because I wasn't happy where I left off on the actual Friday. Plus it's soon 11am and I need to go outside for yard work.

Pardon the formatting, my rough draft is very rough.

"You there Danny?" Mary asks.

"I am. Barely. He really did that? On his own?"

"Oh yeah. He just called to tell me, statement after the fact, I had no hand in it. I didn't know it was that bad Danny, but we're notoriously bad at talking. We talk, but we don't really say anything. He's better at talking with you."

"Yeah well right now I feel like I let that goof deflect one time too many, I'm pissed he didn't tell me. Didn't talk to me. But at the same time I'm so proud of that asshole for getting help."

"Right?"

Danny asks about Joanie and listens to Mary worrying about being a good mom but at the same time enjoying Joanie in her life so much. Danny tells her to call him any time if she needs it, he was raising Grace alone for so many years he figures he might do as a sounding board.

"Alone huh?"

"I'm divorced so you know what I mean."

"Oh I know. I was thinking about Steve actually, he talks so much about Grace whenever we talk about Joanie. How much he remembers from Grace at that age."

"Yeah well. He's been a good uncle. Too bad he never got to be a dad, I don't think a family's in the cards for Catherine and I'm not sure Steve is ever getting past her."

"Good thing he's got Grace and Joanie then."

"Mmm. And Charlie."

[... ... ...]

"Steve's not going to get rid of any of his dad's things. It's like he wants the guilty conscience around him all the time, like a damn hairshirt."

"I've an idea."

"Mary."

"No it's needed Danny. I'm making the consecutive decision to change that mausoleum he lives in, and if he's going to get angry he'll be angry with me. Because he's not the sole owner of that house, and I'm making a point."

"When he's not around to contest it. I'm not sure this is a good idea Mary."

"Like you don't want him to stop living in the wreckage of the memories our parents left behind? I know he's all broken up about mom but I made my peace about her a long time ago. It's easier for me to go through their things than make him go through all that grief again. It'll be a fresh start when he comes home."

"It'll be a home renovations nightmare is what you mean."

"We'll need all the help we can get and we'll manage, we got 8 weeks minimum. I'll get a flight and be there soon."

And she hangs up too, it's like a McGarrett disease.

[elirandom]

There's this thing people say about bright lights and dying. About finding comfort in it. For Buck it only hurts and scares him shitless. What if he can't not go into the light, what if it steals him away as the white lightning did with his body, his breath, his heartbeat.

He's not finished yet, he's barely past the starting blocks. And the idea of leaving Christopher another dead parent(al figure) is more horrifying than he can express. He wants to scream no, let me stay, he wants to yell out his please into the vast whiteness around him. This empty nothingness that is worse for its bright starkness than if it'd been dark, because in the darkness there may be things hidden. Like an exit out of this limbo.

There's this thing people say about bright lights and dying. About finding comfort in it. For Buck it only hurts and scares him shitless. What if he can't not go into the light, what if it steals him away as the white lightning did with his body, his breath, his heartbeat.

He's not finished yet, he's barely past the starting blocks. And the idea of leaving Christopher another dead parent(al figure) is more horrifying than he can express. He wants to scream no, let me stay, he wants to yell out his please into the vast whiteness around him. This empty nothingness that is worse for its bright starkness than if it'd been dark, because in the darkness there may be things hidden. Like an exit out of this limbo.But he likes to imagine the 118 visiting him, he's sure they would be. Pretty sure. Right? He doesn't let his thoughts wander too far, too many monsters from childhood abandonment down that road and it's not fair to the (better) family he's found all by himself.

Family, yeah.

There was one building with him, Eddie and Christopher. He wonders if Eddie has let Chris visit him, or if it's better for Chris to not see Buck like this. Maybe it would be better.

He wonders how long he's been here, stuck like this. He wonders what his body looks like, is it very burnt? Or did he just get a Lichtenberg figure? In another situation he'd be fascinated, now he's just scared. And alone.

Time passes but he can't say if it's minutes or days, the light keeps getting brighter and he feels smaller and smaller. Like he's concaving in on himself. But sometimes he imagines he can almost feel a small hand in his, hear someone's voice he knows he loves but can no longer name.

He tries to hold onto it, the vague feeling like smoke

Then the door opens and the stark whiteness is exchanged for uncomfortably bright hospital lights. But everything feels bizarro-land. He's never felt more alone surrounded by people who say they know him.

