#emotionalabuseTW

[lxvenderhxzehv]

Intro: Josie

(Anya Taylor-Joy) [THE FOX]. Please welcome [Josie Reigh (She/Her)] to Huntsville, WV. They are a [23]-year-old [RESIDENT] who lives in [TOWN]. You may see them around working as a [assistant librarian]. Poor unfortunate soul. We’ll see if they survive. (Pixie, 24, She/her/hers, EST)

Name: Josie Reigh Nicknames: Jo, JoJo, Age/DOB: 23 April 14th, 1999 Gender: cis-Female She/Her Sexual Orientation: Bi-sexual Personality type: The Fox Relationship status: In a relationship with Gabe 'G' Westfall Occupation: Librarian Assistant Destianation: In Town

Bio:

TW: Alcoholism, Death and emotional abuse

Josie always felt out of place in Huntsville. Her Parents, who were always drunk, seemed to never understand her issues with the small town, or why she threatened to run away and never come back. Despite her hate for her home town Josie was a good kid and a good student always excelling at most of her classes in school. She was also not one to shy away from people and still manage to have a good group of friends that made Huntsville a little more tolerable.

Josie knew from an early age that her only way out of Huntsville would be going to college. She also knew that meant she would have to save up for herself. Helping with chores around the house and sneaking an extra dollar from her parents wallet when she could. She had managed saved up quite a little stash of money. However a few days before her thirteenth birthday, she came home from school to find both her parents passed out in the living room with empty bottles of liquor everywhere, along with the box where she had hid her money. It was gone, all of it. Every last cent wasted on the one thing her parents loved more than their own child. Tired of her parents Vices she pack a small bag with clothes and necessities. She didn't even leave a note for her parents figuring they wouldn't care. Heading to the border of Huntsville in a cab she scrounged to pay for with some change in her bag. Anticipation rose as they approached the border, closer and closer. Josie almost had to do double take, realizing they had reentered the town. Josie asked the driver what his problem was, only to find out he was just as confused as she was. He tried once more and it was the same result back in Huntsville like she was stuck in a loop. She figured in was a sign and asked the cab driver to drop her back off at home. When she arrived her driveway was full off flashing lights. A sinking feeling rested in her stomach. In what felt like moving in slow motion she watched as a body bag on a Gurney was lead into an ambulance followed by her distraught father, Her Mother had died.

As the years went on Josie's home life only go worse, Her fathers Alcoholism caused him to loose his job, leaving Josie to start work at the library in town. With all chances of Collage off the table thanks to the monsters, the paradox and their financial struggles Josie only saw it fitting that she got a job anyway. It gave her a break from her fathers constant mouth and loud voice. He had always blamed her for her mothers death. Always saying that if she had never runaway her mother would still be alive. Josie often wondered how long her father had left to live, it wasn't long she would soon find out. Thanks to his constant benders her father found himself face to face with one of the monsters pretending to be his late wife. Her father being impaired by his drink approached the figure hopeful that his love had returned. The next morning Josie found him or what was left of him in their front yard. For the first time in Josie life she felt free, and she soon realized Huntsville wasn't the problem, it was her parents.

Josie is now quite content in her place in Huntsville, she just hopes the life she lives now is one she can look back on and not regret it. Not that she has a choice.

[queerradiantdarkness-blog]

flashbacks

I'm going through some really bad flashbacks of emotions and negativity from the first person I ever seriously dated. I think what sparked it is the digging I've been doing for poetry and that this time last year, we met up so I could get my own closure. I don't really want to take anyones time because I know for a fact everyone's sick of hearing about her

but tumblr is a place where I can rant so I'm gonna go ahead:

re-reading my old diary is the most sick and twisted shit because I feel like I'm reliving all of the self-deprecating thoughts she helped me believe. she played games with me that were emotionally abusive and took years for me to understand. I wrote that "she is the sweetest pain I've ever known" and actually accepted this as love. My body was in survival mode for a few solid months because of anxieties surrounding things we were going through together, the sheer importance I assigned to her role in my life, and the amount of times she threatened to break up with me. 

I am still so fucking angry. I wouldn't be as mad if I didn't feel extremely insecure about myself sometimes and whether or not my s/o really loves me, which is absolutely ridiculous because I've never been treated so well and I love myself thoroughly. The number of fights I got into with this person over jealousy was CONSTANT and I sometimes feel like I'm approaching being abandoned or not being attractive to my loved one anymore because this previous person would both slowly disappear on me by not communicating and also tell me my physical attributes are just not as appealing anymore. This would have been fine if it meant she actually let go of me and moved on, but she always came back and finally left with a BANG that consisted of her lying that she had cheated on me with her best friend after two years of us being together. Essentially, this person is no good. And she'll randomly go through spurts of trying to contact me, the last time being this summer. She used to be my ~weak spot~ but I know how endlessly awful that is and how much she never deserved having me in her life, ever. 

Anyways, I'm glad to be where I am and to be super far from her. All my college choices were constructed around where she wanted to attend school but she lives elsewhere. She used to rule my whole life. I haven't talked about her on my blog in ages & most people don't know about this part of my past & I intend on keeping it this way. I'm re-learning how to coexist and trust in myself & the universe.