Some moments he can't help but think, is he actually awake?

Was the child's hand in his a dream? The comforting voice in his ear? Is this the nightmare or is it like Daniel says that he just needs to relax.

But he can't, it feels too much like letting go of something he's not sure what it is but feels precious to him.

They find him a therapist who prescribes him pills but he only tries it once, the void he fell into just turned into loud beeping and he woke with a sore chest and a vague nightmarish feeling of wrong wrong wrong.

He goes for a drive and even his little Prius feels wrong and he keeps looking over at the empty seat in the back. As if he's expecting someone to look back in the mirror.

The pier is teeming with tourists and families and feels like he's walking against a current. Everyone knows where they're going except him and everytime he tries to reach the Paris wheel he finds himself out on the edge of the pier, waves batting the scaffolding under his feet. This feels wrong too, he collapses on a nearby bench, head in his hands. Shouldn't he be happy that he's healthy after his accident? Why is he acting like this, he knows he's worrying his parents & his siblings keep telling him to take a vacation and have some fun. Take his girlfriend out on a trip. But he hasn't met her since the hospital and he hasn't realized till now that he didn't even miss her.

But he's missing something, there's that gnawing feeling in his chest that won't give up.

A kid bumps into him and yells sorry as it stumbles by the bench, too busy eating cotton candy to look where it's going. "This cotton candy is so good!"

The deja vu moment grips Buck by the belly, the voice is wrong, the child is wrong but he's so sure his brain is looking for a real memory he can't place. It's like a ghost on the bench beside him talking about dreams about being a firefighter, but it's wrapped in dread. He has to stand up to look at the water, it's like he suddenly feels it's about to attack & his hands are clutching empty air expecting a child sized yellow shirt.

He's hyperventilating & he can feel that echo of a child's hand in his again, screaming for Buck in his ear.

Maybe he faints on that bench. Next time he wakes it's mellow lights & hospital smell in his nose. But he's too tired to stay awake, his body feels too heavy and his throat thick with something. He falls away again before he can figure out what's wrong.

He's thirsty before he's really awake, his tongue feels thick & dry in his mouth, his eyelids feel like there's weights attached to them. But his left hand is warm, the small weight of a hand in his and he remembers a curly haired boy again. It's like reality dropped on him like an anvil overnight, his mind caught up with the body in the hospital bed. He's not sure how hurt he is but he knows the hand in his. "Christopher?"

The name is barely a croak as it stumbles across his heavy tongue, but there's no tube in his throat anymore. Just the rough memory it left.

"Buck? Are you awake enough to drink this time? Small sips."

"is'time?"

"Hey, welcome back." Eddie's hand stroking through his hair almost makes Buck cry with the feeling of it, it's like he's finally tethered back to himself again. "You've been trying to wake up several times the last hours or so but the doctors said it may take a while for you to be conscious enough to remember."

He can feel Christopher's hand clutching his & he squeezes back, relieved he can move his hand. "Hey Buck, missed you."

"Missed you too", Buck croaks in some semblance of sound but Christopher's body slumped across his giving an awkward hug makes the meaning come across enough. He wishes he could hug back as hard as he wants to but instead he feels his energy zap away. "T'red"

"Go back to sleep Buck, your body needs the rest." Eddie says as he helps Chris sit back up. "Yeah, dad says the doctors said your coma is over. Now it's just sleep & we'll see you soon"

Buck mumbles what he hopes come out as "Soon", as he falls asleep. This time sure he'll wake up again in the right place, his anchors right by his bedside.

[elirandom]

Wip Wednesday

I've never participated in Wip Wednesday but I'm giving it a go on a Thursday because I've had two 9pm days & I'm too tired to write when I'm home. And I've a giant report for my municipality politicians on my needs analysis to finish early May so I'm kinda drowning in writing. But I want to not stop writing this fanfic because my mind needs the break. So this is another hold myself accountable post.

H-50, sequel to my On this road I'm crawling, it's supposed to be actual mcdanno and not just pre-slash but they're taking their time. My current (very rough) draft is over 5700 words.

They moved the desk into the living room and put a bed in there instead for Danny. The choice made already made for him when he came home from the hospital. There was to be no risk of him aggravating his chest wound by leaning on the cane too much, like the stairs. Flat floors and grass only, but lately he's dared the sand so he can get a few minutes to himself.

Tani and Junior mean well but it's not the same without Steve taking some of the attention, Danny feels like something at the bottom of a specimen jar after Steve left. Everyone tiptoeing around him. What, like it's their fault Steve's gone? He's grieving him too, but his anger and relief that Steve's finally in contact makes it a bit different. Steve's been his other half for ten years, their partnership was worse than a marriage in so many ways because there was too many high stakes and adrenaline situations. Some days that pressure felt like it pressed them together to make a diamond, a cohesive unit that could read each others' every move. While other days they were so fed up with each other it was like being trapped with your ex in a small space, say a car, moving at illegal speeds and turns.

[elirandom]

Wip Wednesday

I'm currently a bit stuck, probably because my brain is drowning in work. And it's still a rough draft because I'm trying not to hate the text too much before the rough draft is done, I'm already scrolling up and down in it as is. I know there's a lot of Steve's in these sentences but it's 9 pm and I've been up since before 5am, I'm not editing more now.

[...] Steve gestures with his coffee mug, the breeze from the ocean bringing over the scent of fresh coffee. "No Steve, I'm not moved in. I stayed till I was better, then till you came home. Now, here you are."

"Right." Steve goes quiet, concentrating on his breakfast for a minute or three. "You going back to work?"

"Only the office so far, I haven't decided if I want back in the field again. But sitting on my ass while my team endangers their lives, not sure I can do that either." Danny's frustrated with the whole situation but what else is new, he's had weeks to rack up his annoyances. His body's been completely unhelpful but there's nothing wrong with his brain.

Steve keeps shoveling eggs into his mouth to not argue, it's obvious in his jerky movements. Danny can give him that, they're both a bit restless and Steve's only been home a day. Except then he opens his big mouth. "Can you wait to decide, a little while?"

It's a good thing Mary had decided to buy new sturdy coffee mugs the way Danny slams his into the table. "What Steven, you mean give you consideration as my partner?"

At least he knows when not to evade, "I know I earned that Danny, I'm sorry."

"For the right thing this time?"

"I felt like I was endangering you guys okay, that I was a liability with psychopathic criminals coming out of the woodwork at any given time."

Sometimes that tall-ass miscreant really made you wanna crush him up into a hug while shaking some sense into him at the same time. "Steve, you could have told us that."

"So you could deny it, cause you would. Don't tell me you wouldn't."

"Stop waving your fingers at me, of course we would. Wo Fat and his ilk is not your fault Steve. There's no long list of bad choices that you checked."

"Oh really?"

My problem with these two is to get them to stop arguing, this part is quite a few more paragraphs but I'm stopping here. Good night.

[elirandom]

Sometimes you second-guess your own writing so much it just destroys the fun in it?

And you know what, fuck it. The only one putting expectations on this fic is me so that part of my brain can just go lie in a ditch somewhere. I want to finish this so I'll have one less guilty conscience of unfinished wips.

It'll be dialogue heavy because that's the Steve and Danny in my head, canon had them always bickering and I suck at making exposition remotely interesting inside a dialogue. So I'm just gonna keep editing and see where we end up.

[elirandom]

Argh, Tumblr ate my ask (can't you switch apps when replying to an ask? Because there's no active draft & my askbox is empty wtf), sorry @merfilly . The q was:

When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

This was difficult! I usually don't look back at my fics at all so I had to skim through a few to remember which was which. Tagging @spikedluv @romanyeva @justsmilestuffhappens @rebakitt3n @jerakeenc @fabula-unica

Stealing joy is a championship sport

Pitch Black, Riddick/Johns

I just like the vibe I wrote between these two in this fic, unfortunately I never reached the hatesex that's brewing here.

Playing favorites

Torchwood, Captain Harkness/Ianto/Gwen

Tortured character being taken over by two others who's decided enough is enough. I like tying loose ends together.

Sticky fingers and orange kisses

AngeltS RPF, James Marsters/Vincent Kartheiser

This was written in 2006 but I think it still holds up, when it comes to the RP part of it it's probably too vague. It's up to the reader.

Ternion(the sum of one and one and one)

Spike/Angel/Buffy

Where one can't exist without the other(s)

Original work, Venomous

I can't pinpoint why but I like the pacing & mood of it. I used to have a lot of these streams of consciousness at my fingertips, small AUs of characters. Also I'm too old to be embarrassed of my original stuff.

also fml I hate Tumblr formatting